Chapter Text
Ren's slumped form looked so small in the snow. First time Hux didn't notice it, too overcomed by the sense of upcoming doom, his life's project falling apart all around him and one order from the Supreme Leader; to retrieve Kylo Ren before the planet collapses. Now there was no rush, so he could really look. Ren was but a tiny, black speck of dust and he would remain as such this time around.
Hux threw his blaster to the ground and looked back at the bodies of his men scattered around motionless like empty suits of armor. It was laughably easy to kill them, there wasn't even a struggle. Hux just waited for them to turn around.
Three shots and it was done, three shots and all ended for them, he wished it was so easy for him.
He walked up to Ren, who still laid unconscious, his face pale and slitted by the saber wound that girl gave him. It always got worse after that, as If the scar was some kind of parasite, eating away at Ren's sanity, at his pride– at any ounce of him Hux once found useful.
It will be satisfying to see him die here.
He should wake up soon, he always did just after they managed to shove him onto the escape vessel, delirious from the pain and angry, always so angry. Hux kneeled down by his head wondering If he should slap him, and although the thought was extremely enticing, it would unfortunately ruin the mood. He wanted to see the realization in his eyes when they saw the sky painted amber and Hux above him, he wanted to see how Ren looked like when all hope was lost and he wanted to laugh at him while they both burned.
"I expected it, you know?" He found himself saying out loud, he started doing it more recently– talking to himself, he's the only one that remembers after all, everything just repeats over and over again anyone would get tired of these same conversations. Hux only has himself now, and was that really so new? His whole life he only had himself. He should be more equipped to handle such madness by now.
"The Starkiller wasn't made to last, it was made to serve one purpose; to destroy the Republic, which it did… and realistically that's all we ever needed, Ren." It was comical that the only way he could talk to his commanding officer was when the man was unconscious, these words will be all for nothing anyway, but Hux stopped doing things based on reason long ago.
"A strike back was expected, something so grand does not come without a response. We sowed fear in the hearts of people, and even though the most logical action to a threat such as this is to run, there's always some that think they can face it head on instead, destroy us with nothing but scrap metal and a bit of courage." He scoffed and that scoff did not have an ounce of humor in it.
"I was prepared for something like this, although I didn't imagine it would happen so soon after its first launch, but… in the end it didn't matter, we still got lucky, we lived, the casualties we suffered were nothing compared to the destruction of the entire Hosnian system, by all accounts we still won." The planet was collapsing and even If Ren was awake right now, he probably wouldn't be able to hear Hux through the noise. He was talking to no one, to ether, to a dying man in the snow. He might as well scream his sorrows into the void instead of letting himself parish here, even If temporarily.
It was immature.
Hux didn't care anymore.
"We just needed to regroup, get our priorities straight instead of playing tooka and bulabird with the rebellion. The training facilities were already informed we might need to pull out the older cadets earlier than expected, that would get our numbers up enough to take over the colonies that were previously under the thumb of the Republic. It would be no fight at all, we were the only ones to offer them resources, stability and safety. Even If they didn't agree with us they would have to comply, the rebellion was left with nothing– nothing! Nothing but good intentions and lies of hope for a better future. We almost had it all under our thumb, Ren. Just a bit more time and we would find another planet suitable for the next Star Killer, a better one, containing more power and requiring less resources. I had the schematics at the ready!" The earth vibrates underneath their bodies and Hux has to grasp at Ren's shoulder's when a crack grows bigger just a few feet from them. Ren moans painfully at the touch and Hux releases him as If burnt.
"The only reason that didn't happen is you. We lost because you went mad." The air became so thin, he felt his voice falter. Time was running out and Hux had so much more to say, he took a shallow breath and adjusted his position on the unsteady ground.
"You ruined everything and for what? Some sort of kinship with that girl? You had to know that would never happen, how could someone possibly understand you when you don't even understand yourself? What was the end goal? Getting her to join us and acting as her mentor? You would just make her hate you or pity you, more than she already did, you would ruin her and at the end you would end up just like your own master."
Ren wasn't built for kinship, his nature was utterly corrosive and he was stuck in a constant state of disagreement with himself and others. He never belonged in the Order, not truly. Hux knew it the first time he laid his eyes on that hideous mask he wore so stubbornly, he didn't belong with his birth family either. Ren didn't belong anywhere, not even with himself. It was stupid of him to think that he would find his place next to that girl.
"I should have left you here the first time, Snoke would have my head on the stake but it would have been worth it." His throat hurt and everything else Hux was prepared to say was turning into an unintelligible jumble in his head. This whole thing still proved to be more cathartic than he expected it to be, so with a sigh he decided he was done here.
The monomolecular-blade hidden in his sleeve reatracted silently. Ren's eyebrows twitched but he didn't wake up. Hux climbed on top of him without any consideration over his wounded body, which made the other man whimper and open his eyes just in time for Hux to press the blade against his goozle.
He couldn't help but smile at the lost look in Ren's eyes, his unfocused gaze darted around them looking for a way out, when he found none it landed on Hux again, shocked, terrified and lastly– angry.
"What did you do?" Ren hissed, almost sounding panicked and Hux laughed his first honest laugh in a while.
What didn't I do? He thought, preparing himself to plunge the knife deep into Ren's tender flesh. He would bleed out in tune with the planet and Hux wouldn't have to hear him spewing nonsense in their last minutes.
But before he could do that there was a swoosh through the air, and then burning at his middle– so similar, Maker so similar to the shot that started it all– all encompassing, never ending burn that didn't hurt at first, just brought a sense of wrongness to his confused body, the fried nerve endings not understanding that this was it, that there was no way to fix the damage done to his insides, that the shot was lethal.
Hux wasn't shot this time, he could see the end of Ren's sword protruding through his belly and Ren's hand stretched out, shaking from the usage of the force that brought that cursed object through Hux's back.
The oddest thing of all was that– Kylo's expression was terrified.
Completely terrified, mouth open wide, pupils dilated and staring right at Hux's face instead of the red, scorching plasma that laid below.
He looked even more terrified when Hux laid down on top of him, grasping at Ren's sides and with the last bits of his strength trapping him in an embrace that successfully sank the saber tip right into him. He screamed into Hux's ear but didn't push him off.
When the planet collapsed Hux could only feel Ren's labored breathing against his ear and a pair of hands squeezing him so hard it burned more than the wound or the stinging snow. Ren made noises like a dying animal and by the end of it Hux was left disappointed not imagining the encounter to go quite like this.
It was like Ren, he supposed. To ruin everything just by being there.
Hux was trapped in the void surprisingly short this time, maybe the never ending darkness was getting bored of him, who knows? When he opened his eyes he found himself on the ship again, in the middle of ordering his men to land on Jakku. Ren was brooding in the corner, completely oblivious to what occurred but he did look up when Hux grabbed at his belly, thrown off by the phantom pain.
He was left shaken and the reason for it wasn't another violent death he suffered, no– It was the feel of Ren's arms around him, scared, confused and not wanting to let go.
Out of all men Hux killed, why was this one the only one he felt sorrow for?