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When the Survey Corps returned from the operation to reclaim Wall Maria, there were only nine of them left.
One of which was Eren, the Intelligent Titan, the one who could turn into a 15-meter Titan with a small wound that would trigger the transformation. Eren's survival was to be expected. The others, not so much. Apart from Eren, you expected just the usual: Captain Levi, your friends from the 104th Training Corps, Commander Erwin—
Commander Erwin did not survive.
A moment of silence was shared between you and Zackly, who broke the news in private after meeting the remnants of the Survey Corps. You were told that the Commander was temporarily laid to rest somewhere in Shiganshina District until a cleanup crew could be dispatched in the area. As sickening as it was, you stomached the grueling outcomes of the battle and thanked the Walls for sparing your friends of mortal injuries.
Six days after the Survey Corps' return, you and Zackly meet Captain Levi and Hange Zoë, the newly appointed Commander. Zackly deemed it important to send your regards to them, which you had no worries of. If anything, you were elated to do as told.
In a small conference room by Zackly's office, you sit at the head of the table as he sits to your left. The Scouts follow soon afterward, positioning themselves to your right while they help themselves with cups of black tea. Zackly leads the conversation while you listen, deciding it best to keep to yourself rather than to add another voice in their exchange.
Occasionally, you would catch yourself looking at Hange—rather, Commander Hange—for a few seconds too long deemed socially appropriate for the Queen. You have no business looking at the Commander the way you do, as they are nothing more than someone who serves you, but alas, you can't keep lying to yourself.
The heart wants what it wants. At present, your heart wants Commander Hange to have more time to themselves as they recover from the injuries they sustained during the operation. You observe their bruised knuckles, scratched skin, and the fresh bandages that wrap around the left side of their face. When Zackly spoke of Commander Erwin's death and the huge losses of the regiment, he forgot to mention that the Commander's replacement was not in mint condition either. Hange had damaged their eye in an explosion caused by the Colossal Titan's transformation, and even after a few days of healing and regular medical checkups, there seems to be no hope in redeeming their sight.
Zackly asks you a question, to which you respond with a brief answer. You feel the Commander's eyes on you as you speak, innocent eye watching as they listen to your words.
It pleases you to be of importance to the military. Not just anyone can speak with the Commander up close and grab their full attention.
Sipping your tea, a small smile breaks on your lips.
So much for being the Queen.
Your yearning had always been kept at simple glances and courteous greetings with the new Commander, who didn't even know your name until the Scouts discovered your royal lineage. You had developed a liking toward Hange when you shared private conversations about your life in hiding while the Scouts slept soundly in their quarters. In the dead of night, accompanied by a dim candlelight and a warm cup of coffee, you recalled your childhood memories one by one, guided by Hange and their soothing tone.
They called it an interview, but you called it a chat. With Hange, you felt safe. It was a discussion like no other, something that you never had with anyone else, not even Ymir whom you shared plenty of your life stories with.
Hange respected you. They listened to your every word without interruption. Perhaps they only did as such because they ultimately wanted information on the royal family, but you believe otherwise. Hange showed compassion for your tales, and chatting for several nights together brought about a different feeling entirely.
As the 104th's darling, many listened to you in exchange for your attention. It felt sickening at one point. None of it felt genuine. The misery of dealing with that hollowness eventually translated to your attraction toward Hange's appeal. Their ability to listen just because they wanted to made them particularly endearing, so every moment with them soon afterward felt more enjoyable.
To your misfortune, it's a love that could never be. Hange is experienced, occupied, and busy with anything but love. You're of legal age, but Hange is far older. The chances of scoring were low to begin with, and they slimmed down even further when you became Queen.
You shake your head.
No use in crying over it now. Your fate has been determined the moment you wore the crown.
Hange will stay as Commander, and you will stay as Queen.
"You're up."
Upon Zackly's call, you stand up from your throne to begin the commemoration. An army of MPs and Garrison officers stand in rows in the grand hall as the nine brave survivors of the Survey Corps kneel at your presence.
You summon the bearer with a wave of your hand. She emerges with a cushioned box of bolo ties, each one reflecting the wings of freedom on its green casing.
It's a ceremony in the Survey Corps' honor, in the survivors' and casualties' alike. You are to grant each one with a tie of their own as part of the commemoration, and they are to kiss your hand, as tradition calls it.
They are to kiss your hand.
It's nothing new. Your royal hand has been kissed by many others in the past as a courtesy, including the late Commander Erwin, who claimed the first kiss at your coronation. Tradition dictates that your right hand be kissed in favor of any other as it is the same one used in the military salute, while your left remains pure, untouched.
As you stand ahead of the one person you had been dying to interact with, however, you wonder if it would be so bad to bend the rules a bit.
A sly smile forces itself on your lips, but you restrain it with a bite on your tongue. The bearer holds the bolo ties to your height and bows her head. You grab the first tie, one hand on the cord and the other on the green ornament.
As you turn to the Scouts, you observe the new Commander who falls first in line. With one hand on their chest and their head tilted downward, it's difficult to see their face. They appear much healthier than before, their bruises and scratches having healed after two weeks of rest. Their eye injury, however, not so much. They wear fresh bandaging over their head, but you heard from Zackly that their healing has come a long way.
You walk toward Hange. When they sense you in close proximity, they look up momentarily before averting their gaze to the ground.
If it were any other day without hundreds of pairs of eyes watching your every move, you would have grinned with joy. Alas, duty calls for discipline, so you grant Hange their tie and secure it on their collar.
Soon afterward, they tilt their head upward. The Commander reaches for your hand, but you abruptly offer your left.
They glance at you in confusion, but they don't question it. The Commander takes your left hand in theirs, and with a gentle tug, they bring your soft skin to their lips.
Your heart bursts into flames, a shudder passing through your body. Hange kisses your hand longer than expected, which triggers a panicked reaction in your head. When they pull away, you retract your hand under your cloak, the feel of their lips lingering on your hand.
When you grab the next bolo tie, you smile to yourself discreetly.
The ceremony fades to the back of your head like a distant memory as time passes. Before you know it, a few years have passed since then and you have grown more accustomed with the Commander, who oftentimes visits Mitras when they are summoned by Zackly or the court.
Fleeting memories aside, if there was one thing you would remember for the rest of your life, it would be Hange's feathered kiss on your hand. Nothing could erase that from your head; it's been eternally etched onto your memory. When no one is looking and you're left with your deepest thoughts, you catch yourself swiping your hand over the patch of skin that they had kissed. Your longing dies down a bit when you realize how stupid you could be to yearn for someone this much, but your liking for the Commander returns a few days later and it repeats like a never-ending cycle.
But when Zackly tells you of the Survey Corps' expedition to Marley, you find a shimmer of hope in getting over your foolish feelings.
The Scouts are to be sent away from Paradis Island for a month, perhaps longer, to conduct an overseas expedition of some sort on Marleyan grounds. It should give you enough time to forget about the Commander and busy yourself with more important things. Maybe you could tend to the orphanage while they're gone.
Frankly, it upsets you to a degree but it also eases your mind to have some time to yourself without Commander Hange's presence interrupting your healing process every few days. The plan is nothing but clever.
On the day of the Survey Corps' departure, you are invited to the harbor with your entourage. As you wait for the Azumabito engineers to board, you are told to take shelter in a nearby building.
To your surprise, the Commander themselves walk in.
"I was told that you would be here," Hange chirps, a smile dancing on their lips as the door closes behind them.
They look different—almost unrecognizable, but more stunning than ever. A long coat drapes over a tailored brown suit, paired with a crimson vest and a crisp white blouse barely visible beneath the fastened buttons. Atop their head rests a stylish hat, which they remove with a graceful motion, bowing low in a gesture of greeting that feels both formal and unexpectedly personal.
You nod to your escorts and they shuffle out of the room.
"I could have met you outside, Commander," you remark once the door closes, breaking the silence. "Zackly must be nearby. I'll call for him."
"No need." Hange waves a hand dismissively as they approach your seat with purposeful strides. "I ran into him on my way here. Besides, I wanted to say goodbye before we depart."
They wait for you to lend your hand for a kiss, but you don't offer it.
"(Y/N)?"
Your chest tightens. They haven't addressed you as such in so long.
"Your hand?" Hange asks. "What's the matter?"
They step closer. The Commander crouches to level themselves with your hand, trying to find any sign on your face that could hint at your predicament. They're left clueless when you remain unresponsive.
"I suppose I can't force the Queen, but I also can't leave without her order," they joke.
Silence falls between you. Hange looks at you, bewildered. You bravely look back.
"I know."
Their ears perk up.
"Sorry. Will you kiss me now, Commander?"
Hange's nervous laugh breaks the silence. Avoiding your gaze, they look at the ground with quivering irises as they surmise the best response to your request.
"Of course!" they respond, albeit shakily. Gently, they reach for your right hand to kiss it as they curse themselves silently for thinking of any malicious intent behind your statement.
Yet you withdraw your hand to your side, prompting Hange to stop.
"Uh"—they laugh nervously yet again—"may I have your hand?"
No response.
Hange reaches out again. They lay their hand on top of yours.
"What are you doing?" you ask.
"Kissing you?" Hange replies with a questioning tone. Their eyebrows furrow when you gaze at them firmly. You seem unhappy by their gestures and they're unsure why.
Confusion flickers across their face.
Unless...
"You meant something else, didn't you?"
You lower your head, and Hange feels a glint of satisfaction at getting a reaction out of you. Nonetheless, they stay confused. It was a bluff. Hange doesn't actually understand what you want.
"My Queen, if you could give me your hand now, then I can give it to you right after," they press on.
"You would not."
"Yes, I would!"
"Is that so?" you challenge. "I doubt you would want to kiss me like that, Commander."
Hange falls silent. The gears in their head turn slowly as they connect the dots.
Your order was unexpected—so you meant it in that way.
They clear their throat.
"They would have my head for that, no matter whose orders I followed," they say with a resigned edge, voice just above a whisper. Your gaze drops, but their tone softens in understanding. "Still, I think there might be… a way around it."
Hange's calloused hand slowly wraps around your right, and with a gentle motion, they bring your hand to level with their lips. Brown eye locked with yours, you feel their hot breath fan on your skin as they breathe out evenly.
A kiss—that's what Hange wants to do. Anything other than a courtesy kiss on your royal hand and they would be condemned to eternal damnation. Your eyes flit in between their brown eye and your hand, but at the last second, you retract your arm.
"No," you breathe out.
Hange is muddled. They assumed this was an appropriate alternative.
"The left, Commander. Not my right."
You bring your left hand to Hange's lips. Clutching your soft skin, a memory fleets by and they remember the same bewilderment that dawned on them a few years ago.
"I see, my Queen."
They fight back a smirk as they understand the rationale of your actions. Hange is astounded that they had only realized years later.
"My, I feel like a fool for not noticing... Well, do your escorts kiss you farewell on this hand, too?"
You purse your lips, deciding to remain silent.
"They don't, do they?
The Commander brings your hand to their cheek. With a tilt of their head, they caress their face with the back of your hand, smooth skin gliding over theirs.
You exhale shakily.
"No one is allowed to touch the Queen until she initiates," they whisper. "No one is allowed to kiss her beyond the orders of tradition."
They bring the back of your hand to the corner of their lips.
"I'm playing with fire, but I can't seem to stop. Will you stop me?"
Hange's brown eye locks with yours, and for a moment, you imagine the best of outcomes. The Commander follows the Queen's word. A one-word answer would change everything for better or for worse.
You decide swiftly.
"No, I will not."
Hange glides their thumb softly across your palm, their touch warm and deliberate. With a fluid motion, they bring your left hand to their lips, brushing a tender kiss against your skin as their entrancing stare holds yours. The kiss lingers, unhurried, as if to etch the moment into your senses.
Then, their lips trail to your ring finger, pressing another gentle kiss before they finally pull away, leaving a warmth that seems to linger in the air between you.
"It was a pleasure speaking with the Queen. I shall see you in a month."
As Hange leaves, you think about their gestures. They replay in your head even as the Commander boards the Azumabito ship, ready to sail to foreign lands.
You stare into the distance until a knock sounds on the door. Zackly asks for your presence on the dock, but his orders go unnoticed as you drown out all noises under the trance that the Commander has put you in.
A few hours after their departure, Hange's mind drifts back to their actions. Foolish—that much is obvious. If anyone found out what they'd done, the consequences would be nothing short of hellish. But even so, they wouldn't change a thing.
After all, if trouble came knocking, they'd have an entire month to figure out how to deal with it.