Work Text:
Helena, there is a timeline where you don’t exist, where you die saving the warehouse, saving me. And in that timeline you smile at me, content in your decision, the aroma of apples wrapping you in a hug I myself would die to give you one last time.
I suffered your loss but at least then there was a finality, the knowledge that I would never speak to you again, that I could never speak to you again. You were lost to the universe and just for a second, I could have learned to live with it.
It would have been infinitely more bearable to know that you were gone and at peace. I wouldn't have had to listen to you stumble through an explanation that stabbed me through the heart with each false word you spoke. It is unfathomable to learn you are choosing to build a life, away from me, because we both know your truth, even if neither of us have ever been able to voice it, I am your truth and you have been mine since that fortunate day we met at gunpoint.
And so I accept your rejections, reassurances, and regrets and on that driveway we both agree to swallow a lie.
I carry with me your affection, attention, and admirations with the hope that we will one day see each other again, and that one day I will hold you in my arms and we will be done saying goodbye.