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“Oh, so this is where she lives.” MC gazed up at the large grandiose house. “Looks posh.”
“Monika’s family are rich,” Sayori commented. “I’ve been here before. It looks even posher on the inside.”
The duo approached the front door, with MC pressing the button that rang the doorbell. Several seconds later, the door opened to reveal Monika.
“Hi!” she beamed at them. “Come on in. Take your shoes off and I’ll lead you to the living room.”
“Sorry we’re late,” Sayori told her as they entered the house. “That was on me. I had MC wait for me.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Monika reassured her as they removed their shoes. “We’re not all here yet, and we haven’t decided what we’d do together.”
She led them into the living room, which was a spacious grey room with large windows and a thick carpet. Seated on one of the sofas was Yuri.
“Morning,” she quietly spoke.
“Morning,” MC nodded back. “It’s a nice place you got here, Monika.” He faced the club president. “Someone would kill to have a home like this.”
“Well, that hasn’t happened,” she chuckled. “My parents lived here long before I was born.”
“Are they out today?” Sayori asked her.
“Most of today, actually. They’ll be back long after everyone’s gone.” She then stood before Yuri and enquired “any messages from Natsuki?”
“Haven’t heard anything,” replied the girl with the purple hair. “Let me just check.”
She pulled out her phone from her trouser pocket, and proceeded to check both voicemails and texts.
“Haven’t heard from her. I’m assuming she’s on her way.”
“Well, we’re not in a hurry anyway,” MC shrugged. “As Monika said, we haven’t even figured out what we’d be doing today.”
“She’s not normally this late,” Yuri observed. “She’s fairly punctual.”
“Yeah,” Sayori nodded. “I mean, she’s later than I am.”
“It’s most likely nothing,” MC speculated. “We’ll find out when she gets here.”
No sooner had he finished speaking, the doorbell rang.
“I wonder if that’s her,” Yuri speculated as Monika made her way to the front door. She opened it, revealing the familiar petite girl with pink hair.
“Hi,” Monika softly spoke with a smile. “Come in and take off your shoes.”
“Hi,” Natsuki responded, her voice quieter and almost flat in tone. She entered the house and removed her shoes, placing it with the other belonging to her friends.
“This is your first time here, isn’t it?” Monika asked her as she led her to the living room.
“Yeah,” Natsuki nodded, a lack of enthusiasm – but not hostility – in her pitch.
“It’s the same for MC and Yuri. They’re already here with Sayori.”
“Wait, Sayori’s on time for once?” she asked with surprise, only then noticing she was in the living room; her focus had been away from Monika as they walked. She noticed Sayori and told her “No offence.”
“None taken,” beamed the girl with the bow in her hair.
“Yeah, you were the one running late,” MC noted. “Did you get lost?”
“No.” Natsuki folded her arms. “I knew my route. I looked it up online in advance. Plus, it’s not like we had anything specific planned to begin with, so me being late shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“Is everything alright?” Monika asked her.
“I’m fine,” replied the short girl. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Just being your usual tsundere self?” MC guessed.
“I’m not a tsundere!” she snapped back.
“Then why are you being so defensive?” Yuri quietly enquired, almost whispering.
“I’m not being defensive!” Natsuki shouted back, her raised voice a contrast to Yuri’s own.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Sayori asked her, puzzled by her behaviour.
“I am fine!” Natsuki insisted. “Do I need to spell it out for you?!”
“Natsuki.”
Monika’s raised voice caught her attention. She was firm, but not too aggressive when she called out her name. In that time, Natsuki paused for several seconds to gather her thoughts.
“Okay,” she spoke in a hushed voice. “I’m not fine. There. I said it.”
There was then silence that lasted for what felt like an eternity.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Monika asked her. Natsuki looked away from her, let alone the others. She felt awkward being placed on the spot.
“It’s because of him, isn’t it?”
Yuri was the one who decided to speak. Not just did Natsuki sharply look at her, but so did their friends. They then all looked back at Natsuki, who felt defeated.
“Yeah,” she spoke, her voice so low it almost wasn’t heard. She hesitated before continuing with what she had to say. “We had a fight. A really bad one. But…”
As she paused, Monika held her by the shoulders.
“Do you want to sit down?” she was asked. Natsuki never responded, simply seating herself on one of the sofas, as did MC, Sayori, and Yuri. All the while, she never faced her friends and spoke slowly and hesitantly.
“As I said, we had a fight. It happened last night. But what’s bothering me is what happened next.”
“What happened?” Sayori leaned forward. Natsuki slowly turned her head to face her.
“I don’t want to bother any of you and ruin the mood.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Monika reminded her. “We’re all friends in the literature club.”
After hesitating again, Natsuki explained “it’s easier if I explained everything.”
Natsuki was in her bedroom, seated at her desk in her pale pink pyjamas. Placed in front of her was her large notebook, pen in hand as she tried to think of what to write for her next poem. Nothing seemed to be coming into her head as she thought of countless ideas, none of which resonated the most for her.
The bedroom door suddenly burst open and her father Daisuke soon set foot inside the room. He was a tall, lean man with short maroon hair and dark pink eyes who wore slim rectangular glasses. His unexpected intrusion caught his daughter off guard, and she sharply faced him.
“What’s this?” he asked her in a quiet but serious tone that held back his anger. In his hand was a manga book, its title – Sailor Blue – written out in large letters on the cover.
“What were you doing in my schoolbag?” Natsuki questioned him. “That’s a violation of my privacy!”
“I didn’t bring up going into your schoolbag.” His voice was louder, but far from shouting. “I want to know why the hell you have this. I could tell you were hiding something earlier by how you behaved. Why do you have a manga on you? Did you borrow this from school?”
“I bought it on the way home. It was on sale.”
“What have I told you about reading manga?” he interrogated her. “What have I said?”
Natsuki only stared on at him, a mixture of anger and sadness within her; the latter preventing her from speaking.
“Well?”
She still never responded to his words.
“I keep telling you. You’re eighteen. An adult. So why are you doing childish things like reading manga?”
“I was going to read it at school in the literature club. That’s where I’ve been reading other manga, too.”
“There’s more?!” Daisuke’s eyes widened. “How much manga do you have at your club in school?”
“When I first joined the other week, I brought in the entire collection of Parfait Girls.”
“So, that’s what you’ve been doing with all your pocket money!” Her father was exasperated. “And there I was thinking you’d be using it for something more useful.”
“Does it matter what I spend it on?”
“Of course it does! I can’t understand why, after the number of times I’ve told you to stop reading manga, you still do exactly that.”
“Maybe I like reading manga,” Natsuki pointed out. “Perhaps it’s one of the few things that actually makes me happy. By being in the literature club at school, away from home, I get a chance to do what I want for once.”
“Well, I want you to stop reading it when you’re there.”
“You can’t make me!”
“I’ll ring up the school and tell them to confiscate it off of you, let alone ban you from reading any.”
“That’s wrong!” Natsuki snapped. “You can’t dictate what I can and can’t do. It’s also because of when I’m in the literature club that I can eat what I want instead of whatever you attempt to cook and force me to eat.”
“Have you even looked at yourself?” Daisuke reminded her. “Have you seen how petite you are? There are other people your age, female and male, who don’t look the way you do. You look younger than you are as a result.”
“That’s because of your cooking!” Natsuki slowly stood up from her chair. “You force me to eat everything on my plate, and then I throw up later on as a consequence.”
“Your body is only rejecting it because you don’t appreciate anything I’ve done for you, young lady. Do I need to remind you—”
“Don’t.” Although she never shouted, Natsuki’s voice cut him off. “Don’t say it.”
“Oh, I’m going to say it.” Daisuke folded his arms. “As I was saying, do I need to remind you that I’ve had to raise you alone following the death of your mother? And what do I get? No gratitude whatsoever! You don’t appreciate anything I’ve done for you.”
“Well, maybe I’d appreciate you if you got off my back about what I can and can’t do.” Natsuki retorted, her anger increasing. “Why can’t you just accept that I like reading manga? I bet that Mum wouldn’t have had an issue with it. I bet she would’ve been a better cook. Hell, I even wish that it was you who died instead of her!”
The more she spoke, the greater her fury and the volume of her voice. The words she spoke were harsh, but she meant them. She had no regret in the choice of words she made, an immense feeling of relief washing over her knowing her true feelings had been expressed, let alone she’d finally stood up to her controlling parent. Natsuki stared on at her father, her fists clenched tightly as she ranted, but by the time she’d finished, the clenching ceased despite her overall anger.
But she wasn’t the only angered person standing in her bedroom. Daisuke’s eyes were widened by his daughter’s words, and not just out of shock. For several seconds he stared on at her, not moving in the slightest way as he thought through what he’d been told. He then grabbed hold of the manga book with his other hand and proceeded to tear its pages out.
“What are you doing?!” Natsuki shouted at him, shocked by his sudden actions. She tried to reclaim the book from him, but he sharply moved his hands away as he continued tearing it, quicker and quicker with more and more pages being removed.
“You don’t appreciate anything I’ve ever done for you!” Daisuke bellowed at her. “I’m going to make this clear – you are not to attend that literature club at school unless you stop reading manga. I keep telling you that it’s for children. You’re eighteen, for fuck’s sake! Grow up! Monday morning, I’m going to ring up the school and make sure you’re forbidden from reading any manga. And if I ever catch you buying manga, let alone just looking at it, you’re out of here! I’m not going to have a daughter who doesn’t abide by my rules while she’s under my roof!”
With the virtually-destroyed manga on the floor, Daisuke stormed out of the room and slammed the door on his way out. As he yelled at her, Natsuki remained frozen in shock. Nothing about what had just taken place could be processed by her. Nothing like it had ever come before. She shook, tears in her eyes as she fell to her knees and observed the damage to the manga. Even with the devastating events that had taken place, even with tears that soon fell, she never properly cried. She was that shaken and taken aback by her own parent’s words and actions.
All the while, her mind raced.
“What do I do? What can I do? I can’t live like this. I can’t keep living like this. I can’t live with a father who just said and did what he just did. There has to be a way.”
She looked around her room, hoping to find something that could point her in the right direction as to what to do next. She then remembered her notebook on her desk, and instantly thought of a solution to her problem. Natsuki returned to her seat and tore out a page that was yet to be written on, and with her pen, wrote what she wished to write.
Dad,
I’ve decided that if you don’t want a daughter who likes manga, of all things, then I might as well leave. I mean, it’s not like I’ve murdered or raped anyone, is it?
I can’t put up with everything anymore. I can’t cope with you criticising everything I say or do. I especially can’t put up with how your force me to eat when I don’t want to. It’s because of you that I have an eating disorder. Every time you cook, I always throw up later on because my body just can’t handle what you make for us. I’m amazed even your body hasn’t rejected your crap. It’s because of your cookery skills – or the lack thereof – that I taught myself how to cook, let alone bake.
We used to be happy until Mum died. You’ve become worse. You became so obsessed about everything we did, let alone anything I do. It’s just manga. It’s not like its drugs or something that could kill me. Why can’t you just leave me alone?
By the time you read this, I’ll be far away from here. I have no intention on coming back, even if it means abandoning my friends just to make sure I’m not anywhere near you.
- Natsuki.
As she wrote the message, she cried. She was finally able to release her grief, her tears making the occasional drip onto the page. Once the message was finished, she pushed it to aside and placed her on her desk, her arms serving as a makeshift pillow for her as she wept.
Natsuki awoke, feeling surprisingly well-rested despite the ache in her heart the night before. She remained resting where she was for a few minutes, not wanting to escape the euphoria of her relaxed state into her harsh homelife, until a realisation dawned on her.
She’d fallen asleep at her desk.
This affected her plans. She wished to sneak out in the middle of the night, but her grief brought on a slumber that soothed her. Immediately, she was shocked by her own unexpected actions, but two more surprises caught her off guard. Firstly, the message she wrote was no longer in front of her, and secondly, a blanket had been placed on her back.
The dots were easy to connect, but immediately she knew something was askew. It was only a little part of her that could detect it, but Natsuki could tell that the circumstances seemed different. Not just had Daisuke placed the blanket on her, but he’d read her message; most likely not in that order, but if he’d found out about her plans before she acted on them, was he going to prevent her from acting on them? Why did he not speak sooner, even if it meant disturbing her while asleep?
The fact he returned to her bedroom during the night indicated something she couldn’t comprehend coming from him: remorse. Granted, Daisuke was no monster, but he’d been quite clear about Natsuki’s interest in manga, let alone his own cookery abilities; if he was admitting he was wrong in those regards, then it would almost be like talking to another person.
Natsuki slowly stood up off of her chair and left her room. It was morning – no later than just before eight o’clock – and she made her way to her father’s bedroom. The door was ajar, giving her the opportunity to peak in, but Daisuke was not present within. She continued her search, gently making her way downstairs, with the first room she decided to check being the living room. The wooden door coated in white paint was shut, but after twisting the silver handle to enter, she found her parent.
He was sitting by himself on the sofa in his grey and black pyjamas, the usual tired expression on his face that he normally possessed when neutral. He hadn’t even been watching the television; he just sat there, his head lying back against the sofa as if it was a type of pillow. He lifted his head up and looked at her a few seconds after she entered the room.
“I…” The volume of his voice was low and he seemed lost for words. “I saw your letter.”
It was then that Natsuki noticed her message was to his right on the sofa. He held it up as he sat forward.
“It never crossed my mind that you being sick after eating was a disorder.”
“‘Which I caused’,” Natsuki imagined him thinking; this was indeed what he was thinking. She wasn’t bitter despite the fight from the previous day, but was attempting to process what he was doing now.
“After what happened last night, I soon realised I crossed a line. I went way too far.” Daisuke was angry, but it was obvious the target of his frustration was himself. “I mean, for god’s sake – I was threatening I’d disown you for reading manga. Manga! It’s not like you’re reading paedophile or terrorist material. I was even telling you not to see your friends because of it, let alone I was going to make the school stop you from reading manga while you were there. What was I thinking?!”
He held the message on his lap, quickly glancing at it before facing his daughter again.
“I went to check on you later on. I found you asleep at your desk, so I decided not to wake you and put a blanket on you to keep you warm. I found your letter and read it. After that, I kept thinking all night about what you wrote. I’m amazed I even slept. Hell, I’m amazed you slept with how I treated you last night.”
Daisuke then stood up and approached Natsuki, soon holding her tightly by her upper arms as he looked at her with wide, worried eyes.
“Natsuki, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to us. To you. Your mother would be ashamed of me. If she was alive, she’d leave and take you away from me. And I would be the only person to blame.”
It was almost as if Natsuki was being spoken to by another person. She stared on at Daisuke with wide eyes, shocked by how he was appalled by his own behaviour. She’d finally gotten through to him, even if the circumstances were tragic. His focus from her briefly wandered, but then he suddenly faced her again.
“Follow me,” he told her. “I want to show you something. Something important.”
While she never spoke nor nodded, she agreed to follow his instructions. She followed her father up the stairs, soon stopping when they reached the hatch on the ceiling that led to the loft. Daisuke pulled the hatch down, a built-in ladder soon descending so they could both climb up. Natsuki continued following him into the loft, the cold metal of the ladder against her bare feet going unnoticed as she climbed.
Inside the loft, Daisuke flicked a switch to activate the single light that was in the tight but still fairly-spacious area they stood in. There were various cardboard boxes of differing sizes, with the smallest ones being repurposed shoeboxes. Daisuke scanned over the dusty boxes, and Natsuki could tell there was one that would contain something important. He soon located three identical white boxes with blue lids, which were all stacked on top of each other. The one on top was soon picked up, with Natsuki noticing it had a considerable amount of weight to it. He placed it in front of his daughter and then slowly removed the lid, the contents within surprising her.
“Comics?” she asked, removing the first one from the front of the box. “Are these yours?”
Daisuke only shook his head in response. Natsuki very quickly answered the next question she had in her head, but Daisuke soon confirmed it.
“Your mother liked to collect these years ago before you were born. I always found it so odd she liked to read them, but then I came to realise that it was just who she was. When you started to get interested in manga, I didn’t know what it was at first, but when I learned they were a type of comic, it reminded me so much of your mother’s hobby. You’ve always been so much like her, and to see you having a similar interest made me feel the same way I did when she died.”
“And that’s why you didn’t want me to read manga.”
“But I shouldn’t have done,” he firmly replied. “I’ve made you live in fear of me possibly doing what I ultimately did last night. That’s why you sought refuge in the club at school. Natsuki, believe me, I’m sorry. Do what you want. Read manga. Read all of your mother’s old comics. Hell, I’ll even replace the manga I tore up last night. I want to make it up to you and do better for you. For us. I’ll help you get over your eating disorder. If anything, teach me how to cook. I know how good you are at it. I’m always praising you for it.”
Natsuki’s friends all listened to what she had to say. At no point did they interrupt her and ask questions, allowing her to vent her grief and anger. In that time, Monika also seated herself, but on a cushioned footstool near where the sofas were. After Natsuki told her story, there was a saddened silence in the room.
“I don’t get it.” Sayori was the one who broke the silence.
“What don’t you get?” MC asked her.
“Her Dad realised how bad he was and wants to make it up to her. Why should Natsuki still be sad if he’s going to be better?”
“He still did bad things,” Monika pointed out. “And even if a lot of it was caused by his grief when Natsuki’s mother died, that doesn’t justify what he did.”
“I’m also never going to forget everything that’s happened,” Natsuki added. “Especially last night. Sure, it’s not like he’s ever raped me or beat me with a belt, but it’s still upsetting with the problems he’s caused me. And that’s why I’m bothered. He hasn’t actually asked for forgiveness, but I don’t think I can.”
“Well, not yet,” Yuri spoke up. Natsuki slowly faced her, a puzzled and almost angered expression on her face.
“I can’t,” she repeated herself. “I just can’t.”
“No one is forcing you to forgive him,” Yuri explained. “Trust is based on actions, not words. He needs to show that he’s changed for the better before you can possibly put the past behind you.”
“What if I can’t?”
“You’ll have to wait and see what happens,” Monika told her. “When you eventually move out, you can always distance yourself from him before wanting to speak to him again if things don’t go so well from here on out.”
Natsuki’s focus moved away from her friends as she mulled over what she’d been told. Even with the advice she’d received, she was still troubled.
“It’s only advice,” MC reminded her. “At the end of the day, it’s up to you on what you do next. We’re not going to push you into doing anything you wouldn’t want to do.”
Once more, Natsuki analysed her options. After several seconds, she nodded when she came to an agreement in her mind.
“I’ll give him a chance,” she declared. “Even if things do get better, that won’t necessarily mean I’ll be able to forgive him. But I’ll support him with helping him change. I’ll praise him just like he does to me.”
“Good idea,” Monika nodded. “Now… let’s decide on what we’ll all do today.”