Chapter Text
Korra was just laying in bed. She was so tired. She knew she shouldn’t be mad. She knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and Asami should one hundred percent take it. She knew that. Then why did she feel so betrayed? “Because she just decided, that’s why” she mutters out loud to no one in particular. She lifts up her hand to look at the tattoo. “But I promised her forever.”
“I should call her.” She thinks while looking through the text Asami has been sending her during the past few days. “Or maybe just go see her.”
She gets up and heads to shower. The least she could do is be clean when she gets there after ignoring her girlfriend for three days. And not showering and barely getting out of bed. She waits till her hair dries. She spent the past three days just thinking about the options. Are they going to end up breaking up? “Spirits I hope not.” Should she tell her not to go? “I’m not that selfish.” Could she go with her? “I just got a promotion and now I’m resigning? She would never let me do that” Long distance? “While not ideal, might be the only option.” They could make it work. “We’ll make it work.”
After she sees that she is decent enough to go, she grabs her phone and keys and walks out of the apartment. While she is walking she keeps running scenarios in her head, how this might go down. Was Asami going to slam the door on her face? Was she going to be willing to talk, only for her to tell that they were done? Was she-
“Everyone get to the floor!” A yell comes from a nearby jewelry store. Korra’s eyes dart towards where the sound came from, and she sees it. “Red Lotus.”
The RCPD has been tracking this criminal organization for months. Korra being recently promoted to a detective on the case. They were on a jewelry robbery streak and the only thing ever left behind was a card with a drawing of a red lotus. They were like shadows. They disappeared as effectively as they appeared. No one ever saw them coming, nor did anyone see where they disappeared.
Korra took her phone out and called “Chief? It’s detective Caldwell.”
“Aren’t you off the clock, detective?”
“Yes. But I have eyes on robbery on Avatar square. Yue’s Diamond. I think it might be the Red Lotus.”
“We’ll be right there. And Caldwell?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t do anything rash.”
“Yes chief.”
She doesn’t do anything. For the first two minutes. She just watches and waits for back up. And then she doesn’t. She sees the robbers about to start to leave and she has to do something. Stupid or not. No bullet vest, no gun, no nothing. But she still steps in. She got into law enforcement so she could help people. How could she just stand there and do nothing. Especially since they have been after these guys for so long.
So she walks into the store and stalls them from leaving till she can hear the sirens. That’s when one of the robbers points his gun at the young man in the room. Not even a man, a teenage boy, there to buy earrings for his mother’s birthday. The gunman looks Korra in the eye. She recognizes those eyes. She doesn’t know, doesn’t remember where, but she knows them. Before she can think she is stepping aside, stepping between the gun and the boy, right as he pulls the trigger.
That is when the doors open and the police come swarming into the building. “Korra!” She can hear Mako’s voice yell as he sees her. Laying there, on the floor, in a quickly forming pool of her own blood. Chief Beifong looks at her for only a second as she commands the arrests to be made and pulls out her radio. “We need an ambulance in 15th in Avatar Square ASAP. 21-year-old female gun wound on lower abdomen. Fast.”
“As soon as the ambulance gets here I’ll call Asami.” Mako tells her.
“No.” Is all Korra manages at first. “No- she needs to go- The fire nation- Once in a lifetime- If she finds out-” coughing. “She wont leave me- Not if she finds out.”
“Korra she deserves to know.”
“Promise me.” She is starting to lose consciousness. “Promise me she won’t find out.”
“Okay. I wont tell her, but you need to stay with me. Korra, stay with me”
“Promise Mako.”
“I Promise.” Is the last thing she hears before everything goes black.
When she wakes up the first thing she can feel is warm hand on hers. Then comes the pain. Everywhere. She opens her eyes to see a Black short hair next to her in a chair, hunched over the bed. “Mak-” You try to say, but the word gets stuck on your throat. It’s enough to get his attention though. “You’re awake.” He says before getting up and walking towards the door, to tell the nurses Korra assumes. The ringing in her ears is making it hard to concentrate. Soon enough, there is a nurse walking into the room, soon followed by a doctor. She is offered a water cup with a straw, and she takes a sip without lifting a limb. “Thanks.”
“How are you feeling?” The doctor asks her.
Korra looks at him for a moment. Tries to remember why she was in the hospital in the first place, why wasn’t Asami there. And then it came rushing back to her. “Like I’ve been shot.”
“You were, weren’t you? Any pain?”
“Everywhere.” She answers before starting to pinpoint where the pain was really coming from. And then she can feel it… or not feel it. Anything. Her legs. Why can’t she feel her legs. “Till I don’t feel anything.” She mutters to herself more than to the doctor.
“That would be expected.”
“What exactly is wrong with me?”
“The bullet went through your abdomen penetrating your uterus, intestines and to your spine. You were lucky it just missed your abdominal aorta.”
“Okay.”
“With surgery we were able to stop the internal bleeding and remove damaged tissue. We were able to repair your intestines but had to remove your uterus to prevent bleeding and potential infection.” He stops to look at her attempting at a sympathetic smile before continuing: “We were able to stabilize your spine, but we can’t tell the full extent of the nerve damage yet. The fact that you can’t feel anything could be because of swelling around the injury, but I’m not going to lie to you: the chances of best-case scenario that this would be, are very slim.”
“Okay.” She is feeling dizzy. She looks towards Mako who is holding her hand again and he squeezes it. How she wishes it would be Asami instead of him, but she appreciates the fact that she doesn’t have to be alone for all this.
“I know this is lot to take in. I’m going to let you rest for now. I will be back to check on you later.”
The nurse asks her if she needs anything but Korra brushes him off. She thanks him and lets him know that in case she needed something she will let him know. He leaves the two alone in the room. Mako looks at her with a small, sad smile.
“Your parents are on their way.” he tells.
“Anyone else?”
“I didn’t tell Asami. I haven’t told anyone yet. I told Bolin we are stuck at work since the Red Lotus case has been solved, but you can’t hide this. They deserve to know.”
“Bolin can. Asami cannot.”
“Korra.”
“Bolin lives with us. I can’t hide…” Korra looks down at herself and sighs “this. Asami is leaving in a week. If she finds out she won’t. I don’t want her to lose the opportunity of a lifetime for me. She deserves to take this chance. I don’t want her to stay just for me.”
“She wouldn’t want you to make this decision for her.”
“And that is why she will not find out.”
He looks at you in the eye, but the sighs. “Okay then. You should rest. I’m going to call and let the chief know that you’re awake.”
“Thank you.” She yawns, eyes feeling heavy. She watches as Mako leaves the room to talk to the chief. It doesn’t take her long to drift away.
Next time she wakes up she can hear soft crying. Turning her head to the direction of the sound, she sees her parents. Her mother was crying and her father sitting next to her, holding his daughter’s hand. “Why do you look like I’m dead?”
Tonraq’s eyes dart towards her. Her mother’s tears slowing down. “Hey there princess”, is all he manages before swallowing a sob himself. Her giant of a man dad fighting his tears. “I’ve seen it all” is what she thinks. Senna only gets up and hugs her. “I’m fine, mom.”
But she wasn’t. She was far from okay. She just was the only one who hadn’t had enough time to grasp her mind around it. “When did you get here?”
“A few hours ago.” Tonraq answers her. “How do you feel?”
“Everything hurts.”
“Do you need us to go finds someone to give you pain meds?” Her mother asks.
“I-” A sigh. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt” (A.N. during editing: Pun not intended)
“I’ll be right back.” she kisses her forehead and walks to the hallway.
Something in the silence of the room makes her think. Her father’s hand holding hers. They had flown for 8 hours from the South Pole. That is what makes her see. This is bad. This is really bad. She could’ve died. She is 21 and she could’ve died. Youngest detective in the history of RCPD almost died as a civilian. During robbery. As a civilian. Her breathing speeds up. Her heart monitor starts to go haywire. “Dad-” she is gasping for air now.
“Korra. Hey, hey, I’m right here. Sweetheart breath. Look at me” Her gaze turns to look at her father and he smiles “Breath with me” The room starts to fill with hospital staff. “In and out. Good job. In and out.” While her father talks her out of it, a nurse works on her iv. Firstly Lorazepam to calm the panic followed by some type of pain relief. She doses off again.
She would like to say that it was the first and the last panic attack she had during her time in the hospital, but she would be lying.
She wakes up again the next morning. The worry on her parents’ eyes has not gone away, now accompanied by dark circles under their eyes. They notice she’s awake, but none of them says a word. Her mother smooths her hair while her father never lets go of the hand. Korra can take the silence for 10 minutes before she starts to wonder. “Where’s Mako?”
“Right. He stayed with you till we got here and said he had to go home, didn’t want to worry Bolin too much. He told us to let you know he will be back today after work. Chief Beifong would be dropping by with him.” Her father tells.
Then her parents share a look before her mother talks: “He also told us you didn’t want Asami to know about this.”
“Shit. Right. Asami.”
“I…” She takes a heavy sigh. “I still don’t.”
“Is everything okay with you two?”
“She needs to go.” Her parents shared another worried look. “She wouldn’t go if she knew. She deserves to go. I don’t want her to not live her life just because I…” She looks down at herself. “She deserves better than this.” She gestures down at her broken body.
“Sweetheart.” Senna’s voice breaks.
“Sometimes, if you love someone you should let them go.”
It was after 2 pm when Mako and Lin showed up. Korra was glad to see her friend and boss, but if she was honest she would rather be left alone. The chief asked a few questions related to the incident, and wished her a speedy recovery, while Mako stayed for a few hours, till he had to go home. Korra had to fight her parents to go get a hotel room for the night too. When she was finally alone, she could reflect on what this all really means.
She was hurt. Bad. She knew that. Her legs weren’t working, and as it turns out her bladder wasn’t either. She couldn’t control it. She was back to diapers the moment they would remove the catheter. It was starting to look more and more like full paraplegia and there was nothing she could do about it. She was tired when the doctor came in the first time to run down everything that they had done in the surgery. She was trying to remember everything he had told her. Her spine was the most obvious one, so she remembers that. The intestines? Korra wasn’t sure how that was going to affect her life. “Didn’t he say the bullet went through my uterus?” She wonders, till it hits her. “But had to remove your uterus.” She is still. She lets that memory sink in.
Doesn’t that mean she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant? She is 21. She hasn’t even had time to think about children yet and the option was taken away from her. Was she less of a woman now? This was surreal. To think she was mourning for something that never even happened. “This isn’t how things should’ve gone down. I was supposed to have another 5 or so years at least, before having to think about this. Were her thoughts while silent tears started rolling down her face. Her eyes wandered down to her hands. The Small A on her right ring finger was almost glowing to her consciousness. This was just another reason for her to never find out. This was another reason she deserved more than Korra could give her. Asami deserved a real woman. Not someone broken like she was.
How did one moment change her whole life from going to make it work with the woman she was sure was the love of her life, to where she was laying alone, crying in hospital bed, after she pushed everyone away.
The next few days went on a haze. Her parents would come back from the hotel, they would ask Korra how she was, if she needed anything or if she was tired. The normal worried parents. Korra shut down. The reality of her situation had started to sink in slowly. Gradually it had become stronger force and soon everything hit her like a tsunami to the shore. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to listen. She didn’t want to see anyone.
But when on her forth day in the hospital Bolin and Opal finally came to visit her with Mako, she didn’t send them away. She sat there quietly, listening Bolin tell her all she had missed at home during the last few days. She listened, but she didn’t interact. The only thing she did was make sure Bolin and Opal promised that they wouldn’t tell Asami.
It was her fifth night at the hospital when the first nightmare hit her. The nightmare that would haunt her dreams for years to come. The eyes under the shooters mask. The gun pointed at the boy in the shop. The bullet hitting her, waking her up screaming.
The shooter’s eyes were the most haunting part. She knew them from somewhere but couldn’t pinpoint them. Till she saw his mugshot. Zaheer. The same man who had tried to abduct Korra as a child. The same man who had turned Korra’s childhood from relatively normal to sheltered, since “If they try to abduct the chief’s niece once, why wouldn’t they try to do it again?” The man who had gotten away with his crime, to never be seen again.
Until now. Tonraq and Senna try to close the TV the moment news about the robbery turned into shooting came on, but Korra wouldn’t let them. Once the news broadcast ended, Korra opened her phone for the first time since the incident. She looked it up. There was a chance everyone would know what happened if her name or picture ended up to the public. “One civilian shot during robbery on Avatar Square”, was the first headline she found of the incident. Her parents again trying to stop her from worrying about the subject, but she was in it now.
There were no articles mentioning her name, her age, her picture. Not even the fact that she was an off-the-clock detective mentioned anywhere. All the articles were about a faceless, nameless hero, who risked her own life to save a teenage boy. To stop the robbers from leaving before the police got there. It hadn’t been confirmed, but speculations were there, that she was also the one who had called the cops in the first place. Someone (The chief) had made sure that she was allowed to stay anonymous. She should thank her for that.
Her doctor talks to her about recovery. She could use a strong support system. Both physical and mental recovery would take a lot of time and lots of effort. This would likely be the hardest period of her life. How she wanted to go was up to her.
She spent the next few days thinking about it. She would be released from the hospital in a few days, and she wasn’t sure what she wanted. Her mother offered to stay in Republic City with her for the time being, and Tenzin, once he visited, offered Korra to move back to live with him and his family, like she had as a teenager. Her old room was there for her. She just had to say the words.
“I want to come home.” It was the last thing her parents excepted her to say, the last night at the hospital.
“We’re happy to take you home princess, but are you sure?” Her father asks concern shading his voice.
“Asami’s left for the Fire Nation. She probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me after ghosting her anyways. It’s not like I can go back to my job, when I can’t physically do it. I have nothing left here.”
“What about your friends?” Senna asked.
“They have their own lives. They deserve to live them. Also I don’t know if I have it in me to watch from the side as Mako works the job I loved.”
“Are you sure?” Tonraq asks one more time.
“I’m sure.”
It took them another week to sort everything out for their departure. Bolin, Mako and Opal were at the airport sending them off.
“Now don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t wait for you to leave.” Bolin tells her at the airport gates.
Mako sighs. “How else is she supposed to take that but the wrong way?”
“I mean because I’ve never had a pen pal before! I’m going to write you so many letters, and just to get the ball rolling here”, he says pulling a letter from his pocket and handing it to Korra, “Spoiler alert. Pabu and I already miss you.”
She looks at the piece of paper in her hand. “Thanks, that’s sweet.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay here? Won’t you get lonely?” Opal asks, trying to hold her tears.
“I’m sure. I’ll have my family there. Just. Try to make sure these two idiots don’t get into too much trouble.” She says with a weak smile.
“Like I would get in trouble! It’s you and Bolin that usually cause problems.” Mako defends himself.
“And besides. I won’t be gone for too long. Just till I get my thoughts gathered.” Korra adds to Opal, who smiles at her through the tears.
“Now, don’t worry about a thing about when you will return. I will make sure there is a place for you to sleep, when ever the time comes.” Tenzin tells her walking to them alongside her parents. “Your recovery should be your number one concern.”
“We should get going.” Tonraq says.
As they turn to leave she can hear all her friends’ goodbyes and Bolin reminding her to write to him. As her mother pushes her towards the boarding, she wipes the small tear away before anyone can see it.
As she sleeps there, at her childhood bedroom the nightmares get worse. She barely sleeps. Most nights she’d just end up outside in her wheelchair looking at the sky. That is where her mother finds her that night.
“Can’t sleep again?” She asks, and Korra looks down, away from her. As she kneels down besides her daughter she continues: “Honey, your father and I have tried to give you as much space as you’ve needed, but we’re worried.” She tells her while stroking her hair. “You’re not sleeping. You’re barely eating. We don’t want to push you, but it’s been three weeks.” She tries to look into Korra’s eyes, but she doesn’t react. “Will you please go see the psychiatrist?”
Korra shuts her eyes for brief moment before answering: “All right. I’ll go.”
“You’re going to get through this.” Her mother answers and kisses her forehead. “I love you so much.”
She doesn’t answer but leans into her mother’s hug. Tears breaking out once again.