Work Text:
Day 1
Louanna, a week has passed since you fell asleep. Much has happened since then. I wish you were here… But I don't blame you at all, this is just another trial the world has thrown at us, and we’ll come out stronger than before. Though I don't know when you'll wake up, I imagine you will be very confused when you do. Don’t worry, I’ll record here every day that passes on without you. You won’t miss out on our precious Reinhard’s growth, no matter my subpar skills in this art. When you are freed from that awful disease and awaken, we will read and laugh together at my poor attempt at writing.
Thinking about the future like this gives me the strength to keep working hard. I can never thank you enough for coming into my life, so rest assured. We will be fine. You just dream of good things while we look for a way to heal you. Please wait for me, I swear I will save you.
XXX
Day 6
Louanna, yet another day has passed by without you. I thought I had come to accept it, but it appears that I have not matured enough. I long to see your gentle smile again. But alas, there is no point in ruminating.
So let me tell you what our boy has been up to. He’s truly special. Reinhard can speak clearer than other two-year-olds. Today he had a full conversation with me about flowers. Mother was so excited. She talked about them for hours and it seemed like he actually understood and remembered everything! Grandpa Grimm was delighted that his work was appreciated. The garden always looks beautiful thanks to him after all. Our son will grow up to be a smart boy, unlike me. You can rest easy knowing that.
I wish you could see the sparkle in his blue eyes. Sitting on his grandmother's lap, looking at flowers with his little giggles. Their matching red hair gleaming like flames, and their smiles as radiant as the sun. It was a precious scene.
I met a group of traveling healers, but they were unable to help you. I'll keep searching till the day I can save you, so sleep well.
XXX
Day 20
Louanna, today Reinhard decided to help Granny Carol in baking cookies, and the old couple ended up making such a fuss about it. Our son seems to have a talent for everything. He learnt it so quickly that there was nothing left for Granny to do. And the cookies? The best I’ve tasted in my life. Grandpa Grimm somehow managed to be loud even without a sound from his mouth while praising Reinhard, it was humorous.
In other news, I was assigned to take care of some troublesome bandits in the Lifaus plains, so I will be gone from home for a while. I feel at ease knowing the old couple and our son will be here to keep you company, but still, I would like to be beside you as much as possible. So I shall do my best to return early. Perhaps I'll find something related to your cure in a new place?
XXX
Day 67
Louanna, it's our son's birthday today. He's already three, can you believe it? I feel like it was only yesterday when we held his tiny body in our arms. I got him a quill that I bought off a merchant while traveling. He said he will treasure it with his life. Kids say some scary things, don't they? Father tried to gift him a wooden sword, but Mother scolded him and hid it away. It's always funny when they fight like this, but it worried me. I worry that Reinhard will have to face the pressure of mastering the sword at a tender age, because he will inherit the Divine Protection after me. Such is the plight of being an Astrea. But it is an object of pride as well, so I can't complain. I have to work even harder for Reinhard. To become a Sword Saint that he will be proud to call his father.
Mother and Grandpa Grimm made a flower wreath for him. We cut the cake Granny Carol baked later in the evening. It was nice. But we all missed your presence. It just didn't feel complete. So I hope you will be awake by the time his next birthday comes.
XXX
Day 138
Louanna, I chased after a thief that stole a precious ring from Viscount Greville today. We found the culprit hiding in the slums.
Reinhard was sleeping soundly by the time I returned, sandwiched between mother and father. How I wished to capture that scene in a painting. But since my skills in drawing are even worse than writing, I will leave it to your imagination.
XXX
Day 451
Louanna, I took Reinhard out to the fair. He looked so happy when I bought him sweets. But I admit, much to my shame, that I shed a few tears in your absence. You would have loved the travelling dance troupe’s performance. Reinhard noticed my sadness and asked me if I was alright. He is really mature for his age, never making a fuss about anything. Always considerate of others, just like you.
His training with the sword is going well, his talent is marvelous. More so than mine. I am so proud of him.
I hope you wake up soon, so that Reinhard can show off his skills to his mother.
XXX
Day 478
Louanna, I was appointed as the Vice commander of the Royal Guards. Everyone said I should be the one to do it, even though I can't fully agree because I am still lacking, I will do my best to stand up to their expectations. You always believed in me, after all. So I'll try to believe in the me you placed your faith in.
Reinhard congratulated me with flowers he picked from the garden. He's too cute.
XXX
Day 524
Louanna, I was assigned with the task to bring back Marcos into the knights. It was rough at first, but by some miracle, he agreed by the end of the day.
Reinhard's gotten strong, he's showing scarily amazing talents and traits. He even wanted to help me with work. He's still our sweet boy, though.
XXX
They called me, Louanna, they called me. asking me to lead the subjugation against the White Whale. Me, they want to send me. Out of all the people in this kingdom, they chose me. Father is busy searching for the lost Princess, what should I do? I can't do this, how can I? There are far more qualified people than me. Why me? My skills with the sword are nowhere near father's. Even Reinhard shows superior ability than I did when was his age. How can they expct me to cut down a beast that no one couldbeat in 400 years? Have they lost their minds?! Shit I can't do this, I have to find a cure for you, Reinhard is so small, I can't die, I don't want todie. Not yet please. Louanna, what do I do? Mother suggested to go jn my stead, but as a son how Can I let her? This accursed blessing that brings nothing but unattainable expectations and me who can't achieve a slngle noteworthy thing are just a burden to this family. Louanna would have already been healed if I were more competent if only there was someone else instead of me then none of this would be happening, I am sorry so sorryforgiveme that you have to bear this burden of a man
XXX
Day 787
Louanna, mother passed away. Father left the Astrea family after the funeral. I shouldn't have let her go. But I was too Reinhard was heartbroken but I did my best to console him. He received the Divine Protection of Sword Saint. It skipped a generation. Skipped me. But that's probably because Reinhard is more suited for it than me. Yeah, I wasn't that talented anyways. Sorry to betray your expectations, you always believed in me more than anyone. And yet…
Now it's just me, you, Reinhard, and Grandpa Grimm and Granny Carol. Still, we'll be fine. Don't worry.
XXX
Day 812
Louanna, Granny made appa pie today. It was delicious. Reinhard’s training is going amazing as always, he's such a fast learner. He's got a monstrous talent that's got every other parent envious. Even so, our boy is still a five-year-old, so I have to make sure he grows up well. He follows me around whenever I'm home, my heart swells from his cuteness. I don't know what he sees in me with those eyes that resemble yours, but he is quite attached. Maybe it's because I'm the only one left
I pray that you wake up soon.
XXX
Day 856
Louanna, I was busy with work today.
There's a healer who's being heralded as the Kingdom’s best, he might just be it. I can't help but hope.
XXX
Day 880
Louanna, I finally met the one who's been titled Blue. Garitch Fabless.
XXX
Day 883
Louanna, it appears the disease you have is so unique that even the Kingdom's best healer has no idea what to do. Out of all the illnesses you could get, you had to be afflicted with the most obscure one that has no cure. I can't do this shit anymore, how many days has it been? Ah 883, guess something good came out of this nonsense. 883 days of agony and still counting, what the hell am I supposed to do now? Is there even a point in it all?
XXX
Day 884
Louanna, I'm sorry I snapped last night and wrote some hurtful things in a fit of anger. It's not your fault. It's all mine, from the beginning, from my very birth, I am a failure who brought no value to this family of sword-swinging monsters. Please forgive my incapable self.
XXX
Day 900sometginh
Loanna I caught some banditstoday. They had the adacityto att ack our terriotory so i cvt them down
XXX
Day 1190
Louanna, I escrot escorted a royal family memeber to Flanders. They really have shiny hair.
XXX
Day 157o
Louanna, I lead a squadto beat some mabeasts, yhey were real nasty looking shits
XXX
Day 4fuckingyears
What the hell is wrong with you? WAKEUP, I'm sick of this shit already
XXX
Day 16823162b
Louanna, sorry aboutthe weird entries, I've just been very busy. I maymake some mistakes from exhaustion at times, forgive me.
XXX
Day 10 damn years
Guess what? Blue’s dead. Old man couldn't even heal his own wounds that quack coud never fix you. I'm the idot for hopiny
XXX
A rack of glass bottles roll over the floor. They clatter alone and clink when they collide, spilling noises into the empty room. Nay, calling it empty would be incorrect, for there on the bed lies a woman of indescribable beauty, her blonde hair splayed underneath her head like a blooming camellia. After the sun rises high and sets, the stars shine through the window, her slumber unending throughout the passage of time, seemingly forgotten by all. Except for him.
Heinkel stumbles in through the door, knocking off some bottles in his stride. He places his sword against the wall and drops his journal on the floor, slumping near the bed, near his wife. His youthful wife who never aged since that one day. Contrasting him with his skin loose and hair unkempt.
“Louanna…”
He won't let her be forgotten, he would call her name as many times as needed. He would lie about their perfect life outside her sleep to coax her into awakening. He would—
“Please wake up…”
—beg, spilling pathetic pleads and apologies for sins committed by his wretched self all in an attempt to wake the one person he loves, he would beg with all his might. He buries his face in his hands, unable to see her.
“I'm sorry, for being so useless. Nothing is left. My dreams, my family, my sword…” He looks at his empty palms, eyes glazed. “All gone. It's all gone, Louanna. I'm nothing like the man you loved anymore, but you're the same as always.”
His hand moved to brush his beloved’s face. Pulse weak but present, a silent whisper of the life inside her. He feels his eyes getting hot as tears roll down his flushed cheeks, throat tight with sobs that he fails to suppress. Yet another thing of shame to add into his never-ending list of accumulations, he can't even keep his emotions in check unlike the other people in his family.
“Wake up, please. You're my only hope in this shitty world. Mother's dead, Father's gone. Reinhard, gosh, Reinhard. I left him. All alone,” his head falls right beside her as he mumbles, “I hurt them so much. I'm sorry. I can't stop drinking till my head is spared from nasty thoughts. I'm so sorry. I can't find a way to wake you up, no matter which deity I pray to or artifact I unearth. I don't deserve to be vice commander, I'm nothing like my amazing parents and son. I'm sorry for lying about everything being alright in the diary. I should have gone to fight the whale. I'm a terrible son. I shouldn't have left Reinhard. I'm a horrible father. He’s your treasure and yet I treated him like shit. It's all my fault, I should have died instead, but can't leave you behind… not like… this. I love you. That'll never change. But I'm not sure if you'll feel… the same…”
Voicing his overflowing feelings into the air in a drunken daze, his consciousness slips away beside his wife once again tonight. There is no one to watch the scene unfold, to witness the breaking of a man so hated by others, that it may as well have never happened. For every other person, Heinkel Astrea is an alcoholic parasite. But in the confines of this room, he's just a man wallowing in misery.
In the days following, little has changed in the Astrea family, the members are still estranged from each other. Heinkel strides into his room with surety in his step before jotting down a few sentences in his journal. He slams it shut, leaving behind these words:
“Louanna, I'm joining a blazing woman to obtain the dragon's blood. This is going to be my final gamble.
Even if it costs my life, I swear I will save you.”