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sapnap glances over to his second monitor, raising a brow at the blond. "you wish."
punz chuckles along, still circling gradually back and forth in his chair. he's leaning back, both eyes fixed on the call and a cheeky smile gracing his features. "i don't even need to wish, i know you love me deep down."
the ravenette rolls his eyes at the blond, acting unbothered, but he can feel the way his heart skips a beat at the little four-lettered word. he knows it isn't that, not yet, but even punz teasing him about it makes him feel a certain type of way.
sapnap has avoided any sort of romantic affection or relationship for pretty much his entire life. when he was younger, he felt as though he had a million bigger things to worry about and, as he grew, he realised that he had so much trauma he didn't want to burden anyone with it.
that, and he knows that his trauma will hold him back in ways that could risk ruining a possible relationship. he fears that he can't offer as much as someone else might, simply because the monsters of his past demand on holding him back.
but his feelings against relationships unfortunately haven't stopped him from crushing on one of his best friends (much worse, one who constantly jokingly flirts). he knows nothing will happen between them, but he enjoys their playful dynamic anyway.
"you're not even denying it," punz points out with an evil little giggle, tucking his seat in slightly so he's closer to the camera. it takes everything in the ravenette not to look over at the display on his monitor. "this feels like a confession, actually," he jokes.
sapnap rolls his eyes even harder, this time making sure that he rolls his head a little too, just for dramatic effect. "like i said," he reiterates, "you wish."
punz huffs, though this entire thing is quite clearly a joke to him. "fine," he grumbles, "guess i'll just sit here and be unlovable."
sapnap shakes his head in amusement, feeling the smirk on his lips and being unable to push it down. he ignores the blonde's blatant attempt at fishing for attention and refocuses on the screen before him, skimming over instagram threads.
he's never been on the site until now, because he always just uses X, but he was bored during their long call and thought he would give it a go just to see if it's any good. he's yet to be sold on it, but it's not terrible.
it's a lot like instagram in the way that the posts seem quite generic, and the things going viral have all gone viral before on other platforms, but he doesn't hate it. if anything, it's probably a good way to learn about what's going on in the pop culture world and to catch up on all the memes and references that he misses when he's too busy.
although new humour is hardly funny, and the brain rot side of things gets exhaustingly annoying after a while, so sapnap can't imagine that he will take the time to come back on threads another time. maybe he's being too judgemental, but it doesn't seem to have any features that he couldn't find on some other app that's more popular.
he's also unable to ignore the ridiculous amount of ads. not even just ads being put out by the site, but also all the ads posted by users, whether it be for their own products or a sponsorship.
the ravenette is mainly able to overlook it all, up until he stumbles across what he thinks is a funny gif, because that is what the caption implies, but it suddenly cuts to an image of an almost-naked woman with an account handle that is definitely just a bot.
normally that kind of thing wouldn't bother him, because it's just a random person and a woman in minimal clothing isn't a crazy thing to see. it's nothing more than what you would see on a day out at the beach, and yet the ravenette finds himself immediately shutting down his browser as if he was burnt by the post, and the sudden hot feeling that rushes over him only accentuates that.
he feels almost queasy, but he tries his best to push down the sudden discomfort even as a shudder wracks through him.
sapnap moves the mouse, about to open up something else to distract himself from his disgust, but the plastic under his hand is warm to the touch and, even though he knows it's because he's been holding it, the heat reminds him of skin and he has to force his hand away, pulling it back to his lap.
but even then he can feel the smooth warmth of skin against his palm and the muted tickle of breath over his shoulder and the dark part of his brain begins to grow until he has no choice but to force it away. if sapnap lets himself think too hard into the memories of his past, he's going to make himself sick.
so he shies away from the thoughts, simply refusing them from his memory as if he is physically pulling away. the ravenette feels each worry go quiet one after the other, but the anxious feeling in his chest doesn't go and he feels it pulling him under as he seeks blindly for some kind of comfort.
he pictures a new world in his head. the ravenette is smaller in his own imagination, but it feels right, and he can picture himself sitting on a thick, cushioned couch. the house in his mind is warm and the lights are set to a low, golden glow. there are rows upon rows of bookshelves, probably belonging to his dad, and there are walls filled with family portraits and pretty pictures of stars and flowers.
he tries to imagine how the cushions would feel underneath his hands by rubbing his palms over the sweatpants material on his thighs, and he pictures the different noises that would be heard in the cosy cottage. the creaking of floorboards and the hum of a boiler somewhere.
even as the gentle image drags sapnap further into a calm headspace, his heart continues to thump widely with the aftershocks of his recent anxiety, and the physical discomfort makes his features twist as he wishes it away.
how can he enjoy the house in his head when he is forced into the real world by the hurt in his chest?
"are you alright?"
sapnap jolts, looking over at his screen, and the racing beat of his heart creeps up higher in response to the jumpscare.
his gaze lands on punz, who is peering carefully at him through the monitor, looking puzzled.
sapnap tries to remember if he had his eyes closed when he was in his imaginary world, but he isn't sure. was he picturing it for a moment or two, or has he been zoned out for a while now? what is punz thinking?
the little picks at the hem of his t-shirt, staring intently back at the blond. a part of him thinks that now isn't the time to be regressed, but he can't really find it in himself to pull away the blanket of comfort, so he just lets it happen. also, if big-sapnap wasn't okay with this, the little is sure he would hear that pesky voice in the back of his head.
"sapnap?"
but the ravenette doesn't know what to say, nonetheless. he isn't super young right now, maybe six or so, and he's frightfully aware of the fact that he has never spoken to punz in this way before. punz has never met little-him, and the boy is actually slightly worried about it.
what if punzo doesn't like him? he likes big-sapnap, but maybe he is annoying when he is regressed? maybe he was just being nice a few weeks ago, but he doesn't actually want anything to do with this side of the ravenette's life.
but, also, the little is struggling to hold himself back. he wants to talk to the blond. he wants them to be friends.
"uhm, i'm gonna message dream to check on you. yeah?"
sapnap doesn't say anything as punz turns slightly, but he watches through the call as the blond pulls up another tab and starts typing.
sapnap holds a hand up, pressing it over his mouth to stop himself from giggling because he already knows that dream isn't home. the blond has gone out for dinner with his little siblings, and so punz is pointlessly messaging him.
that's funny to him, for some reason.
"oh," punz says after a long moment. "dream says he isn't-" the blond cuts himself off when he looks back at the call, and sapnap watches the moment that punz notices the ravenette trying to hold in his laughter. the other boy smiles slightly, seeming amused, and asks, "is something funny, sappy?"
the nickname is the final straw for the ravenette, and his hand falls away from his mouth as he breaks out into a loud, joyous laugh, unable to contain his amusement any longer.
he hears punz laugh along, which only makes his chest feel lighter.
"you're so silly," punz says, but it's fond and his tone is sweet, almost like he knows he is talking to a child. sapnap supposes he probably does. "really, though, sap, are you okay? you looked a little sad."
the ravenette manages to rain in his giggles, but he can't remember why he was upset before so he just shrugs. he is still nervous to talk for some reason, but he decides to rip the bandaid off and force out some words so he can tell the other, "i'm okay, but my heart feels a little funny."
he supports his point by holding his hand to his chest and, even now, he can feel the thumping against his palm. sapnap isn't all that worried, but the way that punz's brows furrow does make him just a little nervous.
"do you want me to text george?" the blond offers. "i could ask him to come and check on you, and see if he thinks your heart is okay."
the little nods, knowing that he will feel better with his mom. something about his empty room makes him uneasy, probably because he's getting used to having company while regressed, and he looks forward to having the brunette to hang out with.
after a few long moments of silence, punz says, "alright, he's on his way." the blond offers a smile to the camera, and it's warm and caring in a way that makes sapnap's chest go tight.
"you're handsome," he tells the blond, just because it is a nice thing to say. even in a childlike headspace, sapnap thinks the other looks nice, even if it isn't in the same way he usually does.
and punz visibly preens at the simple compliment, his cheeks going rosy as he forces a chuckle and says, "thanks sappy, so are you."
sapnap laughs too, because the name is funny again, and this time he hides his face and his giggles behind both of his palms. even when he stops laughing, he stays hidden, only peering out between the gaps in his fingers to steal secret glances at the blond, but he just keeps gasping because punz is already staring back through the camera every time.
it isn't until a minute later, when george enters the room, that sapnap seems to forget about their little game of peekaboo as he leaps out of his chair and crosses the room with an eager, "mom!"
george laughs fondly, accepting the hug even though it feels stiff and unnatural to him, and says, "hey buddy."
"can we colour?" sapnap asks, turning out of the hug before the other even has the chance to answer. he gets down on the floor, ready to pull his colours out from under the bed, and tunes out from the world around him, completely missing the brief conversation that happens between george and punz before the call comes to a mutual end.