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I’m okay. Omw back to Dystopia, will be there tmrw. Henry hits send and promptly puts his phone on airplane mode. He is, of course, about to enter an airplane, but he’s even more strongly motivated by very much not wanting to see Charlotte shout at him over text. Whatever she’s going to reply, she’ll probably be totally right. Henry feels terrible about leaving her and Jasper behind, and putting the Danger Force kids in danger, and making Ray feel betrayed. But that’s just it: he’s so aware of everything he did wrong by leaving that he doesn’t think he can stand his best friend pointing it out.
In all honesty, he’d rather not get on this plane right now. He’s never been this scared, not even when he was on top of a blimp and about to crash into Mount Swellview. He had accepted his inevitable fate then, accepted that he would give himself up for this town. Now, there’s another option: to run. And he runs, and he runs, like a scared animal. Sometimes he wishes his would-be fate really was inevitable but as it is, he feels even more caged than back when he was Kid Danger. He doesn’t want to go back to Dystopia, but he has to. And even if he didn’t, Blackout would still be after him.
It is with these grim thoughts that he falls asleep on the plane and the rest of the journey home he barely notices anything but his anxiety. Charlotte and Jasper were so worried. What if Henry’s gone too far this time? They’ve been worrying about him for years, what if one day they grow tired and want to live their own lives where they don’t constantly have to worry about their idiot of a best friend? Or what if they always stay by Henry’s side out of loyalty, even when it’s bad for them, when he’s destroying them like Kid Danger destroyed him?
He almost can’t get himself to turn the key when he gets home, but the second he opens the door, he hears fast-paced footsteps and Jasper crashes into him in a hug. This, at least, feels familiar, feels okay. It’s one of the rare moments where he feels safe and peaceful these days. Then, Charlotte hugs him even tighter, only to immediately slap his cheek.
“Never do that again!” she yells and then she hugs him again. Henry hugs her back, though the guilt is settling even more firmly in his stomach and he just wants to disappear. Why did he ever decide to keep fighting crime? Why couldn’t he just settle down somewhere, maybe try to go back to school and just have the quiet life he should’ve gotten as a teenager? He keeps asking himself these questions even though he knows very well he can’t handle actually answering them. And every day he still gets up and fights crime. He doesn’t think he can do anything else.
“So what happened?” Jasper asks. “Why did you leave?” There’s a little bite in his voice, but mostly he just looks sad.
Henry doesn’t know how to respond. He knows why he left: he’s downright terrified in a way he’s never known before. He’s always been a fighter, but Blackout activated the flight response he didn’t know he had. And he doesn’t want to think about that and he certainly doesn’t want to talk about it, so he is stammering and stumbling over words while Jasper and Charlotte look at him expectantly.
“Just tell us, Henry,” Jasper implores, his eyes serious in a way Henry feels they shouldn’t be. Jasper was always the sunshine of the group and now, there’s a darkness about him that makes Henry want to flee.
“Please,” Jasper tries once more. Henry bites his lip. He really doesn’t want to cry.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he whispers with a barely-concealed sob and he sounds like a petulant little kid for god’s sake. And he didn’t even answer Jasper’s question. He’s just in a rough patch right now, there’s just this one terrible guy who wants to suck his soul out of his body and he does not love that but he still wants to do this. Right? He needs to do this. What else is he going to do? (What did being Kid Danger do to him?)
Jasper frowns in confusion, but Charlotte takes him by the arm and gets him settled on the couch. It’s rare that she’s so gentle with him, especially when she has every reason to be angry. It makes all the alarm bells go off inside Henry’s head. Is he really doing so badly?
“Tell us what made you leave,” Charlotte says softly as she and Jasper sit down next to Henry. Henry feels pathetic. He’s a superhero. He was a sidekick for years and now he’s a superhero. He should be better, stronger. Not feeling like he’s about to break down literally all the time.
“Blackout is so scary,” he says, trying to get his breathing under control. “I mean, he wants to suck my soul out! And I can’t - I just can’t deal with it. I went back to Swellview because I thought I’d be safe in the Man’s Nest, I thought he couldn’t track me down, and he couldn’t, but then I had to go on a mission with Ray and he found us and I left a bunch of kids to fight him, Char. And they did, they did a great job, but - what’s happening to me?” He can forget about the whole getting his breathing under control thing, that’s for sure.
Charlotte just quietly wraps an arm around him. A chill goes down Henry’s back when he realises she doesn’t have an answer. Jasper takes Henry’s hand and rubs circles on its back with his thumb.
They sit in silence until Henry’s stomach begins to rumble and Charlotte gets up to warm up some food. They eat side by side. The next day, they go out and fight crime. Henry thinks the weight that presses on his chest will never go away. He keeps going nonetheless. What other choice does he have?