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The door. Was it locked?
Further inspection returned positive.
Hero dutifully scanned what little of the outside the windows would yield. Faraway Town was quiet, it would have to satisfy his anxiety for now.
“Hero,” called Mom, “isn’t it ten a.m.?! You hurry to bed! Hurry to bed now!”
“I’m coming, Mom,” he called back.
This quieted the noise from the kitchen for a moment. But quiet was hardly the word for it a second later. Such preparations. All for a guest visiting tomorrow. She will be here for two hours and have lunch. Has to be one of Mom’s friends. There was an escape for Hero at least: he would spend every second of it mulling over his textbook. “Brushing up on my subjects over the summer” will be the official name. “Like the diligent angel I am” will be the unofficial subheading.
The door; was it locked?
“Hero!”
“Okay, I’m really going now!”
Dad. It was because of him that Hero needed to check the door. All Dad’s been up to these days is going in and out of houses, helping the new neighbors with the endless supply of boxes they moved in with, leaving the door open in the process. Hero had worried if Dad had left it open again while leaving to pick up the guest and her husband. Despite this not proving to be a worry, Hero was still fretting. “He’ll be back tomorrow”; the mantra Hero had to repeat over and over again in his head. It was either forgetting about him or repeating that until Hero passed out, those were his two options for getting any sleep.
“Hero, I will be talking to you tomorrow!”
“Sorry!”
Mom had some sort of sensor built into her brain for sure. Tonight at least, this elicited no frustration from him. Maybe he was tired?
Kel wouldn’t poke fun for provoking that sensor; he would be fast asleep by now, Hero thought. Just like Hector.
Upon opening the door he called without thinking, “Goodnight, Kel.”
“‘Night.” The wide-awake response.
“Well, looks like a bleak one today, folks. A family of four was found dead near the outskirts of Faraway Town a couple days ago.”
“A family!” bleated the female next to him.
“Found in an alleyway.” He went droning on as though reading a script. “Police say it to be a failed robbery. As in, the thief came over, got mad they didn’t have anything good on them, shot ‘em all. It’s a tragedy. At least they got him.”
“But they were a family, and… surely they had something! Are they sure it wasn’t just cold-blooded murder?”
“No. They seemed pretty poor. In fact, they seemed to be living in their car when he got them…” Had it not been for the subject, he would have made an excellent teacher, for they are known for their monotone diction.
“Poor things,” Mom murmured.
She dragged him here. To say goodbye to the guest who turned out to be some distant relative. When Hero stepped in, they had been watching the news.
“Hello,” he pronounces. Too frightened to think of how older ladies prefer to be talked to. “Hope we can meet again.”
“Yes, yes, dear.” The lady nodded her head somberly. This was sharply contrasted by Hector’s ignorant barking upstairs.
“Well then, see you, Ana,” Mom said as though remembering they were still in the house.
“See you. See you.”
Amid these farewells, the door closed with that somber stature of her and her husband.
“Alright, Carlos,” Mom announced. “Put something nicer on, would you? Goodness, news these days.”
How insensitive.
And, how casually they were taking this all. It was too casual.
“Kel,” he exclaimed. “Kel’s outside, I meant. We should get him. Before he loses track of time… haha.” He would have eagerly left with Kel, but Mom insisted that his original plan was great.
Maybe convincing Mom to leave the house with her new earrings would be the best course of action at this time. Other plans were also forming. But now he had to complete this current urgent task.
“Yeah, you do that, champ. I gotta look out for that kid more.”
“Carlos, isn’t he becoming a senior next year?”
“Those kids are never going to become a senior.” Most of the fear has leaked out from a hole in his foot, leaving his insides a mourning blue.
“Hmm? What did you say, honey? Speak up, speak up. I never have to tell you to speak up!”
Pretending that he was not ignoring her, he beelined out through the door. Into the world which was coated in the light of a starkly contrasting yellow sun.
How little everything had changed, he thought. The grass was the same green, the skies were the same blue, and Kel was at the park, dribbling a ball.
Kel had made some fuss when Hero insisted on dragging him back home, but yielded, because of course he would, in the face of his elder brother. This time the walk back home seemed so much quieter, so much slower, maybe owing to the fact that Kel was striding in front of him. Completely untouched. Completely untouched.
“Wait, Aubrey,” Hero exclaims; startled by the sound of his own voice. It had the same realizing tone from back at home.
They had promised they would look out for each other. So long ago, it seemed.
“I mean, I was thinking we could talk to her.” This last line was said with all the charm he could muster. A considerable amount, hopefully?
“Huh, I dunno… and hang on, didn’t Mom say I was out too long?”
“She won’t mind if you’re with me… haha.”
This laugh obliged Kel to laugh back, as it had done so many times before. “Haha.”
“You know.” Kel would think that Hero just wanted to see if she was doing well.
“You should ask Mom,” Kel suggests.
Hero had, once more, a goal. No wonder the details of this quick request for some more time immediately dried up in his mind. Forgetting everything, the walk to Vance and his sister’s house, where he knew Aubrey was currently residing, was over, in the time you can snap your fingers in. Neither of them speak of the home for flowers. There is no one there to discuss.
“You answer. Kim’s gonna get mad if she sees me,” Kel explained.
He would have asked That was his sister, right? but he just figured there was no need to. Hero had never thought plants would scare him so relentlessly.
The sound of the three sharp knocks pulsated from the door. “Helloooo? Aubrey? Vance?”
“WHAT?” someone demanded from inside.
“Kim?” Kel called back, already forgetting what he had said, almost getting a strange, desperate laugh out of Hero. “It’s me and Hero! My brother!”
The universe’ leftover kindness prevented the door from opening outward, when Kim threw it open, as unhappy as you can get.
“Aubrey’s sleeping. So quit making noise!”
“Sorry.” Hero almost scrambled to say that, so scared. Then, he almost forgot about it. In fact, he forgot where he was for a moment. “Sorry. Sorry. We were wondering if we could hang out. Or at least say hi. Since she’s sleeping, could you say hi for us? Is she okay?”
“When’s she gonna wake up?” Kel chimed in.
“I dunno.”
“Let’s just let her sleep, Kel.” He said it fast enough to let Kel know he doesn’t intend to prod anymore.
“Uh, okay. ‘Bye.”
Muttering back, Kim slammed the door shut.
“... There was a murder near town,” he said, thinking that would explain his fidgeting. Partially the truth, it was. “Heard it on the news. They got the guy, but… maybe we should just let her stay in the house.”
“Well, if it’s worrying you, I don’t mind staying inside,” Kel said.
“Let’s go.”
“Yeah. Gosh, I could eat a horse!”
“I’m starving, too.” He only felt free to admit that when it was just the two of them. “What do you think Mom cooked?” The dead family had not left his mind. They had only stopped using words. Kel, chattering next to him, made their spirits near-invisible, if only until after they arrived home to Mom, annoyed that Hero had forgotten to have lunch with the guest, annoyed with how late he slept last night. To quiet them a little longer, he let her lecture him for five minutes, until Kel stopped her.
“Murder near Faraway Town”
Some digging on his new computer led him to an obituary site.
“Catherine Elizabeth Morgan… 22 years of age… moved from the United Kingdom when she was five… Spencer Morgan, proud Connecticuter… Robin and Emily Morgan… twins, barely having spoken their first word…”
Mrs. Morgan’s young features were striking. The easy, natural smile resting at the bottom of her face took him back to Mari’s.
This sudden recollection accelerates this fear he had no name for; it was the fear of being the most aware and having his family’s fate in his hands, of being concerned of the things no one else is. Hopefully Aubrey hadn’t woken up yet. Hopefully she wouldn’t feel like going outside today when she did. Hopefully. Hopefully.
But he would have to leave them all alone in the house, for Hector needed to be walked.
At least he could spend some time with the little guy, he told himself.
“Are you kidding me!?”
“What now?”
“None of my teammates are doing anything! Why are they just standing there?! C’mon, move, move! We’re gonna lose!!!”
“Try playing another game.”
“Yeah. Yeah, to heck with these guys,” Kel muttered.
Kel would not care that Hero had sounded so apathetic just then. If it was Kel, then he could forget about things like the tone of his voice; and, Kel would assume he was tired. But Hero made a critical reminder to speak gentler next time, for if his next words came out annoyed instead, Kel would worry.
“Wanna play with me, Hero? What are you doing again? Can’t see from this angle.”
“I’m reading,” he says so kindly.
“In summer!? Are you serious!?”
“I’m at a good part,” he says, still kindly, but firmly. “Go on and play the game you chose.”
“You and your book smarts,” Kel mutters.
You know, Kel, you didn’t read the obituary. Let me tell you about Robin and Emily Morgan. The obituary went on a lot about them. Maybe whoever was writing it liked them a lot.
This last sentence which did not yet exist only served to heighten the worry that he had been breathing with, made his lips purse together tighter until he smoothed them out.
Robin Morgan sort of reminds me of you as a child. Not entirely though. They both remind me of you together. Robin looks so mischievous in the photos. But Emily has your general demeanor. As in, not shy at all. They both must have been a bit of a hassle for their parents, but I’m sure they wouldn’t have asked for any other children. Just like Mom. No matter how much you think she doesn’t…
All the mistakes he had made. All the mistakes he’d let them make.
No more.
I say this like the Morgans are the splitting image of our family. But not really. They look so free. I think even despite their poverty, they were happy together.
Because even if the last few years have been difficult for all of us, it’s not like we were never a happy family. In fact, I’m sure even you still love Mom and Dad a little, no matter how disillusioned with them you’ve become.
Just leave it to me. I’m supposed to be watching over you all anyway. I’m the eldest. And, you know how often people get into accidents? At least if I’m looking out, I can prevent something. I don’t want things to get worse. You hear me, Kel?
I know you can’t.
I wish they were alive. I wish they were alive…
“Hey Charlie, what flower is that?”
“... that’s… grass?”
“Kel’s just being funny,” Hero explained, forcing his gaze to shift to her instead of his feet. Maybe he needed a nap. But surely he could stay awake for a couple more hours.
Kel pointed at a random house. “Hey Charlieeeee… what flower is that?”
She did not move for a second. Then, she giggled.
You know if Aubrey’s eaten lunch? Save for these past few weeks, it was a thought he hadn’t had since four years. Aubrey was “taking a shower” according to Kim. But, Charlie would probably be lonely about now, Vance had added, and asked Hero and Kel if they would bring her along. Hero remembered thinking Could always have some muscle nearby and Poor Charlie doesn’t have anyone else to hang out with at the same time.
“Gee, my feet hurt.”
“Yeah, Kel… Charlie, you said you could only be out for half an hour or so anyway, so I suppose we’ll meet again. We’ll walk you home, alright?”
“... Ah… but…”
“Charlie, your brother’s gonna get mad if you make him weed the lawn of all things while you’re hanging out with us,” Kel laughed.
“We can help!”
“... It’s… Aubrey. I… wanted… to see Aubrey… you know, before I went home…”
“Oh, Aubrey always takes a nap around this time,” Hero said apologetically.
There was a strange surprise in Charlotte’s eyes, but she did not pry further. Kel offered, “Charlie, you wanna wait at her… well… Kim’s doorstep until she wakes up? I think she was the lightest sleeper out of all of us, ha.”
“Mom won’t like that,” Hero said quickly, too quickly, even though he had not meant to imply anything to Kel; he felt cold water wash against his insides, and then, nothing at all, save for hot sun beating down on his back.
“Hero, stop being a momma’s boy,” Kel groaned. “I mean, she won’t die if we’re out for fifteen more minutes. You know she won’t if you’re out with me, heh.” Hero did not share the obligatory laugh in time before Kel added, “I just wanna see her… don’t you? Even if Mom has to stay home alone for a couple more minutes?”
That thought made him feel worse. But it was not what he feared. To stand near the home for flowers made every one of them, from Mom and Dad to Kel and Aubrey, feel as though they were no longer in Faraway Town under Hero’s watchful eye, but rather at the other side of the world. At the other side of the world, they would live together in a two-story house, where there would be a grand piano next to the stairs. “Okay,” Hero responded tersely; a bucket of water was positioned dangerously close to his head, threatening to splash over his insides once more, threatening to drown Kel and Charlie, who were at least walking in front of him.
“Yanno, I never knew she took naps after her showers,” Kel said as they crowded around the door. Hero sidled closer. So he could keep a better eye on Kel was what he told himself. Not even his mind mentions the gardens of the neighboring home. He thought of pouncing on each of the flower pots and shattering them against the beige sidewalk, where the clumps of brown would mix with the maroon clay fragments. This thought left him embarrassed.
Charlie eyed Kel curiously; what had he said again?
“Umm… did I say something?”
“... showers?”
“I mean, Mom makes me do chores in the evening, so I’m only free at noon… But the problem is that Aubrey’s either showering or napping by then, so I never get the time to see how she’s doing!”
“But… Aubrey… Aubrey hates taking baths in the afternoon.”
“What?” Hero uttered it as though he were surprised, when he had already understood.
“She just… t… told me once… always doing stuff at noon…” Charlie had noticed Kel’s indignant face. Hero knew this was only the first part of his reaction. Next, Kel would open his mouth and let out his surely outraged thoughts, and he would be fuming for the rest of the evening.
Except, Kel dropped the expression and said, “Well, don’t worry ‘bout it! Maybe it’s better if she doesn’t see us? I mean, I bet she’d get mad if she saw me, psssh. Hero, you say we head home?”
“I… I…” Hero wondered how Kel could manage such a hearty grin, when Hero’s own face wanted to crumple into confusion in tandem with his spinning head, when Kel was suddenly a different person from who Hero remembered.
“... could I… I, um…”
“Yeah?”
“Got a question…” Charlie mumbled. “The house… next to us. It’s Basil’s, right…?”
“Ah,” Kel said, and Hero knew he did not know what to say.
“… What happened to him?” There was an ambulance, he thinks she wants to say. It was not like with Kel, where he would know.
“Oh, he got into an accident,” Kel cheerfully supplied, and Hero could not help but wrinkle his brow for a second at this sudden change in demeanor. “I mean, even me and my bro don’t really know what happened there.”
Yeah we do. It was Sunny. Sunny’s the one who…
He had not thought about Sunny for two weeks. He wanted to keep him submerged for another two. Another two months. Two years. He did not want to think of him. IT. He repeated, Forget IT. Forget IT. He did not want to think of Mari right this moment.
“Yeah. You know, Kel,” Hero said, now understanding how easy it was to look so cheerful when needed, “Mom probably wants us home by now. Hope you can see Aubrey, Charlie.”
“Thank you.” She mumbled.
It was a surprise how there was such a place of fear right here in Faraway. By the time Hero and Kel had arrived home, he had almost forgotten what he was so afraid of, why he was so afraid, what the fear even felt like. Mom was in the kitchen based on the various noises coming from there. The prospect of sharp knives and boiling water drew him near her. Mom was happy to see him.
It was hard to get any real privacy in this house. At least he still had his mind to himself. Where he would think of it, of everything. Locked up there, they felt secured. It seemed he and Kel had both made a pact to retain their normalcy, their small-town life, and not speak of it, not speak of all the things that refuse to become words, because then they would be even more real.
At night, when he was thinking, Hero suddenly realized. Perhaps he needed to confront it. What he feared so badly. What he feared would come back to instill four more years of day-to-day suffering. But it was so dangerous. It made his mind flash red and white. And then, his mind would return to his bedroom, blackened by night, and he would wonder what he had been brooding about, wonder what on Earth “flashing red and white” meant…
Polly. Was she taking care of Basil?
It wasn’t a question of concern. Rather a question of reaching him. If he was lucky, Hero would reach Basil; hearing his voice pressed against his ear would make Hero feel as though he were talking to a convict for sure.
For now, anyway, he would try calling Polly.
Dad was out again to help with the neighbors, who at this point had surely brought enough boxes to fill the entire house with. Hero had instructed Kel to close the door. The door was closed.
“... Hello?”
“Polly!” he exclaimed. “It’s Hero,” he said, composing himself. “Remember me?”
“Oh… oh, yes, I do. How have you been, dear? Is something the matter?”
“I’ve been doing fine… I just… wanted to…”
He did not know how to convey to her it was Basil. With Kel, he would say a “you know” or a “how’s it going”.
“I… I… you know…?”
“Is something the matter?” she repeated. “I can wait. Don’t worry.”
“Basil,” he forced himself to say, smiling through the landline phone, and then his fizzy calm bursts. It left him with a clear, tingling feeling. “I wanted to meet Basil.”
“Basil… Basil.” She said it as though she were trying to remember who he was. ”Basil’s in the hospital, dear,” she explained, and he wondered if she was worrying what Hero would think. That Basil’s injuries surely must have healed by now. That she wasn’t lying.
“Oh,” came out, and then he added, “Is it possible to call him from there?”
“... Maybe? I’ll ask if he minds. He is doing much better, though, much better. I’m very glad.”
“Uh huh,” he said, not stopping to think if she wanted to let him know what a great thing that was, if she was waiting for him to say he was glad, too. “When should I call back?”
“Tomorrow. I was set to visit him anyway. I wonder if he’d feel more at ease if I were there… hmm… alright. Is that all, dear?”
“That’s all, ma’am.”
“Call me Polly,” she laughed. “Is Kel doing well? Sunny?”
“He’s doing well. Bye,” he said too quickly. Even talking of Basil left him feeling like this, as though he were the Devil.
Mom exited the kitchen as he put the phone away, and suddenly he took in his living room: the concave screen of the TV, Hector’s bright blue rug to himself, the family portrait’s indifferent smiles looming ahead of him.
“Mom,” he said. He suddenly feels unprepared. For something. He wanted to rest badly.
“Are you alright?” she asked, and he was somehow not surprised at all, that she was being so direct, even if she did not greet him first. “You looked scared.”
“Huh? Scared? Me?”
“What happened? Who were you calling? I told you not to answer those spam calls, didn’t I?” He knows she does not mean to swamp him with so many questions, that she is concerned. But at that moment, he felt cornered between the portrait and the rest of the living room, even if there was so much space.
“Stop it.”
“What?”
“Just leave me alone!” he snapped, and even he could not believe he had that. Mom looked bewildered as well. She was bewildered that her mild-mannered son could speak like that to his mother. He was shocked that he could hurt his family at all, when all he wanted to do was protect them. But it was not too surprising. He was bad at controlling his tongue when overwhelmed after all.
He tugged at his shirt. Hard. He tried to smooth out his mind as he did with the fabric.
“What did I say? … Err… do you need to talk about it, honey?”
“No! I don’t need to talk about it!” he shouted. “Why are you so bad at understanding?” he demanded.
Mom was trying to say something, but he knew she was too surprised by his words that came out of nowhere for her.
“Hero,” she finally said, “you do not talk to your mother like that, you know that? If you have a problem, you will tell me calmly. I expect better from you, given your age.”
“Yeah, calmly,” Hero muttered. “I’ve been pretty calm these past few weeks. You don’t know anything. You know how hard it is to be worrying about all of you these past few days?” And then he stopped, because he thought he would never say anything about that, because suddenly he felt like a fool for worrying and a fool for thinking it was nothing to worry about.
“What?” she laughed. “Worry? Honey, that’s what we’re for. Has something happened with your friends? Is there something you need to tell me? It must be about that hospital thing, goodness. I can’t get Kel to tell me what on Earth happened there.” Hearing Mom mention it, not even Kel or Aubrey, suddenly made it real. He had half-suspected nothing had even happened at the hospital anyway, why else would everything stay the same?
There really had been an accident. He realized he had not worried about anyone like this before the hospital. He just thought it’d always been like this. Was he normal, was he overdoing it? It’s not strange to not want something bad to happen. Was he normal? Was he normal? What about this was normal?
“Sorry, Mom,” he said quickly. “I won’t shout at you again. Maybe I should take some time to myself.”
She was eyeing him. But even Mom knew when it had nothing to do with her.
“It’s okay, honey,” she said.
Don’t you want to stay with me? Don’t you want to wash the dishes together? Clean the house? Please stay by my side.
Thinking that, he realized. He could not hide from it anymore. He needed to face his fears. This state of mind could not continue any longer.
Basil was not willing to call anyone. Polly had said she didn’t want to push it. Because Basil seemed so scared when he put the phone to his ear.
Tell him I’m not mad at him, Hero begged Polly, even when it was a case of talking to someone who should probably be in jail. An old friend who had somehow committed one of the blackest of crimes while Hero wasn’t looking.
He could not bring himself to think about it anymore. It was the clearest thought he’d had about the hospital, and he wondered how he hadn’t even thought of it for weeks.
He wouldn’t be able to run from it like this forever, anyway. He had promised he’d face his fears himself, after all.
The fear of IT. That IT would do it again. That Hero really wasn’t a hero, that he would slip for a moment and something bad would happen. Again.
Something would happen like it did to the Morgans. Simply thinking about them made everything seem so much worse. But he was tired of things getting worse. He could try to do this at the very least.
“Hi, Mom,” Hero said, coming into the living room.
“You know that it’s past ten p.m.,” she responded simply, almost about to doze off on the couch as Hector was already doing.
“I had a question. Do you have Mrs. Suzuki’s number?”
“Yes,” she said, “but I’m sure they’re both sleeping by now. Mrs. Suzuki always makes sure her son’s put to bed by nine, after all.”
The thought of Sunny having a bedtime almost made Hero laugh, but it was not easy laughter. “Then I’ll call them tomorrow.”
“Now you head off to bed.” And she put her head in her hand, ready to fall asleep there and then.
“Mom, do you need a blanket? You haven’t been working around the house late again, have you?”
“You can get me a blanket,” she said.
And he went to get one, wanting to make sure Mom was warm, and also knowing he would need something to distract himself from thoughts of how the phone call would go, if it ever happened; whether Sunny would say anything, if the phone would feel cold against Hero’s ears, if the only sound would be the ceiling fan’s lazy twirling to ward off summer heat, if Kel would barge in and take over the conversation. If any of this would even happen, or if Hero was imagining something; if Sunny had moved away at all, if Basil’s house was empty, if Aubrey had really become so despondent. The only thing he was sure of at that moment was that Kel would be awake.
“Hello?”
“Uh, hi, Mrs. Suzuki.”
“Hi, Hero.” It was her indeed. She would insist on calling him by his nickname, ‘because it sounds handsome’. Mari did not let him off the hook after that.
It had somewhat, but not completely, occurred to him, that Mari would just keep appearing in his thoughts during this phone call.
“You wanted to talk to Sunny?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you going to talk about?” A pause. “Nevermind. It’s not my business anyway. But you know, don’t you?”
“Yes ma’am,” he lied. When he called her “ma’am” for the first time, Mari giggled.
“Sunny’s a little groggy. He woke up late. Some things just don’t change, haha.”
“I see.”
“Good luck,” she said. He understood what she meant completely.
“Hey Kel, you wanna talk with Sunny too?”
Kel did not say anything for a moment. Then, gesturing for the phone, he pressed it very close to his ear, asked in a voice Hero had not heard in years, “... Sunny?”
“...”
“Speak up, dude. I can’t hear you.”
“...”
“I’m good. Yeah, Hero is too. Hold on, bro. Yeah, so…” And Kel slowly began to chatter, not comfortable, but still acting as though Sunny was his friend, his first friend, as though of course Sunny was going to the July 4th fair, of course he had a birthday, of course he went to the convenience store on Tuesdays; forget what he did to Aubrey, forget everything he did, forget the past and just concentrate on this conversation for now…
“Kel, let me get a word in!”