Chapter Text
This isn’t okay.
Airi had this… fluttery feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t really.. explain it? At least, not in any poetic way like she was sure Haruka or Shizuku probably cou— AGH! There it was again! The second she thought of her friends, too!! Every single time she thought of the girls in her idol group, this stupid feeling happened, and her heart began to race. At first, she tried to deny it, tried to convince herself it was a silly thing and she maybe she was sick or something with how much her face heated up around them.
...
But.. well... she hadn't found herself too convincing. Plus, she was pretty sure there wasn't a sickness that only made you feel this way when your closest friends were brought up. It didn't just happen when she thought of them in particular. Sometimes, whenever their names were said, or when she saw something that reminded her of the three... she froze. She froze, and her stomach fluttered, and her heart began pounding. Then her face felt hot, and then she felt all floaty and fuzzy and stupid thoughts were put into her head.
Thoughts she NEVER WANTED by the way!! They just... popped up! Randomly!!! It was so weird... and she acted even weirder whenever it happened. Feeling all shy, getting tongue-tied when it was acknowledged, having to take a moment just to regain the ability to think clearly again! It was even worse when the girls themselves realized! Ugh, talk about torture... Airi was sure it wasn't on purpose, but she grew irritated at both them asking if she was okay, and herself for not being able to respond with more than an agitated nod or a flustered "mhm" instead of actual words.
Lying flat on her bed now, Airi stared at her ceiling, hands covering her eyes and running down her face with a groan as that warm feeling enveloped her chest again. She frowned, brow furrowed irritably, glaring daggers at nothing in particular. Perhaps, in the vague hope that somehow her feelings would process the agitated expression, and maybe ease up a bit. Let her behave normally around Haruka, Minori, and Shizuku for once.
It didn't work.
With a growl, Airi rolled over on her bed, burying her face in her pillow. Her head was flooded with memories of the others, pictures flashing in her brain that made her face heat up, burning a scarlet red. The ecstatic expression Minori had had after their second show. The brunette had flopped to the ground backstage afterward beside Airi, utterly exhausted, but still so excited you could practically taste it in the air. Minori had faced Airi with the most joyful expression she'd ever seen on the other, breathlessly exclaiming that it had been even better than the first. Haruka's overjoyed grin that time Airi had impulsively bought her a penguin plushie she'd seen at the mall. Airi had been shopping with Ena, but the moment she'd seen it, she had to buy it. She recalled shoving the item into Haruka's arms at lunch, and the way Haruka had actually pounced on her to hug her. Shizuku's sparkling eyes as she recalled what she and her sister Shiho did the other day. She once turned quickly to Airi, happily chattering on about how her and her sister's activities over the weekend.
Cheeks burning, Airi fought the urge to throw an actual tantrum at the overwhelming feelings, rolling back over again with a frustrated groan. Her thoughts were kept occupied by the three girls, and she couldn't escape them. Uughhhhhhh... I can't clear my thoughts! Is this normal?! Surely it is! Stupid, stupid, stupid.. Airi grumbled frustratedly, her thoughts chiding her. She hissed, irritation mounting, mainly because she couldn't understand why she felt this way. Especially about three girls!
...
Well... she'd.. had a theory for a while, actually. But... well— they were girls! So, obviously, it wasn't THAT!! That'd be insane. Immoral, even. It'd be downright wrong, actually. Pfft, after all, Airi only liked guys! Duh! Just like... just like any other normal girl. Yeah. Airi liked guys, and that was that, it was the right thing. The normal thing. Everyone knew that! Besides, her friends probably thought all that was... weird. Yeah.. they'd probably think it was weird or disgusting.
...
Weird. Disgusting.
That's what homosexuality was. Obviously. Airi had learned that at a young age, seeing people be bullied because they "looked" or "sounded" gay. She didn't want that to happen to her. It wouldn't happen to her. She wasn't gay. This was just... some normal friendship thingy. Everyone felt like this about their friends. Airi was sure of it... or.. at least 78% sure of it. She wasn't the only one, right? Probably not. No, this had to happen to at least some other people. She just... needed someone's help.
Ena.
Her childhood bestfriend could help her. She'd tell her... well.. hm... what would Shinonome Ena tell her?
Mind wandering, Airi could practically imagine her friend's face as she struggled for a while, then finally blurted out her question. Ena would give her a deadpan stare, unamused. The artist's eyes would narrow with a sharp; "You're in love, stupid ass. Just make a goddamn move, Momoi!"
Airi froze. It was almost like Ena's voice was ringing in her ears, as if the brunette was sat right here beside her, giving her that unamused stare.
The realization that crept up her spine was equal parts disgusting as it was terrifying. She felt... ill. Sick with her heart and herself, sick with everything. For being made like this. For... just.. the realization in itself. She shivered. Although... a strange flicker of comfort warmed her chest, finally having closure for why she was feeling like this. It was squashed down by another wave of illness.
"Oh fuck!" Airi breathed, swearing within the confinement of her own room, staring up at her ceiling. Dazed. Eyes round with sudden horror and stomach churning now, no longer plagued by butterflies.
Oh fuck, she was in love with not one, but three girls.
...And her friends no less.
She covered her face with her hands, muffling a mortified noise.
This isn’t okay.