Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was the last day of grade 11. Tony sat with his back against the cool brick wall, his friends surrounding him. Basically, there was Pepper, his best girl friend, the one who's been keeping him in check ever since forever, Natasha, the creepy ninja who everyone secretly adores and is outwardly terrified of, Clint, the archery master who's an ass but everyone still hangs out with him, Bruce, the quiet nerd who talks only when spoken to yet has a huge temper, Thor, the lovable loud mouth Norwegian kid and his brother, Loki, the quiet, secretly murderous fiend of the group. And then there was Steve. Steve was small and frail, allergic to almost anything, but had a heart so big it made people wonder where he kept all that love.

Steve and Tony met at the beginning of high school and had gotten on each other's last nerve fairly quick. After poking and prodding from their mutual friends, however, they became besties. If you asked them how it happened, neither of them could honestly tell you. One moment they were biting off each other's asses, the next they were sitting together at lunch and buying each other their favorite kind of coffee. Now they were nearly inseparable; if you wanted to hang out with Tony, Steve was coming too. If you wanted to talk to Steve, Tony was there listening to it all.

So really, it was no surprise when Tony fell for Steve. He fell hard. He didn't tell anyone, no, that would just be wrong. He was known for his love for the ladies, and Steve had had a crush on the same girl since grade 8 (though she didn't qualify for Shield High School, so Tony doesn't really know her, and isn't worried that they might be dating, 'cause Steve tells him everything). Tony had been good and kept it to himself, not even daring to tell Pepper, because if he told her, she'd tell Natasha, and then she'd tell Clint and he'd tell... well you see how that's going, right? Tony had to keep it to himself.

He expressed himself in subtle ways, complementing Steve, helping Steve, giving Steve gifts (though he really doesn't like money being spent on him). He doubted Steve got the message, his tiny head was a dense one. But it didn't matter to Tony. As long as he could be around Steve, he knew he'd be able to manage. And then when they all parted ways at the end of their high school years, he'd be able to move on and never think about Steve again. Though Tony knew, he just knew, he'd never be able to get over Steve. Steve's perfectness had spoiled him for everyone else. Once he'd fallen, he could never go back. Good thing he was good at acting.

Bells rang and the group stood to leave, everyone saying their respective goodbyes, everyone hugging Steve. Everyone was excited for the summer holidays, everyone except Tony. Steve was leaving for the summer to work on his grandfather's farm. He had invited Tony to go with him, but Tony politely refused, saying something about dirt and pigs and him not mixing. That got a sad laugh out of the small blonde haired boy, but he understood. Tony had projects to work on anyways.

It was the end of the day. Steve would be leaving for his summer job right after school, so Tony barely had any time left with him before he was gone for two months. Sure, they could text and call, but that wasn't the same as hanging out and physically being next to your best friend. Tony stood in place, Steve standing beside him, sighing out a lungful of air as everyone left, giving them the privacy. Pepper's eyes glanced to his, but he ignored the worried look and instead opted to look down at his sneakers.

Steve casually bumped his shoulder against Tony's. Oh how Tony would miss those subtle movements that meant so much between them. It meant trust and friendship and caring, stuff that Tony couldn't jeopardize by telling Steve his feelings. "You'll be okay without me for two months, yeah?" Steve asked. Tony looked over into his wonderful blue eyes. They were searching for something, and Tony wouldn't let him find it. He couldn't.

"I'll be alright." Tony whispered with a shrug, keeping up his brave facade. Steve was going to leave any minute and the thought was tearing at Tony's insides.

Steve sighed. He knew. He knew Tony wouldn't be alright. Why did he know? How could he know? Why was he able to read Tony so well when everyone else, even people in his group of friends, couldn't? Steve stepped in front of him, almost a whole head shorter than Tony, them both being the shortest in the group, and he held his arms open. His lips spread into a sad smile which made Tony nearly lunge into him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and burying his face between his own arm and the side of Steve's head. He held back the sobs. It was only two months, it's not like he was leaving for seventy years or something.

"I'll miss you." Tony mumbled against his arm, the tremor in his voice still very audible. Steve's arms tightened around his waist, his head shifting slightly as he rubbed his cheek against Tony's hair.

"I'll miss you too."

They hugged for a while, just standing there, not caring if people saw, but then the time came, and Steve pulled away, Tony mourning for the loss but pulling back as well. Tony almost choked when he saw the pained look on Steve's face, and raised a hand to his shoulder, gripping it firmly. "I'll text you all the time."

Steve smiled sadly as his phone went off. They both ignored it, and when it stopped ringing, Steve said simply, "You better."

They didn't say goodbye, they couldn't. It felt too much like saying they'll never see each other again, and that was painful. Too painful. Steve left with a wave, leaving him and getting into an unfamiliar car that had parked on the curb close to them a while ago. Tony waved back, stood and watched as the car stole his best friend away until he couldn't see it anymore.

Oh how he wished he could have told Steve he loved him.

++++++++++++

Steve was always busy during the day, as Tony figured out early on. So, they talked at night. Nearly every night they texted, some times it was small conversations that lasted only a few minutes, other nights they lasted hours. They called some times and Tony could progressively hear the change in Steve's voice. He liked to point out the fact that puberty was hitting him good, but Steve always laughed nervously and changed the topic.

By the end of the summer, Tony was fed up. He could tell there was something Steve wasn't telling him, and that was just wrong. He complained to Pepper about it, but she just retorted by telling him it was none of his business if Steve told him or not. That just made him pissed. It was the day before school, the day Steve came home. Tony wouldn't see him until tomorrow, and that made him even more angry.

"Why won't you tell me?" he whined into the phone as he drew out some upgrades to an old blueprint of his fathers. Something about repulsors.

"Tell you what?" Steve's cheeky voice feigned innocence. There was shuffling in the background and Tony assumed Steve was unpacking.

Tony snorted, "You know what I'm talking about, Rogers."

There was a loud thud followed by static noise and Steve cursing (not a swear, but a curse like frick or darn or something). It was a moment before Steve's apologetic voice said, "Sorry, I dropped my phone," he sighed loudly before continuing, "What were we talking about?"

"You. Something changed. What happened?" he accused, "Did you get a girlfriend and not tell me about it?"

Steve made a stammering sort of noise and Tony could almost feel his blush, "No, Tony. Just-- No."

"Then what is it?" Tony stopped what he was doing, concentrating on his un-requited love on the other end of the phone, "Why won't you tell me."

Steve sighed but didn't say anything for a long time. Tony thought he might have hung up on him, but looking down at his phone's touchscreen assured him that that wasn't the point, "Tony, I've changed. I'm different. I suddenly--" there was a loud screech on the other end of the phone and then it went dead. Tony cursed Steve's old monster of a phone and shoved the blueprints off his bed, tucking himself in with his phone clutched violently in his hand.

He fell asleep after an hour of Steve not calling him back.

++++++++++

The first day of school was a simple assembly and then assigning lockers and homerooms. Tony got there early and sat in the back of the bleachers with Natasha and Clint as people piled in. Principal Fury had talked to him a bit, telling (threatening) him privately that if he blew up the new lab he'd never be allowed in the labs again. Clint scoffed at him before Natasha punched him in the arm. Tony mentally made a note to make something nice for her. Maybe some knives. Girls liked knives, right?

As the rest of their ragtag group showed up, Tony found himself becoming more and more anxious for Steve. So when a hunk of blonde gloriousness sat down beside him and said, "Hey Tony." in Steve's voice, Tony's mind exploded. Steve had gone from five foot nothing to six foot three at least. He had muscles that were lightly tanned and amazingly toned. His biceps were huge, they almost made Tony swoon. Almost. His hair had been cropped recently, so it dutifully resembled Steve, but if Tony hadn't see the blonde Adonis's eyes he wouldn't have been convinced. His eyes were the same wonderful deep cerulean blue that they'd always been and they were just so kind and so loving and so Steve that Tony couldn't argue with the logic.

"OhmygodSteveisthatreallyyou?" Tony breathed, a hand clutching at his heart. He hoped he wasn't blushing. But-- oh god, Steve was blushing. It looked even cuter than it had when he was small.

"Yeah. I had a growth spurt, I guess." He shrugged, looking sheepish. Tony looked around and saw a good amount of people staring. His best friends were gawking as well.

"Holy shit, Steve, you’re doing puberty right." Clint winked. Natasha elbowed him.

"I have to agree," Pepper smiled, "I mean you were cute before, but now you're--"

"Very handsome." Natasha grinned. It took on an almost evil undertone, so Tony decided that giving her knives was a bad idea.

"You look like your muscles could rival Thor's." Bruce added, breaking the awkward tension.

Loki scoffed while Thor boomed, "We shall have a match of brawn, Steven." with a fist pump.

That made Loki roll his eyes and add softly, "There isn't much else in that big head of yours, is there, Brother?"

Everyone laughed at that. Well, everyone except Tony. He turned back to Steve and couldn't stop staring. "Whatever they fed you over there, I want some." They all laughed again, Tony keeping his face serious as he stared into Steve's eyes. Something was curling in the pit of his stomach and it wasn't exactly pleasant. He bit his lip and faced forward as Principal Fury coughed loudly.

Their lockers were all together; they had requested it before they left the school two month's ago, and Fury knew better than to go against the group's requests. In grade 10, when they didn't get vending machines in the cafeteria like they had asked for, they went around petitioning and campaigning, threatening to take Fury down. In the end, they got their vending machines.

Steve's locker was right beside Tony's. Tony was on the end, Loki on the other end, the rest of the group all somewhere in between. They all took English 30-1, so they all had the same homeroom. Things were going good. But every time Tony looked across at Steve and their eyes met, Tony would stare in disbelief while Steve's eyes pleaded that he understood. Tony didn't know what to do. He needed to think by himself, but sadly, that wasn't about to happen. Steve missed everyone and asked if they could all go to a movie. Tony couldn't say no, not with everyone else already agreeing to go, and found himself sitting beside Steve in the movie theatre. Steve's shoulders were broader now and no amount of shifting could get Tony away from contact. In the end, he found himself clutching desperately to Steve while complaining that a scary movie wasn't the best idea for a 'welcome home' movie.

Afterwards, everyone went their separate ways, and Tony went over to Steve's house, because that's what they do. It was natural. But Steve wasn't Steve anymore. Tony couldn't convince himself that he was.

"I'm sorry." Steve blurted as they were sitting on the living room floor, doodling on the same sketch pad that was propped up on the coffee table. Steve's mom had made apple pie, so they ate the pie with whipped cream and coffee, their empty dishes sitting on the other end of the table.

"Sorry for what?" Tony asked, though he knew. And he knew that Steve knew he knew.

"I'm sorry for not telling you."

Tony shrugged, drawing a mustache on a woman Steve had just drawn, "That's okay."

Steve sighed, running a hand through his hair, "No it's not. You've barely looked at me all day. You won't keep eye contact once we've got it, and you won't keep a normal conversation with me."

Tony looked up abruptly. Steve had noticed all that? Well damn, "It's just surprising is all." he whispered before looking back down at the doodles, his pencil pausing as he just stared. Steve sighed again, leaning back against the couch and closing his eyes. Tony glanced up at him, loving the soft shadow his long eyelashes made against his cheekbones. Steve was really beautiful now, all muscle and tan, but he was beautiful before. He was always beautiful in Tony's mind. If he told Steve he loved him now, what would he think? He'd think he'd suddenly starting loving him because of his looks, Tony would get rejected, and then their lovely friend group would break up. Tony couldn't tell him. Not now. Not ever. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's completely mine." Steve didn't open his eyes, "I wanted to tell you-- tell you that I was changing. But the more I put it off, the more scared I was that you wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore."

Tony laughed, throwing his head back. That got Steve to look up, startled, "Steve," Tony tried to say, but continued laughing. When he calmed himself with a loud sigh, "Oh god Steve. Who wouldn't want to be friends with that." He gestured to him before realizing that was the wrong thing to say. Steve frowned and Tony bit his tongue. Great.

"Tony--" Steve began, but Tony was faster.

"I gotta go, Adonis." He said, standing up and heading for the door. Damn him and his stupid brain. He got his shoes on before sprinting out the door, running almost all the way home before collapsing in his bed and crying himself to sleep.

+++++++

Tony skipped the next two days of school. He couldn't face anyone, especially Steve. Dammit. He was so insensitive. The last thing Tony wanted to say was something that might indicate that Steve was better this way.

Tony got texts from everyone. They went from informing him about schoolwork to threatening him with his life. He got no texts from Steve. Really, it was better this way. Better for Steve to walk away from this friendship before Tony could do something that would really hurt him. Yeah. It was better this way.

Tony was in the kitchen of the apartment his dad had bought for him, squirting aerosol whipped cream into his mouth when three solitary knocks sounded on his door. It was Steve. The only person who ever knocked on his door was Steve. There was a goddamn doorbell that Tony had made with an artificial intelligence in it; it would ring through the house and tell Tony who was outside based on their fingerprint, but Steve always knocked. Tony sighed, walking over to the door but pausing with his hand on the knob.

"Tony, I know you're there." Steve said from the other side of the door after a minute or two of Tony standing there, one hand on the knob, the other on the whipped cream. He felt like a mess, like a slob, like a failure, and he didn't want Steve to see that. "Please let me in," Steve pleaded, tugging at Tony's heartstrings. Like this, he could believe that it was his Steve on the other end, not some gorgeous blonde Abercrombie model.

"I can't." Tony's voice cracked.

"Why?" Steve sounded on the edge of tears. Tony had only seen him cry once, the day Bucky, his childhood friend died. He had cried for hours on end, Tony holding him the whole time wishing he could tell him things like, 'it's alright I love you'. "Is it because I've changed?"

"Maybe." Wow, Tony's using honesty. It's a word not often used in Tony's vocabulary.

"I'm still the same Steve. I just look different." he whispered. A thud indicated something of Steve hitting the door. Whether it be a hand or a foot or even his head, Tony would never know. He turned on his heel, walking down the hall, collapsing on his bed once again. He turned off his phone and slept.

++++++

Tony went to school the next day. Try as he might, he couldn't avoid Steve. He was there whenever Tony turned around, always asking him why, asking him to look, asking him to please help him understand. Tony didn't say anything to anyone, skipping lunch with them in favor of sitting like a loaner at the top of the bleachers.

Unluckily for him, Bruce followed him there, sitting beside him, eating his own lunch and acting like Tony was just being normal and not like a deranged idiot. "So." he started, after he finished his lunch. It made Tony jump and look up from his coffee that he had been staring into like it would tell him the answers to the universe.

"So?"

"What's up with you and Steve?"

Tony stiffened. "What are you talking about."

Bruce sighed, and Tony knew that was a bad sign, "We aren't idiots like you, Tony. We all know something's up."

"Nothing's up."

"That's a lie and you know it." Bruce jabbed his finger into Tony's bicep. Tony found himself comparing it to Steve's glorious ones before he looked up at Bruce and sighed.

"Bruce," Tony began and then lost control, everything pouring out of him as he spoke. He told Bruce he loved Steve and had since the beginning of grade 10 when they had first met. He told him how fucking upset he was when Steve left for the summer and how badly he wanted to tell Steve he loved him before he left. He told him about his feelings for him now, how he thinks he's the most beautiful thing in the world, especially before the summer, and his fear about telling him. He told him he couldn't face Steve in fear of saying something stupid.

Bruce was quiet for a long time after Tony finished talking, and it made Tony scared. He wondered if he should have said anything-- then smacks himself in the face mentally at how stupid it all sounded out loud. When Bruce finally spoke it surprised Tony, "Just talk to him, okay?"

Bruce then stood, and walked away, leaving Tony dumbfounded and cursing the world.

+++++

After lunch, Steve had art class and Tony had time in the lab to do whatever he wanted (except for blowing things up). He rushed to his locker to find Steve walking away with Natasha and Clint in tow, and he froze. Steve looked up, mid laugh, and made eye contact. Tony fought to keep it, but his gaze was unsteady and the curl in his stomach made him want to puke rainbows. "Steve," Tony found himself whispering when Steve got close enough to crowd him, Natasha and Clint continuing on their way to the art room like nothing was out of the ordinary. Steve was a head taller than Tony now. Tony could still wrap his arms around his shoulders, but it would be different. Tony would have to stand on the tips of his toes and the shoulders Steve had now would definitely change the feeling. "Steve I'm so sorry." he almost sobbed, catching his mouth in his hand before he did. People were looking, but most of them had learned to ignore Tony and his drama.

Steve sighed, softly and knowingly, he pulled him out of the hallways, out of the way of the people walking in the hall, and around to the back of the building where their friend group always ate lunch; the place where Tony had said goodbye to his small Steve. Tony could feel the sting in his eyes, the tears already threatening to fall down his cheeks as they walked, but he followed Steve, and he knew he would follow Steve anywhere.

When they got out back, Steve looked at Tony with something in his eyes that he couldn't place. "It's not pity, is it?" Tony whispered, as Steve's strong hands cupped his face. One of Tony's hands came up and settled on holding Steve's wide wrist.

"No, not pity." Steve's words were soft.

Tears rolled down Tony's face, Steve's thumbs brushing them away every so often, "Did I screw everything up?" They were standing real close, Tony's back against the cool brick wall.

Steve shook his head, that sad smile that was oh so Steve dancing on his lips, "Never."

Tony ducked his head down, thudding against a very powerful chest. "I'm sorry I acted like that," he whispered, Steve's arms wrapping around his shoulders and bringing him closer. "You're just so different and everything is changed and I don't want you to think that I--" he stopped, not intending to go on, not intending to even think about finishing that statement. He pushed Steve away, holding him at arm's length, Steve's baby blues curiously eyeing him, calculating. "Stop that," he whispered, "Stop being so perfect. It's not fair."

Steve huffed a laugh, pulling Tony in closer again, "No." he whispered into Tony's ear before letting go and stepping back, "I got a new phone. My other one died." he shrugged at Tony's questioning eyebrow, "I'll text you my number, and then I expect texts and calls every night."

"Just like the summer?" Tony asked, happy his weak show of bawling like a baby had subsided. This was already starting to feel normal.

"Yeah, but this time we can actually see each other too." He smiled, genuine and happy, causing Tony's heart to jump into his throat.

"Whatever you say, Rogers." he scoffed playfully. Yeah.

Steve smiled and shrugged, "See you after school, Stark."

Tony nodded as Steve walked away, late for his favorite class. Only Steve would give Tony that kind of attention. And, just like Steve, he had made Tony feel infinitely better. Tony felt like things were going to be okay. So what if Steve didn't think of him in the same way, or that Steve didn't even know Tony loved him, Tony had him and they shared the best friendship ever. Tony was happy.

+++++++++++++

Months went by and everything was normal. Steve and Tony became as inseparable as they were before, bantering and joking and just all around enjoying each other's company. When they finally settled back down into a normal routine, the whole group seemed to relax. The tension was gone and they could all go back to being best friends. Tony decided it was best to put his love for his best friend behind him, even though some times Bruce gave him knowing stares and friendly casual conversations about the topic. It was hard, but it was necessary. When Tony told Bruce he was trying to forget about it, Bruce had just smiled sadly and sighed, like he knew something Tony didn't, and that just made Tony sad.

It was January when Steve told Tony that his mother was dying of cancer. Tony had been shocked and asked him how long it's been. When Steve replied with a few years and that she was just barely holding on now, Tony had opened his arms and let Steve cry on his shoulder for the second time. Steve had too much heartbreak in his life, Tony telling him something like 'I love you' would only hurt him more.

When Steve's mother died a few days later, she went peacefully with Steve by her side, holding her sickly hand through the whole thing. The group of friends went to her funeral and mourned with Steve, but the blonde had kept his composure and had cried only when he and Tony were safely alone at Tony's house, (snuggling) on the couch. They had fallen asleep together and weren't afraid to admit to each other the next morning that it had been the best sleep they've had in a long time.

Steve had a problem after that. He couldn't afford to live by himself and his only relative was his grandfather who lived nearly three hours away. He was 17 and could legally live by himself, but he couldn't find the means. It hit Tony as too good to be true yet he still felt like withering away into nothingness when he offered a place for Steve to stay. Steve had been baffled and shocked, but asked if it was alright nonetheless. Tony found himself nodding happily as Steve accepted the offer. He wanted to pay for something and not be a freeloader, but Tony assured him that it was fine. His father was paying for the place after all, and his father would be glad to hear that Tony had a friend who wanted to stay with him. Steve surrendered his thoughts and thanked Tony for helping him.

The group helped Steve pack and move into Tony's apartment suite. The apartment had two extra rooms that Tony had only ever used when the others stayed over at his house, and that wasn't very often, so there was plenty space for Steve and his belongings. Within a week, Steve was settled in Tony's home and Tony found himself wishing with all his might that he could tell Steve he loved him.

"Thanks, Tony." Steve said from the couch as Tony walked in, two coffees in his hand. It was Steve's first night here, though it wasn't his first night sleeping here. But now it's different; it's not just a sleepover, Steve was living here. He was staying here.

"It's just coffee." He said cautiously. They had gone far enough in their friendship to just get each other coffee just they way they liked it. It wasn't weird or anything, right? He fretted inwardly as he watched Steve chuckle, taking the coffee and sipping it, the smile never leaving his lips.

"I wasn't talking about the coffee," Oh. "Thank you for everything."

"It's no biggie." Tony shrugged, taking a long sip of his own coffee, slumping back into the couch. "You would have done the same for me."

"Yeah."

The silence was comfortable as Tony turned on the tv and watched random things before settling on the news and watching as people protested against gays and shit like that, "Bastards." Tony felt himself mumble into his coffee as some activist said something about gay people having gay babies.

"You can say that again." Steve snorted and Tony jumped. Had he honestly forgotten Steve was there? Wow.

Tony changed the channel, unable to take the stupidity. When he couldn't find anything of interest, he turned it off and slid off the couch, pulling out a pen and doodling aimlessly on some paperwork on the coffee table. Steve slid down next to him, so Tony nudged another pen his way. They doodled like they have so many times before, just drawing nothing while the other drew mustaches and stuff to make them look hilarious. Tony found himself giggling a few times, Steve joining in like he couldn't help himself every single time.

"Is this weird?" Steve asked, once the page was full of doodles. Tony looked up from the handlebar mustache he was drawing to see Steve staring right into his eyes. Tony suddenly felt self-conscious. How long had Steve been staring?

"Is what weird?" he responded, surprised he did.

"This? Me living with you."

Tony snorted, breaking eye contact and looking down at the paper, "This just feels natural."

Steve laughed, "Yeah. It does, doesn't it?" he seemed relieved. But then again, Tony felt relieved; he hadn't meant to answer like that. Steve stood up, his knee or something cracking. "Well I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight, Tony."

"Goodnight." Tony breathed, awed by how natural this really was. His brain wasn't lying, this was all so natural, like they were meant to be together. Oops. Tony let his face fall against the coffee table, his cheek squishing up against the glass. His stomach was flailing around; butterflies threatening to escape if he opened his mouth even a crack. He tried so hard to get rid of those thoughts. Steve could never be his any more than he already was. It was enough, just having him as a friend was enough. Right?

No. It wasn't alright. And he knew it.

++++++++++

Tony awoke with a start without really knowing why. He got strange nightmares every so often and he didn't know or remember the cause of them. He couldn't remember the nightmares once he woke up, but he always woke with a start when he was having them. And as always, he was drenched in sweat and trembling. He sighed a shaky breath and got out of his too-hot bed. He peeled off his shirt and shorts, leaving only his boxers on and opened the door.

Steve was laying in a puddle of muscle at the foot of his door, his shoulders trembling slightly, no doubt from the cold. Tony squatted down beside him and poked his shoulder gently, "Steve?" he whispered. Steve flinched but didn't wake up. He was twitching out pretty badly, his arms flexed and taught, looking like they were about to punch something. "Steve." he said more loudly, more urgently. He wanted to touch him, to shake him out of it, but he knew that waking a person having nightmares by touching them was a bad thing. "Come on, Steve, it's alright. Wake up, come on."

Steve's eyes suddenly flung open and in a flash he sat up and scooted to the other end of the hall, his chest heaving and his forehead beaded with sweat. His eyes were blown, wide and frightened. "Steve," Tony whispered, cautiously crawling closer to him, "Steve it's alright. It's me, Tony."

"Tony," Steve choked out, his voice strained, "T--Tony?"

"Yeah, that's me," Tony cuddled up in front of him, holding one of Steve's hands in his own, it was clammy and cold.

"You're... awfully naked." Steve whispered, his eyes still scared, but considerably less so. His face might have been a little flushed, but it was dark, so Tony couldn't be sure.

Tony looked down at himself, "It seems as though I am." He smiled cheekily back up at Steve, his breathing was calming down. "Are you alright?"

"It's just a nightmare," Steve dismissed, "I'm sorry--"

"Why were you in front of my door?" Tony asked suddenly.

Steve bit his lip, his hand squeezing Tony's uncontrollably, "I was scared." his voice was small.

Tony made to stand up, hauling Steve with him. "You could have woken me up." he whispered softly. He tugged Steve along with him to the bathroom; the place he was headed to anyways.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked as Tony let go of him and turned on the bath.

Tony didn't answer until the bath was full of the warmest water Tony could get without it being scalding hot. "You're cold. Get in the bath."

He turned and walked away but was denied exit when Steve grabbed him gently by his elbow. He didn't look at Tony, his eyes focused on the bath, "Thank you." he whispered, barely audible, if Tony wasn't standing right beside him, he wouldn't have heard it.

Tony nodded and left, closing the door behind him. He went to another bathroom and had a quick warm shower, rinsing himself of the mystery nightmare. When he finished he returned to his room and got dressed in dry pjs before walked to the living room. He went past the bathroom Steve was in, seeing the light still on and hearing the slight noises of water swishing around. He blushed and continued on his way to the living room.

Tony didn't know when he had fallen asleep, but when he woke up, he was laying on the couch with a very warm Steve pressed up against his back, a heavy blanket over them both. He laid there, face against the back of the couch, enjoying the closeness and the warmth. It was probably 7, the light seemed about right, so that meant it was time to get up for school. He smiled and instead, let himself drift off again, drowning in the way Steve's arm was clasped tightly around his waist.

+++++++++++

Life went on, Tony couldn't stop thinking about Steve, and soon it was March and time for Spring Break.

"Let's go to France." Tony said as they sat at the table eating breakfast. It was Saturday, the first official day of Spring Break. No school for a whole week.

"No." Steve didn't even look up from the newspaper in front of him. Tony sighed overdramatically. Living with Tony, Steve had quickly learned how to say no to him.

"Mexico?"

"No."

"Uh. Germany?"

"No, Tony." Steve glanced upwards, his big blue eyes catching Tony off gaurd. God, his eyes were always so gorgeous.

"Canada?" he made a face.

Steve laughed and sat back in his chair, tapping his coffee mug with his finger. "Why can't we just stay here?"

Tony groaned, leaning forward onto the table, waving his hands around to emphasize, "Why stay here when we could go anywhere else?"

Steve raised his eyebrows and then shrugged, "I like it here."

That stopped Tony dead in his tracks, "Oh." he said. The coffee machine beeped, telling them it was ready and before Steve could do anything, Tony reached forward and grabbed both their empty mugs, filling them up. The kitchen was silent save for the small noises he made as he poured that little bit of milk into Steve's mug and dropped a spoonful of sugar into his own. He sat back down, giving Steve his coffee and taking a sip out of his, "I mean yeah sure, we can stay here if you want."

"I want to." Steve said into his mug, his eyes blazing over the rim of the coffee mug as he drank.

"But what would we even do?"

Steve shrugged, resuming reading the paper, "It doesn't matter if we do anything, Tony." he flipped the page, "I like just hanging out with you."

Tony choked on his coffee, setting it down and running to the sink to cough it out. Steve appeared at his side, his eyes wide with worry, "Oh my gosh Tony are you okay?" he asked.

Tony wiped his mouth on a tea towel, waving a hand dismissively at Steve. "Yeah I'm alright." Steve was standing right behind Tony as he leaned over, and that was all fine, yes. But then he placed a hand on the small of Tony's back, causing Tony to make a strange sound in the back of his throat and then jump away after realizing what he had done. He turned to face Steve who had his hands up as if he'd been caught shoplifting. His face was flushed and he wasn't looking Tony in the eye. Tony looked down at himself. No awkward boner. Oh thank god. Tony glared at Steve, "What?"

Steve immediately stood straight up, turned sharply on his heel, and walked briskly out of the room. Tony paused, thinking. Holy shit. "Steve?" He followed behind Steve as he walked into the bathroom, shutting the door on Tony's face. Tony cursed, "Steve are you okay?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to react like that, I'm sorry." his voice got quiet at the end. Holy shit. Tony was right.

"No, hey that's okay." he whispered, backing away from the door. "I'll just leave now--"

"I'm sorry."

He wanted to tell Steve that it was okay, that he got that way too, but he looked down again and yup, just what he thought, he had a boner. Damn. Just thinking of Steve getting a boner because of him was enough to make him hard. He escaped to his room, thinking of old wrinkly grandmas and pruney feet until he felt calmer.

When he returned to the living room, Steve was chilling on the couch, leaning against the armrest sketching in a sketch book. He was a talented drawer and it was just one of the many things Tony loved about him. Tony sighed and plopped down opposite of Steve, poking his shin with his foot. "Whatcha drawing?"

"Stuff." Steve replied. Tony could see the faint flush on his neck, the way it was tinged more pink than brown. He smiled.

"What kind of stuff?"

Steve looked up, his eyes displaying all sorts of emotion. Tony couldn't pinpoint any of them. It's never been fair, Steve can read him like an open book in plain English whereas to Tony, Steve was like a bible written in Latin. "Just stuff, okay?"

Tony bit his lip, "Okay." He tried to be quiet and just enjoy the company but he couldn't handle the silence. So he sighed loudly and shifted around until his head was dangling off the edge of the couch, his feet in the air, legs propped up against the back of the couch. Steve laughed from beside him, and then after some shuffling joined Tony upside-down. They looked at each other once they were settled and laughed. For no reason. They were clutching their stomachs, choking on spit, barking out laughter that had no purpose. Tony ended up rolling right off the couch and hitting his ankle on the coffee table. They both instantly stopped and Tony winced as Steve checked it over.

"Damn." Tony whined as Steve rolled up his pants. His ankle was bright red and was swelling so fast you could almost see it grow.

"We have to get you to a hospital." Steve looked him in the eye, daring him to say no.

Tony always loved a challenge, "I don't like hospitals. It's probably just a sprain or something."

Steve rolled his eyes, "Can you wiggle your toes?" Steve asked. Tony tried and found that he could not. Steve cursed under his breath, reaching around Tony to help him up. Tony tried to stand on his own but nearly fell doing so, "Don't do that." Steve warned, standing in front of Tony with his back to him, placing one and then the other of Tony's arms around his broad shoulders, and then hauling him up onto his back, "Hold on." he grunted, picking up Tony's legs.

Steve piggy-backed him to Tony's car where he took no time fiddling with the locks before tossing Tony into the passenger side. Quickly, he reappeared in the driver's seat and didn't say anything through the look of concentration on his face the entire ride there.

Turns out Tony broke his ankle. It would take three months to heal and he had to wear a cast for two and half of those months. Steve sat beside him the whole time, bristling whenever Tony grimaced or flinched away from the doctor. Steve drove them home after everything, still refusing to say anything. It was dark by the time they got home, Tony had crutches and almost fell down the stairs on the way into the building because he couldn't see where he was going, but Steve was prepared and had saved him. He saved him so much that day.

It wasn't until they got into their home that Tony broke the silence, "Why won't you talk?" he demanded, locking the front door behind him.

"What are you talking about?" Steve asked, his words cold.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." This conversation felt like it had been used already.

Steve sighed, collapsing on the couch and grimacing. Tony fumbled in behind him, falling face first onto the cushions on the opposite side of the couch, his head close to Steve's thigh. Steve stifled a snort, "I'm sorry," he confessed, "I guess seeing you hurt and not being able to do anything about it really shocked me."

"Shocked, yeah that's what it was, eh?" Tony laughed into the cushions.

"I was angry, okay?"

Tony shifted, scooting his legs up so he was sitting right beside Steve, even though there was plenty of couch to choose from, his knees right up against Steve's thigh. "You were angry that you couldn't help me?" he asked quietly, keeping eye contact even though his heart was screaming at him to look away.

"Yeah." He sighed, defeated. He looked away (thank god) and hung his head, rubbing his neck nervously. When his hands returned to being clasped together on his lap, Tony leaned close, nonchalantly of course, and wrapped an arm around Steve's shoulder. Steve laughed almost bitterly, "Shouldn't I be the one comforting you?"

"Nah." Tony whispered, rubbing his shoulder soothingly. "I kind of want to hold you, anyways."

Steve stiffened momentarily before sitting up, an incredulous look on his face. Tony slipped his arm back to himself and hugged it against his chest. Oh god, had he really just said that? Oh no. "What did you say?" Steve whispered, a slight tremor in his voice.

Tony bit his tongue. Oh shit, stop that brain. Stop thinking about actually telling him. He worried his lip between his teeth, eyes dancing around, "Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"Tony--" Steve stopped abruptly, looking down. Tony let his hand be taken gently by Steve and looked everywhere but at him, "Tony, can I assume things?"

"Only if they're the right things," Tony breathed, looking at their hands. They've held hands before, during hard times and when the other had really needed it, but now... now was different. It felt different in a way that made Tony's heart beat like crazy.

"Tony..." Steve leaned forward only slightly, his free hand cupping Tony's chin and tugging him upwards. Tony found himself lost in the sea of blue, the sea that he had loved ever since he laid his own dull brown eyes on them, even if he hadn't realized it at first.

"I like you a lot," Tony whispered, hoping he wasn't wrong, that that look in Steve's eyes was love and nothing but. "I've liked you for so long."

"How long?" his voice was shaky.

"Since I met you." he sounded far away, his heartbeat loud and obnoxious in his chest.

Steve sucked in a breath, "Even when I was small?"

"Especially when you were small," He swallowed, "That's why I was so freaked out when you got back and you were like this." He gestured feebly with his free hand, forgetting for a moment that his other one was intertwined with Steve's.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Steve looked away only for a moment, a glorious blush riding high on his cheeks, "Can I kiss you?"

Tony's eyes widened, "What?"

"Please?"

Tony looked around nervously, "What? But... you weren't supposed to-- no, you're supposed to reject me... and tell me I'm disgusting-- you're supposed to hate me. You're supposed to be with a nice girl who can give you all the family you want-- not some spoiled rich kid like me."

Steve chuckled lightly, "But what if I've wanted this rich spoiled kid in front of me?"

Wanted. Oh god. "...What?"

"I've liked you too." He huffed out a laugh, "Since we met."

Tony felt his lips twitch into a slight grin, "Are you fucking kidding me."

"We're idiots, aren't we?"

"Yeah."

Steve's eyes were so sincere, "So, can I kiss you?" His hand moved from Tony's chin to the back of Tony's neck, tugging gently.

Tony nodded a soft, "Yeah." escaping his lips.

Steve pulled him forward that tiny bit and their lips pressed together. It was soft and slow, no tongue or teeth, something they both needed to root their new discoveries to the spot. They had wasted so much time being idiots. Tony decided to be brave and let his tongue swipe gently across Steve's lips, earning him a throaty groan when Steve opened up graciously. Tony let his tongue explore while his hands roamed all over Steve's torso and arms, not risking going further south. Tony pushed on Steve's bicep, getting him to lay down on the couch and settled himself in between his legs, hovering on top of him. His ankle hit the edge of the couch and he flinched, breaking the kiss.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Steve asked, sitting up slightly before Tony pushed him down again. Tony caught a glimpse of Tony's kiss swollen lips and just about lost it.

"Yes I'm fine. Can we kiss some more?" He leaned down but Steve stopped him with a hand to his mouth. Tony made a disgruntled noise, snaking his tongue out to lick Steve's palm. Steve groaned.

"Tony, you're hurt. I can't do this while you're hurt."

"Oh come on, it's just kissing." His voice was muffled.

Steve laughed releasing his hand, cupping Tony's cheek with his other one ('cause that one was wet hah.) like Tony was some precious artifact. "I don't want you to hurt any more than you should."

Tony was dumbstruck, "You've always been so nice to me."

"I know. Now you know why?"

Tony blushed at the thought, "Please let me kiss you." Steve sighed, rolling his eyes, though his lips were smiling in soft understanding. Tony took that as a 'yes' and leaned down again, kissing slow and deep.

It didn't go much further than kissing and nipping. They were exploring, sure, but they were tentative, their touches small and hesitant, not knowing if there was boundaries and if so, where they were. "Steve," Tony breathed into his mouth as the kiss broke again, "Steve you have no idea how happy I am."

Steve chuckled lightly, the rumbling in his chest vibrating against Tony's own, "Oh I'm sure I have an idea."

"I can't believe this. This is insane."

"It's not fair." Steve whispered. Tony nodded knowingly. It wasn't fair that they had loved each other for so long, yet it was only now that they figured out it was mutual. "When I was leaving for the summer last year," he said, "I was going to tell you. I was so close to telling you." Tony sucked in a breath, gaze never faltering from Steve's stony one, "But then it was over and I was gone and I couldn't do anything."

"I was going to tell you too." Tony admitted quietly, "I guess we're cowards?"

"Only when it comes to love, I guess."

Tony smiled softly. This was going so well. Finally, he could express himself how he wanted to, right? "I can... kiss you anytime I want to, right?"

Steve laughed gently, carding a careful hand through Tony's hair, Tony leaning into the touch, "Only if you promise to be my boyfriend."

Tony blushed, "But yeah, of course."

Steve smiled rubbing his nose against Tony's, "Then you can kiss me whenever you want."

Tony sighed, leaning into Steve's hand that he had left on the side of Tony's face, "Good. 'Cause I'll probably do it a lot."

"Me too." Steve said, "To make up for time lost."

Tony smiled sweetly and settled his body weight down onto Steve, laying his head in the crook of Steve's neck, nuzzling slightly at the place where neck meets shoulder, inhaling the sweet scent of coffee and leather and Steve. "Sounds like a plan."

"You don't even like plans."

"See? I'm already making exceptions for you."

++++++

They went steady immediately. Their friend group gave the customary congratulations, but overall no one seemed surprised. Tony got yelled at by Pepper for not telling her until Steve told her politely to stop. Steve didn't tell anyone but Bruce. Tony didn't ask why he told Bruce, but he did say that he told Bruce too, which made everyone turn to Bruce with furious question in their eyes. He had just shrugged and told them all that true love finds it's own way. Clint punched him on the arm. Hm. Maybe Clint was learning something. Tony decided to make him a new bow for that. Maybe.

They never fought, which scared Tony. Well, they did fight, but it was always about stupid things that they would have fought over even if they weren't in a relationship. Ah. Relationship. Whenever Tony remembers that Steve is finally his, or remembers that he can kiss him or hold his hand in public he gets butterflies in his stomach and feels like he's going to puke sparkles. Or maybe it was rainbows. He's not sure any more.

They have taken to sleeping in each others beds, never doing anything more than kissing and sleeping. Tony is content with that; it is after all how he dreamed it would be. Simple and loving, nothing too stressful or worrying.

Tony got his cast off mid-May, which was lucky for him because Graduation was coming up fast. Their school wasn't a big one, so they didn't have fancy things like prom and homecoming. They had a Graduation ceremony at the end of the year that was up close and personal with the graduates and then a small dance that followed. Then people split off to go to their respective parties and get completely hammered.

It was two weeks before graduation, and Steve and Tony hadn't gotten their suits yet. Tony wasn't worrying, but Steve was stressed.

"If we're going together, do we have to match?" Tony asked, browsing through suits online.

"What do you mean if?" Yup. Steve was stressed. It was like everything Tony said got on Steve's last nerve. Tony found it adorable, but didn't tell him that in fear of being chewed out because of it.

"You know I didn't mean it like that." Tony sighed, leaning back on the chair and looking at the exhausted Steve curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed. He'd just gotten out of the shower so his clothing was slightly wet and his hair was dripping.

"I'm sorry. I know you didn't." his muffled reply came a few moments later.

Tony stood from the chair at his desk and walked over to Steve, sitting down behind him and rubbing absentmindedly on his shoulder, "It's okay that you're stressed, but everything'll turn out fine."

"I'm not stressed, Tony."

Tony bit his lip, "You sure?"

Steve was silent, probably biting his fingernails, "No."

"That's what I thought." Tony stood up on his knees and pulled the blanket off of his lover. He pushed his shoulder until Steve was laying flat on his back underneath him, "What's wrong, babe?"

Steve worried his lip, gaze never drifting away from Tony's face, "It's nothing."

"It's something."

"Tony--"

"Steve."

He sat up, running a hand through his hair only to have it flop lifelessly back against his forehead. Tony ran his hands through it before cupping Steve's face. Tony knew what was wrong. It was his mom. They had given a table to each grad student. Each table had ten seats that could be filled any way by the grad. Tony had been able to fill only four of the seats, but Steve had only one. In the end, they decided to share their table when they realized how little they had. After that day, Steve had been more withdrawn, less talkative, like he was mourning but didn't know how, "I'm sorry." Tony whispered, pressing a light kiss to his forehead, eye, cheekbone, jaw, nose, and then softly on his lips, lingering.

"It's no one's fault," Steve whispered, his eyes closed, hands pressed firmly over Tony's, obviously craving and needing the attention. "It's no one's fault." his voice caught on a tremor.

Tony pressed more loving kisses everywhere he could. All over his face, in his hair, on his hands, on his neck. Steve was crying, his body trembling ever so slightly, warm tears streaming down his cheeks. "Steve?"

He opened his eyes ever so slightly, the onslaught of emotion messing with Tony's inner workings, "Yeah Tony?"

"I love you," he whispered so softly, "I love you so much."

That made more tears fall. Steve looked down, still holding Tony's hands in place. Tony rested his head on Steve's and again pressed kisses everywhere he could reach whispering those words over and over again. They had been together almost three months but they hadn't said the words yet. It was obvious to everyone that it was more than a crush and that it was in fact love, but they were cowards. They couldn't do it.

"Tony, Tony, Tony," Steve was whispering, pleading almost. He raised his head and let his hands drop, taking Tony's with them. He pulled Tony closer and taking the hint, Tony pulled him into a hug, Steve's toned arms wrapping around Tony's shoulders, his face burying into the space between Tony and himself. Tony rubbed his cheek against the side of Steve's face and couldn't help but bask in the wonderful familiarity of the hug. It was just like the one from the beginning of that summer almost a year ago, but the roles were reversed. And instead of it being a goodbye hug, it was a loving, comforting embrace.

"What is it, babe?" Tony whispered against Steve's head.

"I love you too. So so so much."

Tony shuddered, "Yeah, I know." He kissed his head, "Are you gonna be alright, Steve?"

"Of course. Especially if you're there to help." He sniffled, "You always knew how to comfort me."

"Ditto about you." Tony whispered, smiling.

"Will you be my grad date?" Steve whispered. It felt like a proposal; another step in their naturally evolving relationship.

"Of course."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

++++++++++++

So graduation happened. It was a night for the grads, and it was wonderful. Steve and Tony decided instead of matching, they would pick each other's outfits for them. Steve ended up with black tux pants, a hot rod red red dress top that he was supposed to roll the arms up on and a sleek golden vest with black trim with a black tie to top it off. Tony got a full tuxedo, black, a white dress shirt with a deep blue vest with red trim and a matching bow tie. They got matching white roses and pinned them to each other's clothing while giggling like teenage girls.

Tony's parents even managed to make it for a few hours and even congratulated Tony. It had almost made Tony cry. Almost. Steve's grandfather was his only relative and he could only make it to say 'hello and and congrats' before heading out on his way. Steve didn't cry because he doesn't cry in public. Tony would bet good money he'd cry later that night though, when it was just the two of them in their home.

They danced together during almost every slow dance, switching partners sometimes to dance with the other people in their group. Steve even got Bruce to dance with him, and everyone had joked merrily about that later. Afterwards, they went to a dry grad party at Steve and Tony's for just them and their dates. It was awesome; full of pizza and video games. Oh and laughter too; all that jolly party stuff that isn't booze or girls.

Tony was happy for the distraction. He couldn't think about what was to come in the following months. He was going to MIT. Steve hadn't talked about any plans for after graduation with Tony and that was freaking him out. Tony couldn't be separated from him, not after they had gone through so much. Tony didn't care if people said high school relationships and friendships never lasted, he was going to make this work. Even if it meant giving up MIT. He would do it for Steve in a heartbeat.

Everyone helped clean up before leaving, and Tony was overly grateful for that.

They got changed out of their tuxedos and into their pjs, cuddling up on Steve's bed, not really saying anything at all. With the lights all off and the doors secured shut, Tony draped across Steve (and Steve held on tight), he was almost asleep instantly. But something in the back of his head was nagging at him, and he couldn't shut it up.

"Babe?" Tony whispered into the dark, watching Steve's face as it went from almost asleep to barely awake. He opened his eyes.

"Tony, I'm sleepy."

"Oh. Sorry." Tony nestled his face under the covers.

"What is it, Tones?"

Tony bit his lip, "Why won't you tell me your plans for after graduation?" Steve was quiet, closing his eyes instead of saying anything. It freaked Tony out to say the least, "Steve--"

"I don't have any plans, that's why." Steve said suddenly, eyeing Tony with that calculating stare he's only ever used a few times before.

"What?"

"You heard me, Tones." he whispered.

"But why? I thought you wanted to be an art teacher or something?"

Steve reached out and gripped Tony's hand, squeezing gently, "I've thought about it, Tony. A lot. I've talked about it with Bruce a bunch too."

Tony felt something in his stomach dropped, "You're not going to college because of me." It wasn't a question.

"I want to be with you, Tony." Steve whispered, "I don't need to go to school right away, but when I do, I'll be going somewhere close to you."

"MIT," Tony muttered, "Go to MIT with me."

"I'll follow you anywhere, Tony." He squeezed again, "But not now. I'm not ready."

Tony nodded slowly. "You're coming with me when I move over there." again, no question, even though it really should be.

"I have nowhere else to go. You're my one and only now."

"This is so sappy I can't handle it."

Steve chuckled sleepily, "I know. You like it when I'm sappy, though."

Tony shrugged, "You can't prove anything."

Steve eyed him sleepily, pulling his arms until he could press a soft kiss lazily against his lips. Tony melted into the touch, wanting more, but knowing he should wait. He'd wait forever if it meant always having Steve around. "I'll always be with you, okay?"

Tony was choking up. This was everything he'd ever wanted. It was all right here, right in front of him. It was telling him that it'll always be there, it'll always be his. He couldn't cry, not now, not ever. He had to be strong for Steve. He just had to be. "Alright. You have to promise though."

Steve grinned against his lips, his own tears mixing with Tony's as they cried together without really knowing why, "I promise Tony, I do."

It felt like they were proposing to each other again, and Tony knew Steve felt the same way about it too. They would get married in the future, that wasn't even a question; the thought making Tony cry harder and kiss with more passion, "Forever, then."

"It's a date."

Fin.