Archive of Our Own ^beta

Logan sits down on the couch next to James, hand reaching for the popcorn.

“Tell Kendall and Carlos to hurry up, will you? I wanna watch this movie before it becomes a classic.”

Logan rolls his eyes as he heaves himself off the couch. “That popcorn better still be here when I get back.”

James digs his hand into the bowl and shovels the popcorn into his mouth. “I make no promises,” he mumbles around it.

Logan leans over the back of the couch and yanks the container from James’ grasp. “Then I’ll just bring it with me.” He walks to the back of the apartment and is about to knock on Kendall and Carlos’ bedroom door when he hears James’ retort.

“Mean!”

Logan chuckles to himself as he knocks on the door. “Hey, guys? James is getting antsy. Are you coming?”

Banging sounds come from inside the room before Logan hears Kendall say, “Carlos, stop tackling me. I don’t care if James lets you do it; it fucking hurts sometimes.”

Logan shakes his head. “I need to get new friends,” he mutters. He pounds on the door again. “Guys! It’s movie time. Move your asses!”

Logan manages to step back as the door flies open and Carlos barrels through. A crash sounds from the living room seconds later and Logan is grateful he took the popcorn with him.

Logan hands Kendall the popcorn. “Please go make sure that nothing is broken. I’ll be right out.”

Logan steps into the bathroom and takes a couple of deep breaths, trying to get his sudden headache to abate. Nothing ever goes the way he wants and all he wants is a relaxing night watching Lethal Weapon 2 again.

After another few deep breaths and some aspirin swallowed, Logan makes his way to the living room in time to catch heated whispers being traded among the other three.

“What’s going on? Did you guys break something valuable this time?” Logan rubs his forehead as the throb inside starts to increase.

Logan stares hard at Kendall, who cracks under its weight. “Actually-”

“Actually, we were fighting over who would pick the movie,” James interjects.

Logan swings his gaze to James. “We’re twenty fucking years old! Why does something as simple as a movie choice, which I thought had already been decided, have to be such a fucking hassle?” Logan watches James’ mouth open and close while a hand creeps up to rub at the back of his head. Seeing that gesture ratchets the pain in Logan’s head from a seven to a nine.

When nothing else is said, Logan rubs at his own head once more. “I’m skipping movie night and going to bed. Do what you want, but keep it down.”

Logan can feel their eyes on him as he strides away.

He enters his bedroom and strips down to his boxers and undershirt before climbing into bed. Closing his eyes helps alleviate the pressure in his skull. I hope tomorrow is a better day, he thinks.

Logan’s still awake when James comes into the room a short while later, but he keeps both his eyes and mouth closed. He doesn’t know what to say to James and his headache has only just begun to recede, so Logan doesn’t say anything.

We’ll talk soon, he promises himself.

Sleep gets her claws into Logan and is dragging him away when he shakes free, bolting upright. “James.”

He scrambles out of bed and is vigorously shaking James’ prone figure as he continues calling his name. “James! Wake up!”

Relief washes over Logan as he watches James’ eyes blink open. “Logan? What’s wrong?”

“I still have time,” he mumbles to himself. To James, he says, “Get dressed. We need to get you to a doctor.”

Logan turns away from James and pulls on the nearest clothes he can find.

“Isn’t that my shirt?”

Logan swings back towards James. “It doesn’t matter! If you aren’t dressed in the next thirty seconds, you’re going to the hospital exactly how you are.” When James doesn’t move, Logan barks out, “Now!”

Logan listens to James rush around behind him while he yanks his boots on, not wasting any more time by lacing them. A quick glance at James proves that he’s adequately clothed for being paraded through the emergency room and that’s enough for Logan.

He grabs James’ arm and tugs until James is moving just as quickly as he is, out the apartment, down the stairs and through the lobby.

Right before they step through the lobby’s doors into the night, James comes to a halt. “Logan? My ears are ringing.”

Terror races through Logan. “James, can you still hear me? We’re running out of time.”

When James doesn’t respond, Logan shoves him through the doors, not willing to let his best friend lose one of his senses again. He needs to get James to the hospital and the doctors will be able to help him.

A flash from a paparazzo’s camera goes off in Logan’s face and the bright light blinds him. He loses James in that moment. “James!”

A second flash goes off. “Stop that!” he closes his eyes and yells in the direction of the photographer. “I need to get him to a doctor immediately!”

The bright light happens for a third time and Logan lunges for the guy. “I said stop!” Logan’s hands meet nothing but air, causing Logan to open his eyes.

The image of the paparazzo dissolves, giving way to the view of an apartment that is clearly not 2J. From his position on the couch, he can see a bright light over the door flashing throughout the darkness.

In the split-second it takes to recognize his surroundings, the grief and guilt overwhelm Logan, freezing him to the spot. The weight of reality hangs heavily on Logan’s conscience like an unshakable albatross.

Logan catches some movement out of the corner of his eye and watches James flip the overhead light on as he goes over to the door and open it. Logan can’t see who’s on the other side, but soon the unasked question is answered when James closes the door and steps back into full view with a pizza.

James looks at Logan and motions with the pizza to the kitchen, but Logan shakes his head at the offer, knowing any food currently ingested will be returning within minutes.

It was a dream. Again. He failed James. Again.

~1 year earlier~

Logan never woke. He fell asleep shortly after James came in and slept without being disturbed once.

He rose the next morning and started making James’ favorite breakfast as an apology for yelling at him the previous night.

Logan was in the middle of slicing some strawberries to go with the oatmeal warming on the stove when he heard loud music coming from his and James’ bedroom.

Turning the heat down on the oatmeal, Logan made his way to the back of the apartment to remind James that the other occupants were, hopefully, still sleeping.

As he swung the door open, he saw James banging on the radio, acting as if it was broken. He briefly entertained the thought that the radio had broken at the top of its volume, but James continued to hit the device even after Logan yanked the cord from the wall socket. “James.”

No response.

“James.”

Still nothing.

A hand placed on James’ shoulder had the other boy jumping and spinning around to face Logan, radio in his grasp. “Logan! The radio’s-”

Logan couldn’t figure out what tipped James off to the change; was it Logan’s facial expression or was it the absence of James’ own voice?

The radio slipped from James’ hand, falling to the floor with a resounding crash. Logan winced at the sound, gaze never wavering from James’ face.

Logan struggled to push the mounting panic back down, but it became nearly impossible when James’ fear-filled voice reached his ears. “Why didn’t I hear that? Logan, why can’t I hear myself speak? Logan, what’s wrong with me?”

James stands in the kitchen observing Logan.

It only takes one look to guess what Logan’s thinking about and James feels the guilt rise up in him too. He abandons the pizza on the kitchen counter and walks back into the living room as Logan moves to a seated position on the couch.

James drops down and throws an arm over Logan’s shoulder, curling the smaller male into his side. He uses his free hand to fish his phone out of his pants’ pocket and sends out a quick text.

He watches Logan squirm as his cell vibrates in his pants. He throws James a questioning glance but when James simply shrugs, Logan rescues the phone that’s currently doing a tap dance against his leg.

James continues to watch as Logan slides open the text app, reading what James sent. It wasn’t your fault. Wanna watch Amelie?

James feels Logan nod against his shoulder and he reaches for the remote on the table in front of them. The DVD is still in the player from the last viewing, as it is James’ favorite foreign film, and within seconds, James and Logan are watching Amelie go from an unfertilized egg to a little girl who is excited by her standoffish father’s physical affections when he performs her monthly check-ups.

James is laughing at six year old Amelie’s revenge on her neighbor for making her think her innocent picture-taking of clouds caused some horrific transportation accidents that day when he senses that Logan’s eyes are on him.

He shifts his gaze and sure enough, Logan’s staring up at him from where his head is resting on James’ shoulder. For a split-second, James fears he’s laughing too loud again, but a grin slides across Logan’s face and James forgets to care if he’s being too noisy.

That life-changing morning, James was happy that the buzzing in his head was gone.

He reached over to the radio and flicked the on switch, waiting to hear which Top 40 hit would start his day. When nothing happened, James climbed out of bed and turned the volume up thinking Logan must have lowered it the night before due to his headache.

As still no sounds were forthcoming from the device, James inspected it and it appeared to be in working order- just not producing any music.

Kinda like Gustavo, James thought.

Frustrated the stupid thing wasn’t acting like he wanted, James hit the top of it with the heel of his hand. Repeatedly.

After about the fourth strike, James felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped. He hadn’t heard anyone enter the room. He whirled around, insolent electronic in his hand, to find Logan looking annoyed. “Logan! The radio’s-”

Two things happened at once: Logan’s face went from irritated to controlled panic and James realized why he hadn’t heard Logan come into their bedroom.

Because James couldn’t hear anything.

The useless radio fell to the floor, splintering into several pieces, and judging Logan’s flinch, made quite a racket.

James didn’t bother to disguise his terror as he asked Logan a series of rapid-fire questions. “Why didn’t I hear that? Logan, why can’t I hear myself speak? Logan, what’s wrong with me?”

James fell back onto his bed in a nearly comatose state. His voice was his life, his livelihood. How would he be able to be a great pop star if he can’t hear himself sing to know that he’s hitting the correct notes or even on cue?

Yesterday’s t-shirt hit James in the face.

He opened his eyes to find Logan flinging more clothing at him as Logan’s lips moved. “Logan, I can’t hear you.”

The five simple words stopped the other boy in his tracks.

James watched as Logan grabbed his cell and tapped out a text.

James was thankful his own cell was already set to vibrate, thanks to Gustavo’s ten minute rant on how cell phone ring tones have no place in a Big Time Rush song, and opened his the moment it jiggled.

It read: I know; I’m sorry. Get dressed. We’re going to the doctor.

After that, everything blurred together.

James had several audiometry tests done, as well as an MRI, which made James feel like he was going to die from claustrophobia.

Sitting in the audiologist’s office was scary.

The images of James’ brain were on the light board behind the doctor. The wannabe doctor at his side suddenly grabbed some paper and a pen from the desk in front of them.

James feared what was coming next, but it was nothing like he ever imagined.

One of the things Logan has yet to tell James is that he loves Amelie just as much as James does. It’s a quirky film with a heart of gold.

It’s also the only foreign film Logan has let James persuade him to view more than once. Pan’s Labyrinth was dark and creepy; Run, Lola, Run was interesting, but way too German; and The Diving Bell and The Butterfly was too damn depressing as it hit too close to home.

After watching Amelie, the fourth foreign film in a row, Logan had asked why James was taking such an active interest in movies of other countries. Subtitles, was James’ response.

Logan’s heart broke a little with his answer and he calmly explained to James via text, that most American movies came with closed captioning so that he didn’t have to stop watching his favorites.

James grinned brightly, cracking Logan’s heart further, and insisted they keep Amelie.

It’s become their “feel better” movie.

Logan saw James collapse onto his bed.

He knew he had limited time and started throwing the dirty clothes from the floor at James while shouting at him to hurry up and get dressed.

A few words made time stop for Logan. “Logan, I can’t hear you.”

He ignored the guilt that threatened to consume him and texted the boy sitting up now, not even two feet away. I know; I’m sorry. Get dressed. We’re going to the doctor.

James did as he asked, and Logan managed to get them to St. Mario’s in one piece after scribbling a quick note for Kendall and Carlos.

A quick exam after a two-hour wait in the emergency room, had them headed upstairs for further testing and a meeting with the hospital’s audiologist, Dr. Jensen, for the results.

Logan studied the images of James’ MRI as they hung behind the doctor and reached out for the paper and a pen located at the end of the doctor’s desk, kept there for the express purpose of communicating with the newly deaf.

Did you bang your head last night? he wrote and held up for James to read.

Logan’s eyes never left James’ face as he slowly nodded.

Is that what that crash was? Carlos tackling you and you hitting your head?

Another slow nod.

Why didn’t you say something?

A shrug.

Why didn’t they say something?

“Because I told them not to.”

James’ voice was slightly louder than the situation called for, but Logan was grateful to keep James speaking, even if he didn’t like what the injured boy was saying.

Logan guessed that it would be the last time for the foreseeable future.

He wasn’t wrong.

James likes how Amelie stands up for the grocer’s delivery boy by tricking the awful boss into thinking he’s gone crazy. It reminds him of how Big Time Rush used to come up with insane plans to make things work, but none of that happens anymore.

Big Time Rush is dead.

Kendall’s the one with James’ dream of a solo career, the fame and fortune, and Carlos close by him as Gustavo’s new intern, again.

It doesn’t hurt to think about as much as it once did.

Logan slid off the doctor track for a semester when James’ treatment didn’t result in the immediate return of James’ hearing as they had fervently hoped. But he’s back now, taking classes slowly as he takes care of James.

James is doing well in his own right.

He may not be singing anymore, but he has finally become the face of Cuda thanks to Marcos Del Posey.

James is not unhappy.

He’s just not as happy as he could be. There’s a huge hole in his life where his other two best friends used to be.

And it’s not entirely his fault that they’re gone.

“Because I told them not to.”

James saw Logan’s hand tighten around the pen when James spoke, but the hand relaxed soon enough as Logan turned back to Dr. Jensen and appeared to be asking questions.

Since James couldn’t hear what was being said and hadn’t learned to read lips, he settled on studying Logan’s face for a clue to his prognosis.

If James had to guess, and really that was all he could do, it looked like whatever Logan was being told made him tentatively hopeful.

Five minutes and a mountain of paperwork later, the boys were in the car, returning home.

James leafed through some of the studies as Logan drove; the words alone made his head ache. He needed Logan to translate the gibberish in front of him.

However, one thing caught James’ eye and he understood it- the lines about recovery. Apparently, people could recover their hearing within the first three days without a doctor’s help and others could take up to two weeks with some treatment.

James chose to ignore the line about how some people have their hearing loss worsen. He already couldn’t hear anything; how could it get worse?

Maybe his sudden deafness couldn’t get any worse, but the surrounding situation blew up the moment Logan opened 2J’s door.

James may not have been able to hear the yelling, but Logan’s face was bright red with anger as he confronted Kendall and Carlos who were waiting on the other side of the door.

James watched Carlos’ face crumple as Logan flailed at him while assaulting him with words, pointing back at James every now and then.

Kendall jumped in after about a minute of Logan’s tirade and started yelling back, based off of his red face.

That’s when James decided he’d seen enough and pushed his way through the arguing boys and made his way back to his bed.

He didn’t come back out for anything other than the bathroom until his next appointment with the audiologist, three days later.

Logan feels himself being nudged awake. As his eyes focus on the screen, he sees Amelie and Nino’s first kiss and knows the movie is pretty much over.

The last thing he remembers is Nino leaving the café as Amelie watches him go, afraid to admit that she was the one to invite him.

This means he hasn’t been asleep for very long, but the dream from earlier denied whatever rest he could have gotten at that time.

He looks over at James, who is holding a slice of pizza out to him. Logan’s stomach grumbles in appreciation.

As Logan takes the food from James, he wonders when James started taking care of him instead of the other way around.

Logan’s anger grew as he drove the car back to the Palmwoods.

He was angry with everybody. Himself for not checking on the noise that came from the living room the night before, James for convincing the others to keep quiet about what had actually happened, but mostly at Kendall and Carlos for doing as James asked.

His anger was near boiling when he and James reached the apartment’s door and opening it to find the other two culprits just on the other side, waiting to see the results of the hospital visit, caused him to erupt.

“Great job, Carlos! You managed to break something we can’t replace or fix quickly- James! That’s right, you broke James! He hit his head last night and now he can’t hear anything! Just because you have a helmet doesn’t mean you can go around tackling other people!”

Carlos looked over at James. “He can’t hear? At all? He said he was fine!” The implications of everything started to sink in. “Oh no.”

“Yeah, oh no! I can’t believe you let him talk you into not telling me! He-”

“Back off, Logan. He didn’t know.”

Logan swung towards Kendall. “As the fucking leader of this group, you should know better! How many times have we seen head injuries on the ice? And we were wearing helmets!”

Kendall turned a violent shade of red as he argued with Logan. “James said he was fine! I wanted to tell you but he asked us to keep quiet because he didn’t want to ruin movie night for you! What more-”

Logan and Kendall stopped yelling as James pushed through them and headed the bedrooms. A door slam was heard shortly thereafter.

“If he doesn’t get his hearing back, I’m not speaking to either of you ever again.” Logan stalked after James, finding him in their bedroom, face down on his bed. A closer examination proved that James was asleep, or pretending very well to be asleep.

“I’m sorry I’m so angry,” he whispered even though the other boy couldn’t hear his voice regardless of the volume Logan used. “But I’m angry at you too. One careless mistake and you may have crushed your whole chance at your dream future. Why would you do that?”

Logan sat down on his own bed and watched over James.

For the next two days, Logan waited on James as the taller boy flatly refused to leave their room for anything other than a quick visit to the bathroom.

On day three, Logan forced James out of bed and into clothes. We have an appointment with Dr. Jensen, he texted the stubborn boy. It seemed that James resisted a little less after that reminder, but it still wasn’t an easy task.

It was a short, awkward trek from their room to the front door, Logan avoiding eye contact with Carlos and Kendall, and James being half-dragged beside him. He could breathe a little easier once the door to 2J shut behind them, praying that the day’s appointment would bring them all back together.

Upon arrival at the hospital, James repeated all the audiometry tests, including the MRI. The only thing that changed was the swelling in James’ brain had diminished, which in itself was good news, but James’ hearing remained gone.

Dr. Jensen then explained a few options for treatment, the most heavily favored being the anti-inflammatory agent therapy, as it would bring down the remaining swelling and hope to restore some of James’ hearing.

If that didn’t work, there were other options, such as use of vasodilators and hyperbaric oxygen, as well as surgery, but nothing had a guarantee of making James whole again.

In the meantime, it was suggested that James learn to read lips and become proficient in American Sign Language (ASL).

Logan promised to go over the options with James and contact Dr. Jensen with their decision.

James sees Logan stand up from the sofa and stretch.

When Logan turns to face James, James automatically focuses on Logan’s mouth. “I’m going to bed,” his lips say.

James nods at Logan and lets his eyes trail after the shorter brunet to ensure that he has left the room before James pulls out his phone.

He had the dream again. I could tell from the look in his eyes and the way he reacted to me. I don’t know if I can keep this from him much longer.

James briefly wonders if the text's recipient is still awake. He gets his answer several minutes later when James' phone vibrates with a response.

What does Dr. Jensen say?

That he’s never seen anything like this. Most people heal quicker, but we both know that I’ve always been a little slow.

Remember how mad Logan was when you didn’t tell him about hitting your head? Do you think he’ll not be angry that you failed to tell him that you’re regaining your hearing?

He’s angry about so many things, but he’s made peace with most of them. He was about there when Gustavo’s solo offer came up. He got angry because that should have been mine and it wasn’t. You and I have talked about this. I don’t want to go over it again because it’s fine.

I still think you should tell him.

Nothing is certain. I don’t want to get his hopes up to watch them crash again. Last time, he changed majors from pre-med to astronomy. Thank God he was taking gen ed classes, but it was enough for him to stop wanting to be a doctor! It took me almost the whole semester to convince him that just because he couldn’t fix me, it didn’t mean he couldn’t help other people.

James doesn’t want to see the previous text repeated so he shoots off another, rapidly, hoping the random text will be enough of a distraction to stop the judgment he can feel coming from the last text. It’s every little thing you do that makes me fall in love with you.

A) I can see what you’re doing. You fool no one, James Diamond. No one. And b) Every little thing I do? That’s so sweet, but I have a boyfriend.

James makes one last ditch at changing topics. How is Carlos?

He misses you and he broke another coffee maker today. I thought Gustavo was going to have his third coronary. I love Carlos, but he is such a bad intern. I know he took the job to be with me, I just don’t know why Gustavo agreed to it.

Because two dogs is better than no dogs. Tell Carlos I’ll see you soon. We have to get together and finish that thing. Another quick text: Is it your smile or your laugh or your heart? Does it really matter why I love you?

Dude, go tell it to Logan. While you’re at it, tell him you’re starting to hear things again!

I hope you’re writing these down. I’d hate to have to reread this conversation to find my flashes of brilliance. Anywhere there’s a crowd, you stand out. Can’t you see why they can’t ignore you? I’ll let you know when I can stop by. Goodnight, Kendall.

James jumps up from the couch, snapping his phone shut and placing it on the coffee table. He quickly shuts down the TV and DVD player, and hits the light switch on his way to the bedroom.

Standing in the doorway, looking at a sleeping Logan, James is smacked with flashbacks from that night. The night that didn’t have to be, but it brought him here and for that, James is appreciative.

He climbs into the bed across from Logan’s, setting the vibrating alarm wristwatch for eight am so he can be ready for his mid-morning photo shoot and falls asleep with Kendall’s voice in his brain, shouting that Logan needs to be updated on his condition.

Except, he’s not asleep for long because Kendall continues shouting at him in his dreams.

As he lies awake, James thinks back to the treatment options “discussion” and barely remembers any of it apart from refusing to learn ASL thinking it was too much work, only to have Logan make note cards and have James practicing speech reading for hours on end.

James stared at Logan’s lips, watching them form the word on the card Logan held.

He reined in his urge to roll his eyes; he had to stay focused. But really- why would he need to know what the word ‘cat’ looks like? They don’t own one and Gustavo’s cat had long since passed.

Logan flipped to another card and, unlike his eye roll, James couldn’t hold back his yawn. He grabbed his phone and sent a text to the slave driver in front of him. We’ve been at this for two hours. Can I go to bed now? We have to meet with Gustavo in the morning.

Thankfully, Logan agreed.

--

The next morning, they made their way to Rocque Records.

It had been nearly a month since James last heard anything and Logan was beginning to acknowledge Kendall and Carlos’ existence again, even if he still refused to speak to them.

The ride was awkwardly silent, and not due to the fact that James couldn’t hear. He kept his eyes on the duo in the backseat as Logan drove. Kendall and Carlos each looked at the scenery passing by, as if they were memorizing it. Before James could turn and do the same, he noticed that their hands were clasped on the seat between them.

The thought of his best friends being together made him smile.

James glanced out the window in time to see that Logan was pulling into Rocque Record’s parking lot.

Standing in front of Gustavo was no less intimidating for Logan then than it was five years previous.

Taking a deep breath, Logan stepped forward and said, “Gustavo, your dying band of dogs is officially dead.” Just saying those words physically hurt Logan. Not so much for his sake, but because it felt like he was giving up on James’ dream. Like he was saying James was never going to be whole again.

Logan expected to have some argument from the members standing behind him, but not a peep was heard. They understood that there is no Big Time Rush without James.

Surprisingly, there was also no argument from the large man in front of him either. His next words, however, stunned Logan. “Well now that that’s done, are you ready to be a solo artist, Kendall?”

Logan swung around in time to see Kendall’s eyes land on James before he responded, “I guess so,” while shrugging.

Anger went coursing through Logan’s veins. How dare Kendall take James’ dream? He launched himself at Kendall, only to find himself being held back by James, who was shaking his head.

He let James lead him to the door and turned back to the three people standing in the room. “I will never forgive any of you!”

Logan started scouring the online classifieds for a new place to live as soon as he and James returned to 2J. He wasted no time. He found what looked like a promising ad for a one bedroom apartment about five miles away, drove to the building, had a tour, filled out an application, put down a deposit, signed the rental agreement and got the key, all within hours of telling himself he couldn’t live with Kendall anymore.

As he arrived back at The Palmwoods, he began to worry about James. What would James do now that he didn’t have anything? How could he leave James knowing that it would kill him to watch Kendall live his dream?

It turned out he didn’t have to worry too much.

When he cautiously opened the apartment door, Logan found several boxes stacked beside it. A quick glimpse showed them to be marked as his boxes- in James’ handwriting.

Holy crap. Is James kicking me out before I can tell him good-bye? Logan’s heart plummeted to the floor. He had abandoned his med school plan in favor of taking care of James and now James didn’t want anything to do with him.

Deciding it was best to go unseen, Logan started to push a stack of boxes into the hallway. Midway into moving the second stack, James appeared with more boxes. Those, Logan noted, had James’ name on them.

Logan looked at James in confusion until the pretty boy handed him a note from the top of the box he was still holding. I hope there’s room for me, because I’m still coming with you even if there’s not.

Logan threw his arms around James, grateful that he wouldn’t be alone and that he’d still be able to keep an eye on James’ progress.

The two made quick work of packing up the rest of their belongings. Logan managed to get Buddha Bob to agree to loan them his van so that they only made one trip with all the boxes.

Unfortunately, most of their furniture belonged to The Palmwoods, so he and James would need to start shopping tomorrow for at least some beds and a couch. The rest could be bought at a slower pace.

Logan wakes remembering their shopping trip and how James insisted on testing out every bed before committing to one.

It makes him smile as he climbs out of bed and gets ready for the day, occasionally glancing at the beautiful boy in the room as he does. One last look at a sleeping James, and Logan heads to the kitchen to start breakfast before he heads to class at the local community college.

He’s reaching for a pan in the cabinet when he loses his grip on it and it clatters to the floor rather loudly. The sound startles him and he shrieks a tiny bit.

He shrieks even louder when James comes barreling around the corner, dressed in only his underwear, brandishing a hockey stick.

The two eye each other as their chests heave from adrenaline.

“You heard that.” Logan doesn’t bother phrasing it in a question because why else would James appear as he had. “You heard that, which means you can hear. How long, James? How long have you been able to hear and how long was it going to be before you told me?”

James goes to grab his phone when Logan’s voice stops him. “No. If you can hear me, you can hear yourself. Use your voice.”

Logan jumps a little when James clears his throat. “Long enough to know that the electronics are on mute. Why is that, Logan?”

Logan can feel his temper flare at the deflection. “Not that I owe you an explanation, but I figured if you couldn’t hear the sound, why should I? Except it turns out, you can! How long?”

“A couple of weeks,” Logan watches James shrug like it’s no big deal.

“A couple of weeks,” Logan echoes. He stares hard at James, grabs his backpack and flees the apartment, unsure of what he might do, or say, if he stays.

Within minutes, Logan finds himself standing outside a familiar apartment door, knocking.

When the door opens, he says, “James can hear again.”

As soon as Logan leaves, James panics.

The last time he saw Logan look the way he just did, this apartment was rented in the space of two hours. He doesn’t want Logan to leave him. The thought of living without the brown-eyed brunet terrifies him.

All James wants is time to explain to Logan why he was reluctant to mention his reverse in condition and to tell the other boy what he means to him.

The phone dancing across the coffee table as it vibrates, catches James’ attention.

James snatches up the phone, and nearly rips it apart trying to get it open. His eyes scan the incoming text, hoping it’s from Logan.

It’s not. It does concern him, however.

He’s here. Right now he’s speaking with Carlos. You might wanna finish up your song.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but could you try to convince him that I was only looking out for him?

No fucking way. Sorry, man. Logan is already pissed at me for taking “your” job, I don’t need to give him another reason by telling him I knew about your hearing returning before he did.

Could you at least keep an eye on him? I don’t want him to disappear on me.

I’ll try. No promises though.

James’ wrist starts to vibrate and he looks at the time. He has to start getting ready for his photo shoot. Going after Logan now will only push him further away.

Thanks, Kendall. See you soon.

James finishes up the six-hour shoot, grateful that it centered on his feet and not his face, because he couldn’t smile today if his life depended on it.

He rushes back to their apartment and pulls up short in front of the door.

His brain gives him two scenarios: the first has Logan inside waiting for James’ return so they can celebrate that James is able to hear again, and the other has all of Logan’s things gone, because he doesn’t want to be around James anymore.

James takes a deep breath as he turns the key and when the door swings open, James finds that the apartment still holds Logan’s things, but their owner is not inside.

James closes the door behind him and goes to sit on the couch.

He angles himself so he can clearly see the doorway, should Logan walk through it, and gets to work on his song. About halfway through, James misses Logan so badly, he calls the shorter boy.

No one is more surprised than James when Logan accepts the call.

James doesn’t give Logan time to say anything; he spits out his excuse hastily. “I know I should have told you that the hyperbaric treatments were working, but it usually doesn’t work this far into sudden hearing loss according to Dr. Jensen and I was afraid to tell you in case it stopped working.”

James pauses to let Logan speak. No sounds are forthcoming.

A quick peek at the phone shows that the call is still connected. James can only hope that he and Logan are still connected too as he speaks again. “None of this was your fault, but you took everything so personally. Watching you fall apart when I didn’t heal right away- it killed me, Logan. I couldn’t do that to us again.”

More silence pours from the phone.

James says the last thing he needs Logan to hear. “Please don’t leave me. I love you.”

The click in James’ ear proves how well his hearing has returned. He closes his eyes and wills all of the emotions springing forth to go back.

When most don’t listen, James finishes his song, praying that Logan will listen to him sing it, before he disappears completely from James’ life.

Logan wakes up and rolls over to look at James.

Only this is not his bed, he’s not in his apartment, and James- well, Logan doesn’t want to think about James.

Logan gets out of bed and wanders down the hall toward the living room. The orange sofa nearly blinds him as he had forgotten how bright it really is.

When Logan gets his vision back, he spots Kendall and Carlos kissing over breakfast in the kitchen. And because he can screw with Kendall again, Logan clears his throat just to see how red Kendall can turn from embarrassment.

Sadly, Kendall doesn’t color and simply pulls away from Carlos to say, “Nice try, but I got over that real quick with this one here.”

Logan merely walks over to the table and sits down, head in his hands. “What am I going to do?” he wails to no one in particular.

"What did he say?"

Logan lifts his head to look at Carlos. “He explained that the treatments have been working; he didn’t want to tell me in case they stopped working; he asked me not to leave him; and oh yeah, that he loves me.”

Logan hears Kendall snort. “You say that as if you don’t believe him.”

Logan shifts his gaze to the blond. “He lied to me! Again! Of course I don’t believe him! He’s saying it so I’ll stop being angry, not because he means it.”

“What if he does mean it? What if he thought that was his last chance to tell you how he feels before you walk out of his life?”

Logan shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“You’re only upset because you love him too.”

Logan glares at Carlos. “I said, I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he grits out. He can’t stand being double-teamed any longer; he’s out of practice. Logan rises from the chair and heads back to his old room.

As he closes the door, he hears Kendall yell, “Be ready in half an hour! We’re going to Rocque Records! Gustavo wants to see you!”

We’re bringing him to Rocque Records. Your ass better be there when we get there, or so help me James, I’ll kill you myself.

James scrambles to get ready after receiving Kendall’s threat. He’s out the door within twenty minutes and spends the next ten trying not to scream at the cab’s driver when they get stuck in traffic.

He manages to rationalize that if he’s trapped in gridlock, so are they.

He dives out of the taxi as it barely rolls to a stop and runs through Rocque Records like a mad man set ablaze, only to stop in front of Gustavo. “Is he here yet?!”

“Not yet, dog. Go get in the sound booth. Now.”

James smiles as he follows Gustavo’s commands. When he’s settled, he leans towards the mic and asks, “What now?”

The producer looks at James in disbelief. “Has it really been that long? Now you sing. I record it, we sell it.”

James gapes at Gustavo for a few seconds. “But I don’t have a contract. Or a backing track.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll take care of that after. I can hear the other dogs coming. Sing!”

James digs out his song lyrics from his pocket, flattens them on the stand in front of him and begins to sing a cappella.

Hello
Let me know if you hear me
Hello
If you want to be near
Let me know
And I’ll never let you go

Hey, love
When you ask what I feel, I say love
When you ask how I know, I say trust
And if that’s not enough

James raises his eyes from his words to the genius brunet boy standing open mouthed on the other side of the glass.

It’s every little thing you do
That makes me fall in love with you
There isn’t a way that I can show,
Ever since I’ve come to know you

It’s every little thing you say
That makes me wanna feel this way
There’s not a thing that I can point to
‘Cause it’s every little thing that you do.

James smiles when Carlos and Kendall each put an arm around Logan. He looks like he might be having a little trouble standing.

Is it your smile or your laugh or your heart?
Does it really matter why I love you?
Anywhere there’s a crowd, you stand out
Can’t you see why they can’t ignore you?

If you wanna know why I can’t let go
Let me explain to you
That every little dream comes true
With every little thing you do.

James opens his mouth to start the chorus when he gets tackled, carefully.

He feels the hand slide under his head right before they hit the ground. He stares up into the luminous brown eyes he loves and hears Logan whisper, “We don’t need you to go deaf again.”

James is about to make a poorly timed joke about deafness when Logan’s lips are pressing against his own, cutting off any words James might have said.

“Dogs!”

Logan and James both startle at Gustavo’s exclamation. Thankfully, they are far enough apart to avoid any head-banging collisions when they jump. Logan stands and helps James up. He leans into James and smiles up at him when the taller boy wraps an arm around his shoulders. “We’re still going to talk about why keeping me out of the loop is a bad thing, James.”

James nods and rests his chin on the top of Logan’s head.

They both look at the producer, who grins wildly and says, “How would you two like to make James’ song a duet?”