Work Text:
Libraries are funny places. They’re havens, really, everyone knows that. But to a teenager taunted through the windows by the first sunny day of spring, a library can be a prison.
James certainly felt imprisoned. He was splayed across his little desk (and over at least half of Remus’s), books and pens and miscellaneous snacks scattered where he’d dropped them mid-thought.
It wasn’t just the sun or the books though.
He turned to Remus suddenly. “Have you ever wanted to kiss a boy-”
“Yes.” Remus didn’t look up from his book.
“Shut up. Have you every wanted to kiss a boy because you were jealous?”
Remus looked up warily. “Definitely yes.” Those wary eyes narrowed. “Which boys are you kissing, James?”
“I’m not kissing boys,” James scoffed, “but I think I have a boy-crush.”
An observer in the know might note that the situation had to be grave, because Remus put his book down entirely.
“What the fuck is a boy-crush?”
James shrugged. “You know.”
“No.”
“Girls get to have girl-crushes. I’ve got a boy-crush.”
“I don’t think-”
James wasn’t listening to what Remus did or didn’t think. “It’s- you can’t tell Sirius, they’ll end me. It’s just- something about Reggie and Lily’s relationship I guess. Sometimes I want to kiss him, just to be closer to kissing her.”
“That’s not how- Wait, Lily isn’t-” Remus took an exasperated breath. “Are you saying you want to kiss Regulus to… kiss Lily. By proxy?”
“Gah,” James scoffed with a dismissive wave, “you make it sound so gross and clinical. I am being romantic and tragic.
“I want to taste his lips because they’ll taste like her. I want to drown myself in that stupidly expensive lavender bergamot shampoo. I want his perfect curls and whatever magic touch he possesses because maybe, maybe then she’d want me just as much.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. Tragic is right. Can we- fuck.”
James tutted. “I told you I don’t kiss boys, Rem.”
“Now that is the funniest fucking thing you’ve said all day.” He took a long breath, muttering conflictedly to himself. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. Sirius is going to fucking kill me. But if I don’t I might just kill my-fucking-self.”
“Um.”
Remus looked up, decided. “Alright, Potter. Indulge me a moment.”
James blinked at him.
“If I was dating Lily- stop it, stay with me for a second. Would you want to kiss me?”
“Flattering, Rem, but we’ve established that I’m straight.”
“Have we,” Remus muttered flatly.
“Also you’re gay so I can’t even imagine it. Bad example.”
Remus huffed. “Fine. Mary, then. Would you want to kiss Mary?”
“If she was dating Lily?”
“They’re both bi, totally plausible. So?”
James was quiet for a few uncharacteristic moments. “Well, no,” he started uncertainly, continuing quickly at Remus’s creeping smile. “But she’s my friend! It would be weird!”
“Pandora, then.”
More very un-James-like silence. “She’s not-”
“Jesus fuckery,” Remus groaned, head falling into his hands. “Have you even for one fucking second considered that maybe you just want to kiss Regulus?”
He said it like it was the most frustratingly obvious thing in the world.
But James hadn’t. And now he was.
“Because really,” Remus barrelled on, “in this day and age ‘boy crushes’ are just crushes. You know it’s legal now?”
“Shut up,” James mumbled, still considering. “You’re being more of an arsehole than usual.” He even sounded pathetic to himself.
“And you’re being more unbearably fucking obtuse than usual,” Remus bit back.
After considering some more (but not yet coming to a conclusion), James decided he had a right to some defensiveness. “You can’t just tell me I’m gay, Rem. That’s not a thing people do.”
“I’m not telling you you’re gay, idiot. I’m telling you that you may have latent bisexual tendencies.” He met James’s eye. “That aren’t at all latent. Active bisexual tendencies. Because wanting to kiss and smell and touch a boy is not fucking straight behaviour.”
James took a moment to absorb the thought.
“Neither is knowing the fucking scent notes of their shampoo,” Remus added, in case the message wasn’t clear.
“That’s not my fault,” James whisper-cried, because they were still in the library. “Sirius stole it once, it was in our bathroom for a month!”
Remus didn’t say are you fucking kidding me out loud but it was in his face and also his body language. And then he did say it.
“Are you fucking kidding me.”
“Come on, Rem,” James whined once more, “you of all people know sexuality isn’t a choice thing or even a preference thing, I’m just-”
It was really, really unfortunate timing that the eye of this questionably bisexual storm entered the library just at that moment. Or perfect timing if you were Remus.
Because there he was, little Reggie Black. Except he wasn’t little Reggie Black any more. He was Regulus, beautiful and brilliant and mean, and James had never thought to look at him before.
How had he never looked at him before?
How was he ever going to look away?
Remus looked terribly pleased with himself, but was still surprised when James announced “I’m an active bisexual.” Obviously loudly enough for the whole damn library to hear. Obviously including the not-so-little younger Black sibling.
“Bisexuality activated,” James whispered as Regulus looked over with a faintly amused raised eyebrow.
Regulus looked to Remus with a questioning narrow of his eyes, to which Remus responded with a vaguely raised eyebrow and a nod in James’s direction.
And it all sort of made sense. Because Remus could have silent, telepathic conversations with Regulus and James couldn’t, and James certainly didn’t want to kiss Remus for it.
“It’s still tragic, though,” James sighed, once Regulus had turned back to his book. “Now I can just be jealous of Lily instead.”
Remus snorted. “Oh yeah, that was the other thing.” James looked up at him through despairing fingers. “Regulus is violently gay. And you’re a fucking idiot.”
“You already mentioned the second one,” James said, on petulant autopilot while digesting the news.
Remus smirked when he caught Regulus staring back at them again, but was promptly forgotten the second James could catch his eye.
Because yes, James had never looked to appreciate him in all of his glory before, not properly. But he also hadn’t had the chance to gaze properly, to pine wistfully and all that romantic rot. And James was so good at that romantic rot. But now he could, and for a moment he was only his soft smile and wide eyes, seeing for the first time. Regulus stared back, trapped for a long moment, but looked away first with a roll of perfect grey eyes.
A book slammed onto the table opposite the Remus and James. It was the one Marlene had been pretending to read, while listening to the whole ordeal. In her defence, they’d all arrived together. Not her fault these idiots didn’t understand object permanence.
“That was the gayest shit I’ve ever heard,” she announced, also too loud and to the whole library. James watched the corner of Regulus’s mouth lift.
“Agreed,” came sharply from behind them, making both boys jump. Sirius lowered the book that they too had been pretending to read, and Remus tried to assess how much trouble he was in.
“Listen, Potter,” Sirius began, as sternly as they could manage. From someone who usually called James some variation on honeypie-babygirl-angelface, the formality of the address made up for the lacking tone. “He’s been in love with you since he was twelve. I’m begging you to end my suffering.”
“Sirius, you promised-” Remus spluttered.
“Yeah fuck that,” Sirius interrupted, waving him off, but then turning back. “Also, you? Mr have you just considered kissing little sweet innocent baby Reggie?”
At this, there were snorts from more than just their own party. Ah, eavesdroppers.
James took a breath to speak, but Sirius cut him off with a (kind of) threatening finger. “‘Marry him or I’ll cut off your dick.”
“Sold,” James breathed.
And then their face fell into that stupid Sirius grin, and all was right in the world.
Well, nearly.
Regulus glanced back again to find James just as doe-eyed as before, then looked to Remus with that questioning squint. This time Remus could only direct him to Sirius with a semi-guilty flat look.
Sirius’s grin was answer enough, and Regulus face dropped, a faint blush rising over his pretty cheekbones.
Had they always been that pretty?
Of course they had, you complete fool.
James found himself standing over Regulus’s desk without ever really deciding to go over, although that could have been to do with Sirius shoving him out of his chair. Or Remus kicking the chair away so he couldn’t sit back down. Or Marlene’s resounding slap on the arse that had propelled him most of the way over. And still hurt.
“Hi Reg,” he said after a moment, all softness.
“I’m reading,” Regulus replied, a hint of the ghost of a smile in his voice. That, paired with the fact that he hadn’t upped and left already gave James hope.
“Marry me?”
Regulus stopped blinking. He turned slowly to look up at James with a sort of incredulous derision while the wild-eyed boy sitting beside him muttered “Don’t people usually get on their knees for this sort of thing?”
James didn’t care about the boy beside Regulus, but he knelt anyway, enjoying the new angle. Looking up at Regulus, while he looked back down. Neither spoke for a moment.
“Well?” James said finally, still achingly soft.
“If my reading prompted you to ask, I must say that that is an incredibly low bar.”
“I asked because that’s the criteria for dating you,” James said, regretting the words even as they came out.
Predictably, Regulus’s face hardened into his favourite scowl. “Of course Sirius would get a say.”
James edged closer, still on one knee, widening the angle to which he had to tilt his head to meet Regulus’s eye. “I beg you to take that as I would marry you this second for the chance to date you. Sirius or no.”
He itched to say more, to fill the silence that followed, to prompt any response from the unmoving boy he gazed up at. But he didn’t.
“You beg, do you?” Regulus answered finally, eyes meeting James’s once more. In the heather grey he found the whisper of a breath of the softness he craved, and his smile was disproportionately wide. Or maybe just wide enough.
“I do,” James vowed, extremely proud of himself. Regulus rolled his eyes, but his lips were tugging up in ways that James had only dreamed of.
(It had been an intense few bisexual minutes)
“Dorm roofs at 8 tonight,” James decided.
“I’ll have to check my calendar.”
James loved watching Regulus pretend at aloofness, but had never had much time for it himself. “I’ll be at your door at 7:45.”
“You don’t know which room’s mine,” Regulus claimed.
“116,” piped up the wild-eyed boy, as if James didn’t already know. James just smiled benignly.
“And if I don’t answer the door?”
James just smiled up at him. “Then I suppose I’ll eat my blackberry tarts and watch your star all alone.”
How had he convinced himself he fancied Lily all that time, when it was Regulus he watched so closely? Regulus who he craved with each of his senses. Whose shampoo he’d memorised, and apparently who’s favourite treats he’d learned, little facts stored away for later.
“And then I’ll ask a second time,” he added, “maybe next week, or the week after. Not at third time, though, because I’ll respect your decision.”
Regulus stared down at him, eyes flicking over every part of his face. That pretty mouth tutted once, like he was disappointed in himself, let out a delicate sigh, then said “Come to the door,” as if James had any intention of being anywhere else. “I’ll see how I feel.”
James grinned properly for the first time since he’d come over, relieved despite his apparent confidence, and Regulus’s chest heaved just once as he took the smile in.
James leaned in a little to whisper a conspiratorial “Until then, my betrothed.”
Regulus rolled his eyes with false disgust. “Absolutely not.”
“Try and stop me,” James sang as he rose and backed a step away. “Buy my silence.”
“Leave now and I’ll consider your proposal.” It was an admission in itself from a mouth as sharp as Regulus’s, and the peanut gallery that had become the library goers knew it.
James smiled again, though he hadn’t stopped. “Until next we meet, light of my heart.”
“Out,” Regulus snapped, having already turned back to his book.
James began a whispered “Parting is such sweet-” until a final glare finally shut him up. “Leaving. Bye.”
Having been banished from the library, James was forced out into the glorious spring sunshine. Regrettably, he got no work done the whole rest of the day, revelling in the sun and the nearing of all his favourite parts of the year.
He would have a lovely evening too, though it ought really to be called a night.
Then of course would come a pretty great week, an enjoyable month, his favourite season, and an entirely contented year.
Ahead was a future he could never have dreamed of in order to hope for it, and making sure he kept his promise to his best friend and inevitable sibling-in-law, but that was for later.
For now, he recharged in the warm sunshine and, for the first time in his life, wished for it to set.