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“C’mon, Janis,” Damian begs through the phone. She can imagine the expression on his face, the slight pout as he tries to convince her. “Just a couple hours. Everyone wants to see you.”
“I’m busy,” Janis says, looking at her plans for the evening – a couple bottles of beer and a puzzle she’s been putting off doing.
“No, you aren’t. You pick the bar. We all just want to hang out.” His tone makes it clear he won’t take no for an answer.
Janis can’t pretend she doesn’t miss her friends too. She’s only seen them in passing lately, and a chance to catch up would be nice. “Who is everyone?”
“Me, Cady, Gretchen, and Karen,” Damian says, voice getting more excited as he realizes he has her.
“Fine,” Janis concedes. “Give me a second to think of a place to go.”
“Score!” Damian yells. “Take your time, Gretchen hasn’t started texting me asking where we’re going yet, so you’ve got time. While you think, though, you wouldn’t believe what Greg said today –”
While Damian catches her up on the antics of his annoying coworker, Janis pins the phone between her shoulder and ear as she starts to clean up, putting the beer bottles back in the fridge and tucking the puzzle away for another day. With a last apologetic pat to the box, Janis makes her way to her room. If she’s going out, she can’t exactly wear her stained sweats and ratty t-shirt. She puts Damian on speaker and leaves her phone on the bed as she gets changed. Digging through her clothes, Janis decides on a simple patterned button up and dark wash jeans.
When Damian’s story has trailed off, Janis says, “There’s a sports bar a couple blocks from my place. Would you guys be good with meeting there?”
Does she pick it because ‘sports bar’ and ‘Regina’ are two incompatible concepts? Maybe, but that’s just her being careful.
“Yeah, text me the address and we’ll meet there. 9 good? Karen has to work late, and you know how Gretchen is.”
“Those two are joined at the hip,” Janis jokes. “It’s cute.”
There’s a pregnant pause, like Damian wants to say something but is holding himself back. Shame prickles at the back of Janis’ neck but she ignores it, shoving it down along with her sweats.
“They really are! Honestly, I’m jealous. We’re almost thirty and I haven’t found me a boo who’s that dedicated to me.”
“Well that’s because you date assholes,” Janis says, the end of her sentence coming out muffled as she pulls off the pajama shirt she threw on when she got home. “Also gross, never remind me how old we are again.”
“I’m just saying, what if all the good ones are taken?”
As he’s talking, Janis pulls her outfit on. She leaves the shirt partially unbuttoned over her bra for a second before rolling her eyes at herself and buttoning it like she normally would. There’s not going to be anyone at the bar that she cares about impressing.
“First you have to get better taste,” she jokes before saying, more genuinely, “You’ll find someone. Your perfect partner’s gotta be somewhere out there.”
“What about your perfect partner?” The question is loaded, heavy. Damian’s tone is deceptively light despite the accusation that runs through it.
He just can’t help himself, can he? The question stings in exactly the way Damian meant it to. Janis is tempted to give up on going out altogether. She stops herself though, satisfying the urge to lash out by hanging up on him.
It’s not like he’s to blame for the shitty situation she’s found herself in.
~~~~~~
Cady’s already at the bar by the time Janis arrives, always the most punctual out of the whole crew. The nerves that had been throwing a rave in the pit of Janis’ stomach dissipate at the sight of Cady’s smile when she catches sight of Janis coming through the door.
Janis weaves through the bar heading towards the table Cady has claimed. When she gets close, Cady bounds up from her seat, pulling Janis into a hug as soon as she’s close enough. Janis sinks into the embrace. A little more of the tension that’s been plaguing her leaks away. She’s missed her friends more than she thought.
“Oh, I’ve missed you,” Cady says, squeezing Janis one more time before letting her go. “It’s been way too long.”
Janis looks away from Cady’s earnest expression. “I know, I’m sorry.”
“Janis, no,” Cady says, reaching out to grab Janis’ hands. She wants to pull away for a second, a sudden reminder of how she’d been in the past, resistant to casual touches until Cady’s constant need for physical connection wore through her walls. Janis fights the reaction, making eye contact with Cady instead. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just happy to see you; it felt like I was going through withdrawals.”
Janis lets herself smile. “I missed you too.”
Satisfied, Cady steps away and sits, pulling Janis down into the seat next to her. “Now, what have you been up to?”
They start catching up, the conversation moving from topic to topic as they wait for everyone else to arrive. Damian is the next to reach the bar. He hugs both of them, whispering an apology for earlier into Janis’ hair as she buries her face in his chest. Hellos with Gretchen and Karen go similar to Cady’s, with the addition of a joyful kiss on the cheek from Karen.
It feels silly in hindsight to have been afraid of seeing her friends. They’ve been through so much together; Janis should have known they wouldn’t treat her differently. Janis relaxes into the atmosphere of the night. Damian grabs the first round, and soon they’re all talking over each other like it’s any other night out.
“Yeah, R-” Gretchen stutters about an hour later, a barely there pause as she glances at Janis. “Regina mentioned it earlier this week.”
“You can mention her name,” Janis drawls, just proud that her voice comes out steady after the way her heart skipped a beat at the sound of her name. “I won’t break.”
Collectively, the rest of the table winces, and Janis almost wishes she hadn’t said anything.
“We just –” Cady looks at her, eyes big and sad. “We don’t want to make you uncomfortable. We know things are…”
“Weird,” Damian finishes when Cady doesn’t quite know what to say.
“Well, from here on you have a green light,” Janis jokes, forced and filled with cheer she doesn’t feel.
She takes a large gulp of beer as Gretchen continues her story, trying to wash down the acidic taste at the back of her throat. She half listens to the story, taking cues from everyone else on how to react. When it’s time to get the next round, Janis switches her order to whiskey. Janis ignores the looks - pitying, worried, just plain too much - that the change in her order elicits.
~~~~~~
“Who are you looking for?” Cady asks, voice sudden in Janis’ ear.
Janis jumps, not expecting her to be so close. She looks around, but everyone else around the table is absorbed in Karen’s story about how she stumbled into a fancy corporate gala earlier that week.
“What do you mean?” Janis asks, confused. As far as she knows, she hadn’t been looking for anyone.
Cady shrugs, widening her eyes and shaking her head slightly. “I don’t know. You just keep checking the door whenever it opens.”
As if on cue, the door opens and draws Janis’ attention away from Cady. The reason hits Janis like a ton of bricks. Back before, she would always check the door to see if Regina was the one walking in.
“O-oh,” Janis says, trying to keep her voice steady as the rest of her shakes. “I hadn’t realized. The movement was probably drawing my eyes or something, sorry.”
It’s a weak excuse, but Cady accepts it anyways. She smiles softly at Janis and squeezes her forearm before turning back to the story. Her touch, comforting and grounding, lingers a moment before she fully pulls away.
Janis picked this bar specifically because it was a place Regina would never be caught dead in. But here she is, looking at the door with some sort of misplaced hope that Regina will sweep in and come over to the table, push her way into the booth to press herself too close to Janis’ side.
Fuck, this is why she shouldn’t drink. It lowers her guard, makes her want things she can’t have anymore.
As much as she’s been enjoying being out with her friends, all night Janis has had the feeling that something is slightly off. Cady’s comment and Janis’ subsequent realization bring the source of the wrongness into stark relief. Regina should be here. And more surprisingly, Janis wants her here.
Once Janis realizes what’s been missing the whole night, it’s like a floodgate has opened. Reminders of Regina appear everywhere, each one just making the ache in Janis’ chest worse.
A flash of blonde in her peripherals that turns out just to be some lumberjack looking man with exceptionally good hair. The bark of a laugh that sounds like Regina when Janis catches her off guard with a particularly good joke. The spicy bite of perfume under the smokey musk that fills the air that smells like the perfume Regina only wears when they’d go dancing.
There’s a gap in their group, negative space that everyone but Janis can ignore. She knows they’ve gotten dinner with Regina since everything went wrong. Janis wonders if Regina noticed that same space or if she’s already moved on. It aches to think about how Regina might have recovered already, about how she might not miss Janis as much as Janis pretends she doesn’t miss her.
~~~~~~
“Your turn for drinks,” Damian says, tapping the back of Janis’ hand where it rests around her glass.
She looks up from the table to see that everyone’s drinks are empty. Chugging the rest of her whiskey, she nods at Damian and stands. There’s no need to ask what everyone wants – they’ve had each other’s drink orders memorized for years. Janis is the only one changing her usual tonight.
The bar is busy when Janis walks up, but she doesn’t mind waiting. While Janis waits for the bartender to be free, a man throws himself on the barstool next to her. For a second, she’s afraid he’s going to start a conversation, but he’s on the phone, grunting harshly at whatever’s being said on the other end. She half-listens to his side of the conversation, looking around the room. He’s fighting with someone, a woman if the tinny voice Janis can just barely hear is any indication.
“I didn’t mean that,” he says. His shoulders hunch as he listens to the reply. “I just don’t think it’s the time! We have a good thing going here. Why can’t we just keep going?”
His conversation echoes a memory she’d rather not relive, but it’s all too easy to lose herself to it.
“What makes -”
“-you so sure of that?” Janis asked, hackles raised.
“Because you’re a coward , Janis ‘Imi’ike.” Regina took a trembling breath. “And you’re cruel.”
Janis tried not to flinch at the way Regina’s voice cracked on the last word. She threw up a wall instead, clenched her teeth and did what she knew she had to so she could get through to Regina .
“I’m cruel?” a forced laugh that grated against Janis’ throat. “That’s rich coming from you. Everything you’ve done, and you call me cruel?”
They never talked about their past. They had moved past it, found something new together as they grew up. So Janis’ words landed exactly as she meant them to, made Regina flinch back and stare at her with wide eyes.
Janis forced down the urge to take back the words and raised an eyebrow at Regina.
“Fuck you, Janis. Get out.”
“What?”
This was what Janis wanted – for Regina to give up on whatever idea she got into her head about them. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, that anger in Regina’s voice, the sadness.
“Get the fuck out of my apartment. You got your wish. I got the message. Just go.”
“What’ll you have?”
The deep voice snaps Janis out of the memory. The bartender looks at her expectantly as she blinks away the afterimage of Regina’s teeth bared against the tears gathering in her eyes.
The man beside her sighs, slamming his phone down, his forehead following not long after as he slumps, defeated, onto the bar. The sight of him makes something curdle in Janis’ gut, and she comes to a split second decision.
Janis lists off the drinks, leaving hers off. “I’d also like to close my tab,” she says, glancing back at the table.
Damian and Karen are joking around about something, Damian pulling faces and Karen laughing so hard she’s almost falling off her seat. Gretchen and Cady still have their heads down over Gretchen’s phone. They won’t mind if she leaves, and Janis has something to fix.
“I’m gonna go,” she says as she sets the drinks down.
“Aw, really? Why?” Karen pouts.
“Just a bit tired, sorry, guys.”
“Do you want one of us to come with you? It’s getting pretty late,” Cady offers, a wrinkle of worry between her brows.
Janis doesn’t need them tagging along. If her plan goes badly, she doesn’t want anyone else to know.
“I’ll be fine, promise. You guys have fun, okay?”
Damian looks suspicious, but he doesn’t say anything as they all hug Janis goodbye. He hugs her a bit longer than everyone else and gives her one more probing look before letting her go. She figures that he knows her well enough to tell that something’s up. She’ll probably get a call sometime tomorrow about her behavior, but for now she’s just thankful he doesn’t make her explain her sudden exit more.
~~~~~~
She was so sure of herself when she left the bar. Here, now, standing in front of Regina’s door, all that courage has deserted her. The nondescript wood looks more intimidating than it has any right to. Her hands are like lead weights, almost too heavy to move.
Janis stands there for longer than she’d like to admit. Finally she takes a step back, sitting against the wall across the hall so she can stare at the door. She figures at some point her bravery will come back, and she’ll be able to knock.
A few minutes later, Janis’ phone starts to ring. She looks at it in confusion, choking on air when she sees who’s calling. Fumbling the phone in her rush to answer, Janis almost manages to reject the call before hitting the right button and lifting the phone to her ear, hands shaking.
“H-hello?” she says carefully.
“I didn’t think you’d pick up,” Regina admits.
“I needed to talk to you,” Janis says, the fact that Regina had been the one to call her already unimportant. “But I’m not sure if I should do it drunk. I want – I want my thoughts to be clear cause it’s a lot and I’ll just say it wrong if I –”
“Janis,” Regina says, cutting off her ramble before it fully gets going.
“Sorry. It’s –” Finally realizing that it’s a bit stupid for them to be talking on the phone, Janis asks, “Uh, can you open your door?”
“What?”
“Please?”
Janis can hear Regina muttering to herself and clattering around her apartment over the line, the noises getting louder as she does what Janis asks.
“What the fuck?”
The question echoes in Janis’ ear, hearing it across the phone and from Regina herself as she looks at Janis through the doorway. All the doubts and shame and fear disappear as soon as Janis looks at Regina. It might just be drunken confidence, but she’s pretty sure everything is going to be fine. Janis hangs up the phone, hand dropping limply to the floor beside her.
“Ta-daaaa” she says, a lopsided grin on her face.
“Why are you here?” Regina asks.
She tucks her phone into her pocket, staring at Janis in confusion. Janis shrugs, the motion sending her head lolling against the wall. Janis stiffens her neck, trying to seem a bit less drunk than she is. Regina sighs, shaking her head. The confusion on her face from seeing Janis in front of her has faded into something flat and controlled. As she steps into the hall, Janis can see the barest hints of tension around her lips and eyes. She stops in front of Janis, studying her for a moment before holding a hand out for Janis to take.
Eyes glued to Regina’s face, Janis takes the offered hand, breath rushing out of her as she’s pulled off the floor. Regina drops her hand as soon as she’s standing. Janis tries not to pout at the loss.
Regina ushers her into the apartment. She smells like the lavender laundry detergent she uses on her sheets, like quiet morning tangled together where they both stay in bed until the last possible moment.
(God, they had been so co-dependent. Their lives were so intertwined that sleeping in the same bed wasn’t even that strange. They’d been dating without the label or the, well, benefits. And the second Regina tried to change that, Janis had run.)
She herds Janis onto the couch, sitting at the other end. Janis takes a deep breath, soaking in the familiar scents and letting her eyes wander. It looks the same as the last time Janis was here, and despite herself Janis relaxes into the plush cushion. Done with her perusal of the apartment, Janis turns her attention to Regina. She catches Regina staring at her; Regina looks away the second they make eye contact. Janis just keeps looking, soaking in Regina’s presence and feeling like she’ll never get enough.
Regina glances over again, huffing when she sees Janis still watching her. Janis can see the slightest blush climbing her neck and smiles to herself. When it becomes clear that Janis isn’t going to speak, Regina asks again.
“What are you doing here?”
With the whiskey’s help, all Janis can come up with is, “Wanted to see you.”
Regina looks like she doesn’t know quite how to respond to that.
“Why did you call?” Janis asks, suddenly realizing how strange that was.
“I just –” Regina shrugs. “It doesn’t matter now.”
There’s so much unsaid between them. Neither of them try to clear the air.
Regina sounds tired. Looks tired. Not the kind that comes from sleepless nights but the kind of exhaustion that’s bone deep and emotional. In the before times, Janis would reach out, pull Regina down into her chest and hold her until everything disappeared and it felt like it was only them in the world. Janis holds herself back, just barely.
But then Regina sighs, rubbing a hand down her face. There’s a slight tremor in her hand and the sight of it snaps what little self-control Janis has. She leans across the cushion between them, grabs Regina’s arm, and pulls. Regina resists for a second but gives in easy enough. Situating herself against the arm of the couch, Janis tugs until Regina’s face rests right under her chin.
Regina doesn’t bother putting up a pretense, melting against Janis’ body with a deep exhale. Her nose rubs against the skin just above Janis’ collar.
“You smell like a distillery,” she says, the barest hint of reprimand in her voice.
“Yeah? Well, you –” Janis cuts herself off, unable to say anything that isn’t ‘you smell like home.’
Regina’s apartment is spinning around them, from the alcohol and the ghosts of memories playing through Janis’ mind. She stares up at the ceiling, looking for the spot where she’d managed to splatter paint during an intense art session. They’d almost had a screaming match that day, the kind of all-in fight they hadn’t had since high school. It wasn’t a good day, but the thought of it has Janis almost smiling.
“God, I’m drunk,” she says with a light laugh, the only reason that memory could feel good .
“Do you –” Janis feels Regina tense. “Do you want to go home?”
That’s kind of the last thing Janis wants to do. They still haven’t talked, and Janis isn’t sure she’ll be able to find the courage to try again if she leaves.
“I –”
“Cause you could stay here if you want,” Regina says, the words tripping from her mouth in a mass exodus like if she didn’t get them out now she never would. “You can sleep on the couch. Or in the bed. Either one.”
Just the mention of sleeping makes Janis instantly exhausted. The idea of dragging herself back into a cab or onto the subway sounds too hard.
“You sure?” Janis makes herself ask instead of agreeing like she wants.
“Do I say things I don’t mean?” Janis smiles at the bite in Regina’s voice.
“No.”
“So?” Waiting has never been Regina’s strong suit, and an impressive amount of impatience drips from that single syllable.
“I’ll stay.”
Regina gets off the couch. Her movements are tentative, slow like she doesn’t quite want to pull away. She doesn’t look at Janis.
“I’ll get you some clothes. Come into the bedroom whenever, I’ll sleep on the couch.”
Janis sits up, exhaling heavily and realizing that her mouth is as dry as the desert. “Waterrr,” she groans, swaying her way into the kitchen. She downs a glass in a few huge gulps, refilling it to take to bed with her.
Regina has disappeared into the bathroom by the time Janis makes it into the bedroom. There’s a t-shirt and a ratty pair of novelty boxers sitting on the edge of the bed. Janis strips, tossing her clothes into a haphazard pile in the corner. The clothes Regina left for her are well worn and soft. Janis glances at the bathroom door. It’s still firmly closed, no sign of Regina emerging. Safe, Janis buries her nose in the collar of the shirt, inhaling deeply.
Janis crawls into the bed, groaning at how comfortable it is. She’s missed it. Settled, she stares up at the way the traffic from the street sends streaks of light across the walls and ceiling. The muffled sounds of Regina getting ready for bed provide the perfect white noise for Janis to start losing herself to sleep. She doesn’t let herself give in quite yet. Janis doesn’t think she’s ever slept in Regina’s bed without the woman herself being there. The idea of it is weird, makes something in Janis’ chest tight as she thinks about Regina on the couch.
Regina comes out of the bathroom, bare-faced and soft. When she looks at Janis, her eyes are full of longing. It only lasts a breath; Regina blinks and it’s like the yearning was never there.
“Stay.” It’s less of the question Janis meant for it to be and comes out more certain than she actually feels.
It’s not fair of her to ask Regina this. It doesn’t make Janis want it any less, and she doesn’t take back the question. She’s drunk. That means she can be a little weak, a little needy.
“Jay,” Regina hesitates.
“C’mon, you don’t really want to sleep on the couch, do you?”
Regina sighs, looking at the bed like she’s feeling weak too.
“I shouldn’t,” Regina grumbles to herself.
Janis knows that tone, though, and wiggles under the covers until she’s up against the wall. Regina rolls her eyes at the assumption but doesn’t refute it. She doesn’t say anything else, just climbs into the bed. There’s so much space between them; this is the first time Janis has been put out by the size of Regina’s bed. No matter how much she wants to move closer, she knows that would be pushing the boundary Regina’s set. It’s enough that Regina let her stay, that she’s sleeping in here instead of on the couch.
The room is quiet, the only noises the soft swish of the sheets as they get comfortable.
“I’m sorry,” Janis says into the darkness. Whatever happens tomorrow, she needs Regina to know that before she goes to sleep. She hears Regina’s breath catch, but that’s the only reaction Janis gets.
~~~~~~
Janis wakes slowly, groaning at the ache in her head as she blinks against the light. The familiar surroundings have her relaxing against the bed, at least until her more rational mind kicks in. She shouldn’t be in Regina’s bed, at her apartment, in her arms. If only that knowledge stopped the weight of Regina’s arm across her stomach from feeling as good as it does. One of Regina’s hands is tucked under the fabric of Janis’ t-shirt, resting against her belly as Regina spoons her. It’s a position they’ve woken up in countless times, but this is the first time it’s felt awkward to Janis.
“Fucking calm down,” Regina grunts, never a morning person. “This was your goddamn idea. Chill so I can go back to sleep.”
Regina rolls onto her back, the hold she has on Janis meaning she’s pulled over with her. Janis wiggles to get comfortable, but she doesn’t pull away. They end up even more entangled than before, Janis’ head low on Regina’s chest and Regina’s hand splayed possessively over Janis’ waist.
She’s never been able to resist being held like this.
“You let me stay last night,” Janis says instead of following Regina’s request for more sleep. The statement feels heavy, twisted with the words Janis wants to say but can’t.
Regina says, “Yeah, I did,” and it sounds like a confession.
Janis is tired of fearing this. It’s too late, anyways. Had been too late long before she tried to run from the feelings building between them.
“I missed you,” Janis says, not quite able to bring herself to look at Regina.
Part of her thinks Regina will react badly. She’s never quite gotten rid of the little voice that tells her to expect rejection. It doesn’t matter that Regina’s currently holding her, the knee-jerk flinch into thinking the worst still has her shutting her eyes as though that’ll stop the coming pain.
“I don’t think we’re very good at this whole staying away from each other thing,” Regina says quietly. It’s not a rejection. Regina isn’t pushing her away.
Two months. That’s all they had managed before they both gave in. “I don’t think we ever were.”
“Does that –” Regina takes a shaking breath, the hand on Janis’ side gripping tighter for a second before Regina catches herself and lets go. “Does that mean you’ve changed your mind?”
Regina is not someone Janis would ever describe as tentative. But that’s the only word Janis can think of for her right now. Her heart is rabbit fast under Janis’ ear, a match for the way Janis’ own beats. As much as she’s trying to hide it, Janis notices the hopeful tilt of Regina’s question.
“I’m sorry that I ran from this, from us,” Janis says instead of answering. She doesn’t do as good a job as Regina at hiding the shake in her voice. “You were right. About everything. About me being a coward.”
Even though the words come easier when she can’t see Regina’s reactions, all Janis wants is to look at her. She wants Regina to see that she’s serious about this, that she’s ready for this.
She resituates so she’s straddling Regina, looking down at her. It’s only the seriousness of the conversation that keeps Janis from feeling ridiculous. Regina looks at her with a wonder that Janis wasn’t expecting, the sight making Janis’ heart skip a beat and her breath catch. Her hair is messy, spread against her pillow. There are crease marks on her right cheek from the pillow, the skin a gentle red. A glimpse behind the curtain that not many get, and a sight Janis adores.
“I had never experienced anything like what we had before. I’m not – you know me, Regina,” Janis exhales, a sound that can barely be classified as a chuckle. “I’ve never been good at letting anyone in, but with you it was so simple. I didn’t have to think about it. I didn’t want to think about it because if I did then I’d – well, I’d react exactly like I did. You were right that we needed to talk about it, and instead of doing the right thing I ran. I’m sorry I let my issues get in the way of us.”
Janis thinks her therapist would be proud of her for laying everything out, but Janis mostly feels ill.
“Come here.”
Regina guides her back onto her chest, both arms coming around Janis to hold her close. Janis can feel her turn her head and shivers at the feeling of Regina’s nose rubbing against the tip of her ear. One hand rubs soothing circles between Janis’ shoulders while the other takes its usual place against Janis’ hip, tucked up under her shirt.
“Thank you, for apologizing. It hurt. The way you reacted.” Janis figures Regina probably finds it easier to talk when they’re not looking at each other too; the similarity, the shared nervousness, makes the corner of her lip twitch up. “You can’t do that shit again, okay? We’re adults. We need to act like it.”
Janis nods, accepting the criticism. The fact that Regina’s let her get this far is a miracle. Even though this is going better than Janis expected, she needs to be sure. “So you still want this?” The ‘want me ’ goes unsaid.
“Jay,” Regina says dryly. “You’re currently laying on my tits, and one of my hands is up your shirt. What do you think?”
Janis presses her face harder into Regina with a whine. It’s mostly an act, too much of her filled with a hopeful sort of happiness to be genuinely upset.
“I’m being vulnerable and you’re teasing me. So mean.”
Regina laughs, the sound rumbling beneath Janis’ ear. Regina cranes her neck to press a kiss to the top of Janis’ head.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
Janis is glad Regina can’t see her face with the way they’re positioned. Regina would never let her live down the way her expression goes dopey and soft at the pet name.
“Of course I still want you,” Regina says.
Janis pushes herself up, elation rushing through her. She has to pause for a moment when her hangover makes itself very present, but when the ache in her head is back to a manageable level, she leans towards Regina. She doesn’t think she’s ever wanted to kiss her more.
They should maybe talk more, but this moment is so good and bright and it’s like the world has opened up in front of her and all Janis needs is to-
“Ah, no.” Regina palms her face, pushing her away. “I’m not kissing you with morning breath. We’ve waited this long, a couple more minutes won’t kill us.”
Janis pouts, sitting back. “You don’t know that. Maybe something will happen.”
Regina smiles, her laugh echoing through the room. It really isn’t helping Janis hold herself back.
“Stop being dramatic. Plus,” her expression turns sly, the hand still under Janis’ shirt scratching lightly at her back. “The faster you brush your teeth, the faster you get what you want.”
Janis clambers off the bed, pouting when Regina giggles at the way she trips over her own feet. Regina rolls off the bed and leads them to the bathroom. Her hair is tangled and fluffy, and her sweats sag awkwardly, twisted from sleep. Janis plasters herself to Regina’s back for the last few steps into the bathroom, needing to be close.
Janis’ toothbrush is still out, resting right where she left it the last time she was here next to Regina’s. Janis shoots Regina a look, having fully expected the toothbrush to end up in the trash after their fight. Regina reads the question in Janis’ expression easily, rolling her eyes.
“Don’t be a sap. It’s not like I kept it because I hoped you’d come back. I was just too lazy to throw it out.”
Janis smiles smugly. “Sure. Cause that’s how I’d describe you, the woman pursuing a master’s degree while also working at a highly competitive law firm. Lazy.”
Regina shoves her lightly in the shoulder. She doesn’t say anything, though, because she totally knows Janis is right. Janis doesn’t tease her any further, content to smirk around the toothbrush as Regina purposefully doesn’t look at her.
The whole time they stand side by side at the sink, Janis doesn’t take her eyes off Regina. She finishes before Regina does, hopping onto the edge of the sink and staring some more. She kicks her legs against the cabinet, smiling to herself as her direct perusal makes Regina flush.
Once Regina has rinsed her mouth and patted her face dry, Janis asks, “Can we kiss now?”
“You’re ridiculous,” Regina says, shaking her head as she tries to give Janis a look.
Tries being the operative word because Janis can see the smile that Regina can’t stop, and Regina’s eyes are bright and happy and not at all annoyed with Janis’ antics.
She reaches out and snags the edge of Regina’s top, using it to yank her closer. Regina stumbles, her hands slamming down on the counter on either side of Janis’ hips and their faces mere inches from each other.
“Oops, Janis says, innocent and almost genuine. She didn’t mean to pull quite that hard, but it brought her closer to what she wants so she’s not that sorry.
“Oops,” Regina mocks, her breath warm – and minty fresh – against Janis’ lips.
She doesn’t move closer, eyes tracking over Janis’ face. Janis is done waiting, though. She cups Regina’s cheek and closes the scant distance between them. Regina’s lips are soft as they slide against her own, and she lets out a shaky sigh as Janis kisses her. Janis is instantly addicted. She loses herself in the kiss, running her hands over every part of Regina she can reach.
She doesn’t know how long it’s been when they finally pull away from each other. Janis is almost panting when Regina steps back. Her hands fall from where they were buried in Regina’s hair to rest on her shoulders, unwilling to let Regina go quite yet. Regina’s eyes are wide and dark as she looks at Janis, her lips kiss swollen and shiny.
Janis jumps off the counter, almost collapsing when pins and needles race up and down her legs from being pressed against the edge. Regina catches her around the waist, pulling her close.
“Kissing me made you that weak in the knees?” she jokes.
“Don’t let that big head get any bigger,” Janis teases. “My stupid legs are asleep from being on the counter.”
Regina ducks down and kisses her, the quick peck still sending Janis’ heart racing. “I can help with that.”
With a grunt, Regina picks her up, guiding Janis’ legs to wrap around her waist. The easy way Regina handles her has Janis flushing. The high pitched squeak she lets out as Regina lifts her only makes it worse.
“Fuck!”
Regina tilts her head to trail kisses up and down Janis’ neck as she maneuvers them back into the bedroom. Janis’ surprise quickly morphs into a warm hunger, and she wraps her arms around Regina’s waist, moaning in her ear when she nips at a particularly sensitive spot.
There’s still that part of Janis that’s scared that this will implode around them, but this, Regina, is worth any amount of future pain. Janis will do whatever she can to keep this for as long as possible. She almost lost Regina once; she’s not going to make the same mistake again.