Archive of Our Own ^beta

Madoka loved her friends.

A lot.

Well, at least as much as any girl her age.

And if asked, she would say she knew her friends pretty well.

Even without the partial omniscience. Though, that certainly did help.

So, when she was given an ever-increasing stack of homework to bring to Kyouko, she should have been able to find her.

She should have known enough about her to tell where she lived.

Right?

Good friends are supposed to know that kind of thing about one another. And she was a good friend. No matter what the mean thoughts at the back of her head claimed.

So after going through all the obvious locations, mostly consisting of different arcades and food stands of dubious quality and even more dubious legality, she was forced to surrender. Except giving up, it just wasn’t her nature.

At least, she didn’t want it to be. Especially giving up on her friends.

Taking a deep breath helped. Thinking about it did too. Eventually, after too long time, she remembered there was a store Kyouko worked at.

It didn’t help much. The manager quickly clarified he didn’t even want to know what Kyouko did in her free time, citing increasingly ridiculous and violent possible scenarios. Madoka was pretty sure Kyouko wasn’t a yakuza princess.

The last obvious place would have been Sayka. But she wasn’t answering her texts. Probably doing cardio.

Madoka didn’t know if it was mean or not, but she simply could not imagine Kyouko exercising. Not that she wasn’t fit, nor would there be anything wrong if she wasn’t, just… She seemed more prone to games than exercise.

But, before a month ago, she couldn’t have imagined checking the window every night before sleep to see if someone was watching. She still remembered the time Homura and her dolls were. Time changed people. She honestly didn’t know if she did for the better or worse. Not that there was a clear-cut way to tell.

She stood in place, trying very hard not to let her simmering thoughts bubble to the surface. Just before her despair could surface, she moved. There was no other choice. She had to give up her pride and find Kyouko. To admit her utter failure as a friend, and by extension as a human being. But at least her grades won’t suffer only because Madoka couldn’t actually find one of her best friends.

Using her power, it was not like any human instinct. Not used with an ease of a limb. Not even like magic before. It felt like using a nuclear reactor to power a single lightbulb. Or attempting to put an elephant through a needle. A reminder it was not meant to be used like this, but something far beyond even the scope of this planet.

Even in the worst timelines, when hope was hard even for her to reach, she couldn’t help but love magic. Here, her powers made her queasy.

Well, she could have asked Kyouko. She even wrote a message. Just didn’t send it.

As irrational as the fear was, she didn’t want to show Kyouko that weakness. A friend should have known where her friend was.

She should have noticed something was suspicious when the law of cycles metaphorically ran away from the knowledge of where Kyouko was.

Needless to say, divine powers shouldn’t have been as cowardly as her watching a horror movie.

(At least Sayaka didn’t want to watch them anymore)

But, even if her power wasn’t working as intended (because why would anything she ever made work right) she could still tell the general outline of what it was avoiding.

Kyouko was with Sayaka. Her power couldn’t find them. Sayaka didn’t answer her phone.

It all painted a pretty ugly picture.

She tried calming herself down. Not overreacting. She needed to be brave like Homura.

She tried to reach to the stars again, cast her power over fate once more to find her friends. The response was hard to describe. Like every instrument in an orchestra was letting out a separate screech. Utter, primal terror of even coming close to Sayaka.

It was too much. If her friends were in danger she needed to help.

She ran with the speed of a three-legged starving cat towards the Sayaka’s apartment. (She still wasn’t athletic, because incompetence was the hallmark of her existence)

She needed to protect them. (Not that she did the last time)

The taste of iron colored her mouth. Her lungs doing raspy sounds she knew no human organs should. But she was there. Hopefully fast enough.

She opened the door despite the frankly numerous warnings her power provided her.

(Idiot)

Thankfully, it wasn’t locked. She still stumbled on the lock.

Running directly into the living room she saw something she never should have.

Kyouko and Sayaka. Making out. Their shirts on the floor.

“Madoka!”

She ran away from the room, words sticking together like glue following behind her.

“IAMSOSORRY!HEREHOMEWORK!HAVEFUN!BYE!

She threw the small mountain of homework into the room like it was a grenade and closed the doors with a loud thump.

Great. And now Sayaka will worry about her.

She plopped on the floor in a position she would find too pathetic to call fetal. She didn’t really know any other word for it, sadly.

Sayaka came out of the room barely a few seconds later. She had her shirt on the wrong side.

Madoka tried not to process that information, but she was failing rapidly.

“Madoka. You all right?”

Hesitance radiated off of Sayaka. Her hands moving, her body slightly frigid. Like she couldn’t decide what to do now that she was in front of her best friend. (Like she didn’t know if she should bother helping someone as pathetic as her.) Bad brain. That was way too mean.

“I … No.”

Homura and her talked a lot about honesty. She had an obligation to follow her own advice.

“The law of cycles couldn’t see you, so I began to worry.”

(Not like her power has ever been the same since the fall)

Sayaka never knew what to say when Madoka had those kinds of problems. Her friend was not very good at talking things out. But actions. Those she was great at. Something Madoka often admired about her first friend.

“Wanna watch movies with me and Kyouko?”

Madoka’s face fell with the speed that could break sound barriers.

“I wouldn’t dare to intervene!!!”

“Nope. No refund for the KyoSaya theater.”

She tried simply get up and leave, but Sayaka grabbed her by the back of the shirt and pulled her onto the couch. Like a small kitten. She hated to admit it, but it made her feel calmer.

Kyouko looked like she had to watch someone throw buckets of food into trash. Not that Madoka could blame her for being annoyed.

She cock blocked her. Or whatever girl version of that was called. Not that girls couldn't have that. Just … She was too tired to keep pointlessly clarifying herself to herself in her own head.

“Wanna watch that show about anime hamsters?”

Kyouko groaned.

“That’s for kids!”

She blushed. Wasn’t it time to finally grown out of it? She was 15 already. Practically an adult.

“Hey, it is fun!”

“Nope. Don’t believe it.”

“Come on.”

“The baby over there will survive if we watch something else.”

The redhead pointed at Madoka with an expression a bit too close to sneer for her comfort.

“Oh darling douchebag, please find it in yourself to not be a moron for once.”

Sayaka said in a screechy voice reminiscent of a chalk scraping on a blackboard.

Yet, they slowly kept getting closer and closer during the conversation. She supposed her and Homura were the same. Simply drawn to each other. Sayaka looked at Kyouko with what Madoka couldn’t tell was anger or strange excitement.

“We are watching this.”

Sayaka said with some implicit threat Madoka couldn’t begin to guess.

“Fine.”

Kyouko rolled her eyes so deep she could probably see the inside of her skull.

“But it’s gay.”

Those words cast the final verdict on the show and soon they all got immersed in the adventures of the hamster girls.

After a minute, Madoka glanced at Kyouko. She seemed to have mellowed out, enjoying the cartoon, deep in Sayaka’s embrace.

And then she realized.

Kyouko was her best friend's girlfriend and her girlfriend’s best friend.

Yet she didn’t know her at all.

DokiDoka: you sure this will work?

Flaming lesbian: 100%

Flaming lesbian: I don’t quite get why you would want to befriend that scoundrel, but I know you are too adorable not to be loved by everyone.

DokiDoka: homurachan

DokiDoka: don’t be mean to Kyouko

DokiDoka: she is your friend

Flaming lesbian: …

Flaming lesbian: I cherish her deeply, but that woman is feral.

DokiDoka: oh

DokiDoka: sorry

Flaming lesbian: No need to apologize.

DokiDoka: i didn’t mean to nag

Flaming lesbian: You did not.

Flaming lesbian: I am sorry I made you feel that way.

Madoka threw her phone to the side, hoping to pass a bit of her frustration onto it. Not too much of course. Only enough to put some distance. She loved Homura a lot, but sometimes it felt like half the time they spent together passed in awkward apologies. Hiding regret for something that could not be forgiven behind an army of useless sorries. She wanted to talk about it with her mom, but … Where to even start. Oh, the phone is buzzing like crazy.

Flaming lesbian: It’s really fine.

Flaming lesbian: My tone tends to be a bit too harsh. I don’t actually want to insult anyone.

Flaming lesbian: Madoka, you are the most wonderful person I know. Trust me when I say you did not do anything wrong here.

Flaming lesbian: I can talk with Kyouko about my perception of her.

Flaming lesbian: Fix it if necessary.

Flaming lesbian: I’m sorry.

Flaming lesbian: Please don’t leave.

Flaming lesbian: I don’t want to be alone.

Flaming lesbian: Sorry for spamming.

Flaming lesbian: It's just, you are perfect. Please don’t feel bad because of me.

She wondered if they started dating too soon. As much as it unsettled her, she hurt Homura. And Homura hurt her. While she still believed their love was strong enough to beat that… Sometimes love simply wasn't enough.

Still, she didn’t have time to linger on it. Her girlfriend needed her.

DokiDoka: sorry for disappearing like that

DokiDoka: had to go to the toilet

DokiDoka: lol

Flaming lesbian: oh

Flaming lesbian: ok

DokiDoka: yeah

DokiDoka: so, I just invite her to the arcade?

Flaming lesbian: More or less.

Flaming lesbian: Be sure to come some time earlier.

DokiDoka: why not just go together

Flaming lesbian: She is very competitive.

Flaming lesbian: You need practice, and sadly I am not well equipped to give it.

Flaming lesbian: But I would love to go with you to the arcade

Flaming lesbian: If you don’t mind.

DokiDoka: sorry

DokiDoka: I kinda want to meet Kyouko alone

DokiDoka: we could go to arcade on our next date! <3

Flaming lesbian: Oh. Yeah. Sure.

Flaming lesbian: This Saturday?

DokiDoka: Sounds great. Love you! Bye!!!! <3 <3 <3

“FAILED!!!”

She inserted another coin.

Madoka danced like her life depended on it. Flailing her limbs on the altar of DDR. She wondered what she looked on the outside. A plain looking kid with grace of a slapstick comedy routine.

But even if she was useless, she needed to try. To not disappoint Kyouko and become her trusted friend.

The screen flashed. Failed again. So soon.

Her thoughts nearly following the trodden pattern of self-blame.

But not today.

She took a deep breath and started again.

After all, she was nothing if not hopeful.

“Holy roasted shit on a bean pole Pinkie, you suck.”

She turned around, the speed impressive if she did not look somehow as frozen as a statue. Moving more like a rock than a human.

Two hours already passed.

And Kyouko was here.

Doing a pose between sitting and leaning on a fence a few steps behind Madoka.

“Like seriously, you don’t have eight limbs. Stop moving like you do.”

She did not exactly understand what Kyouko meant by that, except that it was supposed to be advice.

She didn’t feel very advised.

More hurt. That her effort has been in vain.

She tried not to show it on her face.

“Sorry. I don’t exactly have much experience with these.”

Kyouko jumped off the railing and stretched.

“Didn’t you and Sayaka ever play this?”

Madoka shook her head.

“We tried it once. I tripped and fell on her.”

Kyouko shrugged.

“That happens.”

“We had to go to the hospital. I was so nervous I nearly threw up. But everyone thought it was a concussion. I think Sayaka was devastated. Wouldn’t let me get near one of these for months.”

She hoped she hasn’t overshared again. Or been plain boring.

“And you still decided to just hop back on it?”

Her face was unreadable to Madoka. She remembered being good at spotting emotions that hid behind peoples faces. Lately, even that felt inadequate.

“Nothing actually happened.”

Kyouko took out a few pokeys by lightly shaking the bag and offered one to Madoka.

“You can be pretty metal Pinkie. But let me show you how pros do this.”

Kyouko jumps to the DDR machine and starts moving like wildfire.

A flame, moving where the winds of change brought it. A priestess of the rhythm, this arcade machine her shrine.

“You are so cool!”

Kyouko smirked, her vicious smile tinted by the techno colored screen in front of her.

“Fuck yeah, I am.”

With a pokey still stuck in her mouth and a score flashing in front of her, Kyouko spun her head to face Madoka.

“Now you try.”

Madoka looked to the floor.

“I am not nearly as good.”

“Waaah. You think I don’t know that.”

She was somehow failing this. How was she even failing befriend her friend? She didn’t know, but hanging onto her skirt gave her some comfort. Something to exude control over.

“That’s why I will teach you.”

She looked up, meeting Kyouko’s joyful stare.

“It will take a long time.”

Kyouko took a few steps towards her, moving like a tsunami, forcing Madoka slightly aback.

She took her hand near Madoka’s forehead and flicked her fingers on it.

It hurt far less than expected.

“We don’t have anything better to do. And laughing at your pink ass seems very fun.”

Madoka couldn’t stop relief pouring out of her with a giggle.

“Thank you.”

She decided not to mention the giant pile of homework she knew Kyouko had.

After hours of sweat and pain she finally did it!

A perfect combo.

“WOHOOO!”

She jumped from cheer and hugged Kyouko as tight as possible.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

Excitement leaked out of her in waves, making her jump again and again while holding to Kyouko.

Kyouko, shocked by the outburst, started laughing till her knees grew weak.

After she gathered her breath and it became clear Madoka wasn’t going to let go anytime soon, Kyouko gently pushed her away.

“Hey, what would Homo say if she saw you plastered over another girl.”

“Probably go greet us?”

“Even such a pretty girl as me?”

Madoka thought deep for a moment. All sense of joy leaving her face to be replaced by inquiry.

“Well, you are very pretty. And Homura can get easily jealous. But I don’t think she would mind. She is really caring like that.”

Kyouko for a moment looked a bit dazed, like someone said two plus two equaled nine, but soon recovered and scoffed.

“I wouldn’t call Homo caring, but she is very very very gay for you. So I guess that balances out.”

Madoka nearly swooned.

“I know. She is so cool. I am so glad we started dating!”

“How was it?”

Madoka blinked a second longer than usual. Kyouko looked bashful? Or embarrassed. She didn’t fully understand what Kyouko meant by the question, but reassurance was necessary.

“DDR was great! Thank you for showing it to me. It means a lot.”

“Not what I … You know what. A meal first. You up for mcDanolds?”

“Sure!”

“Are you one hundred percent sure?”

Madoka couldn’t look at Kyouko’s face as she said the fatal words.

“Yes.”

“You want a kiddie meal?”

“I just like the toys.”

Kyouko looked at the menu and back at Madoka again.

In the end, she shrugged.

The toys on offer were some creepy half beans half humans with hats.

“I hope the toys don’t stay when you and Homo make out. No pussy is worth that.”

Madoka, despite her theoretically infinite knowledge, could not for the life of her describe the next moments of her existence.

Her entire brain crashed and burned to smitheries out of pure seething intensity of the embarrassment she felt at that moment.

When her mind started processing reality again, they were already seated and waiting for their meals.

“McDanalds really has anal prices.”

“I can pay!”

She said, a bit too desperately.

“No sweat Pinkie. Worst case, I can just take someone else’s order and pretend I didn’t notice.”

Madoka tried to not let disapproval show too much on her face.

“That is a bit mean. I don’t think you would actually do that.”

Kyouko at least had the grace to look a bit sheepish.

“Anyway. Let me get straight to the point.”

She picked out a fry left on the bench from the last pair on the table and pointed it at Madoka.

“Damn it! Should have said gay to the point.”

“Well, I can pretend you did. It is kinda funny.”

Kyouko looked at her like she was rotten food.

“No. I don’t think I could take it. Getting a pity laugh out of you of all people.”

She put the fry into her mouth and bit it.

Well, it was a bit disgusting, but Madoka wasn’t going to comment.

“Oh. yeah! I wanted to ask you how it was, starting a relationship with Homo?”

Tense. On the edge of existence. Confessing her love for Homura as the last miserable attempt to keep the only person that made her feel important.

Desperate. As she clung to Homura, fully knowing they both might be consumed by the law of cycles and the endless human despair, losing all that made them them.

Painful. Homura scratching her back in the middle of a panic attack. Believing fully Madoka couldn’t love her, because love was a sin and Madoka was ‘perfect’.

“It’s been very interesting.”

“No. I mean. Did your parents object? Were there any too mean classmates? Do you think you will ever regret it?”

Oh, Madoka only then realized how scared Kyouko was. She was always open about her lesbianism. Madoka never thought she would have this many doubts.

“My parents were very supportive. Mom even shared she is bisexual. Classmates less so, but none were mean. Even Hitomi kinda apologized for being a bit less enthusiastic about it when I came out to her.”

She took a deep breath. Will she ever regret it?

“To be honest, I don’t know. Only thing I am pretty sure about is that I would regret more not dating her. But, I think you and Sayaka are different. I can’t imagine you ever regretting being with Sayka.”

Kyouko looked taken aback for a moment, but soon leaned back onto the table.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Madoka didn’t talk to anyone about that. Not even mom.

“Not really. I feel like we are constantly skirting around each other. We both feel very guilty about what happened. And I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t think I can. We talked a lot about it, but I still feel Homura is just waiting for a moment I start punishing her. And honestly. It’s a bit exhausting. To date someone that so obviously hates themselves.”

For what felt like an hour, Kyouko simply watched her with a look she once had trying to solve a complex math problem. Eventually, she opened her mouth.

“That sounds like ass.”

Madoka couldn’t help but giggle.

“No advice?”

“I am wise beyond my years, but come on. I can’t solve that mess. I don’t think anyone but a team of licensed psychiatrist can solve Homo’s pure disgust she feels towards herself. But, you don’t have to solve her every problem. Leave some for her to handle.”

Madoka didn’t like the idea of not helping. But, as much as she hated to admit it, Kyouko was onto something. Tackling Homura’s self-hatred directly was … beyond her. At least for now, it was only tiring her.

“Thank you for advice. But I still want to help. I want my girlfriend to feel like I love her.”

“Gay. And honestly easy. She is very clingy and that could help with the whole ‘oh Madoka your big and girthy soul is too pure for me’. I am pretty sure if you just spend more time with her, she will be over the moon. Maybe even believe you when you say you love her. She is that kind of bitch. Like, don’t just say you love her while longingly looking. Put on those top pants and force her to realize the size of your love.”

She wasn’t sure Kyouko had any idea what she was talking about. But neither did Madoka. So maybe that was it. Showing more affection won’t solve most of the problems they have, but it might some. Plus, it was very fun to kiss her girlfriend.

Kyouko got up.

“Food is ready. Let me take it.”

“All right.”

Madoka was grateful for a moment to process it.

She returned with chicken nuggets a cola and a happy meal.

“One baby ass meal for a near high schooler.”

Throwing the happy meal to her side, Kyouko sat with one leg folded on the chair and other on the floor.

“Thank you!”

“Bullying you is no fun.”

“Well, hanging out with you is very fun.”

Madoka tried somewhat to say it with sarcasm, but even for a joke it just wouldn’t stick. Kyouko was fun to be around.

In response, her ginger friend kept gaping at her.

“How did you survive middle school being this nice?”

“Sayaka.”

“Fair.”

There was a short silence that followed. Thankfully, Madoka was very good at filling the uncomfortable silence till it became something at least marginally less bad.

“Talking about school, how has that homework that I brought you been progressing?”

“WAAAAA! Don’t remind me of that.”

She plopped onto the table with more than half her body covering its surface.

“Sorry, kinda wanted to offer help if you needed it.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Kyouko said, with her head still pressed against the table.

“How about we talk about literally anything else.”

So they did.

And by the end, Madoka felt a bit closer to her future friend.

“So, your date with Kyouko went well.”

There wasn’t a trace of jealousy in Homura’s tone, her sole focus being the machine in front of her and the music it played. It was very cute, to see her so focused.

“It wasn’t really a date, more of a hangout. But I think it went well.”

“You are pretty good at DDR.”

“Only this song. Pick some other one and I would do poorly.”

“Nonsense.”

She scrunched her face in a way Madoka found challenging not to kiss.

“Your effort payed off. You should be proud.”

“It’s not really anything important.”

Homura took a step forward, gently, but completely assuredly. Madoka always got a bit flustered when she did that.

“It is important to you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t spend time learning it. And it is impressive.”

After a few moments of deliberation, she added.

“Competence is attractive. Even in silly things.”

That was just too much for her gay little heart.

She looked around, then leaned in and pressed a small kiss on her cheek in the back end of an arcade.

Homura looked like she could be kneaded by her hands. Like she desired to be shaped and stretched and beaten by a girl she trusted more than herself.

“You are so cute!”

Madoka said, with the enthusiasm firm enough to carry sun onto the sky each day.

Homura shook her head and said very cutely.

“I am not cute.”

Madoka would firmly disagree with her lightly blushing face and look more tempting than ambrosia.

Still, they shouldn’t lose the sight of the goal. They did not come here only to flirt, but to play the holy sport of DDR. As her pupil, she wanted to make Kyouko proud.

Just as she was getting ready for another game, she got a message.

The red bitch: nead help

The red bitch: homework lobotomized

Needless to say, Kyouko put her own number into Madoka’s phone. Together with the colorful nickname.

Madoka looked up from her phone at Homura and her curious look. It was so adorable how she still refused to look at her phone. Well, after they went through the whole privacy thing.

“Kyouko.”

She said and looked back at her phone.

DokiDoka: <3 <3 <3

DokiDoka: thank you for asking me to help

DokiDoka: when do you want to meet?

The red bitch: ur way too pepy abot homework

The red bitch: I meant

The red bitch: like

The red bitch: in an hour or two

The red bitch: at the librarby

The red bitch: but if you cant

The red bitch: no problemo

DokiDoka: coming

The red bitch: thats what she said

Madoka closed the phone and looked and Homura.

“Kyouko called. She invited me to help her do homework!”

Homura had that little smile she always did when Madoka acted silly.

“You want me to come with?”

She shook her head like a dog.

“Sorry. I am trying to befriend Kyouko, so I think some alone time would help.”

After seeing slight rigidity seeping into Homura’s body, she quickly added.

“But we can continue this in the evening. Go for a nice romantic walk.”

“The date was more or less over.”

“Homura. I love spending time with you. I don’t need an excuse to do so. So, we are going to the walk. As long as you want to, of course.”

Homura looked like she bought her all the diamonds in the earth and stars in the sky. Then, after blinking away a few tears away, she added.

“You really love spending time with me?”

Madoka kissed her on the forehead.

“Of course, my dear. You are my girlfriend after all.”

Homura hugged her like she was a lifeline. At that moment Madoka decided Kyouko could wait a few minutes.

She got to the school library half an hour too late. She would have felt guilty, if she did not have a wonderful meal with her Homura-chan.

The first thing she saw when she entered the library was Kyouko surrounded by books and bags of chips. She was looking at a math problem like it held the answers to all the universes most boring questions, only in Sumerian instead of Japanese.

“Hello! How are you, friend?

She knew she should have been quiet in library, but literally no one was there. Not even the librarian tried to quiet them.

“Someone is in a good mood.”

She said, with her head resting on a book, hoping to suck up some knowledge through osmosis.

“Yep! Got back from a wonderful date with Homura! It was awesome. She was all flustered and nice and cute and I just want to hug her so hard!”

It was maybe rude to brag so soon, but how could she not, with Homura being so dreamy.

Kyouko looked at Madoka with a growing horror.

“You were on a date! Should’ve said so.”

Madoka sat with an unwavering smile. This was a good day.

“It’s no problem. We were finishing. And I love helping my friends.”

Kyouko looked at her for a moment too long.

“From anyone else I would take that as sarcasm, but holy shit you are just that sweet.”

“I am really not anything special.”

“If you say so. Just so you know, your gal pal is probably going to murder me for interrupting your date.”

“Homura-chan isn’t that bad. But she might be a bit salty about it.”

Kyouko let out a short sigh.

“Glad you are not completely oblivious to what kind of person she is.”

“I would say I know Homura-chan better than anybody else.”

“Maybe.”

There was a moment of silence shared, before Kyouko picked out a math assignment.

“AAAAAAAAAA. Let’s get this over with.”

She groaned with an impressive lack of enthusiasm. Like every neuron in her brain was rejecting the knowledge, but she continued to pursue the lofty goal of finishing homework.

And as much as Kyouko grumbled and mumbled, it was, well, not fun, but certainly comfortable. Sure, Madoka didn’t know everything, but working together was nice too. She was even not that bummed about the fact that she was technically an omniscient creature, but still couldn’t understand a simple math problem.

After a few hours Kyouko crushed the last potato chip between her teeth and stretched.

“My head is about to explode. Wanna come with me for more chips?”

Madoka did not know the medical limit of bags of chips a human person should consume in a day, but she suspected five was far above that limit. Still, there was no need to nag.

“I would love to.”

“Then get off your pink ass and let’s go.”

Madoka followed Kyouko in her search for the alluring wending machine.

“I don’t know what kind of crack they put inside these chips, but school finds the best ones. They are essentially just crunchy fat with salt. You know potato chips are good when you can’t imagine them being even four times removed cousin of the plant.”

“Well, I do think it is a fact the school cares about our health. But, I don’t think they have a large enough budget to buy anything but the cheapest chips. Not to bad mouth them, they are very tasty.”

Kyouko swatted the air like she did the argument.

“Meh, any junk food that doesn’t taste like it’s going to give you a heart attack in twenty years is straight up lying.”

Madoka couldn’t help but giggle a bit. Kyouko had a way of talking that was very enjoyable to listen to.

With neither girl knowing what else to say, comfortable silence soon filled the halls. And such silence was perfect soil to grow a good conversation on.

“Why did you call me for help?”

“Eeeeh? I don’t get the question?”

She turned around to face her, and suddenly, Madoka felt too watched.

(Like when Homura spied on her.)

She averted her face, not wanting to confess such uselessness right into the eyes of someone she cared about.

“I am not very good at schoolwork. Homura and Mami are much better suited. And you and Sayaka are closer. So … why me?”

Kyouko turned back around and shrugged. She continued walking, ignoring the vending machine they soon passed.

“You offered help. None of them did.”

“They would have all said yes if you asked them.”

She snorted.

“Homura and Sayaka would point, laugh and say I have a skill issue. Sure, they would both try to help. After laughing at my face. But Sayaka is a dumb slut like me and Homo would have to find time in her busy schedule of simping after you. And it would take days to get anything done.”

“Mami?”

Kyouko hesitated for a moment, which was about as natural as seeing a dog befriend a cat. After a very long moment, she continued walking with the same self assuredness as before.

“I am still trying to avoid being alone with Mami. It is a bit cowardly, but I don’t think I can talk with her yet.”

“Why not?”

Kyouko sighed in a way that did not fit a fifteen year old.

“She was my first crush. And we had a very big fight. Never really talked about it. And I don’t know how to start now.”

Grabbing a fistful of her hair, she chuckled morbidly at her own life. Transforming all of it’s complex tragedies into a forced laugh.

“I can see she wants to talk. She is always so desperate to please. But I… I don’t feel like Kyouko she was friends with. I can barely remember that girl.”

Madoka took her hand in her own.

“I think all of us feel that way. People change. But I don’t think something like love changes that easily. You would be surprised how much people you love can recognize in you.”

“Thanks.”

That was the first time she saw Kyouko genuinely say something so vulnerable. And she would cherish the memory forever. Yet, she also wanted to return it. Reward intimacy with intimacy.

“I often don’t feel like Madoka that started all this. She wouldn’t have everything she ever wanted and still feel this pointless. She didn’t NEED both company and alone time as I do. And she wouldn’t understand why I got so angry at Homura nor why I love her so much. If she saw me, I don’t think she would recognize me as her. But that’s why you need loved ones. Mom, dad, Homura, Sayaka, they all see me, even when I don’t. Enduring love, like that, is very beautiful.”

“Oh.”

That was all Kyouko said.

“I mean, growing up affects us all. Even if most people don’t become a god in that process.”

“Jeez, talk about rough puberty.”

Madoka did try to laugh, but the joke didn’t really fit the mood she was in. Kyouko soon realized the fact and added.

“Well, you seem the same as ever, Pinkie.”

She was unsure if she should even try to take that as a compliment.

Before she could decide, Kyouko remembered that intimacy wasn’t really something she did, and quickly back paddled

“Enough with the gay pussy shit. School. It’s shit. Am I right or am I right?.”

“It helps you get a job later.”

“Jobs are stupid. I wanna be a sea cucumber lying on the floor.”

Madoka didn’t feel that was a very liable option.

“Anygay, let’s eat the shit out of those overbaked potatoes.”

Madoka followed her. Feeling like she made a step in right direction.

And she nearly fell. Madoka didn’t think anyone could actually blame her. She just learned her best friend and her girlfriend got into a fight. She needed to talk with them. To figure out what went wrong. But they were outside her reach, both being called to the principal’s office.

Kyouko shoved past the distressed Madoka, with a bagel in her mouth.

“You going home?”

“We should wait for them.”

“Nah, they should be alone for a bit.”

“Why would they hurt each other?”

Kyouko peeked at the road ahead, exasperatedly scratched her head, and turned back to Madoka.

“I think Sayaka hates Homo since the fall. She really trusted her back there. Tried to overcompensate for the mess she was during the timelines. And when Homura broke that, it hurt a lot more than she was willing to admit.”

“Why not talk about that?!”

Why didn’t she notice?

“You were hurt the most by it. So, I don’t think she wanted to complain to you about it. It would kinda be like talking to your friend that got hit by a car how traumatic that experience was for you. Simply a bitch move.”

“I…”

Madoka didn’t really despair. She didn’t think that was in her nature anymore. But an aggressive sadness enveloped her entire body. Attacking every small emotional wound that pilled onto her this last year. And through those wounds it seeped into her heart. Because she was a failure. Someone too weak to protect even those most precious to her.

Something struck her. At first, she thought it was a slap. With how disoriented and sudden it was. Then she realized. Kyouko was hugging her.

“Come, let’s go home.”

She let go like Madoka had cooties.

“I know your girlfriend and best friend not liking each other feels like the end of the world. But like, grow up.”

Madoka’s brain froze. If she ever had any idea how to react to this, it was surely lost to her now. Still, her mouth opened and a laugh escaped.

“HAHAHAHAAHAA. You are not very nice Kyouko.”

She was a bit hurt. There was no doubt in her that Kyouko’s words gave her no comfort. At least the words were so unexpected they clawed a laugh out of her and she stopped spiraling. Yay?

Kyouko meanwhile took her school bag and put it over her shoulder.

“I don’t try to be. If you’re always brutal, people are brutal back. Stops the bullshit like that happening.”

She pointed at the school with Homura and Sayaka inside.

“That is like saying if you burn everything to the ground, there is nothing left to burn. Not very useful.”

Madoka knew she said the wrong thing even before she opened her mouth. She was hurt and a bit spiteful. What she did not expect was the look on Kyouko’s face. That pure visage of anger. Madoka hit a nerve she did not know was there. And it was too soon for apologies. A wound too fresh.

“Just shut up, Pinkie. I don’t want to hear about benefits of being nice from a girl that never even tried to protect herself. Just leached off everyone's else work into divinity. Of course, for parasite like you, sucking up to others is worth it.”

Great, now she was messing up this too.

Despite that, Kyouko waited for her to start walking before she did too. Even if she did look very begrudging doing that.

Neither of them knew what to say.

People tend to say a silence is deafening. This one wasn’t. Every little sound and movement from the corner of her eyes caused her to jump. To try to speak. But she didn’t know what to say. It was all too banal for words. But still tense. Too small for words, but too big for silence.

Oh. She realized. The silence wasn’t deafening. It was muting.

After a while, Kyouko offered her a pokey. She gave her a smile in return.

It eased the tension. Proved they both regretted what they said.

Well, until a bird dropped half dead in front of them.

Madoka instantly ran to it.

It was always her first instinct when seeing anything in pain. To try to help it. As predictable as clockwork.

“Oh, free chicken!”

Madoka could barely muster a polite chuckle. She was too busy inspecting it.

“So, what’s wrong with the kfc escapee?”

“It’s wing is broken.”

“Oh. Welp. Darwin, back at it again.”

She picked up her bag again and started walking. But Madoka wasn’t budging.

“It could probably heal if we help it.”

“Yeah. But why?”

“It’s alive.”

“And?”

Madoka lifted her sight from the bird to Kyouko. She tried to hide the disbelief, but couldn’t.

“Isn’t that enough?”

“For free food and shelter? That was never given to me just because I was alive. Why should a shitty pigeon get it?”

She was dead serious. And Madoka couldn’t even comprehend that.

Why be so insistent on cruelty.

She wanted to understand, but not now.

She knew what was the right choice now. That always gave her strength.

“Sorry, but I am going to help this pigeon. If you want to leave without me slowing you down, feel free to. I won’t take offense.”

“Huh. You serious?”

“Yes.”

Kyouko stayed. She didn’t say anything, even when they walked past her intersection, all the way to Madoka’s home.

When they came in, the gentle face of her dad greeted them.

It soon grew concerned as he saw the poor bird.

“I will go bring the towel”

“Thank you!”

Within moments the bird was in a safe and warm box with holes where it could rest.

Madoka watched the box like it would jump any second now and take the bird with it. It was the kind of look where the ability of sight was not a necessity. More of a transitionary ritual from danger to safety then any sort of actual alarm. Hiding behind it, a whirling of thoughts too small and agile even for their proprietor to comprehend them.

Eventually, Madoka’s thoughts grew more coherent and she turned around to greet her guest.

“Sorry. I was out of it for a second. But, welcome to my home.”

“Eh. Lot less expensive than I thought.”

Madoka usually prouded herself in her ability to start pleasant conversations wherever she went, ever since Homura pointed it out. This was not one of these moments.

“I … What?”

“You look spoiled.”

After another bout of silence Kyouko continued.

“Not bad spoiled, more like protected. Like you don’t know a first thing of hardship.”

As much as Madoka hated it, she was a bit mad. After all, there were still scars just beneath her skin.

“Kyouko, can you please stop treating me like a child.”

Kyouko raised an eyebrow, sending a look of pointing out something very obvious back at Madoka. Like she said water doesn’t turn into ice below 0 Celsius.

“I know we are children. Just, I feel like you treat me like I’m even more of a child than you.”

Kyouko shrugged.

“No offense Pinkie, but you kinda are. You never fought on your own. First Sayaka did it for you. Then Homura. Then you became untouchable. I don’t think a person that can’t even take care of themselves can be called anything but a baby.”

As much as Koyko was repeating the words her darker thoughts often carried, she wasn’t hurt. They sounded so silly from someone else.

“I … I died fighting that living piece of hell so more times than I can count. I held Sayakas corpse again and again. I even …”

She leaned closer, close enough to smell the general air of sweat that seemed to always permeate from Kyouko.

“I even killed Mami.”

As morbid as the statement was, and as serious as she was, she soon realized something a bit depressing. She said it with the same tone a teenager might use when proudly but embarrassingly insisting they totally had sex with their girlfriend from Canada that nobody saw. Because as much as the event hurt, she still used it to prove she was all grown up. She tried not to feel too embarrassed about it.

Kyouko would laugh at the moment if she was not even more confused.

“What?”

“Not now! She is safe. I am talking about before. She was going to kill Homura and I had to do something fast.”

“...”

The silence following was so palpable it effected even the objects in the room. Everything quieting down just for them.

“I don’t talk about it often, but I also spent a few eternities watching assaulted, abused and used girls die.”

“...”

Madoka lost some of her initial bravado and looked so sheepish the point nearly escaped her.

“What I’m trying to say is, we have all been through a lot. Please stop treating me like I simply can’t comprehend how cruel this world is. Like my hope and desire to help others are somehow naive.”

Kyouko didn’t apologize. But she supposed that was just outside her nature. Instead, she plopped down and offered her a pokey.

Madoka gladly took it.

“So, you and Homo fuck nasty?”

Madoka started choking, a pokey nearly killing her. Or, at least that’s how the noises from her throat sounded.

“NO!”

She flailed her arms around in desperate attempt to somehow reassure every single doubt of the fact in her friend’s head.

“You said you wanted to be treated like an adult.”

“Not like this!”

Kyouko rolled her eyes.

“Oh please. Some boobs won’t kill you. Or lack of them, actually. You know, considering Homura.”

Kyouko pointed at her chest, trying to describe Homura’s lack of one with gestures instead of words.

“We are way too young for that !”

Silence followed, flooding the space between them. But to Madoka it was like vacuum to air.

As much as Madoka was mortified by the conversation, there was a deep need in her to know. So leaning in with a whisper like she was dealing with the world's worst secrets, kept only in ancient tomes and even more ancient people, she muttered.

“And you and Sayaka?”

“Nah. But I do wonder if I can convince her to do it for new years.”

Madoka couldn’t stop and pushed her.

“Don’t be pushy!”

“Oh, please. I’m joking. We aren’t even dating yet.”

Madoka couldn’t believe it. The worlds escaped her before she could stop them.

“Your making out didn’t seem very platonic.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA”

Madoka didn’t know at what point laughing becomes rude, but she guessed half a minute ago was the mark. Seriously, Kyouko seemed unwell with how little air she was taking.

Still, despite it, she couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Never change Pinkie. Never change.”

Kyouko put an arm around her shoulder and looked at her just a moment too long. She quickly let go and yawned.

“Anyway, your crib got anything to eat?”

“Dad makes perfect lunches.”

“I will be the judge of that.”

And Madoka couldn’t help but smile as the two girls descended into the living room, a bit closer than ever before. At least she thought so.

“You thought ass!”

Sayaka threw a medium-sized giant bear plushy at Kyouko. She easily dodged the poor plush artillery and put her hands in front of her, to defend against the hurricane that was Sayaka.

“Hey, it’s really not that bad. I just got some D. No need to be jealous.”

If looks could kill… Scratch that. The look Sayaka gave her would have killed weaker girls. At least, Madoka thought she would die if it was sent her way.

“DON’T JOKE! DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR GRADES!”

Homura somehow knew the most perfectly awful moment to interject.

“Why do you even care, Sayaka Miki?”

The exact moment when Sayaka’s vein seemed to pop, as she turned to her, Homura added.

“I didn’t mean it in a hostile way. Merely pointing out they’re not your grades. Not that you care for those much.”

As much as Madoka loved her girlfriend, she could be as blunt as she was insightful. A problem, when you were as smart as Homura-chan.

But instead of getting mad at the coolest girl alive, Sayaka seemed to mellow down. After a moment she pointed at her.

“You. Me. Snacks. Now!”

And with that, Sayaka and Homura left.

Madoka looked at Kyouko, not able to contain her joy.

“They are getting along so well recently.”

Kyouko tried balancing a pencil on her nose. When it fell, she answered.

“Well, certainly better than before. But that is not much of a bar to clear.”

She took one look at her schoolwork and groaned. Then Madoka could see the exact moment a lightbulb lit over her head.

“Break?”

She mercifully nodded, and Kyouko had a rush of joy released from her, jumping off the floor with a loud noise between a yell and a moan.

Instantly, she took out her phone.

Oh. Madoka kinda hoped she would talk with her. But, there was no need to bother her.

And she had her hamster ball to open today.

As she opened the game and clicked on her cute hamster girls, Kyouko appeared besides her. Surprising her with a finger pointed right at the hamster in the middle.

“Is that that kids show about hamsters turning into middle schoolers?”

“Yes! Want to try it?”

“Nah, it’s a stupid gay baby cartoon for stupid gay baby children.”

“It’s cute.”

“Every episode ends with them beating cats or foxes with power of friendship.”

“It’s cute.”

“Creators ran out of ideas after the first ten episodes.”

“It’s cute.”

“Come on! It can’t be that cute.”

“Hamster. Girls. Think about it, please.”

Kyouko actually seemed to take a moment to think. She was still brash. But recently it felt like she respected Madoka to some degree.

Madoka took the moment of weakness and added.

“While none of them are confirmed lesbians, all of them are kinda close with each other.”

“Fruity girls?”

She just nodded, knowing as a fact she hooked her in.

“So, I just click here to get extra hamster wheels.”

“Yep.”

“And hamster wheels produce energy?”

“Yep.”

“But, if you put two hamsters into a hamster wheel and they are gay for each other, you get even more energy.”

Madoka wanted to explain that affection levels were not exactly romantic interest, but sure.

“Yep. The more your hamster girls care about one another, the better they do tasks together. Just be careful as some hamsters don’t get along together. If that’s the case, affection levels can take damage if a misunderstanding happens.”

“But, if they are gay enough, you get super combos in battle?”

“Yes. They have pretty cool animations.”

“Why are the hamsters looking at each other with bedroom eyes?”

Madoka didn’t really see it. But she wasn’t going to discourage Kyouko.

“You can even send them on cute dates to increase affection.”

“HAHAHAHAHHAHA What’s next. Them getting married?”

“Well, they do have cutscenes when you get maximum relationship points.”

Kyouko clasped her hands in an attempt to process such utter fruitiness.

“Okay. From scale of Hitomi to Homo. How gay are the cutscenes.”

Madoka just gave her her phone, playing a recently earned one.

“Those bitches so gay, that if they got into a coma, they would be fruit not vegetable.”

Kyouko muttered, a bit too mumbled to talk with Madoka, but too loud to just be for herself.

“I need to install the game!”

Madoka had to use all her willpower to not squeal from pure joy.

“Wait! Let me send you the recommendation code.”

Kyouko put the game on install and got up. She got closer to the window with a frown on her face.

“I think our girlfriends are fighting on the parking lot.”

Madoka got up and saw Sayaka and Homura, both for some reason wielding a sword, battling fiercely on the parking lot. Few people passed, but mostly tried their hardest to ignore them in a wide arc.

Weirdly, they both seemed to be having fun.

“Should we stop them?”

Madoka asked, but in all honesty, they seemed to have reached some understanding. The fight was brutal, but not hateful. More like a choreographed dance of violence. And they did not seem to actually be hurting each other.

“Nah. Let them fight their feelings out. And show me the ropes of this gay hamsters game.”

“Of course! But…”

A shaky voice could be heard on the other side of the line. Her speech was slurred, words drowning in each other.

It was late. Very late.

“Come on Pinkie Sminkie Schomkie Sponkie. I wanna see your cute pink ass here.”

Kyouko was drunk. Madoka was sure of it. She saw enough drunk people in her life to know.

“Please! Please! Please! It’s literally a five minutes walk from your house. And if some pervert tries to kidnap you, you can just be all UNO reverse card bitch! Get Jesus blasted.”

Madoka sighed. She knew it was rude, but this was a bit much.

“I am coming for you. Wait.”

“Kinky. I wish you would.”

Madoka already closed the phone. It was by accident, but she couldn’t find it in her to regret it.

Sneaking out wasn’t hard. Their house wasn’t exactly lavish, but it was big enough that nobody would notice her simply walking out of the main entrance.

She took the usual path to school and just as Kyouko said. She was there. Half empty bottle of tequila in her hand.

“DOKA!!!”

She hugged her tight. It felt nice. Drained all the annoyance out of her.

Oh. She was sniffing.

“You smell so nice! Like holy shit!”

“Thank you. I have a very cute cheery shampoo.”

“No. I meant… You know what Doka. Can I call you Doka?”

Doka couldn’t help but hide a small giggle.

“You may.”

“A young, beautiful girl like yourself should have some fun.”

“My life is very fun.”

Kyouko swatted the sentence with her hand.

“Yeah Yeah. I don’t mean that kind of fun. I mean the fiery kind. Where you do something stupid and probably self hating, but at least you get to laugh about it the next day.”

Madoka knew she should have shepherded Kyouko home and returned to her bed. And as much as she knew that, there was an undeniable fact that kept her rooted in place. And it was very simple. Something about the night was just so hauntingly beautiful. A feeling that she wasn’t supposed to exist here, even if this place would still welcome her. It made her awake. Looking at the giant moon in the sky and the entourage of stars that followed it.

“Here.”

She gave her the bottle.

“What?”

“Drink! Drink! Drink!”

Alcohol. It smelled sharp, budding though the smells of nature to deliver its own nauseating cacophony.

“No, thanks. We are a bit too young to drink.”

Kyouko groaned so hard and loud Madoka was surprised not to feel her soul leaving her gem. She didn’t think she could groan like that even if she practiced every day for an entire year. There was something so guttural about her absolute disagreement manifesting through making enough noise to drown an entire orchestra in its sound.

“Oh come on! We are 15. A sip won’t kill you.”

“Thank you for the offer, but I have to refuse.”

“Aaaaaa. Why are the cutest girls always biggest prudes.”

Madoka didn’t blush. Her body simply didn’t do that. But she thought, if she could, she would already be redder than Kyouko’s hair.

“Then a walk!”

Kyouko turned back, her mood swinging faster than the pendulum of a clock.

Taking Madoka by the hand, she started moving. It would be running, if she was capable of it.

“Come on! I got perfect place to show you!”

She dragged her to the edge of town, soon moving at speeds more metaphorical than physical. They were at the construction site. There was sign. Only staff permitted.

It didn’t stop Kyouko. Madoka doubted she was in a state to even read it.

“Come on inside, my beautiful bitch.”

Kyouko held the now opened door for her.

With reluctance, Madoka followed. Looking around every corner, like someone was going to jump out of the trash ready to arrest them. To throw them in jail for all of eternity for the heinous crime of breaking and entering into a construction site.

Then she was in the air. It took her a few moments too long to process, when Kyouko said.

“Hang on tight.”

And they flew into the night sky. Jumping as high as the cranes that carried such vital blocks of steel.

And they soared, becoming a part of the sky Madoka so adored. For just one moment, they were another star shining in the dark.

And soon they appeared on a rooftop of a large building. A sight one would only expect to find in a museum, staring back. The night sky was beautiful, the city below it a human mirror to the heavens above. Thousands of lights, shining like little flames of passion humanity felt towards this world they found themselves in.

Madoka couldn’t help but watch. A few heartbeats. A few omitted breaths. A dream only put into a picture.

She looked at Kyouko. She was dangling off the edge. Her legs swinging in the air.

“Please get off the ledge.”

It hurt Madoka. The fear of Kyouko falling.

“Eh. Why does it matter? We are immortal angel zombies. My life sounding more like an anime, than a recollection of events.”

She looked at Madoka. A look of someone that has long ago given up. Still, at that moment when their gazes poured into each other, she saw something. Stepping away from the ledge, Kyouko put one hand over Madoka’s back.

“Pinkie. My dear bitch. I love you. And I won’t force you to drink.”

Ethanol and puke. Those were the smells that assaulted her when Kyouko opened her mouth. Madoka tried to lean away without looking like she was leaning away. That would be rude.

“But you have to get it.”

After a way too long pause of Kyouko leaning on Madoka, she decided to just ask.

“Get what?”

“How should I know?”

She started laughing, like the funniest joke ever told was right in front of her. Madoka hoped she wasn’t the joke.

“Oh! I remember. You gotta understand people won’t hate you for one mistake. I mean, just look at me, I am a pile of mistakes stacked onto each other and bitches still adore me.”

While she was saying bitches, Kyouko thrusted her hips in a motion so mortifying Madoka felt second hand embarrassment. Actually, thinking about it, Kyouko really loved saying bitch when drunk. It was a bit cute.

“You get me, bro?”

Madoka was unsure of where that was even coming from. She wasn’t afraid of her friends hating her. She did not understand why they loved her, with all her deficiencies, but it was hard to doubt love so consistent.

“You always talk so nice. And appear so pretty. And try so damn hard to do no wrong. But, like, live a little.”

Madoka sat at the cold concrete below. That fresh faint smell only dark places produce permeated the air. Light wind mangled with her hair in a dance Madoka knew she will have to brush away tomorrow. She was still looking at the city.

“I don’t think I will stop being nice, Kyouko. I just don’t want to make people’s lives worse.”

Kyouko sat near her. Sat, maybe being the wrong word. More splayed onto her in less off a hug and more of an attempt of reversing mitosis.

“You know we will always love you? Right?”

She smelled like sweat. Not even the nice kind, but the one drenched in some greasy swill and cheapest alcohol you could buy. Still, she leaned into the hug. It was nice.

“Yeah. I am lucky to have friends like you guys.”

“You always seem so terrified of somehow hurting others. Or not being good enough for them. And, I don’t know, it feels wrong for someone so genuinely good to feel so shitty.”

“Well, I don’t want to cause any problems.”

“Why not?”

Madoka didn’t get what kind of question was that.

“Inconveniences are what most of our lives are spent facing. I would go even further, my little bitch gal. Life is a series of inconveniences punctured by trauma and joy. And then you die. Or not, in your case.”

“Why cause more?”

“It’s bad to cause them on purpose. But not doing something because it might inconvenience some hypothetical jerk Johny Dogh. That is just stupid.

“I don’t think I do that often, if at all.”

“Maybe. I am way too drunk to have a point. But, you deserve to be loved. And if you feel like you don’t that feeling is fake and gay. Okay?”

Madoka sat quietly. She looked at the bottle. For some reason, she didn’t have yet words to express, that hit her somewhere deep. Maybe it was the earnestness drunk Kyouko possessed. Or the assuredness it was stated with by both Kyouko and Homura. To every single person she loved, it was beyond obvious she deserved to be loved. When she reached for the bottle, it was mostly to hide the tears she held back despite their waves of attacks.

“Can I?”

Kyouko looked so happy.

“Just a single sip. To get the taste.”

Kyouko nearly scraped herself on the rough concrete roof to get back to the bottle that was put not so gently aside.

Madoka smelled it and already regretted her decision. She liked sweet things. This smelled like where sweetness went to die.

She would have put back the bottle if Kyouko did not look at her with the eyes her girls did once. Like there was a halo of stars above her and the Milky Way as her backdrop.

So she took a swig.

Before even processing the taste that struck her taste buds with the mercy of an average incubator, she felt her face make the deepest frown it ever made.

Then her throat burned and she swallowed it, less like eating and more disposing of the trash in her mouth. Soon the heat settled somewhere inside her before dissipating completely.

There were only one set of words to possible say to that sensation.

“It tasted like shit.”

The red bitch: well duh

DokiDoka: but

DokiDoka: why only me?

DokiDoka: why not go with everyone

The red bitch: u think homo would help

DokiDoka: Hmmmm

The red bitch: its for sayo

DokiDoka: yeah

DokiDoka: but I will be there

DokiDoka: I am sure homura would want to be there too

The red bitch: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The red bitch: her simpage for u beats her hate for sayo

DokiDoka: she doesnt hate her

DokiDoka: but yeah

DokiDoka: buying birthday presents for sayaka sounds like a whole group thing

The red bitch: im not telling others abt our relationship

The red bitch: and I waana buy smth that says i wanna fuck u

DokiDoka: (///O_O///)

DokiDoka: I would love to help.

DokiDoka: just…

DokiDoka: I don’t think I am the best choice

The red bitch: come on

The red bitch: u and homo are always so mashy

The red bitch: u know romance

DokiDoka: <3 <3 <3

DokiDoka: thanks!

The red bitch: plus ur her best frend

The red bitch: u know her best

The red bitch: and I am loking for smth romantic and shit

The red bitch: and cute

DokiDoka: >_<

DokiDoka: cant wait to go shoping with you

The red bitch: HAHAHAHAHAH

The red bitch: your gf might get jelous if you continue texting like this

DokiDoka: I just love hanging out with my friends so much <3 <3 <3 <3

The red bitch: well

The red bitch: anyway

The red bitch: its good thing u cant wait

The red bitch: because we going right after schol tmrw

The red bitch: I have work other days

DokiDoka: aye aye captain

The writing box kept disappearing and reappearing. Madoka glanced at the clock. 1 AM. She should sleep.

The red bitch: sure

DokiDoka: eep time?

The red bitch: huh

The red bitch: I will sleep when I am ded

DokiDoka: oh

DokiDoka: you should eep earlier

DokiDoka: but if you dont want to its fine

DokiDoka: anyway

DokiDoka: love you!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

DokiDoka: good night!!!!!!

The answer wasn’t instantaneous. Which was a bit weird. But eh. She was too tired to really care. She did the usual ritual. Putting the alarm on. Then the phone to her bedside. Then getting the plushie, today's being the cute star one she bought in America. Just as she did so the answer came.

The red bitch: love u too pinkie

Madoka fell asleep a single happy thought on her mind.

“I love my friends.”

Madoka was surprised that there was still a trill in holding hands with Homura. With how often they did it, she would have expected the excitement to disappear. But no, there was some ever-present spark between their hands, that she didn’t think she could explain simply with flesh.

It made her want to envelop the girl in touch. Let them feel each and every soft barrier of skin and cloth between them.

And to say nothing about her eyes.

Homura was so dreamy. Her very own girlfriend!

Despite it being half a year now, she was still giddy at the very thought. Especially on a good day like this. When she just wanted to drag her to a hidden corner somewhere and kiss her till their breaths became ragged and unified.

Sadly, Kyouko pulled her away. Homura’s serene expression in a moment turned into an ice-cold murderous mask of rage.

“I’m gonna take your girlfriend Homo. Business calls.”

She turned to look at me, while I could only send her a sympathetic smile.

“Fine.”

Her glare was not any less murderous.

“HOW SCANDALOUS?!”

Sayka yelled with all the calm of an air horn.

It was very funny, when Sayka got loud for a joke. Sending one look at Homura it became obvious she did not agree.

“Madoka! You just got a wife and you are already cheating with a brazen younger mistress that is obviously a gold digger.”

Homura simply shut down. All higher function gone, spent on processing a single word. Wife. Wife. Wife. Echoing through her head.

“HEY! Why am I a gold digger!”

Kyouko got closer to Sayaka, her words screaming pissed off, while a smile barely hidden on her face.

“Oh please, like your lack of manners and opportunistic personality aren’t clear enough.”

Sayaka flicked her finger against her chin. Adding to her point? Maybe. Madoka wasn’t completely sure. She hoped it wasn’t homophobic, but she really didn’t get queer people sometimes. Or maybe just those two.

“My intentions are only pure.”

“Oh tragedy! To defile a maiden like her!”

Sayka pointed at Madoka, a passion of a scam artist selling their product leaking off her.

“You can acknowledge the benefits of having a sugar mommy, without being a gold digger.”

Kyouko said, easily getting into a role of a bratty mistress.

“Madoka and I are not married yet.”

Homura stated calmly, even if a glassy gaze of desire in her eyes betrayed a different story.

“HAHHAHAHAHAAHAH!”

Two laughs rang through the air. Sayaka and Kyouko uniting in a shared teasing of Homura.

“I was clearly talking about myself.”

Sayka didn’t even finish saying it when Homura started walking towards Madoka.

Madoka felt her knees go weak with the pure determination in those eyes. As much pain as that side of Homura caused her, she couldn’t help but love it. The flame in her eyes that now burned eternal. Passion so deep it bent time.

And then she kissed her. Madoka didn’t want to stop her body when it demanded to get closer. To take in more of Homura.

Kissing was still a bit weird. Not tasty, but good in a different way that spread heat throughout her body.

“Holy shit! I should’ve brought a camera.”

Even Madoka was a bit skewed out by Kyouko’s comment. Thankfully, Sayaka shoved her.

“Come on. That’s seriously creepy.”

Madoka guessed Kyouko felt at least a bit guilty, but she didn’t exactly care. Her mind was much more focused on the perfect girl in front of her.

When they eventually parted, to the great disappointment of both of them, but great relief to their sore lips, Homura said only two words.

“My wife.”

Huh. It was fascinating how Madoka still had a lot to learn about herself. Good example being whatever was awoken with those words.

Seriously, she felt her insides just turn from solid to liquid. She was 70% sure they didn’t literally, but with two of them, who could know.

Sayaka smirked.

“Possessive much.”

Homura just nodded.

“I know who I want and don’t want to share.”

Despite the fiery confidence of the moment, now that it passed, Homura looked conflicted. Madoka couldn’t read her thoughts, at least not directly from her head. The arches of her face though. Madoka studied those for countless hours. Homura was worried about kissing without warning. About going too far.

A simple magic of touch solved that dilemma. Madoka knew she would remember the smile Homura returned for at least few eternities.

Kyouko scratched her neck and walked right to Madoka.

“Heya Homo. We kinda have to hurry, so I will be stealing your girly pop from you for a few hours. Promise to return her in one piece.”

Homura just nodded, but Madoka could tell she was actually happy. That they are getting along. Because she is simply that much of an awesome girlfriend.

When they said goodbye to the rest of the group, Kyouko took her hand and started walking in a random direction.

“Where are we going?”

“I heard about a cool thrift shop nearby.”

“Huh. Didn’t really know about it. Nice.”

After a moment she added.

“You really know the city well, huh Kyouko?”

Madoka counted it as a win when Kyouko smiled.

“What can I say? I am just that awesome.”

Awesome was the only word to describe it. The insides of the shop were brimming with all kinds of paraphernalia. A lone woman in her twenties with blue hair and piercings manning the counter. A captain of the coolest ever cargo ship. The items weren’t really set like in a standard shop. It was much more natural, if not outright chaotic. An entire world of passion strewn around the shelves.

Madoka loved these places.

“Hi! Welcome! How can I help you.”

Despite, or maybe because of her visible lack of awe at the collection in front of her, Kyouko was first to answer.

“Looking for a birthday gift for a friend.”

The cashier nodded.

“If there is a show she really likes, we probably have its merch somewhere in here.”

“Nah, we will just look around.”

Sadly, the exponential increase in choices did not make it any easier to choose. There were a lot of things Sayaka would like. A gramophone. Shōnen paraphernalia. Yuri t-shirt. A cute character that is just 5 fishes in a fishbowl in an astronaut suit. Kyouko even looked at some smuttier doujin. But /

Madoka stopped. A gun plushie. Whatever mental illness brought someone to make one, she was eternally grateful. It even looked like a real gun! And had little bullet plushies nearby. It was beyond perfect. With its simple stick figure smile and realistic gun components it combined everything that Homura was and wasn’t. The perfect boundary between familiar and a joke. The good counterpart of the uncanny valley.

She didn’t want that plushie. She needed it!

Kyouko leisurely strolled back to Madoka. With the way she walked, it wouldn’t be hard to imagine she was an owner. Taking far more space and time then strictly necessary.

With a half nod she pointed at the plushie.

“This for Homo?”

Madoka knew she was coming. She was still surprised to see her. Her focus on the plushie just that intense.

Ignoring the light squeak that escaped her throat, she pointed at it.

“Gun plushie.”

What Kyouko did couldn’t exactly pass for a simple smile. It seemed more like a picture from a dictionary. Something like: Smugness: the appropriate emotion to have when teasing your friend about being the biggest lesbians in the whole wide world”. And near it the picture of Kyouko’s smile.

“Gay.”

Madoka fumbled a bit for words. Trying to catch them from the air with her rapid hand movement instead of teasing them from the head.

In the end, she surrendered.

“Well yeah. I hope it will make Homura happy.”

“Don’t worry Pinkie. Homo is gonna adore it. I can see her actually going to sleep with it.”

Madoka tried not to focus too hard on the mental image of Homura in a cute pajama coming to Madoka with her gun plushie. Madoka lightly taking her into an embrace where she would finally feel safe. Without any ability to fail or succeed, but simply exist.

Then reality came. It was 5900 yen. She did not have even close to that amount of money in her pockets.

Kyouko took the plushie off the shelf and gave it to Madoka.

“Don’t worry. I have been saving for this. I’m paying.”

“You really don’t have to!”

Madoka put it back on the shelf, not willing to spend someone else’s money in that quantities. Well, only in her mind. The plushie wouldn’t leave her hand.

“Nope. Consider it an investment into a joke that is Homo with a gun plushie.”

As she looked at Kyouko it took her a moment to realize what she was holding.

“Is that a sword?”

“I KNOW! Isn’t it perfect!”

It was clearly neither sharp nor practical. But it was the coolest katana Madoka ever saw. With droplet patterns on it.

“It’s so cool!”

“Hell yeah it is.”

It took her only way too long to notice, looking at the human holding the katana, that Kyouko was a bit anxious. Madoka put a hand on her shoulder, simple reassurance often going a long way.

“I am sure Sayaka will adore it.”

Kyouko gave her a thin smile back.

They went to the front of the store. She didn’t stop being anxious. Constantly looking around.

Madoka squeezed her hand.

And then they started running.

At first, Madoka didn’t know what was happening. Her legs moving instinctively, securing she does not fall. But there was no will in her movement.

Then she looked at Kyouko. She was running onto the street. A sword in one hand and Madoka in other. Adrenaline coursing thought her veins, causing an unholy union of a smile and a twitch on her face.

The store clerk only then noticed.

Madoka wanted to stop, to apologize and return items.

But it was too late. Pure momentum was already throwing them around the corner.

She couldn’t disappoint mom and dad. Or get Kyouko in trouble.

But this was wrong. Very wrong. It was stealing directly from someone that probably needed the money. The store didn’t look very profitable.

Madoka tried to stop, but again, it was too late. They were in a crowd. The past minute a blur in her head.

She snatched her hand out of Kyouko’s. Touch was not meant to be used for something this revolting.

Kyouko just laughed. Like she had an exciting adventure.

“Woooo! Talk about fast. That clerk really didn’t know what hit her.”

“Why did you do that?”

Madoka couldn’t look her in the eyes.

Still, from the corner of her vision she saw Kyouko finally looking at her.

“Wah? We needed presents and didn’t have the money.”

“And that made stealing okay?”

Madoka was angry. In a way she rarely was. An explosion of emotions all screaming to hurt and take.

So why was her voice just sad. Why did she feel such hallow pain, like a string tugging at her heart has been cut.

Kyouko rolled her eyes.

“I knew you would be such a miss priss about this. Don’t worry. The store will survive without few thousand yen.“

Why was she crying.

“All right.”

The words were getting harder to claw out from her head. Still, an assuredness she rarely possessed infected her. She knew exactly what she wanted to say, despite lacking the words.

“We should … It would be good … No. I will be returning. Is that okay with you?”

Kyouko stared at her. At this point she just didn’t want her to see the tears.

“Fuck you.”

She got closer. And even after all this time Madoka was still afraid. She was never good at conflict. Kyouko was right. Sayaka and Homura fought all her battles.

“Don’t pretend to be such a fucking saint and look down on me.”

She knew what was right. She wouldn’t hurt Kyouko in that pursuit. But she will pursue it.

“I will pay for everything if you don’t come with me.”

She would have to call dad. And hope the clerk didn’t call police.

“You know what! Go! I don’t need a fucking pussy like you.”

Madoka turned around and left.

She knew things wouldn’t simply return to normal. What she didn’t expect was just how different it would be. And the same. Like an intricate machine broken, but still spinning. Just not working.

Kyouko still greeted her, laughed, played around. She wasn’t even cold. Only... The two of them were never alone anymore.

Madoka didn’t know what to do about it. But she knew mom would help.

She descended the stairs like she did so many times when she was younger. Still as unsure as ever. Still a child.

Her mom was drinking. Growing a bit older, she found that habit of hers somewhat problematic. It was also comforting, though. To see some things never changed.

Mom turned to her, a relaxed posture and a glass of alcohol in her hand.

“Can’t sleep?”

“No… Can we talk?”

A comforting quiet permeated the room when she sat down. Even sound being too lazy to make a ruckus in this atmosphere.

Her mother said nothing, simply leaving her to talk.

She must have had an idea what this was about. Few days ago, they found Madoka crying with a gun plushy in her hand and a concerned clerk bringing her hot chocolate. Her parents weren’t mad. Even if the ride home was quiet, Madoka got a feeling it was for her sake. Still, Madoka felt guilty mom got off work just to pick her up. But neither of them said anything about it since the incident.

“One of my friends did something bad. I don’t think she fully understands why it is wrong, and she is usually very nice, but…

I didn’t want to have any part in it. And I think that hurt her… It certainly hurt me.”

“Finally getting peer pressured, huh. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

She took a sip out of her twirling glass.

“In these situations the first important thing is to figure out what actually bothers you about it. You can’t solve or communicate a problem without knowing what it is. People are very quick to use morality against something they dislike and give grace to things they like. Of course, morality can be a major issue, but it’s rarely the only thing. Unless your friend did something really bad. But I think you have a better taste in people than that.”

Madoka thought for a moment before nodding. She doubted she could figure her feelings out this exact moment, but it was good advice.

“After that, you have to decide how much you care. That is important for knowing how to react in a conversation.”

She put the glass down on the table, looking at her daughter the entire time. Madoka always loved how seriously mama took her.

“The next step is the most important one. Communicate. Without it, there are no solutions. But, it’s not the hardest one. After conversation, you still have to decide. Whether to stay as close or put some distance. Because people don’t change. Not really. At least not through simple strength of will. But they do change priorities pretty often. So after you tell them about your feelings based on how they react you have to decide. Either you leave or you stay. You can do it partially, and you certainly shouldn’t make decisions about people close to you without seeing the pattern. But the question should be how would I react if this person kept doing this forever. And if the answer is, 'I still wanna be near them' that’s just as good as 'I want to put some distance'. I hope that made sense?”

“Thanks mama!”

She really meant it. With a sigh mom slumped onto the table.

“Dealing with teenage problems. You have grown so much Madoka. But be honest, this was about that thing two days ago?”

Even before Madoka hesitantly nodded mom let out a sigh.

“That Kyouko girl stole from a shop?”

“Yeah. Is it that bad?”

Madoka did not know why, but there was a note of fear in her voice.

Mama just frowned.

“Not really. I mean, it is bad, but still a somewhat normal teenage thing. What honestly concerns me more is how quickly you broke down. Lately you seem on edge. Did something else happen?”

Madoka felt a pit in her stomach grow into a black whole from which no words could escape, no matter how much she wanted to tell them. Because what would she even tell. How to even explain the trauma that was the spiral of two girls endlessly sacrificing themselves for each other, becoming less and less each time? How to describe the fact that after all this time she still remembered how lifeless Sayaka’s corpse felt in her arms? How would she tell her mother her daughter died?

“If it’s too hard to explain, you don’t have to.”

Mama never used that tone with her. A level of concerned so deep, Madoka knew this was adult.

So she took a deep breath and tried to smile, the same way she did through tears.

“Homura and I hurt each other. Badly, but not on purpose. And while our relationship healed we haven’t.”

“You don’t want to break up with her?”

Madoka instantly shook her head. She was beyond sure of that.

“I love her.”

Mama simply nodded, staying quiet for a short while.

“How did it feel?”

Madoka took some water to drink. Mostly to stall. She needed the time.

“I felt weak and useless. Like I had no control over anything.”

Mama opened her arms for a hug.

“Madoka. You are the kindest person I know. We are so proud of you and love you very very much. You are not useless.”

The tears were easy to predict. She was a crybaby. But the way she melted into the hug. It was something she needed for so so very long.

“Mama.”

“Shh. Shh. It will be alright.”

Sayaka’s birthday was two days from now. Technically tomorrow going by the clock hanging on her bedroom wall. Tick tick ticking somewhere around 1 AM.

She wondered if clocks ever hurried to keep up with time. Their ticking, was it the marching rhythm or a desperate flee.

...

She was getting tired. Doing a lot of thinking in the early morning hours did that to a person.

Still, last half hour she had been procrastinating. She knew what she had to do. Just a single message. But words escaped her. She did not know from where they leaked, but every time her thoughts attempted becoming concrete, they escaped.

In the end, her time bled to the point of death and with half consciousness before sleep she sent a simple message.

DokiDoka: wanna bake cake for sayo tmrw

DokiDoka: my place

The red bitch: sure

Kyouko answered with a worryingly remarkable speed. Madoka realized she too was probably awake, staring at her phone. Maybe thinking about talking with her. She could know, but she refused to pry open people with her light. Despite it's pains, she loved her humanity. And while she did not like this pain, she had to admit. She got enough confidence now to pass it. Even if it was a bruised and beaten kind.

And with thoughts like these, she gently descended into sleep.

Tomorrow after school her and Kyouko met. There wasn’t the usual friendly banter. From the moment they were left alone, there was just tension. The sound of words unsaid deafening.

“We should go to the store first.”

“Huh? Yeah.”

That was the only bit of conversation they had during the entire outing. Thankfully, the trip wasn’t that long. A nearby store selling the cake materials.

Madoka couldn’t help but wonder why Kyouko agreed to do this if she wasn’t going to even try talking. She quickly squashed that down. It was a mean thought. They were both quiet. The walk was too public. Too mundane to muddle it with jagged intimacy. But still remarkably uncomfortable.

When they got home it wasn’t much better. Dad soon left them in the kitchen alone. At least, they started talking. Even if it was curt commands from the recipe. The bare minimum necessary to work on the cake together.

She couldn’t decide if it was worse or better than silence. To talk, but not communicate anything of actual substance. It was at least less quiet.

They got the cake into the oven with staggering speed. Half an hour before Madoka thought they would be done. Both of them trying to fill the silence with their work.

When she turned to Kyouko she was already on her phone. Madoka didn’t like to admit it, but she felt a bit insulted. There was no need to be like that.

So, despite knowing she shouldn’t do that, out of a rare mix of boredom, spite and actual interest, she looked at Kyouko’s phone. She was playing the hamster game.

Madoka let out a giggle. She didn’t mean too, but it was too fast to contain.

“Watcha you laughing at Pinkie!”

“Sorry. Sorry. It’s just…”

“Yeah, I like the lesbian hamster game. What about it?!”

“It’s cute.”

Madoka tried to give her brightest smile, put the whole 10 gigawatts of god into it. But for some reason, Kyouko averted her gaze, refusing to even look into her eyes.

She tried not to feel too insulted.

“Yeah. Sure.”

The silence descended swiftly, overwhelming the forces of friendship and laying siege to the atmosphere.

Kyouko scratched her neck and pointed at the door.

“The cake is going to be baking for like an hour. Wanna go for a walk.”

She tried so hard to sound nonchalant, despite the abounded irony of the action.

Madoka nodded with passion. There was no need to hide how much she cared.

So they got out, not hurrying. Or more accurately, not trying to hurry. Even if both of them wanted to. Pure fear and inertia stopping them.

At first, they didn’t say anything. But in difference to before, this silence seemed pregnant with possibility. Like Kyouko was only searching for words to say. So Madoka let her.

“I’m sorry?”

It was more of a question than a statement. Madoka thought herself very forgiving, but with an apology like that, it was hard to. It must have shown on her face, because Kyouko soon corrected herself.

“No. I really am sorry. Just… It’s weird. I don’t actually know how to apologize. I’ve seen characters do it in shows, but… I never really got the chance.”

Kyouko got hugged. She needed one. And Madoka needed to hug her. To show the world isn’t only cruel.

“I shouldn’t have ran with you. At least not before taking about it. And yeah, I guess I shouldn’t be stealing, but… I don’t know. I’m used to that being the only way to get stuff.”

“It’s fine. I forgive you.”

She really had. Full forgiveness was something that came easy to her, and she was happy to provide. Kyouko hugged her desperately, like a lifeline, and she reciprocated, gentle, relaxed and close.

“I never got to apologize to my family.”

“You did nothing wrong.”

“I did.”

It was quiet and resigned. A decision made long in the past.

“Then I forgive you.”

“That’s not how that works Pinkie.”

“Why not? I love you and I forgive you. For all your sins.”

Madoka knew Kyouko would never admit it, but she felt tears touch her cloth.

“Even of a sinner like me?”

“Especially yours. Because I know you are good, Kyouko.”

Madoka could feel how hard she tried not to sob. The moment her voice wasn’t broken she added, with something nearing a laugh.

“I guess now I get what dad was always saying about confessions.”

“What was he saying?”

“That they make you feel better and shit, because admitting your sin. A chance to finally stop pretending you did nothing wrong. It helped.”

She supposed it was a bit of confession. But ironically, not human to god. Not stuffy and distant words of a priest that doesn’t even see you, or a powerful god always watching. It was human to human. Child to child. Salvation found not in the all powerful, but simple flesh that made them. Flesh that feels. Flesh that thinks. Flesh that dreams. She supposed in the end that was all they really were. Flesh that loves.

It made a bit of sense she was thinking this now. Being enveloped in a hug felt good. It lacked the fire hugs with Homura usually had and left only soft comfort in its wake. Madoka couldn’t help but wonder if humans were made like puzzles. Fitting only in each other's embrace.

But eventually, she had to let go. And Kyouko resisted when she did. She did too.

Because Kyouko was one of her best friends.

After the hug, Kyouko relaxed immensely. She again walked with the confidence of someone that owned the world. But soon she got, not exactly nervous, but restless. It was the first time Madoka saw Kyouko fidget. They were not done. Forgiveness was not the only thing Kyouko sought.

“Maybe we should sit for a bit?”

Kyouko took a moment to process the words, her mind already preoccupied with various different things. Even after processing, she just nodded. She did not exactly give her attention. More attentions second cousin with a missing front row of teeth. But it was good enough.

“So, what is bothering you?”

Kyouko was surprisingly bad at pretending. Another trait she shared with Sayaka.

“Nothing! Why would anything bother me! Me? No.”

Madoka didn’t even say anything in response, simply offered a gentle smile.

Kyouko groaned.

“That obvious?”

She got a sheepish shrug as a response.

“You are much more talented at being honest.”

“AAAAAAAAAA. How can you make even insults sound nice?”

“I didn’t mean it as an insult.”

“Sure. I just don’t want to turn this walk about me. It was about apologizing to you.”

“It can be about multiple things.”

There was barely a moment of silence before Kyouko started talking again. Like, even pretending to mull it over for a moment was too much.

“So, I thought about confessing to Sayaka tomorrow.”

Madoka resisted the urge to say gay.

…

She spent too much time with Kyouko recently.

“Go for it! I know the two of you will make each other happy.”

“Yeah. But I don’t know.”

“Do you like her?”

Kyouko, surrendering words to the mercy of embarrassment, just nodded very lightly, while gently scratching her chin.

“Is there some other problem?”

Madoka knew better than anyone, sometimes love just wasn’t enough. Not at that painful moment. She still hoped it was eventually.

“I don’t know. She doesn’t feel like THE one. You know, the one I can imagine myself being with for a long long time. More like another one in a decently sized list of failed crushes. And I don’t want to lose what we have now, now that it is something.”

“Well, even if she is, why not try?”

“What if I just get another crush next week.”

“You should talk with her. Like a couple. But I doubt you would get a new crush that fast.”

She got off the bench in one fluid movement. She did not look at her.

“Oh please. I’m quite easy. Get me a girl that tries to do something good in my vicinity and bam, I’m wet.”

It took Madoka some time to process the statement. She couldn’t help but snort.

“Well, you don’t have a crush on me.”

Silence.

“Right?”

“AUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH! I’m such a mess.”

That noise, whatever in heaven or hell it was, was just as reveling as a confession.

Things rarely took Madoka completely by surprise recently. Having your soul connected with all of reality had its perks. One of the more questionable ones was not being good at the whole being surprised thing. Still, for only a moment, all the stars in the sky and galaxies far far away blinked in confusion.

“SERIOUSLY?!”

That single word took all the processing power Madoka had at the moment. Thankfully, she soon refined her composure enough to ask a bit more.

“Why me???”

Kyouko finally turned to face her. And damn it, she was kinda cute, her face borrowing the color pallet from her hair.

“Well, you satisfy the criteria Pinkie. Duh.”

“Yeah, but…”

Madoka did not even know how to continue the sentence. Her mind was running at Mach speeds, but not actually going anywhere. Because she couldn’t pinpoint what was so wrong with that. Searching didn’t actually help this overwhelming feeling that people really shouldn’t like her. Especially not that way.

“I’m me. Sure, Homura likes me, but … I’m not special.”

Kyouko just stared.

“Pinkie. A lot of people love you.”

“Sure, but…”

“We love you. Not just me, but Sayaka, Mami, Homo, Hitomi, your family, even the cheese brat Nagisa.”

She stopped. And looked at her. Stared back into her gaze. It was bursting with intensity only Homura could match.

“We all love you. In diffrent ways. Sure. But..”

Madoka guessed she didn’t know what else to say, as it was left trailing.

“I love Homura.”

Kyouko snorted, a bit too amused for what was essentially rejection.

“No shit, Pinkie. I think a blind and deaf person could tell that.”

“Well, I don’t think we are polyamorous.”

“Probably not, with how intensely your girlfriend looks at anyone that enters your ten meters radius.”

“You aren’t … sad?”

Kyouko shrugged without a single care in the world.

“No. Knew that from the start.”

“And you love me?”

“Pinkie, no!”

She made a face like the slimiest, greasiest slug in the entire world was pressed against her throat.

“I have a crush on you. It’s not that complicated.”

Madoka was now blushing. Being near a person that had a crush on her was weird. She couldn’t even guess what to do now.

“Isn’t it weird? To fall in love with a person you know won’t reciprocate.”

She looked at the bright blue sky with one off her legs on the bench the other on ground. Madoka would think she was looking for stars if they weren’t hidden by the glow of the sun.

“Yeah. A bit. But my entire life feels weird right now. Honestly, this is the least weird part.”

Madoka moved closer. There was tension in Kyouko. The kinda that had a chanse to burst if probed.

“What kind of weird?”

“Where to even start?”

She put her hand on her chin, thinking for a moment.

“After my entire family died in religious zealotry, it turned out that there is a god! She is a fifteen-year-old girl that once pissed herself in class because the teacher said she couldn’t go to the toilet. And the devil is her probably autistic girlfriend that sometimes visits shooting ranges and steals guns from yakuza.”

She let out the meanest chuckle Madoka ever heard.

“And the weirdest part is, I still want to believe That there is a God that loves me. That I am not only a stain of sin, a disappointment to His creation. That papa was onto something when he preached. But life is simply too absurd. The last time I felt the presence of God was just before I died to burry a friend. AND I’M BACK BABY!”

There was such deep despair hidden barely beneath the surface. And it was picking itself up, swirling slowly into a hurricane.

“I don’t even fucking know what I am anymore. Some kind of flesh construct made out of a soul that you preserved? I don’t need sleep! Or food. I do not know how I am alive. Breathing more because my brain still has the instinct, then out of necessity.”

Madoka hugged her. Kyouko didn’t trash. But she also didn’t curl up. She ignored it, but not completely. It was hard to completely ignore a hug. Still, she was too far to be reached simply by touch. She had to let the words out before they consumed her heart.

“I remember dying. Again and again and again. A girl I make out with once put a sword through my throat. I remember the exact wet sploshes of sound my bloody gurgles made before I realized I could still fight. And after all that, everyone keeps telling me that I should care oh so much about the average human experience. Like I am even still human. Like I haven’t stopped being one long, long time ago.”

She took a deep breath. Maybe, somewhere in her mind, she thought if she took enough air, that haze would disappear with a simple act of the living. It did not work. It never did. People still did it. Because they had nothing else to do.

“I don’t know. Dating Sayaka feels impossible. Because anything so normal feels impossible now. Ever since my family died, I guess.”

“I think that is why it is important to try living a human life. At the end of the day, I don’t think we are that special. And it’s important to feel grounded. Like things we do matter. Because they always do. If only to put a smile on your face. I know dating Sayaka seems daunting. But I think you should try. It sounds like something fun for you to do.”

There was a tired smirk on her face.

“Doing Sayaka certainly does sound fun.”

“I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!”

She tried to show with her entire body how much exactly she did not mean it like that. Moving arms with not even god knows what purpose. Her entire body twisting and turning at the mere thought of the act. She was being ridiculous. Still, she did not mean it like that.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! I know Pinkie.”

The mirth left without even having time to properly say goodbye. Soon Kyouko was back in thought.

“I don’t know. It’s still scary.”

Madoka didn’t think herself good at being brave. Homura insisted otherwise, but Madoka knew exactly with how much fear she entered every fight. The answer was, too much. Her body always shook. But at that moment, she knew she could connect, if only she opened up a bit. And even if it was scary, she knew it was something she wanted to look back on with peace.

“When Homura and I started dating, it was hard. It still sometimes is. But I think it was the best choice of my life. Even if it turns out to be a mistake.”

Madoka was never one for speeches. They felt too important. But looking at Kyouko, she felt like she said the right thing.

“Well, time for me to get that blue booty.”

They sat in the calming noise of the park for few seconds. Then Madoka remembered.

“What about the cake?”

“Huh? What cake?”

“Oh.”

They both started running.

Thankfully, dad got the cake out.

And Kyouko soon left.

Leaving Madoka to a warm bed and comfortable blanket.

Madoka slept easily.

The birthday party was surprisingly wild. There were water guns, truth or dare, the good kind of fruit juice, even a snail race. But Madoka couldn’t help but admit. This was her favorite part. Their entire friend group had slowly fallen asleep watching some not very funny comedy from early two thousands. And they all just made a pile. A friend pile. The thought made her very giddy for some reason.

Soon, there was rumbling and bumbling from the inside of the pile and a red hair peaked from it to the light of a television.

Thankfully, nobody woke up.

Kyouko looked at Madoka and smiled.

For a good reason. All the friends were hogging her like a giant teddy bear. Homura sleeping right in the kissable range, which Madoka had to admit, was the best range.

With a wink only Kyouko could know the meaning of, she left for a bathroom and returned a few minutes later.

She didn’t tell anything, but by her mood and Sayaka’s touchiness, she could guess they started dating. Finding them making out again in the closet did help that conclusion.

When she came back, she plopped somewhat gently right onto Sayaka. Well, at least gently for Kyouko. Somehow, Sayaka did not wake up.

She put one hand around her girlfriend and the other on Madoka. There was no glance, or awkward movement. It was as casual as touch could be. Which made it so much more special. Madoka was overwhelmed with one feeling and one feeling only.

She felt loved.