Chapter Text
"Prongs, what the fuck," Sirius huffs, staring at the gory clown mask obscuring his best friend. "You know I don’t like clowns."
"Oh, poor ickle Padfoot," James says dramatically, pulling the mask up to rest on his head. "If only everyone was as easy to scare as you. I think I’m gonna buy it and see if I can scare people around campus. Get in the holiday spirit"
"We can’t do that, remember?" Sirius says dryly. "We’re still in trouble from last week’s prank, and your team captain threatened to ban us from the Halloween party if we pull anything that ‘reflects badly on the team.’"
James groans. "You’re right. We can’t risk it. The football team throws the best parties, and we can’t miss it."
Suddenly, Sirius gets an idea. He grabs James by the shoulders. "Mate! We can use that video chatting thing—what was it called?"
"Omegle!" James bounces on the balls of his feet. "You’re a genius, Pads. This is going to be an epic prank and we’ll still get to go to the party!"
Sirius then begins scouring for a mark, wanting one that will scare James as revenge for the clown mask. Sure its main purpose is scaring people on Omegle, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have some fun waking James up with it eventually. Not today, probably not even this month. Just… when James least expects it. What are best friends for?
Later, they are home and sitting in front of James’s laptop with their masks pulled on. James’s is a creepy clown mask with skin that looks like it’s being peeled off. Sirius wears an eerie gnome, perhaps not the scariest one he could find, but it will be perfect for scaring James. He hates gnomes, and apparently, other people do too, judging by this mask’s existence. At least, that’s what James insists while Sirius laughs at his fear.
"So do we just start a call?" James asks, voice muffled through the mask.
"Yeah. I feel like this will give them a proper fright. Should we take a bet on which mask scares more people?"
"Oh, you’re on." James puts out a hand for a shake. "There’s no way more people aren’t going to be scared of the gnome mask."
"James… you’re in the clown one," Sirius laughs.
James scoffs in disbelief. "Yeah, but I think more people will be scared of the gnome, obviously , so that’s what my bet’s on."
"Well, I think more people will be scared of the clown, so I guess that’ll do."
They start the first video with only James on the screen, clown head tilted at a slight angle, a red light casting shadows over his face.
Sirius waits to see the person’s terrified face as they open a video chat with a gory clown.
Instead, they are greeted by a penis—just sitting directly in front of the camera.
James lets out a high-pitched squeal and immediately ducks out of the way while slamming the "stop" button.
Sirius takes over and puts himself in front of the screen, gnome face glaring eerily. Another man appears, thankfully wearing pants this time, but he doesn’t react at all. Sirius is more freaked out by this one than the last. The guy just sits there, eyes glazed over, staring directly into the camera. His light blue eyes and long gray beard are creepy enough, but it’s the emptiness in his expression that is deeply unsettling.
Sirius leans in and tries a dramatic evil laugh, but the man doesn’t flinch. Not one bit. So Sirius hits stop and moves away. They are being out scared by an old man, they really need to step it up.
Next there is a middle-aged woman on the screen, just sitting nicely and looking at their empty wall. Sirius glances at James, who is still hidden behind his mask and sitting pointedly away from the camera.
"Prongs," Sirius whispers harshly. "You’re on, mate."
"Is it another penis?" James asks shakily. "I’m not opening my eyes if it is."
"Oh, grow up," Sirius mutters, stifling a laugh. "You’re on a sports team. You see them all the time."
"Not on camera! I feel like a proper voyeur."
"Get up there and scare this woman," Sirius says, deadpan. "Something I never expected to say out loud."
"She’s covered, right?" James insists, finally facing the camera, but Sirius imagines his eyes are still squeezed shut.
"Yes. Now lose your delicate sensibilities. You’ll be fine." Sirius taps his friend, “We aren’t going to scare anyone if it takes you this long each time.”
"Okay. I’ve got this," James whispers to himself like he’s pumping himself up for a match.
He swings in front of the camera. The woman screams and immediately disconnects. Success.
"Well, Prongsie boy, that’s one for the clown mask." Sirius pushes James aside and gets back on camera.
This time, a young girl appears who is definitely under 18. Sirius considers disconnecting, but before he can, the girl bursts into uncontrollable laughter at the gnome's face. She doesn’t say a word, just laughs with her head thrown back. Sirius joins in, chuckling, but quickly disconnects. He really hopes she hasn’t seen as many dicks as they have today. He shudders at the thought.
He pulls James up—just in time for them to see another dick on screen. His best friend groans low in his throat, causing the aforementioned penis to twitch in interest. Gross. They switch again. Another one.
"Honestly, do people not have anything better to do?" Sirius mutters, yanking his mask off. "At least make an OnlyFans so they can make money."
James is removing his own mask, sighing. "I don’t think this is working..."
Suddenly, he trails off. His eyes are glued to the screen, mouth dropped open, and he isn’t even blinking. Sirius waves a hand in front of his face.
"It’s just a dick. You’ll survive, but can you please stop staring."
"Well, it’s definitely not a dick," comes a soft voice, laced with laughter. "But we’ve seen plenty of those on here, so you two are a welcome breath of fresh air."
Sirius turns to the screen. Instead of some genitalia, they are looking at two girls and a boy sitting in a dorm room. Finally, someone interesting, if only they hadn’t taken off their masks.
"Oh, thank goodness," Sirius gasps in false relief, waving his hand in front of James again. "The way he was staring—I thought he was in shock. Maybe he’s not over the last one..." However, as Sirius looks at his friend in slight concern, he recognizes the twinkle in his eye. Prongs has a crush.
"Oi, Prongs, stop staring or they’ll think you’re a creep too." Sirius says quietly to his friend. Then, he addresses the group on the other end. "So what are you lovely people doing on here?"
"Well we were trying to do a survey for class," the redhead says in a clear American accent, annoyance seeping through. "But apparently this is a terrible place to find random participants."
"I warned you guys," the blonde boy snorts. “You just insisted this was the best way to get a truly random sample . Utter bullshit if you ask me.”
"Well, excuse us for believing in the general population’s ability to answer questions instead of flashing us," the other girl says, curls bouncing as she shakes her head in disgust.
Sirius laughs. "Well, we can answer your survey, if that helps." He nudges James.
"Yes. Yes. Yes," James says, the words spilling out."We are so good at answering questions. We can answer any question ever."
"Thanks," the redhead says, rolling her eyes. "But we only need a few answers."
"Anything," James says in adoration. "I’ll tell you anything."
Sirius claps a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter. Honestly, sometimes he forgets how pathetic James is when faced with a pretty girl.
"First, where are you from?" asks the blonde boy.
"London," Sirius says, sending them a smoldering look. "But I’m sure you can tell from the accent."
"Hot," says the curly-haired girl.
Sirius preens, sending her a wink. "Anything you want me to say, love?"
She giggles, but the boy beside her puts an arm around her. They must be a couple. Not that he cares, he’s not interested in girls, only in looking hot.
"They just need one more answer.” The boy says pointedly. "Do you think a hotdog is a sandwich?"
Sirius bursts out laughing, doubled over as he takes in their question. What class could this possibly be for?
"I’m sorry, is that really for a class?" He asks as he tries to catch his breath.
"Unfortunately, yes," the redhead replies. "Statistics. The professor insisted."
"And you decided to use Omegle?" Sirius asks, a hint of laughter still coloring his voice.
"Stop questioning her!" James says sharply. He then turns to the computer, his voice much softer, "I think it’s a brilliant idea."
"You didn’t even answer the question," the boy points out.
"Righto!" James turns serious, taking a moment to think. "Clearly a hotdog is a sandwich."
"Prongs, what ?” Sirius gasps in disbelief.
"Bread with stuff inside. That’s a sandwich." James says with a confident nod. “ Come on Pads, you know I’m right.”
"Wait, wait, wait—Prongs and Pads?" the curly-haired girl interrupts. "Those names are even worse than Rem’s."
"Oh, no—my name isn’t Prongs!" James says quickly, eyes wide with worry. "It’s James. Middle name is Fleamont, but my last name is Potter. Practically normal! Just a completely normal name. Don’t get me started on my—”
"Maybe don’t tell strangers your full name?" the redhead suggests, cutting off his rambling. "Stranger danger and all that."
James blushes. "Right, yes, good point.” He leans forward and rests his face on his hand with a soft smile, “ Can I at least know your first name?"
"Lily," she sighs. "This is Mary. That’s her boyfriend, Peter."
Mary waves. Peter gives a stiff nod.
"And what’s his name?" Lily asks.
"Sirius Orion Black the Third," James blurts.
"Thanks for that, Jamesie."
"My bad, mate."
"It’s fine," Sirius says. "I’m not too worried about these three hunting us down. Besides, if they find you, finding me is inevitable."
"You should be," Lily warns. "You never know who people really are online."
"She’s right," James nods seriously.
Sirius gives him a look. "You’re the one who told them our full names."
“Oh,” James looks sheepish, “Right.”
"So, what are you guys studying?" he asks quickly, as if nothing happened. "I play football."
"You're going to school for football?" Lily asks. "Is that a class over in England?"
"Only if you're really good," James says smugly.
Sirius sighs, nudging his friend and turning back to the screen. "He's a business major. Please ignore him. He's just very awkward around girls he thinks are pretty."
James and Lily both blush, but Sirius continues like he hasn’t noticed.
"And by the way, I'm an art major. James is our starting forward—most goals this season."
"That's pretty impressive," Peter says. "I used to play soccer in high school."
James perks up. "Righto! What position?"
"I was a goalie. If I was lucky, I had the least goals in the season. Although, there was one time when it bounced off the back of my head and in, so I scored at least once—even if it was on the wrong team."
James bends over laughing. He really has a soft spot for sports-related humor, the dork. Sirius feels like he could make a joke about golf, and James would still be laughing about it hours later despite having never played.
Lily watches them, a small smile on her face and Sirius wonders if James might actually have a chance. That is, of course, before he remembers that they do not, in fact, know these people or even live in the same country.
It feels like they do, though. Somehow. Maybe in another universe.
"I'm a nursing major," Lily says, breaking into his thoughts.
"That's so impressive," James gushes. "You have to know so much to do that, and it’s such a selfless role. The world needs more nurses."
Lily presses her lips together like she’s fighting a smile. "Thank you, James. You're right."
"Peter's a computer science major, and I'm in education," Mary adds.
James nods so enthusiastically that Sirius fears for his neck. "We need more teachers, too!"
"Wow, Peter . Apparently, James doesn’t think we need more computer science majors." Sirius smirks.
"Wait until the computers take over. Then he’ll be singing a different tune." It sounds like a joke, but Peter doesn’t look like he’s joking.
James laughs anyway.
"So, what’s it like being an art major?" Mary asks, tilting her head. "Do you just paint all day or what?"
"Sometimes," Sirius admits with a grin. "Honestly, I want to become a tattoo artist, but the Potters are big believers in uni, so I’m just focusing on translatable skills."
"Aren't the Potters his parents?" Peter asks without hesitation, looking pointedly at James.
Sirius freezes.
He’s used to this kind of question, but he still prefers to avoid talking about his birth family.
Luckily, this snaps James’s attention back to the conversation instead of just staring at Lily. "Sirius is my adopted brother."
That warms him, just as it has every time he has said it since they were 16. He feels another rush of affection for James Potter. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky.
The door behind their new friends suddenly flies open, and a deep voice grumbles something unintelligible. Sirius catches a hint of an accent—Welsh, maybe—and wonders who just entered their dorm.
"I have had the worst fucking day," the voice says, getting closer to the camera. "One of my students asked me if I was a top or a bottom. And—"
The voice pauses.
A low groan follows, the kind that makes Sirius’s blood rush south.
"—the principal was in the room at the time."
Lily turns toward the source of the voice. "Why would they even ask you that, Remus?"
"Because I made the mistake of telling them I’m gay on National Coming Out Day," the voice —Remus—says with a self-deprecating laugh. "So apparently that opens me up for all sorts of personal questions."
"That’s tough," Mary says sympathetically. "Kids say the wildest things."
"I’m just glad I didn’t get in trouble," Remus mutters. Then, after a pause: "What are you guys doing?"
"We’re on Omegle," Lily explains. "Getting answers to whether or not a hotdog is a sandwich."
"A hotdog is a sausage, not a sandwich," Remus says matter-of-factly. "Why are you asking random people on the internet this?"
"We needed more answers from unique voices," Lily says, the answer sounds rehearsed. He wonders if she told her teacher this was how she was getting responses. The idea makes him laugh.
Remus snorts. "You guys just didn’t feel like talking to a bunch of people on campus, did you?"
Peter nods. "That is exactly what happened."
"Come say hi to our new friends!" Mary gestures toward the camera.
“I don’t know if I want—” Remus pauses and Sirius watches as Lily’s eyebrows raise smugly. “Alright.”
Suddenly a new face fills the screen and Sirius feels the air leave his lungs.
He has to be hallucinating. Or he died and went to heaven.
The man sitting in front of him is gorgeous—golden skin with a smattering of freckles, highlighted by crisscrossing scars that only makes him more captivating. His eyes are amber and burning into Sirius’s despite the distance between them. He doesn’t dare look away, doesn’t think he can. Instead he just stares at Remus and accepts the warm gaze back, feeling safe in its embrace. The others melt away, and suddenly it is just them, sitting alone with an ocean between them.
Sirius doesn’t even notice Lily asking him a question until James shoves him.
"I’m sorry, what?" He blinks rapidly, finally tearing his gaze away.
Lily is grinning. "I said, you never answered the question." She looks between the screen and Remus, smirking.
Sirius clears his throat. "Oh. Right. I agree. A hotdog is a sausage, not a sandwich."
He would have agreed even if Remus thought a hotdog was a type of roller coaster. Luckily, he happened to actually share his opinion this time.
"Interesting," James mutters, his grin wicked.
Sirius shoots him a glare. Then, without thinking, he leans into the camera and flashes his best smile. "So. What’s your name, gorgeous?" He might already know his name, but he needs to hear Remus say it. He watches as Remus flushes bright red, heat filling his cheeks, and Sirius aches to be there in person just to feel the warmth of it.
"My name's Remus," he says, his Welsh accent pouring through every word.
"Nice to meet you, Remus." Sirius leans his chin on his hand to study Remus, subconsciously mimicking James’s pose from before. "And where are you from? Because that accent doesn’t sound American."
Remus laughs.
Oh, fuck.
It’s musical, light, and lilting, decorated by his accent, and Sirius wants to bottle it.
"I’m from Wales," he says with a grin, "and I take it you pretty boys are from London?"
Sirius feels flustered, a completely new experience for him, and struggles to respond.
Luckily, James steps in. "Righto! You’ve got some London boys here. What takes you all the way to America from Wales?"
God bless James and his ability to say exactly what Sirius is thinking.
Remus’s smile spreads like butter and Sirius wants to make it melt . "My mum did a summer abroad in America when she was younger and said I needed to experience it. So far, I’m having a good time. But suddenly…" His eyes flicker back to Sirius. "I’m looking forward to going home."
Sirius’s cheeks are definitely pink now if they weren’t before.
Somehow he manages to respond. "Fancy that. I’ve been thinking about a trip to Wales. Any recommendations?"
"Cardiff would probably be perfect for a city boy like you," Remus smirks.
Sirius can’t stop the next words from spilling out of his mouth. "Oh, you know me. Taking that midnight train anywhere."
While normally Sirius loves James’s ability to commit to a bit, in this case Sirius desperately wants him to change the subject, not start singing Don’t Stop Believing . Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens.
By the time he finishes the entire song, they all just sit there in stunned silence. Sirius breaks the silence with applause, it’s the least he can do.
That sure was… something." Lily grins. "I don’t even know what just happened."
"That’s pretty typical with James around," Sirius mutters, face hidden in his hands.
“You know,” Remus says with a mischievous smile, “Lily is a small town girl.” That earns him a shove from Lily, but James just beams brighter at someone joining in on the ridiculous, poorly timed joke.
“Shut up , Rem!” She hisses.
The group continues to talk for an hour, bouncing between topics like they have known each other for years. Sirius is mesmerized by Remus and soon learns that he’s more than just a pretty face. He’s kind and intelligent, while still layering half his sentences with palpable sarcasm. By the end of the conversation, they make plans to talk the next day, numbers saved to each other’s phones.
Stranger danger be damned.