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“Hey time buddy,” Gabbro said, lowering the flute as Auri reached their hammock. “Rough loop last time?”
“What makes you think that?” Was Auri really that obvious?
“Well, first off, you only get here this early in the loop if you’re in a rush which you only do when you had a rough time last loop. Also, you drag your feet when you’re upset.”
Okay, so Auri was indeed that obvious. They had indeed rushed to get here, eager for Gabbro’s comforting confidence. The dragging their feet was news to them though. Maybe they should try to stop… Or probably it didn’t matter because who cared? “Yeah, uh… you got me. I had a rough loop last time.”
Gabbro pushed themself to the side, making room on the hammock next to them. “C’mon on then.” They patted it.
Having come here for this exact purpose a few times now, Auri hadn’t bothered putting any of their equipment other than the space suit on. Meaning they didn’t have to bother taking anything off and could just roll into the hammock.
The silence held for a few seconds as they settled in before Gabbro broke it. “Wanna talk ‘bout it?”
“Uh… remember the dam in the Stranger and how it breaks and makes a big tidal wave or whatever? I wasn’t as careful about it as I should’ve been and ended up falling in when my raft got hit. The current wedged me between some underwater rocks and what was left of one of the buildings, I think. The impact busted up the jet pack so I was stuck. I took off the helmet to die faster. Drowning isn’t the worst way to die but it’s… not fun.”
“Yeah, drowning sucks.” Gabbro spoke as if they knew what they were talking about.
“You’ve drowned before?”
“Once, yeah. Hard not to when stuck on a water planet for however long the loops have been going on for by now, right? It indeed wasn’t fun.”
If not for Gabbro remembering the loops and thus understanding what it was like to some extent at least, Auri would’ve lost their mind long ago. Relative to their sense of time, how long had they been living like this? Well, the loops lasted three day and they’d been through a lot of them so… a long time. Too long.
Auri sighed. “What about you? You do anything interesting last loop?” Probably not but it didn’t hurt to change the topic to something that wasn’t drowning.
“Hmm, sorta. I spent most of it on the radio with Chert. I managed to distract them enough that they didn’t figure out that the universe was ending. I couldn’t exactly keep the sun’s impending demise from them for obvious reasons but, you know, one can only do so much.”
“We should probably do that more often.” Auri did that occasionally too. But alas, being enough of a bother to keep Chert from their observations took so much work. Chert didn’t ever want to be distracted, always fighting the whole way. And preventing their despair spiral never stuck because the next loop was always just around the corner, ready to reset them back into the start of it.
Gabbro hummed an affirmative before lifting the flute to resume playing. It was their new song, the one they’d been working on last time Auri had been here, meaning perhaps that it was done. How they kept the notes straight in their head when they couldn’t write them down for long was a mystery. Like most of their music, it had a haunting melody. How much that was them preferring that vibe versus just the flute being good for that type of music was hard to say. Probably a little bit of both.
Auri lay there for a while, not thinking, just listening. With Gabbro’s help they’d gotten good at that. Something always intruded eventually though. This time it was the press of Gabbro’s shoulder against their own. It was comforting, lying with them like this always was. But well… they weren’t actually touching, were they? It was their suits pressed against each other. Designed to protect against the void of space, they were thick and bulky, making them a barrier.
When was the last time Auri had had scale to scale contact with another person? … They wore the suit for most of every loop. Did they ever even take it all the way off once they had it on? Not that they could remember. Had they touched anyone during their loop spent entirely on Timber Hearth? That had been a while ago so their memory of it wasn’t entirely clear but they didn’t think so. Meaning they probably hadn’t had real proper contact since before the loop started.
For a while, the suit to suit contact with Gabbro had been enough. Thinking about it though made the barrier their suits created between them too thick. They weren’t really touching. Instead, they were both trapped in their own tiny space, unable to truly touch the world around them let alone each other.
Auri had long since grown used to the suit, for what it was it wasn’t too uncomfortable. Suddenly though it was like the first time they’d put it on for practice; heavy and claustrophobic. They could feel every inch of it encasing their entire body.
Trying to keep their breathing even, they shifted and reached up for the helmet, fumbling for the release. … They shouldn’t though, not yet. A cyclone would be here soon to toss the whole island up. They’d suffocate without the helmet. Forcing their hands back down, they folded them over their abdomen and focused on their breathing and the sound of Gabbro’s flute.
As if summoned by the remembrance of it, a cyclone’s roar grew louder as it approached. Soon it drowned out Gabbro’s playing. Ready for it, Auri grasped the side of the hammock with one hand and hooked their other arm through Gabbro’s. Just because Gabbro was chill with freely floating and just trusting they’d land safely back in the hammock didn’t mean Auri was. Gabbro let them, lowering the flute right before the island spun and tossed them up.
Up here, there wasn’t enough atmosphere to carry sound. The only thing Auri could hear was their own breathing, still too close to panicky for comfort. What was wrong with them? Freaking out because they hadn’t touched anything with their bare hands in a while? … More like any one . Even so, it was a stupid thing to get upset about when they were touching Gabbro right now even if it was through two layers of space suit and padding material. They were emotionally fragile though so… maybe it made sense. The dying over and over again thing was fucking them up so they were getting upset over dumb stuff.
Luckily being annoyed with themself for being dumb was enough to push away the rest of the near panic by the time they were falling back towards Giant’s Deep. The fall didn’t help but they were used to it by now and were able to remain calm enough to let go of the hammock a handful of seconds before the heavy landing would’ve likely broken their arm for the trouble.
Despite having gotten past their near panic, as soon as the island was settled back in the ocean, Auri still sat up. No longer as desperate for it, finding the latch to release their helmet was much easier. They twisted it off, freeing their head at least.
The air was wet and heavy with the smell of salt. Almost as if there wasn’t any difference between the ocean and the air above it. After having drowned last loop, the flood of water into their lungs still a vivid memory, it was almost too much. It was just humid air though, not water. Thanks to the trees planted here for this exact purpose, they could breath. They weren’t drowning. Everything was fine.
“Auri, pal, you with me?” Gabbro had sat up next to them. Their tone indicated that that wasn’t the first thing they’d said to Auri.
“Yeah, yeah, just… sorry. I’m dumb.” First they’d freaked out about the suit and then the damn humidity. They were pathetic.
“Don’t say that about yourself.”
Auri would rather not argue and reveal what they were being dumb about, it was too embarrassing so they let it go. Instead they took deep soothing breaths like Gabbro had taught them to. The salt in the air burned the back of their throat and made their eyes sting but it was still a soothing practice that chased away the tremor in their hands.
“What’s wrong?” Gabbro’s tone didn’t demand an answer. If Auri remained silent, they wouldn’t press, they never did. They were great like that.
Averting their gaze, Auri locked onto one of the trees instead. They needed off this planet and to able to touch Gabbro for real. Or no, not ‘need’ they were just being dumb and pathetic. But doing it just once should help, right? Make their newfound realization about how long it had been feel less daunting. “Have you ever um… thought about packing up the hammock and going somewhere else with it?”
“Hmm… a few times, yeah. Never bothered though, it’d be too much trouble to locate my ship and drag the hammock all way to it.”
“We could use my ship.”
“Guess we could, yeah. Where would we take it?”
“Uh… home maybe? Somewhere we could set it up and then uh… lie in it after taking off the suits. Since you know, here, the whole cyclone thing means we gotta wear them or we’ll die when we get tossed up.” Also, even if the air was breathable thanks to the trees, it wasn’t pleasant. Case in point being the fact that were already ready to put the helmet back on to escape the salty burn of it. “I think that that would be uh… more comfortable, right?”
Gabbro was silent for a few seconds during which Auri didn’t dare look at them. “Ah, I see. Okay, sure, sounds fun. Let’s do it.” Not even asking ‘why’. Just ‘let’s do it’. It really was that easy. … Maybe Gabbro was missing real physical contact too. Nah, probably not; they were too cool for that.
Auri stood. They still couldn’t bring themself to look at Gabbro though, not with their helmet off, revealing whatever kind of expression they were making. “I’ll go uh… make sure my ship wasn’t too damaged in the fall.”
“Cool. I’ll pull down the hammock then.”
***
“Do you really have to turn off the gravity crystal every time I take you anywhere?” Auri’s awkwardness was gone, wiped away by the fact that their ship was their domain. They were called the shots here… most of them anyway.
“It’s more fun to float around back here.” That was the perk of being a passenger. Gabbro could just float in the back while Auri did all the hard work of piloting the ship.
“Sure but it’s more dangerous.”
True. While the ship was moving, not being buckled in was a risk, freely floating even more so. “It’ll be fine. Your Outer Wilds Ventures’ best pilot. I trust you to keep me safe.” And even if they failed, it would be fine because of the time loop. Mentioning that would upset Auri though and they were having a hard enough time already.
This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation, they had some version of it almost every time Auri convinced Gabbro to get into the ship to go somewhere with them. Despite that Auri still hesitated before answering. “Feldspar’s still probably better than me.”
Gabbro wasn’t sure about that. The loop was giving Auri a lot of practice while Feldspar stayed at the same level. “You should try to manually land on the Sun Station sometime. I bet you could do it.”
“Uh… huh? Hmm… maybe I could try that sometime.” Auri actually sounded like they were considering it. Gabbro had meant it as a way to fully shift the conversation away from turning the power to the gravity crystal back on. Mission successful but if Auri could manage that, it would indeed prove them to be the best pilot in the solar system. Gabbro would root for them if they really did go for it.
Argument about the gravity crystal won this round, Gabbro lifted the flute to their helmet’s aperture to start playing. Cutting off further chance of argument and giving Auri some nice background music. They chose a spacey tune to honor the fact that they were hurtling through the empty void of space between Giant’s Deep and home.
Their helmet had been altered, inside and out, to allow them to play the flute without compromising the helmet’s seal. At first it had been awkward, requiring them to learn new breathing techniques for it because they weren’t blowing into the instrument anymore but a device that translated their input to tell the outside part of the device how to blow air. Now though… did they even remember how to play normally?
They’d been on Timber Hearth a few days before the loop started. Their memory of it was foggy at best but they’d almost certainly spent at least some of their pre-launch time at the Quantum Grove, relaxing with the flute. That would’ve been the last time, right? Last time playing the flute normally. Last time on their home planet. Last time not at least partially wrapped up in the space suit.
The mission to Giant’s Deep was supposed to last a couple weeks. They’d been prepared for a long mission, had looked forward to it in fact. That was within the range of how long hearthians could bear solitude before going crazy. But relative to their sense of time, it had been much, much longer than that. If Auri hadn’t come along early on with news that they experienced the loops too, they’d have had a much worse time of it. They’d still have had the radio in that scenario but how much would it have helped when no one else remembered?
Luckily that hadn’t happened and dwelling on ‘what if’s, past or future never did anyone any good. On the other hand though, even if it was far from as bad as it could’ve been, it had been a long time for a lot of things.
“You okay?” Auri asked from the front, trying and failing to twist in buckles to look back at them. Gabbro’s music had faltered to silence at some point, drawing their attention and concern. Oops.
“Yeah, just thinking thoughts. Let me know when we’re close, huh? Also, if I could make a request, land us in or at least near the Quantum Grove. It’s been a while since I last saw it.” Gabbro needed this maybe almost as much as Auri did. How had they not noticed that within themself before? … Maybe they weren’t quite as in tune with their emotions as they’d thought. In their defense, the psychological effects of being stuck in a three day time loop that ended with the sun going supernova weren’t well studied. The two of them were test subjects in that regard and so far the results weren’t looking like time loops made for a good form of therapy.
“Sure thing.”
Gabbro lifted the flute back to their helmet’s mouth piece to resume playing. No more thinking. Just music and floating until they were home.
~
Stepping out from under Auri’s ship and into the Quantum Grove felt almost like walking into a dream. The pine trees extended much higher than the trees of Giant’s Deep. Seemingly taller than Gabbro remembered but that couldn’t be the case, it had just been too long. The canopy they created, coupled with the cliff’s shadow blanketed the grove in a lovely shade. The sun was visible overhead, still big and bright. It looked different than it did when viewing it from space or the upper limits of Giant’s Deep’s atmosphere. How had Gabbro never noticed that before? Or had they and had just forgotten it?
A relieved sigh drew Gabbro’s gaze back down. Auri had freed themself of their space suit, leaving it puddled around their feet. That was fast. It had seemed to have been bothering them though and was what they were here for. Gabbro should follow suit.
First the helmet. They popped the seal and pulled it off, intending to place it to the side immediately but instead froze as soon as it was clear of here head. Timber Hearth’s air was fresh and light, suffused with the scent of pine trees. Not even a hint of salt or dampness. It really had been way, way too long since Gabbro had last been here. Not that Giant’s Deep was bad, it had its own charms, but there really was no place like home, huh?
Shaking off the shock of the fresh air, they lowered their helmet to the ground by its antennae before setting to removing the rest of the suit. Unlike Auri, they started the loop in the suit and taking it all the way off wasn’t really an option on Giant’s Deep. It was harder to take off than they remembered it being. With a bit of work though, they managed to free themself of it.
Stepping back, they put a hand against the ship’s nose to steady themself. They were so light, almost as if they were about to float off. It was just a perceptual illusion based off their being accustomed to only experiencing Giant’s Deep’s stronger gravity or the weightlessness of space, with nothing in between, but it was still a strange sensation.
Looking back up, their gaze locked with Auri’s. They were staring, very blatantly too. Caught in the act, they flinched and looked away. Cute.
“Enjoy the show?” Gabbro was almost surprised by the sound of their own voice. After Giant’s Deep’s endless storm this place, with only the soft susurrus of the pine trees and gentle stream creating its soundscape, seemed almost as strikingly quiet as space. “Not that it was much of one, huh? I don’t think it’s possible to look sexy taking off a space suit.”
“Oh I um, uh… I just I think this is the first time I’ve seen you without the suit on.”
“Nah, back when you were still in training I was ‘round occasionally, remember?” Not often but they had seen each other and even lightly conversed several times. Upon learning they were finally no longer going to be the newest member, Gabbro had gone out of their way to meet Auri.
“Yeah, I guess so, huh? That was a long time ago though.” True, they were hardly the new recruit anymore even if everyone else was still stuck thinking of them that way. “Sometimes the stuff that happened before doesn’t feel… real, you know? Or not as real, at least.”
It was a unique kind of stagnation they were experiencing. Normally the perception that things would remain the same and thus had always been one way was an illusion brought on by being stuck in the rut of routine. For them though it was fact; no matter what they changed it all reset eventually. The only things that stayed different were the two of them.
“Let’s find a good spot to hang up the hammock. Or we could switch tactics and lie on the grass instead.” Gabbro would be fine with either.
“Uh…” Auri finally looked at them again before averting their gaze to where they’d left the hammock bundled up on the ground under the ship. “Let’s go with the hammock for now.”
That would be the more comfortable option. And so they set to finding a good spot for it. An easy task because even if relatively speaking it had been a long time, Gabbro had been here enough to know of several spots they’d be safe from quantum shenanigans in.
Once it was up, Gabbro got in first. Treated to be able to withstand the storms of Giant’s Deep, it was dry. The scent of salt clinging to it was faint enough to merely be a pleasant reminder of that majestic ocean.
Auri hesitated, standing besides the hammock for several long seconds before finally climbing in. With both of them stripped down to the minimal clothing they normally were under the suit and its protective padding, the hammock felt bigger. Perhaps enough that they could’ve lain side by side without touching if they’d tried. Auri didn’t try though, pressing just as close as always.
Their scales were pleasantly rough where their arms touched. Auri fumbled a bit before successfully taking Gabbro’s hand, entwining their fingers. They clung tight to it, making their slight tremble impossible to miss. Gabbro turned to their head to look at them. They lay stiff on their back, very intentionally keeping their gaze pointed towards the sky.
“Relax,” Gabbro whispered in their ear, earning a sharp intake of breath. “We’re okay. Everything’s fine.” Touching was a lot different without the suits between them. Real scale to scale contact was a lot more intense than Gabbro remembered it being. Not in a bad way though. It had them appreciating how tightly Auri held their hand.
“I know just… Sorry, I’m being…”
“Don’t,” Gabbro cut them off before they could say they were being dumb again or whatever other self-deprecating thing had been in their tone. “It’s okay to be nervous. I haven’t done this in a while either.”
“Oh uh… I guess that makes sense with the time loop and all.”
Gabbro hummed an affirmative that seemed to ease the tension in Auri’s body even further. A few minutes of peaceful silence and they relaxed even further, their tremble fading, their grip loosening a little. Still though, they didn’t turn to initiate going further. Gabbro was in no rush and didn’t want to push them but well, as nice as hand holding and arm touching was, now that they’d finally had a taste of physical contact, it wasn’t enough. It was actually starting to get a little awkward just lying here like this.
Maybe Auri was waiting for them to make the next move. Relationships were hard to navigate sometimes. If they were going to do this though, might as well just go for it. At least one of them pretending to know what they were doing here should make it easier for both of them.
Gabbro freed their hand from Auri’s, giving themself room to press in closer, pulling Auri’s arm around themself before kissing them on the cheek. With gasp, Auri turned their head to look at them, their eyes wide with surprise.
“You okay?” Gabbro asked, ready to pull away. Maybe they had jumped to it too fast.
“Uh… yeah, yeah. I think… I’m okay. I’m good.” They spoke in a whisper, the tension melting from their body.
“Good.” Gabbro leaned in to kiss them again, this time on the mouth. Auri reciprocated after only a beat or two. They clearly didn’t have much kissing experience, not that Gabbro had a whole lot more. And it didn’t matter much. Gabbro had agreed to this because it had sounded like a fun distraction and they wanted to be there for their time buddy. But now that they were here, it felt like so much more. They needed to touch and be touched. It had been a long time for so many things after all. Like the shock of the fresh air and scent of pine trees, they hadn’t realized how much how much they needed this.
Clearly, just as desperate, Auri grasped at them, their shyness finally melted away under their shared need for a loving touch. Gabbro lowered a hand to their side, lifting their shirt to caress up their side and chest. Auri shuddered under their touch, breaking the kiss as their gasped for breath. Gabbro was breathing hard too. It was a lot all at once.
“You okay?” They asked again because it was hard to tell sometimes, especially the first time with someone new.
Auri nodded. “Yeah… yeah. I didn’t expect… any of this but it’s… it’s good.”
Now it was finally Gabbro’s turn to tense up and pull back, taking their hand out from under Auri’s shirt. “You… didn’t expect this?” Had they really misread what Auri had been asking for that badly?
“Uh, no. Should I have?”
“When you asking if we could come here and lie in the hammock without our suits on, I thought you were asking to have sex.” They’d just been so awkward about it, unable to even look at Gabbro.
The mortified look that came over their face was answer enough. “What? No! I… I just realized it’s been a long time since I really touched anyone without the suit on. It’s like a barrier, you know? And since we were both wearing one it was like two barriers. I felt weird about that, a bad weird, so I just wanted to lie next to you with our arms touching or something. I didn’t think about… Anything more than that never occurred to me.”
The adorable innocence of that was impossible not to laugh at. Gabbro quickly reigned it in though lest it come across as being at Auri’s expense. “I guess that’s what we get for not communicating clearly, huh? But,” banishing the rest of their mirth from their voice, they lowered their volume to a whisper, “you said it’s good?” They leaned back in to give Auri another kiss, swift and chaste on their cheek. “You like this?”
Blessedly Auri relaxed. “Yeah, it’s good. I like it. So um, if you really want to we could… I’ve never done it before, always too busy and stuff, but there’s a first time for everything, right?”
“Do you want to?”
“Um… maybe?”
“This isn’t something you say ‘maybe’ to.” Gabbro wasn’t about to repeat the mistake of assuming what they wanted unless Auri clearly communicated it. They never should’ve jumped to such conclusions in the first place. “Especially not your first time.”
“Um… I… uh…”
“It doesn’t have to be ‘no’ forever, just for right now. We got plenty of time today and tomorrow or in future loop perhaps. No need to rush anything. Or it could be a ‘no’ forever, that would be fine with me too.” Gabbro would prefer a partner that enjoyed sex but it wasn’t a requirement by any means. Not that they were even officially partners just because they’d made out one time, especially since it had been due to a misunderstanding. That was a conversation for later though.
“In that case… no for now but maybe yes later.”
“Understood. Let me know when you’re ready, huh? If you ever get there anyway.” This outcome was a bit disappointing but probably the alternative would’ve been a bit too fast even for Gabbro. They had a friends with benefits relationship with Rieback but thanks to the loop as well as general work stuff getting in the way even before it had started, it had been a long time since they last experienced the benefits part of that relationship. Jumping straight in sex right after realizing how touch starved being stuck in their space suit all loop, every loop had made them would’ve been a pretty intense jump.
“Even if we’re not gonna… have sex, could we still maybe uh… go back to the kissing thing? That was nice.”
That had indeed been quite nice. So, in answer, Gabbro shifted close to kiss Auri on the mouth again. This was more than enough for now.