Chapter Text
Hiccup’s head was spinning as he crouched low to Toothless’s back, scales warm and firm against his arms as he clung to the saddle, salt stinging in his eyes, despite how far above the ocean they were flying. It was only a day before the fight, and he, quite simply, didn’t know how to deal with it. He’d had to shake off Astrid following him into the forest, only noticing her when she stepped on a twig, not the first time that had happened. Currently, it was looking like he had very little choice in the matter. Leave.
He loved his father, and his crush on Astrid was undeniable, but he couldn’t imagine a life without Toothless anymore, or dragons at all. He… didn’t think he could live like that anymore. The flights with Toothless, the freedom he offered him, and the companionship? Someone to talk to who actually seemed to care, and the way all the dragons he’d met so far obviously had such huge personalities, how could he live in a society that only saw him as monsters. He’d fought with his father and cousin, and his peers and the village enough.
Tonight, when the moon was high in the sky, he was leaving - for good.
He’d been thinking about it hard (maybe too hard) and he just couldn’t see any other alternative. There were hundreds of uninhabited islands beyond Berk, and who knows what else beyond where he’d flown. There had to be somewhere that a boy and a dragon could live and hide with little fear of discovery. Despite being the son of a chief, thanks to his father being less - attentive in later years, he spent a lot of time in the village and the forge, so he was sure he could organise everything in a way that meant that he could live alone. He remembered his father mentioning different markets, and tribes he would have to avoid. He was taking a short flight now to make sure his clothing and the saddle was all working properly, so that when he left, it would be simple and quiet, and nobody would know he had gone anywhere at all - well, at least until it was too late.
“Land on this island Toothless, just for a minute, I want to check how the straps and the new padding look.” Toothless, wordlessly of course, tucked his wings into himself and plummeted into a steep dive, levelling off just before they hit the ocean and soaring upwards onto the small wooded isle. This wouldn’t be the one they would stay at, it was far too close to Berk, and if he was doing this, he was going to do it right.
He slid off the saddle easily, for something that he’d only learned in a matter of weeks, it felt more at home than the village had ever, apart from when he was working at the forge.
Toothless spun his head around looking at him curiously, as the boy knelt down beside him, checking the straps attaching the saddle to the scales. He’d added a small amount of sheep's wool, easy to get hold of with nobody noticing, to try and cushion any pressure points, or where metal touched the skin. Toothless’s scales were tough, but he didn’t want to cause unnecessary stress. The dragon leant into the pressure, humming contentedly, and Hiccup half-mindedly reached out to scratch behind the dragon’s ear nub, which was too much for the scaly beast, who rolled over chirping happily.
“Ah, forgot about that.” Hiccup muttered, dramatically trying to pull his arm out from underneath the animal, who was still humming happily.
“Yes, I know you like that area being scratched.” He softly laughed, finally pulling his arm out and falling backwards slightly, before going to check the tail, which was as fresh as the day it had been finalized. While checking the tail, he foolishly forgot to carry on scratching Toothless’s head, and he spun his head around disgruntled, shifting to his feet slightly while the boy was distracted, leaping onto him as Hiccup let out a startled yelp and was knocked backwards.
“OOF, ouch, yes, I’m sorry you silly reptile.” Hiccup grumbled out, eyes soft nonetheless, as Toothless wormed himself towards the boy and Hiccup started scratching him, the dragon going limp with contentedness. Hiccup gave up the attempts to check the saddlery, not with Toothless on him like an overgrown dog. The dragon’s scales were warm and rough against his hands, the calluses that he'd built up from working in a forge getting thicker even just in the time he’d known the dragon.
He couldn’t imagine life without him anymore.
He’d been debating about whether to release the dragons from the arena or not. He thought he should, at least something good would happen, but it really did depend on whether he was spotted leaving, or noticed too early. He couldn’t change his village’s mind on dragons, too many had lost loved ones, and, at the end of the day, Vikings were known for their stubbornness.
“OK, bud, back to Berk. I think this should go just fine.” Toothless hummed back, the vibration echoing up Hiccup’s hands, hauling himself to his feet and standing still while Hiccup used the saddle to pull himself upright, and slip into the saddle. Together as one, the dragon leaped upwards, and began the flight back to the village.
By the time they had got back, the light was already dimming, the icy cold of Viking nights starting to grip more firmly to him. Dismounting the tired dragon, he decided to pull the saddle off and stow it in the shadow of the cliff, leaving the tail attached, but unhooking the rod that currently powered it. Hiccup would already be laden on his way down later that night, and he couldn’t afford to take two trips, and he was painfully aware of his own body strength, or lack of. Rubbing the palm of his hand one more time against Toothless head, he slipped back into the village - one thing being the smallest runt out of everyone offered was the ability to hide in shadows a lot easier than say his cousin could. He quietly entered the house, pulling the door shut as softly as possible - but evidently he had misjudged his father.
“Where have you been, son?” His fathers gruff voice carried in the darkness, his hulking frame illuminated by the flames of the fire pit.
“Ah, dad, hi, I - was not expecting you!” He stammered, realising as he spoke how stupid his words sounded, and how they convinced absolutely no-one of anything as he drew closer to the fire, fidgeting with a small piece of fabric he’d been working on the saddle with a night ago.
He could see his fathers distinctly unimpressed face now, a bushy eyebrow slightly raised.
“OK, I was just getting some practice in y’know! For tomorrow? Doing some thinking, and - strategizing.” The last part came off more as a question, but it was no matter as his fathers attention had already been distracted by mention of the fight tomorrow - note to self, mentioning a fight is a very good way to distract a viking.
“Ah, well done son, I’m so glad! I can’t believe how much you’ve - changed recently! Really living up to my name.” Guilt and something like remorse squirmed painfully in him. He loved his dad, he really did, even if he knew he would never be able to live up to the man's name, not really. As soon as anyone found out about Toothless, he would probably be disowned, at best. Vikings didn’t take kindly to things being changed without their agreement.
Murmuring an assent and some sort of incomprehensible farewell, he ran up the stairs. Half way up he paused.
“Love you dad.” Before Stoick could say anything, positive or negative, the boy had slipped into his room and was gone.
When Hiccup closed the door behind him, his stomach was stirring with the first feelings of regret, remorse and guilt, and he hadn’t even left yet. He knew this was the best option, but still, his father would be so angry. Would he be sad? How angry would he be? Would he blame the dragons for taking another family member from him? Hiccup was too young to remember Valka, Mum, and Stoick seldom talked of her. When he did, it was with soft sad eyes that he rarely saw in his direction, and only in the late evening, when the fires roared, and the mead was poured, and he was young enough to not be quite so much of a disappointment yet.
On a spur of the moment decision, Hiccup pulled a piece of paper from his notebook, the one that would be coming with him when he left, along with a new one, and sat at his desk, grabbing a pencil and pausing, before beginning to write.
Dad,
I’m sorry. I can’t stay here, and I can’t kill dragons. I’ve tried, again and again. But we’re wrong about them. There is something out there, and one day, I intend to kill it, so you can see that the dragons aren’t so different from us. But I know you don’t believe that, and I know you’re probably so, so angry with me right now, and I’m sorry.
I’m leaving, and by the time you’ve seen this, I will be long gone.
I didn’t want to be a disappointment, a hiccup, but it was all I could ever be. I hope with me gone, the village will prosper, and one day you’ll understand.
Please know I love you. You’re my father, my dad, and I’m not doing this to hurt you.
I’m trying to stop hurting you.
Your son, Hiccup.
Tears stinging his eyes, he placed the piece of paper on the desk, and blew out the candle, feeling his way to his bed, and curling up under the far too thin blanket.
Guilt clawed at him, and all he could wonder was if this was the right thing to do. But he couldn’t live without dragons, or Toothless, and nobody wanted him here, before he could start to ‘defeat’ dragons.
It was the right choice, and now he just had to do it.