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Regulus has always loved the stars in the night sky. They’ve always comforted him. In a world of uncertainty, Regulus enjoys that no matter what takes place during the day, the stars will always be there to greet him as night falls. To remind him that the world keeps turning, each night symbolising the end of a day, and ready for a new one.
After Sirius ran away, he knew he couldn’t leave as well. It could only ever be one of them that got out. Besides, Sirius blames him. He said so himself. Sirius blamed Regulus for that night. The night when word got back to their parents that Sirius was in a relationship with another boy. Not because Regulus was the one to spill his secret, but because he did nothing to help him. He watched as their parents cast a cruciatus curse on his 15-year-old brother.
Regulus never held ill intentions towards Sirius for who he was. He was quite fond of Remus from afar. So as Sirius ran away and never looked back, it didn’t take long for Regulus to notice that he was living with the Potters. He knew it was the best option, they were a good family with a pure heart. That didn’t stop the jealousy Regulus felt whenever he saw Sirius laughing with James in the Great Hall. Sirius’ best friend, his new brother.
Regulus could see Sirius still blames him for that night and he lets him. If it meant Sirius felt a little better. So instead of trying to repair his crumbling relationship with his brother, he did everything in his power to make sure Sirius still hated him. He wanted him to hate him so that he wouldn’t try anything to save him. As children, Sirius would always take the blame in order to save Regulus from their parents, but Regulus has grown up now. If Sirius didn’t love him anymore, then he would be safe away from everything.
When the time came for Regulus to take the dark mark, he didn’t fight it. He knew from a young age that for his brother to be free there would be consequences. Regulus gladly accepted it.
Regulus noticed Sirius’ change in behaviour very quickly. He looked more paranoid, constantly scanning his surroundings, specifically around Slytherins. His company never changed though, the Marauders, they called themself. As silly as the name sounded and as annoying as their pranks may be, he knew the type of people they were. Brave, idiotic Gryffindors who always wanted to save the day. Regulus should’ve known they wouldn’t stay out of trouble for too long, and with the talk of a war brewing on the horizon, he should’ve known they’d get involved one way or another. He should’ve expected Sirius would fight back. He always did it at home so why would that change now?
Regulus had to find a new plan. Avoiding his brother and pretending to hate him along with their family wouldn’t work. Sirius was involving himself anyway.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
It didn’t take Sirius long to join the Order. It was almost as if Dumbledore was waiting for Sirius to finally crack and leave his home. Dumbledore knew the type of person he was. He was different from his family, and he was quite proud to show it. Dumbledore could use that to his advantage. Having a member of the Noble House of Black on his side? Imagine how that would look…So when Sirius was summoned into Dumbledore’s office one afternoon in 1977, he thought he had been busted for bewitching the bludges again during Slytherin's quidditch practice. Instead, he got recruited into a war. For Sirius though, this was more personal. Yeah, he thought Voldemort was an evil wizard, but really, he joined for more selfish reasons. Revenge to fight against his family. To show them that they couldn’t control him anymore. To fight against everything they stood for and everything they did to him. His parents, his cousins, and his brother. They were all equally just as guilty in his eyes.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Regulus is not exactly proud of everything he’s done as a death eater. Only a psychopath would be. Unluckily for him, it’s the only sort of people he has for company these days. He wasn’t to return to Hogwarts to complete his education. Not that it really mattered to him, he was always quite advanced with his education and wouldn’t be missing anything he didn’t already know. Yet, the thought of leaving behind his friends, Barty and Evan, was like leaving a part of his childhood. Sure, he still saw them during missions and meetings, but the three of them were no longer careless teenagers staying up late in their dorm laughing. They were still teenagers, but merely only on the outside. The war had aged them terribly. So while he isn’t proud, he can accept it. Sirius. Sirius.. Sirius... It’s all for Sirius. It won’t be for nothing. So that’s what he does. He plays the part of a death eater so well, that he can barely see the line between playing pretend, and reality. Because otherwise, what use is he to his brother if dead?
He climbs the ranks, unlike any other death eater, sucking up to the dark lord wherever he can. He does what's asked of him and doesn’t bat an eye no matter how immoral or horrific the request may be. The Dark Lord likes this. Regulus has learnt to read him like a book, it has always been a talent of his. It may not seem like it, but he loathes it. Sirius always called him a suck-up to their parents. That was completely different. He was a child who craved the love from his parents. Now, he’s an adult who craves revenge for his brother.
Regulus blames the Dark Lord for his family's actions. He knows it’s not true, but he can’t help the fiery rage that fills his chest when he’s in the man's presence. The Black family has held these views and values for generation upon generation. But it’s people like the Dark Lord who encourage it, who manipulate situations to make it seem like their hateful ways are right. That just really pisses Regulus off.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Horror is all Regulus felt when his beloved house elf got recruited for a mission by special request from the Dark Lord himself. For many years now, Kreacher has been his only friend. As much as it pained him to do so, he wouldn’t jeopardise his position in the Dark Lords ranks after so much effort. Regulus let Kreacher go.
Being a loyal house elf and a friend, Kreacher told Regulus everything. About the cave. About the locket. About the inferni. For weeks, Regulus locks himself in the Black family library. He studies and studies, tearing open books on dark magic that Regulus didn’t even know was possible. Horcruxes is the ultimate conclusion he comes to. It became all too clear, Regulus doesn’t know how it took him so long to realise. The way that the Dark Lord looks a little paler every time there’s a new meeting, the way he seems to move around less human like as the days go past, the signs had been there for months and he’d missed it. Regulus hoped he wasn’t too late.
After discovering the Dark Lord's ultimate plan, it was rather simple for Regulus to discover the Horcruxes. Tom Riddle was a very sentimental man, Regulus came to discover.
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Regulus had always been a smart boy. He aced all his exams while barely even opening a book, he never got stumped being asked a question on the spot in class. It was all too easy for him to formulate a plan, especially after waiting so long for an opportunity to take him down to make itself known.
The death eaters enjoyed something they called ‘unofficial missions’. Regulus never bothered joining in, it didn't benefit his ranks as these so-called missions weren’t planned by the dark lord himself. It was simply an excuse for death eaters to kill innocent people. Like a sick game. However, this time, as Regulus overhears that a group of death eaters would be targeting an unsuspecting muggle village, he decided to join. As the attack became bloody and violent, it was the perfect opportunity for Regulus to carry out the first step of his plan. He simply tore off a piece of his shirt and drenched the fabric in the blood of a random muggle. Leaving the fake piece of evidence behind, he knew that they would quickly discover it once belonged to him. With his body nowhere in sight, they would assume he was either taken prisoner or had bled out somewhere, alone. It was a risk, but one he was willing to take. Death eaters were quite dim, Regulus quickly discovered much to his amusement.
Regulus knew that the Dark Lord would be furious about the careless attack on the village having lost him one of his top men, and would prefer to keep the news of his unusual disappearance under wraps. The Dark Lord never wanted to show weakness, especially in a time as crucial as this.
After weeks of hiding out in a Scottish forest, living off the supplies he had packed in a bag for months using an undetectable extension charm, Regulus heard no news about his untimely death nor his disappearance. It was safe to finally fulfil his plan.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Things hadn't been going all that well at the Order. They’d never want anyone to know that. Muggle disappearances were happening on the daily, and the ministry was slowly being taken over from the inside. Order members were being killed on missions every other day, and their numbers were growing thin.
It was the summer of 1980 when Harry James Potter was born. The firstborn son of Lily and James. Sirius was over the moon with excitement. A symbol of new life during a war was just the kind of encouragement they needed. A purpose to ensure the next generation can live in a world where they aren’t scared to step outside without a wand in their hand. Sirius was happy, well as happy as one could be. If anyone were to ask Sirius about his brother, he’d say, “Who? I haven’t a brother. You’re mistaken”. Deep down he still cared, he always would. Even though it angered him to do so. He hates Regulus, yet loves him all the same.
It was the summer of 1981 when Sirius finally got an update on Regulus. Missing in action is what the order suggested. Sirius thought he must be dead. Death eaters don’t simply disappear. Regulus either died in battle, or he tried to run and they caught up. Because once you join the death eaters, the only way out is death. Everyone knew that. He didn’t need to see a body to feel his heartbreak in two for a second time. He had James, and he had Remus. His Remus. He'd go mad without him. He cried, and he cried. He cried tears for his brother whom he didn’t know he had. Remus stayed by his side the entire time. He tried his best to calm Sirius, to talk him through his grief and questions of his brother's fate. It worked sometimes. Other times it didn’t. He wishes he didn’t care about his brother, that he could just believe he’d died and move on with his life. They have more important things to face. War doesn’t take a break, and it is only getting worse.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Regulus carries out his plan flawlessly. He spent months on the run, travelling within the shadows collecting the seven Horcruxes one by one. This is the easy part. Destroying them is a whole other hurdle. Regulus knew early on, that no matter how smart he believed he was, he knew that he couldn’t possibly do this alone. He needed help. There was only one man to help Regulus for sure. Everyone knew that Dumbledore was the only man alive who knew the Dark Lord and shared equal power. Admitting he needed help from the older man was not something Regulus was able to do easily. He had always hated the man, and no, not because Regulus believed his family’s views, but because he saw the way all those years ago, how easily Dumbledore got his hands on Sirius at the first opportunity he saw. Dumbledore turned Sirius into one of his replaceable soldiers. A child in war doing his dirty work.
As he approached the Hogwarts grounds for what he realises will be his last, it was the first time he was able to tell how long it had truly been. The students have all gone home for the summer, it must be no later than July. Regulus had never seen the grounds so empty. He takes his time strolling through the corridors, not a soul in sight. The walls, full of the ghost of who he used to be. The boy who just wanted to go to class, and hang out with his friends. The boy who would hope to catch a glimpse of his brother in the busy corridors between classes to see that he was happy.
In Dumbledore’s office, Regulus gets straight to the point. He wasn't there to join the Order, and he certainly wasn’t there to join Dumbledore’s side. Carelessly, he pours out the Horcruxes onto the headmaster's desk. He noticed the way the older man’s eyes lit up. That told Regulus everything he needed to know. Dumbledore has known about the Dark Lord’s Horcruxes. For how long, Regulus doesn’t care to ask. Knowing at all and doing nothing to stop it, is long enough. Already eager to make his departure, Regulus laid out the formation of his plan. He didn’t make suggestions, ask questions or play around, he told him exactly what he was going to do and exactly what he needed from Dumbledore. The deal was made.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
The Order meetings had only gotten more sparse. Dumbledore barely shows up to the meetings these days and they’re only getting more frustrated. They’re not doing enough, Dumbledore’s not doing enough, and it’s clear to everyone that he’d been hiding something from them. They didn’t have time to mess around, not when they could lose everything overnight. They’d already sacrificed too much.
Yet one night, the wards around Godrics Hollow announce an arrival. Dumbledore appears at the door. Remus and Sirius happened to be visiting for the night, who tried to have a normal dinner with their friends and godson. Peter didn’t answer their letters as usual. The war has taken a toll on him, he barely leaves his house anymore. Sirius didn’t blame him, Peter had always been the sensitive one in the group.
As Lily put Harry to bed, Dumbledore spoke of a prophecy. Lily cried while James choked back his tears as he held her tight. Remus yelled, mad at the universe, while Sirius stood frozen in his place. It couldn’t be. How could Voldemort be after such a pure, innocent baby? How could Sirius’ family, his real family, be his prime target?
Dumbledore mentioned going into hiding, having a secret keeper and waiting the war out. Sirius wouldn’t take that, there had to be another way. Sirius refused to sit back while his friends had to be locked in a prison, with nothing more than the fear that the next knock on their door, may very well be death himself.
Sirius knew Dumbledore must know more, he was the greatest wizard of their time. Yet, he didn’t entertain them with the thought.
A once happy night, quickly turned into one they thought may very well be one of their last, all together.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
It was a week before Halloween when Dumbledore notified Regulus that the plan could officially take place. Regulus almost chuckled at the appropriate timing, yet of course, he hadn’t laughed in some time. Halloween is supposed to be a scary holiday after all. How fitting.
When Regulus first discovered that the only way to rid Horcruxes for good was to collect them and destroy them in the room with the person who created them, it stumped him. He couldn’t very well walk into Grimmauld Place during a meeting and destroy the Dark Lord. He’d have no chance in a room crawling with death eaters. So Dumbledore set up the plan, just as Regulus requested. Figure out a way to get the Dark Lord alone.
The Potter residence was where it was to happen. Dumbledore had told Regulus of course, about the prophecy threatening poor young Harry Potter. He had mentioned to Regulus about the betrayal of Peter Pettigrew that Dumbledore had discovered long ago. His heart ached for Sirius.
Dumbledore had ensured Regulus that the Potters would be hiding out at a safe house by the coast of Ireland. It would truly only be him and Voldemort. In the end.
As he entered the unfamiliar Potter residence, bag in hand that carried the end of his life, it felt all too familiar. Not because he knew them particularly well or had ever thought about being in their home, but because it had Sirius all over it. Family photos littered the walls of the living room. Regulus allowed himself to linger on one of Sirius and Remus, holding Harry. Oh, how he’d grown. Not a day went by when he didn’t think about his older brother. He frequently found himself wondering, those times in the forest, what Sirius looked like now, what he was doing after Hogwarts, what his and Lupin’s life looked like together. It hurt him that he had missed so much. Sirius was a godfather now. Yet, Sirius’ comforting laughter captured in the photographs on the wall let him know that Sirius would be okay. He was happy.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
The Order meetings had gotten grim. Even more, if it were possible. With the absence of Lily and James, people found no reason to smile. It almost felt wrong to show even an ounce of happiness in a time with so little to be happy about. Yet on that day, Dumbledore informed them that it may be their last meeting. He informs them of a plan he had to destroy Voldemort. He spared them the details, yet informed them that it would take place at the vacant Potter residence. Why that was, he wouldn’t share. It didn’t matter. All that did matter was that Dumbledore would finally take down Voldemort. Sirius found himself not even caring about how the war would end, whatever had to be done would be worth it. No matter the cost. Once the war would be over, he’d be with his true family once again.
As the meeting went on, Dumbledore informed the Order of the timeline and told them he would need backup after the plan was completed. He believed that once word travelled to the death eaters, they may arrive to retaliate. Of course, he only instructed the higher powers of the Order to join him, but with one look at Remus, he knew they both had the same idea. There was no way they’d sit out the end of the war. Dumbledore gave the select members the strict order to arrive no earlier than 1:15 am, just to be safe.
Everyone left that night with a slight pep in their step. The end is near.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Regulus never gave much thought to how he would die. Why waste your time thinking about the inevitable? It’s going to happen either way, there’s no use dwelling on it.
What he didn’t think was that his death would take place in the home of the boy who stole his brother from him.
Regulus never hated James, he was jealous. James was everything to Sirius that he couldn’t be. James was everything he wished he was. He was glad Sirius had him, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hate James at the same time.
As Regulus looked through his belongings for the last time, his fingers reached for a soft fabric at the bottom of his bag. Pulling it out, he was met with the red and gold quidditch jumper once owned by his brother, left behind in the midst of Sirius running away. He remembered the way Sirius would parade around Hogwarts in his jumper after Gryffindor won yet another game. He remembered the way Sirius would celebrate with James and receive praises from his house. He remembered the way their parents told Sirius he was a disgrace for participating in quidditch for Gryffindor. It was bad enough that he was in the house, he then just had to parade his pride for the unworthy house. Aching to feel close to his brother, the only person he’d truly loved in this cruel world, he put the jumper on.
So as he moved the furniture around, making space in the middle of the room for the inevitable fiendfyre curse he must cast on the Horcruxes, he wasted no time thinking about what could have been or what should have been. He knew this was the only option. Dumbledore only confirmed it when he went to speak to him. For Sirius, he thought.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
The clock on the wall haunted Regulus each ticking moment as he stood at the back of the room facing the front entrance of the house. The Horcruxes were displayed on the floor in front of him, and his wand was in hand. He was ready. Any minute now, the most feared dark wizard in the world would walk through the door expecting to meet the Potters, and their baby who would one day be his downfall. Only Regulus would beat Harry to it. He’ll thank him when he’s older, Regulus is sure.
Regulus swore he felt the world go dim as Voldemort approached the house. The crickets outside stopped making noise, the wind seemed to disappear altogether. As Voldemort walked through the door, his snake-like eyes met Regulu’s stone-cold ones. The sight of Voldemort’s confidence left his eyes as he scanned the objects on display at Regulus’ feet. But Regulus isn’t there to chat. He never quite liked it when the hero of the story had some long speech right before the resolution of the story. So Regulus left no time to cast the spell and disintegrate the cursed objects containing what was left of Voldemort's soul. Voldemort had become Tom Riddle once more. He had failed. His soul no longer lived inside of those objects, he was mortal once more. Weak and tired, Regulus cast one last spell on the unsuspecting wizard, and destroyed him for good, turning him to mere dust and returning him to the earth.
Regulus had done what others had failed to do. He had saved the wizarding world. He had finally returned the favour and saved his brother. Now, it was time for Regulus to rest for good.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
At 1:16 am, the Order wasted no time apparating to Godrics Hollow. Sirius and Remus wasted no time in following. Sirius was thrilled to see that Dumbledore had allowed James and Lily to join them in the celebration. He ran up to them, throwing his arms around the young family, kissing Harry on the forehead as Remus stood to the side watching with a grin on his face. Oh how Sirius missed the sight of it.
It didn’t take long for them to notice the absence of their friend in the Potters front garden. They knew that there was a traitor. They all knew that eventually it would be revealed who had betrayed them. At times, they were all suspicious of each other. They weren’t proud of it, but you could never be too sure in a time of war. Peter’s missing presence was proof of that.
As the group made their way eagerly to the front food, they were stopped by Mad Eye Moody. Confused, they questioned the senior member of the Order. Voldemort was dead, why are secrets still being kept? Sirius who had enough of all the secrecy, and from the pure adrenaline of their victory coursing through his veins, he pushed past him. Moody didn’t stop him. He only sighed in defeat.
Suddenly, Sirius forgot how to breathe.
There, in the centre of the room, was his brother. Pale, limp, and unmoving in his gryffindor jumper. His little brother. Who he vowed to protect as a child. Who he wrongly failed and spent everyday of his life thinking about. Sirius doesn’t remember exactly what happened after his world shattered around him. He does however, remember Remus’ warm embrace holding him upright, he remembered the way his throat felt like it was being clawed open from his screams. He remembered seeing James, his best friend pure of heart, walking over to his little brother, and gently covering his body with a blanket. All while the rest of the world cheered outside those four walls.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
The days blended into weeks, weeks into months, the celebrations enraged Sirius. The wizarding world may have won that night, but not Sirius. No, he had lost everything.
Collecting dust on his bedside table, sat a letter addressed to him. The night after Halloween, Dumbledore delivered it to Remus and Sirius’ shared flat. He had told them Regulus left it in his position before he’d died. Dumbledore sat in their living room with a cup of tea, explaining how Regulus was the one to orchestrate the whole plan to take down Voldemort. How it was Regulus’ idea to go down with him. There was no other way. Sirius didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t. It just didn’t make sense to him. Not his Regulus. Not his little brother. Regulus was always a coward. He never learnt to use his voice. He let people push him around. Sirius loved him anyway. Yet Regulus would never defy their parents like that, he’d never defy Voldemort.
So as Halloween rolled around and others celebrated their full year of freedom, Sirius locked himself in his bedroom holding the last remaining reminder of his brother in his hands. Sirius never opened the letter Dumbledore gave him. Because to him, opening that letter would be like finally letting go of his brother, and that was something he’d never be ready to do.
Yet a year later, Sirius knew it was time. Time to hear what Regulus had to say. To finally, hopefully, clear the questions he had asked himself repeatedly since that tragic day.
Regulus loved him more than Sirius ever knew. He knew Regulus would’ve written the letter to give Sirius some form of closure. One day, it may seem that way to Sirius, but as he read it for the first time, it did quite the opposite. Regulus explained everything.
Why he had never stood up for Sirius.
Why he’d said he never cared for Sirius, when truthfully he cared more than anything.
How much he truly loved Sirius but could never say it out loud.
Sirius was the reason Regulus did what he did. Sirius was the reason Regulus died. Sirius killed his little brother.
In his letter, Regulus never spoke ill of him. He never blamed him for leaving home and never blamed him for leaving him behind. He made it very clear that he chose this fate for himself, and if there were a universe where Sirius were to discover his plan before it happened, he would never change what he did.
Regulus was doomed from the start, he knew that from the time he was a child. Sirius was always going to make it out. Regulus would be the reason why.
Regulus needed Sirius to live, he needed him to be happy, to grow, to love, to start a family just like Sirius told him his dreams when they were only children. They both dreamed of living a life far away from their family. Regulus was sorry he couldn’t be there to see it.
To others, Sirius did live, physically of course he was living and breathing. He was happy, he got a good job, he had a nice house, and he started a family with Remus, just like his brother wished he would within his final words. But on the inside, Sirius was dead and a part of him always would be. His heart would constantly long for his brother, his little brother, for the rest of his life.
Even as he grew old, the thoughts of his childhood still haunted him, just not by the memories he thought always would. After Regulus’ death, he no longer thought about the abuse or the neglect but of Regulus, who decided at the mere age of 13 that he would sacrifice his happiness, his freedom, and his future, for Sirius.
At 15, Sirius thought he had lost his brother, but here, now that he was gone, he knew that his brother was never truly gone all those years ago, not really. He was always the same little boy, afraid of his shadows crawling into his big brother's bed at night for comfort. Because by the time you see the stars for what they truly are, they are already dead.