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Charles couldn't help it.....
It was the day Max had left him alone in this world, they had been married at 21, he passed after 6 years together due to a terminal illness, now he lived in their shared house alone, at the age of 30, the cats were still there, Jimmy and Sassy, and now he had Leo, a little dachshund. Arthur stating it would be good if he got another pet that wasn't just the cats, since they were original Max's, that sentence had made Charles angry at first, he had promised Max he's always care for the cats. After he stopped yelling at his little brother, Arthur explained it wasn't the fact he was telling Charles to get rid of the cat's but to get a pet that would get him outside more, Charles wanted to argue more but he couldn't blame his brother's thoughts on it, Charles himself had spent several months after Max passed crying into the cat's fur, snuggled tightly in a dark blue hoodie Max aways wore around the house. so Charles after a month of thinking it over agreed and got Leo.
it had been 3 years since then, and only this year did he find himself in a new relationship, with a man named Carlos, who was 33.
Carlos was everything Max wasn't, Dark flowy hair, dark chocolate eyes, tan skin, just barely taller then Charles, and he was a Spaniard with a lot of body hair, working as a Racing Manager following his father's footsteps, and now Max, he had short blonde hair, soft blue eyes, pale skin, and was the exact same height was Charles, he was all that bit Dutch and more, he to wanted to follow his fathers dream and become a F1 driver like him, but at the age of 18 cut contact instead.
It had been 7 months since Charles got together with Carlos, truthfully he never meant to get into another relationship in his mind so soon, but while on a run with Leo, the dog had other idea's and got himself tangled in Carlos legs while Charles was taking a moment to breath, before turning around and running home, to feed the cats, and snuggle down with all of them after he made dinner, and watch one of Max and his favorite movies, before moving to bed, and seeing his husband again in his dreams, did it hurt yes, but was it getting easier as time moved, yes slowly but yes, and yet there Charles was apologizing continuously to a man that Leo had tripped.
10 minutes of more sorry's and conversation, Charles was standing there dumbfounded with a new number in both his and the man named Carlo's phone, and after that instead of running home, he ran to his brother's and proceeded to spill everything that just happened to him.
Arthur nodded, said go to dinner with the man if he wants to, but if it's still to much and he can't do it, tell the man that they can be friends, Charles swallowed his anxiety nodded and went home.
2 days later Carlos had texted him dinner ideas, Charles agreed meeting at a middle of the road, homey feeling Italian restaurant, there they talked for hours and got to know each other, Charles didn't feel like bring up max yet, there was a time and a place and now wasn't it. After the dinner and goodbyes, Charles felt himself smile again for real, and said that he'd like to try for both himself and Max. So he went on more dates with Carlo's, never being able to full bring up max, just only being able to tell Carlos, he only ever loved one other person but they weren't around anymore.
3 month into officially dating Carlo's was invited to Charles house, the cats were left to their own devices, hiding in the old gaming room where their father used to spend so much time, Charles had a hard time being in there but left the door open for the cats. Leo was a ball of energy seeing Carlos again, jumping around and barking. Charles made them dinner and they sat and watched movies, before going to bed Carlos had brought up the spare room.
"gaming room??" Carlos voice lit the air, Charles just shrugged
"yeah it used to be..." Charles moved into the bedroom, leaving Carlos to follow, him not asking anymore questions, he knew he really should say something, but everytime he opened his mouth to say Max's name, he ended in tears, was this healthy by any means NO but he just couldn't.
so more months passed, and here we are back to the 7 months, with today being a little more painful then other days, and Carlos had yet to bring up the room again. But it seems luck was not on his side as of all day's, the day of Max's passing all Charles wanted to do today was nap and cry his eyes out.
So here he was laying in bed after a nap that left him with puffy eyes, and a splitting head ache, the cats curled up around his legs, and Leo laying against Jimmy, Charles had stolen another hoodie out of max's old clothes, as he laid there watching the world outside his window pass him by, his phone muted for the day. There was a crash down stairs, this had startled Charles into sitting up and throwing himself off the bed, not caring how he looked. Dislodging his pets from their comfy spots and them getting annoyed.
Charles feet pounded on the floor as he rushed down the stairs and into the gaming room, and there standing in the room with glass on the floor was Carlos, eye's set and hard at the ground.
"Carlos?" reaching out to touch the man's shoulder, following his line of sight, there on the floor the thing that made the crash, was a picture of Max and him, a month before they found out. Charles had moved all the pictures of him and max off the walls half a year after his passing, sticking them all in the gaming room.
"when were you going to tell me?" Carlos eye's whipped to Charles, making him take a step back. Confusion raising in his throat.
"wh-what do you mean, Cheri?"
"when were you going to tell me, that you were cheating?"
"CHEATING?!?!" the word felt heavy and painful on Charles tongue.
"yes, cheating...." Carlos eyes were hard and unmoving as he stepped over the glass and around Charles.
Rushing after the man, Charles stepping on glass in his haste.
"wait Carlos, please let me expl-"
"explain what Charles, I came over to surprise you with dinner because you weren't answering me, and I gave you time and time again to tell me about the gaming room, and when I finally decided to just look because it's just a gaming room, there i find picture after picture of you and another man, was he the one you love, the one you won't tell me about, where you still seeing him behind my back because you couldn't give him up" Carlos tone was harsh, and painful. Moving to open the front door.
"please carlos, it's not what you think.." Charles begging and pleaded for Carlos to stop and listen, reaching to grab his arm, Carlos pushing him off him in his rage, sending Charles to the floor.
"I hope you both get what you deserve, god I'm so stupid, a match made in heaven you two are" and with those word and a slam of the front door, Charles was left sobbing on his entryway floor, he doesn't know how long he sat there and cried, his world was shattering around him again and no less on the day he lost max for good, pushing himself to his feet, he walked up the stairs to grab his phone. Wincing at the pain on the bottom of his feet, he must have cut them running over the glass, he ignored it leaving a small trail of blood in his wake. Slowly he grabbed his phone and dialed his brother Arthur up, as it rang, he found a broom and dust pan to rid the gaming room of glass.
the phone clicked
"Charles....?" Charles couldn't stop the tears as he sobbed out word after word, Arthur not understanding a word
"Charles, Charles breath, please just breath in and out" after a few seconds out getting his breath back, Charles tried again.
"Art, he gone.."
"Charles.. I know his gone, it's the anniversary"
"no Art... Carlos came over to surprise me with food, and he found the pictures of Max and me in the gaming room, he as-assumed I was che-cheating, and stormed out in a-a ra-age" Charles could feel the tears coming back as he dumped the glass into the trash can, and leaned down to pick up the now wrinkled picture of Max and him.
"Arthur what do I do? I just want Max back but I love Carlos so much too, it hurts so bad, I'm trying so hard" his sobs became heavy between words again.
"oh Charles, you didn't have to tell Carlos anything till you were ready, should you have been maybe a little more open about it yes, but he didn't need to know everything yet, that stuff hurts, and it was nice he wanted to surprise you even if he didn't know. What is not nice, is him pushing it and snooping when he knew you didn't wanna bring it up, no? so relax, okay Charles, I'll get ahold of Carlos" and with those words the line went dead.
all that was left were Charles sobs as he plopped himself down into Max's old racing sim, it cover in light dust from not being used in years, running his hand over the wheel, he remember all the times, he'd try to mess with max as they raced to get him to crash and he could win, Charles always told Max that in another life they were in F1 together, battling, and loving each other, and now he is sitting alone, in a dark room, crying his eyes out and grabbing one of Max's photo's off the shelf. He tears were thick and heavy as he begged someone, anyone to stop making him lose the ones he loved, His father, Jules, Max and now Carlos.
"I wish you were here you'd know what to do..." looking at the picture once more, before pulling it into his chest, and slowly oh so slowly, he fell into other dreamless sleep.
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it wasn't till he felt a warm hand hold his cheek, rubbing gentle curls under he eye that he started to open them
"oh my love" were the first words Charles heard leaving Carlos mouth, and the tears pooled his eyes again.
"I'm so so sorry, I jumped to thoughts I never should have" Carlo's dark eyes were gentle and held so much guilt as Charles launched into a hug, taking Carlos by surprise before softly resting in his hair, and scratching lightly against his scalp.
"you came back" Charles words were broken, and all he could do was feel Carlos nod against him, as he cried more.
"please Ca-Carlos, I'll explain everything j-just let me" Carlos shushed Charles back down.
"my love, your brother called me, I finally picked up after the 7th call, and let's just say he chewed me a new one.... love why did you never tell me about Max" Carlos words weren't harsh and pushy, just sad and wondering.
"because it hurt, it's been years, and it still hurt so badly, we were in this together since childhood, we met when we were so small, and he got taken from me so fast, I didn't wanna hurt, and I didn't want you to think I was using you to replace him, because Max was Max, and you were you, and I love you both, I knew I needed to tell you, I just didn't know how without breaking" Charles words must have broke something in Carlos as now he started to well up.
Carlos cupped his face and pulled Charles in, kissing him deep before backing away
"I'm so sorry Charles, I jumped to thoughts and ideas and didn't let you just explain, I said hurtful things and I hurt you as well" as if on cue, Charles feet started to hurt again, and he let out a painful noise, slowly reaching for his feet, Charles felt the small cuts all over the bottom of his feet with new and dried blood.
"let's get you cleaned up love then we can talk more"
and so here Charles was being placed gently on the couch of his living space, while Carlos went in search out the Med kit, once found Carlos sat down on the floor in front of Charles gingerly taking his feet and slowly cleaning and wrapping them up.
"How long were you married for?"
"6 years, we married at 21"
"how long did you date?"
"4 years, Max had cut contact with his father in the Netherlands at 18, and moved here in Monaco after my family offered him a place, we got together shortly after he moved"
"how long did you know each other?"
Charles signed, he knew the questions were painful but he needed to answer them for Carlos and Himself
"we met when we were 9 during Karting, Max was only 16 days older then me, we actually hated each other at first, but around the age of 13 something changed and we were never apart after that, unless his Father tried to pull shit, Merde" Charles heart hurt thinking back so fair, he doesn't remember a time Max wasn't there.
"Carlos, I do love you very much, this isn't how I wanted to say it, but I do, I wanna have a future with you, yes I once saw it was Max but hie is gone and I have to live with that, but you are here, and I don't wanna lose you too, but what you said 'a match made in heaven' that hurt because I got left behind already by so many people that went there, I don't want to be left behind again" It was Carlos turn to cry, pulling Charles into a bone crushing hug.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, I should have let you speak, I should hav shut up and held my tongue, let the hurtful words die on my tongue and let you explain, I should have understood, instead...." Carlos held onto him tighter. leaving small kisses to his temple
"just promise me that if we are going to make this work that, you'll let me explain, and I'll try to be brave and let you know sooner then later, instead of letting you falling into the deep end, no?"
All Carlos would do was nod, as they slowly moved to the kitchen to heat the food Carlos brought earlier, Charles explained that the Cats were original Max's and he promised Max to love them even after he passed, he talked about Max's love for sim racing, and how he cursed in Dutch, what their wedding was like with just Charles family and their Friends, and when they found out about his illness, and when he left Charles behind, the last time Charles saw Max's family, his Mother, Father and siblings at the Funeral, and how his father apologizing to Charles, wishing he could apologizes to his own son but never being able to now.
after that how Charles wept for weeks, how Arthur helped pick him back up, how he got Leo and ran into him, and how happy he was to meet Carlos, that he thought he couldn't love another again after Max, and yet here he was. Carlos just listened and asked small questions here and there, slowly they both grew tired, promising to clean the house in the morning, they moved upstairs and into bed with the pets. With soft kisses and more sorry's they held each other tight before falling asleep.
Charles dreamed of Max, his blonde hair and blue eyes, he looked at him, hugged him deep in his dream, then smoothly max pulled away, and handed Charles a picture, the picture that Carlos had broken, before Charles could ask what Max meant, his voice so distant like a memory spoke.
"look at the back, Mijn Schatje"
with those words Charles awoke, turning to see where he was, next to him Carlos slept, Leo Curled into a ball between them, and the cats resting above their heads, carefully Charles pulled himself out of bed, turning back to see Sassy looking at him, before nodding her head and going back to sleep, it felt like she knew as Charles glided down the stairs and into the game room, before picking up the picture in his dreams, running his finger tip over max's smiling face, before turning it over, there in Max's hand writing on the back, it read.
' Mijn Schatje, I know it will be hard when I am gone, just know I will always love you, even after I'm no longer there, and we will always have us, but live Charles, live for both of us, I love you." placing the picture back down, then and there Charles made another promise, to Live for them both, when Max would never get to, planning on hanging the picture back up later, we walked out the room.
and Charles climbed back up the stairs to his future, to someone he also loved deeply, and that will remind him it's okay, to love and miss the past too.