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Regret was a strange thing. You regretted a few things in your life, but you never thought that you’d regret being rescued from an island you’d been trapped on for weeks.
Except there it was, a tiny fissure in your happiness at being saved. As the helicopter landed, rescuers rushing out and towards where you and Billy were standing, you couldn’t help but wish they hadn’t come.
It was there and gone in an instant but you’d hold it for the rest of your life.
——
The plane was small but the pilot assured you that it was safe. You and Billy crawled in side by side, both checking the seat belts as you strapped in. The pilot coughed a few times as he got ready, checking the gauges as part of the pre-flight check list.
“So we’re getting you guys out to a wedding, huh?”
“Yeah. I’m a friend of the bride, he’s a friend of the groom. We’re in the wedding party.”
“Don’t think he wants our life story Y/N,” Billy snarked with an eye roll.
The pilot laughed it off and then pulled on his headset. It was going to be about two hours of flight to Karen and Frank’s destination wedding. You weren’t sure why they decided to get married on an island, but you were happy for them. Frank seemed to make Karen happy and that was all that you cared about.
How you got trapped for the entire excursion with Billy freakin’ Russo was another story. You had a theory that Karen was trying to set you two up but you hoped you were wrong. As much as you loved her, she was horrible when it came to playing cupid.
And it wasn’t like Billy would ever be interested in you that way.
The flight was going fine for the first hour until the sudden jolt of turbulence. As the plane jerked, you reached down and tried to clasp hold of the seat. Instead your hand went around Billy’s.
When you looked at him, ready to apologize or be made fun of, you saw that he was giving you a comforting look instead. As the plane jerked again, he flipped his hand and gripped yours tightly.
Just as you were trying to calm yourself down, all sorts of bells and whistles were going off. Billy called up to the pilot to see what was wrong, but the man ignored him. Instead he started to shout into the headset that he was wearing.
“Mayday, mayday,” he called out, followed by a bunch of information you didn’t understand. You didn’t need to know the rest because you knew what that first word meant.
The plane was going down. Billy reached under the seat and pulled out his bag. You were about to tell him there wasn’t any use grabbing his phone but you saw him pull out a knife instead. At your worried look, he shook his head and strapped it to his wrist.
“We’re going down into the water,” he yelled, face close to yours so that you could hear him. “We’re going down but we can survive this, okay? I’ve trained for stuff like this.” He leaned forward and yelled something to the pilot who nodded. “You gotta trust me, okay?”
You gave a nod and Billy wrapped an arm around your body, holding you close and pressing you into the seat. There was a moment, a brief flash of a second, where you were grateful to have him pressed against you. And then the world went dark.
——
The doctors were pleasantly surprised with how good your health was. Some dehydration, some malnutrition, but considering you were lost for four weeks, they were impressed. You explained that Billy took care of you and kept you safe.
“That makes sense,” one of the doctors said as she ticked off some information on your chart. “His numbers were pretty low so I guess he was more focused on your survival.”
That made you look at your hands. She gave your leg a quick pat before she looked back down at the chart.
“It says your arm was dislocated at some point. How’s that feeling?”
You rotated your shoulder and gave her a gentle nod.
“Billy popped it back in place. It happened in the wreck.”
“I’m sure it hurt,” she said softly, squeezing your hand before she stood back up, “but what he did saved you a lot of problems in the long run.”
Didn’t you know it.
——
Billy pulled you onto something that was floating. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness, stinging from the water, and realized it was a life boat. A laugh bubbled out of you as you got adjusted, the rubber squeaking under you.
“That’s helpful,” you said after you coughed up some water. He was rubbing your back, eyes scanning the area.
“Pilot showed me where it was before…”
You looked around and realized that the pilot wasn’t in sight. He gestured over to where bits and pieces of the plane were floating, but the majority was out of view. It had come apart as it impacted the water. You took that to mean that the pilot didn’t survive.
“Billy,” you said, panic creeping into your voice as you looked around. The only light was coming from the moon and while your eyes had adjusted and you could see him fairly clearly, you also couldn’t see anything else. Nothing on the horizon in any direction. “What… what are we going to do?”
“The pilot sent out the distress signal before we crashed. We just have to hope that it was picked up before it went down,” he said as he looked over to the water around you both.
There was something attached to the edge of the raft. You hadn’t seen one in action, but you knew the raft was connected to the box because it was supposed to have survival items in it. You leaned forward to look at it but winced, crying out as your arm jerked.
“Shit, you must have dislocated it in the crash.” Billy moved around on the raft, rocking it back and forth, until he was next to you. He put his hands on your arm and felt around, nodding once he was sure it was dislocated. “I can pop it back in place but it’s going to hurt.”
“It already hurts,” you said through clenched teeth.
He gave you a nod and then told you to close your eyes. You did and took a deep breath.
“On the count of three. One,” and then there was a pop and a rush of pain as the arm went back into the socket.
You gagged a bit from the pain and then leaned back to catch your breath. “Thank you,” you whispered, about your arm and the plane and the fact that he was there. He nodded and ran a hand through his hair.
He sat down and then looked over the edge of the raft. He let out a laugh and reached down into the water, pulling something up. It took you a minute to realize what it was.
It was his bag. You started to laugh, a hysterical sound that you swallowed immediately. Yours was probably on the bottom of the ocean.
Along with your maid of honor dress. Which cost half a paycheck.
Damn.
——
Karen was crying as she came into the room. Frank was behind her, eyes red as well. She curled onto the bed around you, gripping you tight. You ran your fingers through her hair and met Frank’s eyes, giving him a smile as he shook his head.
“She’s been doing that since we got word that the plane went down,” he said as he leaned against the wall.
“Don’t act like you’re immune you big softie,” she shot back as she sat up, wiping at her eyes and turning to look at him. “He cried too. Kept saying it was his fault for making you and Billy fly together.”
“No witnesses, no proof,” he said as he came over. He leaned down to kiss your cheek and then squeezed your forearm. “How are you feeling Y/N?”
“Like I was stuck on an island for four weeks. What about you two? Did we miss the wedding?”
Karen slapped your arm and then immediately apologized when you winced.
“Of course we didn’t get married. Knowing you two were lost out there? It wouldn’t have felt right.”
“Well at least you don’t have to find a new best man or maid of honor,” you tried to joke, but just the words made Karen start crying again.
“Yeah,” Frank said as you looked at where Karen was hugging you once more, “you should probably get used to that.”
——
“Y/N? Wake up,” Billy said softly, shaking your good arm. You blinked up at him, eyes heavy from exhaustion and pain. He gestured over his shoulder with a smile. “Land.”
You sat up with some help and saw an island. The problem was that you could literally see the entire island and you were fairly close to it. That meant it wasn’t big enough for any sort of civilization, but it was land.
Between the two of you, with you using your good arm, you were able to slowly paddle close enough for him to get out and drag the raft the rest of the way. Once there, you got out as well and helped him drag the raft onto the sand.
The island was a little bigger now that you were on it, but it was still small enough you were sure you weren’t saved just yet. He knelt down next to his bag and then pulled on the box that was latched to the raft. It was made out of a buoyant plastic which is why it didn’t weight the raft down, but it was heavier than it looked. He cracked it open and sorted through the things inside.
You’d only been floating for a day and a half so you guys had done well to ration the food that was inside. He pulled out a protein bar and handed it to you. There wasn’t any fresh water, but now that you were on land, water could be boiled.
“I wish there was a weapon of some sort in here,” he said as he sat up, checking where the knife was still strapped to his wrist.
“Think we’re going to run into some hostile locals?” You said it as a joke but the look he gave you made you snap your mouth shut.
“I was thinking more about hostile local creatures, but sure,” he said as he stood up. He looked around at the beach and then started in one direction.
He looked over his shoulder at you and then jerked his head.
“Come on, I’m not letting you out of my sight until I know what we’re working with here.”
Slowly you headed towards him, nibbling on the protein bar he had given you as you both explored the island.
——
Your family had been as tearful as Karen at your rescue. They spent more time in your hospital room than you did. At some point you had begged your doctors to ask them to leave for a while just so that you could get some rest.
You loved your family and had missed them but there was only so much you could take.
As the night fell, you were sitting on the bench next to your window and staring out at the lights. Everything was so much brighter and louder than you remembered it. Even from the fifth floor of the hospital you could hear the noise of the world outside.
“Can’t sleep?”
With a jump you turned and saw Billy leaning against your door. He was wearing sweats and a pair of hospital slippers that made you smile. You gave him a gentle nod before you turned back to look out the window.
“Is it louder for you?”
“Is what louder?” He moved over to stand behind you, looking down at the city with you.
You sighed and looked up at his reflection in the window.
“The world,” you whispered as you met his gaze in the glass. His head tilted a bit and you shrugged your shoulder as you looked back down towards the street. “The world is louder.”
“We were just out of the world for a bit,” he said as he raised a hand, letting it hover over you shoulder for a moment. “World hasn’t changed; we have.”
Without touching you at all, he lowered his hand and then slowly turned to leave. He was at the door when he turned back to look at you, frowning a bit.
“Try to sleep Y/N. We don’t have to be on alert here.”
With that, he was gone. You sighed and rested your forehead against the window.
Not on alert, you reminded yourself. You could rest now.
——
The island was large enough that it provided different plants for eating. Fruits and some vegetables, a few of which Billy actually recognized, as well as some birds and obviously fish. Thankfully neither you or Billy had any allergies because there were no epi-pens in the survival kit.
There were matches and a few more rations as well as a rudimentary first aid kit. Billy hazard a guess that it hadn’t been touched in a while. The pilot must not have ever thought it’d be used.
The first few nights were difficult because it required constant vigilance. Billy had constructed a rough camp site, having you help him flip the raft over and then lifting it onto some large branches he had set up. It created some shelter under the raft, protected from the elements. There wasn’t much to do regarding a pillow or blanket, but it wasn’t too cold.
He had constructed the shelter a ways into the island, trees surrounding it, but close enough to the water in case help did come.
Over the days, he kept both of you busy. He had you collecting things that could be useful; from food to things he could use to make the shelter more comfortable, you were moving around the island on your own without a problem. He found rocks that were sharp enough to use to cut and carve, keeping his knife for food purposes mostly.
You’d never been big on fish before and this trip wasn’t making that any easier, but it was better than waiting for him to hunt the birds that called the island home.
You kept track of the days on the island by making notches in a piece of driftwood and on the sixth day, you realized you and Billy barely spoke to each other.
“What do you miss the most about civilization?”
Billy looked over at you and you shrugged, wincing when it twinged your arm. He moved over and started to rub your shoulder, checking to make sure that the joint was sitting correctly.
“We never talk,” you said softly, voice a little desperate.
He sighed and rubbed your arm a bit more before he sat down beside you. The fire was roaring happily in front of you and he put a few more sticks on it.
“I miss my bed,” he said as he leaned back on one arm. He looked over to where the shelter was and then looked at you with a grin. “Not that you’re bad company,” he added with a wink.
Because the raft was only so big, the two of you had taken to sleeping fairly close together. You didn’t mind and you knew it was a necessity, so you didn’t take his flirting too seriously.
“What about you? What do you miss?”
You thought about it, leaning to the side a bit until your arm was pressed along his. You missed a lot of things, a lot of people, but right then you couldn’t think of one.
“My bed I guess,” you said, feeling your face heat from the embarrassment of having to tag on to his answer. Hopefully he couldn’t tell that you only said that because you honestly couldn’t remember a single thing in your life that you wanted more than just a few more moments with him.
It was pitiful and you hated yourself a little, but the way he laughed and leaned into you made it worth it.
——
“I don’t know about this,” Karen said as you zipped up your bag. “You’ve only been back for a few days.”
You looked around the hospital room to make sure you had everything.
“I can’t stay here forever Karen,” you complained as you nodded and hefted the bag over your shoulder. “Billy got to leave already and he was worse off than me.”
“Yeah, well he also left against medical advice,” she replied as she held the door open. “But seriously Y/N, why don’t you want to go home?”
You had told her that you wanted to leave but not go back to the city. Instead you had made plans to stay in a little cottage on the beach. You hadn’t told her that of course. No, you just told her that you were going away for a little while.
“I just need some space,” you said as you both got into the elevator. “I’ll still be reachable by phone. I’ll only be a few hours away. I just need,” you began and then sighed as you closed your eyes, “I need to adjust.”
Karen squeezed your fingers and nodded. You knew she didn’t understand it but you also knew she would support you in it.
You needed to adjust to being home, being safe. You needed to adjust to not having Billy at your fingertips anymore.
It was hard to remember that the island wasn’t real life.
——
Rain poured down around hard, lightning and thunder shaking the area. Billy had done a lot of work on the shelter in the last two weeks. Large palm leaves overlapped and supported by branches made up walls, the raft still being the roof. The rain hitting the rubber made a strange noise, but you had adjusted to it pretty quickly.
You were sitting your side pressed to Billy, backs against the tree that the shelter was backed against. He had raised the area, created a drainage system so that you weren’t sitting in water.
You’d teased him about nesting but right then you were grateful.
“I spy,” you began, earning a laugh from Billy. You sighed and rested your head against his shoulder. “How long do we hold out hope for being rescued?”
“What are you talking about?”
You sat up and looked at Billy, the lightning lighting up the area and giving you a glimpse of the confusion on his face. You shook your head and wrapped your arms around your legs.
“We’ve been here for three weeks Billy. In that time, have you heard one plane? Seen a boat in the distance?” At his careful shake of his head, you nodded and rested your chin on your knees. “We’re going to die on this island with just each other for company.”
He opened his mouth but then shut it. He was a Marine and you knew that he could probably survive on this island for a long time. You were raised in the city and camping involved an air mattress. He was pulling his weight, more than, and you were just hoping he didn’t notice that you sometimes watched him when he took his shirt off.
Both of you had been wearing the clothes from his bag, t-shirts and button downs. You were wearing one of his button downs currently, plus the pants you’d been wearing when the plane crashed. The number of dreams you’d had of wearing his clothes had never included being stranded on an island.
“If we die here, it won’t be because we gave up.” His voice was soft, almost being drowned out by the thunder. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you into his chest. “We’ll die because of stupidity or lack of proper medical supplies or lack of food or old age, but not because we gave up.”
You smiled because it was so like him to be both grim and optimistic at the same time. As the storm raged on, you leaned into his hold a bit more and closed your eyes.
“We won’t give up,” you promised, voice shaking as you did.
He’d hold you to that.
——
The cottage was small but had all the modern amenities that you were no longer used to. You ran your fingers over the couch and then the counters, counted the plates and bowls and cups before you sat down in one of the chairs in the kitchen.
A clock somewhere in the room was ticking quietly and you closed your eyes, focusing on the noise. Outside you could just barely hear the waves of the ocean so you stood up and moved towards the living room. It faced the water so you opened the door and stepped onto the porch.
After a month on an island, the beach is the last place you should want to be, but you needed it. You’d barely slept since you were on the island.
Being back in the real world for almost three weeks had been a culture shock. If the doctors noticed that you weren’t sleeping, they didn’t say anything. If Karen or Frank or your family realized that you were more withdrawn, they didn’t say anything.
Your phone dinged in your pocket and you pulled it out with a laugh. Half expecting a text from Karen asking if you’d made it wherever you were going, you were surprised to see a text from Billy instead.
Karen said you left. Everything okay?
You sat down on the steps of the porch and looked at the water, watching the waves break against the shore. You looked down at the phone and stared at the words for a moment before you hesitantly typed out a response.
I meant what I said on the beach. It wasn’t because you were there, it wasn’t just because I was grateful for you taking care of me. I’ve felt this way for a long time.
And then quickly before he could have time to respond:
But we’re not on the beach anymore. So I want to figure that out before things get weirder.
Then you turned the ringer off. You didn’t turn the phone off because you weren’t that dramatic, but you did flip it over so that you wouldn’t see it go off. With a sigh, you wrapped your arms around yourself and headed into the sand, moving until your toes brushed the edge of the waves.
It’d been a long time since you’d cried.
——
Billy was running. It was one of his favorite past-times now. You were braiding strips from the trees, making them tight enough to be used for rope, and he was running. You watched as he made a second lap around the island and you shook your head.
“Shouldn’t you be reserving your energy?”
He came to a halt next to you, dropping beside you in the sand. The water was only a few feet away, slowly getting higher up the beach. Soon you’d have to pack up and move more inland, but for now you were fine.
“Reserve my energy for what?” He gave you a smirk, raising an eyebrow. When you didn’t even bat an eyelash, he laughed and bumped his shoulder into yours. “It’s not fun when you don’t react to my flirting.”
“If I thought you meant it, I’d be over the moon,” you said in your most deadpan voice, hoping he couldn’t hear the honesty in it.
He laughed and stood up, stretching a bit. He walked over to one of the large rocks that were scattered around the island and grabbed his shirt. He pulled it on and rolled his head a few times before he looked back at you.
“The Marines rewired my brain. I don’t like being still.” He rubbed his hands through his hair, scratching his fingers through his beard and then looked at you.
He looked curious. You knew from experience by now that he did a lot of thinking on his runs. He always came back with a new question, some silly and some serious. The good thing was that you two were learning a lot about each other on this island.
“Frank asked me to join you on that flight last minute. Who were you going to fly with?”
You blinked a few times because you weren’t expecting that.
“Uh, well no one really? I was going to fly down by myself but after about three weeks of my continued panicking, I guess Frank thought I’d do better with someone else on the flight with me. And I’m grateful because otherwise, I’d be…”
You looked out at the water and shook your head, not wanting to say it. You looked back up at Billy as he approached, dropping down to his knees in the sand next to you.
“I thought Frank was messing with me,” he said softly, eyes intent on your face. You felt your chest tighten as you tried to unravel what he might mean about that. “You know, I’ve wondered what it’d be like to kiss you.”
The two sentences made your head spin. Him changing subjects like that, plus the subject that her went to, threw you off balance. But he was leaning in towards you and you felt your breathing coming out faster.
“Billy,” you whispered right before his lips pressed against yours. You moved into the kiss, one hand coming up to his cheek, but then you pulled back with a shake of your head. “This isn’t how it was supposed to go. You only want me because it’s been a month and I’m the only one here on the island with you.”
“Y/N,” he said with a smile, but you stood up and took a few steps away. He stood up as well and repeated your name, a little more unsure this time. “Y/N?”
“I didn’t want to love you forever, but what choice do I have now? This island is our forever so how am I supposed to get over you?”
His eyes grew wide and he took another step forward, but you turned away. As you wiped your tears away, you thought you heard… no, you definitely heard it.
You spun around and Billy was looking to the sky so you knew you weren’t alone. From the distance you could hear the whirring noise as a helicopter approached.
It flew over twice as you both flagged it down. As it circled to find a way to land, you found yourself looking over at Billy. He was looking at you, eyes unreadable even as close as the two of you were.
“We’re going home,” he said softly.
You nodded and turned to watch the helicopter land. As the rescuers piled out of the machine and started towards you, you took a deep breath.
“Home,” you whispered as you tried not to look in the distance where a raft and some palm leaves stood. “Home.”
——
The sun was glinting against the water and you sighed as you tugged on a light sweater. You’d been at the cottage for a few days now but you weren’t in any rush to get home.
You talked to Karen and Frank, told your folks that you’d be home soon, but you hadn’t decided when soon was yet. After your message to Billy, you hadn’t heard back from him. He never responded. If there was anything that told you that he wasn’t interested, that was it.
You stepped off of the porch and made your way back towards the water. The sand was cool under your bare feet and you smiled as you closed your eyes, listening to the waves and the seagulls calling above you.
Before that fateful trip, you’d never been big on the beach. Now you couldn’t imagine somewhere you’d be happier. It was sad and you hated it, but falling in love with Billy on that island had been the best thing that had happened to you.
“You were supposed to be alone on that trip.”
You jerked to attention, spinning around until you saw him. Billy was walking towards you in the sand. You knew it wasn’t a hallucination because he had shaved and in your dreams, he always looked the same as the last day on the island.
He stopped when he was a few feet away from you and you were jarred out of your staring when you remembered that he had said something. You recalled the words and then gave a hesitant nod.
“Frank asked you to join me because I was scared,” you said with a shake of your head. “What are you doing here?”
“You were supposed to be alone,” he repeated. When you opened your mouth to agree once more, he stepped forward and grabbed your arms gently. “You would have been alone.”
“Oh, yes,” you said softly as his words penetrated the fog. “If you weren’t there, I wouldn’t… I did thank you for saving my life, didn’t I?” You said it with a laugh, trying to dispel some of the awkwardness, but he shook his head.
“You think I want your gratitude? It was something I thought about every night on that island and then when you confirmed it…”
You had confirmed it and then he had kissed you. You shook your head, looking away, but his hand was there to tilt your face back up.
“I thought Frank was messing with me,” he said, repeating what he had said on the island. His fingers drifted up and gently brushed your lips, his eyes darting from them to your eyes. “I’ve wondered what it’d be like to kiss you long before that plane crashed in the ocean.”
“Oh,” you breathed, chest expanding and then constricting immediately after. You weren’t prepared for that. “Oh,” you repeated as he stepped closer, his other arm going around your waist.
“This beach is our forever,” he whispered, bending his forehead to rest against yours. He breathed in and out a few times before he leaned back to meet your eyes again. “I don’t want you to get over me.”
“No chance of that,” you laughed, heart beating faster. He smiled and then leaned in, barely brushing his lips against yours.
The kiss that followed was perfect. This kiss was on a different beach in a different part of the world, but it was the one that both of you deserved. This kiss wasn’t on an island where you both were worried you’d never survive. This kiss was on the beach while both of you made plans for the future.
Like he said, this beach is your forever, not that island. That island was just the beginning of something a lot bigger.