Work Text:
Ranma looked at his cell phone. The screen read ‘Porkchop - incoming.’ “Hey Ryoga. Everything okay with Yuma?”
“Yuma? Oh yeah, Yuma’s fine.” There was a pause and some rustling as the phone changed hands on the other end.
“HI, PA-MA!” exclaimed a voice a bit louder than Ranma was expecting.
“Hey sport. You being good for Uncle?”
“I’m being good! Me and Uncle are going on an adventure!”
“To the playground?”
“No! To China!”
Ranma had a bad feeling about this. “You’re making-believe that the dojo is China?”
“Nope! We’re in the real China!”
A very bad feeling about this. “Sounds fun! Can you put Uncle back on the phone for me?”
“Okay! Love you!”
“Love you too.”
There was another pause and another bit of rustling.
“In my defense, this might actually just be Yokohama.”
“Two hours, Ryoga. Two hours. ‘Oh, of course we’ll stay put,’ you said. ‘Won’t even leave the house,’ you said.”
“He wanted to go to the playground so badly. And then he looked at me with those eyes. It wasn’t fair. I can’t say no to him when he gives me that look!”
In his heart, Ranma understood that: Yuma was frickin’ adorable and had everyone wrapped around his fingers. Nonetheless: “You are the biggest idiot on the face of the earth.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I wouldn’t have taken him but he said he knew the way, but I was pretty sure we were going in the wrong direction and the next thing I knew…”
“And the next thing you knew, you were in the Forbidden City.”
“...I thought that was in Bangladesh?”
“I’m going to ignore what you just said for the sake of my sanity.”
“I promise I’ll take the best care of him.”
“I’m not worried about his safety. I’m worried about cursed springs and villages where Yuma’s dad once got accidentally engaged.”
“Wasn’t that last part actually back home and not in China?”
“Not the point! If you see any springs or martial artists you stop and don’t go any further.”
“...all right.”
“Promise me if you see them you’ll stop and not go any further. I do not want Yuma to get cursed or engaged.”
“I promise.”
“All right. So are you in some kind of settlement or a town, or are you out in the country.”
“I think it’s a town. It feels vaguely familiar.”
“Not to pour salt in a wound, but I’ve known you long enough that I do not trust your vibe checks one tiny bit.”
“Yeah.”
“Can you see anything around that identifies where you are?”
“Not really. It’s mostly just houses. I haven’t seen any signs.”
“All right. I hate to say this but… can you look around to find anything identifiable?”
“I can do that. I gotta say, I’m surprised at how calm you’re being about this.”
“By this point, for as long as we’ve known each other, I’m used to it. You do have Yuma by the hand, right?”
“He’s on my shoulders, actually.”
“Once we figure out where you are, maybe you can give the phone to him again and I can have him guide you like in that movie about the rat chef.” There was a beep on Ranma’s phone. “Hang on, I’ve got another call coming in… oh, hey, it’s Akane.” He did not look forward to the conversation he was about to have. “Listen, P-chan, I hate to do this, but I’m totally throwing you under the bus about this.”
“What?”
“I figure if I tell Akane you kidnapped Yuma I probably won’t get in any trouble.”
“Kidnapped?”
“No hard feelings, okay?”
“But I called Akane just before I called you. I told her you asked me to mind Yuma for you.”
“Did you now.” So much for transferring all the blame. Ranma looked at the incoming call notification: somehow his phone seemed to have a vein bulging out of its forehead. “On second thought, if you find out where you are, I’ll book a ticket there. I think wandering around with my kid and my idiot best friend for a few days, far, far away from civilization, might not be a bad idea.”