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Jake is cute, Sunghoon had said.
I can be cuter, Sunoo proclaimed, a dive off the deep end before he could think twice.
Sunghoon remembers it clearly - how he pressed his lips together, words not quite forming in his brain as he continued to scrub at the dishes. Sunoo’s self-conscious fiddling and small I’m sorry after the fact. It was enough to make the corners of Sunghoon’s lips twitch up in bewilderment more than anything.
Whenever someone — typically Riki — brings up that moment, among the very few moments from that time of their lives that they’re willing to talk about, Sunoo only laughs, tone sheepish as his face grows red. “I understand how hyung felt when I told him that now,” he said with a hand hovering over his mouth. Sunghoon laughed along too, endlessly amused.
Heeseung nudged Sunghoon in the arm. “Did Sunoo-yah live up to that?” He asked playfully, tilting his head with inquiry. Sunghoon made a sound in lieu of a pause, thinking.
Sunghoon remembers it clearly - how he pressed his lips together, a variety of words forming in his brain that he never quite acknowledges until the clock strikes past midnight. Sunoo’s bright, causal confidence and easy independence, looking at things head-on. It was more than enough to make his lips melt into a smile, against his accord.
“Sunoo still has some work to do,” Sunghoon hummed, and it sent the group into another round of laughter, eliciting a sound of indignation from the boy in question. Sunghoon simply laughed along, swallowing everything else down.
Truth be told, Kim Sunoo has done all the work and does overtime, running laps in Sunghoon’s consciousness. Sunghoon wishes that the boy would call off, just once. He lies in Jay’s bed in Jay’s room, head too heavy with his thoughts, and stomach too full with butterflies to make the journey back to his bed. He lies there and lets himself think about fox-like eyes, wispy eyelashes, a perfectly sloped nose, pink-red lips, and everything that comes with it.
He doesn’t know how long he laid there for, face buried into the pillow, or if he even drifted off at all, unconsciousness tucking him in for temporary goodnights. The only mark of the passage of time is when someone comes up to the side of the bunk.
Sunghoon blurrily opened his eyes, ready to fend for himself before Jay would try and shove him off the bed, assault of both the physical and verbal variety. He reaches one hand out, ready for the battle, before pausing as his eyes adjust to the contrasting darkness of the room and the light that slips through the cracked open door.
“Were you sleeping?” It’s Sunoo’s voice that comes increasingly close to his ears, face level with Sunghoon. The light exposes smooth honey-dew skin and illuminates his eyes. Like an angel that just descended. Sunghoon lets himself stare, sleepiness merely an excuse.
“No. I was dead, actually,” Sunghoon finds it in him to quip back, voice hoarse from disuse. The light reveals the roll of Sunoo’s eyes, and even now Sunghoon feels himself smile at the reaction. “What time is it? Why’re you up? Shouldn’t you be in your dorm?”
“Past one, maybe,” Sunoo shrugs, “Hyung, do you wanna bake some cookies?”
Sunghoon blinks a few more times through his sleep, processing the question. Of all the members, Sunoo’s definitely got the biggest sweet tooth, eyes sparkling with excitement when in the vicinity of mint chocolate chip anything, much to the rest of the group’s dismay.
The point is, it’s not too surprising that Sunoo would be craving a sweet treat, especially at this hour. However—
“You don’t even know how to bake,” Sunghoon’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, closing his eyes and settling his head onto the pillow underneath him. Sunoo hums, undeterred.
“Well, now’s a good time to learn. And you’re gonna learn with me.”
“If I don’t have a choice, then why’re you even asking?”
“I figured it might be more polite since you're sleeping.”
Sunghoon groans, but it’s more for show than out of actual disgruntlement. He opens his eyes, and it’s not until he’s done it that he realizes it was a huge mistake.
Sunoo hovers over him, eyes still reflective in the sliver of light, practically begging him to say yes. His lips, smoothed with chapstick are turned up right ever so slightly. His hair is artfully, effortlessly messy, but simultaneously perfect. Truly, truly, an angel that has descended to earth. An angel that chose him, out of all human beings, to bother about baking cookies at this late hour.
Who is Sunghoon to say no? Not that he could, even if he tried.
So that’s how Sunghoon finds himself in the kitchen of his dorm, adorned in the worn-out clothes of a long day, and in one of Jay’s ridiculous aprons that he actually picks out himself — Mr. Good Lookin’ is Cookin’ plastered abrasively across his chest. Sunoo is dressed similarly, with a full body apron, pink and red with cursive Kiss the Chef written across his chest. Interestingly, and unsurprisingly enough, the get-up on Sunoo doesn’t make him want to roll his eyes. He looks cute.
(He always does, doesn’t he? God.)
With an iPad in front of them and a recipe that Sunoo found after 10 minutes of Naver searching, they got to work, Sunoo bustling around the area with quiet satisfaction. Sunghoon’s brain barely follows along with the instructions, still primarily sleep-ridden, clumsily cracking 2 eggs before pouring milk into a bowl and whisking them together. Yet his subconscious remains hyper-aware of Sunoo’s waxing and waning proximity as he goes into this cabinet to find this ingredient, and the fridge to get that ingredient, and when he stands right next to Sunghoon, shoulders brushing as he looks intently at the iPad because wait, we were supposed to do this part first.
And all the while, he hums a tune under his breath, his voice soft and sweet like it is most of the time.
The cookie making itself is… well. Sunghoon’s just here for the ride. And Sunoo never claimed to be an expert.
“Wait—” Sunoo says, as Sunghoon pours a cup — or rather, a cup and then a generous amount of some — of baking soda into the cookie batter. Sunghoon pauses as the remaining smithereens slowly make their way past the edge of the cup, eyes shifting.
“What?”
“That was way too much,” Sunoo sighs a bit, and Sunghoon shrugs.
“Are the cookies gonna explode? That’ll be cool. Maybe I’ll explode.”
“Baking powder isn’t an explosive,” Sunoo laughs incredulously, slapping his arm. Sunghoon finds himself smiling too, being the cause of Sunoo’s smile.
The batter finally evolves into a dough, and they shape the cookies and place them on a baking sheet. Sunghoon takes a moment to admire their work. Evidently, the crooked edges and questionable shapes that decorate the rows aren’t a good sign of their potential to open a bakery in the distant future. Good thing Sunghoon was thinking about opening a coffee shop with Jake instead.
“These look a little fucked,” Sunghoon says, and Sunoo glances away from the oven that he set to preheat to survey their second to final product.
“That’s okay,” Sunoo says simply, “It’s about the process, isn’t it? Besides, it’s about the journey. And the cookies were made with effort and… love! Or something.”
Sunghoon snorts. “You’re so lame.” Sunoo lightly kicks him, and Sunghoon remembers to crumple dramatically, as though the boy stomped on him.
“You’re so annoying, ” Sunoo whines, snatching up the tray, and plopping the cookies into the oven. Sunghoon laughs as Sunoo sets a timer for however long the cookies are supposed to be in there. Upon short-lived reflection, Sunghoon realizes he didn’t look at the recipe not even once. There’s no telling how much of anything was in those cookies — hopefully, they’ll manage not to poison themselves.
Waiting for the cookies to bake is a quiet affair. Sunghoon chooses to sit down instead of immediately attending to the mess on the countertop. Sunoo busies himself on his phone, being sure to take a few pictures of the counter, of himself (purposely making sure to get Sunghoon slumped in the background), and just straight up taking photos of Sunghoon. Sunghoon half-assedly bats the phone away, not at all ready for a photo-op. Sunoo threatens to post it on Weverse, and Sunghoon shrugs, deciding that he’ll allow it.
“You should have whipped cream here, right? Riki likes putting whipped cream on his strawberries,” Sunoo states suddenly, dropping his phone in favor of raiding the cupboards and fridge in search of it. Sunghoon barely puts his head up to think it over. It sounds correct, so it’s probably somewhere.
Sunoo makes a sound of discovery, turning around with a tall can in his hand. “Found it,” he says, walking around the counter to be right by Sunghoon. He pops the cap off the can and holds the can above Sunghoon. Sunghoon thinks that Sunoo is going to spray it directly over his hair, before realizing that Sunoo’s expectant look indicates his intention to feed him instead. He opens his mouth with little thought, and Sunoo delivers the whipped cream with clean efficiency.
The foam is sugary in his mouth, but not sickeningly so. He watches as Sunoo sprays whipped cream into his mouth, humming in approval at the taste. He had sprayed just a bit too much, and so now a small plop of whipped cream sits at the corner of his lips, going unlicked.
There’s a feeling that grows right in the center of his chest that Sunghoon can recognize as tenderness and endearment combined. An amalgamation that he tries his best to hold back, one that he didn’t even realize he was capable of, one that is reserved specifically for a boy who stands before him, giggles as sweet as cookie batter.
Historians will say that he was delirious and insane. Sunghoon will say he agrees.
“Sunoo-yah, you have something on your face.”
“Do I?” Sunoo looks at him, still smiling, hand already reaching for the spare whipped cream sitting at the corner of his mouth.
“I’ve got it,” are his last words before Sunghoon leans in, closing their distance, and steals a kiss off Sunoo’s lips.
He leans back as soon as he makes contact, but he’s a millisecond too late, only now realizing what he has done.
Oh god. Oh. Fucking. God.
Sunoo’s expression shares the same sentiment as his brain’s expletives, eyes wide and mouth parted, bottom lip now void of whipped cream. Sunghoon feels his heart drop the same way he had dropped a stick of butter earlier, splatting onto the ground, withering away into mush. There’s a rush of emotion— of panic, of excitement, of shock, of adrenaline as he wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand to hide the shaky dance that his lips do, sifting through his emotions like flour through a flour sifter.
“All gone,” he says, so stupid. “I — I was just doing what the apron said.” So stupid.
Kiss the Chef stares at him tauntingly and smugly, like inanimate words on fabric knew that its presence wasn’t needed for Sunghoon to have the thought, the stream of thoughts, in the first place. Sunghoon feels self-consciousness creep up his shoulder, and he winces. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Sunghoon slides his eyes away from Sunoo to the counter, still adorned with bowls and half-open ingredients.
Sunoo follows Sunghoon’s gaze, before capping the whipped cream and setting it on the counter. He begins to collect the dirty bowls on the table, beginning to transfer them to the sink with a casual shrug of his shoulders. “It’s okay. You were just following instructions.” There’s no indicator of horror or disgust in his tone. Sunghoon is having trouble figuring out if this means good, bad, or worse.
Sunoo only hums as he places everything in the sink, running water over it. At that moment, the oven pings, the timer ceasing at zero.
“Cookies are done,” Sunoo says, and Sunghoon nods. Sunoo surveys him once more, before flapping his hand. “Go wash up. I’ll clean up here as I let the cookies cool down.”
“Are you sure?” Sunghoon asks, though more out of courtesy than actually wanting to clean up. To spend another second in the kitchen, standing next to Sunoo. If he does stand here any longer, he might be set a flame, either from Sunoo’s gaze, his embarrassment, or perhaps even both.
Sunoo nods, giving him a neutral, but relatively pleasant expression. “I’ll still be here.”
Sunghoon nods back, before his fingers fumble with the strings of his apron, neatly folding it and placing it on the one corner of the kitchen island that isn’t covered with flour. He makes a quiet, quick escape down the hall to his bedroom, making sure not to look back.
When he does get to his room, he quietly, carefully, closes the door behind him before leaning against it. In the solace of solitude, he allows himself a moment for the dramatics, sliding down the door to the ground, head in hands.
Idiot, idiot, idiot. Next time, Sunghoon will find the willpower to say no to Sunoo, if this is what’s going to happen. Though, that’s if Sunoo even asks him again.
With a heavy head, he wills himself to freshen up regardless. Maybe the scalding water from a hot shower can wash off the foolishness that sits like a grime on top of skin.
All the while, he thinks of the one thing that his brain had faintly registered amongst the flurry of emotions when it happened.
How sweet.
“Hyung,” Sunoo says, knocking on his door once, twice, before letting himself in. “The cookies.”
Normally, Sunghoon would be peeved at the intrusion with no warning, regardless of who’s knocking. However, it’s Sunoo, and his regular actions could presently indicate one thing — they weren’t going to address the kiss. Okay. Sunghoon can work with that. Acting normal. He’s the most normal person to grace this earth. He’s got it.
“What about them?” Sunghoon says from the bathroom, voice casual and calm, a contrast to the furrow in his eyebrows in his reflection in the mirror. He is normal.
“They turned out pretty good. Do you want to taste?” Sunoo’s voice comes closer, indicating that he’s at the doorway of the bathroom.
Before he can think better of it, Sunghoon cracks his neck in Sunoo’s direction, sticking out a hand in one swift motion. “Stay back.”
Sunoo stops and blinks, cookie in hand, confused. “Um,” he says, trailing off after the syllable. Sunghoon blinks and realizes what he’s doing is. Well. Not normal.
“Sorry,” Sunghoon shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “I… I don’t like bringing food into the bathroom. You know,” Sunghoon vaguely gestures to the space where they stand. “Bathroom air.”
“Bathroom air,” Sunoo repeats, and Sunghoon nods. At least, it’s not like it was a complete, flimsy excuse. He does take that very seriously, thank you very much. Sunoo thoughtfully pursues his lips before shrugging. “Fair enough.”
He wraps the cookie in the paper towel he used to hold it and sets it down on the nightstand by Sunghoon’s bed. It takes more willpower than Sunghoon would like to admit to not slam his head into the porcelain of the sink, but he doesn’t nonetheless. Sunoo returns soon after his minor dilemma, stepping into the bathroom cookie-free.
“How are you feeling, hyung?” Sunoo says conversationally, joining Sunghoon in front of the sink to face the mirror. They make eye contact in the reflection, and Sunghoon immediately looks away, unsure where Sunoo is headed with his question.
“I’m fine.” Dying of embarrassment. “A little sleepy, maybe.” Fighting his innermost demons.
Sunoo hums, taking a steady finger to his bangs, and fixing them in the mirror. Sunghoon blinks, before asking, “What about you?”
Sunoo hums again, hands slowing as they swipe at his hair. “I’m feeling… really good actually. Optimistic.”
He’s glad that one of them is seeing a light on the other side. “That’s, um, good,” Sunghoon bumbles along, still unsure of what exactly was going on.
“Can I ask you another question?” Sunoo tilts his head in the mirror, and Sunghoon represses the urge to gulp, instead simply nodding.
“Would you do that with anyone else, hyung?”
“Uh,” Sunghoon falters. He supposes he should have expected this. Sunoo’s always been an advocate for talking things out. Talking about feelings. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop Sunghoon from playing dumb, in small hopes that maybe that’s not what Sunoo’s going for. “Do what?”
Sunoo side-eyes him carefully. “Like, if Jay hyung was wearing that apron. Would you kiss him? Or Heeseung hyung?”
“I’d rather eat charcoal than kiss Jay,” Sunghoon says matter-of-factly, unable to stop the face he pulls out of reflex. He loves Jay, yes, but not that much. “I wouldn’t kiss Heeseung either.”
“So just me?”
Sunghoon shifts his weight, keeping his gaze trained on the porcelain. He feels the heat finally rise to his face, and he’s sure that he must be a tinge pink by now. Sunghoon opens his mouth, this time knowing good and well that he can’t snatch words and stuff them back into his mouth once he’s said it. Though he supposes that amidst other things, any words he’d say now are already past the precipice, the point of no return.
“Just you. I guess… you just have that power over me.”
Sunoo stills entirely, and Sunghoon stills as well, his words hanging in the air. All he hears is a small huh, before the next events play out.
Sunghoon chances a glance at the mirror and sees it happen before he feels it. How Sunoo shifts in the mirror, bodying facing towards him, how his hands reach out, each softly but firmly taking a side of Sunghoon’s face, and how he turns his face and pulls closer and closer until their lips finally meet.
It’s a sweet and quick affair, and Sunoo’s pulling away just as fast to look at Sunghoon, but Sunghoon knows what he wants, knows what he’s looking for, and now what Sunoo is looking for. He’s finally got it right here, now in his grasp as hands move to Sunoo’s waist, firm and eager as he pulls Sunoo in closer, back for another kiss. The imprint of the taste of fresh mint toothpaste and cherry chapstick is one that makes him sigh, shoulders relaxing, weight lifted off his chest, and heart melting as Sunoo kisses him with fervor, hands now curling around the hair at the nape of Sunghoon’s neck.
They both pull away this time, both satisfied and breathless, foreheads knocking together as their breaths mingle, the only sound in the quiet atmosphere of the bathroom.
“If this is a dream, I'd better not wake up,” Sunghoon says quietly, dazed. Sunoo giggles, and from here Sunghoon can see the delicacy of his wispy eyelashes, hitting his rosy cheeks as they bunch up in amusement.
“You’ve been having too much trouble sleeping to dream anyway.”
“That’s because of you,” Sunghoon says, mind drunk and lips loose. “You make counting sheep distracting, Kim Sunoo.”
Sunoo giggles even more at the admission, seemingly pleased. “You know, I’ve been wanting to do that. Kiss you, I mean.”
“When? Since I kissed you back in the kitchen?”
“More like, since forever.”
“Forever’s a pretty long time. Did you like me that long?”
“Don’t get cocky on me,” Sunoo pulls back to hit him in the arm, the warmth of his proximity leaving Sunghoon. Sunghoon laughs before grabbing the hand that hit his arm and holding it in his own. He stares at their joint hands, allowing the moment to sink in — all that time he spent wishing for this to be real. It is real.
“You’re so shy,” Sunoo observes, and Sunghoon looks up at the words. Sunoo smiles again, rubbing his thumb against one of Sunghoon’s hands. “It’s not the same shyness you once had, like as a trainee, but different. I like it. It’s cute.”
It’s simple words, really. Yet for whatever reason, Sunghoon feels his face and body become warm all over again. Simple words, coming from Sunoo’s mouth. God, he’s just as bad as whipped cream.
“Not as cute as you,” he shoots back, bursts of courage waxing and waning. He’s already fumbled and made a fool of himself. Yet he’s still got the boy. So, full reign to be as corny as he feels, as he wants.
Sunoo laughs, throwing his head back. It’s honestly not that funny, what he said, but Sunghoon finds himself laughing too because everything is funny right now. They might even be a tad too loud right now, and Sunghoon is sure that there will be complaints in the morning. Sunghoon finds that he doesn’t care. He’s riding a high, head in cloud nine.
“It’s late,” Sunghoon observes after their laughter dies down. “We still have schedules tomorrow.”
Sunoo tugs on his hand in response, pulling him towards the door of the bathroom. “Let’s go sleep then. Think you’ll be able to?”
Sunghoon feels his face heat again. What is he, an inexperienced virgin? (No, don’t answer that.) “You mean like, together?”
“Yes. Actual sleep. Closing your eyes and all that jazz,” Sunoo’s easy smile slips into a knowing smirk.
“Yes. Right,” Sunghoon says, letting himself be tugged along.
Sunoo leads them right to Sunghoon’s bedroom, just as spotless as he had left it this morning. Sunghoon has never been a particularly messy person, always keeping up with tidying up when he can. It’s at this moment that he’s extremely glad that he’s kept up the habit. Sunoo moves through the room with ease and flops onto Sunghoon’s bed with a sigh.
“Your bed is so comfy,” Sunoo sighs, rolling to the side to make room.
“Is it because it’s actually comfy, or because it’s my bed?” Sunghoon quips, being all too familiar with this game. Sunoo just giggles, pulling himself underneath the sheets. Sunghoon wastes no time joining him. When he’s settled in on his back, Sunoo shifts closer, intertwining their hands and shifting to his side to face Sunghoon.
“Good?” Sunoo asks, voice barely above a whisper now. He already sounds halfway asleep, eyes half closed and hair tousled, falling onto the pillow. Sunghoon feels his heart squeeze, almost overwhelmed with the type of emotions that only Sunoo has been able to invoke in him.
Sunghoon swallows and nods. He’s not sure if Sunoo can see it, so he remembers his voice, and then something else. “Wait.”
Sunoo hums, lifting his head in questioning. Sunghoon lifts his head, before quickly closing in. Their noses bump in the dark, before their lips meet once more, another short chaste kiss. Sunghoon has already begun the process of committing this feeling to his memory, making sure that he won’t ever forget.
They part, and both their heads hit the pillow at the same time. They make eye contact before they giggle again. And Sunghoon feels his heart squeeze. Again.
“See you in the morning, hyung,” Sunoo says, eyes already closed.
“Goodnight, Sunoo,” Sunghoon replies softly.
Sunghoon would often be jealous of how easily Sunoo would be able to drift off — the moment his head hit a pillow, he escaped off to a dream world. Now though, Sunghoon finds himself lucky, his head on the same pillow, being able to watch the young boy’s peaceful face and hear his deep breaths. He looks so pretty like this, a prettiness he doesn’t get to see up close so often.
Before he realizes it, he finds his consciousness slipping away, slowly but surely. The last thing that floods his senses is the small squeeze around his hand and the warmth that floods his heart. This time, when his subconscious tucks him in, it’s for a steady, calm journey to the dreamland that often evaded him.
He’s sure that once he gets there, he’ll find Sunoo waiting for him, lips upturned and eyes alight.
A sweet dream, indeed.