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Teddy felt numb as he walked from the cemetery, his mother’s ashes scattered in the wind.
He wiped the tears off his face, gripping Billy’s hand with his own free one.
He had felt nothing but crippling sadness all week, but that had finally given away to just hollow numbness.
The worst part is when they’re cleaning out the apartment. Billy, Jeff, and Rebecca offered to join. Tommy came along for the ride too, because it turns out Billy has a twin brother.
“Keep or throw away?” Tommy shoved something in Teddy’s face, as he sped into the living room something fell over.
A really obnoxious twin brother at that.
In Tommy’s hand was a magazine with Scott Bakula plastered on the front.
“Throw away.” Teddy shrugged.
Tommy sped out without another word.
Jeff and Rebecca are cleaning out Mary-Jo’s old room. It was too much for Teddy to weed out her old stuff.
It’s weird because with every knick knack of his mom’s that they debate to keep or throw away, Teddy can’t help but wonder if his mom actually liked half the stuff she owned. Did she douse herself in lavender perfume every morning because she liked the smell or was it to make herself seem more human? Did she actually like pink lemonade or was it just what she figured a human woman in her mid-forties would like? Did she scold Teddy about shapeshifting because she didn’t want him drawing attention to himself or because she didn’t want anyone catching on to the fact that he was a Skrull?
Well half Skrull, half Kree.
They finish packing up the house during dinner, his stuff is shuffled into Rebecca’s car. The rest of his home will be donated or otherwise thrown away.
“I’m sorry we can’t fit all this into my car.” Rebecca stated. “If you want I can have Jeff swing by when the boys are done with practice, and you can pick up some more.”
“It’s fine.” Teddy said.
Rebecca nodded and looked him in the eye. Teddy chose to focus on her nose. He didn’t typically have issues with eye contact, it just took a lot of work that he didn’t really want to put in at the moment.
“It’s alright to not be okay.” Rebecca told him. “You know that it’s okay if you’re upset, Teddy?”
“I know.”
Teddy still didn’t see what being upset was going to get him. What would more crying fix? It wasn’t like his mom was going to come back. The Super Soldier set her on fire, right in front of him. This wasn’t a fake out death like so many Avengers had attempted. His mother was actually dead. Set in stone she was never coming back.
Teddy gets in the car and sits next to Billy who’s scrunched in between him and Tommy.
Tommy has his headphones in and is singing along to Chappell Roan. Billy’s hands were scrunched up against his head with annoyance.
“Tommy, perhaps you could not sing so loudly.” Rebecca suggested when her eyes caught on Billy.
Tommy glanced over at the dark haired boy next to him. “Oh, sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Billy stated, he uncovered his ears.
Tommy, however, seemed to take Billy’s statement as an excuse to keep singing. “H-O-T-T-O-G-O! You can take me Hot to Go!”
Billy recovered his ears and Teddy glanced out the window and watched his apartment fade out of view.
During his first week at the Kaplan house, Teddy didn’t sleep well.
He didn’t sleep his first night. Excusable since his mom died and all.
He got two hours of sleep the second night. Excusable since he just buried his mother.
He couldn’t fall asleep the third night. Excusable again because Tommy was twisting and turning up on the top bunk.
Teddy bunking with Billy was off the table from the start. So the Kaplan’s set him and Tommy up in the guest bedroom, which quickly got turned into the boys permanent room.
It was right across the hall from Billy and right next door to his younger brother’s room.
The house was entirely silent aside from Tommy’s constant shifting.
“Tommy,” Teddy called up quietly.
“Yeah?” Tommy’s voice was louder.
“Could you settle down?” Teddy asked. “I’m trying to sleep.”
Suddenly Tommy’s white hair was in Teddy’s face and the speedster was dangling upside down from the top bunk.
“Sorry, man.” He said. “Didn’t mean to keep you up.”
Before Teddy could say anything Tommy fell to the floor with a cladder. Footsteps from all the rooms walked out to see what had happened.
Rebecca was their first, she turned the light on. The rest of the Kaplan family was in the hall.
“I’m fine!” Tommy stood up, there was blood drizzling down from his head.
“I’ll get the keys.” Jeff said.
Jeff drove Tommy to the hospital and Teddy tried to settle down. Billy walked in. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” Teddy told him. “You got back to sleep.”
“Alright.” Billy yawned and placed a kiss on Teddy’s forehead. “Good night.”
“Good night!” Teddy turned over.
He couldn’t fall asleep on the bottom bunk. It was very different from his old bed.
Even when Teddy closed his eyes he couldn’t trick his brain into thinking he was in his old room.
The bed was in the wrong place. The sheets were the wrong color. The pillow cases were a different texture.
When Teddy does fall asleep he has nightmares. Images of his mother’s body set aflame. He’d wake up in a cold sweat, trying to block the memories out of his mind. Then try to go back to sleep.
Sleep didn’t always come, but when it did the nightmares would come back, only different. Instead of his mother burning it’s Billy. Or Kate. Or Cassie. Or Eli.
Other times it’s all four. At one point it was Tommy who hadn’t even been there.
Sometimes he’s burning.
The pain doesn't stop when he’s awake. When he and Billy are walking home from school or Young Avengers, Teddy can’t help but turn his head to check behind him every five seconds. In case the Skrulls or Kree have returned and want to take him back.
Once they were walking by a family’s barbecue. The smell of burning flesh was so strong that Teddy threw up on the sidewalk.
He played it off to his boyfriend. Saying he had the stomach flu, or he ate something that didn’t agree with him.
Billy took Teddy to the comic book store a few weeks after his mom’s death.
“They have a new issue of Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn.” Billy flashed the title. “Do you want it?”
“I’m good.” Teddy said. “I don’t have my wallet on me.”
“I can get it for you.” Billy offered. “Think of it as an early birthday present.”
His birthday, right. Teddy forgot that it was next week.
“Is there anything you want to do to celebrate?” Billy asked as Teddy put the comic back.
Teddy shook his head. “I’m good. Was never big on my birthday anyway.”
Except he was. His mom would take him down to Coney Island each year. They’d go to Luna Park and do the same things in order. Breakfast, roller coasters, lunch, bumper cars, house of mirrors, Ferris wheel, then leave and get dinner accompanied with some sort of cake.
He supposed he could do those things with Billy this year, but it would just be wrong. It would be wrong to celebrate his sixteenth birthday without his mom.
They leave the comic bookstore thirty minutes later. Billy with a stack of new issues and Teddy with nothing.
Teddy finds the Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn comic on his desk, Billy must have got it for him while he wasn’t looking. He doesn't touch it and instead collapses into bed.
Things all come to a head the next week while Jeff is cooking breakfast.
It’s an accident. He was making scrambled eggs for Sammy and Daniel when a napkin fell onto the frying pan, and it caught on fire.
Teddy let out a scream and pushed Billy off his chair and onto the ground. Milk and cereal piled on top of the young witch as Teddy fell on top of Billy, trying to keep him safe.
“Teddy-” Billy tried to push him off, but Teddy just leaned on him harder.
Rebecca dashed over, as Jeff continued to spray the fire extinguisher. She grabbed Teddy and Teddy wondered if Dr. Kaplan had some sort of super strength because the next thing he knows he’s being shoved into the living room.
“Teddy, it's alright.” Teddy couldn’t hear Rebecca over the sound of his racing thoughts.
He had to get into the kitchen.
He had to get Billy.
He had to save Billy.
“Teddy do what I’m doing.” Rebecca calmly pushed air out of her lungs. “Just like that.”
Teddy dose and slowly his heart rate went down, and his body calmed. He was in the living room. Billy was fine. He was fine.
Later that day Rebecca approached Teddy about going to counseling.
“I have a friend, she works with teenagers who have gone through traumatic life experiences.” She explained. “I think it would do you some good.”
“Thank you Dr. Kaplan, but I’m fine.” Teddy said.
“You’re not fine, Teddy.” Rebecca stated. “And you don’t really have a choice in this.”
Which was how Teddy found himself in Dr. Richardson’s office each Wednesday at two.
He tried to work at it. Mainly because he wanted to go back to having a regular sleep cycle. The episodes were also having an effect on his hero duties. He couldn’t go into a burning house last week and refused to let Billy do it either. It annoyed Eli, but the young super soldier tried to be understanding.
A month in Dr. Richardson suggests two diagnosis.
“Autism Spectrum Disorder.” She told him. “And PTSD.”
Teddy nodded, but couldn’t help but wonder if those were accurate. He and Billy had talked about Teddy likely being autistic, but that’s when Teddy thought he was human or at least a mutant. He was an alien hybrid, did the Kree or the Skrulls even have words for autism?
Dr. Richardson prescribed him medication for the PTSD. Teddy crumpled the note into his jacket, planning to forget about it once he got home.
He didn't need pills, they wouldn't fix anything. They wouldn't bring his mom back.
“How was therapy?” Tommy asked, he was blasting music.
Rebecca, Jeff, and Billy were all at Sammy’s fifth grade graduation. Teddy and Tommy both elected to stay home.
“Fine.” He said. “She thinks I have autism.”
Tommy scoffed. “Like that wasn’t obvious?”
“Yeah, but autism's a human condition.” Teddy gestured to himself. “I’m not exactly human.”
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know, I’d put money on that Super Skrull guy being on the spectrum.”
“Maybe that’s just how Skrulls are.” Teddy said.
“If it makes you feel any better my therapist thinks I have ADHD.” Tommy paused to do the chorus of Good Luck, Babe, before continuing. “What I really just want her to give me is that gender dysphoria diagnosis.”
Rebecca had convinced Tommy to go to therapy claiming to help him with his transition. “Only eleven more months to go.”
“Do you think therapy’s helping you at all?” Teddy asked him.
Tommy paused his speakers. “Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged. “Why?”
“I just don’t know if it’s helping me.” Teddy sighed. “I still miss my mom. I still can’t sleep. I just want it to be over.”
Teddy took a seat on the bottom bunk and in a blink of an eye Tommy rushed over. “You know at least your mom liked you.”
“Thanks Tommy, my mom liked me. That makes me feel so much better.” Teddy snapped.
Tommy threw his hands up. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed. “It’s just, neither of my parents really liked me or wanted me around, all that much.”
Considering that when the Kaplan’s called the Shepherds for permission for Tommy to stay with them and Teddy could hear the voice of a man shouting, “Fuck off” and then hanging up, he imagined that they weren’t the closest with their son.
“I mean they weren’t all that accepting when I told them I was bi.” Tommy pointed out. “My dad insisted I was just trying to be unique. Then when I told them I was trans my mom cried and screamed that I was her little girl, despite not taking an interest in my life before that.”
“That sucks.” Teddy said.
Tommy nodded. “Yeah.” And paused. “Dose Billy hate me?”
Teddy glanced at him. “Huh?”
“Well at first I thought maybe he was transphobic, because some gay guys are like that. Then I saw the Protect Trans Kids flag in his room and figured nope he just doesn't like this trans guy.” Tommy continued to ramble before Teddy cut him off.
“What makes you think Billy doesn’t like you?”
Tommy shrugged. “He doesn't seem to want to be around me. He avoids me every chance he gets. When we're in the same room he won’t even talk to me.” He put his head in his hands. “So what? Does he not like having another brother? Did I do something to him? You’re his boyfriend, he must have told you.”
And for the first time in weeks Teddy let out a chuckle. It was soft and tickled his throat.
Tommy stared at him shocked. “Are you okay?”
Teddy nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He wiped a tear from his eye. “You think Billy doesn't like you because he’s not talking to you.”
Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Well yeah.”
Teddy stared at the white haired boy across from him. “Tommy, Billy’s like that with everyone when he first meets them.”
Tommy stared back at him. “Really?”
Teddy nodded. “Yeah. When I first joined the Young Avengers he didn’t talk to me or anyone for like two weeks.”
“Seriously?” Tommy said. “But he’s so chatty when he’s with you.”
Teddy nodded. “I was reading the Long Halloween one day, when Billy walked up to me and just started info dumping about its creation.” He explained. “We talked about Batman for like three hours.”
Tommy nodded. “So what you’re saying is in order to get Billy to like me I need to read Batman?”
“Or learn to recite all the Avengers in alphabetical order.” Teddy said. “He can do it backwards. I can’t.”
Tommy flopped down on Teddy’s bed. “Yeah that sounds like way too much work.”
Teddy nodded and laid down beside him. When Tommy wasn’t running around. Either screaming the Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess or activity interrupting him and Billy, he was actually kind of nice.
“My therapist wants me to go on medication.” Teddy told him. “I don’t want to.”
Tommy glanced at him. “Didn’t you just say you wanted to stop feeling like shit?”
Teddy nodded. “Yeah, but going on pills makes me feel like I’ll never get better.” He flexed his fingers, allowing them to shift green and back to white. “Like I’ll have PTSD for the rest of my life.”
Tommy shrugged. “And?”
“And?” Teddy groaned. “I don’t want to have PTSD for the rest of my life. I don’t want to feel like I’m being followed every time I cross the street. Or that something bad is going to happen to Billy if I’m not there to stop it.”
“Teddy, you have PTSD.” Tommy said. “You can ignore it and feel miserable for the rest of your life, or you can do something about it.” Tommy flashed him a grin. “My advice, do drugs.”
Teddy blinked. “That was actually some pretty solid advice.”
“Seriously?” Tommy blinked back. “Wow, I guess a broken clock is right twice a day.”
Tommy sped up and went back to his phone. “You want to do karaoke with me?”
“Sure.” Teddy stood up. “But can it be to anything other than Chappell Roan?” He had never listened to Good Luck Babe as much as he had when Tommy moved in.
“How dare you!” Tommy placed a hand over his chest. “I’d ought to have them revoke your gay card for that.”
Teddy smirked. “Can I get it reinstated if I play Ricky Martin?”
“Poker Face or no deal.” Tommy searched up the song.
“How about Queen?”
The Kaplans returned home to find Tommy and Teddy belting out Bicycle. Billy gave a grin when he walked into the bedroom, to see Tommy dramatically dancing on furniture.
“You guys look like you’re having fun.” He said.
“Sing with us!” Tommy tossed Billy a hairbrush.
Billy joined in when Bohemian Rhapsody started to play.
After cycling through Best of Queen and finishing off with David Bowie. Tommy went to go eat dinner while Billy and Teddy laid on the floor catching their breaths.
Teddy held Billy’s hand as he grinned at the ceiling. His heart was bursting, but not in the anxious way it had been all week. In an excited way like finishing a marathon.
“I missed that.” Billy said.
“Missed what?” Teddy asked.
“You’re smiling.” Billy turned over and Teddy followed suit. “I haven’t seen it in a long time.”
Teddy put a hand on his boyfriend’s face. “Hopefully you’ll be seeing it a lot more.”
He kissed Billy and the dark haired mage kissed back, only for them to be interrupted by the door opening.
“Seriously!” Tommy cried. “I do karaoke with you people, and you just make out on my floor!”
“We were only kissing!” Billy cried.
“Just for that I’m doing Hot To Go.” Before either boy could stop him Tommy pressed play on his phone and began to sing the lyrics.
Teddy groaned and buried his head in Billy’s shoulder.
Aside from Tommy’s off key signing, he couldn’t help but think that there was no place he’d rather be.