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He is in Budapest, sent to find one Alfred Kralik and help him find the words to woo his lady love. It’s very romantic and Clarence is quite excited at such a seemingly simple assignment. He goes to the Matuschek store and is disappointed to find everyone’s gone home. He decides to wait awhile in the warmth (Budapest is so cold this time of year and he hadn’t brought a coat) and there stands Mr. Hugo Matuschek, pistol in hand. Shocked, Clarence wonders if this was a test – did Joseph send him here for this man instead?
He’s an older man, his mustache an impressive specimen worthy of Clarence’s contemporaries, and he is sad, lonely, and miserable this Christmas. His wife of forty years has been dallying with someone who works for Mr. Matuschek. How can this be, he’s thinking. Why would she betray me – why would anyone in my employ betray me? He thinks it is Kralik – Alfred Kralik, one of his steadiest, most loyal employees! A traitor this whole time! It is unthinkable.
And the pistol goes off, but not before Clarence has appeared and frightened the dickens out of Mr. Matuschek, whose shock forces him to point the pistol at the ground. Oops, no, not quite the ground. His foot!
In rushes Pepi – “Mr. Matuschek!” - and confusion ensues, Matuschek moaning on the floor and Clarence attempting to say it will be fine, don’t worry, imagine what it would be like without you here and aren’t you glad you didn’t commit suicide!
Joseph lets Clarence serve a few days in jail for attempted murder. Meanwhile, Mr. Matuschek recovers and despite Clarence missing the point altogether, Alfred Kralik finds true love with Klara Novak.
-
A vacation on the beach sounds like just the ticket for Roger Hobbs. He’s a tired city-dweller, tied to his desk and the minutiae of his daily existence. He’s forgotten how to love his wife and his daughters don’t know who he is to respect him. It’s a classic case, an absolute classic, and Joseph has assured Clarence that there is no danger of suicide here.
“No snowy bridges and no pistols. You’ll do fine, just get Hobbs on a vacation and all will turn out well.”
Clarence helps get the Hobbs family off to the beach, and he’s sorely tempted by the water and the summer sea breeze. He stays, just a couple of days.
Of course, he’s shocked, just shocked, when Hobbs’ daughter Katey falls for that Fabian look-alike, and poor Roger Hobbs has to spend his vacation doing everything but relaxing because he’s genuinely concerned his daughter is going to get herself in a family way before the summer’s over.
At least Peggy Hobbs was nice to talk to. A real gem, that one.
-
Buttons the Clown was a particularly interesting case. A man in disguise and on the run from authorities, who are convinced he murdered his wife. Clarence knows better, of course, because he saw the whole thing happen. It was an accident and Buttons is drowning in grief and guilt. Clarence is going to help him turn himself in, realize who he really is.
Buttons is a clown in the circus – “the greatest show on earth,” proclaim the posters - and Clarence is fascinated by the elephants and shocked to see the immodest dress of the ladies in the show, and is therefore quite distracted. It goes on for weeks but Joseph prods him, reminds him why he’s there.
Clarence tries. He trips in front of Buttons and feigns a broken ankle. He hammers his thumb while helping put up the tent at one stop. He’s considering throwing himself in front of the train when it happens – someone is really dying, and really needs a doctor, and Buttons has a chance to run, to get out of there and become someone else entirely. But he doesn’t, because there is Brad, nearly crushed and in need of a blood transfusion. (The advances in medical science! thinks nineteenth-century Clarence)
Clarence couldn’t have planned it better himself.
-
Clarence has been following Macauley Connor for the last three hours. He’d finally left Tracy’s side (and that was touch-and-go, Clarence was quite concerned clothes were about to be discarded), but he’d just gotten drunker and more ornery. Clarence finally let himself be seen – Joseph had reluctantly granted permission – and Macauley (“Mike, just call me Mike”) had been quite shocked. Chalked it up to drink in the end, as though he were always having hallucinations after a bottle or more of champagne.
“Say, little fella,” he says to Clarence at one point. “Don’t you have a go to home to?”
Oh, dear. “I told you, I’m an angel and I’m on assignment.”
“Oh oh, yes, you said. Like Liz and me. On assignment, getting the scoop. Let me get you a drink.”
“I told you, I don’t drink. And you shouldn’t, either, not anymore.” He tries to take Macauley’s glass.
“Oh no, little fella, get your own. Now, are you going to come with me? I have a story to finish. I’ll even share the byline – you’ll love it, your paper will love it, all about why the fabulously rich can’t stand to be married even though they’re desperately in love. Well. Or something. Coming?”
“Are you going to drive?”
“Oh, I can drive,” says Macauley, and falls over. Clarence, therefore, takes the wheel, and far above Joseph has put his hands over his eyes.
“Oh, C.K. Dexter Haven! C.K. Dexter HAVEN!”
“Macauley-“
“MIKE.”
“Mike, I don’t think-“
"Oh, he’s awake. C.K DEXTER HAAAAAYYYYVENNNN!”
And eventually, Dexter opens the door. “Connor. Whatever are you doing here at this hour – and who is your friend?”
It takes some explaining, or not, as Macauley has forgotten Clarence’s name and is now focused on lambasting Mr. C.K. Dexter Haven for not having the good sense God gave a goat (and here Clarence sniggers, as goats have no sense, God-given or otherwise) to see that Tracy Lord is his once and future True Love.
“That ship sailed, Connor. Why don’t you have a go?”
“Well now, that’s no way to speak of a lady!” Clarence is surprised as anyone that he’s spoken up.
And here there is a swing of a fist and Clarence is startled that there will be a brawl. He tries to hold back Macauley and gets popped in the nose for his trouble. He’s not sure what happens next, but a little while later, he’s laughing at Macauley and Dexter and holding an ice-pack to his face. There is a highball glass in his other hand – and it is empty!
Dexter is dashing out the door saying something about last-minute gestures. Macauley is limping out the door and saying he's going to find Liz. "Clarence, you coming?"
But Clarence is gone, and Macauley doesn't recall his name, or his face, after a day or two.
Joseph has summoned him home. Clarence is contrite, of course, but he points out that in the end, Connor and Haven are making amends with love and all is well that ends well. Joseph doesn't quite agree. They will have a talk about appropriate intervention and interaction, as soon as Clarence recovers, as he is nursing a black eye and, the next day, quite the hangover.
"You didn’t have to go in there, you know.”
Clarence stubbornly replies, “Well, I was defending her honor.”
-
The card reads: “Clarence Oddbody, Angel First Class, Life-Saving and True Love are My Business.”
Joseph didn’t approve that, of course. It was Clarence’s idea. “To spread good cheer, you know! How much simpler if they have this to remind them who stepped in and made it all work!”
Clarence wasn’t aware self-promotion was against the rules. He takes his probation well, all things considered.