Chapter Text
Wooyoung was five when he first heard stories of his ancestors. He was also five when he was told never to love another man. Those words haunted him every day, every second. That was until he sat in his first English class of college. A boy came up to present, he was the same age as Wooyoung; he first saw him during their orientation.
"You were never the first person to travel down your path in the entirety of your ancestry, your lineage." The boy had begun, his voice was smooth; calming to the mind. His diction and pronunciation was phenomenal, Wooyoung couldn't imagine he was actually the same age as him.
But that was only a tiny thought in his mind compared the syllables echoing through his mind, the sounds which created his point. "You were never the first person to travel down your path in the entirety of your ancestry, your lineage." Something of his words resonated, restoring thoughts he wish remained destroyed. His memories of looking at other men, thinking of their lips on his haunted his mind. He sure felt as if he was the first in his family. The words that left those pretty lips- wait, 'pretty lips?' Wooyoung could only think of these sinful thoughts, none of them were rooted in sexuality, simply attraction. They were only sinful because it was another male, his mind raced and tears threatened his eyes while his expression remained unchanging, a wall.
Wooyoung couldn't pay attention to anything the man had said during his presentation, not even what the professor told the class after. He could only think of that dumb phrase, how his lineage might've been... Sinful like himself, he couldn't imagine such a truth. He wanted to lock himself in a closet, ironic how his comfort place is a closet. He wished such a beautiful man would never had crossed his path, his road he walked. He knew he would fall for such dangerous sinful thoughts; giving into the beast that tempted his ancestors, thats if the man's words were true.
"Wooyoung, right?" The beautiful boy came up to him, a smile on his lips. He seemed intimidating by his build but adorable by his smile.
"I saw you at the orientation- i thought you were.. pretty cool, i apologize if this is awkward." The man said, adopting a slight flush to his ears. He was clearly embarrassed by his awkward behavior.
"Yeah, i remember you. I never got a chance to hear your name, what is it?" Wooyoung smiled, attempting to seem normal even though his anxiety pressed on his chest. He felt like suffocating, his eyes avoided the others but instead of behaving normally they'd glance at his lips or his beautifully sculpted features. God, the artist who designed him certainly adored him. 'What a beautiful muse,' Wooyoung thought to himself.
"Oh, my name is Choi San." He smiled, opting to sit beside Wooyoung. The professor had told them to find partners, someone they'd work with for the rest of the year.
"mountain.." Wooyoung's words left his lips without notice, "Wait, sorry, i didn't mean to say that- i just thought your name was cool.. You know, it meaning mountain..." He scrambled to gather himself, a small flush gathering its attention to his neck and ears. He was grateful for the thin layer of foundation he applies before leaving his house.
"Um... I was slightly distracted, what did the professor say? Sorry, a lot is on my mind." He added, an apologetic tone to his voice, he seemed nervous.
"Oh, he just said to socialize and find a partner. We'll work with them for the rest of the year, do you mind being my partner?" San said, less awkward than before but still awkward. He had a tiny tilt to his head as he questioned, scratching his cheek with his index finger- 'oh god wooyoung stop look ay his hands...'
"Yes, that's fine. You seem very capable, it's shocking to know you're my age." Wooyoung laughed, hoping to lighten up the mood even if he was stressing on the inner. He wasn't gay, he never will be. He didn't find San attractive, he just- hadn't been with a girl in a minute.
"Great- then, may i get your number?" San said, a soft smile decorated his lips- god those lips were gonna tie Wooyoung's noose tonight.
"Yes! Of course, it's XXX-XXX-XXXX" The oreo haired told the other. He knew this was the end for him. Once every year or so Wooyoung gets sinful thoughts, he thinks of men, his unwavering attraction to them. He feels disgusted by the feeling his stomach gave him, butterflies. He was simply sharing his number with another boy who'll be his partner for the rest of the year. He was going to be sick, he couldn't wait for this class to end. He's free the rest of the day.
"Perfect-" San said, adding the number to his contacts, sending a message of just his name.
Oh how Wooyoung wished to know what San thought of him, he was desperate. He knew how he thought of San, he was disgusted by how attractive he was. He wondered if San had the same impure sinful thoughts he had. He wondered if San was... Gay. He wondered, the more he wondered the sicker he felt. Why would he want to know what San is? Almost as if it gave him hope. He felt his stomach drop, he was going to be physically sick at the thought, he didn't want anything to do with a flicker of hope. He would give in, he knew how easily he would fall for temptation. He was disgusted, he was worse than Eve. She had no knowledge of how terrible the apple really was, but Wooyoung knew exactly how terrible this apple was. He knew it'll swallow him whole, taking him to hell and losing everything he cared for. All for a sinful idea.
The class continued, the two leaving separately after class finished. He was eternally grateful San had a class following English. Wooyoung walked home, he decided he'll go out to a party and spend time with a girl, maybe make out. The thought made him want to die, but he knew it'd make him normal again. As he was walking the words San spoke drifted to his mind's race track. "You were never the first person to travel down your path in the entirety of your ancestry, your lineage." He wondered if his family, had any of them been gay? No, he was sure they were clean.
Why would anyone from his lineage be gay? Why?? If they were, he wouldn't be so.. Disgusted at the fact, or maybe they realized how wrong and sinful it was. He hoped that there was no... People who had such sinful thoughts before within his bloodline. He wouldn't be able to bear the disgusting truth if there's truly someone who's given into the temptations.