Chapter Text
The mission to Eusebus is going to be a more fun mission than any Anakin had been on in a while. Every mission is enjoyable at least somewhat because it means he’s getting to help people the way he always wanted to, but that doesn’t stop him from finding this was one… Well, fun.
Because all he and Obi-Wan were sent here to do is keep the peace and make sure things stay orderly in the Galactic Game competitions being held here.
“Anakin!” a cheerful, familiar voice calls behind him suddenly and Anakin looks up to see Tru Veld approaching, along side his master.
Tru waves at him as he approached, grinning.
Anakin’s face splits in a grin. “Tru,” he calls back in greeting.
He heard Tru was on the mission and he’d been instantly excited because how couldn’t he be? Tru’s the first real friend amongst the Jedi that he’s ever made, even though it’s been five years. They may not have known each other for long but they were on a longer mission together once before and they’ve interacted a few times at the Temple ever since. But there’s never time to linger, amongst the Jedi, so any opportunity Anakin could ever find to spent with him, he’s more than overjoyed to take.
Tru’s master nods in stiff greeting to Obi-Wan and Siri – the other Jedi Knight on the same mission.
Anakin still doesn’t understand the way the older Jedi are always so distant with each other. It’s just… so different than what he was once used to.
With the masters talking amongst themselves, Tru comes over to Anakin. “I can’t decide, can you?” he says cheerfully, eyes full of eagerness.
“Decide?” Anakin repeats, a little confused and amused.
“Which Game events to attend,” he explains, “They all sound fun.”
“We are here to keep the peace,” Ferus interrupts, standing behind them – Siri’s padawan. “Not to have fun.”
Which Anakin is quite aware of but that doesn’t mean they can’t do both.
Tru just shakes his head, nudging Ferus’ shoulder “Relax. I can keep the peace and watch the Games too. Even our Masters will allow that.”
“We haven’t received our instructions,” Ferus points out.
“I am sure our instructions will be to avoid having a good time at all costs,” Tru replies in mock seriousness.
Anakin can’t help his near laugh, because Tru has a point.
Ferus just sighs. “Padawans are always trying to get me to relax. I’m just not made that way.”
Their masters come over to interrupt before either Tru or Anakin can reply.
“We’ve decided that you three can go off on your own for a while,” Obi-Wan tells them, “But be sure your commlinks are functioning at all times.”
Anakin nods, before exchanging an eager glance with Tru. He hoped to get to spend time with him but he never expected to have potentially hours free to be with each other.
The people their masters are discussing the situation with keep on talking, and then one of them mentions podracing – evidently, there’s supposed to be an illegal pod race held on the outskirts of the area and they’re worried about it since it’s illegal and could cause bad publicity to the planet.
Podraces.
A word he’s heard mentioned by no one in five years, except the times he’s snuck onto the holonet to watch them.
A word out of his past, something that defined so much of his childhood before.
He can feel the sun beating down on him still, out of a memory of long ago, feel the hot sand whipping up around him. Feel the air whipping past him and the free sensation that it once gave him, the only thing that there ever was to look forward to. It was his sole connection to the idea that one day he’d fly away and be free for real.
It was the one thing that made him keep going, keep dreaming, no matter what.
And it may not have been something he got to choose but the connection it gave him, the taste of freedom, was. The knowledge that he could actually be something, that he could do something no one else could, even if he was still a slave.
But that’s quickly mingled over by the memory of Watto’s yelling, the sound of beating wings hovering over him, the – bracing to be hit for messing this up again. The face of his mother, torn with fear and –
He had been little then. He hadn’t truly thought of how much it had scared her, hurt her, but now he can’t help thinking of it. He’s far away from her and if she was hurt, he would never know and could never do anything to help her and that’s how she feels about him too now he’s certain – and also how she probably felt every time he went on one of those races and with that knowledge comes a pool of guilt.
That word carries so many memories, of things he never wants to forget and things he never wants to remember.
And there’s going to be a podrace here.
He hates how all he can feel for a desperate moment is the burning desire to get to feel that sense of freedom again.
He thought he would know what freedom meant once he was a Jedi, but he’s still drowning under questions of what it even means. Still blindly reaching for the day he’s going to know what it means to be free. Maybe he’ll never figure it out simply because he left his mother behind in slavery. How many days has she gone to sleep with nothing to eat while he has everything he needs at the Temple? Maybe that burden is why he still can’t figure out what freedom means. He doesn’t know.
The adults finish their discussion about the situation finally, though most of it goes over Anakin’s head because all he can focus on is memories. He tries to tear his mind away from it once he and the other padawans are finally excused and head off to walk through the town.
He finally has a chance to spend with Tru. He’s not going to waste it. Even if he can’t stop thinking about the podrace.
But now that he is thinking about it, walking through the streets and taking the sights in, he can’t help wondering… what if they went looking for it? It wouldn’t hurt anything. The Jedi are supposed to be keeping order and if this is illegal, the least they can do is to scout it out.
It would be easier to go alone but he never gets time to spend with a friend and Tru is the first he’s had in years.
How’s Kitster doing? Anakin still misses him. Misses the familiarity of
“It’s the perfect opportunity for us to see all sorts of beings from all over the galaxy,” Ferus says as they walk, “We should observe customs and protocol.”
He rather thinks that doesn’t have any more to do with their mission than having fun by watching the Games, but he doesn’t comment.
He’s hesitant to bring this up, knowing what it could lead back to, and knowing how much Jedi would disapprove of this – how much Obi-Wan probably would if he found out – but… “I was thinking,” Anakin says, “What if we checked out the rumors about this pod-race?”
“Those were not our instructions,” Ferus objects.
“We weren’t given any specific instructions,” he reminds.
“We aren’t here for sight-seeing.”
“The races are illegal.”
Ferus is looking at him in this way that makes Anakin just want to squirm. He thinks the other boy can sense that there’s more to it than that.
“I was hoping to see some of the other Games,” Tru interjects.
Anakin was too, but – “We can be there and back in time to see them.”
“We should be getting ourselves situated in case of disturbance. Not seeking an adventure. Our masters could call us while we’re away looking,” Ferus insists.
“Won’t our masters have to check it out at some point anyway?” Tru asks, “Why don’t we go quickly and then be back? I’m sure there’ll be plenty of customs and protocols that we can observe on the way.”
Anakin breathes out a sigh of relief at his friend’s agreement. He didn’t want this to turn into an argument. Maybe just forgetting about it would have been best, for all the memories it’s going to bring up, but it’s too late to change his mind.
There’s a tiny part of him that doesn’t want to change his mind.
Ferus still doesn’t seem happy but he doesn’t keep disputing the point as they head for the nearest transport they can find.
***
Finding the spot where the podracers are gathering is easier than Anakin thought. The Force guides him to it easily enough once he reaches deeply into it.
They make their way to hills on the outskirts of town and following the hills, Anakin eventually finds an opening to a cave, though it’s mostly grown over by thick trees and brush. He pushes them aside, already feeling numerous living beings right up ahead.
A cave mouth gapes open in front of him, the rocky walls quickly rising hundreds of meters above his head. There’s two security guards near the exit but none of them notice the three as they approach silently, staying out of sight.
They move in closer and that’s when Anakin sees it.
Podraces parked throughout various parts of the cave, of every size and description.
Just like – Tatooine.
It’s so familiar that it’s enough to take his breath away, and it feels like he’s standing somewhere in his past. It’s been so long. He doesn’t miss that life but sometimes –
Things at the Temple are so different.
He misses the companionship he had there. He misses his mother.
“We found the location,” Ferus says, “We should report it back to our masters.”
Anakin scans the group again. A couple of the racers, he recognizes. But there’s one that sticks out to him even though he doesn’t know why. The racer seems familiar. Two Aleenas are working on it – a roughly three-foot tall species.
The two working on it are squabbling, arguing about hydrospanners and which joint they’re trying to fix. They’re brothers from what Anakin can gather of their argument – Doby and Deland.
“They really don’t know what they’re doing,” Tru observes.
“No, they don’t,” Anakin agrees.
Which could easily mean ending up dead.
“Let’s fire her up!” Deland decides finally, jumping to his feet.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Anakin interjects, stepping closer.
They both stop, peering at him.
“And we should listen to you because?” Deland asks.
“Because if your engine is overheating during gear changes, the problem could be in the current filter. Have you used an impulse detector?” He hasn’t spoken of podracers in so long but it’s so familiar. He misses it as desperately as he doesn’t want it back. That doesn’t stop the whisper in his heart of how he wishes he could feel that freedom at least one more time.
“Not that it’s your business, but yes,” Doby replies, “It didn’t show anything wrong.”
“Then it’s definitely the current filter,” Anakin informs. “It’s clogged.”
“Slap it shut, you son of a durkii,” Deland warns, glaring at his brother, “This guy could be working for another Podracer. He’s just trying to spook us.”
Doby leans closer to his brother, whispering, though it’s not like Anakin can’t hear anyway. “Haven’t you noticed? He’s a Jedi.”
It was obvious enough. It’s not like he concealed his lightsaber though he would have expected the people around them to be a little more nervous at the knowledge that their race could be technically shut down if planet authorities try it.
“He’s a fraud and a fake,” Deland hisses, “Sebulba probably hired him.”
Sebubla?
Is that what they think?
Anakin remembers the Dug far too well and – He never thought of him much anymore but he’s not surprised to hear that he’s still racing.
“How do you know so much about podracers?” Tru asks him in a whisper, “I never read about those in the manuals.”
It’s not something Anakin really talks about. He used to want to but his past wasn’t something he was supposed to talk about it and eventually it hurt too much. And all he ever got for mentioning it was constant whispers about being different. Being lesser. There’s an instinctive part of him that braces for the mockery, even now. “Because I used to race. I built my own once.”
Tru’s eyes widen. “Oh. You mean – before? Right. You… came late.”
Anakin nods, looking away.
“Is that why you wanted to come here?” Ferus demands. “You know Jedi don’t participate in events such as this, especially not when it’s illegal.”
He’s quite aware.
It’s not as if he didn’t live under the constant knowledge that he could die in those, even if he’d known way inside that he wouldn’t. It was just a constant knowing, even if it was scary sometimes, and now he thinks it was a promise from the Force that he was sensing.
“I know,” Anakin shoots back.
“People die in these. It’s not the Jedi way to enjoy something like this,” Ferus presses.
The shame burns tight and wild in his chest.
He’ll never be a good enough Jedi, will he? Always wanting things that he shouldn’t and he doesn’t know how to make it go away.
“We aren’t here to watch the race. Just to check it out, remember?” Tru reminds Ferus for him.
Anakin’s about to back away and agree that they should just leave but then the Aleenas try firing up their engine, only for the engines to promptly blow up. The force of it throws the two brothers to the ground and Anakin darts forward to flip it off before they get hurt.
“You were right!” Doby exclaims, a bit scandalized.
“Lucky guess,” Deland grumbles, stumbling back to his feet.
Finally, it clicks in his head why the two look so familiar. “Are you to related to Ratts Tyerell?” Anakin asks, “I think I recognize this podracer.” He saw it on Tatooine before.
Doby nods proudly. “He was our father. he died in the great Boonta Eve Classic five years ago. Did you know him?”
He really doesn’t want to talk about this with Ferus watching. “I raced against him in that race. He was oneo f the fastest. Incredibly quick reflexes.”
He senses Doby’s wild flare of pain. “Not quick enough.”
“Lying again,” Deland accuses, eyeing Anakin, “No human can be a podracer.”
“One was,” Doby reminds, “A human child. A slave. He won his freedom and after the race, he disappeared. His name was – ”
“Anakin Skywalker,” Anakin interjects, “Pleased to meet you.”
“Now you’re a Jedi?” Doby asks disbelievingly, “And you were a slave?”
He can feel a flicker of surprise in both Tru and Ferus. They didn’t know. There’s rumors but no one really knows. He doesn’t mind talking about his past, but it’s just – A reminder to everyone of how he’s different.
“It’s a strange galaxy,” Anakin tells the brothers with a grin.
“Totally true,” Doby agrees.
“Don't want to interrupt this getting-to-know-you gush, but we have a job to do,” Deland says gruffly.
He wants to offer his help but with Ferus watching, he doesn’t…
“Thanks for the advice,” Doby says, as Anakin’s turning to go, “We have to beat Sebulba. After our father died, we had no money, so our uncle sold our sister into slavery. Djulla’s master is not Sebulba. We have to get her out of his clutches! We bet our podracer that we’d win. Sebulba’s bet Djulla’s freedom. This time, though, he’s not racing. His son Hekula is.”
And that’s what makes him freeze.
Their sister is a slave?
He can’t imagine how anyone could sell their own family member into slavery just because they needed money but he knows they may well have had little other choice.
He remembers the two blue Twi’lek girls he saw lingering around Sebulba before. He remembers seeing their misery even if he never spoke to them personally. Sebulba would be an awful master, not that any master is good.
This race has even more meaning and stakes to them than the one he was in to win his own freedom. This is for the freedom of someone in their family. And how could Anakin just walk away, knowing full well how likely it is that they’re going to lose? And if they lose this race and their pod, that’s losing pretty much all hope of ever getting her back.
“I’m sorry that your sister is a slave,” Anakin says quietly, “I can help you fix your pod.”
“Why would you do that?” Deland asks warily. “We don’t have money to pay you.”
“That’s okay. I don’t need any.”
“This isn’t our mission, Anakin,” Ferus interrupts.
He spins around. “They need our help.” He wouldn’t be outright fighting if this was a Jedi master, but Ferus is just another padawan.
“Anakin is right,” Tru says, frowning.
“We have more important matters to be dealing with right now. We shouldn’t even have come out here. What we should be doing is telling our masters and shutting this race down,” Ferus replies firmly.
The Aleenas exchange glances. “You’re here to stop the race?” Doby asks, suddenly worried.
“No,” Anakin assures, “We’re here to keep order on the planet. And… help people who need it. Like you.”
“We need to leave,” Ferus insists.
“You can leave,” Anakin points out, moving forward and crouching next to the podracer to help them. Tru comes to join him after a moment.
Doby and Deland come to keep working on it too after a moment.
Ferus stands watching, arms crossed. He looks far from happy, even while managing to keep an almost perfectly stoic expression on his face.
And Anakin doesn’t understand. These people need their help just as much as everyone else on the planet and as a Jedi, he’s just not allowed to help? That doesn’t make sense but he’s been told that so many times before. That the bigger mission matters more and the people they run into on the way who need help just don’t because –
Because they just don’t. He doesn’t get it. It’s not for him to question instructions from the Jedi, but… He’s not breaking any rules here.
And that reminds him. They’re from Tatooine. They might –
“Do you know Shmi Skywalker?” Anakin asks, a sudden desperate yearning hope blooming in his chest.
Doby shakes his head. “Mos Espa is full of beings. We don’t know them all.”
He didn’t expect anything else. Didn’t have a reason to. But that doesn’t stop the wild flare of disappointment smothering.
Tears burn his eyes uncalled for. For a moment, he almost thought he could at least hear something about his mother again. But no, of course not. She’s still as far away as she has been all this time, far out of his reach for the indefinite future. And he’ll never even know how she’s doing.
Tru catches his gaze and he frowns.
Anakin quickly turns his head away, trying to pretend to be busy.
His eyes fall on a very familiar podracer not far away instead. His old racer. “Who’s is that?” Anakin asks, trying to keep his voice even, as he points at it. He spent years building that thing and seeing it again reminds him so sharply of Mom, Qui-Gon, and Kitster. He misses all of them so much.
“Hekula’s,” Deland says, glancing at it.
It may have been repainted and remodeled a little, but still familiar. And now Sebulba has it. It makes him unreasonably angry, but also worried. Anakin built that pod to last and it seems like it has. And now it’s going to be used against the people who need his help. Another reason it’s his duty to help them.
A young Dug suddenly steps into view, glaring at them. “What are you looking at, spy?” he shouts.
Spying on the speeder Anakin built himself?
He holds back his amusement. “What I look at is not your concern.”
“When it’s my podracer, it is. Spy.”
“That’s Hekula,” warns Doby, “Be careful.”
So Anakin could have guessed already. He feels dirty in the Force, of someone who enjoys hurting others, the same way Sebulba did.
But then another Dug steps into view and Anakin stills.
It’s Sebulba himself.
But the Dug didn’t seem to recognize him. It’s almost funny.
“What are you smiling at?” Sebulba growls, “How dare you bully my son!”
“He wasn’t bullying me,” Hekula whines, “I am bullying him!”
Is that supposed to be something he’s proud of? “You were doing a very poor job of it,” Anakin tells him dryly, in Huttese.
“How dare you,” Sebulba hisses, “Prepare to die.”
Deland stands abruptly, moving to stand between them. “Who’s talking about dying?” he asks in a feigned, flippant voice, “Let’s save that for the Podrace, right Hekula? I’d worry about crashing more than spies, if I were you. I’ve seen you race.”
Hekula turns his glare on him. “You’ll choke on my dust, son of a Raft!”
Sebulba steps closer, grinning as he shoots a pointed glance at the Alaani standing a distance away, behind Anakin’s old podracer. Anakin hadn’t noticed her before but then it hits him with a sinking realization that that’s their sister. And they can’t even go talk to her because she’s a slave. She’s preparing a snack for the Dugs, while her brothers are right here and they can’t even –
He's going to be sick and he’s so angry.
And these are the people the Jedi are saying it’s not their job to help.
“I hope you’re alive to see your sister wipe the floor under our feet for the next fifty years,” Sebulba sneers, before turning away.
Deland tenses, about to pounce him.
Anakin’s this close himself.
Doby grabs Deland, yanking him back before things can escalate. “Just let them go. We’ll win this race. That’ll be our best revenge.”
Tru looks a bit taken aback at the whole interaction. “Isn’t there anything else you can do to get her back? Why do you have to do it like this?”
“We don’t have any other money,” Deland replies shortly, “And if we lose, we’ll lose any chance at getting her again.”
“You can beat him,” Anakin assures, scrambling to think of something to say, to help them, “With my help. Hekula has my old Podracer. I built it with my own hands. They may have modified it but I still know those engines. I know its weaknesses. I know how Sebulba cheats. I can help you win.”
The brothers exchange glances.
“We can’t ask you to do that,” Deland says.
“You’re not asking.”
“We can’t pay you. All our credits are tied up in the Podracer. We barely have enough to get home.”
“I don’t need credits,” Anakin promises, “And I don’t need thanks. I just need you to win.”
And he’ll be able to free another slave. That’s what matters the most. He may have wanted to have fun with Tru but well – This is more important. This is why he became a Jedi in the first place.
He tries to ignore the traitorous voice in his mind that’s whispering that these are really some of the first slaves he’s ever gotten the chance to help free.
“You were in a podracer before?” Tru asks as they work, “Weren’t you pretty young?”
Anakin shrugs. “I’ve been flying almost as long as I can remember.”
The other boy keeps throwing glances at him though, as they work.
“What?” Anakin queries finally.
“I didn’t you were a slave,” he explains, “That must have been… kind of awful.” He throws a glance at the female Alaani still standing near Sebulba.
There’s so much he could say about that. The only person he’s ever talked to really is Obi-Wan. Now’s not really the time or place. “I had it better than many,” Anakin says finally.
Tru nods and they keep on working, at least until their comms suddenly beep.
And sure enough, it’s Obi-Wan calling them because of some kind of emergency in the city.
“See? This is why I said we shouldn’t come out this far,” Ferus says coolly, “It’s going to take us a long time to get back.”
“And if we hadn’t come, who would have helped them?” Anakin demands. He’s worried, though. What if Obi-Wan’s upset about this? He didn’t exactly break a rule but it was close enough, and… His master’s definitely gonna be annoyed.
“That’s not what we came here for. This isn’t our mission. Our mission is to protect the innocent spectators in the city, not those choosing to participate in a rightfully illegal sport. There are beings who equate danger with pleasure.” Ferus gives Anakin a pointed look as he says it, a look of dark disapproval in his gaze. “It is a mistake easily made for those who do not think deeply.”
“Well, there’s such a thing as fun, Ferus,” Tru points out, “Even you have to admit it.
“Not here,” he replies coolly, turning away. “And there are other people in the town who need our help and we’re risking them by being out here.”
And by ignoring Doby and Deland, they’re risking them and their sister. Turning their back on them. But that’s not supposed to be important for some reason.
All Anakin can feel now is a wild surge of bitterness, too strong to tamp down on anymore.
“I’m sure we can get back there fast enough,” Tru interjects.
“You can take our airspeeder,” Deland offers, “You helped us. We won’t forget.”
Anakin offers him an almost shy smile. “Thank you.”
The three of them take off together, piling onto the vehicle and riding away.
Tru pokes Anakin’s arm, as they’re driving. “Who’s Shmi?”
Pain lances sharply through his heart. But he wishes Tru hadn’t asked in front of Ferus. “She’s my mother.”
“You remember her?” Tru asks, a little surprised. “Right. I keep forgetting that you came later.”
Anakin just nods. “I know most Jedi don’t.”
“I don’t remember anything before,” Tru says, shrugging a shoulder. “I’ve never really thought about it.”
“We don’t need to. It’s a distraction,” Ferus interrupts and he’s staring pointedly at Anakin. “But you still think about her.”
“What about it?” Anakin demands, because he can hardly deny it.
He’s not allowed to miss her and he knows that. He also has no idea how to stop. How is he supposed to stop loving her? How could he?
“You keep breaking the Jedi rules. And no one ever calls you out on it.”
Anakin’s jaw sets as he looks sharply at him.
He doesn’t – get it.
He tries so hard. He always does. But it’s never enough.
Ferus is good at so many things. Everyone likes him. Siri never lectures him the way Obi-Wan lectures Anakin. The Council speaks highly of him. Everything he does is always right.
Nothing Anakin does is ever enough. He’s just not good enough. All he ever gets when he tries so hard is a mocking “he’s just a slave, to his emotions. Just a slave.”
Or something just as demeaning.
And maybe that’s because that’s what the problem really is. Because he is still a slave and the burning heat of the sun against his neck and the sharp sting of Watto hitting him has permanently damaged something in him, made him incapable of ever being what the others are.
Tru shifts uncomfortably next to him, staying silent.
Anakin could argue with Ferus about it but what point would that serve? Except to prove that the other is right?
He’s still not free.
He wonders if he’ll ever know what it means.