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“What happened on that roof, Nya?” Kai’s voice cut through the silence.
Nya jumped and twirled to see her brother leaning against her open door frame. “How long have you been there?” Nya demanded.
“A few minutes,” Kai shrugged. “I came to tell you that dinner will be ready in thirty. But you didn’t respond when I knocked. I was curious how long it’d take you to notice that I was here.” Kai kicked himself off the frame and invited himself into his sister’s room, shutting the door behind him. “You’ve been off recently. Something happened.”
Nya flinched as she recalled the recent events. The events which now no longer existed. Yet they still haunted her. All her friends and family were picked off, one by one. Then Nadakhan… She shook her head. She didn’t want to think about him. Even though that was all that occupied her mind as of late.
Kai raised an eyebrow at his sister as she shook her head. He sat down beside her on the bed. “C’mon, Nya, you can talk to me,” Kai encouraged. Nya rarely ever kept secrets from him. “Something had to happen. You don’t just flip from telling Jay you’ll never date him to kissing in an instant. Now you’re… You’ve been so distant since you got with Jay. Talk to me.”
“I can’t…” Nya murmured. She decided with Jay that they wouldn’t talk to the others about the destroyed timeline. The mental scars were still too fresh for the two to discuss it. “I promised Jay I wouldn’t…” she admitted.
“Promised him?” Kai questioned. He felt anger quell in his chest, though he tried to push it down. His first inclination was to be concerned and angry on behalf of his sister. But this was also Jay, his teammate and one of his closest friends. Jay had been pushy at points but would back off whenever he was told, if only momentarily. “What did he make you promise? I swear if he said anything-”
“Not like that!” Nya interrupted. “Jay didn’t say anything bad. He actually said some good things! That’s why I’m dating him now.” She noticed Kai’s shoulders relax and sighed in relief. She didn’t need her brother to be angry at Jay over a misunderstanding. “I’ve always liked him. There were just… issues. But we worked through them, and he’s going to do better.”
Kai nodded his head in understanding. “But… why would he make you promise not to tell me?”
“He didn’t make me do anything. I was the one who suggested it. For his benefit,” Nya corrected.
“But why? I don’t understand,” Kai huffed, exasperated by the idea that his sister would be unwilling to talk to him about what got her to date someone. Samurai X he understood. But the origin story of her relationship with her boyfriend? What could have possibly happened? When could it have happened? He remembered that morning before they went to the hospital. Jay tried once again to flirt with Nya and she shot him down. There was no time that the two were alone after that. Kai couldn’t fathom what had happened.
“I don’t think you can understand,” Nya sighed. “Only Jay can.”
Oh. It came as a surprise to Kai. Nya needed someone other than him. Sometimes he forgot that his little sister wasn’t so little anymore. He knew it was inevitable. She wouldn’t rely solely on Kai her entire life. There had to be a time where Nya would need to talk to someone that wasn’t her brother. Kai was glad that it was someone he trusted as well. Though he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. Nya didn’t need Kai as much. She hadn’t in a long time. Kai pushed it aside with a sigh. “Okay, fine,” Kai relented. “But if you ever need to talk, I’m always here for you, okay?”
Nya nodded her head and sent Kai a soft smile. “Of course,” she agreed. “I’m fine, really. But I will come to you if I’m not okay.” Nya always said she’d reach out, but never would. She hated the vulnerability that came with being the first to admit that she was not okay. Nya would only speak about her issues if someone else pointed them out first or if she was pushed past her breaking point.
“You better,” Kai chuckled. He brought a hand up to Nya’s short hair and ruffled his hand through, messing up the strands. Kai grinned while Nya rolled her eyes at him. “See you at dinner,” Kai hummed as he stood up. Nya narrowed her eyes at her brother as she noticed a certain spark in Kai’s eyes. She knew the mischievous glint all too well. What did the fire ninja have planned? She didn’t want to know. Really, she just didn’t want to have her brother meddling in her business. Especially when that business was traumatic memories that were no longer a part of reality.
Nya sighed and turned back to her mirror. The mirror that seemed to consume her thoughts. She had stared for hours at her reflection and would continue for hours. Until someone interrupted her again.
-
Jay hummed as he sniffed the air. He could smell dinner cooking in the kitchen. It was Zane’s night to cook, although most nights were. The ninja had rearranged the chores so that Zane would cook the most. Kai and Cole were terrible cooks. Jay was okay, nothing crazy. He could make simple foods. Nya refused to cook all together, she had ever since she was a child. Someone had made the mistake once of calling cooking being the woman’s role when Nya was young. Not being one to do something because it was expected out of her due to her gender, Nya has refused to touch the kitchen since. Not even to cook food for herself. Although at this point not cooking for herself was more so because she didn’t know the first step to cooking. The ninja were lucky that Zane loved cooking for them. Zane knew he struggled to express his emotions, especially in a manner that could be understood by others. When he cooked, he poured all his love into the dish. With food, he could show them all how much he cared. He was more than happy to do the bulk of the cooking.
Jay stood from his desk where he was working on a model train. It had been so long since he was able to partake in any of his previous hobbies. After recent events, he decided he deserved something calming. Jay opened his door, hoping to get to dinner early and therefore sneak a larger portion before anyone noticed.
“We need to talk.”
Jay jumped back with a yelp, not expecting Kai to be right outside his door. Before Jay could process the red ninja’s presence, a hand was on his chest, shoving him back into his room. Kai stepped in as well, closing Jay’s door behind him.
“What is this about?” Jay asked nervously, taking a few more steps back. He continued backwards until his calves hit his bed and he fell back onto the plush sheets. Had Jay done something wrong? There was nothing he could think of that he did recently. Except for starting to date his sister. He knew Kai was protective over her, but Jay thought it was fine. Kai seemed fine with it. Has something changed?
“Calm down,” Kai sighed and rolled his eyes, “I’m not here to hurt you or anything.”
“Well, I’m sorry that I worry when I’m cornered with no explanation!” Jay huffed.
“I’m here to talk to you about Nya.”
Oh. Maybe Kai was mad that Jay had started dating her without Kai’s permission. Again. Jay gulped harshly. Was it always this difficult to breathe?
“Stop looking so guilty!” Kai groaned. “You didn’t do anything wrong. At least Nya says you didn’t.” Kai sighed and plopped down beside Jay on his bed. “Something’s up with her and she won’t tell me what,” he began, frowning. “I’m worried about her but when I asked she said I wouldn’t understand.”
Jay nodded and sat up, crossing his legs on the bed. When the two had agreed to keep their experience a secret, Jay worried that someone would notice. He didn’t know about what at the time. He was just worried. Jay was sure the others would’ve noticed him acting strange first, not Nya.
“She said you would get it though. I already know whatever it is, you two won’t tell me. But…” Kai hesitated. He still hated not being able to help his sister. It should be him keeping her safe. He should be comforting her. “I want you to talk to her. Make sure she’s okay. She-” Once more, Kai paused. It took her so long to notice he was there. How could she not hear him? What was it that consumed his little sister’s thoughts? “She’s been looking at her reflections a lot lately. I don’t know what’s wrong. She’s not usually this concerned with her appearance.”
Jay furrowed his eyebrows as Kai spoke. Staring at mirrors? Jay expected her to not be okay. But this was a peculiar reaction to have. Jay couldn’t recall a mirror playing significance in their adventure. All he could pin-point was when Nya was forced to wear that wedding dress. He’s sure she would have seen herself at some point. Perhaps it was a bigger deal to her than he would’ve assumed. He needed to stop assuming. He promised Nya he would listen more. She did have her autonomy taken away from her. Jay could hardly imagine how disgusting Nya must have felt as she was forced to marry an older man whom she despised.
“I’ll talk with her about it,” Jay assured. “I think I might know what it is…”
“Thanks, Buddy.” Though he was jealous to no longer be the only important person in Nya’s life, he was relieved Jay had an idea of what was wrong. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad that Nya had a boyfriend. Jay could help Nya when Kai could not. Kai didn’t have the answers to everything, and neither did Jay, but two heads were better than one. Even if those two heads were those of idiots. “Thank you for looking out for her. You better continue to keep her happy and safe,” Kai added. “I know where you live if you don’t,” he threatened with a teasing grin.
-
Nya was quiet at dinner. She had been for the past few days. So had Jay. Though his quiet was still loud, just less than usual. Tonight, however, he was taking more notice of Nya’s actions. When attention got close to her, it was like she flipped a switch. She acted completely normal and laughed along with all the jokes. Yet once there was no focus on her, she was back to her pensive expression. She made a couple glances up to Jay and each time her expression softened for a moment as they made eye contact. At least Jay was certain he was not the cause of Nya’s odd behaviors.
After the meal, Jay followed Nya down the hall to her room. “Nya, wait,” Jay called out to his girlfriend, skipping footsteps so that he could catch up to her.
The aqua ninja stopped and turned her head back towards him. “What’s up?” Nya asked with a soft smile.
“Can we talk? Like, alone?”
Nya nodded and opened her door, her smile dropping into a neutral expression, unsure of what Jay could want to talk about in privacy. She thought they had already discussed everything that was needed already. They’d already spent so many hours talking to each other through their shared trauma. They’d discussed in detail the terms of their relationship. What Nya wanted. What she would not tolerate. Jay had few conditions for their relationship, he was simply happy to be hers. He didn’t even mind when Nya warned him that she would take a while to finally say she loved him. She did love him, it was just hard for her to express that due to her upbringing. She was still scared that the moment she admitted she loved someone, they would leave. Just like her parents. Jay was fine with waiting, as long as he could still say it to her.
Jay was the opposite of Nya when proclaiming his love. His parents were overbearing with how much they told him they loved him. They must have said it hundreds of times a day. Now Jay couldn’t help but do the same to Nya. As much as he hated to admit it sometimes, Kai was right about the cherry not falling far from the blossom. Jay was a reflection of his parents. His adoptive parents. Although he did resemble his biological parents too. He shared the same humor as his mother. Though Jay would never really know that. That would require him to meet someone already long gone.
Nya sat on her bed with her back leaned against the headboard and Jay took his spot right by her side, one leg hanging off the edge. Twin sized mattresses weren’t great for holding two people. Especially two people who exercised daily and therefore were growing nice sets of muscles. The twos’ hands found each other and intertwined. Jay took a deep breath only to release it with a sigh. How was he supposed to start this conversation?
“Is something wrong?” Nya asked, giving Jay’s hand a slight squeeze.
Jay hesitated before shaking his head. Nothing was wrong with him, at least. He looked at the mirror at the wall opposite the bed. He could see their shoulders millimeters away from brushing against each other and the worry etched into Nya’s features. He turned back to his girlfriend and leaned in closer, connecting their shoulders. “Kai told me about your mirror thing.”
Nya groaned and slammed her head back against the wall behind her. “I told him that I would say something if I needed to! He always has to get involved in my business,” she huffed.
Jay chuckled softly and subtly shook his head. He knew as well as Kai that Nya would not speak about her issues voluntarily. “Mhm, but… what is it about?” Jay questioned. “Does it have something to do with…” Jay paused and glanced at the closed door. “Y’know…” The walls weren’t sound proof. Rather, they were quite thin. Jay wasn’t exactly fond of the idea of any of their team members walking by and overhearing their trauma.
“No- Well… Sorta?” Nya answered with a questioning tone, tilting her head. Her head was turned towards Jay yet she stared at the mirror out of the corner of her eyes. The water ninja sighed and rested her head on Jay’s shoulder, now turning her full attention to the reflective surface. Nya opened her mouth then closed it again.
Jay stared at her through the mirror, watching her pensive expression as the girl thought carefully of what to say. He remained silent, something historically difficult for the lightning ninja. He hated silence, but Nya told him that he needed to give her space to talk. She had experienced guys talking over her all the time, and she didn’t need that coming from her boyfriend too. So Jay kept his lips sealed, giving her the space she needed to think and speak.
“Would you still love me if I wasn’t pretty?”
The question took Jay by surprise. Her voice unusually faint and soft. If he hadn’t been watching her face, he would’ve wondered if she had even spoken at all. “Nya, you’re absolutely gorgeous, I-”
“That’s not what I asked!” Nya huffed and snatched her hand away from Jay. She lifted her head and turned her body to Jay. “Would you still love me even if I wasn’t attractive?”
Jay turned his head to her and furrowed his eyebrows. He couldn’t understand what she was asking. “Yes…” Nya scowled, apparently not taking too fondly to his hesitation. “What is this about?” Jay demanded. He as well didn’t take too fondly to her scowling at him for reasons he didn’t understand.
“I- I just-” Nya attempted and gave up with a groan. Talking about emotions was difficult. She wanted to explain it to Jay, but that took vulnerability. There was nothing Nya hated more than being vulnerable. It made her feel weak. She sighed and shut her eyes, finding it easier to express her feelings when she couldn’t see the man watching her. “I want you to want me for more than my body.”
“Nya, of course I love you for more than your looks!” Jay exclaimed. “You’re so smart, and creative! You build awesome mechs that I can’t even begin to understand! I thought my inventing skills were cool when I made the bounty fly, but you’re on a totally different level! I can only do stuff on the fly, but you! Your schematics are so detailed and thought-through! You’re always there whenever any of us need you. You’re the backbone of our team! The rest of us ninja are terrible at researching compared to you! Well, maybe not Zane but- You get my point. You’re intelligent and talented. Sure, I first liked you because you’re gorgeous, but I fell for your personality and brains.”
Nya sighed with relief as Jay rattled off on what he liked best about her. Still, she cringed as he once again brought up her looks. “Thanks…”
Jay sent her a soft smile and reached out his hand for hers again. Nya slipped her fingers between Jay’s and gave three light squeezes. A silent ‘I love you.’ It was the best the lightning ninja would get for now. But he was content with that. “Can I know why you care so much about this?” Nya’s relieved expression quickly morphed back to a scowl. “Not! Not like that- I mean, this is clearly bothering you… Kai said you were staring a lot. I just… want to better understand so I can help.”
Nya looked away, taking another moment to speak. “I… This is going to sound self-absorbed but I know I’m pretty,” Nya began. Jay nodded his head, though she was too busy staring at the sheets on her bed to notice. “Everyone always says so… Hell, I can see so myself! But… it feels like such a curse!” Nya sighed and scooted further down the bed before flopping her head down against the pillow. “The Nadakhan stuff just brought it up again, I guess.”
“He wanted me because I looked like Delara. I was pretty to him. He didn’t care about who I was, or what I wanted…” Nya scrunched up her nose, trying to will away her misty eyes. “Just like everyone else.”
Jay waited for her to continue. He waited minutes before he finally spoke up, “Everyone else?”
Nya nodded her head softly. “You’re not the first boy to flirt with me. In my village, I was every guy’s dream girl…” Nya shut her eyes as she recalled home. “But it was never for me. They wanted me for my body. None of the guys cared that I wanted to grow up to be an engineer. They just wanted the prettiest girl in the village to be on their arm… It’s not fair! Whenever girls go crazy for Kai, he gets to brag about it! But no! If I even dare to acknowledge that I’m pretty or that guys want me I’m a-” Nya growled in frustration. She sat up and threw her pillow at the mirror in one fluid motion. “I’m a slut!” Nya panted and wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s not fair! I just have to sit there and take every single guy’s harassment! If I don’t be nice: I’m a bitch! If I’m too nice: I’m a slut! If I know I’m pretty: I’m self-absorbed. If I deny it: I’m fishing for compliments!” Nya punched the bed in front of her and screamed. “Nothing is ever right!”
Jay lifted his hand to her shoulder but hesitated a few inches away from contact. Perhaps touch would not be the best in this scenario. Jay watched as her back heaved with her heavy breaths. It wasn’t until she jolted suddenly that Jay looked to the mirror to see her face. She harshly bit her lips to hide any sounds as tears streamed down her face. A lump formed in Jay’s throat at the sight. He knew he would see her cry at some point, but he wasn’t prepared for it. She was always so strong. He still struggled to see that someone as strong as Nya could be soft too. “Nya…”
“It’s not fair…” Nya sniffled. “I wish…” Again, her shoulders jolted violently with a sob. She quickly shook her head. She didn’t want to use that phrase. Nadakhan was gone, but she still did not trust that wording any more. “Sometimes I think life would be easier if I was ugly… Then guys would leave me alone… Then maybe I wouldn’t be harassed… or touched…” She knew the flip-side wasn’t much easier. Being asked out and her no’s being met with anger was not great, but neither was being asked out as a cruel joke. Yet sometimes, Nya thinks about that alternative. She could handle the idea of being seen with her as ridiculous. She’d rather take that life than this one. But at the end of the day, she knew the harassment she craved an end to would not stop. It was not about looks, but control. Pretty or not, she would always be seen as a target. All because she was a girl.
Jay sat dumbfounded. He knew he could not help. He was one man. While he would do his best to lift Nya up, protect her, and do right by her, he could not stop everything. He could not save her from the men in her past. He could not stop what she might face in the future. He felt helpless. How could he comfort her in a situation he only understood surface-deep?
“Will you love me if we never kiss again…” Again her voice came soft. She wanted to ask more, but feared it was too much for now.
“Of course,” Jay replied instantly. He had dreamed of kissing a future girlfriend ever since he was a kid. It was all he could think about. However, now he knew that he would give up all those fantasies to make Nya happy. He would give up the world for Nya. He knows that if the roles were reversed, Nya would do the same. To an outside eye, some may think he was giving up everything, but others could not see that Nya was everything. She loved him, flaws and all. Jay would give up anything for the girl who didn’t make him feel like just an annoying junkyard boy.
“Do you actually mean that?”
“I’d do anything for you, Nya. Anything. I’m going to do everything I can to make us work. Because I love you. I love you for who you are on the inside. I would fall for you a million times without ever seeing your face. I don’t need you to say ‘I love you’ back and I don’t need to kiss you a million times a day. I just need you. I want you by my side every day, and I’m willing to do anything to make that happen,” Jay promised.
Nya sniffled once more before wiping her tears away. She turned her head to look back at Jay. Jay smiled softly at her as he noticed her eyes faintly light up as they made eye contact. It was all worth it to see the love in her eyes shining at him. “Sorry I’m a mess,” Nya murmured, her voice cracking.
“I love you anyway. Mess or not.”
A soft smile finally broke its way back onto her face. She sighed, now in relief, before flopping back down. “C’mon, lay with me, ya dork.”
Jay didn’t need to be told twice before shuffling down to lay beside her. His hand automatically searched for hers before he paused. “Can… we still hold hands?” Jay questioned. As much as he adored her, no kissing could be dealt with, however, he may have some troubles with no hand holding.
“Mhm,” Nya nodded and slipped her hand into his. “At least until you get too sweaty,” She teased lightly.
Jay grinned and squeezed her hand three times. “Is cuddling also off the table or…”
Nya thought about it for a moment before shrugging. “I’ve actually never gotten the chance to cuddle anyone before so… really no past trauma there. But! Not tonight.” Nya quickly added in hopes of not getting Jay’s hopes up too much. “Maybe not even tomorrow… But at some point, yeah. We can cuddle.”
“Awesome!”
Nya giggled at Jay’s enthusiasm. She loved her dorky boyfriend. She was glad he was her first relationship. She wanted him to be her last too. Although marriage was off the table. At least for now. Especially seeing as they were still only teenagers. However, Nya didn’t want to see herself in a white dress anytime soon. Or ever again really. For now and indefinitely, a promise would be best.