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"Goddamnit! Could those Bai Zhan meatheads NOT, for once?!"
Ah, Shizun must be vexed for him to use the language from his hometown. Chen Meilin sets down the tray of tea things on the low table. "Are they over budget for collateral damage reparations again, Shizun?" Her poor, overworked Shizun only huffs before continuing with his crab-crawl notations.
As Head Disciple of An Ding Peak, it is her duty to help and care for her Peak Lord, who never eats enough or sleeps enough. "Don't fret, Shizun. After lunch, I will go speak to the Bai Zhan Peak Lord." She pushes the steaming tea cup at Shizun. He looks up at her, a sudden grin blooming on his face. He chuckles, nodding. "That's right! The collateral damage reparations dropped by half after last time you "spoke" to Liu-shidi!" He makes a funny gesture with two fingers on each hand, laughing. "For a whole quarter!"
Shizun is so winsome when he smiles with his plump cheeks. Chen Meilin wants to squeeze them, but has to refrain. If ever the kindest, gentlest Peak Lord decides to punish a disciple, it might be for that. Chen Meilin presses a sleeve to her lips to hide her smile.
Just as she stands up to fetch him some snacks, a glowing blue gash appears midair and a demon falls out. An ice demon, no less. With a blue huadian of demon royalty*.
Well, now... For some, this might be a shocking event, but somehow, having it occur with Shizun is... unsurprising. He just attracts odd phenomena. IS an odd phenomenon himself.
Shizun's face is pale and open-mouthed with terror. But... The terror seems to not be for the fact that a demon just literally dropped in on him, in his presumably warded home. It's more for the demon who is bleeding profusely onto the bamboo floor.
The demon has fallen face down, but he lifts his head enough to look for Shizun, and reaches out a hand before he falls unconscious. Rather than calling for his sword, Shizun yells "My king!" as he rushes over to scoop the giant demon up like a bride and carries him to the bedroom.
Chen Meilin feels her eyebrows climb to an unprecedented high. With a few quick steps, she lifts the silk curtain to peek into the room. Normally, Chen Meilin would never intrude into Shizun's private space, but she has a feeling he is not going to notice this time.
She is wrong. Shizun whips back around, eyes wide. "A-Lin, I...I can explain... Please don't run off, okay? Please please don't go to Yue shixiong, not just yet, okay? I just need some time to, to..."
Her sweet and gentle Shizun pulls himself up straight, and suddenly LOOKS like an immortal Peak Lord.
"YOU WILL BE SILENT!" Shizun says, his voice an echoing thunder. His eyes, frantic a moment ago, now burns with... with... something awful. The very air darkens. The leisure house quivers on its foundation, making the tea cup rattle off the table and smash on the ground.
Chen Meilin is frozen in shock. Shizun is... is so very impressive! Even Liu shishu, the War God himself, would hesitate to take him on like THAT!
A blink, and Shizun deflates. He is once again an ordinary, mousey clerk. His eyes are still frantic, but they have lost the kill-you-to-seal-your-lips gleam. "Please, A-Lin, if you ever had any gratitude or compassion or, or any kindly thought for your Shizun... You can go straight to Yue zhangmen after this, but please let me stop his bleeding first."
Chen Meilin is too flabbergasted to respond, which Shizun apparently took for agreement, because he turns back to the demon on the bed. He mutters about stupid himbos (a term from Shizun's hometown roughly translated as "the way Bai Zhan disciples are") while efficiently stripping the demon to the waist. He is maybe... too efficient? As if he's done this before, and more than once, at that.
Colluding with demons. That is something she never would have thought her righteous Shizun is capable of. Still standing at the doorway, she watches as he cleans the wound in the demon's side, a ragged tear that goes from sternum to hip. It has started to clot, but still weeping blood.
She notices something odd about the way he moves. An extra bit of care that, no matter how skilled or devoted a healer Mu shishu is, never display.
Chen Meilin thinks if her eyebrows climb any higher, they will need a watch tower.
Shizun is in love with the demon. An ice demon, no less. With a blue huadian of demon royalty.
Oh my...
But even stranger, he doesn't touch the demon the way a lover would. For all his extra care, Shizun never touches the demon with the tenderness Chen Meilin imagines. No passing caresses, no clutching of hands, not even a misty eye over such a grievous injury!
If anything, Shizun looks tired and exasperated. But then, that's the natural state for Shizun. He stands over the prone demon, hands clenching and unclenching in his anxiety. The demon is... extraordinarily handsome. And his sculpted chest is... ahem. Chen Meilin realizes she's staring and turns away, blushing furiously. Shizun has unparalleled tastes in male beauty.
At this point she remembers her duty: To help and care for her Peak Lord Shizun. She goes to brew a tisane that boosts regrowth of tissues.
***********************
She holds out the bowl of medicine on its tray and catches her Shizun's eyes. After years of working side by side, over monthly budget, over reparations costs, she does not need to state her decision aloud for him to hear it. She will support his ill-advised love affair with the same devotion she has for her studies and cultivation.
Shizun does hear it, and gives her a wobbly smile, his eyes glossy. He has since bandaged up his surprise visitor and is fussing uselessly at the ends of the fabric strips. Sitting down on the bed, he pulls the demon up to lean on his chest, and stills for half a moment, holding the demon against him. Then, flashing her a grateful smile, Shizun takes the bowl and begins to spoon feed the mountain of demonic muscle, sip by sip. Chen Meilin hands him a handkerchief to blot the drips that spill. The demon opens his blue, blue eyes and looks at Shizun. Then his eyes flutter shut, though his breathing seems easier.
The glance takes only a sliver of time, but she catches it.
The demon is in love with Shizun.
Oh no.
So it's a demon-cultivator romance! That is quite fashionable right now, what with the Heavenly Emperor and his Consort, and the Sha Saintess with the veiled Xian Shu disciple.
Hmm, what is it with demons and Qiong Ding Peak cultivators? Wen shishu of the Beastmasters Peak once taught that some animals emit a unique scent that attracts mates. Do Qiong Ding cultivators do that, but with demons?
Chen Meilin snorts, but quickly cough to hide it. "Shizun, I am leaving now. I will go speak to Liu shishu and return with your dinner." Shizun doesn't seem to have heard her, or have any attention to spare for anything but the huge bed demon.
Hihi, bed demon sounds...interesting. Going to have to arrange to have tea with Liu shimei about it...
***************************
Not only is Chen Meilin an exemplary student with a memory sharper than obsidian blades, she also pays particular attention in classes that pertain to the demon realm. And it does not take any time for her to put all the ingredients together in the pot: the luxurious furs that Shizun stuffs into the back of his wardrobe, the exquisite guan and jewelry that she's never seen him wear, some of the rarer plants in his medicinal garden. They are all from demon territory, particularly the ice-encrusted north, where the Mobei clan rules. Where the current reigning monarch is rumored to have a favored human advisor... Ayia, Shizun. You are ambitious!
"He is Mobei Jun, of the Northern Desert clan," Chen Meilin states.
Shizun nods and buries his face in his hands. They are seated at the small table in the study, ignoring both the now-cold tea and the demon still napping in Shizun's bed. "And you've been with him a long time." Shizun nods again without removing his face. Aiy, a secret love affair! That's too romantic!
"What?! No, no! It's not like that!" Shizun exclaims, standing up so fast he nearly knocks over his chair.
Aiya! Must have said it out loud. She is taking up Shizun's bad habit of doing that! Must break it quickly; she's seen it get him in trouble plenty.
But she's not wrong!
"He's just... Just my boss! You know! Scary demon master and all that! He kidnapped me, er, yes, kidnapped me and th-threatened my life, and er, --"
Chen Meilin starts building that watch tower for her eyebrows, because the longer Shizun goes on about his scary demon master, the more obvious it becomes that she is not wrong.
And that Shizun is not aware his feelings are returned...
Oh Shizun, could YOU not?
***************************
A demon-cultivator romance, but with unrequited pining on both sides? It may be a romance for decades to come, maybe even surpassing Resentment of Chunsan! But it can not stand! Shizun deserves marital bliss, even if it's with an ice demon with a blue royal huadian. She will "ship" them, like Shizun "shipped" Han shidi and Li shimei, who will wed next moon.
Now that she's aware, Chen Meilin catches all the tiny discrepancies she has missed before. The dredges of tea left in the cup is sometimes frozen when she comes to pick up the dirty dishes. Parts of the wall or furniture that feel oddly cold to the touch, as if they have been pressed against a block of ice until just recently. Hitherto, Chen Meilin has attributed these kinds of things to the general chaos that Shizun is comprised of. But now she occasionally catches the wispy outline of hoarfrost around the bedroom door, or when the leisure house is oddly chilly, even when it's a warm evening.
She sets out the two bowls of rice and then the steaming dishes. "The kitchen has roasted mutton today. I know Shizun doesn't particularly care for it, but..." But demons love meat, and roasted meat even more. "And there's persimmon. The last shipment was stellar, Shizun. On time, and every crate was more than adequate," There's not many fruits that grow in ice, Chen Meilin thinks, as she deftly slices each persimmon into wedges. "I brought extra food today, Shizun, because you need to eat more," Chen Meilin says as she pulls out a bundle of chopsticks from the basket. No matter how much Shizun eats, he wouldn't need more than one pair of chopstick, but if he's not going to acknowledge the sleeping demon, Chen Meilin will not either.
***************************
Even with a steadfast heart, she can think up no concrete "shipping" plan. It only comes to her after an ordinary exchange with Shizun.
Half because it is within a Head Disciple's purview to report inter-peak relationship developments to the Peak Lord, and half because she knows his secret penchant for gossip, she begins with, "Shizun, would you like some 'tea'?", as she sets a cup down to steep. Hearing the stress on the word "tea", Shizun perks up. "Sure, spill it!"
"After the mandatory team-building exercise the night before, Zhang shidi gave Xu shimei a huge bouquet of Silken Twilight Confessions Lilies that he harvested on his own!"
Shizun's eyes widens, as does his smile. "Ooh, that's serious! Those are pretty rare, you know. He's got it bad for her, if he went all the way to the human-demon border for flowers!"
"We may well have another wedding coming up, Shizun."
He nods vigorously, still smiling. "Ah, young love. How cute!"
It is not until Chen Meilin is nearly out the door does she notices the frost rime near the yellow silk curtain.
And it is not until a week later that her incidental conversion with Shizun cooks up into rice.
***************************
As Chen Meilin trots up the path to the leisure house with Shizun's dinner, she hears shouting and the sound of pottery shattering on the wall. She rushes up and through the door, to see Shizun... fighting? ... a huge plant?
Chen Meilin can't help but tilt her head. Shizun has his sword in hand, but he's holding it by the scabbard. The plant has a giant flower bud that has unfurled a tiny bit so that pink petals poke out like a pair of lips. It also has many vines. One of which is wrapped around Shizun's ankle, another also holding Shizun's sword, pulling on it as if they were playing the children's game of tug-a-rope, and one was... trying to undo his belt?
She got stellar marks in Shen shibo's class on demonic flora; she can recognize a Tentacled Verdant Dreamer on sight. Even an immature one. They are known to particularly like eating humans and having congress with them, in no particular order.
"My king, agh! Fuck! My king dropped it off. He said," Shizun twists, trying to kick off the vine tugging on his leg. "He said it likes humans too, and then just fucked off. And now this bullshit I wrote in when I was high on Red Bull is biting me in the ass. Literally!!"
A lot of Shizun's words don't make sense, especially in times of stress when he is less guarded with his speech. But Chen Meilin knows what she heard, and mashes her lips together to hide a smile and begins to sing.
It's a nursery song, one every mother sings by the cradle. Within two lines, the demonic plant stops moving and turns toward the singer. By the first chorus, it has slowly sprawled onto the floor, vines retracting. As Shizun is freed, he curses at cucumbers. His hometown has a superstition about them.
The plant finally droops and seems to sleep, vines still writhing lethargically.
Chen Meilin finishes the song on an extra long note and glances over at Shizun. He rubs his face and sighs, looking as if he's ready to ascend to divinity right now. "This Tentacled Verdant Dreamer plant is quite endearing, Shizun. Where shall we keep it?" She helpfully supplies the name, in case Shizun does not remember, because while he is extremely knowledgeable, he is often absent-minded and forgetful. "It's a what now? Oh, fuck no! No, we can't keep it! I'll just... I'll figure something out."
He dismisses his sword and her with a wave, still looking rather put-upon. Chen Meilin bites the inside of her lips and says with a bow, "But Shizun, it's a gift from your zhiji*. You can not "yeet" it back into the demon realm. Perhaps if we plant it towards the back garden, where the rabbit warrens are, so it can feed itself? I'll fetch us the gardening tools." It takes until she reaches the front door for Shizun to realize what she has said. "Say what?! He's not my, my--" Chen Meilin snickers and shuts the door before he can lie.
"It likes humans, too."
Ah, my Lord Demon of the North, can you BE more obvious?
And Shizun, can you be more OBLIVIOUS?
Clearly, more "shipping" is required.
***************************
Because the "scientific method" Shen shibo teaches requires that one confirm one's supposition before declaring it fact, Chen Meilin sets out to prove that the scary demon master is quite willing to follow human courting rituals, once he has been informed of them. To this end, she pours hot tea into Shizun's cup before saying, "The tea is especially delicious today, Shizun." Hearing that, he perks up and turns smiling eyes on her. "What kind of tea is it?!"
With a surreptitious glance at the near invisible frost streaming around the curtain on the bedroom door, she says "A certain pretty xiao shimei from Xian Shu Peak--"
Shizun rolls his eyes as he reaches for the bowl of melon seeds."Which one, they're all pretty. They're supposed to be."
Chen Meilin puts that "supposed to be" comment in her pocket for later. "Gao shimei has declared that she will marry whichever suitor that slays the biggest demonic beast at the Autumnal Harvest Hunt," she says, watching Shizun's eyes widen in a oh-that's-too-scandalous-tell-me-more way.
He snorts and says, "Lemme guess, suddenly the boys from Bai Zhan Peak doubled their training regiment, 'to prepare for the Hunt', right?" He makes the hand gestures again.
"Quadruple, Shizun. Mu shishu reports that in the last week, fully half of his patients have been Bai Zhan disciples with training-related injuries. And he will need extra supplies for the coming months." Chen Meilin scoots the stack of requisition forms towards him.
Shizun groans and turns back his expense report. "Send those meatheads to horny jail!"
Chen Meilin gives a polite chuckle, though she doesn't understand his comment, and bows herself out. She sneaks one last look at the frost eddying at the bedroom door before leaving.
***************************
"--barely got the blood out from the last time he fucking..." Shizun's loud muttering trails off as Chen Meilin opens the front door. He is on his knees, scrubbing furiously at a large greenish stain on the nightingale floor. A lump the size of five cabbages wrapped in bedsheets sits by the back door.
Shizun looks up, rolls his eyes, and mutters, "Oh, hey A-Lin. HE dropped by to give me this giant head from an Articulated Something Something. It was still warm! And fucking bleeding everywhere!" He tosses the rag down with a huff. " It's beneficial for human vigor, he said. Whatever the fuck that means," Shizun shakes his head and gestures at the lump.
Chen Meilin is holding back a laugh so hard her stomach clenches. Stellar student that she is, and with Shen shibo being extremely learnèd about demons even before his entanglement with the Heavenly Emperor, she knows exactly what is meant by "human vigor": the demonic beast's venom sac can be rendered into an antidote for the many aphrodisiac flora that often require dual cultivation to cure, or rendered into such an aphrodisiac itself.
"Ah, but Articulated Abyssal Basilisk vemon can be rather useful, in the medical sense, isn't that true, Shizun? Perhaps Mu shishu can make use of it. Shall this disciple deliver it there for you?"
"Yea sure, whatever, just get it out of here."
Ah, Lord Demon of the North, you are not subtle.
And Shizun, you are denser than tofu soup.
A stronger "ship" is needed.
***************************
With a freshly cooked scheme, Chen Meilin eyes the silk-curtained doorway and says, "Shizun, I must ask your permission, on behalf of Gu shimei." She stops here for dramatic effect.
"Yu shidi has asked her to take a stroll with him tonight, to observe the moon together, so that they can form a mating-pair bond," She stops again to catch his eye.
"Uh, why are you talking like that? It sounds weirdly familiar... But why do you need my permission? Haven't you had full control of the disciples' schedule since forever?" Shizun scrunches his eyebrows, but does not look up from his ink-splotted ledger.
Chen Meilin, well aware of who is just out of view behind the yellow curtain, only says, "Then since Shizun does not object, this disciple will let her know. Gu shimei will be excited for this chance to participate in the human courting ritual."
"Okay...? Don't know why you're being weird today, but sure," he has yet to look up from the ledger. Chen Meilin takes the empty basket, bows to Shizun, and leaves.
***************************
Three days later, when she brings Shizun his lunch, she finds him huddled at his desk, covered in so many pelts that he resembles a pile of discarded fur. The ends of his all his fingers are bandaged, making his brush strokes more atrocious than usual. His nose looks red and chapped.
"Shizun, what happened??"
He gives her an annoyed look. "Minor frostbite. My king dragged me to the coldest mountain top in the North, and we stood there for an hour."
"Oh?" Chen Meilin has the premonition that the water will not fill the bucket. "To what purpose?"
"Fuck if I know. The aurora was pretty wild, though, so close you could almost touch it."
"Hmm, mayhap he wants you to see more of his homeland?"
Shizun looks up, surprised. "Ah? Maybe you're right. All these years I've pretty much been cooped up at the Northern Fortress. So yea, I guess that was a new experience."
Ayi, Shizun! You are too dense!
Lord Demon of the North, you are not subtle. But you must be MORE so!
**************************
After a few more disastrous "shipping" attempts, Chen Meilin is as frustrated as the Demon Lord must be. At this rate, he might well just kidnap Shizun and elope.
Hmmm.... That is an intriguing premise...
It's a melodramatic plan, but the situation is growing dire. Needs must.
She waits under a blooming haitang tree, until she sees the merest flash of blue light from the crack under Shizun's front door. Ah, the Demon Lord has arrived! It is time to present her performative interpretation of Silken Twilight Confessions Lily.
Right.
Squaring her shoulders, lifting her chin, she marches to the front door.
Having learned from the War God himself, she grounds her back heel, and kicks the door in. The loud bang it makes as it slams open startles her, as well as Shizun, who is scribbling at his desk. The demon who had been lounging in Shizun's chair, idly leafing through a book, bolts upright upon her abrupt intrusion. Within half a blink, he has summoned and leveled a spear of black ice at her throat. It does not escape her notice that he has moved directly between her and Shizun.
"A-Lin, what's going --
Steeling herself, she drives the wagon downhill.
"Shizun, I am here to ask for your hand in marriage."
Both man and demon jerk up, freeze. Shizun eyes nearly pop out as he attempts to say words. "Wha--"
"I can not refrain any longer. I must have you, lest I die of sorrow and turn into seafoam like the jiaoren* in your story," Chen Meilin tries to put a wobble in her voice, as if it's taking all the courage of her maiden heart to tell him so.
Seeing Shizun still too dumbfounded to play his part in her drama, Chen Meilin hurriedly presses on with the script.
"Shizun, my family is not wealthy, I can not promise you fabulous gems to wear as you deserve, nor a lavish castle bustling with servants to serve your every whim. All I can offer is the entirety of my humble heart, laid at your feet. Please accept, for I will not survive the breaking of it." Shizun gapes at her; she blinks at him. Did she put too many barrels in the boat? No, it is just emphatic enough to have some kind of impact!
Chen Meilin holds her breath, every bit as anxious as a real suitor would be.
My Lord Demon, it's your turn! If you do not claim him now, I might become my own shi niang*! She notices that the entire floor is now iced over. The huge demon's expression doesn't change, but his eyes glows with murderous intent. His roiling demonic qi is oppressive.
Gulping, Chen Meilin can only hope that the demon will not skewer her like tanghulu in front of her Shizun. He makes a noise like a disgruntled bear before snatching Shizun by the scruff of his robes. "No," he rumbled. "Shang Qinghua belongs to me." The gleaming spear he still holds seems less lethal than his glare.
Aiyo! What's this? Is it finally working? She can hardly contain her glee, already wishing for melon seeds to snack on while this drama continues to unfold!
The demon turns to Shizun, leans down in his face, and growls, "Mine!"
He yanks Shizun close, so that they are nearly chest to chest. "All the jewels of the North, all of the North, is yours. All of me. There is no world without you."*
Then he kisses Shizun!
Aiyo! That's even more salacious than expected!
Aiiy, the kiss is... rather intense. And prolonged...
Chen Meilin looks away while biting both her lips closed so she doesn't squeal out loud.
Half an era passes. Hearing them part, she swings back around. Neither of them notice her presence. Shizun displays a dozen emotions, each chasing another across his face: confusion, shock, disbelief, other more complicated expressions. His mouth opens and closes soundlessly, the lips red and shiny.
"Wha, wha--" he still only manages to say before the gigantic demon hoists him over the shoulder. A flare of blue demonic qi as a portal opens. The demon steps through it with the Shizun bundle and the spatial rift closes behind them with a zippling noise. Chen Meilin manages to shout "Shizun, I rescind my proposal!" at their parting backs, laughing.
She shudders with the sudden influx of bitter Northern wind, but she is elated. She has successfully "shipped" Shizun, thereby fulfilling some of her duties in aiding and caring for him. She hums a nursery song as she leaves, closing the door behind her.
"Ah, young love. How cute!" indeed... You are so wise, Shizun!