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It's Not What It Looks Like!

Summary:

A simple shopping trip turns complicated.

 

“You!” Xiao looked at the Blue Wrinkly Man top to toe, left to right, his voice bordering on teary. Was he seriously getting emotional? “While I shouldn’t have found out about your relationship this way, I’m truly glad you’re suited to my dear friend’s needs.”

Shigaraki frowned real hard. “Are you high or something, kid? What is wrong with you? In what universe does this look like a relationship?”

Oh, you poor innocent soul, Izuku thought, remembering the diabolically ‘creative’ fanfics Kaminari introduced to him. You have no idea.

Notes:

Inspired by Winds of Requiem by BrokenRea1ities, go read that first for world building and context, if you haven't already.
To the Author of Winds of Requiem, hi, I like your fics. Instead of leaving a comment as your fuel to write pain and angst, I leave you a fic in return. Hope you enjoy the crack.

Dialogue between Midoriya and Shigaraki is adapted from the anime English dub. I do not own any of these characters.

TW: Language, brainrot.
… I apologize for the brainrot. Anyways, enjoy I guess?

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Why do I always get into these situations?

 

It was supposed to be a simple shopping trip to buy supplies for the training camp. Hooray, summer vacation! Yet here Izuku was, in a life or death situation, again. This time, the culprit was Shigaraki’s existential crises, with a sprinkle of egoism and threats of mass murder. Hooray. Summer vacation.



“—It’s like, suddenly, everyone’s obsessed with that stupid hero killer! What do you think the difference is between us, Midoriya?”

 

Izuku groaned inwardly and trembled outwardly. Why ask meee… I’m not your therapist?

 

The hand pressing against his neck reminded him that, he really had to therapist if he wanted to get out of this situation.

 

“… I don’t know why you’re asking me this. You’re villains. I don’t understand you or your goals, nor do I agree with anything you do.” Crusty Blue did not look pleased with this answer, so he hurriedly added, “though, I believe the hero killer and I do have something in common — we’re both inspired by All Might.”

Shigaraki’s hand slackened a little, as the man seemed to be seriously pondering his words. Okaay, it’s working. With barely concealed spite, Izuku continued, “The Hero Killer may be a maniac, but he doesn’t destroy things just because it sounds fun. Though the way he acted was wrong, he held true to his beliefs — and that’s the difference between the two of you.

 

The hand on his neck stilled. Oops, maybe that was too much spite in one go.

Izuku sweatdropped, as Shigaraki’s crusty face contorted into a crusty smile. “It’s him,” he said crustily, “The problem is always All Might! Ooh, I’m so glad we had this chat! I feel better! I can’t thank you enough, Midoriya!”

Izuku’s eyes widened. Ooh, shitshitshit, I didn’t expect that to be his takeaway!

 

“Whoops, don’t struggle now! Unless you want to die!”

 


 

“Eh? Is that Midoriya? I didn’t expect to see-”

Xiao’s eyes widened minutely as he tensed at the scene before him.

Run, Xiao! He’s a villain! Go get help! Izuku stood frozen in place, hoping that he somehow gained a telepathy quirk in the last 5 minutes.

 

He did not gain a telepathy quirk, as Xiao, unfortunately, did not run. Instead, Xiao raised a finger and put it down again, seemingly unsure of what to do. 

 

“Oh, you’re here with a friend? Sorry about that!” Shigaraki said, hastily removing his hands from Izuku’s neck. His voice was sickeningly normal-sounding.

 

For god’s sake, just run! Izuku screamed internally. Use your super-windy-teleportation powers and get help!

 

Instead of running, Xiao’s face suddenly twisted into a massive smile, with sparkling eyes and all. Izuku blanched. What the fuck?

“Midoriya! You should’ve told me you had a degradation kink!” Xiao wailed dramatically, “I shouldn’t have found out about your boyfriend this way!”

 

Shigaraki and Izuku both froze, stunned. What the actual fuck.

 

“You!” Xiao looked at the Blue Wrinkly Man top to toe, left to right, his voice bordering on teary. Was he seriously getting emotional? “While I shouldn’t have found out this way, I’m truly glad you’re suited to my dear friend’s needs.”

 

Shigaraki frowned real hard. “Are you high or something, kid? What is wrong with you? In what universe does this look like a relationship?”

Oh, you poor innocent soul, Izuku thought, remembering the diabolically ‘creative’ fanfics Kaminari introduced to him. You have no idea.

 

Xiao continued to lament, “I know you’d really like my approval for your relationship, seeing as I’m his bestie and all, but I’m really sorry to say that it will take me a while to get used to this.” There was a glint in Xiao’s eyes, one that Izuku wasn’t sure he liked. “You are way older than him, which makes this kinda icky, you know. But I really admire your very skibidi rizz, and how you proudly parade around your crusty face and hands.” 

Xiao’s expression softened. Shigaraki’s expression hardened , as Xiao’s onslaught did not stop there. “It’s true that diversity is being increasingly recognised these days, but it still can’t be easy, being discriminated against as a fugly old prune. I really admire your bravery. Prune rights.”

 

That was it . Shigaraki scowled. “Listen kid, I don’t know what you’re on about, or what you are on , but please go waste someone else’s time. Your friend and I were just talking business -”

 

“Unhand the child and raise your hands above your head! You are under arrest!”

 

“Wha-” Shigaraki swirled around, finding himself surrounded by policemen. He whipped his head back to the annoying kid. 

“You!”

Said ‘kid’ merely stared back impassively. All traces of uncanny enthusiasm were gone from his expression, leaving only uncanny uncanniness. Shigaraki let out a bellow of frustration as he made one final lunge at Izuku.

 

Time seemed to slow down, as all five of Shigaraki’s crusty fingers closed around Izuku’s neck. Izuku let out a gasp and squeezed his eyes shut, he was going to die hewasgoingtodie -

 

Nothing happened. No disintegration. Nil.

 

The hand released, and Izuku doubled over, gasping for air. Distantly, he could hear Xiao’s concerned voice talking to Aizawa sensei’s stern tone in the background. Thank god for the power of erasure, sensei arrived just in time. Wait. Does that mean my telepathy actually worked?

 

“Jeez, kid. Why do you always get into these situations?” Despite his harsh tone, Aizawa sensei had knelt down to his eye level, checking him over. Izuku rubbed his neck, exhausted from the ordeal. “Sorry sensei,” he croaked out hoarsely, “I thought I was going to die.”

 

Now that the danger was over, he felt like he could fall asleep there and now. He let Aizawa sensei drag him away from the scene. “Let’s get you some rest. We can worry about the proceedings later.”

 


 

“How was the interrogation?”

 

Xiao dropped swiftly down the ledge, avoiding Aizawa’s gaze. He seemed despondent.

 

“They wouldn’t let me observe. Said I needed clearance due to the case being classified.”

Aizawa folded his arms. “But that, of course, didn’t stop you.”

Xiao snorted, “of course it didn’t.”

 

The two of them sat on the rooftop in silence, quietly processing the events of the day. Aizawa took the chance to observe his companion. While seemingly relaxed, the yaksha’s hands were in fists.

 

After debating his words for a while, Aizawa decided to speak up. “Quick thinking today. You were able to resolve the situation without exposing your true abilities.” If All for One were to learn of his powers, it could very well expose his identity and jeopardise their whole operation. “Though I have to say, it seems like you have been spending too much time with Kaminari.”

 

Xiao huffed, expression bordering a smile. “He certainly taught me many… educational things.”

In truth, he mostly had no idea what Kaminari was saying during their gaming meets. But considering that repeating whatever ‘memes’ he learned would cause everyone in a 30-metre radius to collectively facepalm, he had decided that Kaminari’s teachings were very useful indeed.

 

It felt good to put his newfound skills to use. However…

 

Xiao sighed, finally addressing the elephant in the room. Raising his head to look at Aizawa, his gaze was alarmingly sobering. It felt disquieting. “Other than some rants about All Might, they couldn’t get any other information out of him. If the interrogation keeps stalling, the chances that All for One will break him out seem increasingly likely.”

 

“Hmm. You’re right. And I doubt that the police forces will be able to stop him. So what do you plan to do?”

 

The question was simple, but it seemed to have struck the mark. “I plan to interrogate him myself. There’s something I can try. But it’s a little… unconventional?” Xiao’s gaze flitted to the side, somewhat frail, before hardening into resolve. 

 

Aizawa’s gaze softened. “Whatever it is, you have my support.”

Notes:

Xiao was gonna use his dream abilities on Shigaraki to figure out their plans, lol. There will be no part 2 to this oneshot, unless the durations where feel particularly inspired and have excess time on my hands intersect.

Alternate title: No, Crusty Man, I am NOT Your Therapist.

After literal years, I'm back, and alivee. Hope everyone is having a good day. ^-^
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