Chapter Text
It was strangely comfortable to walk next to Will Daniels, even as the desert threatened to overwhelm Fitz.
Fitz barely understood how Jemma had survived this place. He didn’t know how much of that survival was owed to the man he was walking next to.
Or maybe he did, and he just didn’t want to think about it.
“What else do you know about the ancient city?” Fitz asked.
Will stumbled. Fitz half caught him. “Whoa.”
“Sorry,” Will said. “I just. Would really like to not be here anymore.”
“You and me both,” Fitz muttered.
They fell back into that oddly comfortable silence. Fitz wanted to ask his question again, but decided to tuck his curiosity away. They’d have time to talk.
And Fitz would need to figure out how to do that.
He shook the thought away. He’d been living in half hour increments, stubbornly trying to compartmentalize saving Will, a good man who had kept his best friend alive, away from bringing Will to Jemma and accepting what that likely meant.
He had a lot of raging against the universe to do.
They stumbled down the ridge together, barely staying on their feet. Will sat heavily down.
“It’ll be here,” Will said.
Fitz looked around. “Simmons said that sandstorms kicked up when she was running to me.”
Will cleared his throat. It occurred to Fitz that Will didn’t have any idea where he stood with Jemma.
Well, Fitz wasn’t going to ruin the mystery.
“I don’t think sandstorms are always It,” Will said. “That one was, yeah, but mostly this planet just really sucks.”
Fitz snorted. “All the time, you mean.”
Will shrugged. “Towards the end, it was different.”
Fitz’s heart panged. Before he was able to allow himself five seconds of pining, the sounds of fighting made them both turn.
“Fuck,” Fitz breathed out. Coulson and Ward.
And the portal blared to life.
“Go,” Fitz said. He helped Will to his feet. “Go, Will, now.”
Will shook his head. “Fitz-”
“I’ll get Coulson and we’ll be right behind you, go!”
Will gave him a final look Fitz didn’t understand before he stumbled the few feet to the portal and dropped through it.
Fitz whipped around to see Ward on the ground.
“Leave him!” he shouted.
Ward could suffer there. Could die there. Maybe someone had to. There had to be a price for leaving this terrible place and maybe, just maybe, if Ward paid it Fitz wouldn’t have to.
But he watched as Coulson crushed Ward’s chest.
Fitz’s ears started ringing.
Coulson killed Ward. Coulson had, in cold blood-
Come back to me, Jemma had pleaded to Fitz.
So he ran through the portal, too.
-
Fitz stumbled out and fell to the ground as Coulson slammed into him. He shook his head, trying to clear it. They were back- why was the castle still shaking?
“Move!” Mack was shouting. He pulled Fitz and Coulson to their feet. “Move!”
Mack half dragged Fitz down the corridor. Fitz caught glimpses of the others ahead of them- Coulson, somehow pulling ahead. Daisy walking fast, supporting Will. Fitz’s vision blurred for a second. He shoved his emotions down. Survival now. Breakdown later.
When he saw the containment pod, he was terribly confused, but not enough to stop moving. Mack shoved him in and the doors closed.
Fitz was aware that they were moving, but his world had narrowed to the scene in front of him. Will, in the containment pod with them, silent and looking down at the floor, not in tears, just looking shell shocked. Coulson fell down next to him, breathing hard.
Fitz felt someone squeeze his arm. He turned to see Mack at his side, looking entirely too large for the small space they were all occupying.
“I’ve got you,” Mack said, his voice low and quiet. “I’ve got your back no matter what.”
That nearly got Fitz. He swallowed hard, trying to convey his gratitude with a nod.
-
Jemma’s face when she saw him was pure relief. Of course it was.
“Fitz,” she said.
She was shaking. He could see how overwhelmed she was. His instincts screamed at him to go to her. He turned to watch Will come out of the pod instead.
He couldn’t look at her when Will did. He forced himself to turn to Bobbi and Hunter instead. He couldn’t get himself to do more than keep a very fake smile on. His head was resoundingly empty, actually. He had no idea who was touching his shoulder or if he’d said anything at all. He wanted to run. He had to run.
“I’m just gonna,” he muttered.
He turned to slip away before he finished the sentence. Daisy and Lincoln were kissing, May and Coulson were embracing and speaking quietly, and Jemma was- Will was touching her face and whispering very seriously to her. She was holding his waist like- they were so comfortable with each other, like-
Fitz inhaled sharply. He couldn’t do this. He moved towards the hallway, trying to move without urgency.
“Fitz,” he heard Jemma sob.
And of course he stopped and turned back to her.
She flew at him in that way she’d done hundreds of times before, flinging her arms around him and burying her face in his neck.
He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her. Who knew how many more times he’d get to do it? He breathed her in, closing his eyes. She was mumbling- he caught a thank god you’re okay, and his heart clenched.
He felt eyes on him. He couldn’t help but look.
Of course, it was Will. Fitz didn’t know what he thought he would see in the other man’s eyes. He didn’t know what Will was expecting now that they were back, or exactly what he had meant when he said Jemma loved Fitz. He just knew that what he saw wasn’t anything he could have predicted. Will looked almost…blank. If their eyes hadn’t met, Fitz would have thought that he was just in shock, but Will was definitely looking at him.
There wasn’t a threat on the other man’s face, but Fitz felt threatened anyway. Instinctively, he tightened his arms around Jemma. She squeezed him back.
“I’m a mess,” she got out. She dropped her chin on his shoulder.
Will’s eyes stayed flat. Strangely enough, he smiled.
A shiver went down Fitz’s spine.
Was it going to be like this, then? Would Fitz constantly be looking for red flags in Jemma’s…Will? He was going to be around. Fitz couldn’t do this, couldn’t assume the worst and get weird if he wanted Jemma to stay in his life. The man had just gotten back from thirteen years in hell, he was going to be off for a bit.
Fitz had to let Jemma go, but he closed his eyes again first. He wanted this last moment.
Then, he needed to run.
“Jemma!”
Daisy.
Jemma squeezed him one more time before pulling back and dropping a kiss on his cheek before she let go. She looked exhausted. She was going to break down, too.
Daisy caught his eye for half a second as she pulled Jemma into an embrace and he knew she understood.
He slipped out of the room.
He ducked and darted his way through the plane he’d designed until he was in a corner HVAC closet. He sat down in the corner, pulling his knees up and feeling very much like a little kid hiding so he wouldn’t get in trouble.
He had all of a minute to himself before there was a knock. He winced.
“I’m coming in.”
Bobbi. Of course. She’d have no problems following him.
She opened the door and closed it quickly.
“Hey,” she said. She leaned back against it.
He didn’t want to see the pitying look on her face. His head was empty and his body was numb and that was just fine, really.
But it wasn’t, of course, and she knew that. She sat down next to him, directly in his space so their arms were pushed together. He didn’t break down crying, or curl into her, or do anything at all, really.
She sat with him until they landed anyway.
-
As they trooped into the base, Coulson attempted to call a debrief. He stopped mid-sentence when May slightly narrowed her eyes at him.
“Right,” Coulson said. “Debrief will be tomorrow morning. Take the night to eat and sleep and get cleaned up, guys- and for god’s sake, actually stop by medical.”
Fitz immediately took off down the hallway towards their bunks. He wasn’t surprised when Bobbi fell into step with him.
“We need to check you out.”
“I’m fine,” he said, his voice emotionless. “I just need to sleep. I promise.”
Hunter appeared at his other side. “Like hell you do.”
Fitz huffed.
“I appreciate it,” he said, managing not to snap, “but I really could use some time alone.”
“Couldn’t we all.” Mack, right behind him.
Fitz wanted to scream.
Hunter’s bunk was the first in the hallway and apparently, that’s where they were going. They herded Fitz inside. Fitz turned on them.
“Guys,” he said. “Please. I just. Need to be alone.”
Mack leaned back against the door. “Do you?”
“I was thinking you need a drink, actually,” Hunter said. He was bent over, digging under his bed.
“Alcohol isn’t the answer to everything, Hunter,” Fitz snapped.
Bobbi sat on Hunter’s couch. “But sometimes, it helps.”
“Ha!” Hunter cried. He stood and held a familiar bottle aloft like it was some ancient relic he’d unearthed. “Scotch.”
Fitz rolled his eyes. “Hunter.”
“It’s Glenmorangie.”
Fitz’s eyes narrowed.
“Forty years.”
Fitz’s shoulders slumped and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Give me a pour.”
“There he is.”
“Also if you want to talk or yell about your problems, that’s also on the table,” Mack said.
Fitz shrugged. “What’s there to talk about?”
He could somehow hear their incredulous looks.
“It’s fine,” he said stubbornly. “We got him back. Ward is dead. It’s all fine.”
“Ward is dead?” Bobbi said sharply.
“Fuck,” Fitz muttered.
He took the glass Hunter offered him and took a deep sip, trying to enjoy it. Quality scotch. A rare treat.
Jemma, touching Will’s waist. Coulson, crushing Ward’s chest.
Fitz shook his head and took another sip.
“Coulson killed him,” he said. “I would have helped, but I was getting- we were getting to the portal.”
“Ah,” Mack said. “So you and Will spent some time together.”
Fitz almost laughed.
“Of course we did,” he said. “How else could it have possibly gone?”
He jumped when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out without looking and tossed it onto Hunter’s bed before sitting down next to Bobbi.
“Am I getting drunk?” he asked. “What is the intention here?”
Bobbi shrugged. “Whatever works.”
Fitz shrugged back. He looked down at his glass and swirled the liquid around. “I can’t just wallow. There’s always something to do.”
“Yeah, well, there’s not always Jemma in quarantine with the other guy,” Hunter said.
“Hunter,” Bobbi hissed.
“What?” Hunter said. “Are we just going to keep dancing around it? ‘Fitz, three of your friends have trapped you with them and alcohol because we think you’re about to have a super happy go of it? Good job on the interstellar travel, none of us are worried at all!’”
“It is what it is,” Fitz bit out. “We missed our shot, alright? The universe literally intervened before we could even give it a try. Pretty clear sign.”
Fitz’s phone buzzed again. Hunter looked at it then waved his hand. “It’s just Daisy checking in. Fitz- you’re giving up?”
Fitz didn’t even know how to react to that. “What?”
“Just- you’re giving her up without a fight?” Hunter said. “That’s it?”
Something leaden settled in Fitz’s stomach. He drained his glass and stood up. “I’m going to bed.”
“Fitz,” Mack started.
“No,” he said, and he was snapping at them again. “I can’t do that to her, okay? She didn’t do anything wrong and neither did Will. It’s shit, I got the shit end of the stick, but I don’t get to stomp around acting like some betrayed boyfriend because she said yes to one date half a year ago.”
He’d never told any of them that he kissed her- that she kissed him. He didn’t think he ever would. He didn’t know what to do with it at all. Her having feelings for him didn’t matter if she loved the other guy more.
Somehow, Mack seemed to know he wasn’t telling him everything, anyway.
Fitz forced himself to continue. “He kept her alive. He’s not a bad person. She’s not, either, it’s not like she set out to-”
He crumpled in on himself, just a bit. He couldn’t help it. He was an inch away from cracking.
“It just is,” he said, forcing out the words. “So I’m going to sleep, and I’m going to bloody demand some time off, probably, and we move on. We just have to move on.”
He waited for Hunter to look away, or admit defeat, or even fight back, but he didn’t.
“Mate,” Hunter said, “I just think-”
“I can’t, Hunter.”
Hunter fell silent. Mack stood up and left the door free.
Fitz finally got out.
Of all things, the pain in his shoulder was what hit him first. Ward had wrenched it nearly out of its socket and twisted the hell out of it. He should really get it checked out. He wasn’t doing that until he had a shower and at least a few hours by himself.
He felt like he was in a strange sort of mourning. It must have been how Jemma felt when she’d recorded that video telling him about Perthshire- like he’d had a future at his fingertips and he had lost it.
He slammed his bunk door closed behind him.
-
Jemma still felt slightly out of her body. She couldn’t quite relax. There were a million reasons for that, really. Who knew how long it would take for her to even vaguely get her equilibrium back.
The pod dropped Will, Jemma, and Daisy directly down to a quarantine room with a hospital bed and a saline drip ready to go. Daisy tapped the panel, adjusting the lighting so it wasn’t so harsh in deference to Will’s immediate wincing.
Will looked grateful but so, so tired. He stepped out of the pod and slumped immediately against its wall.
Jemma was nervous to be alone with him. She didn’t understand why. Alarm bells were ringing and her instincts were screaming at her to run, but that wasn’t an option. There was a lot to work out- so much to work out- but none of it would be happening that night. Will needed medical treatment and then she needed to go treat her own wounds.
Both Fitz and Will had gotten back safe. Beyond that knowledge, she had nothing more to give, mentally or emotionally. They were all safe. She could start untangling the mess she’d created after they all slept for several days.
All of them should have a soft landing, but that wasn’t going to happen.
Daisy patted Will’s shoulder.
“Thank you,” he said. “Sorry, I’m kind of overwhelmed.”
“Don’t apologize,” Daisy said firmly. “Our Doctor Simmons here will get you patched up. Then, sleep as long as you need. No pressure, Will, no timeline, this room is yours as long as you need it.”
Will smiled. It looked forced.
Something was wrong. Jemma just knew there was. She looked over him carefully, wincing at his clear malnutrition, so starkly obvious in the harsh white lighting of quarantine. She saw the bloodied bandages on his calf and her eyes widened.
“Will, your leg!”
Will shook his head. “I’m fine, Jemma.”
“Like hell you are. Why didn’t you say something before?”
She was furious with herself. She should have already started his medical exam. She sprang to action, grabbing the waiting first aid kid from the bed and helping him to the couch, ignoring his faint protest.
“Jemma, you-”
“No, you-”
The dizziness hit her, sharp and fast. She gasped and clutched at her side.
Will froze. “Jem?”
She shook her head. “I’m fine, I…”
But she wasn’t fine.
It was so obvious, when she saw them both in the pod. When her heart stopped twisting with guilt and love and utter confusion, when she’d known they were both okay. They were all okay.
She was so, so tired. The room blacking out around her was a relief.
-
When Jemma woke back up, the smell hit her first.
Antiseptic, predominantly. Something else was hitting her, though. It took a moment, shifting back into consciousness as slowly as she was, for her to realize it was the iron tang of blood.
She was so comfortable, though, and still so tired. Other sensations slowly registered: the cool sheets, soft from being washed so many times, the slight discomfort of an IV in the crook of her arm, the throbbing of her bruised ribs. Broken, maybe.
She was in the infirmary, and she wasn’t alone. She opened her eyes.
Will was sitting in a chair next to her bed, asleep with his chin resting on his chest. He looked, well, clean. He’d shaved and he was in the familiar standard issue black clothing everyone got for missions. Her eyes lingered at his chest and his arms- he’d lost so much weight since she’d left Maveth, and he hadn’t had a ton to spare.
Fitz had brought Will back. He was on Earth, and alive, and Jemma had no idea how to process it was real.
Not that she thought Fitz wouldn’t be able to- she always knew he would. Fitz had been incredible. Her heart ached about it, really. It was more that part of her simply hadn’t believed they’d be able to rescue Will.
Jarring, her brain supplied. That was right. It was jarring, seeing Will in a well lit room in different clothing.
He stirred, jerking in place a bit as he woke back up. He blinked around for a second before he looked at her and his mouth twisted in that familiar quirked smile.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” she got out. Her voice was hoarse.
“How are you doing? You scared me.”
Her mouth was so dry. “Is there water?”
“I don’t think so.”
Jemma frowned and looked around, spotting the bottle on her bedside table immediately.
“Can you?”
“Can I what?”
He was quite out of it still. Actually, she was surprised he was already comfortable in the normally lit room. It had taken her ages.
“On the table- can you open it for me? I’m sore.”
He blinked at her for a second before he looked. “Oh, sorry.”
He reached for it and cracked it. She sat up, hissing at the effort. He didn’t help her.
“What happened?” she asked.
She took the bottle and slowly drank, using the moment to attempt to gather her thoughts.
“You passed out,” he said. “You’ve got some bruises to explain to me, you know. And the doctors. We got you here, then I got kicked out. Got looked over myself, and then nearly passed out myself, too.”
She wiped her mouth. “Did you sleep well?”
“I did. Strange, to be in a bed that big.”
Jemma smiled. “You deserve it.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m kind of in shock.”
“That makes sense. Oh, what time is it?”
Will blinked. “I have no idea. Daisy checked on me and I asked her how you were, and that’s…all I’ve got.”
“That also makes sense.”
She hated not having a sense of time. She always had, but since her own return, it had become imperative.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I feel like I could eat ten people and I want to, I don’t know, read every newspaper ever published.”
She smiled again. “We can get you a tablet. There are plenty of newspaper archives and, you know, videos.”
“Tablet?”
“Bigger version of my phone- it’s a flat computer with a touchscreen.”
He blinked. “Oh, right. That was what Fitz had, with the program you two did.”
She wasn’t prepared to hear Fitz’s name. Guilt walloped her in the chest and she flinched.
Will tilted his head. Strange. A totally normal motion, but it seemed off in the light of her room.
“He’s just as smart as you said he was.”
Jemma nodded and looked down at the sheets, twisting them in her hands. “He is that.”
“He took care of you when you got back.”
It wasn’t a question. “He did. And I told him- everything, and he still got you.”
Will nodded. “I don’t know if I would have had that in me.”
Something twisted in her stomach. “We needed to get you away from there. I’m just sorry it hurt him to do it.”
“Yeah. You hurt him a lot, I’m sure.”
She winced. That was a rather blunt way of putting it, even for Will. “I know.”
“Was it worth it?”
She snapped to attention, looking at him in shock. “What kind of question is that?”
Will was calm. “I’m just asking. Was dragging my body back worth how much you hurt him?
Something hot and painful was coiling in her stomach. Because yes, it was. It had to be, didn’t it? On some basic level, they were SHIELD agents, and they’d had someone to rescue. There being a cost was never a deterrent. And yes, because she owed Will, and she loved Will, and he deserved to be here. But no, not all of her believed it was, because she knew she was supposed to protect Fitz. She was supposed to be the person he could count on to never hurt him or turn on him, and she couldn’t seem to stop doing it.
Will was just looking at her.
And the way he’d worded the question struck her.
“I don’t know what’s in your head right now,” she finally said, “but you deserve to be here, Will.”
He gave this odd, jerky nod. “I do.”
That wasn’t the response she’d been expecting.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs. She didn’t remember him ever sitting like that.
“Yeah,” he said. “Just trying to figure out whether I’m supposed to be next to you here, too.”
“Supposed,” she breathed. She gripped the sheets. “There’s no ‘supposed’ to anything. We get to decide what we want.”
He nodded, slow and steady but still a little jerky, somehow. “There’s a lot to do.”
He crossed his arms and slumped a bit. The slumping, she knew.
“You know, it’s weird,” he said. “I told Fitz that this must be hard for him. He said the important thing was getting me back. A bit of a strange parallel, isn’t it? I got you back to him. He got me back to you. Always about you, isn’t it?”
She gripped the sheets a little tighter. “I don’t understand what you’re saying,” she said.
Will shrugged. “Fitz seems to think you still want me, which is wild, since I always thought I came in second. A consolation prize, maybe. I got you home anyway. I thought you were gone, and I was alone again. I certainly didn’t expect you to be cruel enough to send a guy who loves you after me. What, were you not smart enough to do it by yourself?”
She was barely holding onto her composure. “Why are you saying these things?”
“We always have to have the truth, Jemma. You were selfish enough to keep running without me. Let’s not pretend I was anything more than a placeholder.”
She recoiled. “You were not a placeholder, for god’s sake. Stop being ridiculous.”
“Hey,” he said easily. “Break-ups are hard. Here you are, crying about it, when we both know you were going to end it the minute you thought I was stable.”
Her lips thinned. “You’re a lot of things right now. Stable isn’t one of them. This wasn’t a game, I didn’t have a plan, I hadn’t made some choice. All I have thought about is getting you home.”
He shrugged. “And here I am.”
“You should go,” she countered.
He stood up. He tilted his head at her in that odd way again.
“You’re still hope, you know,” he said. “Can’t forget that. He couldn’t.”
“Don’t act like you know Fitz,” she snapped.
“I’m not talking about Fitz.”
An awful headache was making itself known at her temples. “I don’t know what’s happening, Will.”
He slung his hands in his pockets and walked towards the door. He turned to look at her.
“I want you to be happy,” he said. His voice was soft. He sounded sincere.
It was such a jarring switch in tone that she barely believed it was happening.
“I’m glad you got back to Fitz,” Will said, “but you’ll still see me more than you’d like.”
He sighed heavily. “I need to go eat for days.”
And he left the room.