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“Are you okay?”
Sun hated that phrase. Because of course he wasn’t okay. Was anyone really okay in this godforsaken place? No.
Whenever someone stopped to ask him that question, he always had to pause. Think about it. Go over how not okay he actually was, all the little things gone wrong in his life.
Wow, did those thoughts make him feel broken. And if he was being honest with himself, he was broken. Some days, he felt so rotten, he couldn’t get out of bed. Claimed he was sick, unable to go to work.
After being fussed over, he would lock himself in his room, bury himself in blankets, and try to cry as silently as “humanly” possible, hoping no one would walk in on him in this state.
Because his feelings… well, he wasn’t stupid, of course they mattered, if not to him, then to his family and friends. But… still. He hated it. Knowing he had hurt them. Call it cliche, but the fear of being a burden was real.
And Sun still remembered the look in Earth and Lunar’s eyes when he had to tell them about Solar’s death. He never wanted them to look at him that way again.
So instead of going to his family about his many issues, he bottled everything up. Unhealthy as hell, he knew that, but did he really have a choice anymore? Did he ever?
Stupid, stupid thoughts. He was just trying to take a nice, little, midafternoon nap. But sleep seemed to be avoiding him like he was the plague...
… Was he the plague? OKAY nonono, TOO existential, hah…
But honestly. He felt bad for lying when someone (usually Earth) asked how he was doing, because the fact they asked at all meant they really cared about the answer.
…Or… maybe they just… didn’t want to see him snap in two. He did have magic, after all. Were… were they just trying to keep him in line…?
…
NO!
No, of COURSE not, GOD!
Sun couldn’t let himself spiral into such a crazy train of thought. Becoming paranoid of his family’s intentions towards him was a line he did not want to cross.
…Is this how Nexus had felt? Oh God. And he hadn’t even noticed. Some brother he’d been.
He tried to think back on the last year. Was Nexus ever locked in a room, trying to hide from Sun and the others, like how Sun was hiding from the others now…?
Well, either way, it was too late to help Nexus.
But… it wasn’t too late to help himself. Because his eyes were already damp, and it felt like the world was crushing him in like a fucking soda can.
He navigated to the phone app in his mind. Who could he go to about this?
Naturally, Earth came to mind first, but he didn’t want to bother her right now. Not that he wanted to bother anyone, of course, but she’d just announced her engagement to Monty yesterday. It would be a crime to ruin something that special for her so soon.
Moon? No, Sun knew how uncomfortable Moon got about things like this. Hell, he hadn’t talked to Sun for days after Sun killed Nexus, when Sun needed him most.
Lunar was in space, so that was an immediate no. He cringed when Dazzle popped up in his mind. What a conversation that would be with a kid. Yeah, hard pass…
There was only one other person left, and he honestly wasn’t someone Sun talked to that often, but hey, it beat going insane, right?
Sun scrolled down until he found the ‘S’ section in his contacts list. He pressed the green call button next to Solar’s name, holding his breath that the other would pick up.
He didn’t know what he would do with himself if Solar didn’t.