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The first time it happens, Shadow Milk is caught so off guard that he nearly makes a fool of himself in front of his assistant.
Today’s lecture comes to a close, and cookies are all starting to drift out of his lecture hall, many of them students of the Blueberry Yogurt Academy a few towns over. He’s reviewing points for tomorrow’s lesson when Black Sapphire comes into the office with his cup of tea.
Instead of the Earl Grey he’s gotten used to, the flavor that blooms in his mouth is familiar in a very different way. It’s a rich, imported jasmine, with one spoonful of sweetened blueberry syrup mixed with a generous serving of steamed milk, the tea over-steeped slightly so that the milk doesn’t completely mask the floral bitterness. It’s a pleasant surprise, albeit disorienting in context. His disciple is already turning to exit his lecture hall when Shadow Milk calls after him.
“Black Sapphire Cookie,” Shadow Milk calls out in a lighthearted tone, not accusatory in any way, “how do you know how I like my tea?”
It’s not exactly a secret per se, it’s just that he has never directly told anyone. There aren’t many conversations where one has the opportunity to discuss tea preferences, in general. Black Sapphire half-turns to reply.
“Ah, I saw your partner on my way to the cafe. Figured it wouldn’t hurt to know for future reference,” he states matter-of-factly, with a shrug of his shoulders. Black Sapphire says it so casually, with such routine confidence, that Shadow Milk momentarily lives in a world where this explanation makes sense.
It would in this world, if not for one crucial caveat.
Shadow Milk doesn’t have a partner.
He quickly combs through his memory for anyone who could have possibly observed him prepare his tea. Scholars, cafe staff, or other students. Only one cookie comes to mind.
“Is it even tea anymore, with all that milk? You might as well drink it straight from the well,” he had said ( before promptly adding 6 pumps of vanilla into his cup of coffee) .
“My… partner? Do you mean the Truthless Recluse?” Shadow Milk says, cringing as his voice cracks towards the end. Black Sapphire must hear it as well. He quirks an eyebrow.
Black Sapphire shrugs again. “I assumed he would know after all these months you’ve been dating, and every time I see you two, you’re always having tea.” Shadow Milk feels his face heat up. Black Sapphire is still talking like this has been common information for years.
He and Pure Vanilla aren’t partners, not in the way the Black Sapphire is implying at least. As far as he was concerned, their entire dynamic was built on their opposing principles. …Though he does suppose they meet for tea quite often. He sees how their correspondence could appear… intimate…
Regardless, they’re not partners , they’re just- uhm… colleagues? Acquaintances? Maybe, friends…?
Shadow Milk’s internal crisis is put to a premature close when he hears the exit door open, and Black Sapphire waves goodbye.
“See you tomorrow~,” Black Sapphire chirps with a smile, heading towards the door. His chiropteran wings flutter behind him cheerfully — as if he didn’t just upend Shadow Milk’s entire state of mind.
“Right, yes, of course, thank you for the… tea,” he says, but Black Sapphire is already out the door, leaving one very flustered Shadow Milk Cookie alone with his lukewarm cup of jasmine.
If the incident with Black Sapphire was an isolated occurrence, there would have been a sliver of hope that Shadow Milk could let the matter go. No such luck.
It’s as if the entire kingdom had collectively accepted the same assumption as Black Sapphire overnight. Not a day goes by without a subtle reminder of Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla’s “relationship.”
“...saw the Sage’s partner in the forest today. No, he’s actually really nice…”
“...doesn’t the Sage’s partner follow the path of Deceit? What if we- yes! We should totally ask him to do a lecture, maybe even a debate with the Sage…”
“...if the Sage can find love in his literal antithesis, then surely I have a chance with…”
Shadow Milk can’t stop the blush that creeps up his face whenever it happens, but at least he’s starting to get used to it. The comments are always vague enough that he can rationalize other possibilities. Maybe he’s in denial, but those likelihoods are just as valid to consider as the first one! Perhaps they are referring to platonic love, which can be just as (if not more) meaningful compared to romantic love. And really, “partners” could refer to any pair who engage in activity together…
He sighs in defeat as he reaches for his tea (jasmine again) as a student with raisins in her hair comes to his desk.
“The Truthless Recluse healed our village elder’s illness last night. When you have the chance, please pass on my gratitude to your husband,” she says with a curt nod.
Shadow Milk chokes mid-sip.
It really shouldn’t be bothering him this much, him and Pure Vanilla being mistaken for a couple. It’s just a simple misunderstanding amongst the townsfolk, but Shadow Milk can never find the voice to object or clarify to any of them. It’s not like it’s hurting anybody…
It isn’t false that their relationship has evolved from respectful opposition into something… more over time. Unlike his students, Pure Vanilla sees him as an equal. His companionship has always been comforting. The lie those cookies believe in, the world where the Sage and the Recluse are a thing, it seems like it’s ever so slightly happier than this one. Shadow Milk stubbornly ignores the implication of that thought.
That evening, Shadow Milk waits on the balcony to see if Pure Vanilla will visit. The moon is a waning gibbous, nearly whole as it fills the courtyard with a soft blue glow. He doesn’t know when it became a habit, losing sleep for the chance to see Pure Vanilla. Their meetings have no consistent schedule, and are wholly reliant on Pure Vanilla showing up.
Fortunately, today is one of those days.
Shadow Milk feels him before he sees him. It’s a pull towards a dense core of darkness, with faint whispers of light magic. It’s an imposing presence, but never feels dangerous. Pure Vanilla materializes from the shadows, and looks up at Shadow Milk, who’s resting his head on the banister. The latter lights up instantaneously.
“Nilly!” Shadow Milk jumps off the balcony, flies into Pure Vanilla, and pulls him into an embrace. The action knocks Pure Vanilla’s ridiculously large hat lopsided, revealing the blue star on his forehead. “I missed you!”
Pure Vanilla releases an exasperated sigh before awkwardly moving to pat Shadow Milk twice on the shoulder.
The two of them reach their little corner in the garden where they like to talk, and Shadow Milk summons a bottle and some glasses onto the table. They usually have tea together, but lately it’s become customary to share wine whenever Pure Vanilla visits past sunset. Tonight, Shadow Milk chooses a vintage berry variety (thank you, Eternal Sugar).
“This is …good,” Pure Vanilla notes, swirling the magenta liquid in his glass. “It’s similar to drinks I’ve shared with Hollyberry Cookie. It’s been so long…”
A fondness glimmers through his eyes. Pure Vanilla rarely smiles, so Shadow Milk has learned to read every expression in his eyes. The look is tender, but distant. Melancholy.
They fall into a comfortable pattern, trading anecdotes and waxing poetic together. Pure Vanilla makes another lazy attempt to convince Shadow Milk to abandon the Truth, but Shadow Milk already knows that he’s long since given up on that endeavor.
( “No, you’re not! You just wanna see me again! Admit it Vanilly! You can’t live without little ‘ol meee~!”
“You're delusional. And, also drunk. You’re in no position to make baseless accusations, Sage of Truth,” )
Shadow Milk isn’t completely sloshed yet, but he’s laughing quite a lot and his smile must look borderline manic. Pure Vanilla on the other hand, remains effortlessly regal, save for some loose strands of hair. Pure extract does contain alcohol after all, so maybe he has a natural tolerance. Shadow Milk pushes his glass to clink against Pure Vanilla’s again before they both take a long sip. There’s a beat of silence where Shadow Milk is supposed to pick up and continue the conversation, but he pauses, wondering if he should bring it up at all. He wonders for a second too long.
“There’s something on your mind.” Pure Vanilla never asks whether or not there is. He knows Shadow Milk well enough that he doesn’t have to.
Shadow Milk sobers slightly, his wondering finished. He looks up to meet Pure Vanilla’s eyes and fuck it, he goes for it.
“What are we?”
The question catches Pure Vanilla off guard, and his glowing pupils dilate. There’s a tangible shift in the atmosphere. “Pardon?”
“What are uh… we? Me and you. Us. What’s the nature of our relationship?”
“...What’s gotten you so curious so suddenly?”
“No answering my question with another question! You first.”
Pure Vanilla furrows his brows, thinking about his answer. He starts slowly.
“You are a bird, I am a stone. We are meant to be in conflict. We are supposed to not get along.”
Shadow Milk’s expression droops, and Pure Vanilla seems to resign when he sees this.
“...But you have been a close friend to me, regardless.”
Shadow Milk relaxes again, relief flooding onto his face.
“Why do you ask?” Pure Vanilla repeats, and Shadow Milk hesitates again. There's no way out of this conversation anymore. He brought it up in the first place.
“Um. A lot of my students have made… assumptions .” Pure Vanilla raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. “They’re under the impression that you and I are a couple. They’ve thought so for months.”
Something new flashes in Pure Vanilla’s eyes, and Shadow Milk feels uneasy. He doesn’t know what this look means. “They don’t believe you when you correct them?”
Shadow Milk grimaces. “...I haven’t corrected them. There wouldn’t be a point…” he admits, averting his eyes. Pure Vanilla is amused by this, and his mouth twitches. He’s resisting the urge to smile.
“You withheld the Truth in a situation where it provided no benefit. How Deceitful of you.” Shadow Milk is momentarily looking away, but he can still hear the smirk in Pure Vanilla’s voice. Smug bastard. Using Shadow Milk’s words from their first meeting against him is totally cheating! Pure Vanilla continues, his tone less teasing this time.
“Why does this bother you?”
Shadow Milk has already asked himself this question countless times, and it wasn't a productive use of energy. If he doesn’t offer an answer, he’s afraid that Pure Vanilla will keep having that mystery expression in his eyes.
“I don't know why. When I think about it, there's a squeeze in my chest. Like I’m missing something. There's something I’m reaching for.”
Shadow Milk should be more anxious, these are uncharted waters for the two of them. But he isn’t. Despite the contents saying otherwise, this conversation feels just as familiar, just as comfortable as any other with Pure Vanilla.
“What are you reaching for?”
Ah, a new question. Maybe Shadow Milk will have better luck with this one.
“What do you want, Shadow Milk?”
What does he want?
Well.
Shadow Milk wants to know ahead of time whether or not he’ll get a visit from Pure Vanilla. He wants to hold Pure Vanilla whenever the sorrow returns to stormy eyes. He wants to know how he can make Pure Vanilla happy in the way that Pure Vanilla makes him, he wants to make Pure Vanilla smile.
Pure Vanilla is the spotlight on Shadow Milk’s lonely stage, he wants to bask in Pure Vanilla’s silent radiance until he crumbles.
The puzzle pieces are falling into their correct alignment.
The realization hits, not so much a lightning strike, but a spark of a completed circuit.
“I want those rumors to be true,” he blurts out.
When the words leave his mouth, Shadow Milk suddenly feels so silly, because now it seems so obvious. He’s been laughably shortsighted on the matter, but of course it would be Pure Vanilla himself to pull loose his string of excuses. His fortress of cards topples.
“I want to be with you.” His mind is buzzing, but the confession is the one revelation that rings clear.
Pure Vanilla finally grants him a smile, a real, beautiful smile. “Took you long enough.”
He pulls Shadow Milk closer by his chin and kisses him.