Work Text:
It always started like this. A smile. Then a nod. A long, brutal day of work. A pair of eyes staring deeply into hers.
A conversation.
The conversations are always what makes it worse, his heart wanting nothing more than to tell her things he’d never truly say. He doesn’t even know what to do besides smile. Smile and laugh and talk and talk and talk.
Hours always go by.
They are both always exhausted by the time they begin to talk, but it truly is never a dull moment when he’s with her. She could tell the same stories over and over and over again and he’d never get bored with them. He just loves being near her, hearing her voice, seeing her smile. Time always flies by with her there. It feels like it’s never enough.
It’s always been like this.
Since the first moment they spoke–spoke properly that is. He’s been head over heels for her ever since. She’s just too smart, too beautiful, too strong for him to even process how he got so lucky. Lucky enough to see her smile, her joys, what she’s passionate about. He gets to see the quirks in her face, her small smiles, the way her eyes light up when he remembers something important, the fire in her voice when she speaks about what she loves. It almost nauseates him with how much he loves her.
He loves her.
He would never say it outloud, purely out of his own anxieties. He doesn’t want to ruin what they have. But it pains him, everytime she looks him in the eyes, all he wants is to profess his love for her. He never considered himself such a romantic either. He just wants to buy her flowers, bring her chocolates, bring her all the little gifts she could ever possibly want and cater to her every need. Make sure she is nothing but happy and knows that without a doubt she is loved more than anything in the world. He knows she’s never had something like that. Not from her family, not from anyone else. He wants to make her happy though, happier than they ever thought they could be in this world.
But instead, he longs.
Yearning is such a horrible thing to him. For someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, restraining his emotions is just so difficult. Especially about her. He knows he doesn’t do it well, he knows he can be obvious at times, but the opportunity to see her lavender eyes soften when he compliments her on anything and everything she does it’s worth it. Though Togami is never amused.
He wouldn’t say he’s obsessed.
Many would beg to differ, he knows a few especially who would. But is it really so bad when she’s there with him through it? Again, they talk and talk and talk for hours. They are paired together on every mission for a reason too– they work together brilliantly. She does a majority of the heavy lifting, but he has been getting better at pulling his weight! She would never tell him he’s doing anything wrong though, she always just gives him a look and a soft smile, and then shakes her head to acknowledge his foolishness. He always knows too when he’s screwed up, she doesn’t mean it in a harsh way either, she finds it, in her words, silly. No amount of malice or disrespect, just some silly mistake that’s easily fixed. It isn’t as if she’s not judgemental either, she can be extremely harsh when she needs to, but with him she’s always so patient and forgiving. Though she’s always been blunt and always will be, he knows that it isn’t meant to be rude or off putting, that’s just how she is.
And he loves her.
He loves her more than anything. Since the day they met. They went through hell together, and both made it to the other side. They lost so many friends along the way but they were just so very lucky. It never really feels fair. He knows moving forwards is the best way to go about it, but he will never understand why he has to be so lucky when they couldn’t be. He’s alive. He’s happy, even. He has mild stability, at least the most amount of stability he can have in this world, and he has someone he loves more than anything in the world– the universe even. But it doesn’t feel quite fair, at least not fair enough to tell her. She lost so much, her friends, her family… It doesn’t feel fair to him to ruin what they have. He wants her to be happy. He doesn’t want to ruin it all for her.
So he longs.
That’s what he’s best at after all. Not only does he long for her, he longs for so many things. He longs for the world to be a better place, for his sister to be safe, for his friends to live long and happy lives. He is fighting to make sure it all happens, but she’s the one thing he knows he will never stop longing for.
But at least they get to be together.
Maybe not romantically. Maybe just fun platonic work partners forever and always. But that’s ok. He can live with that. As long as she’s here with him, he doesn’t care. As long as they can talk for hours, he’ll be happy. As long as they both survive, they can make the world a better place. And isn’t that the true point at the end of the day?
Fighting for the future.
Fighting for hope.