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There is something that disturbs her in her lover's eyes. Mikasa does not know exactly what causes that sinister chill that goes down her spine every time she exchanges a fleeting look with those emeralds that shine when he sees her; she is also not sure she wants to find out either.
The days pass without pain or glory in the cabin. Mornings are pleasant, without any hurry. Routine is now part of her life, and she has gotten used to it faster than she thought.
That scares her.
It is the oppression that nests in her chest that does not allow her to feel at ease in this idyllic place. She lives day by day with the constant feeling of not being in the right place, even if she reminds herself a thousand times to the mirror that wherever Eren is, that's where she belongs. But even her own reflection repels her. The bile burns her insides when she looks into his eyes and a treacherous anguish curs in her stomach like a viper and makes its way inside, hissing in her ear, whispering to her.
She runs her pale hands through her midnight hair, it has grown since... how much time has passed? She doesn't know the answer, and also prefers to ignore it. Her gray eyes hesitate as she faces herself, and something trembles in her guts.
Mikasa has dreamed of living this way since she was an orphan girl who could only call her own her illusions of peace. In those days, she comforted herself before sleeping in scenes like the ones she now lives to move forward without falling victim to madness. Without titans, without a hostile world that suffocated her in her spiral of hatred.
Made for violence, Mikasa's heart hated to recognize itself as a weapon, and found comfort in an uncertain future, where there would be no more fighting.
Now? Now she feels out of place. Now before sleeping she only sees darkness, and beyond the feeling of permanent emptiness in her stomach, her mind only reminds her how lucky she must, has to feel for being here.
It's everything you always wanted , she reproaches herself. She closes her eyes, trying to reach silence, without success.
Mikasa wants to run far away, demand her feet until they can’t get enough and run away.
But there is something that disturbs her in the eyes of her lover, who looks at her now through the mirror, gaze fixed, as if he were able to read her thought, and accuse her of something that even she doesn’t know; although perhaps it is just her paranoia.
Something shines in those precious gems, Mikasa wants to think it's love.
A stealthy hand runs shamelessly through her waist, she lets out her breath at the touch. A kiss that seeks something more falls on her neck and she throws her head back, letting it rest on Eren's left shoulder to give his lips freedom to explore the area. Something throbs in her chest, a butterfly that flutters throughout her chest cavity and makes her feel alive.
Moments like this make her stay.
Even hell would taste like paradise if Eren accompanied her in eternal torture.
This is where I should be , the hand on her waist walks through her torso and lets itself rest, without haste, on her hip. Mikasa melts at the tenderness with which Eren touches her, as if his whole world came down to her. He pampers her as if she were going to vanish out of nowhere, as if he had done something wrong that she’s not aware of. Mikasa repeats to herself that it's just her paranoia talking, that this is where I should be , but something agitates her when she turns her gaze to her lover's eyes: a flash of guilt suddenly crosses those jade orbs and makes her shudder. Her heart shrinks in her chest and threatens to burst, perhaps from fear of doubt, perhaps from love.
"Did you hear me, Mikasa?" the boy's voice abruptly returns her to reality. She frowns, confused. “I want you to come with me to the lake today, to fish, what do you think?”
Her stormy eyes soften it’s gaze. His mere presence makes her tremble, twists her insides and Mikasa doesn't know what to do about it because she doesn't even have a reason for so much concern. Eren goes out of his way in attention to her, he brings her wild flowers every day, and she just nods, taciturn, pleased to be, finally, the object of his love, the center of his little world. Beyond that, even being reciprocal feels off.
Something is wrong. Something doesn't fit in this place. But she would a thousand times choose ignorance if she brings with her the taste of her lips and knowing that she is loved by him. She nods slightly again and takes his hand, a tender caress that makes her close her eyes and kiss him once more. The warmth of the closeness suddenly disappears and she twists the lips in a slight grimace disgust, eager for contact.
"Walking then, we must return before dusk," she hears him say in the distance, already outside the room they share.
She re-analyzes her reflection in search of answers, but only finds more unease. Takes a deep breath to calm her heartbeat, and comes out at the end of the room. Eren is waiting outside, patient and entirely dedicated to her existence as it has been all these months.
How much time has passed?
A sting in her head makes her close her eyes to avoid losing her composure. Eren's grip on her shoulders is present, letting her know that he will not let her fall. So she smiles at him, gives him a gentle kiss on the corner of his lips and he offers his hand, ready to guide the road to the lake.
And Mikasa follows him.
Mikasa would follow him to the end of the world.
—o—
The midday wind sways the leaves of the trees in a parsimonious waltz. The lake is not far from the cabin, just a few kilometers away, and it doesn't take long for them to arrive and settle in the place. Mikasa puts a blanket on the ground and sits on it to wait for him. Her badge scarf does not accompany her this afternoon, the heat that surrounds them in this particular summer that becomes eternal is too much.
Eren is already desperate. She notices it on his back, tense and stiff like the grip that his own arm exerts on the fishing rod. His right leg shakes, betraying his anxiety.
From her position, she admires his centered face and laughs at his childish expression. Eren is a little boy in all his splendor, who never completely mastered the subtle art of staying calm in everyday tasks. His body and hyperactive character required him to be in constant motion, and sitting for hours waiting for a fish to deign to bite his improvised bait is not an activity he would choose if he had a choice. Those things used to be more of Armin's.
Mikasa looks away at the thought. He still does not completely forgive himself to have left him to his fate.
She did it for love, she said at her sleepless nights, an excuse that so far has managed to convince her not to shed tears when thinking about the blond. On the scale, her soul would always lean towards Eren, and that was something Armin always kept in mind. As a consolation prize, she wanted to believe at least their escape had not taken him by surprise. There were not many more people to worry about, after all, her circle of trust had been reduced to him and Eren with the relentless passage of time. The Alliance would be fine without them.
Mikasa would like to feel more guilty, and sometimes finds that apathy has devoured part of her being, she is no longer moved to feel bad for the rest of the world. In another time, she would be frightened by her stoicism, not anymore.
She had denied all that for love, her selfish love, but also her love that has healed her wounds. There was no need to dedicate herself to suffering other people's regrets when her own storms had already left her in a bad position. It was her turn to allow herself to live a little calmly, at least until Eren died in-
How much time has passed?
Mikasa doesn't know. Time doesn't seem to pass in this strange place. They must have been located south of Marley and supposes that the passage of the seasons is more subtle in these areas, although months must have passed and beyond the odd storm, there are no signs of an upcoming autumn and much less a winter. It's curious to say the least, but she prefers not to pay attention to him.
In the distance she hears Eren's chants of victory, calling her. She sees him in the distance waving his arms, with three tilapias in one of them. His enthusiasm is contagious and makes her laugh. Eren celebrates his triumph as if he had achieved a feat, his ability to turn such trifle into something so special moves her, and it is the sweetest smile that her lips dedicate to him.
Mikasa is happy in this bubble, where there is nothing more to worry about.
By the time she finishes picking up the things from the floor, Eren has already reached her and kisses her cheek with impetus, and looks at her enchanted, as if she were made of Moon and stars.
Mikasa is happy, among the chaos of the world, with small and fragile things like these warm gestures that relieve the coldness of her broken soul.
And as he walks hand in hand with Eren back to the cabin, and he proudly narrates the gallant story of his battle and how he defeated the skilled fish; there is not much left of that morning restlessness.
—o—
Love is an abstract concept, or at least that's how she saw it all her life. Next to Eren, it's a simple thing that she finds in every corner.
Cooking with him is always a different odyssey, she enjoys it despite everything. Even if the closeness is sometimes overwhelming, and the world wants to come over her when she realizes that, one day, this type of situation will no longer make sense; Mikasa knows that the here and now is priceless.
Love is Eren's clear laugh, his comments about how her food is no longer burned, and his usual thanks when he finishes eating. Mikasa just smiles tenderly at him.
He’s the same Eren she once met, intrepid and brave, with a kind and pure heart that beats hard in his chest. The shadows no longer afflict his face, he no longer dresses to match his melancholy. He is the one she fell in love with, the one who is not moved by hatred. Mikasa unconditionally loves each of his versions, but she would be lying if he denied that she missed old Eren, the one who had become her eternal refuge.
Her eyes travel to his figure lying on the couch and looks at him as if it were the last time she did it. His hair, unlike hers, remains short at her request and he has gained weight. Mikasa wants to believe that Eren is also happy by her side, that he does not regret having been selfish with her. Watching his calm breathing while he rests gives her a peace that goes beyond words, and when by chance she opens her eyes and looks back at him, her heart skips a beat.
The corners of her lips rise without being able to avoid it when he hugs her from behind suddenly, as usual. Eren's arms cling to his silhouette and he gently swings with him to the sides in a small complicit dance. She feels him resting his cheek on the back of his head and sighing, she knows he is waiting for her. When she finished giving shine to the plate she was holding, she turns around and with a small jump she sits on the counter, staying at the same height as the boy.
Mikasa's arms wrap around his neck without much preamble and before giving her a break, his lips catch others in a frenzy. She moans against his mouth when Eren, desperate for closeness, takes her by the waist firmly and attracts her towards him, sticking her even more to his body. She feels that he goes, calm, tracing with his lips a constellation of wet kisses around his neck and, taking advantage of the absence of her scarf, brings the step to her collarbones. Her body twists under his touch in a reflex when his hand suddenly catches one of her breasts and pinches sweetly, slowly, one of her nipples.
By inertia her legs open and wrap around her lover's hips, the space is shortened and the erection tempts indiscreetly to her anxious sex in a constant friction that makes her release a curse in his ear.
Eren is enjoying watching her go crazy from the friction, she knows it, and rejoices in his excitement. The scene has been repeated enough times for her to know that he is waiting for her, eager to hear her choppy voice begging him to make love to her.
"Take me to bed," she murmurs, her non-existent pride left aside.
Eren's arms run all over her thighs under her skirt and bites her lower lip before giving her a short kiss and lifting her in weight to carry her in his arms to the bed.
The room immersed in darkness welcomes them coldly. Eren's hurried footsteps echo against the crispy wooden floor before letting her fall carefully on the bed. The darkness that floods the room is not enough to prevent him from seeing it through the darkness and when her gray eyes get used to the scarce lighting that the Moon gives them sneaking into the window, her lips curl at the expectation of seeing his naked torso.
Her breathing stops for a second when in the longing process of waiting for his weight on her, she feels his warm breath near her thighs and kisses increasingly eager for her, until her hands seek to hold on to something when she finally gets rid of her underwear without haste and Eren's mouth anxiously devours her femininity as if it were the last night he could taste it. Her back arches without being able to avoid it when he, without ceasing to pay attention to her clit, inserts a finger into her sex. Those arms that attach to her hips lead one of her feet above his back, and before the sudden increase in the speed of the lunges it is almost impossible for her to suppress her increasingly loud moans with the palm of her hand.
She’s aware that Eren's eyes do not ignore the majestic spectacle that her arousal offers him, his sight has taken off from her just to focus on her task and caress with his free hand the width and length of her legs and abdomen. Mikasa feels the pressure of her belly enhance when she realizes another hesitant finger that slides without much effort also into her moisture. Her hips, ecstatic, move up and down by pure inertia and her left hand now rests on Eren's head, and although she tries not to aggressively entangle it in his hair, it is complicated when he continues not to satiate his appetite. Nevertheless, she controls herself with the last scraps of sanity that remain, and plays delicately with one of his locks for brief moments. Eren's hand takes hers and caresses it, impregnated with tenderness.
In the world there are only Eren and her when her libido explodes and her body trembles before the wave of pleasure coming from her intimacy, the moans that she tried so hard to silence escape from her lips for the absolute delight of her lover, pleased in the same way for his success.
The air barely reaches her lungs before the intensity of her recent orgasm, and Mikasa laughs next to him. The mattress sinks next to her and the same mouth that led her to glory seconds ago, back and forth, now kisses her bare shoulder and then her lips. Mikasa wipes the sweat from his forehead with her bare hands and Eren closes his eyes, letting himself be pampered.
There is no need for words. The immensity of their love speaks for itself.
Love is their feet entangled with each other under messy covers, and Eren kissing her again to the point of boredom. Or maybe it's him getting up to bring her water and joking about how long the night is before he offers to continue until they both surrender.
Love is many things, maybe it's Eren himself.
And now, she only finds pure devotion in her lover's eyes.