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“His skin feels like fish!” Ryuuko leaned over Fuchi, hand drawn back as if she had touched something unpleasant.
“He got too cold. Out of the way, Ryuuko.” Tobi waved Ryuuko off, replacing her presence with a thick blanket he bundled around Fuchi. “Too cold”, that was all Ryuuko needed to know about what happened tonight. She seemed to accept the undetailed answer well enough. He hoped that lasted.
She wasn’t wrong though. Fuchi, lying so curled he almost burrowed into the pillow, was clammy enough that even Tobi’s previously soaked skin could feel it. Tobi had few illusions that Fuchi wasn’t going to be sick, a plunge into the cold ocean would do that to most people, but new thoughts started to surface. What if he inhaled too much water and neither of them noticed? When did you take someone to the hospital for hypothermia? Would it hurt Fuchi if he added too many blankets, there was something about cold victims getting too warm, wasn’t there?
“He looks sick. Is Buchi gonna be ok?” Ryuuko returned to her position, frowning as Fuchi only pulled the blankets higher and went still again.
“Uh…hm…” Tobi opened his mouth, felt the words choke in his throat, and tried again. He didn’t know. He didn’t understand enough to make the call.
“Hmph! After all that running around we did, of course he’ll be fine!” In contrast, Baku apparently had no such misgivings.
Ryuuko smiled then, and rested her head on Fuchi’s side, who barely reacted to the contact. That, at least, didn’t raise Tobi’s hackles. Fuchi didn’t really sleep, he just rested, falling into a sort of unconsciousness Tobi had learned was his normal. He didn’t react to much while like this. That wasn’t worrying.
Ryuuko looked more relaxed now, and Tobi felt like that should have made him lose the tension that winded in his muscles. Instead, he just became very aware of his heartbeat, and the pounding of blood in his ears. It was going so fast, that was bad, if Ryuuko grabbed his hand she might feel it.
“Ryuuko, make sure he stays there. I need to change.” He wasn’t lying. Even drier, his clothes still carried a chill, and that lingering scent of the ocean. It wasn’t urgent, however.
But he wanted to be out of sight. That was it, wasn’t it? It was all he could think of ever since he got Fuchi back here.
So he grabbed Baku, barely registering that Ryuuko had responded with something like “Ok!”, and retreated into the bathroom, new clothes crushed in his grip. His heartbeat felt painful the moment the door closed, as if given permission to run amok. Tobi dropped Baku down and clutched the edge of the sink. It was cold.
“You think Ryuuko believed you?” Baku piped up from his position leaning on the wall, and Tobi managed a shrug. Baku didn’t seem to mind. “well, ‘fell into the ocean’ isn’t that bad, if you think about it. You don’t gotta tell her w-”
Baku continued to talk, but Tobi wasn’t listening. No. He couldn’t. Like a thin film cocooned around him, it was just him with Tobi Otogiri. Tobi Otogiri who needed to see a picture to even realize something was wrong with Fuchi. Tobi Otogiri who needed that thing haunting Fuchi’s shadow to warn him of Fuchi’s decision. Tobi Otogiri who got there late, and now Fuchi was going to be cold and sick in his room.
The mirror looked strange, as if the image within was something new to him. It was him, he was certain on some level, but his eyes refused to see. Baku’s voice changed. He was saying something new now, he was getting louder, but it didn’t help. Even his pounding heartbeat felt less like a natural organ, but a strike into his chest, over and over. Tobi couldn’t understand anything around him, and that was how they got into this mess, wasn’t it? His hands flew to his face, blocking out the incomprehensible world, if only in vision. He stumbled back until his heels hit a wall, the physical contact feeling strangely far.
Baku spoke again. He tried to focus, rolling the words in his head as if some special meaning could be gleaned from them, something he didn’t understand. Baku wouldn’t speak to him like that, though. He was always understandable. He had said “Are you ok?”. He needed an answer.
“I don’t feel good.” He mumbled into his arms, somehow afraid that Ryuuko would hear and then, for the first time in a while, he hugged Baku. They were hunched low together, Tobi nearly on his knees. He buried his head into his fabric like he was a child again, ignoring those who would not understand them, and he felt a horrible comfort from this. Tobi Otogiri was not meant to change.
Baku didn’t talk right away, allowing Tobi to hug him as he shifted and grumbled too quietly to hear. He wasn’t squirming to get out, Tobi wasn’t sure how he would survive that, if it happened. He wanted to talk though, and Tobi loosened the hug, as if he was crushing Baku.
“Tobi. Was it that bad?” Baku almost whispered, Tobi understood why. This, their losses, was something they kept close. It was for them to know and only them. So Tobi knew what Baku was really asking.
Was it that bad? Fuchi didn’t die.
“N-no. It wasn’t. It shouldn’t be.” Tobi spoke the words that should be true, and didn’t believe a single thing that left his lips. Why couldn’t he believe it? Baku wasn’t wrong, Fuchi was alive right outside this door. He still couldn’t believe it, though.
Because it’s not going to last.
That was it. He knew it, in his heart. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t now. Fuchi would die, it didn’t matter if it was today, next week, or next year. He was going to fail, again. He was going to lose someone, again. He needed to survive when it happened, it wasn’t just him and Baku anymore, but he had no idea how. The story of his life, he never had any idea how to do something until it was too late to do anything about it.
“You’re really worried about him,” Baku sighed, and Tobi nodded, “you think he’ll die, when we aren’t around?” Tobi nodded again, and then Baku said something truly baffling, “then why don’t you keep him?”
Tobi’s head shot up, his miserable expression suddenly falling away into a tight frown.
“Baku, I’m not joking-”
“And I’m not joking, either, Tobi!” Baku huffed, leaning his top towards the door, “Ryuuko’s not gonna mind having ‘Buchi’ around, and this’ll stop your wallowing! Sounds like the only fix to me!”
Rubbing his head, Tobi rose. Somehow, his heart had stopped pounding during the conversation. He didn’t feel better, for sure, but the thought of opening the door didn’t make him feel sicker. So he did, peeking out into the room he left Fuchi in. Ryuuko sat in the curve of Fuchi’s side, book open and reading something to Fuchi, who was no doubt not listening. He looked warmer like that, someone by his side. If he let Fuchi go back home, he’d be cold again, and that would be no different from the ocean.
He wasn’t sure his hands, still chilled, would be much help, even if he grasped Fuchi’s with everything he had. For comfort, Tobi Otogiri failed. For holding on, however? He could do that, keeping Fuchi by his side. He already carried Baku, and Baku hadn’t been lost yet, Fuchi would not be an unbearable weight. Behind him, Baku must have sensed his train of thought, leaning forward, grin widening in expectation.
“Hm, Ryuuko will be happy.” he closed the door, the lingering image of Fuchi sleeping in his home remaining as a bright pinprick of a star. It was a nice dream to reminisce about, he supposed, “we’ll do it.”
“I knew you’d see my point! Gonna drop the news now?” Baku grinned, and Tobi shook his head.
“No, he’s resting.”
It wasn’t exactly a peaceful scene, an oblivious dragon girl resting alongside a nearly drowned guest, the supposed joys of the holiday long forgotten. That didn’t take away the gleam of the image, that they were here, and that he had decided to keep them. Tobi didn’t want to ruin it, not tonight.