Chapter Text
The party was in full swing, laughter and music weaving together in the cramped, warmly lit living room. Erik stood at the edge of the room, leaning against the wall, nursing a beer he didn’t really want. The bitter taste of it matched the weeks that had dragged by since that night—since Mathias had told him to leave. Erik had left, and he hadn’t looked back. At least, not outwardly. Inside was another story entirely.
Mathias had avoided his gaze back then, jaw tight and shoulders hunched as if bracing for an argument Erik hadn’t given him. He’d simply walked out, taking all his effort, his hope, his everything with him. After that, silence had filled the spaces between them, even when they couldn’t avoid crossing paths. Erik had stopped trying. Mathias, it seemed, had wanted that.
But tonight felt… strange. Erik had known Mathias would be here, since it was at his place but Erik had not been prepared to see Mathias so dressed up. The sharp line of Mathias’ jaw, his dark hair falling messily across his forehead, the way his laugh carried just slightly above the noise—it was all still painfully familiar. And yet, for the first time in weeks, Erik didn’t feel the hollow ache of rejection when their eyes met across the crowd.
Mathias was looking at him. Actually looking. Not the wary glances he’d cast over the past weeks, the ones that darted away too quickly to hold meaning. This time, Mathias’ gaze lingered, searching, almost hesitant. Erik felt his chest tighten, a flicker of something unfamiliar warming him from within.
He glanced away first, pretending to laugh at something one of his friends said, though he hadn’t heard a word. When he dared look back, Mathias was still watching him. That tension between them—the one that had been cold and awkward for so long—shifted. It wasn’t cold now. It wasn’t awkward. It was electric, humming in the space between them, drawing Erik’s attention like a magnet.
Erik made a half-hearted attempt to lose himself in the crowd, weaving between groups of partygoers with his drink in hand. He was just turning a corner near the hallway when it happened. Mathias stepped out of the bathroom at the exact same moment Erik was passing by. Their shoulders collided, and Erik’s beer sloshed dangerously close to the rim of his cup.
“Oh, sorry,” Mathias his voice low and a little breathless. His hands lingered for a moment longer than necessary, the warmth of his touch seeping through the fabric of Erik’s shirt.
“No, it’s… it’s fine,” Erik replied, his voice catching slightly as he looked up. Mathias was close—closer than he had been in weeks. The scent of his cologne, subtle and familiar, hit Erik in a way that made his pulse stutter. Mathias’ gaze flickered over Erik’s face, his lips parting as if he wanted to say more, but he didn’t.
The moment stretched, both of them frozen in the narrow hallway. Erik could see the faint flush on Mathias’ cheeks, whether from the alcohol or something else, he couldn’t tell. Mathias’ fingers flexed slightly before he pulled his hands back, clearing his throat as if to break the spell.
“Didn’t see you there,” Mathias added, his lips twitching into the faintest of smiles. Erik nodded, swallowing hard, and before he could think of something to say, Mathias stepped past him, his shoulder brushing Erik’s as he went. The contact sent a shiver down Erik’s spine, and he stood there for a moment, rooted to the spot, watching Mathias disappear into the crowd. The brief contact, the way Mathias had looked at him… it felt like a crack in the wall that had been between them. He wasn’t sure what it meant, but it made it harder to ignore the pull he’d been feeling all night.
As the night wore on, they kept finding each other. A glance here. A fleeting brush of their gazes there. Erik couldn’t stop the way his eyes were drawn to Mathias, and Mathias didn’t seem to want to stop either. There was something unspoken between them, something Erik couldn’t name but could feel thrumming in his veins.
As midnight drew closer, Erik found himself instinctively looking for Mathias. He scanned the room, his eyes darting past laughing faces and clinking glasses, but Mathias was nowhere to be seen. A knot of unease began to form in his chest. Had Mathias left? Erik tried to shake the thought, telling himself it didn’t matter, that he didn’t care—but the lie felt hollow.
The countdown started, voices rising in unison around him, and still, Erik couldn’t find Mathias. Anxiety clawed at his chest. He pushed through the crowd, his heart pounding louder than the chants around him. “Ten!” someone shouted. The countdown had started, and the noise of the party seemed to swell around him. Erik’s pulse quickened as he glanced around the room one last time, still not seeing Mathias anywhere. Without thinking, he moved toward the door, his feet carrying him outside into the crisp night air.
The sound of fireworks popping in the distance mixed with the muffled cheers from inside the house. Erik’s breath clouded in front of him as he looked around, his heart sinking with every passing second. And then—
“Erik?”
The voice came from behind him, and Erik turned just in time to collide with someone. Strong hands steadied him, gripping his arms to keep him upright, and Erik looked up to find Mathias staring at him, his expression somewhere between surprise and relief.
“Mathias,” Erik breathed, his voice barely audible over the distant fireworks. For a moment, neither of them moved, the world narrowing to just the two of them. Erik felt the warmth of Mathias’ hands through his jacket, grounding him, steadying him in more ways than one.
“I was looking for you,” Mathias admitted softly, his eyes searching Erik’s face.. His hands lingered for a moment before sliding away, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.
“I couldn’t find you,” Erik said, his words rushing out in a breathless tumble. “I thought you’d left.”
There was no hesitation now, no walls between them, just raw honesty in the way he stood there, vulnerable and unguarded.” They were just… there, within arm’s reach, the rest of the room fading into a blur of voices and lights and music.
“Seven! Six!”
Erik swallowed hard, his pulse thundering in his ears. He could feel the heat of Mathias’ presence now, the way the air seemed to charge between them. Neither of them said a word.
“Mathias,” Erik murmured, almost as if testing the name on his tongue. It came out soft, barely audible over the noise, but Mathias heard it. Erik saw the way his lips parted slightly, as if to respond, but no words came.
“Five!”
They were so close now that Erik could see the flecks of gold in Mathias’ dark eyes, the way his lashes cast shadows against his cheekbones. Mathias’ hand twitched at his side, as though he wanted to reach out but wasn’t sure he should.
The world seemed to hold its breath. Erik’s heart was a wild drumbeat in his chest, and he was sure Mathias could hear it. The tension between them was a taut string, ready to snap or sing.
“Three! Two!”
And then, as if drawn together by some invisible force, they moved at the same time. Erik reached for Mathias just as Mathias stepped closer, their hands brushing before Erik’s fingers found the front of Mathias’ jacket. Erik gripped the fabric tightly and pulled Mathias toward him with a sudden, desperate force. Mathias stumbled slightly, the motion unbalancing him, but Erik’s other hand came up to steady him, gripping his waist firmly. Their breaths mingled in the cold air as Mathias looked up, wide-eyed but unresisting.
“One!”
The word was muffled, distant, barely registering as Erik closed the gap between them, his lips pressing against Mathias’ with a messy urgency. It wasn’t perfect—Mathias’ breath hitched in surprise, and their noses bumped slightly—but it was them. The kiss was soft and desperate all at once, a raw expression of everything Erik had been holding back for weeks.
All he could feel was Mathias’ mouth against his, soft but certain, tentative but desperate. It was a kiss that held weeks of silence, weeks of longing, weeks of everything neither of them had said. His entire world had narrowed to the feel of Mathias’ lips against his, soft and warm and everything he hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath for. Mathias kissed him back without hesitation, his hands curling into the fabric of Erik’s jacket as if afraid to let go.
When they finally pulled apart, Mathias’ hand lingered on Erik’s jaw, his thumb brushing lightly against the stubble there. His eyes searched Erik’s, unguarded and vulnerable.
“I…” Mathias started, his voice barely above a whisper. Erik saw something flicker across Mathias’ face—a shadow of doubt, hesitation creeping in at the edges. Erik’s chest tightened, and without thinking, he cupped Mathias’ face gently, his voice low and firm.
But Erik shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“Later,” Erik said, his own voice unsteady but warm. “We’ll talk later.”
Mathias opened his mouth as if to respond, but Erik leaned in again, silencing him with a softer kiss this time. Their lips brushed together in a way that felt unhurried, almost reverent, as if Erik was trying to pour every unspoken word into the touch.
When their foreheads came to rest against each other, Erik’s hand moved instinctively, drawing absentminded patterns on Mathias’ back. The tension between them eased slightly, replaced by something quieter, steadier. Mathias’ breath came in soft, uneven puffs against Erik’s cheek, and Erik smiled faintly, his eyes fluttering shut.
The sound of cheers and fireworks filled the air around them, but it felt distant, muted.
“Happy New Year,” Mathias murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, but the words carried all the weight in the world.
Erik smiled, his chest tight with something that felt a lot like hope. “Happy New Year.”
Neither of them moved to let go. They held onto one another, almost afraid to step out of the fragile bubble they’d created, as if the moment might shatter if they let it go too soon. The sounds of the party inside grew louder, punctuated by cheers and bursts of laughter, but neither of them seemed ready to leave just yet.
Then, a particularly loud noise from inside—the crash of something hitting the floor—made Mathias flinch. His hands loosened their grip, and he pulled back slightly, his eyes darting toward the house.
“We should—” Mathias started, but Erik caught his arm before he could step away entirely. Erik’s grip was firm but gentle, his thumb brushing over the fabric of Mathias’ sleeve as he met his gaze.
“Promise me,” Erik said softly, his voice steady despite the pounding of his heart. “This time, we’ll talk.”
Mathias hesitated for a moment, his lips parted as if to argue, but then he nodded. “Okay,” he said, his voice barely audible, but it carried a weight that made Erik’s chest tighten.
Erik smiled faintly, releasing Mathias’ arm but not stepping back entirely. “Good,” he murmured, his hand lingering just long enough to convey everything he couldn’t put into words.
Only then did Erik release him, his fingers brushing briefly against Mathias’ sleeve before they both turned toward the house. Erik felt the cold air prickling at his skin, but his chest was warm, buzzing with the aftershocks of everything that had just happened.
As they stepped back inside, the warmth of the party enveloped them, the noise and heat almost jarring after the quiet intimacy of the night. Erik’s gaze flicked toward the crowd, scanning faces that suddenly felt too bright, too intrusive. He wanted to reach for Mathias again, to anchor himself, but he forced his hands to stay at his sides.