Archive of Our Own ^beta

In the nature of things around us, there's always a grey area. A little mix of black and white. Something akin to the transition from light to dark. 

Quite an interesting colour, often perceived as being melancholic, it can be of great meaning. 

Grey that grows on your hair as age flourishes, grey that illuminates the edges of the shadows, grey that blinds after the sheen is lost on your ring. But here as a grey area, it is different. One which is okay to be a little less cautious of everything you do. But once the limits of the area are being crossed, the high alert radars must be on. Because one such mistake could ruin you. 

Hoseok knew better than to get in between. 

In between his two boyfriends who were currently at loggerheads. In between that boiling heat that had engulfed their minds for them to not think straight. He didn't know how the tension between them had risen up so much as for them to fight. Simply given, they were the most calm people he knew in any situation possible. But it was getting out of hand. Their voices too loud and their stances too dangerous. He could no longer stand their argument. 

Only that it was a little late.

"Oh my god, Yoongi! Catch a break."
Namjoon roared, just as Hoseok cut his call that was intended for the restaurant's management.

He quickly put his phone inside to enter the house where he saw Yoongi and Namjoon standing at the two ends of their humble space. Their eyes were fierce and seemingly the air had waves of unforgiving rage.

"You're telling me to catch a break? Are you serious?"
Yoongi shouted with wild eyes.

"Of course, I am. Why are you so stuck on this?"
Namjoon yelled at his oldest boyfriend.

"Because Namjoon, this isn't the first time it is happening. You forget it each time."
Yoongi gritted his teeth in annoyance.

"Hey, let's–"
Hoseok tried speaking only to be cut off abruptly by his Namjoon who at the moment, didn't look like the one he knew and loved.

"Goddamn it! Why don't you understand that it was a compulsory seminar I had to attend?"
Namjoon answered with irritation.

"Let me wack my memory a little harder and see when you gave us reasons instead of just accepting it. Oh wait, it's every fucking time! Just come clean and give me a fucking break."
Yoongi sneered and Hoseok finally understood why they had picked this up.

Their anniversary of being together for 4 years was today. Well, yesterday to be exact given it was nearing 1 in the night already. Yoongi and Hoseok had saved up money to give a surprise to Namjoon as a dinner date in one of those expensive restaurants. The type that always left their youngest partner in awe when they drove past them. Money had been tight for quite a while, so this was a big dent to their savings. But nothing could amount to the love they held for him. And the whole reason for that was to give Namjoon a break from his extensive work life. 

The one that left him drained to the bone underneath.

And as implied, Namjoon didn't come on time. Or for the next three hours as the two others stayed waiting at home— as they had planned to leave together for the unknown surprise. Not a single message or a call. That only seemed to anger Yoongi who concealed the sadness with it, unlike Hoseok. And when it was finally 11:30, Namjoon came in with a tired smile, unaware of their effort.

"It isn't that serious. Stop insinuating stuff you don't mean."
Namjoon muttered, as Yoongi stood with his tongue poking his inner cheek.

"Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if you had informed us earlier. Both of us had gotten off work early and prepared all this for you. For our anniversary."

"It's just one fucking dinner. And I hadn't gone off leaving you guys. I am sorry for doing that, okay? If I had to choose, then we wouldn't be fighting like this. We would be sipping wine like you wanted with hopes of a kiss or two. Never this, especially not on our fucking anniversary. But this was an important seminar and I just had to."

"I didn't have the choice to make a decision where I could leave my job halfway to be here."
Namjoon tried explaining with desperation in his words.

"Choices. Wow, you are talking about choices to me. I have taken more risks in my life than you can count. They were always choices, weren't they? And yet, I chose you above all that I could have had. That was the risk I was willing to take."
Yoongi chuckled with a calm demeanour as opposed to the minutes before.

Hoseok wasn't sure why they escalated this to a level like this. One that would ultimately leave one or more of them hurt beyond repair. Yoongi was never the person to get angry, not even in the worst of situations. At least never at his precious Namjoon. But something had shifted beyond comprehension.

Maybe it was the desperation of wishing everything was as before with the three of them spending time together. Or the fatigue of being let down constantly— which was unintentional, but it still hurt. Or the dying hope of not having enough to just exist. 

But as the room faded in and out of the waves of icy cold and red heat; it all felt worse.

Something in Hoseok screamed that it was all wrong and the beginning of more wrongs. 

"Fucking hell, I've seen your risks. Was that why I had to pay your bills for the first months of our relationship? Or that time we picked you up at 1 from that dingy place? Risks don't ensure we survive. Stability does. And I go to my 9-5 job for that."
Namjoon muttered, his eyes glossy and voice shaking with emotions.

"And today was no exception. I went to that seminar as part of my job."

No one corrected him that today's job was up to 11 unlike what was expected of a 9-5. 

Instead, Hoseok could see the first lines of aggression on Yoongi's face. 

Namjoon had hit a spot so hard that it was practically impossible to ignore.

"All of us have jobs, Joon. And I know the difficulties of it. But you are overplaying your part."
Yoongi spoke with stern eyes.

"What the fuck? I'm earning so that we don't end up on the streets. You sure as hell know that we can't keep trusting on your irregular money."
Namjoon pointed out, slamming the table beside them.

"You had no right to pull that, Kim Namjoon. I'm trying. Trying my best."
Yoongi yelled with betrayal and hurt in his eyes.

It had seeped too far.

Namjoon had gone too far.

"Well, your best isn't feeding us, is it? Accept that fact and get on with it."
Namjoon pointed out, putting the last nail in the coffin.

That was the breaking point. 

Even for Hoseok, who was hoping to cut some slack on Namjoon for the earlier comments. 

He also knew Yoongi was frustrated, but to take it out on a clearly overworked Namjoon wasn't it. Neither was the younger's unsolicited jabs at the other's career choices, as if he hadn't heard enough from his own family.

Hoseok had to break them apart. He couldn't let them tear each other to the point that everything would crumble. He walked towards them with a resolve, only for Yoongi to rush past him towards the door. The older had run away from their home into the cold without a coat and muffler.

"Yoongi hyung!"
Hoseok yelled for the older who had gone too far. Upon turning around, he heard another door shut close. 

"Namjoon!"
Hoseok tried calling out for the younger who had locked himself inside his room.

Hoseok was torn in between. In between whom to chase, knowing full well there's a chance of getting an explosion of words from either. He wanted to intervene earlier but he could be the brunt of it all. And for all he knew right now it felt beyond repair. None of them had talked to him and rather had been up each other's business. He was not being dramatic, but he felt too lost. 

He was not ready for this.

Well, that was an incorrect statement, to be honest.

This was long due pending. He had seen the cracks in the vase. 

He had tried his best to fix them with glue. Perhaps a little gold in the cracks to shine better. But alas, it never worked that way. The glue never seemed strong enough for it to be pieced. Hoseok's kintsugi skills were never good to begin with. The agitated looks, the miscommunication, the anger, the situation itself was taxing on Hoseok who loved them both dearly. And to top it off his job was already tiring enough.

The corporate world sucked his soul dry. Running back and forth to get the sales record right, to display the visualisations in front of a board, to make the choices for the better of the department, all while looking at an opening of a promotion or a big raise. He had been working for over 2 years here. Sure, it was tiring and made him rip off his hair, but he couldn't let go. Not when stability in his life had just made an entry. He couldn't let that go and pursue his dream of laying under the sun with nothing to worry about. 

This was his life, despite it barely making the money he needed to survive.

And so with his boyfriends fighting, he wasn't prepared for all the added stress.

But he couldn't choose. Never choose in between two parts of his heart. In between his two pearly eyes. In between his protective, tangerine-loving Yoongi and his sweet, dimple-faced Namjoon. Such a decision would only leave him on the brink of death. 

Or so he believed.

🐿️: Hyung, get back home. Let's talk it through.

Yoongi hadn't returned back to their apartment. Hoseok tried to contact the older man who never picked up his calls or even looked through his messages. He had been sending messages daily until last week - which had been his own breaking point. Yoongi was hurting, and Hoseok was helpless in all aspects of their relationship. They left him in the dark as the fight had no meaningful conclusion. Hoseok couldn't go to his older boyfriend's workplace either. It was just not feasible or possible at the moment. 

More so because Yoongi didn't allow anyone in. 

Meanwhile, Namjoon wasn't any better. He was away too long. Never returned home on time. It would either be too early in the morning or late into the dead of night. Hoseok tried asking up to be there for him, but Namjoon seemed to ignore his existence as a whole. Too invested in the deep hurt that was inflicted, the younger managed to stay away from anything that pertained to Yoongi and by correlation, Hoseok. Maybe his own pride was far too big to see his neglected partners. 

But Hoseok didn't make it about himself. 

He never wanted to.

This was indeed a two man fight in a three-way relationship that had originated from the fact of them being together. But with neither of them talking to each other, despite Hoseok's efforts, the whole anniversary celebration felt like a bane. There was no specific conversation between the three of them. Hoseok was hurting along with the two boys. It was obvious given how much he lived for them. They were his main motivation to go to work every morning. And with everything awry, it just wasn't right.

It was truly wrong of them to be so far from each other.

🐿️: Can at least one of you come home at six? We need groceries for next week.

Hoseok wasn't surprised at all.

On the contrary, he was expecting this to be the outcome.

The clock ticked away yet again for the minute hand to reach three. Fifteen minutes up and yet none of them here. They hadn't even read the group chat, maybe had muted it all together. Their once-lovely group chat, reduced to this lifeless holder of sweet messages. He just wished at least one of them would respond, maybe even 'I can't make it today'. He hoped from the little stubborn part of his heart that they would come home.

Come home to him.

"It's okay."

Hoseok repeated once again, as he walked out of the house with a bag to fill up the groceries alone. They had let him down but it was okay. They would eventually come back.

*Ring* *Ring* *Ri-*

The call didn't go straight to the voicemail. It wasn't picked on purpose. 

Hoseok just wanted to know if the credit card bills were paid by Namjoon. He was the one who had taken the responsibility from early on in their relationship. Maybe, Hoseok also wanted to hear his soothing voice. It has been so long since he even returned home. It was just Hoseok with his loneliness filling up every nook and corner of this dainty little home.

It was evident after all, wasn't it? They were not only ignoring each other, but also him. The one who had done nothing wrong yet, put under the bus.

It was okay, until it wasn't.

As the night fell, Hoseok's mind in its own twisted fantasy wondered if they would ever care. 

Would they care if he went away? 

Or were they too stuck in their burning flame of animosity that he didn't matter anymore? 

Would they even choose to give a proper closure to this? 

Or was the fight a closure in itself? 

Would they finally end his borrowed misery? 

Or let time be the wheels of fate for their end?

It would seem unfair for the both of them to fight over something so trivial. But that had been building up since long. And to be honest, Hoseok wasn't at fault in both their eyes. But as they closed him off from the world, which seemingly included Hoseok as well. He couldn't help but rewind and think if he could have prevented this rift. He was afraid of the outcome that this fight would hold in their future. Would they break up? Leave him alone? Or fight even longer? 

He hoped for the latter, since that meant he could still be with them. Together physically. The fight had been extended for more than three weeks. Longer than ever. And somehow his friends' ridiculed words on how 3 way relationships don't work made him frown. Maybe the others were right.

"Hoseok-ssi, there are two visitors for you!"
His co-worker's voice broke him from the work-fueled maniac haze. 

Hoseok solemnly nodded as he took steps out of his cabin towards the reception area. Only to find the people that had been avoiding him.

"Uh...why are you two here?"
Hoseok asked as he feared the worst, seeing the tired and unsettling faces of his loved boyfriends.

It had been so long since he had even got a glimpse of their faces. Their eyes looked void of any emotion as if they were programmed to utter the words and perform the actions sought worthy. Yoongi looked like he had been hibernating all week except in front of the laptop and running on a few cups of iced americanos. Namjoon had let himself grow a stubble, too tired to keep up with his scheduled shaving. 

(While he did look great with that look— Hoseok adored the prickly sensation of his not-yet beard, this wasn't a good sign. 

It never was.)

"Uh hoseokie, I'm sorry we disturbed you. Can you just take the day off and accompany us out?"
Namjoon asked, rubbing his neck weakly.

Hoseok's heart hammered with fear of what was happening. They didn't look quite happy, on the contrary they looked upset. Yoongi's face screamed with lack of sleep, while Namjoon was putting on a facade that Hoseok could see through. 

"Can't we just do this in the evening? I'm in the middle of my work."
Hoseok said, looking back to see if his manager was still in his cabin.

"Please."
Namjoon's broken pleas was enough for Hoseok to whip his head around and make a decision.

"Ok. I'll pack my stuff, wait for me."

The car ride back home was eerily quiet. With the excuse of an emergency, Hoseok had asked for the rest of the day off. Yoongi, who was behind the wheel, hadn't uttered a word and it only made Hoseok more nervous. Namjoon, who was in the passenger seat, simply sat stiff with a pensive and far away look. His stomach was in knots with what this was all about. Unknowingly, he reverted to his nervous stim of bouncing his leg up and down in an erratic rhythm. Though it could be taken as annoying, none of the two mentioned anything about it. 

Hoseok couldn't help but be glad that he was seeing the two after so long. It had been a long month of his boyfriends being distraught and far away.

He loved them so much. Hopefully, they resolved it today and there's no more hurting to be experienced.

"So, what is this about?"
Hoseok asked, as he sat opposite to the both of them.

To his displeasure, both of them were still far from his reach, meaning no physical touch to calm his nerves. But, this was an important discussion by the looks of Namjoon fiddling his fingers and Hoseok was going to hear them out.

"I'm leaving. And we need to break up."
Namjoon muttered solemnly. 

Silence followed through filling in the exceedingly huge spaces that were left by the words.

"Wonderful way to break it to him!"
Yoongi sneered from the side, as he crossed his arms across his chest.

Hoseok simply stared, trying to repeat whatever Namjoon had just stated. His mind was filled with static noise as the next words only felt like they were spoken from underwater.

"I got an opportunity to work in Canada. And given how the circumstances are, it would be better for us to dissolve this relationship."
Namjoon spoke, more diplomatic than ever. 

"Why are you not telling anything? You can't just sit like that!"
Hoseok asked, turning to Yoongi instead. He hoped that the oldest of them would say it was a prank and call it off.

Maybe they had spoken and made up. Maybe they were just kidding. Maybe they were tricking Hoseok into believing that their love wasn't forever.

"I've spoken enough previously. And honestly with the company promoting me, I get to remote work for a few months. Might go back to Daegu."
Yoongi shrugged lightly.

"You aren't serious. No. No. Both of you aren't real. It's just my head talking. Yeah, that's it."
Hoseok frantically spoke, standing up to pace back and forth in the living room.

He never thought they would break up. No, not them. They were patient and loving. They had promised each other a future where they were happy and retired. They had planned so many castles of golden sand in their dreams. They knew each other like the back of their hand. They communicated their needs.

Well, that was questionable now, wasn't it?

"Hoba, I'm sorry that it came to this. But we aren't the best together. We aren't compatible."
Namjoon explained, still seated on the couch.

"You're telling me? Like we haven't compromised to make it work for the past year."
Hoseok yelled, coming to a stop in front of the two of them.

"You saw how we fought, right? Our priorities are different. And you can't say no to a decision that'll just make everything easier. We talked over again and we just can't."
Namjoon continued though, the discernible sense of feeling out of place was evident in the other's voice.

"You don't get to raise your voice against me. No, not when you've been ignoring all my texts and calls. Not when the both of you decided to completely ignore my existence for a month. Especially so, when I have done nothing to deserve that."
Hoseok shouted, anger unbridled in his tone.

"You forgot me. You ignored me when I asked to solve this. Like I wasn't part of this relationship. Had another supposed talk to take a decision on a relationship that included three and not just two. We could've been cuddling like always if you had listened to me. It wasn't something you couldn't solve."

"Even today, you just see yourselves. Never me, like the way both of you stormed out after the fight."

Hoseok raged on for his anger was valid and they had nothing to add to it. What would they even say when they were the ones who had blindly decided one day and cane to announce it to him on the other like he wasn't part of their relationship? With his mind whirling, he sat on the couch again unable to figure out how it had all gone to shit. He knew how but he didn't know when it had seeped to the extent of no return.

"I'm sorry for doing that. The anger had blinded me and I'm regretful of that. But, we can't work it out together. It's the final decision. We've changed and we don't fit like the puzzle we were meant to be."
Yoongi muttered, eyes still and careful.

"Sorry. Right, you're sorry."
Hoseok laughed loudly as he unbuttoned the first few shirts and loosened his patterned tie.

"Hoseok-ah..."

"And you are right again. Both of you are immature adults who couldn't handle being in a relationship with another, much less two. So, yes this is indeed the right choice. Shit, you can't even see me eye to eye."
Hoseok chuckled yet again as his eyes lingered on.

Maybe for the last time, he'll face them.

Hoseok pulled out the cigarettes from the hidden drawer and a lighter to light one for himself. Taking a big puff, he rested his head back to stare at the ceiling. The smoke filled his lungs in a way that only their love seemed to allow. But now that wasn't plausible so his best bet was on a pack of cigars and his own emotions. The couch felt too soft for his body to melt on. And his body seemed to take that luxury as he let his limbs lose for the first time in this month. There was nothing more to this.

Hoseok didn't really know what to think or do. His thoughts were a muddle of 'oh no, i shouldn't smoke in. joon hates it when I do that.' and 'did they not think it was wrong to break my heart like this?'

His eyes were brimmed with tears that threatened to flow sideways. His work clothes felt too trapping, their gazes on him pushing his bubbling sadness further. And he couldn't care less about his smudged eyes or his weary body after the waterworks were drained out of him. Or the bitter feeling that was bubbling within him. It was his tomorrow self's worry. 

A worry he didn't wish to implore further.

For now, all his mind was focussed on the fact that they were breaking up over a fight that could've been prevented. 

But how long would that last? 

It would eventually be another remark, another issue, another situation to deal with. Maybe the outcome of this would take longer but it would remain the same. Another puff in and Hoseok wondered if they weren't mature enough to handle this. As adults who had jobs, maybe they weren't equipped to deal with each other's shortcomings. Maybe not enough courage to compromise for their loved ones. Maybe too hot-headed to see the world through others' eyes.

Yoongi and Namjoon sat in front of him like obedient puppies from the shelter. They stared at Hoseok who stubbed the cigar on the ashtray and suddenly got up. He dreadingly walked to the kitchen cabinet to get out the whisky that he had bought for the anniversary. It was a 12 years special edition Windsor bottle that was notoriously ranged higher on the cost scale. He wasn't a big drinker, opting for less intoxicating ones, but something in his heart had broken beyond repair. And alcohol, as people claimed to soothe that burn. 

No ice, no soda, just rawdogging at this point.

"Hoseok-ah, please don't."
Yoongi spoke as he walked over to the kitchen where Hoseok stood with his glass and a pinched look on his face.

It was quite common knowledge between them that Hoseok didn't do well with drinks. And with the grimace that was showcased, it was obvious that it had burnt his throat badly.

"Why do you care? We aren't together, remember?"
Hoseok glared, making Yoongi step back from the counter.

Yoongi helplessly watched as Hoseok poured another shot down his throat. He knew it must have scorched his throat at the rate and mix of alcohol the other had. It was likely the younger's future self would regret this decision. And the least Yoongi could do was place some Avils on the dining table by morning.

"Leave by tomorrow morning. I need all your things gone. The house lease is still under my name."
Hoseok muttered flatly, taking the bottle with him to his room.

The same room that was unused as the three of them mostly occupied Namjoon's bedroom. Sure there were two bedrooms, but all the main necessities including Hoseok's numerous accessories had a permanent spot in the main bedroom. It was an unwritten rule to snuggle under the covers as Namjoon would playfully complain, meaning no harm. The king sized bed in his room had enough space to house all three of them even with their star fish sleeping positions. 

But with Hoseok going back to his room, everything had changed. The decision of breaking up finally cemented their lives. Their relationship of four years had come to an end on a bitter note.

A finalé.

The push and pull of the previous month had finally come to a rest. 

Yoongi should've been relieved. He should've enjoyed his solitude that had been quite non-existent with two partners by his side. He should've felt better that the tugging had stopped.

He shouldn't have to feel this way.

As he sat on the floor of his childhood room, he was overcome by the feeling of loss. He knew that relationships, especially ones that had him invested so far tend to give way into something ugly upon separation. But, he had hoped it wasn't the case. 

Foolish hoping for that undesirable presence to vanish, but hope nonetheless.

He had hoped that this time, for he was the one who had initiated it— of course, Namjoon did but he was on board— that it would be easier to let go. To not feel the heaviness in his heart pull him under and tear him apart. He had desperately hoped that it would change, but every time he closed his eyes, he was haunted by the image of Hoseok's sullen eyes and Namjoon's tired limbs.

Like it was his fault. 

He had hoped that their relationship wouldn't see this course, but alas, hopes were indeed fleeting. Paper cranes that floated with the breeze to a land far away from all this.

Yoongi had played it out.

A hundred times over.

A hundred different endings to the whole deal.

But it all went back to how it had played out. Ugly and painful.

🐿️: Hello hyung. Please come home. We can fix this. You know, we can.

The words were still glaring on his screen. It was there, unnervingly present. He was there, smiling as ever. They were there, love overflowing as the screen brightened one last time, before Yoongi switched it off. He couldn't stand the whirling grief in his chest. The happy picture of Hoseok during his birthday party with silly stickers pasted on his face by a very drunk Namjoon stared back at him.

But he knew what had happened. 

Namjoon had met Yoongi outside the hotel he was staying, one day before the actual breakup. It was a dingy small place just meant for a bed to rest your head on or an escapade to hide your fantasies with a partner. Yoongi wasn't fully sure how the other came to know of it, but he couldn't care about it as he stared at what had become of his love.

Broken, exhausted, and worn out.

"Hey, we need to speak."

"Here?"
Yoongi had asked, a little surprise colouring his words. They stood by the car's deck, shoulders brushing side by side. The night was alight and Namjoon's face bright enough for the strain to bear through as the neon light from the motel glittered.

"Preferably yeah."

"I'm not sorry."
Namjoon muttered as Yoongi pulled out his cigarettes from the back pocket.

"Great way to start, by the way."
A chuckle burst through, but Yoongi was tired to even be fully offended by the notion.

"I stand by what I said. And I don't want to repeat the whole conversation."

"That I'm incompetent and reckless. Or that maybe my job wasn't the one keeping us afloat. Or that you don't trust my efforts will bring success."
Yoongi listed off, cocking his head to the side as the lighter pushed forward by Namjoon lit aflame. He could see Namjoon's eyes wander to his lips where his cigarette struck loose, almost hanging off carelessly.

"I didn't want to, but if you really must know then yes. To all of the above. Your head is in the clouds, hyung. Wake up, we're going to be 30 in a few years. There's no time for us to idly get on."

Yoongi felt the sharp pain as the invisible knife twisted further in. He tore his gaze away, puffing into the air as the smell of smoke enveloped him whole.

"You were right. We shouldn't have started it today."
Yoongi spoke, shushing the voices within that urged him to scream about the hundred things that were wrong with this whole fight.

Namjoon was adamant on where he stood. Even if it meant that Yoongi was getting hurt in the process.

Yes, Yoongi had pushed a little too far with the fight. He had exploded on a seemingly small thing. But he was tired of waiting for his love to be matched. For his longing to be fulfilled. For his boyfriend to come back to them and love with all his heart. For his heart that had been unknowingly rejected by harsh words.

"See, that was the thing. Despite all that, I also realised that I can't be the person you need. We aren't on the same wavelength. Maybe we never were to begin with. Maybe it was just Hoseok who had pulled us together on this ship. Maybe we were never in love."

"Don't say that. Don't you dare say that, Kim Namjoon. I will forget your existence as a whole if you ever mutter that again."
Yoongi muttered, passionate and furious.

'I LOVED YOU. I loved you like no other. I loved you enough to give up on my nights for you.'

The words unsaid, to be screamed out on the rooftops were once again trapped in his throat. Just like the tears that yearned for release.

"Either way, it doesn't matter. I'll leave soon. And, I know I can't do long distance relationships, especially when there's so much animosity between us."
Namjoon managed to voice out after the prolonged silence that had stretched between them. 

"The distance will only worsen that."

"But, break up?"

"Yeah, I mean you guys could stay together. It's not like —”

"I don't know if you remember, but it was always three of us or none."

"Moreover, I have been ignoring Hoba's messages and calls. So it might be easier to break the news to him."
Yoongi added, leaning his body backwards on the car as supported with his elbows against it.

It would look like a photoshoot, something sensual and relaxed, except all Yoongi could think about was how his feet couldn't support him any longer. The truth had always been there, but today it felt like that same truth he refused to believe in was holding him by his neck, choking him harder than ever.

"Fuck, he'll hate us, won't he?"
Namjoon muttered and all Yoongi could do was have a humourless laugh

"That's it. We're done."

"I was expecting more fanfare. I'm glad we had a somewhat civil conversation."

"We're not enemies. You...were my love. We might be on the verge of a break up, but I couldn't hate you. You are still my Namjoon."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

"I can't tell you more, since you're technically not mine. But Joon-ah, love is not a waste of time. Celebrating that love isn't one. Especially the people you love reciprocate it with the same reverence you have. Maybe in the future, you won't get your heart broken like I got mine."

Yoongi was still haunted by Hoseok's fatigued sadness when he last saw him in their home. It was a sight like no other. Whiskey in one hand, loosened tie on his neck, eyes that sagged under the weight of their decision and pretty lips turned downwards. Every night, that Hoseok stands at the end of the tunnel that leads to more darkness. Each of his nightmares are coloured in with the presence of regret that he could change the past in a way it didn't hurt them.

Yoongi believed somewhere that he would never live that down. The fact that he was also the reason for that look only made it more miserable. 

"Yoongi-yah, just get out of this room. You've been holed up since the time you got here. Just go out and breathe some fresh air."
His mother’s voice from outside the room came through.

Yooni ignored her voice because his own voices drowned everything else. Loud and ravaging by their tone as they tore him up from within over every mistake he had done that had led him to be curled up here. 

Pathetic. 

That’s what his head screamed as he helplessly closed his eyes, letting the memories of Hoseok and Namjoon beside him enjoying the meagre life they led together, replay in his head, over and over again. He was happy, gummy smiles on display as the giggly voices of his lovers washed him over.

He should have fought harder for that love he had found in the darkest of times.

His heart was still distraught, torn between wanting to bare his heart, crying for the love he had lost and feeling rageful over the words that had been spewed by Namjoon before. Anger really brought out the worst in people, hidden words mistakenly coming out like venom spit by the snake. 

And despite all that, he didn’t really fault Namjoon for his words and emotions that ran too high, much like how he had too. 

The day that was supposed to be in honour of their relationship that had sailed through the turbulent rapids, but it was unfortunately the day that had marked the failure of their promises and communication.

He didn’t exactly know if he regretted his words, fully knowing that it had aided negatively in the breaks of their fragile state as three. He didn’t know what to feel as everything he did resulted in sadness over lost times and mistakes that shouldn’t have been.

He didn’t know and that was it.

“Yoongi, c’mon. At least tag along with me to your aunt’s place.”
His mother’s voice came again.

"Don't wanna."

A small mutter from Yoongi, feeble in its tone, just enough for his mother to hear and gently open the door to his room. He would have totally been embarrassed by the fact that he was pathetically lying on the floor, eyes wet from tears of days gone and that his mother was here to see him in his ugliest forms.

But, he just couldn’t bring himself to care for what she thought as he curled into himself closer, knees to his chest as he laid on his side. Closing into himself, protecting himself from everything outside, and caging those bad feelings that threatened to escape.

There was a little creak and a slightly bony hand in his hair, petting the unruly ones. Yoongi could recognise his mother’s hand any day of the week and despite his reluctance, he involuntarily reached into the palm that had outstretched to soothe him. They just existed like that for a solid half hour with no words exchanged, his mother simply choosing to let Yoongi set the pace as needed.

“I don’t know how it all just crumbled so fast.”
Yoongi mumbled, face still hidden in the crook of his own elbow.

“Is this about your boys, Namjoon and Hoseok?”
His mother tried, coaxing him to speak further.

“They aren’t…anymore.”

Yoongi didn’t have to explain further as his mother seemed to catch the drift. This was the first time he had vocally accepted their breakup and it was frightening to say the least. 

He had packed the bare minimum stuff he had in their shared apartment, stayed in a hotel for a few days until his formal transfer was approved. Moving back home, his parents didn’t persuade him for questions, just invited him in with welcoming arms.

“Your room will always be yours, even if you don’t live here.”

And so, Yoongi had just made himself home, curling into himself in a shell that was made of remnants of his past self, one that was happily nestled between Namjoon and Hoseok on their bed. 

But now his childhood bed was his only respite, smaller and infinitely more colder than the one that had hosted him during all of his highs and lows in Seoul. This was still his, for the posters that hung on the opposite wall stared back at him with the intensity of longing for his teenage self, for the line of collectible car toys on his shield still stayed, reminding of everything he was as an avid wide-eyed kid. 

He had taken a break for 3 weeks from his job and thus, hoped to finish his mourning process by then, hoping to have moved on to another phase of his life. But, oh had he underestimated the toll of how this relationship break would affect him.

How foolish of him to think that 3 weeks was enough for all the hurt in his heart!

The years spent together, Namjoon and Hoseok beside him, had rewired his DNA for good, the molecules of change occurring within him as he yearned for the lost love between them. How could he be so foolish to let them go?

He should have fought harder, been stronger, resilient to the breaks unseen but he had tried. He had tried his best to bridge the gap, work it out for the better, work the knots in their relationship but Namjoon and himself being hotheads never really worked to the ideal, poor Hoseok getting caught in trying harder than each of them.

“Eomma, everything hurts. I don't know anymore and it's making me mad. I can't do this.”

“Oh my baby, it's okay. It's not the end of the world. It's —”

Yoongi didn't need to hear it for he knew. 

He knew that some day he would be okay. He had seen it work over and over, movies, shows and friends. Everyone moved on eventually and then there was a time that nothing of it mattered, like the world hadn't slipped past his feet overnight. They all had worked on themselves so far that the shells of their past selves were no longer present and so the memories faded, only space for the important ones. All the silly things faded into oblivion, never to see the light of day.

He would be okay someday.

After all, he was a human with a life so limited yet expansive enough to fill the tides of times. The cycle of rinse and repeat would overtake and maybe then he wouldn't cry so much. 

Time healed hurts, even the hidden ones. 

But Yoongi truly believed this one, this relationship between the three of them was different. That even when he grew older with hunched shoulders and wonky knees, he would still reminisce and think of what it could have been if they had stayed, if they hadn't fought, if they had tried a little more. That they had found their way back to each other every other time and that should mean something. 

Hoseok and Namjoon were different. They brought a different glow from within him, a different meaning to the life he had led till the moment he met them. He didn’t really have words for what they made him feel, even when they were just friends. Perhaps, their mistake was to go a step further in that. They shouldn’t have treaded further. They should have left it at—

“I can hear you thinking, Yoongi.”

And then there was a resounding sob.

He was thinking too far, too wrong, too much. He needed a stop, he couldn’t spiral like this. This wasn’t the brave child that his parents had raised, this wasn’t the strong young man who had braved through the pain of a broken knee to get the job done, this wasn’t the Yoongi that had Namjoon and Hoseok falling over their feet, all in love and admiration.

He had to pick himself up before the spiral affected his reality, illusions cropping faster than he could recover, disregarding his own memories.

“Bubba, c’mon. I’ll get you some ice for those eyes and we can eat mangoes, yeah?”
His mother’s soft voice made its way as she helped him up into a sitting position rather than the curled one.

“We can even watch one of those sappy movies that make you laugh, hm?”
She said, holding her son’s cheeks in the palm of her hands and wiping away the tear tracks on his cheeks.

Yoongi nodded, in hopes that it would help. Anything to numb the pain within for a while, despite his own doing at it. Anything to let it not swallow him whole, like he wasn’t worth anything more. Anything to not worry his mother further as if his existence hadn’t already felt like a burden— though, he knew she would always disagree with him on that.

And so with a small smile, he went along with everything as she helped him wash his face with the warmth of a mother’s touch. When they did sit with ice wrapped under his eyes, Yoongi felt the numbness of the cold melt into his body, beyond the senses at play. He was numb all over, feeling like the urge to cry never went away.

His head hurt like it was about to burst, eyes red and raw like they had seen eternities already, but here he was feeling his heart get heavier each second, wanting to cry until there was nothing left of him.

But, then there was his mother, nudging the cubed up mangoes in a bowl towards him, urging him to take a bite as the television played the dialogues of the movie he had watched only a hundred times before.

And at that very moment, he thought that he could hold it off. Push it for another time and maybe, just maybe he could let himself not obsess over something he longer had. 

Despite all the fallacies presented, he could try.

Something ought to give way, right?

It did gave way, much later.

Six months later, to be precise.

Not really enough time to grieve or move on, if you asked Yoongi.

Well, if you asked him what was the ideal time period for such a breakup to heal, he would say infinite, countless years in response without hesitation.

Yoongi had seen quite a few lovers, some flings and some about-to-be serious relationships in his time, but this was different. This was the first real relationship as adults he had, one that had consumed like the sun on a cloudy day, not letting the powerful sun strain further, providing shade by consuming the fiery ball for a few more until it gave way.

Well, this gave way too.

Yoongi had spent the next few days after his big breakdown of continually weeks to present himself for the job at hand. Technical requirements that were fulfilled and he was asked to be at the company on time. He was doing great, despite his legs feeling like they were made of lead.

All complaints would be taken by that dumb dumb dumb heart of his.

The job was going good, better than the state of how it had been when he had met Namjoon and Hoseok in college. Yes, they had taken that long, dancing past each other for years before they gave into the strong pull of their souls. They each tried moving on with other people, tried forcing those emotions under the rug until it erupted like a beautiful rainbow, colouring them pink in love.

Pink like the shades that bloomed under their eyes, on the plump of their cheeks and on those pretty lips of theirs.

Well, now it didn’t make sense to reminisce for something that didn’t exist any longer.

He had gotten a raise recently and a big project that required him to be in Seoul since the groundwork was to be held and monitored by him alone. And so, with heavy hearts, his parents sent him back to that treacherous and unforgiving city. Luckily this time around, they had provided him accommodation for the duration of his stay which could take up to another three months.

It was going good, the monotony suiting him as he reached to his bed with weary bones and no one to cuddle him for the efforts he had put. He didn’t really crave validation, but having it naturally wrapped around his body by his ex-boyfriends, even back when they were just friends, had him feeling like he was cold turkeying from an addiction.

Recoiling hurt brewed in him and there was no one to blame except himself.

Going good until it gave way into more. 

Five weeks back in Seoul and he was clutching the phone to his ear as he grabbed his coat and quite literally ran with droplets of rain cascading along his face after having seeped through his hair. 

Unluckily for him because he couldn’t get a taxi and that meant the bus stop was his best bet. He couldn’t care less for anything as he frantically checked the time as his mind raced with what could have happened to be prompted as the receiver. Especially this late in the evening and to him, of all people.

There was a distant echo in his head, the voices all too familiar as he awaited the stop near to his destination. There was a softness around the edges, making him trip over his senses as the echo only increased with each passing second.

‘Love me like we are the last people on this planet. Love me like we will cease by existence from the lack of it for a mere second. Love me with all of you for my heart will always be in your hands.’

Oh, how he had failed the man in question!

Love had existed like water between them, free-falling and whole. Love had existed in all the shades known, but that had turned ugly all too fast, ticking time faster than the feet that carried them forth. Nothing could stop it and Yoongi had failed the past him that had promised to uphold it till the end of time.

Perhaps this was the end of time after all. 

Love had existed before. And then it spilled, fell between the fingers, trampled by vicious desires until it was gone. But that love was never forgotten despite all the failings associated with it.

As dramatically poetic it was, their love hadn’t stood against the tides of time despite all trials, despite the over-the-top commitments asked of.

"Why are you here?"
Yoongi questioned, eyes wide and concerned upon seeing the familiar face in front of him.

His chest heaved with each breath as the run from the bus stop to the reception had him panting with exertion. The strain on his legs were nothing in comparison to the scare that the phone call had caused, he looked on at the person in front of with a million thoughts running in his head. 

He couldn’t think anymore with the whole reason for his arrival still amiss and unaddressed, And now this, it was too much but his body was catching up with his mind. His eyes deceiving his mind with the sight of the person he least expected, not in a million years right at that moment.

Kim Namjoon. 

"For Hoseok."

"No, why are you here? Weren't you supposed to be in Canada?"
Yoongi said, breathless as ever, head hurting with the possibilities presented.

"I—"

"Hello, are you Jung Hoseok's family?"
Another voice came through, making them stop their little stare-off.

"Huh? Y-yeah I am. Is he okay?"
Yoongi said, turning to his heel and seeing the owner of the other prominent voice.

The woman was unimpressed, looking at the notes in her arms as she took the pen from her scrub’s pocket and clicked it to make note of something.

"Well, he is now. He had a nasty fall in his workplace which needed immediate attention, that is around 8 stitches on the side of his head. No concussions or other injuries on checking. His blood results will return soon and maybe more tests lated. The anaesthesia may take a while to wear off. But, he's okay overall. "
The nurse mentioned, as she looked at Yoongi for confirmation, since he looked more in charge than the other man.

"Can we meet him?"
Namjoon asked, looking lost and helpless, so unlike the last time Yoongi had seen him.

Some of them might have taken a bigger fall from the breakup, figuratively and literally.

"You may, but he's not awake. I'll meet you again, for the medicines that are needed for later.."

"When is his discharge?"
Yoongi questioned, eyes tracking past the crowd in the hallways of the hospital where he had been called to.

A call from Hoseok’s phone but the voice wasn’t his and neither was the message, ‘please meet us at the Seoul hospital as soon as possible.’ after having confirmed that Yoongi was indeed Hoseok’s family.

Well, that needed clarification.

But that didn’t matter as Yoongi would never hesitate to come. Especially when this was in question. It didn’t matter what they were to each other because health and safety came above everything at play. 

"We'll need to keep him under monitoring for about 24 hours."

The words were a careless whisper to Yoongi’s ears as he walked to the bed where Hoseok was kept, asleep and peaceful with a whole bandage wrapped around his head. It all faded away as the focus was on Hoseok and Hoseok alone. The nurse gave a curt nod before leaving them to their devices and well, patient.

Yoongi’s attention was now solely on Hoseok whose eyes slowly blinked up at him. His blinks were sluggish and slow, but anything was better than what his heart was going through for the last hour. His mind was already going at speeds impossible to see how this could have ended, calculating the ways in which it would have been all bad any path taken.

‘Edge of the cliff’ type of anxiety really wasn’t his thing.

But here he was, looking at Hoseok intently, waiting for anything else. Anything to show if he was okay, well and good despite everything. Yoongi was greedy like that, wanting the best for them even if they were forlorn lovers of the past.

"Yoomfi?"
Hoseok’s raspy and wobbly voice came out a minute later.

A small gasp and Namjoon was fumbling to open the water bottle, in case the other was thirsty. Yoongi could see it all unfold in the periphery of his eyes— Namjoon trying to be okay, stable on his feet despite the urge from within, being present and working, trying to help in any way possible.

"Hey, are you okay?"
Yoongi asked, hands holding onto Hoseok’s sides to help him upright. 

The injured one was malleable in his hands, moving to the cords of Yoongi’s tunes, soft and gentle in following the familiar touch.

"Loopy. Yeah, just dizzy.”
Hoseok muttered, still high off the anaesthesia. 

“Is that normal?”
Namjoon asked, still clutching onto the bottle.

“It will wear off soon. It usually does, so let’s give him some time.” 

Namjoon held the water bottle to Hoseok’s lips, chapped and uncertain in their wobble as the latter drank it up greedily, the hours of thirst catching up on him. The youngest of them looked on, weary and worried at everything that was going on. Yoongi could only watch on, slightly relieved over the seemingly okay state of Hoseok despite the blow up awaiting them in a few hours or perhaps days.

Or would they bury it like nothing happened? Like Namjoon hadn’t left for unknown reasons? Like Hoseok still hadn’t changed his emergency contacts? Like they weren’t frayed at the edges?

An hour passed by with all of them just seated there, well, all of them except Hoseok who was lightly dosing on the propped up pillows. Until there was a shuffling sound and peering, emotionless eyes stared at them.

"Why are you two here?"
Hoseok asked, voice rough from disuse, but quite clear in usage as compared to before when he was zonked from the drugs.

"We were your emergency contacts."
Namjoon mumbled, his eyes not quite meeting the other’s.

"No, like in Seoul?"
Hoseok asked again, voice calmer than ever.

"Got transferred for three months over a project."
Yoongi’s explanations weren’t half as bad he hoped, not quite the lie but he could imagine how it might have come off as such

"I never left."
Namjoon replied, quieter just as when Yoongi had questioned it.

"Huh?"

"I didn't take that opportunity. I couldn't leave. I chose not to leave."
Namjoon continued, eyes focussed on his own hands.

Yoongi’s eyes peeked just enough to notice the slight shake in the hands, unnerving and quiet as he had almost never seen such a reaction from the youngest.

Sure, there were times of fear, anxiety and perhaps a weird mixture of overthinking and exhaustion, but not this. This was different, new and totally out of Yoongi’s previous expertise as Namjoon’s boyfriend. This was learnt over the past six months and it wasn’t good.

No, this…this was bad. 

But, Yoongi had issues to tackle at the moment. For example, Hoseok’s health was top priority. And his silence that had spoken more volumes than any of the chaos inside his head.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience I've caused. I'll manage from here."
Hoseok’s words were cut off, sharp and adequate. Barely, but adequate.

"I'll ask my sister to help me. So, you can leave. Thank you once again."

"Hoba...please let us."
Yoongi tried, softer after having worn out.

"No."

A single statement at that.

And they had to respect it whole-heartedly. No arguments on that, just none for they had to respect the other’s wishes.

"Why are you two outside?"
Daehyun’s voice came after 10 minutes.

A voice that Yoongi was quite familiar with since she had been his senior, quite a popular one and had also helped him on various occasions before their whole friends-to-lovers arc. She was reliable, had been around for almost all the big events in their combined lives and was a pillar of strength, no bias of being Hoseok’s sister.

"He doesn't want us in."
Namjoon said, hands still shaking despite being out of the field of potential attack, if that was the reason.

"I see.”

"Noona, please."
Yoongi’s voice was a mere whisper in the backdrop of everything else.

"I'll see what I can do. But, no promises."

"Thank you."

Yoongi’s gratefulness shone through his words and with a nod, Daehyun was out of vision. Yoongi hoped it was enough, hoped that it would give him a chance.

A chance for what?

He didn’t know the answer to that ‘what’, and somewhere along the lines he didn’t want to know it either. He was scared of knowing it, scared of that outcome, scared of the ultimatum put across. He just didn’t want to know, just yet. 

There was fear in his heart, louder than ever. He could flinch for all the world cared, but he just couldn’t let the sand grains fall from the cracks of his fingers like they never existed, no trace, no love.

He absolutely despised this in-between situation of everything where answers was obscure and where minds were loud with unrest. Uncertain feelings brewing until it spilled over the imaginary cup that was holding it all together. 

But he hated the quiet after that, where everything was settled and there was no way of going back, no way of undoing it, no way of seeing your lovers’ faces. He had been through that once, and if he was given this second chance where he got to meet both of them then he would work it out, one way or the other.

He was not going back to the loud silences any more.

"Hey, you feeling okay?"
Daehyun asked, just as she sat on the same chair that Namjoon had sat on 30 minutes ago.

Hoseok's mind idly noted that, as he wondered if the stitches would hurt the next day. He didn't expect the fall to take so much out of him. One minute he was upright and the other it was all dark until he saw the blurry face of Min Yoongi. 

It was weird to think that he would encounter them. He had no clue that today would be the day he would see both of his exes after getting a nasty cut which resulted in eight stitches. He hadn’t planned this or any of what ensued later.

When he saw the older, he was half-way sure that he must be dreaming. Dreaming of all the happy memories of his ex-lover, where everything brought him back to them. Or that he was dead and it was the after-life where people saw the people they loved the most, the ones that had them yearning for stars unreachable, the ones that had them wondering if life could even get better at that point, the ones that just gave life to the spark within you.

But it wasn't either of those options. He was reluctantly but absolutely sure of it when he heard their voices, surprisingly Namjoon's too. 

And that had losing everything but he wasn't in the best of conditions to question it until later. 

Now, all that was left was a bigger mess, unanswered questions, clueless faces, new learnt habits and more. But Hoseok needed time to think and recover and that meant he needed then out of his sight. 

Not out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.

"Why are you acting like that?"
Hoseok asked instead, as he stared at his sister whose face was a blank slate, except it wasn’t.

He had spent too many years living with his sister, under the same roof to know how her face changed and how her words got limited when things weren’t alright. It was all too predictable for him as he studied the face he had seen for the past 28 years.

After all, he had most of those attributes noted to his own.

"Nothing. Just didn't expect to see my little brother in the hospital?"

"Aye, it's just a little wound. I'll be up and about in no time."

"One that had you getting 8 stitches."
Deshyun added, quiet and pensive in her words.

"Anyways, I think you need to change your emergency contact numbers."

"Oh don't remind me."
Hoseok said, shaking his head and regretted it a moment later as pain shot up his newly closed wound.

Daehyun made a hissing sound, as she got up to help Hoseok lean back on the pillows, resting his head.

"If it's any relief, they're still waiting outside."

"For what?"

For what, he dared to question.

And the answers were on the tip of their tongues, just metres away from his reach. Just minutes away from screaming it if the need be.

But it wasn’t. Shit like this rarely was.

They had answers, but none ready and open for Hoseok to see. None fit for the words of ex-boyfriends who lost him, cruel in their unknowing ways and clutching the knife to an unsuspecting heart. They had twisted until there was no more to give, blood all dried to their special anniversary whiskey, nothing of Hoseok to give to them anymore.

They were a concocted mess, all owning up to more than what they stretched.

For what, and the reason was evident, loud and clear within them, just not enough to bring it to words. Lifeless they lived in the crooked corners of the people they were. For what, the end was near but the war within waged like the oceans of doubt hadn’t parted them. Spewing all of it into unkind words from before, so quick on the tongue unlike the healing ones.

And for now, that mess was going to say as such, for they still had to figure out the little parts of themselves.

"I'm going out for a little while. Just call me, if anything happens."
Namjoon spoke, hoping that Yoongi had heard him.

His mess was far worse than everyone involved, at least he could feel all the signs towards it breaking apart with each second.

For now, it was the place he was in.

The hospitals always bought out the worst in him. Maybe it had to do with his early childhood life that had him in and out of hospitals after a bad viral infection which turned to multiple immunity deficit illnesses. The sterile smell of the hospital made him puke after spending over 3 weeks in closed white walls with IV lines attached to his forearm. It was sickening to be stuck in the hospital where everyone seemed to be emotionless and robotic in their work.

(Namjoon wouldn't blame them, for if it had been him working in such a grim setting, he would be much worse.)

It was absolutely horrendous to be there as a kid who had a whole thriving school life to get back to. 

The dejection over missing out on all the cool stuff was bad especially when he saw his friends flaunting their fun times together without him, but the nauseous weird feeling holding out on him was even worse, if that was even possible. He desperately clung to the smell of citrons and comfort of his favourite hero manga book.

The only two saviors in his world of misery.

Those hospital trips had caused a huge dent on his parents' savings. And though they hadn't explicitly mentioned it to him, their fights would contain traces of how much of a burden he was. 

It was subtle but it was there evidently, even noticeable for the seven year old him. 

He had seen his mother’s eyes red and angry as she pointed to the bills spread across the floor of their living room. He had seen his father be absent for multiple dinners in a row, only appearing with the distinctly cheap smoke smell that younger Namjoon hated with a passion.

That was until he grew older and got into the same habits of smoking to get his mind off things. But unlike his father he knew his limitations, put restraints on his to-be addictive patterns and tried to be better than bottling it all in.

Well, he had managed to do so until six months ago.

Hell broke loose and that meant things came back in ten folds. Even the ones that would ultimately kill him from within, if the sadness didn’t already complete its mission.

He hated hospitals and anything associated with them.

All the bad memories from his childhood had stemmed from this dreaded place. He would absolutely love to never return here, even in the darkest times. 

But today, he had.

He had returned to Hoseok, without hesitation, without questions and without anything to back him from the fear and hatred crawling with him.

He had come here with bare necessities upon getting that call, not knowing whether Hoseok would even want to see him, not knowing that Yoongi would also be there, only for the need to satisfy those selfish urges within him.

The selfish urge of seeing the man whose reins had let past him. The selfish urge of knowing if he was okay, because all that sounded so serious on the call. The selfish urge of not letting the cracks in him break further, beyond repair.

For right now, he didn’t know if he was human anymore with all the barren fissures in his soul were out in the open for everyone to see. 

The hospital was a bad place to revisit his inner monologues and untreaded pasts that had gone wrong. It had always been a bad place, turning ugly by the minute with unfinished conversations cut shorter and unfiltered panic leading to places unknown.

Then, he also remembered how this was the same place where he had seen things turn for the better, where he saw glimpses of miracles in the people he had chosen to love forever.

This was the exact place where Hoseok, who hated pain of any sorts—thus his reason for not getting his ears pierced with them— had readily come to the hospital for him and donated blood as a replacement for the blood banks when Namjoon had got into an accident on his way to work.

The same Hoseok who hated needles hadn't taken a moment longer to heave Namjoon across the room— bridal style despite the obvious struggle as the younger struggled to stand upright with his fever burning through the skin. The same Hoseok who was there with Yoongi who filled all the paperworks, bought the necessary items, paid the bills, changed his clothes and basically did everything else for Namjoon.

They were there for him during both those times, unasked for their presence but quite essential as Namjoon had rested in his bed, half drowsy and half in pain.

The truth of hospitals being part of his nightmare hadn’t ceased over the years. It was horrid and he felt like dying each time he was here. But it was also the place he had seen selfless love displayed from the people around him, especially his ex-boyfriends. They had helped him recover without a complaint on their tongues.

Love that existed in each of their glances and touches. He had seen that love open to him and embraced him whole without questions.

"Namjoon-ah."
Yoongi’s voice broke through the realisation in his head.

"Did Hobi need anything?"
Namjoon asked, a little frantic as he checked his phone for calls that he could have possibly missed.

"No, he's still talking to his sister."

"Ok. That's good."

"But are you?"
Yoongi questioned, his eyes intent and with purpose as they focussed straight onto Namjoon.

"Huh? Me? I'm not hurt."

"Joon-ah...just because we can't call each other ours doesn't mean I magically forget that you don't do well in hospitals."
Yoongi muttered, as he cut through the bullshit lie that Namjoon was elaborately planning in his head.

"What do you want me to say?"
Namjoon asked, accusatory in his tone. 

But Yoongi had enough to study those expressions, the slight twitch in the eyebrows, the little crack in his voice, the shuffling of feet, everything that pointed to Namjoon not really knowing what to say rather than the words coming out offended.

"Nothing. You don't owe me anything."

"I don't like the smell. I don't like the lights there."

Namjoon’s words were clipped, strange and just overall, off.

There was a heaviness to it, an undertone of something buried, something lost and something terrible. His hate for hospitals was evident in his demeanour more than in his words. 

And Yoongi had to try hard to fight that instinctual need to step up, protect Namjoon from all this. Despite them not being lovers, much less friends, the need was strong. It was the past flashes of a more feeble Namjoon begging them not to take him to the hospital, saying that he would rather die here than go there. It was everything that still reminded Yoongi of how Namjoon wasn’t all the grown man the world sees and sometimes, he was still young, afraid, curious— his Namjoonie .

The urge to care had never faded in Yoongi, especially strong with the two most favourite people on the planet.

"You can go home, you know? Hoba is fine. His sister is here—"

"No. I want to be here for him."
Namjoon cut him off, hands in his pocket as they tried to fish for something.

Something familiar, something loved, something warm. Too warm.

"This isn't how exes are supposed to act."

"Oh, so there's a guide now? A guide on how exes should treat each other."
Yoongi chuckled, as he took out his own pack of cigarettes to help with the utilisation of the flame playing on Namjoon’s hand.

The lighter was aflame, orange and alluring in its dance of fires. Namjoon looking at it for a moment too long until he clicked it away and put the lighter away, where it belonged. Yoongi stared on, quite puzzled for a second, but slowly did the same.

If Namjoon wasn’t keen on it, he wasn’t going to test it. Whatever has the younger comfortable was the priority, nothing else, not even the crawling urge to smoke his worries for a second—for a bonding moment, perhaps.

But they were having that quite well, with no additional elements at play.

"No. But this. This isn't encouraged. We aren't supposed to do this."
Namjoon sharply mentioned, eyes set on the lines of cars in the parking lot.

How had Yoongi found him in this big, slightly unfamiliar place without any tracking was a question in Namjoon’s head, but among all the other burning issues, it didn’t quite gather the support to be voiced out as such. But the lagging thought of how well his ex knew him to find him in this exact place had settled quite uncomfortably somewhere along the lines.

"Have a civil conversation?"
Yoongi chuckled, knowing how it got on Namjoon’s nerves, but he couldn’t help it.

They had left it all in the open for far too long.

The strikes had pushed them farther than imaginable and Yoongi wouldn’t stand it no more.

He would try to put that first step out, even if it was the most uncomfortable thing ever— and that was on him having to go in visibly inside out shirt to an important interview when he was 21. 

They needed to change for better, back to the past, a different life, anything but the six months that had broken them further.

"You know better than that.”

"Then why are you still here?"

"Because I'm just a coward who dreams of us every night. Three of us together."
Namjoon muttered, quieter than ever.

"I will stay for him. Doesn't matter how everyone expects us to act. I will be there for him."
The taller of them continued in that same tone.

"Is this your way of repentance?"

Yoongi’s words struck deep and Namjoon couldn’t deny it either. It was harsh, unrepentant and brazen but it was there and it was the truth. There was no way of going about it.

Was the self-deprecation by image, health and everything surrounding his personal self not enough of a signal? 

One that had started from just around their time of breakup, as if atoning for the sin of causing that abyss in between the three of them? Lost to the world and so destroying what was in his control, even if it was himself.

"Huh?"

"You are guilty just like me, aren't you?"
Yoongi asked, not stopping with the words any longer.

"Guilty of everything that transpired between us. Guilty of the harsh decision you took. Guilty of not being there for him earlier."

"Stop. Please stop."

"You can't undo that guilt that's eating away. But you want to try nonetheless. So, you are here. In a place that causes your lungs to tighten and your legs to tremble. Just for him. Hoping he'll forgive you."

"Please hyung. Don't go there."
Namjoon said, breathless as if the cruel witch of the west had twisted his heart out of his body and wrenched it like a soulless demon.

"We are in the same boat, Joon-ah. Can't you see that in everything I did today?"
Yoongi said, tears lining his waterline.

Red-rimmed and tear drops collecting right there, not enough to fall, not enough to vanish, just there as a reminder of everything that built up within him, unheard thoughts of regret and guilt. Their want for redemption was unseen and unheard, but it was there existing in the cervices of unforgotten pasts filled with immeasurable pain.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to be."

"What wasn't?"

"Us. You, me and Hoseok. All of this."

"But life doesn't ask us before pushing us into situations, does it?"

"It did. It did to me."
Namjoon’s answer had Yoongi pausing for a minute. 

This wasn’t part of whatever he had planned, not part of the other pathway presented.

"I shouldn't have. And I did. I should have been there for our anniversary dinner, I should have left that conference to be there for you. I should have cherished your presence when life had given me that opportunity. Maybe then, we wouldn’t be meeting like this, awkward and broken.”

Yoongi had wondered this.

All of this, to be exact.

Maybe if they hadn’t fought that night, maybe if Yoongi hadn’t pushed further, maybe if he hadn’t stormed away, letting Hoseok talk and cool things between them, would they still be together? Would they still be in their apartment eating blueberry jam breads that Hoseok loved all too much? Would their legs be tangled together as they watched Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow trying to make them understand his part of the word in charades?

Would they be happier?

But the answer as it presented to him in the past six months was that, he would never know.

He would never know if the alternative was better, or if that even led to the glorious times that his mind imagined. He would never know if their fight would be over something else, resulting in far worse situations. He would never know if their relationship would work for longer, cracks appearing all the same.

The fight was inevitable. 

Their boiling points had already crossed past, things had boiled over, work-life balance out of the window. Their subtle disagreements had turned to searing jabs, love replaced by an unknown stranger’s feeling of detachment. The fight would have happened that day or another, it was inevitable.

Maybe the consequences of it, a civil talk instead of a break would have done wonders.

But they were hotheads, stubborn, angry and passionate, which led to their most feasible solution of breaking the delicate balance set between the three.

“The maybe’s won’t lead you anywhere. Been there, done that.”
Yoongi stated, longing eyes strayed afar to the cloudless sky above.

The silence stretched further, a lot farther too. It stretched until there was nothing left of it.

Yoongi looked back at Namjoon who had crouched against the wall, head buried in between his knees. An action easily recognisable to whenever the other got too overstimulated by everything, mostly the thoughts in his head that were loud enough to raze through the fields and across the sunsets.

And Yoongi knew that the best thing to do was to just not disturb the other until the wave passed through with no hindrances. Just let it wash over as such, alike the ones across the big blue.

“Hyung…”

There was the break in Namjoon’s voice. 

Enough for Yoongi to turn and put his entire focus on the younger.

“Help me fix this. One last time please. Help me please.”

The rawness in his voice rubbed harsher onto Yoongi’s already open wounds. The ones that were slowly forming over to create a scar after months of disturbing the healing process with thoughts of a past that was lost. 

Namjoon looked up earnestly with puffed, red eyes. A look that had Yoongi thinking of death rather than having to face those tired eyes.

“I’m tired of fighting my own heart, hyung. I’m so fucking tired of having to choose and wonder why I made the choice in the first place. I can’t do this. I shouldn’t—”

And the tears came through, falling one by one. Yoongi couldn’t help his heart that ached at the sight of it, hands moving on their accord as they held Namjoon’s stubbled cheeks with more love than societally expected of them. Not when they were on the edge of having lost it all to each other and to the other soul 100 feet inside the hospital.

Not when they had officially broken up.

“I am sorry, hyung. I feel like dying. It’s ripping me from within.”

Yoongi didn’t know what words would help act as a balm to the gaping hurt from within. He didn’t know if any of the words he could muster at the moment could even aid in any way, or if they would be enough in the slightest. He wondered if his voice would even work in such a moment, still raw and breakable.

But his worries were off the table when he heard his phone go off, in a familiar melody of their previous apartment’s noisy washing machine.

It wasn’t really the best sound out there but Yoongi had pavloved himself to respond to it better and perhaps as resort to carrying that last piece along with him.

“Hey, Yoongi-yah, you there?”
Daehyun’s voice came through the speaker.

“Yeah, is something wrong?”

“No, no. Just come over once you’re okay, hm? Hobi wants to talk, I think.”

“Thank you noona.”
Yoongi muttered, exhaustion visible on his face and relief in his voice.

“Don’t. Just be careful of your hearts. They’re not as tough as you think. Make it right, hm?”

Oh, how Yoongi wished that they were tough! How he wished that they didn’t break at the very prospect of love! How he wished they weren’t traitors to everything going on, still falling back in love like he hadn’t moved on!

“I will try to.”

“Good. I’ll come back tomorrow morning, think that’s enough time to make it work?”

“Not sure, but yeah thanks again. Take care and sleep well, I’ll take care of your brother till then.”

“You better.”
Daehyun joked, a little laugh to lighten the mood.

“I know you will. Of both of them. Don’t forget you need to take care of yourself too.”

“Good night, Yoongi.”

“Night.”

By the time Yoongi had finished the conversation, Namjoon was standing taller behind him, a little frown on his face as he had heard bits of the talk. Worried expression on his face as he waited for the older to relay the message heard.

“Ready to talk with Hoseokie?”
Yoongi asked, smiling instead.

“Can I ever be ready?”

“Well, we’ve gotta try. We owe ourselves that more we owe it to him.”

Yoongi had been all the rage with those words, enticing at best and supportive at worst. But, he wasn’t as beautifully put together from within.

He wasn't the man he claimed to be just a few minutes ago.

There was an unknown fear within him, the fear of rejection at best. He didn't know what Hoseok wanted to talk about or how they should go about, especially since he was the oldest of them, there was a responsibility to not let more misunderstandings and unsaid words further pull apart the chasm in between. He needed to make it right, he needed to be better than the immature idiot he was for running without a word.

He wasn’t any of what he had claimed, but he had promised Daehyun that he would take care of them as a whole.

And that would mean, he needed to take the first step forward. First step to work this out. First step to—

“Stop stalling outside the door.”
Hoseok’s muffled yell came just as Yoongi held the knob of the door.

With a rush in their actions, the two of them barged in, quite uncharacteristically with wide eyes following through Hoseok’s instructions.

“How did you—”
Yoongi asked, coming to stand still as he saw Hoseok sitting upright on the bed with a hand curled on a mug of hot water.

“Ah, sorry. We didn't want to wake you up if you were asleep.”
Namjoon whispered as he made his way to the chair set aside.

“Sure, let's take that.”
Hoseok muttered with a little edge to his voice.

“Are you okay?”
Yoongi asked, sitting on the other side.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Always been.”

“Do you need—”

“Stop with the pleasantries. Just stop with all that. It's getting old. Get to the point fast.”
Hoseok said, displeasure making itself known in his voice.

“I'm not just saying it because it's polite. I mean it. We…we mean it. We're worried about your health.”
Namjoon voiced out, earnest and remorseful.

“Well, don't be. I didn't ask.”

“Hoseok.”
Yoongi uttered and suddenly everything was quiet, coming to a standstill immediately.

“What?”
Hoseok asked, annoyed at them.

“Stop that. We're trying to talk to you. Just stop being—”

“Go on.”
Hoseok challenged, knowing by the way Yoongi bit his tongue, it was something that would only further anger him.

And today, Hoseok was ready to test his own limits.

Blow it up and let it all consume him as the hotpot of emotions stirring within him had been long-awaiting for an opportunity to let loose. He was going to let his mind speak every thought that had been lurking and eating away his insides as he stared at the mirrors. He was going to be free, no more thinking of why and how,

“I said, go on.”

“Hyung…”
Namjoon said weakly, as he looked at Yoongi instead of Hoseok who had uttered so with fierce eyes.

Ready for a challenge, ready to tear down, ready to be broken apart.

“Aw, look at that. You both can speak to each other. Didn't know that at all.”
Hoseok mockingly said, a smile on his face.

“Hoba.”

“I'm just putting down my observations. You look awfully close for people whose fight cost our relationship.”
A chuckle, maniac and wild by any standard.

Especially Hoseok’s.

“Jung Hoseok.”

“Ah, now you can see me. When I'm on the fucking hospital bed, right?”

“Time out. Just time out.”
Namjoon shouted, hands up in defense and eyes wide.

Their breathing were in sync as three. 

Hoseok's breaths were harsher as if he had run a half marathon. His fists were tightly wound like balls of fury as he tried to regulate his heaving chest. His head hurt slightly, but there was so much more going on in the silence of the room.

It was never his intention to go about it as such. But his mouth ran faster than he could think, days of frustrations built upon their breakup tipping in restrained ways, enough for them to notice, enough for them to question him. He tried to make it smooth, but the bubbling heat of everything within him wasn’t in his favour.

Hoseok’s words were faster, sharper and slightly more cruel as it worked along, putting up a fight when he could see the exhausted lines on their faces. But he couldn’t care at the moment for everything before had been their own doing. He wasn’t the spitball that had been painted of his actions today, he was gentle and soft, more than the other two.

But the volcano within him had reached its limits after the countless seconds spent in favour of a change, a repentance, an apology— anything at all. 

“I'm not apologizing for anything I said and will say today. I think I deserve that much.”
Hoseok announced after the prolonged stretch of awkward silence.

His eyes didn’t meet theirs as he saw them nod from the periphery of his vision. Yoongi’s hands slowly crept on top of the blanket covering Hoseok’s lower half. Just a reminder that he was present, just as Min Yoongi, the listener and not the ex-boyfriend™. 

A reminder that Yoongi would always be there as a friend who has known Hoseok since college, one that was above his own feelings in this matter. 

Yoongi would always put them before anything of his own—the very reason why he agreed to Namjoon’s idea of breakup, despite everything within him. Sure, he had fled the scene, choosing to hide away from his lovers after the fight. Sure, he had been a coward for never communicating and choosing to ignore it until the last moment. 

But, he had never expected a break up to tie the scene. 

He knew how it came off as he had indeed let down Hoseok during their last conversation, stating his transfer to Daegu. But, during that dreadful time, his mind was fully convinced that he wasn’t fit for a relationship, that Hoseok deserved better, that the other two would fare well without him.

How utterly wrong he was!

(And he realised his own feelings that never moved past them, never tried to heal as well, never wished for anything more than them. It was late when he knew that sometimes, he had to put his insecure and selfless mind away, when it came to his own happiness as the despair filled every part of him. 

He realised it again as he heard to Namjoon confess about how miserable he had been through it all.

He would realise it over and over as their conversation unfolded.)

“So, why are you here?”
Hoseok asked, now his eyes following Namjoon’s red ones.

“I didn't leave.”

“You said that already.”

“I couldn't. I was physically incapable of doing so. I rejected the offer which sort of costed me my job, well, two strikes down for now.”

“Why? What happened?”

Hoseok's voice came out in the same tender tone that Yoongi had heard when he had come back home with a scratch across his face from handling a stray kitten.

His voice was soft, so unlike a minute ago, where everything was angry and heated like they were in a courtroom rather than a hospital. It was tender and gentle like he was talking to a wounded animal, perhaps a lost deer that had strayed into a bear trap that clinched against its fragile hindlegs. 

The surprised tone, curiously worried about the youngest and his decision wasn't lost at all. To be honest, it was highlighted even further, if that was even possible.

Hoseok was soft in his words and Namjoon couldn't handle it.

“I wasn't in the right mental state. I wasn't prepared, I couldn't pack my bags or do anything because I kept reminiscing and regretting everything between us. I know all of this sounds like something out of a cliche movie but there was an unexplainable heaviness which just didn't let me move on. I was paralysed inside my body, like there was a default in my mind that took over to do the basic things for me to survive.”

“I cried, staring at that one framed photograph of us from the fair last summer for 2 whole hours until there were no tears to give. In all of this, how could you even expect me to go to Canada, when I couldn't stand on my own two feet? How could I leave everything so easily, especially when the love that I had to endure had shattered away?”

“I guess that explains all of you here.”
Hoseok murmured gently as he gave once over to Namjoon’s overall self.

“Hm, this is better than most days. I looked like I could easily be that homeless man in front of the hospital.”
Namjoon chuckled, getting a sharp response from Yoongi’s clenched face.

“Hey!”

“You can't deny it, hyung. I didn't think I could do anything for the rest of my life after the day I moved out. I mean, how can you expect me to function normally when my lifelines are lost to the ocean, all by my selfishness and stupidity.”

“Poetic as ever, hm?”
Hoseok’s gentle laughs came about.

And with that, there was quiet again.

It would seem that lately most of their conversations were either roaring loud fights or deafening silences in between where the world stilled and their minds ran in speeds unseen. The situation being at its absolute worst, bleakest of times was evidently noticeable to all.

It bordered the uncomfortable stretch of it, which made Hoseok question how had things gone so awfully bad that they couldn’t eve old a conversation normally? How had their relationship rotted away without leaving space for the pre-existing friendship, the very foundation of them?

“I don't know how to go about this. I know we need to talk but…”
Namjoon uttered, wringing his slightly trembling hands again.

“...you can't handle any more tonight.”
Hoseok continued, catching the drift of where it was headed towards.

“In short, yeah.”

“Let's talk about this another day.”
Yoongi suggested softly, having only spoken after so long.

“I can’t push this conversation. I have tried to find closure to this, at least i thought I was getting somewhere. But, then both of you come in and question the progress I’ve made for the past months.”
Hoseok said in response.

“I need to have this talk before I question everything. I’m afraid it might end up like last time where the decisions made are never with me in mind and the result of it is just provided with no explanation. I can’t go through that again and that means you guys cannot push it further.”

“I need closure. I need something to cling on to. I can’t let it remain hanging with no definitive answer and I know it isn’t the most practical thing but I need this last thing from the both of you. Just a finale to it, because we can’t act like Namjjoon not leaving and you guys coming here in seconds meant nothing.”
He continued on, slowly lifting his head enough to check for their responses.

The conclusion of it was well-received, if the mix of remorse, guilt, rejection, sadness and relief on their faces were any indicators.

“I promise you, Hoseok-ah. We will talk about it, I will make sure of it. For now, you need rest. Hm?”
Yoongi muttered, holding Hoseok’s hands tightly in his own.

Namjoon joined in, his hand covering theirs, awkward as ever but welcomed all the same. And that felt more like their friendship recovering rather than the fizzled out relationship which had no prospects for more, if it was Hoseok’s personal opinion—not considering his own heartstrings that tugged wildly.

The varying sizes of their balled fists was a sight to behold, a representation of their promise, a reminder for more, a symbolic start despite their past as three.

Yoongi was all set on keeping the promise. 

He had kept reminding himself of it, as he fell asleep on the uncomfortable chair after staring at Hoseok’s snoring form for quite some time, sure that the other was getting the prescribed rest. He had kept reminding himself of it, as he woke up to the sounds of the door opening followed by Namjoon’s footsteps.

“Here’s your prescribed juice. And this is for you, hyung.”
Namjoon muttered as he gave the respective cups to them, a orange juice and an iced americano.

Yoongi kept track of his promise, as he watched the doctor check for all the vitals and bandaging with Hoseok sitting still as she read the machines he was attached to. He kept track of it, as he nodded in greeting to Daehyun who had arrived before work. He kept track of it as he listened to the doctor give the instructions for care.

“Hoseok-ssi can be discharged now. Just fill the forms as such. Highly advice you to take it easy with everything, I’ve already signed for a week off since the fall had occurred by your fainting, a great indicator of stress and bad lifestyle choices mostly eating and sleeping.”

“Can he eat everything?”
Namjoon asked, voice starkly different from yesterday.

Today he seemed confident, like the man that Yoongi had seen five years ago, when he had realised that his Namjoonie was the respected man in his company, one that commanded and lived with dignity unlike the adorably annoying antics back in their home. His voice wasn’t the feeble, vulnerable thing of yesterday, pleading for anything to stop the ache.

“Yeah, I don’t see why not.”

“Also, change the bandaging every two days until the next appointment where we’ll remove the threads if seen appropriate on healing standards.”
The doctor said, quickly writing it on a notepad before tearing it off and giving it to Yoongi.

Yoongi, who seemed the most appropriately responsible one for Hoseok’s health. Yoongi, whose mind spun with the realisation . Yoongi, who clutched the note like it was an important letter to be sent to the officials at war.

“Okay, thank you doctor.”

Yoongi hadn’t forgotten about it as he helped Hoseok into the cab which was routed back to what was previously their home. Daehyun had apparently trusted him more than what he had expected, especially after everything between the three of them. Yoongi hadn’t forgotten about it as he cleared the couch with Namjoon fluffing the pillows for Hoseok to rest on.

But Yoongi wasn’t sure of how to go about fulfilling the very promise he had made. 

Sure, yesterday the discussion of it had been brought about by a disagreement of sorts. Now though, everything seemed so perfect, each sitting in their silence mostly. 

Well, Hoseok was. 

Namjoon had stared at the blank screen of his phone. And Yoongi was looking at both of them, hoping for an opportunity to open up, appropriate enough for a discussion. One that involved them as ex-lovers, as present caretakers, as people who had everything on hold in their own lives for this. 

Belatedly, Yoongi thought back to how his work would be stalled for a little while and that would mean calls had to be made soon if he still wanted to keep the job.

Maybe even longer, because he needed to keep that promise. 

Hoseok wished there was a better way to go about all this, he had wished so when he saw the cracks in their relationship for the first time. He had wished again when he saw them fight on their anniversary, on his anniversary. He had wished it yet again when they had come to his office with pitiful faces and a whisper of something important.

He had wished it when they had announced that this wasn’t working out.

But he wanted to be patient, give their love another chance, he trusted them to not be dumb headed and choiceless at the end of it. Each time, it was the same thought, wanting to try over and over for their love had to mean something, right?

All of that had to be something, lead to happiness and comfort for trails and tribulations were just part of that bigger journey.

He wished it was different, that they didn’t have to go through that route of hopelessness and despair. Because Hoseok wanted the three of them to be happy. 

(But, if they wanted it at the cost of their relationship then he hardly agreed. But the choice was never his and the verdict had rolled in without objection, so one could only imagine how Hoseok had felt that day.)

He hoped that the patience of working through the years would pay off, but he couldn't be more wrong than right now.

“Are we playing the statue game where we are instead looking at each other when they aren’t looking instead of moving our bodies?”
Hoseok asked, eyes closed as he laid flat on the sofa with his head gently placed on the propped up pillows.

“Huh?”
Yoongi responded, absolutely confused by the expression of it.

“Are we going to pretend that everything is normal again?”
Hoseok asked, amused as he opened his eye to stare dead into Yoongi’s brown eyes.

“No…no, we aren’t.”
Namjoon cleared his throat.

But this Namjoon had reverted back to his yesterday’s self where the black eye bags were more prominent and the sickly sadness within him corroded away. He looked smaller despite his looming tall figure and Yoongi’s body ached to hold him close, whispering sweet nothings until all the worries of the past crumbled.

“I’ll start then, since I was the reason you guys came.”
Hoseok begun, determined in making his point.

“I will change the emergency contacts as soon as I’m well. I am sorry for— no, lemme finish first. I’m sorry for disrupting your new routines. That was never my intent but I guess, years of having you as my backup for everything had made me more dependent. I will grow out of it soon, no worries.”

“If we are talking about our relationship, then I’m trying to move past. Slowly but steadily making progress except when there’s a few setbacks. You guys know how it is, don’t you? Ups and downs as we go, some days are harder than others. But that was just a chapter of my life and now, it is closed.”

That had an instant reaction within the other two as they each took a sharp inhale, sharper than the razor knife sitting in the washroom.

Hoseok looked at them, taking a moment to observe and then react.

Namjoon’s shoulders were uncomfortably stiff as he refused to make eye contact whatsoever. Meanwhile, Yoongi’s hands were clenched hard, just like his jaw as the words sat in for a longer time.

Hoseok knew the chapter comment had ticked them off, but he wasn’t theirs anymore and they had no say in him calling it what it was. He couldn’t spend the rest of his life, yearning for something he clearly couldn't have. That wasn’t how life worked and he needed to move on, no matter how disgustingly difficult it was to swallow that pill.

It was a chapter of his life, finally coming to a close depending on how this conversation would unfold.

(Hoseok wouldn’t ever dream of telling them about the sleepless nights where the pills were his best friends or when he saw cute pencils and was instantly brought to tears as he remembered Namjoon’s collection or how every time someone used the coffee machine in the office, he could only think of Yoongi’s excitement when he had first purchased the machine back home.

The very same one he had left when he moved out after Hoseok’s wishes.

Hoseok would never mention all the missed chances of calling them, all the days spent thinking about them, all the fleeting times when he wondered if anything was worth it anymore.

He wouldn’t talk to them about how every corner in their apartment haunted him with memories of them, playful and soft in their element. Or how his thoughts were muddled with their auditory and visual hallucinations, distinct and alive.

He would never speak of it,)

”Ah, this sounds like a corporate meeting where we talk of our goals and upcoming events, but I guess that’s how we are now, huh?”
Hoseok said, laughing slightly.

The unmistakable impersonal tone in his words before wasn’t lost to any of them, a tone quite like the slaves of a running cog in the machine.

“Does one of the setback include you fainting because you were stressed?”
Namjoon asked, suddenly pensive and quiet.

“That was just work-related. Work’s tough these days.”

“I would think so, except it was fucking 9 at night and your work ends at 5.”

“You are saying you’ve never pulled after hours or overtime? Rich coming from you, of all people.”
Hoseok muttered, eyes ablaze at the indignation.

“I—”

“Hoseok-ah, we know about your insomnia acting up for the past six months. We also know about how you’ve been missing meals of late. And how those aren’t entirely related to work stress.”
Yoongi said, calm as if he wasn’t shattering Hoseok’s perception of the situation by those words.

Words that had come from a collection of sources, prominently the doctor and his sister. 

“How do you know that? Even if the first two are true, how do you come to that conclusion, huh?”

“I suppose that has to do with Daehyun’s insider information. And well, years of knowing you as a person. Habits don't die that easily, I've seen you go through this cycle before. It never got as bad, but there were times you were very close, hair's breadth away from something bad.”
Yoongi expressed as gently as he possibly could. 

“Work stress doesn't make you faint and split your head open. You have never let it get that far, it was one of your hard limits on joining. You have never liked staying up late to work, quite literally quit your first job because the manager was a mean sucker for time spent rather than productivity of the said time.”
Namjoon added, deliberate enough for Hoseok’s demeanour to change/

“I just had 8 stitches.”

“Eight too many. When the normal amount is zero at all times.”
Namjoon reiterated, jaw ticking with time.

“I’m sorry, but you acting like none of how our relationship fell through affected you the way it did to us isn’t it. You are totally not masking it by being weirdly detached in your tone.”
Yoongi said, a small smile on his face.

“You're right, I suppose. I hadn't had much to eat yesterday, perhaps that was the push to dizzy spells which unfortunately led to this.”

“I wish not to talk of the other things. I know that you already know what lies there.”
Hoseok said, picking on the thread of his sleeve.

Hoseok’s secret of the past six months had been out. He hated working late and yet threw himself into that dark corner to escape his thoughts. One to the extent of not having time for his usual activities, like eating and sleeping right. There were clues in the words muttered by his sister, most prominently by the doctor who had outright told them about how she wasn’t quite happy with his levels on the report.

Yoongi and Namjoon had just stayed silent as they took in the information slowly, beating themselves up for the regressing patterns in Hoseok’s health. Their eyes never lifting up to see each other as the realisation washed over like cold water splashed across their faces. Hoseok’s reason for being here was indirectly linked back to them.

They had to be better than the ones who had left Hoseok with a decison taken by two rather than three. They had to do better, for the future, lovers or not. 

And now, they were going to honour Hoseok’s wishes on not wanting to dig that up. 

(Well, that was opposed to what Yoongi was feeling regarding all this. 

Perhaps, it was his own raging heart, boiling blood that ached for more than a dismissal.

He wanted to hear and see Hoseok admit to it, loud and clear. Admit that things had been bad because he still loved them and couldn’t move on, just like Yoongi and Namjoon. Admit that everything was overturned and wrong now that they weren’t together. Admit that he was still angry at them leaving him.

Yoongi wanted more and that was selfish, now that they were no one to each other. But, he had seen the stretched out threads holding Hoseok together, ones that had maxed out on their tensile strength of his patience. He wanted him to spit those words out, fighting a little more and that was utterly greedily thoughtless of Yoongi.

He wanted those vocalised words, harsh noises escaping that signified all the pent-up emotions within Hoseok.

Ones that broke the elegant, pulled-together, neat and unaffected image of Jung Hoseok, that the world was graced to witness.)

“I already talked about my share last night.”
Namjoon said, silently recounting the memories of yesterday.

Confessions of why he hadn’t left, ones that were a little too close to confessing the buried feelings that worked on par with his own beating heart and the guilt that burned his skin akin to that of vampires in the sun.

“I guess it’s my turn, huh?”
Yoongi remarked, slow and sluggish.

“Well, I cried on my mother’s lap in my childhood room which made her pity me to the extent of sitting alongside and watching sappy movies, her least favourite genre just for me. That must count, right?”

It was a rhetorical question, one that explained enough and one that didn’t require an answer in the slightest. The essence of it being grasped almost immediately if the sheen in Namjoon’s eyes and stuttered breath from Hoseok were any responses to go by. But Yoongi wasn’t done yet.

“I know that all of this feels like we are too dependent on each other, symbiotic by nature. I experienced that first hand, whenever I went to grab my tie, having forgotten to iron it because that was something hobi did for me, without asking. Or how I flinched when the thunders rolled in last month and was reminded of how joon always made sure to plug in my earphones so I couldn’t hear the loud noises. And then I was grateful for all those times when both of you were there, beyond these little tasks or errands, beyond comfort and care, beyond love in ways that healed and fulfilled my soul, making me the happiest person alive at that moment.”

“Everything boiled down to the relationship I had for the past 9 years, 4 to us being lovers and 30 days to decide, 3 hours to completely break it off. It just wasn’t fair to any of us and it was all bought by foolishness, stress and perhaps just more.”
Yoongi continued, taking the silence as is to pour it out.

None of the words were in synchrony, none in the melody or order that he had hoped for, none in the ways he had imagined it to be. 

Well, would it really be as bad to imagine the day you could possibly cross paths with your ex-lover on a random day, perhaps the subway or the grocery store?

Yoongi was a romantic, who believed in second chances, forgiveness and above all else, the heart to exist as better people. And maybe more on the illusioned love that he had read in books when he was 13, ones that had people meeting their soulmates even after losing them for reasons unknown—quite foolish, if you asked that younger him but now, he understood that to an extent.

He really did hope that cinematic shot in movies would occur in his life: time stilling, eyes slowly making contact, blurring people, melodic notes filling the air. Everything had screamed not real, but he believed in it like a child hoping that the tooth fairy was real and the Santa Claus in the living room wasn’t his dad in a costume.

“There’s nothing more to say I suppose. The conclusion of it being I was miserable and it was because I didn’t have you two beside me.”

“So now what?”
Namjoon asked, eyes flitting across the room. 

“We had our exploratory talks, coming as clean as we could, but we as three are unrepairable at best.”
Hoseok uttered, tight lines visible on his forehead.

“At worst.”

“Huh?”

“We are unrepairable at worst because I think we’ve got another chance to prove ourselves, make it work.”
Yoongi reiterated, louder this time.

“And you think I will agree? Hyung, have you forgotten everything that had occurred the day you both left? Well, if you don’t I can refresh your memory and even add on what happened the next day. I was shit faced drunk and that meant I had to pop at least 3 painkillers which had my stomach acting up.”

“I know that doesn’t correlate, but do you know how hurt I need to have downed that whole bottle?”
Hoseok asked, curiously peeking up but his eyes were anything but that.

“I didn’t drink that much when I failed in my exams on the same day i got rejected for that fresher job I had applied after completeing 4 fucking rounds. Not even when my school debts had collected after the whole fiasco with my workplace. I was heartbroken, both of you betrayed me especially when you preached so much about communication.”

“Communication. Both of you are shit at it.”
Hoseok chuckled loudly this time around.

“I’m sorry, I—”
Namjoon started only for Hoseok to cut him abruptly.

“No. None of your sorries will make me forget it. I can’t do that, okay? Do you know how many days I tried to forget that you weren’t with me anymore? Do you know of the days I wished I never knew both of you?”

“Shit, you talked so much about being there, being a responsible partner, about every other topic on the planet and you couldn’t be all that and talk to me? Just one word and you leave, when I tried reaching out. I messaged both of you, waited up late, tried everything. I was ready to go to therapy with the both of you, work it out, even take a break and help figure out, y’know?”

“I haven’t touched a bottle since then. I just can’t because everytime I even think of it, it reminds me of your stupid faces. Your stupid stupid faces.”

Hoseok slowed down, head in his hands.

His waterlines were brimmed with tears, each making a descent with gravity acting in its aid. Down they fell, one by one until the spring was off and the waterworks didn’t stop. 

Yoongi looked on, the urge to care getting stronger, filling his body to the very tips of his fingers until he couldn’t stop his body that rushed to hold Hoseok. His knees scrapped on the wooden floors as he skidded down with open arms holding out as Hoseok’s entire body flopped forward into the embrace, curled closer until he was nothing more than a crumbling soul.

The sobs were loud, like everything else had been till then.

Loud and reverberating through the quiet hallways of the house as not a single words was uttered, letting it burn and crash within Hoseok. The flame within was scarily big as the tears fell bigger. 

“I don't know anymore. I c-can’t anymore, hyung. We arent—”
Hoseok's voice hiccupped wildly as he went on.

Yoongi just held him close, tears soaking through his shirt but uncaring of it all as his hand gently worked through the mess of hair on Hoseok’s head. The neatly wound white bandage on the side adding a contrast to this scene of woe. The quiet was only broken by the heartbreaking sobs that continued with each second and Yoongi wished he had the words needed for comfort. 

But his tongue was made of lead, too heavy to function, to help or even be for the man he had loved for the past 4 years. He hoped he conveyed it enough by being the strong rock of support, hands that spoke louder than any of his words could ever. 

Except Namjoon was present and clearly more coherent than Yoongi.

“Hoba, please. You need to know I didn’t mean for it to unfold as such. I’ve regretted that night ever since, only realising after it was said and done. I know I was the one who suggested it, all bending to my new life plan. But, then it wasn’t written in my destiny. Oh it does serve me right, huh?”

“I should have told you about everything at work, at the stress that was eating away from within, of how my hunger for more knowledge, respect, that power high had me pushing myself further than what my body could handle, what my humanity could handle. And that night just catapulted into something horrible. I was so mean and stupid and I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Joon-ah…”
Yoongi said, torn between the man in his arms and the man in his eyes, breaking apart so openly.

“No, I need to say this. I am so sorry hyung, I pushed you too far. I shouldn’t have said those stuff, I shouldn't have come with that decision to your motel that night. I shouldn’t have stormed away leaving Hoseokie with no answers. I shouldn’t have done any of that. I was stupidly obsessed over work and opportunities at the cost of you, of us.”

“I wish I could turn back time and then maybe I would be a better man, I wouldn’t say those things, I wouldn’t be so idiotic, I wouldn’t hurt any of you. I mean, you got eight stitches because of me, even if you don’t admit—”

“Joonie, no. It wasn’t. No. No. This wasn’t part of that, no. This was all my doing. No. I fell because I had eaten less and just hadn’t been in the best of my health.”
Hoseok spoke, voice husky and raw after the crying.

“Doesn’t erase the fact that both of you went through it all because I suggested that and you went along with it.”

“No, I did because I wanted that too at that point of time. I am an adult and I made my decision, regardless of your influence. I am just as responsible for this, despite how my own heart protested against it.”
Yoongi muttered, hand reaching out to Namjoon’s balled fists.

“All of this for what? For a job I lost? For sadness that ate me away? It was useless and I just let it all get the better of me like I was no better of a person than when I was a teenager. Hell, I was more mature about my feelings back then.”
Namjoon laughed, hollow and empty.

“Well, I should be sorry too for not realising how bad it had gotten. Working late as we only caught glimpses of you like you were a ghost in the hallways. But instead, I was stuck up in my head, feeling hurt over your absence. I was hurt by the words spewed, so violent in my reactions to them. I should have been a better boyfriend too, Namjoon.”
Yoongi said, quiet as he squeezed the other’s hand.

There was no response to it. Just silence like how it had been for the past two days.

Yoongi hadn’t expected one either. Nothing to say with everyone having spoken it out, loud and clear. 

Loud— one of the biggest things that had been part of Yoongi’s life these days. An adjective to describe everything around him. The heart beating in him, the crickets outside, the big billboards on the roads, the television anchors, Hoseok’s eyes, Namjoon’s presence.

Silence. 

Even loud in ways that were supposedly noiseless.

Yoongi had an inkling that this was the end of it, nothing more to aid it just like Hoseok had started off. There really couldn't be more of this when Hoseok felt wronged by them. When Namjoon was just juggling too many things and that has always led to bad results. When he himself had insecurity curling up his toes with each day making it impossible for things to go back as they were before.

Yoongi hadn't felt them moving away from him as much, but Hoseok's words were as much his own. Maybe seeing the cracks in their relationship way before they had caused quite a few rips in Hoseok's perception of it all. Yoongi could only imagine how he would be if he has realised this before any of them— it would have been certified hell for his brain. Hoseok had handled with so much grace, tried despite it not being his sole responsibility.

Yes, they had cleared it all up. They had spoken how and why and what, but what then? 

The hurt caused was buried deeper, each day aiding to his deterioration. And this metaphorical hurt had bled its share of blood painfully, finally scabbing over after long. They weren't perfect in their healing. Hell, they had become their worst selves as seen for their reason of reunion. But they were starting and that healing process looked more promising, had results that were moving up their imaginary life chart. 

So would they really risk irritating that wound till rivulets of blood flowed again?

Yoongi had an inkling that all of this was going away, breaking apart and falling like the sand grains from the spaces in between his fingers. Just fall and fall until there was nothing left to grasp and hold to his dear heart. 

There was nothing more. 

It was ending again, just this time they were confessing their reasons, putting themselves on a stand for the others to see how it had all progressed. No more of what remained was enough to fixed by the love they still shared, It just wouldn’t work and this was not intended for that purpose either.

Nothing but a cooling balm on the already reddened skin of the wound.

“Namjoon-ah, you can’t turn back time. You can’t undo the mistakes made. But, you sure can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Hoseok said after some time, a lot of thought put in the words selected.

“Does that mean—”

“If that is what both of you want to try.”

“No, not this time. It’s not just about the two of us. We are three, and your opinion matters equally, if not more. No more of the stupid decisions from before.”
Namjoon quickly said, head shaking in quick successions.

“If you two are going to do it right this time. Right doesn’t mean happy and perfect. It means controlled imperfections where at the end of it, no one is hurt and we live more than exist. It means choosing your priorities, being careful with words, being uninhibited with your love. If you can do that, we can give this a second chance. 

After all, who am I to get in my own heart’s way?”

Hoseok’s smile was small, but genuine. Just enough to ignite one similar on Namjoon’s face.

“You really mean it, right? Both of you want to be mine, right?”
Namjoon asked, hopeful in his voice.

“Hoping for it.”

“Hyung, speak please.”

Yoongi was startled out of his daze at the voice and eyes directed towards him. He glanced at both of them, still recovering from the state of being deep in thought. He hasn't expected that, especially from Hoseok considering how they had wronged him. But here he was, being the ever-forgiving, strong believer of changes for the better.

“Yeah. Yeah. I want to us be together again. I will be better, i want i—”

“No, don’t cry please.”
Hoseok’s hands were on Yoongi’s dumpling cheeks instantly.

“Happy tears. Yeah. Happy.”

And with that, Namjoon’s arms were around him, wound tight as he buried his face in the crook of Yoongi’s neck while Hoseok leaned enough to hug them both, his lean arms reaching far to pull the two of them on the couch. Yoongi laughed wetly, feeling the wetness spread in his nape.

“We are such cry babies.”
Hoseok muttered, wiping Namjoon’s cheeks just the same way as before while the youngest put his chin on Yoongi’s good shoulder.

“Can you blame me? Who else loses their soulmates by their undirected anger and foolishness, then even have a chance at gaining them both back?”
Namjoon asked playfully.

Yoongi could feel his heart soothe at the change in the atmosphere around them, so distinctly carefree from before where everything felt too suffocated and tight like they were in a court room. He couldn’t help the smile that spread wide across his face, a reaction to having his two best friends and lovers holding him from either side in his own personalised sandwich re-enactment.

“I love you both to the depths of this world. I have never missed someone as much I did for both of you during the past six months.”
Yoongi whispered softly.

“I love you in ways I never have, in ways that surprised me, in ways that questioned my own definitions of what I consider you both. And though none of what happened earlier can be magically forgotten, I hope we never have to go through that again. It was the single most painful thing I’ve experienced. -1000/10, do not recommend.”
Hoseok said, making Namjoon bark out a laugh aand Yoongi laugh with his shoulders shaking along.

“If I promise to take all those measures on working through my overenthusiastically overworked brain, work on handling stress and everything in between, would you both consider being my boyfriends again?”

“I’m looking forward to that, love.”
Hoseok muttered, pressing a chaste kiss on Namjoon’s chapped lips.

And dare Yoongi say this because he doesn’t know how, he was sure that Namjoon looked more alive than yesterday. Hell, he looked better than that morning, just a few hours back. Sparks of healthy color had returned to his cheeks just as his saggy, dark circles didn’t seem as bad as before.

“We’ll do it together.”
Yoongi murmured, just as Namjoon reached to press their foreheads against each other, equally intimate and warm. Hoseok right in their arms as he leaned against Namjoon’s shoulders.

Things didn’t magically change up that day. 

No, it took longer than that. Too many things had to be changed and accommodated accordingly. They were slow to change, one that was expected by all of them.

Yoongi gave up his company assigned place to move back to Hoseok’s place— well, it was still under his name. Namjoon did too, signing the lease annulment to his new place which looked bare so unlike how he had decorated his room before. 

Hoseok’s stitches took two weeks to heal fully and with Namjoon having planned to quit soon (nevermind that, for the company had rolled out the firing process already) he stayed alongside the other for the entirety of it. Yoongi did return to work, coming home at a reasonable time to enjoy the life he had gotten accustomed to.

Things weren’t perfect.

No, not at all.

Hoseok’s insomnia still acted up and some days they would find him just staring at the sky at night having crept out of the bed when they fell asleep. Namjoon’s habits needed readjusting especially with how he cared for himself. Yoongi would get that wave of sadness strike him down randomly, even when things were good now.

But, none of it was above the fact that they were together now. 

Together as three, together under the same roof, together as they relearnt ways to love each other.

“How’s the search going on?”
Yoongi asked, as he came into their bedroom with a cup of coffee in one hand and a bottle of water balanced with his phone in the other.

“Meh, not the best. But I guess, I’ll wait for now.”
Namjoon said, shutting his laptop and climbing to the bed.

“Hoba will be back soon. Wanna put on a movie, hm?”
Yoongi questioned, as he opened his phone to scroll while sipping on the said coffee.

“I don’t know. Make the decision, mind’s fuzzy after staring at that stupid job website for hours.”
Namjoon frowned, nuzzling closer to Yoongi as he pulled on the sheets with his feet.

“Oh baby, you should have taken it easy.”

“I hate sitting still like this. I feel useless and you know it.”

“I know your overachieving ass. Just enjoy it for now. Let us spoil you a little and maybe you’ll get a better one if you wait for now.”

“Yeah Joon-ah, patience is a virtue.”
Hoseok joined in, making Namjoon pout softly.

They hadn’t quite noticed the other coming in after being deep in conversation. Hoseok chuckled at their wide smiles which looked more like two puppies that were ecstatic on their owner’s return from a busy day at work. 

“How’s work, sunshine?”
Yoongi asked, moving easily to remove Hoseok’s tie with expertise and gently pecking those beautiful lips of his lover.

“Ah, the same. I suppose.”

Hoseok had eased up heavily on work and thankfully, his manager was a good woman who understood it. She was the one who had bought him to the hospital that day, enquiring on his health and working around the leave situation. 

His meals were taken care of by Yoongi, back to their routine until Hoseok could make the dinners again, not that Yoongi complained ever. He loved feeding his boyfriends, it warmed his heart to an extent unseen. There was something so loving and domestic of the whole affair when it came to food.

“Wanna just cuddle and listen to songs? I don’t think I have the mental capacity to watch a movie tonight.”
Hoseok asked, as he changed into his home clothes.

“Yeah, we can do that after eating dinner.”
Namjoon suggested as he got up to plate equal portions of the carbonara prepared.

“Still working on the plan?”
Hoseok asked quietly, now that Namjoon was out of earshot.

“Yeah, it’s coming together. Tomorrow, hm?”

“Of course, hyung. I’ll be off early too.”

They weren’t near perfect, cracks still showing.

But now, those cracks were filled with lacquer and gold, highlighting the fights that they had survived by persistence alone.

Namjoon managed to work through his own stuff, before trying it over again with them. He talked about how when he was in a mindset to achieve and finish, he really blocked everything out and that meant losing on things that were vital to his existence. And on days when he felt too big for his body, he would find solace in Yoongi’s raspy reading and Hoseok’s gentle touches.

Yoongi didn’t talk as much about his own struggles, too ashamed and too personal even when he had bared his soul to them. But, they were patient with him, letting him set the pace for uncovering the hidden uncertainty over if he really fit with them, if they weren’t tired of him and everything beyond the constraints.

Hoseok was the easiest, open to trusting them all over without much effort. Maybe there was a part of him that knew they would be back together, that they could work. Whatever the reason, he was the strongest of them three, even on days when everything else felt bleak. He stayed despite the hurt caused because he believed in them more than the other two did themselves.

They had a long way to go, each breaking and rebuilding themselves again.

But they were hell-bent on trying their best for they knew they deserved the happiness written in sparkly stars sprinkled in the dark skies. 

“Can we know where we are going?”
Namjoon asked, as he sat in the backseat.

“Hyung, this wasn’t part of the plan.”
Hoseok muttered, pouting softly.

“Change of plans I suppose. But, just a change in location, don’t worry.”
Yoongi said, as he gripped on the steering wheel with eyes open for the next turning.

“Plan? Both of you made a plan without me knowing?”
Namjoon questioned, one eyebrow up.

“Close your eyes now. Tight. No peeking until I say so.”

“And if I don’t, hm?”

“Joon-ah, I swear you’re not getting any kisses from me then.”

The effect of the threat was immediate as Namjoon closed his eyes making Hoseok laugh loudly. A melody that Yoongi would never get tired of, even on the days when everything overwhelmed his senses— all too much to make sense of.

“You’re so cute, Joon-ah. If I chomp you, you’ll be gone in three bites.”
Hoseok said, all too fond in his words.

“Hey, close your eyes too.”
Yoongi quickly snapped, as he took a turn.

“Alright, big man. I’m doing it.”

And when they did come to a stop, Yoongi opening the car doors and guiding their hands until they reached the said destination in mind—which included three steps and one lift ride, he urged them to open their eyes.

“Brought you to the stars because it’s physically impossible for me to bring them to you.”

“Hyung, this is so beautiful.”
Hoseok said in awe, as he stared up at the dome above them, crystal clear to the moonlit sky above.

“Liked it, Joon-ah? This is supposed to be our fifth anniversary gift which I know is later in the month but I won’t be here due to work and I don’t want to miss our celebration.”
Yoongi explained, eyes keen on Namjoon who had just stood there.

What he didn’t expect was one charging Namjoon his way as he lifted Yoongi in the air with arms wrapped around tight in an expression of the immediate inflyx of joy he had felt.

“You are such a silly person, Yoongi. How could I do anything but love this surprise? This is so pretty and romantic.”

Yoongi stared a Namjoon whose eyes were a perfect reflection of the stars, bright and sparkly. He could write a million words about them, if given an opportunity. There was something so beautiful about this exact view where Namjoon’s face glowed with happiness. He was pretty much lost in those thoughts, until Hoseok came from behind him, snaking his arms around Yoongi’s waist.

“I assume you’ve planned dinner. Did you rent this place just for us?”

Yoongi nodded for both, leaning until his head was supported by Hoseok’s shoulders.

“I love you so much, not just because you pulled this off without us knowing. I love you with the same affinity of those stars that stay every night alongside the moon.”
Hoseok whispered, pressing his lips on Yoongi’s temple with fervour.

The night was peaceful, their dinner plates filled with dishes made by their favourite restaurants, the music playing from the tiny recorder that Yoongi had bought, their worlds slowing by time just for them. The wide smiles just got bigger when they watched the stars through the telescope, finding the constellations mapped on the skies.

The four hours spent at the observatory was going to rewrite the day spent last year, when everything broke into pieces unknown. This was going to be their new memory of their anniversary as three, none of the harsh words from before to taint the day. It was a simple gesture, nothing too grand with gifts unseen, for time was bigger than anything.

They weren’t ideal, flaws poking with each turn of the clock but right now, they were the happiest they have ever been, which meant more than everything else.

Nothing could break them anymore, right?