Chapter Text
I had already known he would leave. Because hey now, this was the reason I had chosen him after all. I didn’t want him to suffer. But! I suppose I just hadn’t thought of things in the long-term.
“Wilardo,” I call out. He is looking at the grass like it’s the best thing he’s seen since movies were invented. Then again, wouldn’t it all exciting after being all shut up for so long?
“Eh?”
Without thinking, I hurry over to him—and I grip his wrist. I think I startled him. Good thing he brushes things off like that quickly.
“Do you want to live with me? I have a nice house in the woods, it’s really cute. I think you’d enjoy living there.”
“…….” He turns his face away from me. “I’m sorry, Claire.”
I wonder how long we will be able to chat. We left Sirius behind; we wanted him to be able to reminisce in peace. I couldn’t believe the mansion was gone, even after all I’d seen. I thought I was going crazy seeing its remnants in the ground.
If a common stranger me thought so, you can only imagine what Sirius is thinking. His grayish purple hair still stood out in my head, a lump, or rather a rock, between the sea of my thoughts…
“I don’t understand.” I understand. “Not even for a few days? Wilardo! There’s a whole world out there you can see with me, you know! I won’t force you there for decades, I just want to… to…”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” he says.
“I don’t think you exactly explained it to me,” I point out.
Wilardo shuffles with his feet. It strikes me as uncharacteristic. Generally, he just goes about some flow to him; I have never seen him hesitate. Once. I’ve seen him hesitate once.
“You know what this kinda curse does to you?”
“Makes it so you can’t die…?”
“No… it’s more than that. It’s changed me, Claire. I’m not like all of you. I can’t stay with you, is what I’m saying.”
“What does that even mean?” I burst out. “So what, you’ve been here hundreds of years! But reality isn’t different for both of us, is it?”
“Yeah it is.”
“I don’t get it,” I say.
“Say, Claire, what are you feeling right now?” he asks.
The question startled me. I tried to come up with a definitive answer, but there were too many things swirling around and jumping up and down in my chest…!
“Real complicated, eh?” he says.
That’s the Wilardo I know. He is so observant, nothing like me. I wonder how anyone like that would just leave me.
“Well, guess what. I’m not feeling nothing,” he says.
“Huh?” I respond without thinking. “What does that mean, that you’re emotionless?” My chest feels like it’s burning.
“No. I can feel stuff in the heat of the moment. But once everything has cooled down, it’s like I’m in a rut. It’s like there’s just empty space where my insides should be. I can barely even think sometimes; that’s how bad it feels.” Then after a pause, he adds, “All I want to do is just pass away and be done with it. And I figure it’ll just go back to that after a while… even with you.”
“…….”
Why am I so stunned? He has lived more than he should have. I think there were so many other secrets buried deep in that figure of his, but I wouldn’t have even dreamt of them. Now I’ll never know.
“Then I’ll make every moment exciting for you,” I blurt out.
“That’s not possible and you know it.”
A thick gust of wind flew against my short hair, twisting my bangs across my forehead; the frayed ends created a burning itch across my skin. I balled up my remaining fist, so tight I could feel my palm crease. Now that he has this red jewel, this red jewel that will give him his heart’s desire, has he decided it is alright to snuff me; he won’t be around to care about it anyway?
“So that’s it? After all we’ve been through—”
“Claire, it’s not like that,” he said. “Not like I hate you or anything. But I know I won’t be able to deal with this longer, knowing there’s a way out. That’s all…. I don’t even know how to do relationships anyhow. I’ve forgotten everything. I’m not a person; I’m just a thing.”
“Don’t say that about yourself!”
Upon my saying this, Wilardo suddenly cracked a little grin. I shouldn’t have pounced upon it like I did, but:
“See?! You can be happy! I’m not going to abandon you because you’ve… forgotten everything.”
“That’s a weird way to word it.”
“That was what you said, wasn’t it?”
He shrugs. I feel like mocking his gesture, but my head is spinning.
Maybe I felt he wasn’t going to leave me, but everything he was saying was opposing that belief of mine…
“It’s strange to see you so mad, Claire.”
This made me stop in my tracks.
I hadn’t even considered how I had suddenly flown into a rage, I guess. It was very unlike me, you’ll have to trust me on that.
I want to reach my hands out; maybe I would shake his collar, maybe I would envelop him in a hug. I then realize I still had my hand locked in his. Awkwardly, I pull it away, and cross my arms.
“… I’ll hang around for a bit I guess. But I know I’m too tired to enjoy it for long. Honestly, Claire, why are you so mad, though?”
“I…”
I think of how to say it. I decide there’s no smooth way to. Hey, it’s just not like me to be smooth!
“Wilardo… I want to stay with you for the rest of my life…”
Wilardo looks at me like I’ve totally lost it.
“Are you for real…?”
“You think I’m lying?” I ask.
“That’s the… the stupidest thing you could ever do. Seriously, what the hell, Claire?”
“I’m not stupid!”
“What the heck is wrong with you? Have you forgotten I almost took your own life? Do you have no sense of self-preservation?”
Now it is my turn to be stunned; I feel a little humbled after all the nagging I’ve put him through.
“What on Earth are you two arguing about?” Sirius appears out of the blue. I felt like I’ve been caught red handed for something.
“Nothing,” I say, not looking at him.
“Yup,” Wilardo affirms, and he begins to walk away.
“Hmm,” Sirius mumbles. He looks absentminded.
“Where are you going, Wilardo?” I ask.
Then he said it—rather, yelled it:
“Claire Elford, you are the craziest person I have met in my life.”
When did he move so far away from us? He couldn’t have possibly heard my question.
“I want you to remember that.”
He turned around and waved his hand, high, high in the air. He didn’t look mad. Not one bit. In fact, he was grinning, grinning big. I thought it was out of character for him. That’s how big it was.
Even after all Wilardo said to me, I felt my legs begin to chase after him…
Sirius’ bewildered face is the last thing I remember clearly. After that, my mind cuts to me sobbing, as Sirius awkwardly tried to comfort me…