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Not long after the girls turned nine months old, Niles and Daphne had to take them to the doctor for a topic neither were quite ready or eager to breach. “I really do hope they took after you in this department,” Niles commented with a sigh. “I don't want our girls to have to live on edge all the time by accidentally coming across the wrong thing.”
“Oh now, Niles,” Daphne soothed as she gently rubbed his forearm as they stood side by side in the elevator on their way up to the doctor’s office. “You’ve managed to thrive under such conditions, haven’t you?”
“By some miracle,” he retorted with a huff, not really buying her comfort. “It has been a struggle.”
“I have no doubt about that–”
“You’d be surprised how often parchment mites caused such misery for me.”
Yes, the twins had turned old enough that they needed to be tested for allergies, and knowing his own history, Niles would rather not go through this step even though he knew it was very important for their girls that these tests occurred.
“I know, Niles,” Daphne told him with her calm confidence, “but if you and I can manage to keep you safe from rose hips, Jerusalem artichokes…”
“Cumin, scallops…nutmeg…”
“All-bran, cats, and parchment mites,” she finished, “we can do the same for our daughters too.”
He didn’t answer right away, but he was clearly contemplating the thought, trying to adopt her confidence as his own. Finally, as the elevator doors opened, he said, “Well, I suppose you’re right about that.”
“Of course I am,” she said with a pleased grin as they walked out, Niles pushing the stroller ahead of them. “It’s going to be alright, love. No matter what news we get, it’s going to be alright.”
The news they received wasn’t as positive as either of them hoped, especially Niles, but they both had to concede it could have been a lot worse. Out of the list of things Niles was allergic to, both tested positive for being allergic to cumin, scallops, and cats. Katie was allergic to nutmeg, and Mia was allergic to rose hips. The surprises were the fact that Katie was also allergic to insect stings, and shellfish was added to Mia’s list of allergies.
“Well that was a surprise,” Niles commented after they received the results of the girls’ tests.
Daphne nodded. “I’ll say. The shellfish wasn’t that big of a stretch considering the scallops, but the bee stings came out of nowhere.”
“Not just bee stings, Daphne. This includes wasps and ants too.”
She made a face. “Ants can sting?”
“Fire ants, harvester ants, and even some carpenter ants sting. Some other species of ants can bite and spray acid.”
“Niles, why do you know that? That doesn’t at all sound like something you would need to know.”
“Ohhhh, when I was up with Katie a few weeks ago, there was nothing on television, so I watched a special on myrmecology, which ,” he added quickly, guessing his bride’s next question, “is the scientific study of ants.”
“Oh I see. It’s amazin’ what they put on television during those wee hours. I remember one of me brothers tellin’ me about a show called Weird that came on during those late-night hours. It was a horror movie show hosted by some gent called Uncle Gory.”
“Uncle Gory,” Niles repeated incredulously.
“Yes! Uncle Gory. And with a name like that, you practically have to be in a horror movie.”
Niles blinked a few times before deciding it wasn’t worth going down that particular rabbit hole any further before saying, “The point is though, we will have more to watch out for than the typical suspects with me.”
“Only a couple of things, and those are big things. Very manageable. We can keep our eyes out for insects and shellfish, Niles. It’s not going to be as challenging as you think. A few minor adjustments, and we’ll be right as rain.” She gave his cheek a soft kiss. “You’ll see.”
He knew she was right, of course, and the logical side of his mind told him it wasn’t his fault Mia and Katie had these allergies. If he had a choice, he would spare his children from such things, but that was just how genetics worked. His emotional side didn’t care what his brain knew, he gave his children annoying allergies.
So in his continuing quest to be a good father, he decided to do what seemed natural to do: police everything that came in contact with his princesses.
It started when Martin, being the doting grandfather that he is though he would never admit it, bought the twins cat plushies that were safe for children their age. He showed them off to Daphne first and asked, “What’d ya think? You think they’ll like them?”
Daphne couldn’t help but chuckle fondly over the man’s demeanor. “Oh Martin, they’re going to love them. They’ve been quite fond of soft things lately. Except for their teeth, of course. This teething thing is rather brutal at times.”
“Tell me about it. Niles was as bad as a puppy, chewing on everything to get some kind of relief for his gums.”
“Oh dear,” she mumbled to herself, imagining her girls chewing on things they shouldn’t be chewing on.
Martin continued on, fighting a smirk from spreading across his face, “The fact he chewed on my slippers once didn’t help the comparison either.”
“Oh stop it, you,” Daphne said through her giggles as she playfully smacked Martin’s shoulder.
“His mother called, ‘Here, Niles! Here, boy,’ once, and sure enough, here he came.”
“Stop it!” Daphne insisted, though she kept giggling. “That’s not very nice.”
But at that moment, Niles walked into the room, and he greeted happily, “Dad! Hi! I thought I heard you,” which only made Martin and Daphne laugh harder. A perplexed Niles frowned as he approached, slightly confused as he asked, “Uh, what brings you over, Dad?”
“Well son, I brought over something for the girls. I got them at the mall, and I couldn’t wait until I saw them next to give it to them.”
“Look,” Daphne said sweetly as she showed her husband the stuffed cat toys in her hands. “Aren’t they adorable?”
“Oh,” Niles muttered as he stared at the toys with a conflicted expression. “They’re cats.”
“So? They’re rather soft,” she answered.
Martin added, “And they’re safe for the babies, I checked.”
“Did you, Dad?” Niles asked while giving his father a bit of an offensive look. “Because they’re cats.”
“So what? I don’t understand what the big deal is.”
“We are not going to have cats in this house.”
Martin made a face at this, clearly wondering if the joke from earlier had stuck far longer than he ever imagined. Meanwhile, Daphne stated calmly, “Niles honey, just because you and the girls are allergic to cats doesn’t mean we can’t have toy cats in the house.”
“Noooo, I’m not so sure about that.”
“Why?”
“Because cat toys will indicate to the girls that cats are safe for them when they are, in fact, not, and then they might be out somewhere and see a real cat and get too close and then have an allergic reaction! And it could be violent!”
“But we can teach them the difference–”
“The better approach is avoid, evade, and deflect,” Niles insisted as he took the cat toys from Daphne and gave them back to Martin. “Thanks for the consideration, Dad, but there are no cats allowed here.”
“But Niles,” Martin insisted with a bit of a whine, “they’re just toys! It’s not like they’re made out of actual cat hair!”
“Get those cats out !” Niles barked out, making Martin scurry off as fast as his cane would allow.
“Alright alright! I’m going!”
Niles had also taken it upon himself to cook and prepare the girls’ meals by himself to make sure that not only were they getting a yummy meal but that there would be nothing fed to the twins that would cause an allergic reaction. Which also meant that any time the family went anywhere, Niles had food for the babies at the ready. It was quite the scandal for Niles to bring a cooler of food he had prepared for the babies into Le Cigare Volant, never mind the fact one of the chefs took it as a personal insult that Niles would not feed the chef’s food to his own children, especially when Niles had been a loyal patron for so many years.
It was also a bit scandalous that Niles brought his nine month old twins into Le Cigare Volant to begin with, but the cooler incident only escalated the whole affair. However, it gave Daphne a legitimate excuse to keep her family away from Le Cigare Volant for a while anyway, over which she was secretly pleased.
Frasier, however, was not pleased when the scandal extended to him, and the chef felt the need to feed Frasier only an earful the next time he tried to dine at Le Cigare Volant, and he planned to discuss that with his brother immediately. Unfortunately for Frasier, Niles did not answer his phone, and Martin managed to calm his son down enough to suggest discussing it over the next family dinner. Though it was a reluctant acceptance of the temporary circumstances, Frasier didn’t push the matter until the next time he saw Niles.
That occurred sooner than Frasier expected when Niles arrived a few hours ahead of the scheduled family dinner…to cook it.
“Niles,” Frasier greeted in surprise as he opened the door. He had to break away from the kitchen to answer the door, and he had preparations well underway. “You’re, uhh,” he muttered, trying to recover from the unexpected early guest. “You’re here well ahead of schedule for dinner, aren’t you?”
As he let Niles in, that’s when he noticed his brother carried multiple totes full of groceries. “Perhaps for dinner, yes, but not for cooking it,” Niles said in place of a greeting, though he did give his brother a cheery grin as he entered.
Frasier’s unblinking gaze followed Niles in while he remained stuck at the door. “...Cooking it?”
“Yes, Frasier, cooking it. And I’m terribly sorry I didn’t coordinate with you sooner, but I got busy and let the time get away from me,” Niles told him as he strode for the kitchen. “Oh and you’ve already begun prepping,” he added with disappointment. “I was hoping to catch you before you did. I knew I should have called from the car.”
Finally remembering himself enough to follow, Frasier closed the door and hurried into the kitchen. “Niles, what do you mean you’ve come to cook? It’s my turn. He who hosts, cooks. That was the agreement.”
“That was the agreement,” Niles amended as he tried to find room to place his totes, “but I think that needs to be rectified.”
With a nervous energy that was slowly building, Frasier watched his brother shift things around in his kitchen and practically squeaked out, “On what grounds??”
“Your nieces’ allergies, of course. Ever since Daphne and I learned about Katie and Mia’s allergies, I have taken it upon myself to make sure their diet is void of such things that could render an allergic attack.”
“Oh yes,” Frasier hummed, the nervous energy ebbing enough for the psychiatrist in him to view the scene. “Like how you make sure the girls don’t go near anything that might resemble what they’re allergic to…”
“Frasier,” Niles stopped what he was doing and gave his brother a pointed look, “if you’re referring to Dad and the stuffed cats, I had a very good reason for that.”
“Oh yes, I heard about your reasoning, Niles. Are you going to not let the girls look at pictures of bumble bees too?” Niles merely answered with a glare as he carefully set aside some of the things Frasier had done in the kitchen already. “And is it really necessary for you to cook every time your girls need to eat? I’ve cooked meals for you before, have I not? And how many allergic reactions have you had from my cooking?”
Before Frasier finished speaking, Niles started his answer, “Well there was that one–”
“I told you, that was not an allergic reaction to my cooking. That was a rash from baby’s-breath, you fool. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to food on your legs ?”
“Well…” Niles was quiet for a moment, clearly racking his brain for a plausible yes, but eventually he admitted, “no.”
“Exactly. Mom, Dad, Daphne, and I have been able to help you keep an eye out for things that you’re allergic to, and we’ve helped you remain healthy, have we not?”
Niles nodded quickly at that. “Yes, you have, and I’m of course grateful to you all for that, but this is different.”
“How is this different?”
“It just is,” Niles insisted.
“Why?” When Niles didn’t answer, Frasier gently ventured a guess. “Because these are your babies?” Niles still didn’t answer, but his movements stilled. “Niles,” he continued, “I completely understand the parental need to protect your children. I’ve experienced it too many times to count. So has Dad, and now you and Daphne are experiencing the same. It’s a good instinct to have. But it can also be overdone.”
Niles sighed heavily, shoulders bouncing once from the gesture. “Do you think I’m not aware?” he asked quietly. “ Logically , I know that I’m overdoing it. Logically , I know that what I’m doing is rather…intense and - and a bit smothering. But part of me doesn’t care about logic because the health and safety of my children are at stake.”
“At least you admit you can see that much. Niles, there is nothing wrong with protecting your children. At this stage of life, they need you and Daphne more than they need anyone or anything else, and you’re both doing a good job of caring for them and raising them in love, safety, and good health. But this behavior, Niles,” Frasier shook his head, “this needs to stop before it gets worse. I mean, you took a cooler into Le Cigare Volant , for God’s sake. Why did you even take the girls to Le Cigare Volant anyway?”
“Ohhhhh,” Niles groaned and shook his head, “I don’t know. I think - I think I was trying to prove to myself that what I was doing wasn’t as consuming as the logical side was making it out to be. Not only did I disprove myself, I got myself temporarily banned until either the chef gets mad at someone else or I bribe my way back into his good graces.”
“And you got me banned too, you know?”
Niles’ eyes grew wide as he finally looked at his brother for the first time since this conversation started. “No. He banned you too?”
“In a grand display worthy of a ticked off Frenchman, yes,” Frasier nodded.
“Oh Frasier, I’m so sorry. I never dreamed that…” he paused as he dropped his gaze some. “No, I can’t really say that truthfully. A part of me knew that my actions would eventually bring some kind of trouble.” He sighed again before asking, “How was Dad after the whole cat thing?”
“Oh you know Dad.” Frasier offered his brother a soft smirk. “He blamed himself for not buying dog plushies for the girls anyway.”
Niles scoffed out a chuckle. “To add to the two he got the girls that look remarkably like Eddie.”
Frasier chuckled and added, “Only Dad could find plushies that look like Eddie. I’m pretty sure he’s got one of those himself.”
The boys quietly laughed at that before they lapsed into silence for a moment. Then Niles looked around the kitchen, and the whole situation finally settled on him then with striking clarity. “I’m so sorry, Frasier. Look at me, commandeering your kitchen to cook and even bringing my own groceries and ingredients, and, oh God , I brought a cooler to Le Cigare Volant!”
“That you did, yes,” Frasier confirmed with a gentle nod.
“I know I’m being ridiculous, but…” he gave his brother a helpless look with a matching shrug. “They’re my whole world, Frasier. And they’re so fragile.”
“Perceived fragility is not the same as actual fragility, Niles. Yes, in many regards, they are fragile, but in just as many ways, they’re so very strong. You’ll learn that the longer you’re a parent.”
“But I don’t know what to do about now . How am I supposed to relax my…my…”
Frasier supplied, “Tyranny in the name of protection?”
Niles rolled his eyes though he nodded in reluctant agreement. “Yes, something like that.”
“Do you trust your family with you ?”
“Of course.”
“Do you believe we don’t hold as much love and devotion for them as we do for you?”
Niles shook his head slowly. “No, I do not.”
“Then the first step is to remember that every time the doubt and urgency to take control sets in. It takes a village after all, and if I do say so myself, you have quite the dapper village in your corner, Niles.” The joking tone faded into a soft, serious one. “Trust us to care for your girls as much as we do for you. We’ve proven ourselves with you, and we will do the same with your girls.” Frasier placed a hand on Niles’ shoulder and said, “It’s going to be okay.”
Niles released a long, relieved breath before he nodded again. “Alright. I trust you. I do. I trust you all. It’s just–”
Frasier nodded. “I know. It’s different when it’s your kids. But you’ll see, once you relinquish that kind of control, you’ll find out things work out for the better."
The younger Crane sighed. "That's what Daphne said. I wish I had listened sooner."
"It's alright, Niles. You can tell her she was right, and you are working on letting go. She will help you with that too, as you know. Now then,” he clapped Niles’ shoulder before dropping his hand to collect ingredients, his voice booming with pride and a dramatic flair, “it’s been a while since the Crane boys have created magic in the kitchen together. What do you say, Niles? Would you like to create a culinary, allergy-safe creation with me?”
“It would be my great honor,” Niles responded in kind.
Meanwhile, while the boys were in the kitchen, Martin returned home with a bag full of toys for the girls, including two more dog plushies…though they did not look like Eddie this time.