Work Text:
The children were shrieking & cheering, & Scout gave him a thumbs up so clearly that must have been a good thing. Medic shared a look with Spy & Engineer, but they were just smiling at him, being no help at all.
It had been seven years, & Heavy had never stopped being attractive to him. There was a good reason why he finally retired & decided to get married, after all. And he had to give it to his husband, bleaching his beard white & stuffing his suit to make his belly bigger made him a very convincing Santa Claus. There were things, however, that still drove him mad about his amazing, hot husband.
"Misha," Medic hissed, trying to get Heavy's attention, "Misha, you're too early! You vere supposed to be here after zhe Kinder got zheir pictures taken!" Heavy was too busy playing airplanes with the kids to pay attention to him. It was hot how easily he could lift even the bigger kids, & he was oh so good with them. It almost made Medic regret they didn't have a few of their own, even with so many animals at the house. Heavy would have been such a good dad.
"Misha," Medic hissed again, grabbing Heavy by the elbow, "You're too early, Dummkopf!"
Heavy met him with a jolly smile, "Misha? I know no Misha! My name is Santa Claus & I wish you a very Merry Smissmas, young man!" Medic might have been flattered at being called 'young', if not for the fact he was a good few decades older than his husband. The joys of demonic intervention.
"Misha, listen to me. I know you like to make zhe Kinder happy, but you've ruined our plans!" Medic looked around frantically, children running around him. One of Scout's daughters grabbed onto his leg, but this was a Willis kid so he didn't expect her to be listening in. They were all smiles & no smarts for the most part, & Medic hoped they would stay dumb for as long as possible. Scout's wit on the battlefield times four could only be four times as annoying.
"What do you mean?" Heavy laughed, "Nothing is ruined! We are all in good health, & we are all in good cheer!" He let out a loud belly laugh, something akin to that stereotypical 'hohoho!' that the TV Santa always said. Medic thought it was a bit on the nose, who really laughed like that? He didn't count, Misha loved his 'hoohoo' laughter.
"Mishaaaaaa." Medic whined at a higher volume. Heavy pulled away from him, kneeling down to talk to Soldier's spawn. How dare his husband ignore him!
"Da? What is it? Oh, ahem, I mean hohoho." Medic spun around so fast that the child attached to his leg began laughing. There, in the doorway, stood a very tall, very buff Santa with a bald head and a greying beard.
"You... But... I..." Medic looked like a drowning fish as he pointed first at Heavy, the real Heavy, & then at the imposter talking to Soldier's children. Now that he looked more closely, the other Santa was a bit too short, & his voice was a bit too high.
"Oh crap." He heard Scout say, before multiple retired, trained killers descended upon the imposter. There was a blur of red as Heavy tossed his gift bag aside, & threw himself at the other Santa.
"Noooohohoho! I am the real ooooooone!" The imposter screamed, drowning beneath a sea of bodies, before Heavy simply punched him so hard in the face that he blacked out. The children were cheering, while Medic, Spy, & Heavy & Demo's moms, watched on from the sidelines.
"Oh vell." Medic said with a shrug, before joining the frey.
~~==~~==~~==~~==
"Vell, Mister Claus." Medic purred. He was dabbing away at Heavy's nose with a cotton pad, licking his lips every time a new bead of blood began sliding down his face. Soldier had gotten a tad overzelous, going from pummeling the imposter to pummeling the Smissmas miracle that was Heavy. He only got one punch in before Heavy shoved him, arse first, up Scout's chimney.
As for the imposter? Well, Engineer was kind enough to dispose of him, much to the delight of Pyro & all the kids.
Heavy smirked at him, "What is it, Mr Nabokov? Tell Santa what you want for Smissmas." Medic giggled. He tossed the cotton pad behind him, then wrapped his arms around Santa's neck.
"Zhis Smissmas I vish for a kiss from my husband, zhe ozher Mr Nabokov." His smile turned lecherous, teeth on display & glinting in the low light of the candles. He grabbed a hold of the pompom attached to Santa's hat, slowly sliding it off his bald head. Santa was left in his jolly red trousers, and a white tank top that made his muscles bulge in the best way possible, so juicy beneath the thin fabric.
Santa's hands went around his hips, squeezing and squishing all of his favourite places. He grabbed a handful of Medic's arse, hoisting his legs up until he had to wrap them around Santa's thick middle and soft belly. All those cookies made him a real beast, and just the perfect thing to cuddle with on a cold, Smissmas night.
Santa leaned in closer, brushing their noses together before he said, in a low whisper, "Your wish is my command." And then they kissed, & Medic thought he could hear Demo & Soldier's firework display starting. The living room lit up in a kaleidoscope of colours, illuminating only Medic & his Santa, & their slow, sensual kiss.
And then a door slammed shut behind them, & they heard the pitter patter of small feet carrying someone equally as small through the house. A moment later they heard a shriek from outside.
"DADDYYYYYYYY! I saw uncle Ludwig kissing SANTA CLAUS!"