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Bitty takes a deep breath of the sweet Georgia air. Even at this hour, it’s still warm and humid out, but compared to how hot it was earlier, it’s wonderfully cool out on Bitty’s porch. Bitty has completely lost track of what time it is, it’s been so long since he checked his phone. Honestly, it’s probably a new personal record. Still, there are far more pressing matters at hand than Bitty’s Twitter (which saying something), like the sound of Jack’s deep voice, the softness of his T-shirt against Bitty’s cheek, and the scent of his cologne mixed in with every breath Bitty takes.
He and Jack have been sitting out on the porch for hours. Initially, they sat at opposite ends of the porch swing, but they’ve been moving closer and closer ever since Bitty’s parents went to bed and they got the world to themselves.
It started with Bitty putting his hand on Jack’s, and soon after, Jack turned his hand over to intertwine his fingers with Bitty’s.
While they held hands, they talked about the usual stuff, like hockey and pie and the other boys from Samwell. Jack asked how Bitty’s blog was doing, and Bitty asked if he could upload an interview with Jack to get more views. Jack agreed before realizing that Bitty had been joking.
Somewhere down the line, they scooted close enough that their knees were touching. Bitty leaned in a little closer, and Jack wrapped his arm around Bitty’s shoulders, pulling Bitty in close. Bitty nestled his face against Jack’s chest and sighed contentedly before continuing the conversation.
Jack talked about his new team, and mentioned a few concerns over whether he’d get on with the Falconers the same way he did the boys from Samwell. As the conversation went on, Jack got a little braver and admitted that, even if there was no question that he wanted to go into the NHL, he feels a little hesitant at times to be going back into the spotlight. He confided in Bitty that it’s been making his anxiety worse lately, and he has an appointment with his psychiatrist as soon as he gets home from his visit to Georgia.
Jack could tell that he’d made Bitty worry, but he assured him that he didn’t have to. If anything, Jack should be thanking Bitty, because ever since he arrived at the airport and saw Bitty there waiting for him, he’s been feeling so, so much better.
Bitty talked about the future (or rather, about how much he didn’t want to talk about the future). Even if he was only a junior and still had two full years ahead of him, he doesn’t want to think about graduation, and he especially doesn’t want to think about what comes next, because he feels like he has no idea. He told Jack about how on good days, it makes him nervous, and on bad days, it makes him absolutely sick to his stomach. The fact that Jack and Shitty won’t be there next year doesn’t help at all, and Bitty isn’t sure he’s ready for how different it’s going to be. He went into detail about his plans to bond with the new frogs, because the sooner the Samwell men’s hockey team feels like a family again, the sooner Bitty can stop feeling like everything is changing so much.
Jack almost looked guilty that his absence was going to make Bitty stress so much, but Bitty insisted he shouldn’t feel bad. On the contrary, just being able to text Jack is one of the things that helps relieve Bitty’s stress the most. Whenever his mind starts wandering to unnecessary, stressful places, a response from Jack always, always soothes his worries.
At some point, Bitty draped his legs over Jack’s lap, and Jack has been absentmindedly running his thumb back and forth over Bitty’s thigh ever since, resting his hand just below the hem of Bitty’s shorts. Jack’s touch on Bitty’s bare skin is so warm and gentle and perfect, and even if part of him is terrified one of his parents will wake up and see them, Bitty feels so safe, curled up against Jack like this.
And it was when they were sitting like this that they talked about someday. Not The Future, because The Future was big and scary and always looming, but Someday, which was abstract and lovely.
Someday, Jack wants a dog. He thinks it would be fun to have a running partner, and he likes the idea of taking care of one. He wants to adopt from a shelter, and he’s not picky about what kind of dog, as long as it’s a bigger breed. He has no ideas for names, though, so he told Bitty he’ll have to ask him for opinions when the time comes.
Someday, Bitty wants to write a cookbook. Whether it’s as a living or just a hobby, he wants to print all the recipes he’s perfected over the years into something beautiful and hardcover, with glossy pages and professional photographs of his pies and his name on the cover in a classy font. Jack not-so-subtly pointed out that he’s taken several nice pictures of Bitty’s food before. Bitty initially feigned horror at the idea of hiring an amateur, but after some very persuasive neck kisses, Bitty promised that he’d take a look at his portfolio.
Someday, Jack wants to own a house, and Bitty does, too, so they plan this dream together, discussing various locations and sizes and the merits of carpet versus hardwood floors. Bitty, of course, had every aspect of his dream kitchen planned out already, so Jack just sat and listened to him, nodding and laughing softly at Bitty’s vivid explanation. At the end of it all, Bitty expected Jack to start chirping him, but Jack didn’t, instead just murmuring a sincere, “That sounds nice.”
“Yeah,” Bitty agreed quietly. He nuzzled his face against the crook of Jack’s neck. “I think so, too.”
After that, the conversation started to slow down. In between big pauses, the two murmured decisions for a big backyard, with space for Bitty to have his own garden and a big tree for Jack to build a treehouse, and then the conversation trailed off, and they go quiet. Jack’s thumb is still moving comfortingly back and forth across Bitty’s thigh.
With the conversation died down, Bitty is left to his own thoughts, and he is just in disbelief. To think it was only a few months ago that Bitty would’ve never even let himself imagine any this happening. He used to be so completely, utterly convinced that there wasn’t even a chance Jack felt the same way about him.
And even with everything that’s happened between them, it still hasn’t fully sunk in that Jack likes him, that Jack wants him, that Jack would come stay at his house for a few days for a holiday he doesn’t even celebrate, that Jack would be content sitting on the porch with Bitty just talking for hours and hours while cuddling like this.
“Jack?” Bitty murmurs after a few minutes of silence between them.
“Mm?”
“Does this feel... surreal to you?”
“Surreal?” Jack repeats, sounding amused.
“I know we’ve been texting about it since May, but... well, this is the first time I’ve seen you in person since we got together,” Bitty points out, pulling back to look Jack in the eye.
This turns out to be a mistake, because Jack looks back at him with his look, his absolutely ridiculous expression where he has all the love in the world in his eyes and the softest smile on his lips, and Bitty completely loses his train of thought until Jack speaks.
“Doesn’t seeing each other in person make this more real?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” Bitty says with a shrug. “Being together is just so different when we’re... together.”
Jack’s smile widens a little, and Bitty can tell a chirp is coming, so he quickly continues before Jack can say a word.
“I just mean that I’ve started getting used to flirting over text and all that,” he says, nudging Jack because he doesn’t want to hear whatever it was Jack was going to say, “but when we’re together...” Bitty put his hand gently on Jack’s chest, just over his heart. “I can just touch you now. And it’s fine. That’s crazy.”
Jack laughs. “Is it?”
“It is,” Bitty insists, wanting to shake his head because Jack has no idea how much Bitty has held himself back ever since he realized his feelings for Jack. “I mean, Lord - I could kiss you right now if I wanted to.”
“You could,” Jack confirms with a nod.
And this makes Bitty hesitate, because, yeah, Bitty can. Jack’s lips are right there, and they’re still smiling softly, and even just thinking about kissing them makes Bitty’s heart skip a beat. There’s no one around to see the two of them, and he has Jack’s permission. There’s nothing in the world stopping him from kissing Jack.
So he does. He moves his hands up to cup Jack’s face and pulls Jack in to plant a kiss to his lips, just because he can. It’s short and sweet, nothing fancy, but God, even that is enough to make Bitty feel a little dizzy.
And Jack is just smiling at him, his expression somehow even more loving than before, and Bitty isn’t sure what he did to deserve so much.
“I can just do that,” he says in disbelief.
Jack chuckles. “Yeah, you can.”
So Bitty does it again, kissing Jack a little longer this time because he can’t resist, and the feeling of Jack kissing him back is just hypnotizing.
When Bitty pulls away a second time, he’s already getting out of breath. “...A-and you actually want me to.”
Jack leans his forehead against Bitty’s and moves his hand ever so slightly up Bitty’s thigh. “Yeah. I do.”
And Bitty is just dying. His heart is racing so fast, he’s surely going to have a heart attack, and he definitely has a fever. Or maybe he’s just blushing that hard. Either way, it can’t be healthy. Jack Zimmermann can’t be good for him. Nothing in this world as good as Jack Zimmermann is healthy.
Bitty takes a deep breath. “I don’t know that I’m ever gonna get used to this.”
“Maybe we just need practice,” Jack suggests, trying not to grin.
“This is a lot more fun than your checking practices ever were,” Bitty points out, hoping a little light chirping will prevent him melting even more than he already is.
“And you’re a lot better at this, too,” Jack counters, and Bitty’s jaw drops a little. He isn’t sure whether to be offended at the teasing or exceedingly flustered because Jack, in a very roundabout way, implied that he’s a good kisser. But before he can decide, Jack just laughs at Bitty’s reaction, mumbling something to himself in French before kissing Bitty again. Bitty wants to pull away and ask what he said, but... He also really, really does not want to pull away.
So he doesn’t. Instead, he just wraps his arms around Jack’s neck, just because he can, because Jack wants him to, because Jack wants him. Because Jack’s hand feels so good on his thigh, and his arm feels so strong and protective around his waist, and the way he kisses Bitty is so impossibly gentle and perfect. Because Bitty didn’t know until Jack came along that someone could make him feel so treasured, and so safe, and so, so warm. Because maybe Jack Zimmermann isn’t bad for him at all. Maybe Jack Zimmermann is very, very good for him, and right now, all Bitty wants is Jack’s kiss, Jack’s touch, Jack’s very proximity, because for so long, he was convinced he would never have it, and now that it’s right in front of him, Bitty is going to take as much as he can get.
Bitty completely loses himself in the kiss, and he has no idea how long they’ve been making out on his porch when he finally pulls away to breathe and opens his eyes. And the world does not look quite the same as it did when he closed his eyes for that kiss.
“Jack?”
“Mm?”
“Is it... getting lighter out?”
The two of them tear their eyes away from each other to look at the sky, and sure enough, it’s definitely a few shades lighter than it was before.
“How long were we out here?” Bitty asks, quickly pulling away from Jack and standing up.
“Well, we came out here around ten-”
“Don’t answer that,” Bitty interrupts in a hushed voice as he takes Jack’s hands and tugs him to his feet. “C’mon, before the sun actually rises and we’ve been out here all night.”
Jack lets Bitty pull him up, but once he’s on his feet, he stays exactly where he is, holding onto Bitty’s hands and smiling down at him. “A few more minutes won’t make a difference,” he said.
Of course Jack was right, but Bitty doesn’t want to admit it. He’s had fantasies before about what it would be like to stay out all night with a boy and sneak in the back door in the morning so his parents wouldn’t know what he’d been doing, but he never thought it was actually going to happen. (Did it still count if they technically hadn’t left the house?) Now that it is happening, it’s not so much fun and giggly like he imagined as it is embarrassing.
But with Jack’s hands holding his, his grip gentle but solid, and that look of his on his face, and the Georgia sky beginning to glow behind him, Bitty can’t find it in himself to drag Jack inside and call it a night just yet. He sighs. “What do you need a few more minutes for?”
Jack just leans down and kisses Bitty again, and even if they just spent who knows how long making out on Bitty’s porch swing, Bitty’s heart flutters like it’s the first time he’s ever been kissed. He has no idea how Jack has this kind of effect on him, how Jack is so good at this, how the same boy who used to practice checking with him now kisses him and touches him like he’s the most precious, fragile, delicate thing on this earth.
When Jack pulls away, Bitty forgets for a moment that the sun is rising, too lost in Jack’s tenderness and the blue of his eyes.
(And also, the whole staying-up-all-night-and-not-getting-any-sleep thing might be starting to take effect.)
“Jack,” Bitty murmurs.
“Yes?”
Bitty forgets what he was going to say, and instead goes on his tiptoes to kiss Jack again. He can feel Jack trying not to smile too much against his lips, but Jack fails and has to pull away. He’s grinning widely as he reminds Bitty, “I thought you wanted to go inside.”
Bitty quickly shakes his head to snap out of it. “Right,” he says, stepping around Jack to head for the door. “That.”
Jack just chuckles to himself as he gladly follows behind Bitty, still holding on to one of his hands.
With Jack close behind, Bitty opens the back door to the house as slowly and carefully as possible, looking both ways to make sure neither of his parents had decided to get up early this morning, only letting Jack inside once he’s confirmed that the coast is clear.
As he makes his way from the back door, through the kitchen, toward the hallway and to his bedroom, Jack gives his hand a light squeeze, and Bitty thinks to himself that maybe sneaking in after being with a boy all night is a little fun after all. Given, of course, that the boy is sneaking in, too, and Bitty won’t get in any trouble at all for having this boy sleep in his room. Also given that that boy is Jack Zimmermann.
Once in the safety of Bitty’s room, they both strip down into something more suitable for sleeping. For Bitty, this just means kicking off his shoes before flopping face-first onto his bed, and after nuzzling his face sleepily against his pillow for a moment, he turns his face to watch Jack as he slips off his jeans. Bitty feels himself flush, and it’s not even because it’s a scandalous thing to see, or because Jack’s ass looks even better out of his jeans, or any reason like that. He turns red because Jack Zimmermann is just so beautiful. He’s strong and solid and angular, all light and shadow in the golden glow of the sunrise coming through the gaps between the blinds in Bitty’s window. There’s the way Jack Zimmermann moves, the way Jack Zimmermann stands, the way he carefully folds his jeans before tossing them in his suitcase, all with this quiet confidence, too stiff to be called graceful but too assured to be called awkward. Bitty finds himself mesmerized by the way he takes up space, the broadness of his shoulders and the deepness of his breathing. Jack’s features are so sharp, his muscles, his jawline, his cheekbones, the piercing blue of his eyes, but when he turns to look at Bitty, and he gets that look once more, he’s all softness.
“Staring?” he asks with a smile.
Bitty’s filled with too much adoration to feel embarrassed, so instead of responding, he just holds out his hand. Jack doesn’t hesitate to take it, more than willing to follow as Bitty tugs him closer to the bed. Jack crawls into bed beside Bitty and pulls his waist into his arms with ease, like they’d done this a thousand times, but he blushes like it’s something new, something to feel hesitant about.
As the sun continues to rise, Bitty’s room gets brighter and brighter, and Jack looks wonderful surrounded in a halo of golden, glowing light, and Bitty never thought he would fall as hard for someone as he has for Jack.
“Jack?” Bitty murmurs, his voice light but his heart full enough to burst.
“Yes?”
And hearing Jack’s voice, watching his eyes as he searches Bitty’s face for a clue as to what he’s going to say, Bitty remembers what he was going to say earlier out on the porch. But even when he’s so sleep-deprived and hypnotized by everything Jack is, he knows it’s too early for these three words. Someday, definitely. But not right now. So Bitty picks three different words.
“I’m so tired.”
Jack grins before pressing a kiss to Bitty’s forehead. “Get some sleep. Staying up so late isn’t good for you.”
“And whose fault is that?” Bitty asks, trying to keep his laughter quiet.
“Well, to be fair, you kept me up all night, too,” Jack points out. “So we’re even.”
“I guess so,” Bitty sighs before burying his face in the crook of Jack’s neck, moving a hand up to rest on Jack’s heart. “Goodnight, Jack.”
There’s a moment of hesitation before Jack murmurs, “Bitty?”
“Yes?”
Jack pauses, and Bitty can feel his heart rate pick up beneath Bitty’s palm. But whatever he was going to say, he seems to decide against it, letting out a deep breath before saying softly, “It’s ‘good morning’.”
And Bitty can’t help but wonder if Jack was thinking the same thing and holding back the same three words that Bitty was. Sure, it’s ridiculous, because they’ve only been together as a couple for about two months and have only been together physically two times since, but Jack has certainly proven himself to be exceedingly ridiculous...
Bitty just smiles to himself. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”
Jack tightens his arm around Bitty’s waist, and Bitty feels so warm and safe, he can’t help but be overcome with a heavier wave of sleepiness. His eyelids are too heavy to stay open, and all of his limbs feel like they never want to move again. And it’s in this sleepiness that Bitty decides Jack was right about what he said earlier, about how physically being together makes this feel more real. It still seems almost unimaginable that Jack would so willingly climb into Bitty’s bed with him, that he would kiss his forehead and get in a chirp or two before sleep, that he was just maybe holding back a ridiculous, too-soon declaration for Bitty, but it doesn’t matter how surreal it seems, because Jack is here anyway. He’s holding Bitty close, and his heart is beating beneath Bitty’s hand.
Bitty finally lets himself relax and waits for sleep to finally come, and he decides that for now, Jack being here is enough.