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Coming home from the hospital was not as smooth as it would seem.
After about a week at the hospital, Hyunju was done with the antiseptic smell and feeling the ebbing effects of general anesthesia being replaced with high concentration of painkillers. Neither was pleasant, and subsequent nausea with sharp pangs of pain breaking through happened as predicted, but were still painful and made her mind blank sometimes.
Hyunju was not able to walk properly after a week (what a shocker). Her stitches had healed some, and she didn’t seem to have any issues with infection or bleeding, so she got signed out and Gyeongseok helped her alongside a nurse into the car.
Apparently, renting a wheelchair was a hassle, but one with which her boyfriend successfully dealt with, seeing as it was packed in the car. Though, it made it all cramped. Gyeongseok was happy to ramble about it, and Hyunju squeezed his hand through the discomfort of the travel.
When they stopped in front of their apartment building, she waited patiently. Though, she was a bit embarrassed to need such care. He pulled the wheelchair out of the backseat and unfolded it. Then set it by the side of the car. Gyeongseok opened her passenger’s side door, and as gently as possible, hooked his arms below her knees and around her shoulders, lifting her out of the car.
Hyunju held onto him and tensed up as she was sat down tenderly.
After that, Gyeongseok grabbed her hospital bag and locked up the car, getting her to the elevator.
The route they needed to take was a bit inconvenient, but they were home soon enough.
Gyeongseok opened the door and pushed the wheelchair inside, moving her to the bed and helping her lie down. The set up there was neat. She could do some gaming, or watch movies, but mostly she could rest, which she would need a lot of. Everything below the waist hurt. Moving above the waist also meant random shots of pain through her body.
Hyunju smiled at Gyeongseok. “Thank you for everything.” They had been dating for over two years now. There were few moments when she would imagine she couldn't love the man next to her more than she already did, but he made her heart break records it set every time.
“Of course,” he replied, as if visiting her in hospital daily, and now, taking care of her for the next two weeks were going to be a breeze and not a burden.
“I love you.” Hyunju wondered if she was high. Probably. A little bit. “I love you so much.” She could stare at him all day and night.
“I know, I love you too.” With that, he kissed her on the forehead. “Do you want tea?”
“I’d like some.” Hyunju said, but she fell asleep before she could even hear the kettle be put on.
Gyeongseok and Hyunju had been together for two years plus a few months.
Before getting together, they had gone to a few meetings and dragged their feet before admitting they were having a situation bloom between each other. Awkward, as they both were, they got along great. They didn’t really have mishaps for the most part. Plenty of hard conversations, emotionally draining ones too. Mostly about their plans for the future. About Nayeon, about Thailand.
They talked about the past a little, too. The military. Parents. Past relationships.
Hyunju got on the waiting list for the operation a few months before she moved in. Nayeon had taken her presence becoming constant quite… unexpectedly. Hyunju felt she became close with the little girl, then she moved in, and Nayeon became skittish and shy again.
“Unnie, are you sick?” Nayeon asked as she took up station by Hyunju’s side. That “station” was a nightstand on Gyeongseok’s side of the bed, with art supplies scattered and its wood was scribbled with wax crayons. They were meant to doodle only on paper, but the canvas was just not enough and the nightstand would have to do with her artistic talents spilling over.
“Hmmm?” Hyunju turned her face from the drama. The TV volume had been pretty low, but the question startled Hyunju. She couldn't really conceptualize an explanation for her condition.
“You were at the hospital… a lot...” The little girl leaned on the bed, and she nervously swayed, wringing her fingers. “Is it your tummy?” Nayeon must have overheard some complaints from Hyunju. The woman hoped that her boyfriend’s daughter did not learn swear words from her.
Hyunju smiled. Her heart healed and broken at the same time. “I’m alright. Just need to rest.” This little one would likely always be anxious of hospitals and doctors. On the other hand, she cared and worried about Hyunju. Sometimes, Hyunju doubted that the little girl liked her, and it felt awful because she couldn’t put it on a kid to care about a strange woman that her dad was dating. If Nayeon had much of a concept of what dating was at her age.
“Will your hair fall out too?”
Hyunju patted the bed space beside her and watched the girl heave herself on the mattress and scoot over the blankets. “No, no. Don’t worry about it.” Hyunju reached out and stroked Nayeon’s hair, pressing her close.
“You promise?” Nayeon looked up at her.
“I do. I’m okay, Nayeon. I’m getting better and stronger,” Hyunju said, proud to have this little girl look up to her and attempt to care for her in her clumsy and innocent way. “I learned from the best and strongest girl in the world.”
In a way, she was a mom. She wasn’t going to bring it up with Gyeongseok nor Nayeon, but at her core, she felt warmth, a rush at the thought of being that mother figure in Nayeon’s life. Motherhood was not unattainable to her, and it was a once in a million chance that she wouldn’t let pass her by without trying her damnedest.
The girl appraised her with pursed lips and then went back to her artist station. She came, snuggled, and left, just like a cat.
Hyunju smiled, content with her life, having attained all she had set out to do. Now, she enjoyed the spoils of a difficult life, and leaned back on the pillows, resuming the watch of her show. She relaxed, her shoulders sinking into the pillows, and felt the dull ache be pushed to the back of her mind.
The mattress creaked again, and rustles of paper clued Hyunju in to Nayeon’s approach and intents. Lovable and restless – that summed up… pretty much any child Hyunju has ever known.
“Unnie, I drew you this to make you feel better.”
“Really?” Her heart squeezed, and she tried to keep her lips from trembling as she almost cried. It was the stupid aches that hurt everything below her waist! Not at all her heart not being able to bear this much sweetness. She took the paper and examined the sticky figures with dresses of skirts so wide that no door could fit them. It was the best thing. “Aww… you wrote my name so well. Your handwriting is so elegant, Nayeon. This drawing is so beautiful!”
“Daddy taught me.”
“He can be smart, can’t he?”
“Sometimes.” Nayeon nodded. “This is you, you know?”
Hyunju snorted. “I can tell, because you’re such a good artist, you know?”
Speaking of the man, he knocked on the door frame as he brought in snacks for Hyunju. He set them on the nightstand and also appraised the drawing with much admiration for his daughter’s seedling talents.
“How do you feel?” Gyeongseok asked Hyunju as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“Fantastic.” Hyunju reached for a cookie at the same time as Nayeon did, but Gyeongseok caught his daughter before she climbed over Hyunju and saved her a lot of pain of a careless eight-year-old’s knee to the healing area.
“Tried getting up?” With some ease, some struggle, he scooped up his daughter and Hyunju watched them.
“Not yet…” Hyunju admitted, sheepish, hesitant. But she felt warmth bloom in her chest watching this set.
“That’s alright. We take it at your pace.”
The physical therapist probably wouldn’t. Hyunju dreaded it, partly. However, mostly she was happy as never before in her life. What more could she want?
Walking was painful or slow, mostly both.
She got the okay to do her bathroom trips alone, but she wasn’t really alone, because Nayeon had taken to talking to her through the door. As if she couldn’t wait to ask something or announce to Hyunju her plan (for the better or worse, because not all of Nayeon’s plans were smart, or safe). It was… embarrassing. Gyeongseok would come to the rescue sometimes.
Then came the next few weeks and the pain subsided, as expected, but she was far from done with recovery. Strenuous activity was still mostly out of the question, but she attended physical therapy and getting back into regular activity. Gyeongseok did everything in his power not to put pressure or strain her.
Hyunju was glad, but he could get overbearing. She understood where his worry and care came from, a place of love, but also a place of fear. She sometimes wondered what exactly were those anxious thoughts like in his head, but Hyunju didn’t want to pry the answers out if he wasn’t willing to share.
In other news, in the last month, Hyunju noticed just how much time Nayeon would spend with her. Hyunju welcomed it, but the chatter could get to be too much. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to get upset, because Nayeon would look at her with clueless, excited eyes and Hyunju would think about being like a mom to her.
And sometimes, that hurt her more, because she wondered how it would turn out in the perfect world. Hyunju imagined bringing Gyeongseok over to introduce him to her mom, and Nayeon too. She had… nephews and nieces that she imagined would make fast friends with their cousin… Her mother was sweet and Hyunju had …a lot of good memories, if tainted and bittersweet now.
Her siblings, though… her father…
In a perfect world, they would not mind.
So, Hyunju sat there with crooked makeup, clumsy braids and stickers on her face. Playing dress-up just like she did when she was a child, but this time she was doing it for Nayeon. The little girl for her part had neater makeup and tighter braids, albeit quite short. Hyunju was by no means a hairstyling expert, especially with an impatient and energetic eight-year-old girl as her model.
“So? Do you like being hairdresser?”
Nayeon pouted embarrassed. “It’s not very good.”
“It’s fantastic!” Hyunju held back laughter, playing with her hair as she stared in the mirror. “Oh, I never looked better!”
Nayeon still pouted, her face turning red and her eyes becoming glassy. Hyunju leaned down to hug her. The little girl hid her face in her shoulder, latching on immediately.
Nayeon was a special girl. Special to Hyunju because it was a touch of identity she embraced with her entire being. Special because she was a survivor, the strongest little girl Hyunju has ever known. Nayeon had silly fixations and assigned people fruits as it made sense to her. As some had faith in horoscopes and star signs, Nayeon arbitrarily assigned value and personalities to fruits and then to people.
She was the little girl who got anxious over the most peculiar of things, and Hyunju was there to talk her into being brave.
It was that combination of talking Nayeon into trying new things and personalization of fruits that had Hyunju look like one of the blue aliens from Avatar. Nayeon used purples, dark greens all shades of blues to give Hyunju… a unique look and, in a way, she loved it. She didn’t like the feel of adhesive on her skin, but she kept the stickers in place.
“Are you guys hun…gry?” Gyeongseok asked as he froze, watching both of them.
“Daddy, we did makeup…” Nayeon piped up.
The first noise that escaped his mouth was peculiar, in a way that made Hyunju worried, but then he burst out in giggles that only got louder and worse, until he was no longer standing on his two feet. To contrast that, Nayeon burst out into tears of embarrassment.
“Gyeongseok!” Hyunju scolded half-heartedly as she hugged their kid. She wiped the tears away and tried not to think about how ridiculous all of this was, otherwise she would also laugh, and she didn’t want to make Nayeon more embarrassed. “Don’t worry, Nayeon, your daddy doesn’t know anything about art.”
“It’s beautiful!” He whimpered disingenuously as he hid his face in his hands and kept laughing.
“Alright you did enough, you better have made those cookies pretty good, right, Nayeon?” Hyunju stroked the girl’s head. “Otherwise, we will put your daddy in timeout.” This seemed to distract Nayeon, and ease her. Hyunju smiled and helped her jump off the stool. “Alright, that’s it. Go away, Gyeongseok. You’re in timeout.”
Nayeon cheered up, joining in on the teasing as it redirected from her embarrassment. “Yeah! Go away daddy! We’re eating all the cookies!”
Gyeongseok complied, really needing that moment to quiet down and compose himself.
The bedtime routine was done, and Nayeon had been tucked into bed after requesting incessantly for one more this or that. She had her bath, supper, bedtime story, bedtime hugs and forehead kisses from her father – she truly didn’t need for anything. Nayeon still put off falling asleep.
If Hyunju thought about it, her chest ached once more. It felt as if her own parents didn’t show her as much affection in the entire year she turned eight that Gyeongseok showed Nayeon within a week.
Hyunju had been glad to assist with the bedtime. During story time she would supply voices for different characters, delighted to hear some giggles from Nayeon, and watch her sleepy face battle to stay up a few more minutes until she would close her eyes and relax, beginning to snore.
After that, Hyunju went to prepare for sleep herself.
With some effort, Hyunju had removed the peculiar makeup work of her daughter. She cleansed and moisturized the abused skin where stickers left red marks. Done with that, she changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed with Gyeongseok, resting with arms around her waist as he rattled off his worries and she, her assurances.
They would do this thing and switched who was the one dishing out anxieties and who was addressing concerns every other night.
They would banter too.
Gyeongseok teased her plenty about the blueberry face, and she kicked his shin once she had enough. In his turn of attack, he squeezed her waist and brought her closer, dropping a kiss on her shoulder.
Gyeongseok switched the topic to Hyunju’s well-being, as expected. He’d been quite the caring and handsome nurse to her, checking in with her about healing, medication and physical therapy. Hyunju couldn’t wait to get an all-clear from the doctor to show him just how grateful she was for this tenderness and care. Though, that was a less innocent thought of hers than Gyeongseok would believe, smiling sheepishly whenever she praised him and thanked him.
Although, judging by how his kisses and touch lingered, he couldn’t wait either, but was patient and silent about the topic.
Days and weeks seemed to bleed into one another as Hyunju lived in bliss of their relationship. Then, abruptly, they began to drag on and on as she spent most of her days resting and doing what limited activity she could, getting better week by week. Not fast enough, though.
With Gyeongseok’s kiss on the back of her neck, Hyunju felt the lull of sleep. The sands brought by dreams put a spell of calm and relaxed her muscles. Soft, pleasing scent of shower gel and clean bedsheets.
It was almost never a clear line between when she fell asleep and when she woke up. One moment she was weighed down, and the next she was back to her senses.
Hyunju awoke with a startle. Not quite the shuffle and stretch, and subsequent return to sleep. This was more of an alarm to her senses. Though, it didn’t feel urgent. The mattress beside her dipped as Gyeongseok moved. Hyunju wondered briefly what happened, feeling that she was missing a part of a conversation – there was no realization that Nayeon was in the room, she just was there and Hyunju knew it.
“Hello, bear cub,” Hyunju said softly, repeating Gyeongseok’s nickname for Nayeon. “Do you need more hugs?” She didn’t mean to intrude on what Gyeongseok thought would be better – sleep in bed with them or put her back in her own, but she would comfort Nayeon if she needed it.
Nayeon nodded as her response, and she ran to her father first and climbed into his lap as he waited for her with open arms. She slid free and in between Hyunju and him.
It wasn’t that big of a surprise. Hyunju remembered having her own night terrors and running a few times to her mother and quietly waking her up to plead for help.
It had been so easy to help. Why had it been so hard for them?
“Did something happen?” Hyunju asked Nayeon in a whisper.
“The room felt bad.” Nayeon whispered back.
“It felt bad?” Gyeongseok asked, laying back down.
Nayeon had a blanket tucked around her little form by her father as she nodded nervously. “Yeah.”
“Oh, okay.” He hummed, stroking Nayeon’s hair. “Do you want me to check it?”
“No.”
“You just want to sleep here?” Hyunju smiled.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Keep us safe, won’t you?” She joked, and the little girl nodded, her face lit up.
There were a couple of minutes of conversation in whispers between the three of them, it lasted until Nayeon went back to sleep.
Hyunju would drop Nayeon off to school sometimes.
Today was the first time Hyunju could get behind the wheel, and she was glad to help out with some of the chores. She had been going stir-crazy in the last few days. It was no problem to get behind the wheel and talk back and forth with the bundle of energy fastened in her car seat. Hyunju pulled into the parking lot and checked the bag on Nayeon’s back before walking her to the pickup point.
Hyunju had grown used to every piece of the routine. She lived with Gyeongseok and Nayeon in her life for about two years, but it would still give her little spikes of joy at seemingly the most random of moments.
“Annyeong eomma!” Nayeon yelled as she stood in front of her school, face flush with excitement to spend the day with her friends. She was the last of her class to go inside, as the teacher grabbed her hand and pulled her along.
Hyunju tried not to cry as she went back to her car.