Chapter Text
Kanako’s eyes flitted over the corkboard with a burning intensity. The nearby candles flickered ominously, barely providing enough light for most people to see by.
She didn’t need to use candles, of course. There were all manner of spells that provided better lighting, and also the Moriya shrine had working light bulbs.
The more traditional methods, however, had better vibes. Someone pushing their mind to the limit while sitting in a dim room in front of their research? Peak aesthetic. There were even multicolored strings connecting the information on the corkboard together, emulating her thought process.
All this, for one specific moment.
“Hey hotstuff,” Suwako pushed open the door, striding in without a care. “I heard you- what the skibidi?”
The plan was to barely acknowledge her fellow goddess, and instead draw her closer with faint mumblings about her schemes, perpetuating an ominous atmosphere. This would be contrasted with the actual content of her thoughts, and the juxtaposition would be a source of comedy.
The moment Suwako finished her sentence, though, all of that went out the window. Kanako’s entire body cringed, shattering the dramatic scene she had planned.
“W-Why would you say that!?”
The shorter goddess furrowed her eyebrows, “Did I use that word incorrectly? I heard that Usami girl Sanae’s always spending time with say it the other day.”
“There is no correct way to use it, because that word doesn’t exist.”
“What’s that got to do with anything? There’s plenty of words that aren’t real that have a proper use case! Y’know, like frindle, or speckledorfed, or morbillion!”
“...Weren’t you going to ask what I was doing?” Kanako tried.
“Oh, yeah, I was!”
…
…
Kanako turned around, glaring, but the look on her face quickly turned to befuddlement. Suwako smiled, and innocently licked the popsicle she walked in with.
“Suwako. It's winter. Why are you eating ice cream?”
“It's ‘cause I'm an adult, sweetcheeks. I can do whatever I want.” The curse goddess punctuated her declaration by flicking her tongue put, licking the entire popsicle at once. “Besides, I'm not the one sitting in front of a conspiracy board right now.”
Kanako took a deep breath. She couldn't let herself get dragged into a defensive position again. She had to salvage what was left of the mysterious atmosphere.
“The Yakumo's holiday party is happening soon.” Kanako explained, “All guests, which unfortunately includes me, are obligated to bring a gift for everyone else, to facilitate ‘Seasonal Cheer’.”
“Uh huh,” Suwako nodded, “So, this entire setup is you figuring out what to get everyone?”
“Hmph, of course not. I already have my gifts.”
The taller goddess waved her hand off to the side, and in turn a row of candles lit up, revealing a group of objects sitting on- or in one item’s case, near- a table.
It was that last thing that put Suwako on the backfoot.
“Is that a giant eyeball statue or am I smoking crack again?”
“Drugs don't work on you.” Kanako said instinctively. “And yes, that's what I'm giving Komeiji-san.”
“You’re givin’ that satori a 3 meter tall eyeball made of solid bronze. What would she even use it for?”
“Intimidation.”
“Okay, Okay… but hear me out. Why don’t you melt this thing down into sellable ingots, and get everyone a card instead?”
Kanako audibly rolled her eyes. “Please. The point is to give actually useful or sentimental things. Anyone caught gifting a mere card would be branded a spendthrift, a leech, anti-social, and worst of all, a loser.”
Suwako choked on the popsicle liquid currently in her mouth. The taller goddess, unsympathetic, continued on.
“Unlike the festivities held at the Hakurei shrine, Yakumo’s parties are explicitly for the movers and shakers of Gensokyo. Leaders of entire realms are expected to show up, and a bad gift to one of them would be tantamount to political suicide.”
“So like that Hecatia lady’s gonna show up?”
“Eugh, no. After the entire fried capellini incident she’s no longer allowed to attend.”
“Oh, that was the thing with the-”
“The reanimation spell, yes. Please don’t talk about it out loud; I’d like to keep my lunch inside my stomach.”
Noting that particular hangup for later, Suwako tore her gaze away from the all seeing eye to look at the other gifts. There was, in no particular order:
A set of oral hygiene products, lovingly arranged within a basket of purple confetti
A vacuum cleaner.
A really ornate paperweight.
A pair of crystals that practically sang with divinity.
Some sort of mechanical device.
A book with a ghost on the cover
“So I’m gonna assume…” Suwako started, “That the toothpaste and stuff is for Yukari, ‘cause I can’t imagine her breath smelling nice after months of sleep, but what’s with the vacuum cleaner?”
“That’s for the more tolerable Yakumo. It’s a high powered industrial vacuum, but with a bit of enchanting I’ve made it so that it no longer wakes up every cat within a 2 kilometer radius.”
“How thoughtful! What’s with the paperweight though? Is the yama showing up?”
“That’s a doorknob.”
Suwako looked at the paperweight again. It did have little screws on one end where you would presumably put it on a door.
“So what, this is for that backdoor goddess then? Is it just the one knob or do you have an entire set?”
“It’s only one. She’ll have to pick which of her doors to put it on, which should keep her out of my hair for at least a week.”
Suwako raised an eyebrow, “You think it’ll take her that long to come to a decision?”
“No, but she’ll want to browse through all her doors to make sure she chooses the most thematically appropriate one. There’s a lot of doors.”
“That’s diabolical.”
“It’s simply returning the favor for her gift to me last year.” Kanako retorted, “It took me approximately a week to collect those tangerines.”
“The blue ones?”
“...What do you mean, the blue ones?”
“Found a blue tangerine behind the triangle painting last month. It wasn’t cursed or anything so I planted it in the garden.”
Groaning, Kanako’s head fell into her hands. “I thought there were only the pink ones!”
Suwako was quick to hop over to her fellow goddess, consoling her with pats on the back. “Hey, hey, I could curse the doorknob, yeah? Make it so that sand appears in her clothes whenever she touches it.”
Something similar to the sound a boiling kettle makes leaked from Kanako. Uh oh- distraction time!
“Tell me about the crystals!” Suwako said, forcing a cheery tone to cover her panic, “They’re filled with faith, right? Who’s gonna get those?”
“Right.” The purple haired woman took a deep breath, and composed herself “The faith is for Yagokoro-san, as payment for services rendered.”
“Her present is you settlin’ a debt? How’s that festive?”
“She… doesn’t entirely understand the concept of the holiday spirit.”
“That’s just about the saddest thing I’ve ever heard get said…” Suwako muttered. “Wait, what is it a payment for, though?”
“Do you remember that food truck? The staff came from Eintei, because I needed some competent yet not-too-threatening employees.”
“That’s where they came from?”
“Suwako, they had rabbit ears.”
Shit.
Face flushing, the blonde moved back over to the table. The unknown mechanical device caught her eye, with it’s metallic parts put together in some seemingly arbitrary fashion.
“...So, what’s this thing, babygirl? Seems to have a lot of moving parts to it.”
“That’s a book.”
“Not the book! The other thing! What’s this machine doohickey supposed to do?”
“Good question.”
Now it was Suwako’s turn to be befuddled. “Whaddya mean, ‘good question’? Don’t you know what this thing is?”
Kanako shrugged, watching as Suwako flicked a valve open and shut. “Not really. I found it on the ground near the kappa village. It’s stable enough to carry around, but I didn’t want to mess with it in case it explodes.”
Suwako quickly placed it back onto the table.
“Who the hell are you giving that to?”
“Shinki-san. She would likely get some sort of amusement from it.”
“I- You know what, fair enough.”
“...”
“...Are you gonna explain the book, then?”
“...”
“It’s the last thi-”
“You know who the book is for. There is exactly one person anyone would gift a book of ghost puns to.”
“I was hopin’ you’d lie to me. Say anything that wouldn’t fill me with dread.”
“I needed the perfect gift, Suwako.”
“You would doom us all for the sake of jolliness?”
“This is the only way it could have ended.”
“Very well. When the sky gives way to the void, and the streets run red with viscera, and the populace tear their ears free, do not beg me for forgiveness, for it will not be given.”
“I have done exactly what needs to be done.”
A moment passes. A drop of slowly melting popsicle hits the floor.
“Anyway!” Suwako clapped, breaking the mock tension, “If you got everything all settled, come on out and relax! We can do something nice together, like start a conspiracy again!”
“Templates like that are forbidden.” Kanako said, mostly on instinct, “Besides, I still need to put the gifts into boxes. If you want to do something with me, help me pack them.”
An easy grin slid onto the blonde’s face, as she made her way to the exit. “Actually, I think I have some things to care of一”
“I’ll let you choose the wrapping paper”
Suwako turned back around “一but they can wait until later. What patterns do we have?”