Chapter Text
Phineas…
Only his first name was written next to the dorm room number I would be staying in for the summer session at Devon. Of course, one only needed his first name to know exactly who Phineas was: Devon’s star athlete who was popular with everyone, a boy who was able to break even the strictest Master at Devon with just a few words, a boy who I could never dream of talking to.
I first became aware of him during Devon’s winter session after seeing him all around campus. I must admit, he was mysterious in a way. All these rumors about the boy, but never had I met him face to face. He captured my imagination in a way no one has before and never will again. I began asking around about him from my peers but all around received what I already knew. This infuriated me, but when I finally got the courage to find out about the boy myself the school year was already over.
How fast I took up the chance to go to the summer session the moment it was brought up. If there was a chance that I would be able to catch a glimpse of his near perfection it would have been more than worth it.
So imagine how I felt when I found myself sharing a room with none other than Phineas. Of course, I wasn’t really sure how to act. Would I mess up? I would probably open up the door and faint. Or worse… upset Phineas in a way. The train ride back to Devon was one of the worst I have ever been on. My nerves were shot and my stomach was full of butterflies. At that time, I didn’t know why I felt this way. It’s because I’m afraid of messing up…if I mess up with Phineas then the entire school would be against me…to be considered an acquaintance would be to a king the entire world… I would often reason my feelings with silly little conclusions like that. But of course, obviously, there was more to it.
“Where did you get that dizzy shirt?”
What..? “At home, where’d you think?” THIS is the first thing he asks me? Where’d I get my shirt?
At the moment, I must admit, I was a little more than upset. I had gotten my hopes up, put up my guards, and expected the worst. To this day I am still unsure if our first interaction was as bad as I expected to be. In fact, it was completely unexpected. But this was how Phineas was: unexpected.
The rest of our first interaction was about God, and sex and “How many times have you slept with a girl?” he asked and how I wish I screamed “I never have and I never will, Phineas!” but instead I merely said “I’ll tell you about it someday” because I was not going to open up to someone I never met before, but how I regret not doing so.
In the first weeks of sharing a room with Phineas I found that I began to open up to him more than I have with anyone at an alarming rate. But I found comfort in knowing that he was opening up to me as well…hell, he was like an open book from the start. In those first few weeks I found that I was becoming more and more fond of Phineas. I already liked the boy when I first saw him, or rather I liked the idea of him. But getting to know the real Phineas was even better. I found pleasure in knowing I would wake up to him across the room in beautiful sunlight, and comfort in falling asleep to his voice. I was afraid of this growing affinity I felt towards the boy, I was afraid of this unknown feeling. I found myself unable to say no in fear of upsetting him, but I found that I started to hate myself for this…hate Phineas. But, at the same time, I realized that I began to long for Phineas even when we were together.
“Hey…you know that tree?”