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If it wasn’t for the simple fact that they couldn’t actually die in the digital world, Pomni would have been certain that Caine was out to kill them.
How else could she explain the absolutely insane adventures he forced them into on a daily basis? Every morning he promised a new “amazing” adventure, and every evening they’d return to the tent more traumatized than they’d started out (and given the circumstances they were currently in, that was saying a lot). Every time Pomni thought he couldn’t possibly conceive of anything more bizarre and death-defying than the day before, he proved her wrong and outdid himself with some twisted new terror for them to unwillingly endure. She knew he wasn’t trying to torture them on purpose, that he sincerely thought his adventures were fun and that he was just doing his job, but she wished any of them had been able to successfully convince him to dial it back a little any time one of them had attempted to ask. His imagination was truly limitless, and for someone on the outside playing the game, that would have been a positive thing.
But for everyone trapped in the circus, being made to live out these daring adventures for some invisible audience’s viewing pleasure...it was anything but.
And today, so far, had been no exception.
“Pomni, hurry!” Ragatha shouted over her shoulder at Pomni, lifting the skirt of her dress up a couple inches so she wouldn’t trip on her own feet as she ran ahead. “The walls are closing in faster, we need to get out now!”
“I’m trying!” Pomni shouted back, sprinting to catch up with the doll. Her heart pounded in her throat as the hallway around her rattled violently, the walls shrinking in on either side of her, the floor shaking so roughly that it was getting harder to keep her balance. She nearly tripped over her own foot, flailing desperately as she caught herself and kept pushing forward. “Oh god, please tell me you have the scroll! Caine won’t let us out of here if we don’t have the scroll!”
“It’s right here!” Ragatha patted the satchel that swung at her side, which had been given to her at the start of the adventure to collect the items they’d need to complete this perilous scavenger hunt through the cursed temple. Because of course it was a cursed temple. “Come on, please! I don’t want to see you get turned into a jester pancake!”
“I don’t want to be a jester panca— oof!!” Pomni yelped as she suddenly stumbled to the ground, sprawled across the stone floor. “Ow! K-keep going! I’ll be right there…!”
Pomni quickly scrabbled to her knees, darting a quick glance around as she staggered back to her feet. The walls were rushing to box her in on both sides now, but...wait, what was that beginning to protrude along the length of each wall? Was that…?!
“Oh god, spikes!” Pomni screamed, her eyes bugging out in pure terror as she took in the gleaming silver spikes now jutting out of either wall. “Oh, great! That’s just fantastic! I love this stupid adventure!”
“A little less banter, a little more running, Pomni!” Ragatha yelled, in a rare panic-stricken fit of impatience. By that point she’d crossed the threshold into the next room, which from a distance looked mercifully booby-trap free. At least, for now, but who knew what might be triggered the second they both set foot inside?
Only Caine would think up a scavenger hunt and then model it after every clichéd action movie to exist...ohh, but it’s for fun, he says…! Which trope will be next, a giant boulder hurtling straight toward us or a broken rope bridge over a pit of poisonous snakes? Are the other teams struggling this bad or is Caine only trying to skewer us? Oh god, I need to get out of here…!
With that she broke into a run again, willing her trembling legs to move faster, her scraped knees stinging with every stride. Her heart beat so hard in her chest she swore it was about to burst right through her ribcage. The walls on either side of her closed in faster and faster, spikes glinting ominously under the flickering light provided by torches that lined the hall. A cold sweat broke out across her skin, panic gripping her at the realization that she just might not make it. For all of the horrific things Caine had put them through in these adventures she’d never actually come this close to death before, and she did not want to experience whatever “respawning” would entail.
“Pomni!” Ragatha called then, cutting through Pomni’s rapidly spiraling thoughts. “You’re almost there, just a little further! You can do it!”
Pomni latched her gaze on to Ragatha, standing at the end of the hall with her arms stretched toward Pomni, beckoning her to safety. She was only a few feet away now, but that gap seemed enormous as the ground pitched relentlessly back and forth and threatened to knock her right off her feet again. She swallowed thickly against a surge of stress-induced tears that suddenly muddled her vision.
No. Don’t give up now, you’re almost there! You can do this, you can! You can’t give Caine the satisfaction of breaking down now…!
Clenching her jaw determinedly, she sprinted forward, keeping her gaze locked straight ahead on her goal. She was close, almost there, just a few more steps, she was going to make it–!
She lunged forward, throwing herself the last couple feet, reaching for Ragatha’s outstretched hand…
…stumbling across the threshold with just seconds to spare before the walls could crush her…
…..but not before the tip of one of the spikes pierced her side, tearing her costume and slicing into her flesh.
“Ow!” A pained shriek ripped itself from her throat before she could swallow it back. She stumbled into Ragatha, nearly dragging them both to the ground as she collapsed to her knees, clutching her side. “Oh my god, ow…!”
“Pomni? What happened?!” Ragatha sank to the floor next to Pomni, failing to mask the frantic edge to her voice.
“I…one of those s-spikes…stabbed me…” Pomni pressed her fingers against the location of the injury, a high-pitched whine rising in her throat as she doubled over, white-hot pain searing through her flesh. Even through her glove, she could feel something warm and wet oozing out of the wound that made her stomach turn cold. “I d-don’t know how deep it got, b-but…it hurts, god, it really hurts…”
“Oh god…okay just, just try to stay calm, okay? Just…just sit tight and try to remain calm,” Ragatha spoke too quickly, too anxiously, like she was trying to reassure herself as much as she was Pomni. “Here…let’s get you leaning against the wall here, and then I’ll take a look, see what the damage is, alright?”
Pomni’s head swam, her focus fading in and out as a sharp ringing reverberated in her ears that nearly drowned out Ragatha’s voice entirely. Tears of pain and fear flooded her eyes, dripping down her cheeks, her chest heaving with every short, trembling breath she drew in. She quickly squeezed her eyes shut, but even in darkness, she still felt dizzy.
She couldn’t process this. She couldn’t. What sense did this even make? How could she have knives hurled at her and embed themselves in her flesh, have her arms stretched out for miles in either direction, have her eyeballs pop clean out of her head without any of it leaving a scratch on her...yet she could still get impaled? Still experience such excruciating pain that it made her nauseous? Still bleed out? What sense did any of it make?! Was it all only programmed to make her suffer, make them all suffer for all of eternity? Why why why…?
“Pomni?” Ragatha’s worried voice pulled her back from the dark, whirling void of her own rampant thoughts...just barely. “Stay with me here, Poms. We need to see how bad it is, it…looks like it’s bleeding a lot. It’s soaking clear through your costume…”
“Mh…” Pomni could only moan weakly in response, unable to move, unwilling to even open her eyes. “I don’t...d-don’t want to see it…”
“You don’t have to, not yet. Just keep your eyes closed and let me take a look, see if there’s anything I can do to stop the bleeding until we can find Caine and get his help. I’m...I’m going to move you, very carefully, so I can get you in a better position and check this out. Just brace yourself for that, okay?”
Pomni gave a quick, single nod, her eyes still shut tight. She stiffened as Ragatha took her gently by the shoulders and maneuvered her into a propped-up position against a nearby wall, whimpering softly and sucking in a shaky breath as the pain flared up with vicious intensity the second she was moved. Her hand was still clamped protectively over her wound, as if she alone could stem the flow of blood that poured through her fingers.
“Okay...I need you to move your hand so I can see, alright?” Ragatha fought to keep her voice even, but Pomni could still detect the nervous tremor underscoring her words. “Just so I can take a quick look. It’ll be okay, you’re going to be okay.”
Pomni wished she could believe the doll, but she hadn’t truly felt okay since she’d arrived in this virtual hellscape, every new day presenting new ways to torment her and break her spirit until there was nothing left of her. But she reluctantly complied, slowly peeling her fingers away from her side, her glove now sticky with her own blood.
“Oh…” Ragatha murmured, in a tone Pomni couldn’t quite decipher but knew could not be good. “Oh gosh, Pomni…”
“Wh…what…?” Pomni croaked out fearfully, finally willing herself to pry her eyes open and assess the damage for herself. “I-is it really ba—oh, oh no no no oh god…”
She immediately regretted looking.
A jagged tear had been slashed across the side of her costume, now stained in blood that looked alarmingly dark–almost black, rather than the bright crimson shade she’d been accustomed to all her life. Through the rip in the fabric, she caught sight of her own milk-white skin…and the deep, gushing gash now carved into her pale flesh, pulsing with pain that throbbed in time with her heart. It was hard to tell through the blood, but she guessed the wound was at least five inches long, maybe even longer. Her head spun, a sudden wave of dizziness consuming her as her stomach churned ominously.
“This is…bad…r-really bad…” Pomni slowly lifted her hand, her blue glove drenched in her own blood, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she started hyperventilating. An icy, tingling sensation seized her limbs, her vision tunneling as an aggressive hum buzzed mercilessly in her head.
Now was not the time for a panic attack. But once she’d thrown herself into that spiral, it was nearly impossible to claw her way back out.
“Hey, shh…try to calm down, I think it looks worse than it is.” Again, Ragatha sounded like she was trying to convince herself as much as Pomni. She swiftly tore a length of fabric from the hem of her dress, pressing it firmly against Pomni’s torso, eliciting an agonized hiss from the jester as a renewed surge of pain shot through her side and made her stomach lurch. “I’m sorry…I know it hurts, but we need to try and stop the bleeding, fast.”
“Wh-why?” Pomni asked weakly, glancing briefly down at the blood that quickly soaked through the fabric of Ragatha’s dress, before wrenching her gaze back up to meet Ragatha’s eyes again. “We can’t… bleed to death here, c-can we? Isn’t it physically impossible?”
“No, we can’t die from it. But it…still isn’t good,” Ragatha responded evasively, still holding the cloth tightly in place against Pomni’s wound. “You’ll be okay, Caine can get you patched up in a jiff as soon as we get to him. I promise you’ll be fine. But until then…”
“B-but that could be hours from now, Caine never appears until we all beat the day’s adventure…” Pomni intercepted anxiously. It was getting harder to think straight, a thick fog clouding her mind as every single one of her nerves screamed out in pain and terror. She squeezed her eyes shut against another overwhelming wave of dizziness that threatened to drag her into unconsciousness. “There’s no way I can finish the adventure l-like this, I can’t move...god, I’m getting really woozy, I’m s-scared…ugh, stupid Caine and his stupid death-defying adventures and those stupid stupid spikes— ”
“Pomni. Please. Take a few deep breaths, okay?” Ragatha instructed gently, and Pomni tried, her breaths snagging in her chest and halting just short of her lungs with each inhalation. “I’ll find a way to get us both out of here, even if I have to carry you myself. We need to focus on one thing at a time. I wish we had a first aid kit on hand, but I...might know something that I can do to stop the bleeding. It might not work, but I can try. But I need you to trust me completely if I’m going to do it.”
“What…what is it…?” Pomni forced herself to crack one eye open enough to peer up at Ragatha, her vision too bleary to read the doll’s expression.
“Well…” Ragatha faltered, before answering slowly, “I could…try to stitch your wound shut myself. I always keep a little sewing kit on hand in case of emergencies, with extra-thick thread for more heavy-duty repair jobs, because once you’ve had an arm torn off a couple times you learn to be prepared. It’s a temporary solution, but it should help until Caine can fix you up. I just…can’t guarantee that it’s going to work. I’m used to my fabric flesh, and yours is sort of, well, rubbery. But if you give the okay, I can try. What do you think?”
Pomni bit hard on the inside of her cheek, fighting back a renewed surge of anxious tears, her thoughts racing and becoming gradually incomprehensible as she grew more lightheaded. She was scared, she was terrified, as her side ached and her blood pooled beneath her and her dizziness increased tenfold. The world around her was a hazy blur, fading in and out, and she could no longer determine whether it was from blood loss or her own anxiety swarming her mind and causing the rest of her body to go haywire. She felt frighteningly on the brink of passing out, and she closed her eyes again in a feeble attempt to slow down the spinning within her own brain.
“I...th-think we should try…” Pomni finally mumbled, her tongue feeling too thick and heavy in her own mouth as she struggled to form the words. “It’s...going to hurt a lot...isn’t it…?”
“I...can’t say for sure,” Ragatha admitted hesitantly. “I hardly feel it on myself anymore, but our bodies are...a little different from each other, to say the least. Mending a tear in cotton fabric is an entirely different league than stitching flesh back together. But I think that’s a chance we’re going to have to take, if this even works at all.”
“Okay...then I’m ready…” Pomni breathed in shakily, exhaling in a wavering gust. “I trust you...please, do it…”
“Okay. Thank you for trusting me, Pomni. I’ll see what I can do. Here, I’m going to help you lay down so it’s easier for me to work and so it’s a little more comfortable for you. Well, as comfortable as this can possibly get.”
Pomni nodded again, which Ragatha took as permission to move her again. Ragatha slowly eased her onto her back on the floor, and Pomni inhaled sharply through gritted teeth at the pain that radiated from her hip all the way up her side like a jolt of electricity. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, laying flat on the cold, hard stone floor with nothing to cushion her head or alleviate any of the pressure against her sore body, but she bit her tongue to keep from complaining. It wasn’t like they had even the barest of essentials on hand, no first aid kit or water or a blanket…god, she wished they had a blanket. A sudden chill coursed through her, numbing her hands and legs in a way that worried her…
“...Pomni…? Can you hear me?”
“H-huh…?” Pomni blinked dazedly up at Ragatha. How long had she zoned out…?
“I just said I’m going to start now. I have my needle threaded and ready. Just try to stay with me, okay, hon? I know it’s hard, but I need you to try and stay awake. Try and focus on me, on the sound of my voice. Are you ready?”
Pomni sniffled, nodding once more, not trusting her voice to work.
She refused to watch, keeping her gaze purposefully averted to the ceiling above her as she braced herself. She felt the initial sharp, pinching pain of the needle entering her flesh, followed by an uncomfortable tugging sensation as the thread was pulled through, in and then out as Ragatha made the first stitch. It was…hard to describe what it felt like. She’d never had stitches without being numbed first, and by watching Ragatha do it to herself so many times without so much as flinching, it would be so easy to assume that it wasn’t an absolutely excruciating experience...but then again, Pomni’s skin wasn’t made of linen. The truth was it hurt, a lot, and being able to feel it made her panic, tears streaming down her face and her breath shuddering with every shallow gasp she took each time the needle punctured her skin. She tried to focus on the sound of Ragatha’s voice as she spoke, encouraging her gently and telling her she was doing good so far, but it was getting harder to pay attention as she struggled to cling to her slippery grip of her own consciousness.
A sudden strangled sob escaped her and ripped her throat raw as Ragatha yanked the needle too quickly, too roughly through her flesh, her whole body convulsing involuntarily in response.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Ragatha stammered apologetically, her tone bordering on frantic before she cleared her throat and tried to smooth it out. “I didn’t mean to do that, your skin is…a little thicker than mine, it’s not as easy to work with. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Are you okay?”
“N-no…” Pomni whimpered, nearly choking on her tears. “I f-feel like I might faint…”
“Oh, honey…we’re almost done, I promise, just a little more. Then I’ll get you out of here, we can’t be that much farther from the exit…I just need you to stay awake a little longer. Listen to me, focus on my voice. You can do this, Pomni. You’re doing so good. I’m going to try and distract you, take your mind off of the pain until I’m done. Okay?”
Pomni dared to glance up at Ragatha…and, oh god, she wished she hadn’t when she saw that her own blood now coated Ragatha’s hands. Would that type of staining ever come out of cloth flesh? A swell of nausea rolled through Pomni’s stomach then, and it took every ounce of her dwindling strength not to vomit as she quickly jerked her gaze back toward the ceiling.
“O-okay…”
“Alright. Let’s talk about something you like, something that makes you happy. I know that’s probably hard to think about right now, but I need to keep you conscious, so just try. Tell me something you like to do, what are your favorite things.”
“I…” Pomni sniffled, forcing herself to think through the dense fog that now wrapped itself around her brain. “I like…math…and word puzzles…um, I really love video games, n-nothing scary…but I like RPGs and life sims, l-like that cute one with the animals, I played that a lot growing up…I w-wish I could remember the name…”
“The one where you could catch bugs and fish and look for fossils? I liked that one, too. It’s been a long time since I played it last…what about racing games, do you like racing games?”
“Y-yeah… ow… they’re fun…I’m n-not very good at fighting games, though…”
“Aw, well, neither am I. People do always tell me I’m too much of a pacifist though…” Ragatha’s voice trailed off, and Pomni felt one last sharp tug before she heard a faint snip that sounded a little like a pair of scissors , which she guessed was Ragatha cutting the ends of the thread. “...And we’re all done! I just need to tie this off. I really wish we had bandages or something to cover this with, but I’ll have to improvise…”
Pomni blinked slowly, willing herself to take a look at her wound now that Ragatha had finished. Thick black thread, stitched in a precise zigzagging pattern, now sealed the gash securely shut. It…still didn’t look great, and Pomni’s stomach curdled even looking at it, but she exhaled a heavy sigh of relief that it was over.
“I never…want to have to do that again…” she groaned tiredly, rubbing at her eyes with the hand that wasn’t currently sticky with blood. “God…that was awful… n-no offense…”
“None taken. Getting, well, stabbed and then getting stitches without any type of anesthetic isn’t going to be a walk in the park for anyone.” Ragatha tore off another long strip from the hem of her dress, just enough to wind it around Pomni’s torso and knot it tightly in place. “There…it’s a makeshift bandage at best, but it’s good enough as long as it keeps it covered. Are you ready to try and find our way out of here?”
“Yeah…” Pomni attempted to push herself up, but her arms trembled, her elbows buckling and forcing her to lay down again. “I uh…I really don’t think I can even lift myself up, much less walk…”
“Ah, right...here, let me.” Ragatha carefully slid her arms underneath Pomni and lifted her slowly, mindful not to jostle her too much. “There we go. Think we’re all set now, as long as we don’t run into any other traps…”
If Pomni had been in a clearer state of mind, she would’ve marveled at how easily Ragatha had picked her up, but instead she just rested her head against Ragatha’s shoulder as a wave of exhaustion crashed over her. She was so tired, so cold, so weak...her eyelids drooped and she struggled to blink them back open.
“Sorry about this...about having to be carried like a kid,” she mumbled hoarsely, too drained in every sense of the word to feel embarrassed. “Sorry for... everything, today. This adventure sucked…”
“It...sure could’ve gone better, huh?” Ragatha gave a hollow laugh, lacking any mirth, as she began walking with Pomni toward the next room of the labyrinthine temple. “But you have nothing to be sorry for, Pomni. I’m just glad I was paired with you, that I was here with you. I don’t know what would’ve happened if...well, no matter now, I guess. Also, you barely weigh anything, it’s like carrying a bag of flour. So don’t worry about that, either.”
“I don’t think I’m that light…” Pomni’s words slurred, her eyelids growing heavier. She was wrestling to retain her consciousness, but her exhaustion bore deep through her very core, gradually winning out...she was so sleepy…..
“...Pomni…? Honey, can you hear me…?”
Pomni dimly made out Ragatha’s voice, edged with more than a trace of concern as it reached through the darkest recesses of her mind, but it sounded muffled and far away like they were standing at opposite ends of a long tunnel. Ragatha was too far away to rescue her from the cold shadows that threatened to swallow her whole, and Pomni was too far away to plead for help as the last embers of her strength finally flickered out.
“Ragatha…” she rasped, her voice so hushed and broken she didn’t think the doll had even heard her. At least, she tried to speak, but she didn’t know if the words had actually spilled from her quivering lips, had reached the ears they were intended for.
That was the last thing she remembered before the shadows finally claimed her, pulling her into dreamless unconsciousness.
…
…..
……...Pomni wasn’t sure how long she was out for, but when she at last found the strength within her to open her eyes again, she realized right away that she was no longer in that ancient temple. She blinked dazedly, and as the hazy veil that blanketed her brain slowly lifted, she registered that she was tucked into bed in her own room again.
...Oh, I guess we ended up getting back to the circus after all…? But I don’t remember that, the last thing I remember was Ragatha carrying me and...wait, oh god, am I still…?
She frantically threw her blanket off herself and sat bolt upright, wincing and shutting her eyes tightly as a sudden wave of dizziness washed over her. As soon as the spell subsided, though, she slowly opened her eyes again and inspected her side. Her costume had been mended, showing no signs of rips or bloodstains. Her side still ached when she moved, but when she gingerly trailed her fingers over the spot where she’d been sliced, she didn’t feel the telltale ridge of homemade stitches beneath the fabric of her outfit. Instead she felt the faint outline of what she guessed to be a square of gauze covering the area where the gash had been. She couldn’t tell much else without being able to remove her costume, but at least it didn’t seem like it was actively bleeding anymore.
A trembling sigh slipped past her lips.
Oh, thank god...what a nightmare…..
“Oh, Pomni…you’re awake, that’s good.”
Pomni’s gaze traveled across the room then, only then aware that Ragatha had been sitting in the armchair in the corner of her room. She’d evidently drifted off at some point as well, judging by the groggy hoarseness of her voice and the yawn she stifled as she unfurled herself from her curled-up position and stretched.
“Yeah…I’m up.” Pomni’s throat felt oddly dry and sore, and she coughed weakly. “Was I out long? I really don’t remember much after, uh… everything.”
“Oh, um…you were asleep for a few hours,” Ragatha replied vaguely, fidgeting with her hands.
“How many hours?” Pomni asked warily, already afraid of the answer.
“Uh, maybe about…twenty-four?” Ragatha answered carefully, keeping her tone as light and casual as possible. But that wasn’t enough to soften the blow.
“What?!” Pomni squeaked, her eyes bugging wide open. “I was asleep for an entire day?”
“Just…try not to panic, okay?” Ragatha stood up then, crossing the room to join Pomni on her bed. “I know that sounds scary, but it’s okay, you’re fine. You…lost a lot of blood, and your body was sort of in shock after everything that had happened. Caine got you all fixed up, but you were very weak…you’re still probably pretty weak now, it’ll likely take another day or two for you to bounce back completely. You’ll need to rest until then.”
Pomni didn’t respond right away, distractedly tracing her fingertips along the length of her injury, her mind reeling now that she was more alert.
“So...how are you feeling, by the way?” Ragatha ventured to ask, when Pomni still hadn’t spoken. “Are you hurting much?”
Pomni mentally took stock of her current condition. She did feel pretty weak, her whole body heavy and sore, exhaustion enveloping her like a weighted blanket despite having just slept for a day. A painful tugging sensation pulled at her side as she shifted positions, but it wasn’t unbearable. She reasoned she was lucky she didn’t feel worse, physically.
But emotionally...that was a different story.
“I...guess I’m okay,” she said slowly, at last. “Mostly I’m just tired. And...and I…”
Her throat locked up, the words lodging themselves in the lump that had formed there. Her chest tightened as tears suddenly stung her eyes.
“...Something on your mind, Poms?” Ragatha probed gently, after a moment.
But Pomni still couldn’t find it in her to speak. Memories of the last adventure flashed through her mind, tormenting her even in quick succession–the horrifying threat of being crushed to dust, piercing herself on that damn spike, the ceaseless pain coupled with the suffocating weight of her own anxiety as she tried to keep still through every last stitch that was pierced through her flesh. And that was just the tip of the iceberg as she recounted every other traumatic moment she’d racked up in her relatively short time here in the circus. How was one ever expected to recover from being chased down by a terrifying monster within minutes of finding out her life as she once knew it was over, making a new friend only to watch him be unceremoniously turned into confetti, or getting possessed by a restless spirit who wanted to steal her body as their own? And all of that had been within a week. It had only gotten worse from there.
There were times when Pomni thought she had a chance at surviving here in the circus, where she actually felt like she was capable of enduring whatever wacky new form of torture Caine threw at her, because she’d already lived through so much that she never thought she’d make it through but that she’d found her way to the other side of alive. But other times, like right now, when terror overwhelmed her and dread sank her stomach at the very thought of what she might be faced with next…she felt like she had to admit to herself that she wasn’t built for this, that even in this bizarre cartoon body where her skin didn’t even feel like her own she was not made to withstand these treacherous adventures and had never truly made it out of one unscathed, physically or mentally. And she could never be sure when the next adventure would be the one that would finally break her.
She’d felt… dangerously close, this time. Who knew what tomorrow would bring? Or the next day? It was hard to be as strong as people tried to tell her she was when she felt like she was crumbling apart, day by day…
“Sweetie…”
Pomni was drawn out of her rapidly spiraling thoughts by a gentle hand stroking her cheek, as Ragatha brushed away a tear that had leaked from Pomni’s eye. Oh…she was crying. When had she started crying? She sniffled miserably, trying to get herself back under control, just barely resisting the urge to lean into Ragatha’s touch in a rare moment of being starved for physical contact.
“S-sorry…” she mumbled, inhaling a deep breath that rattled in her lungs and trembled as she exhaled. “I’m just…so tired…”
“It’s okay, Pomni...you’ve been through a lot lately, and yesterday was, well, especially rough to say the least,” Ragatha replied quietly, resting her hand in her lap again—Pomni was immensely relieved to see that the doll’s hands had not been permanently dyed by her blood after all. “You really haven’t caught any breaks since getting here, have you?”
“Not unless you consider getting a couple vacation days because I nearly impaled myself a break,” Pomni muttered, sniffling again, then felt guilty for being sarcastic. “Sorry...it’s just been hard. Maybe I need more time to adjust but it...feels like some things will never get easier. I guess that’s just been a struggle to accept.”
“I understand. Trust me, we’ve all been there. Whether it’s your first adventure or your fiftieth, you never really know what to expect. Doesn’t help that Caine has gotten a lot more... creative over the years, I suppose he’s just getting more advanced.” Ragatha tilted her head slightly to the side, regarding Pomni with a concerned glimmer in her non-button eye. “Do you want to talk about any of it?”
“No...not now.” Pomni shook her head slowly, so fatigued that any attempt at meaningful conversation would only stumble from her mouth in an incomprehensible jumble. “My brain kind of feels like it’s the consistency of pea soup right now, I would just word-vomit all over the place...I’ll be okay, I think I just need more sleep.”
“Well...if you’re sure. You know you can always come to me if you change your mind, though.” Ragatha seemed to know better than to push Pomni any further at the moment, even if she seemed a little skeptical. Instead, she subtly changed the subject. “Would you let me get you something to eat, though? I know it’s not necessary, but you haven’t eaten anything in over a day, I think you’d feel better if you did. Some water would be a good idea too.”
To Pomni’s surprise, she realized that she actually felt the closest to hungry that she’d ever been since ending up in the circus–she figured it was probably her body’s way of trying to regain some much-needed energy. She nodded slowly.
“That actually does sound good, if you really don’t mind...thank you.”
“I’m just glad to hear you have an appetite.” Ragatha cracked a small smile. “What’ll it be, sweetie? I’ll make you anything you’d like.”
“Just...a sandwich, maybe?” Pomni asked hesitantly. “Just something easy, I don’t want to put you out...but, um, I really like turkey and cheese.”
“One turkey-and-cheese sandwich and some water, coming right up,” Ragatha confirmed, standing back up and brushing off her skirt. “I’ll get you some fruit and chips, too...I’ll be back in a jiffy, you just sit tight and rest for now.”
There wasn’t much else for Pomni to do at the moment, but she offered an affirming thumbs-up anyway.
As soon as Ragatha had left the room, Pomni’s shoulders slumped, and she fell back against her pillow. A stinging pain flared up in her side from flopping back too quickly, but she clenched her jaw and tried to ignore the throbbing ache. Her mind was a whirlwind of rampant thoughts threatening to drown her, so deeply mired as she was in her own anxiety and misery, but everything was too blurry in her fuzzy, overtired brain to give anything much focus. So she just lay there, gazing up at the canopy over her bed, too exhausted to think but not exhausted enough to fall back asleep yet.
Part of her wished she could predict the future here, know exactly what was coming next just so she could prepare herself—but then again, maybe it was better to be left in the dark on her fate here, until the day that she unraveled completely inevitably arrived. She tried to believe she was strong enough to make it, to survive here for years like a few of the others had...but was that really what she wanted? Did she actually want to suffer through years of torment at Caine’s hands, when she’d barely lasted a few weeks so far? She honestly didn’t know, and coming to the conclusion that her only other alternative was languishing in the basement with the others who couldn’t handle it until the end of time made her stomach knot up.
Maybe it was only a matter of time, anyway…
She…didn’t want to think about it right now, or she really would go insane. She instructed herself to try and take a few deep breaths, wiping away the few tears that still matted her eyelashes, and tried to be grateful that she had at least a couple of days to recuperate before she would be flung into the next ridiculous scenario that Caine cooked up for them.
At least she could cling to the fraying threads of her sanity for a little while longer.