Chapter Text
Rumour Has It:
After yet another boring summer away from this magical school, there have been several developments. The first being that Amaryllis Gardens is showing. It appears her secret relationship with Percival Parkinson is not so secret, and brainstorming baby names appears to be on the horizon…
The Prewitt twins are sporting matching blue hair styles, likely the work of Arthur Weasley, their sister’s boyfriend, as their childish prank wars continue.
Alice Fortescue appears to have ended her relationship with Frank Longbottom and has publicly switched teams. She has been spending an awful lot of time outside the Slytherin dorms…
The self-described Marauders are rumoured to have an enchanted piece of parchment that discloses the location of every student and teacher at Hogwarts on a map of the school. These Hogwarts heroes draw the line at bullying but consider stalking acceptable. (A magical piece of parchment will not impress Evans, Potter). On that note, Lily Evans continues to be uninterested by James Potter’s frequent and embarrassing attempts to woo her. Stay strong, Lily.
Snape has been ogling Mulciber since he arrived on the train just hours ago, to the surprise of literally no one. Those who are homophobic are almost always gay. We can recognize repressed emotions when we see them, Severus.
On a more serious note (haha), Sirius Black has officially been disowned as the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, leaving his brother Regulus to take his place. Sirius has become an honorary Potter (Merlin help Euphemia and Fleamont), and us students are left to wonder how Regulus will hold up under all this pressure considering his brother seems to be better fitted for the role between the two. We shall see how this latest development affects the relationship of the two brothers and the standing of the Black family.
After updating you on the most secret and interesting parts of gossip, let me introduce myself. As the most informed person in this school, I’m the anonymous writer who will be entertaining you for the rest of this year. You’re welcome. And remember, if there’s anything you wish to know,
Rumour has it.
James slammed the parchment down on the table, turning it around and waiting several seconds for Remus, Sirius, and Peter to read it. Once they were finished, they all met James’s eye. Remus looked slightly amused, Sirius’s eyes were wide, and Peter was staring off into space, shaking his head.
James ran a hand through his hair, sinking back into the desk chair. “What the fuck is this? Who is Rumour, and how do they know about the map?”
Remus sat on the edge of his bed, leaning his elbows against his knees. “A gossip monger, clearly. I think it’s quite funny. Not about the map, just the rest of it.”
Sirius frowned at Remus as he stood above him, his hands placed on his hips. “Was the part about me being disowned funny to you, Lupin?”
Remus held his hands up, shaking his head. “No, not that part.”
Sirius turned away, looking every bit as distressed as James. “Regulus is gonna be really fucking mad when he sees someone said he’s not fit for the role and suggested this would ruin our relationship.”
Peter leaned back in his seat, stretching his arms across the back of it. “Didn’t you and Regulus already have a long talk? Aren’t you guys good?”
Sirius nodded, pacing in front of the doorway. “Yeah, we’re good, but he’s still gonna be pissed. Reggie hates attention.”
James leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling with a frown. “That’s hardly the most notable thing on there. Can we go back to the map, please?”
Remus just stared at him, unwrapping a chocolate and biting into it. “Not much we can do, Prongs, the whole school’s already seen copies of that parchment. It was distributed to every student. Besides, they can’t use the map without the key words, anyway.”
The door banged open a second later, Lily, Mary, and Marlene standing in the doorway. Lily held up her own copy of the small parchment, identical to James’s. “What. The. Fuck?”
James gestured at Lily, standing up. “Appropriate reaction, thank you!”
Lily sat down on the floor, crossing her legs and staring at the parchment she placed in her lap. “Who would write this? Some of this information is well fucking hidden, how do they know all this? And what map are they talking about?”
Mary snorted, picking up the map from the bedside table where they had left it open and unguarded. “My favourite part was the part about James failing to woo Lily. This person’s funny. What are they calling them? Rumour?”
Peter nodded, leaning back in his chair. “Could it be Rita Skeeter? She’s obsessed with this sort of thing.”
Marlene shook her head, falling to the floor beside Lily. “No, Rita’s always taken a more direct approach. She couldn’t conceal her identity like that if she tried. This person has to be smarter.”
James sighed, taking the map back from Mary’s hand and whispering ‘mischief managed’ to hide it again. “Well whoever it is knows a lot of things they shouldn’t.”
Sirius snorted, stopping his pacing to grin at James. “You’re just mad about the Lily comment.”
James threw his hands in the air, his cheeks burning slightly. “For the last time, I’m over her! And do you want to talk about the entire paragraph about you, Pads?”
Sirius scowled, snatching the map from James’s hand and dumping it on the bed. “Fine. But it’s too late to do anything now.”
James scanned the room, studying each of his friend’s faces. “The only people who knew about the map were the four of us.”
Remus frowned, placing his chocolate wrapper off to the side as he chewed thoughtfully. “Are you suggesting one of us wrote that, Prongs?”
James’s eyes darted to Peter, then Sirius, then back to Remus. “I’m merely stating that only four of us knew that existed.”
Peter shook his head, leaning forward. “That makes no sense, Prongs, because we’ve had that map for nearly two years now. If we wanted to expose ourselves, we would’ve done it a long time ago. And besides, we didn’t know that stuff about Alice or Percival and Amaryllis.”
James sighed, sinking back into his seat. Mary leaned against the bedpost behind him, patting his shoulder. “You’ll live, Potter. Besides, I hope they continue. This is the most entertainment we’ve had in the five years we’ve been going here.”
Marlene snorted, nudging Mary’s leg from beside her. “You say that now until Rumour writes something about you.”
Mary sighed wistfully, staring out the window. “I sorta wish I thought of it, you know? A super secret Hogwarts gossip column. Iconic.”
Sirius rose an eyebrow at her, leaning against the bed Remus was sitting on. “Got something to share, MacDonald?”
Mary just grinned, leaning in with a wink. “You wish it was that easy.”
***
The Great Hall was alight with whispers, everyone’s head on a swivel as they tried to figure out the identity of Rumour and how all their top-secret information had been revealed. Amaryllis was crying at the Slytherin table, shaking her head as tears fell from her eyes while her friends comforted her and hissed at everyone who came near them. The Prewitt twins had their robes covering the blue hair that stuck out, and Arthur Weasley was cackling beside them. Alice Fortescue was notably absent, and Frank Longbottom had red-rimmed eyes. James was stunned at the accuracy of all the information.
There was a loud clap from the front of the room, and the students fell silent as Dumbledore stood. “Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts! This one will surely be as wonderful as the last! It has come to my attention that we’ve gotten off to a bit of an interesting start. An anonymous writer dubbed ‘Rumour’ has decided to grace our eyes with startlingly accurate gossip. While this may be all in good fun, violating the privacy of students is a danger to our school and a likely distraction from academic success. With that in mind, please come forward if you have any information at all so we can shut this down as quickly as possible. Thank you very much, please enjoy the feast.”
Lily leaned in as soon as he stopped talking, lowering her voice to a whisper. “We tried everything. All the spells we could think of and all the relevant ones in the library. Handwriting, magical signature: it’s all untraceable. This person is talented. Likely someone older. I wouldn’t even know how to begin with something like this. Maybe a seventh year?”
Remus nodded along, sipping his juice. “Let’s think about it. All the gossip is about fourth through seventh years, so probably someone in that age range.”
Mary lifted her fork, chiming in. “Yeah, but if this person is as smart as we think, they could be doing things to throw us off. Like they could be a third year only writing about older kids so people only suspect the older years.”
Remus mumbled his agreements, and Lily let out a loud sigh. “So we have nothing.”
Sirius swallowed his food, sauce staining the corners of his mouth. “Are we actually going to try and figure out who this is? Like a full-on investigation?”
Lily just raised her eyebrows, locking eyes with Sirius. “Duh. I need to know now. I’m invested. Besides, now you can put those stalking skills to good use.”
Sirius shook his head, exchanging a glance with James. “We weren’t stalking anyone. It was for pranking purposes.”
Lily just pursed her lips, glancing between the pair. “I’m not convinced.”
------
Regulus slammed the parchment down on the table with a scowl. “This is ridiculous. Who would even know any of this?”
Barty raised an eyebrow, scanning the length of Regulus’s face. “Some of it was funny. Like the comment about Evans and Potter. That one had me.”
Regulus’s mouth twitched downward. “I’m sure you thought so. How about the part saying I wasn’t fit to be heir?”
Evan winced, exchanging a look with Pandora. “That’s not exactly…”
Regulus glared at him, shutting him up with a single glance. “In so many words. And they suggested this would wreck my relationship with Sirius. I swear to Salazar, I’m going to find out who this person is and kill them slowly.”
Dorcas smirked, shaking her head. “I’m glad I’m not on your hit list. It grows by the day.”
Regulus sunk into his seat, waving his wand to prompt the paper to burst into shreds. “I’ll make them regret it.”
Pandora leaned into his side, patting him fondly on the cheek. “I’m sure you will. But right now, we have to go to class.”
Their group followed the rest of the students filing out of the hall. Regulus turned away from his friends other than Dorcas, heading to the dungeons for Potions. He walked into the room, hovering near the back as Slughorn assigned tables and partners. A warmth came over him as someone stepped closer to him, whispering in his ear. “What are you doing here?”
Regulus looked up, a scowl falling into place as he met the warm brown eyes of James Potter. “Why are you talking to me?”
James just grinned, leaning even closer until their shoulders were brushing. “You’re Sirius’s brother.”
Regulus stepped pointedly away so they were no longer touching. “Ah yes, that is in fact my name, Potter.”
James held out his hand with yet another blinding smile. “I’m James.”
Regulus stared down at his hand with barely concealed disgust. “Are you as thick as you look, Potter?”
James leaned closer, the scent of pine and eucalyptus overwhelming Regulus’s senses. “It just seems like you keep forgetting my first name.”
Regulus feigned confusion, scanning the length of James’s body. “Ah, yes. What was it? John?”
James held a hand over his chest in mock offense. “You wound me, Reginald.”
Regulus scowled, his lips turning downward. “Don’t call me that, Potter.”
James’s smile enunciated the dimples in his cheeks. “What a great comeback.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest. “It’s called wit, Potter, I wouldn’t expect you to recognize it.”
James laughed, the sound oddly resembling bells ringing. “I just love not so thinly veiled insults disguised as intellect.”
Regulus leaned against the wall, eyes scanning James with an air of indifference. “I’m surprised you know what those words mean, I wasn’t convinced you knew how to read.”
James stepped even closer. “I wasn’t convinced you knew how to hold a conversation without insulting someone, and my suspicions were proven correct.”
Regulus smirked, the corner of his mouth twitching up. “Ah, but you make it so easy. Low hanging fruit.”
James leaned in with a smug smile taunting his lips. “Maybe if you hated me as much as you claim, you wouldn’t still be talking to me, Regulus.”
Regulus just examined his nails with a bored expression. His black nail polish was chipping. “Don’t confuse insulting you with talking to you, those aren’t the same. I’m not convinced you know how to hold a conversation worthy of my time.”
James leaned against the wall beside him, leaving far too little space between them. “And yet you seem unable to stop bickering with me.”
Regulus looked up, locking eyes with him. “I enjoy putting you in your place, Potter. Someone has to before your ego takes up all the room in the school.”
James grinned, running a hand through his continuously messy hair. “Then maybe it’ll rival the size of yours.”
Regulus gritted his teeth, his patience wearing thin. “At least I don’t strut around like I own the place.”
James just shrugged, stepping further away. “It’s called confidence, Black. It’s what you get when people actually like you. Although I wouldn’t expect you to be familiar with the concept of popularity.”
Regulus let out a small sigh, shaking his head as sarcasm laced his voice. “Whatever helps you sleep at night. It really does seem like everyone is just falling all over you.”
James’s voice was low and teasing when he spoke next. “Worked on you.”
Regulus scoffed. “That’s genuinely laughable.”
James clasped his hands together, his eyes burning into the side of Regulus’s face. “Then why didn’t you laugh?”
Regulus just glanced at him with a disgusted expression before returning his focus to the front of the room. “Because nothing you say is funny, it’s only pathetic, and the words speak for themselves, Potter.”
James grinned sweetly at him. “Please, call me James.”
Slughorn’s voice cut off their bickering. “Boys. Your seats.”
Slughorn gestured to the table on the right of the third row. James and Regulus exchanged looks with wide eyes, recognizing that they were to be each other’s partners for the entire year before trudging over and sinking into their seats. Regulus fidgeted with his quill as Slughorn continued down the line, announcing the partners. James plucked the quill from Regulus’s hands, spinning it between his own fingers. “So. Did you hear about Rumour?”
Regulus rolled his eyes, reaching for his quill. “Everyone and their mother heard about it, Potter.”
James pulled the quill out of his reach. “James. Who do you think it was?”
Regulus sighed, leaning his arms on the table and leveling James with an unimpressed look. “How should I know? I don’t concern myself with childish gossip, Potter.”
James grinned, placing the quill back down on the table and spinning it around. “James. Even when said gossip mentions you by name?”
Regulus scowled, turning towards the front of the room. “Do you just like saying your own name over and over again? I’ve never met someone so obsessed with themselves.”
James reached out and poked the side of Regulus’s face. “Your eye is twitching. You do care.”
Regulus slapped his hand away, glaring at the front of the room. “Don’t touch me, Potter. I do not care, but I do find it rather hilarious that you were exposed for stalking Evans. How is that going by the way?”
James’s cheeks flushed delightfully, tainting his tan skin in a pink shade. “I’m over her. And I wasn’t stalking her. That map was for… other purposes.”
Regulus locked eyes with James, raising his eyebrows. “Ah, yes. A truly honourable reason. You’re totally right, that isn’t stalkerish at all.”
James rolled his eyes, though his grin never faded. “‘Stalkerish’ isn’t a word.”
Regulus responded without a beat of hesitation. “I was trying to speak in a language you’d understand. Although that might be too advanced. I’ll try to use smaller words.”
Slughorn cleared his throat from the front of the room, eyeing James and Regulus pointedly before beginning his lesson.
***
The next piece of parchment came later that night.
Rumour Has It:
It has come to my attention that Professor Dumbledore does not approve of my work. Let me be clear on one thing: I do not approve of his. He runs a magical school and separates kids by single personality traits, leading to house rivalries that go far beyond friendly competition. He also does not take steps to promote the wellbeing of his students, focusing on his own selfish interests instead.
While the first issue was distributed around the school as a method of blowing off some steam and taking up an activity I enjoy, Professor Dumbledore’s disapproval has ensured my continued publication of these issues. Therefore, welcome to issue number two. I’ll publish them when I desire with any information I deem worthy of mention.
Enjoy the first week of classes, and remember: keep no secrets, and I shall have nothing to expose. But alas, the student body believes they are capable of keeping things hidden. We’ll see about that. I’ll see you soon. And remember, if there’s anything you wish to know,
Rumour has it.