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“I’d be a really good big brother!”
It begins with Robin, near the end of a slow, freezing cold patrol.
“B?”
“Hn.”
“B?” The single letter is drawn out this time, into a long, meaningful question.
Batman sighs internally, looking down at his son. “What is it, Robin?”
Robin beams up at him from his perch on the edge of the rooftop. “You know how I’ve been super responsible lately, and I’ve been listening to you and Agent A really well, and I got almost all A’s on my last report card, and I was really helpful with the kids during that evacuation the other night?”
He’d known it was too good to not be a plot. Apparently the other shoe is about to drop. “Hn.”
Robin takes a deep breath, clearly psyching himself up. Oh god, he’s about to ask for a jet ski. Or a gun. “Well, I love you and Agent A a lot, but you’re kinda old, and I think it’d be really cool to have someone to hang out with…”
Oh thank Gotham, he wants a puppy.
“So I was wondering if you’d ever consider getting another kid.”
What.
“I’d be a really good big brother!” Dick rushes on before Bruce can respond. As if he can form words through the error signal that’s echoing around his brain. “I’d be a really good influence, and I’d teach them to eat all their vegetables, and make them do their homework, and I’d be able to protect them really well because I’m Robin, and I was really good at helping with the little kids the other night, so you know I’d do a good job-”
“Robin.” Bruce holds up a hand. Because he is Bruce right now, cowl or not. His brain bears too much resemblance to an overheated processor right now to be Batman. “Slow down.”
Dick’s mouth snaps shut for all of two seconds before he’s talking again. “I’m just saying, you’re a pretty cool dad, and our house is…big enough that it seems like a waste to not have at least one other kid there, and Jamie says brothers are the worst, but he’s definitely lying-”
“Robin.” Bruce’s voice is a little gentler this time. “I am sure you would be a wonderful big brother. You’ve made your case. But I didn’t take you in because I was planning to adopt a kid. I took you in because you’re you. I like having you around, chum, but I’m not sure I’m looking to take on responsibility for another child.”
Robin’s shoulders slumped, and he kicked his feet, heels hitting the bricks of the building they were perched on. “Oh. Okay.”
Batman hesitates, then claps a hand on his son’s shoulder, unsure what else to say.
“I’m glad you like having me around,” Robin says, sounding for a moment like the little boy Bruce had brought home a few years ago.
Batman is very thankful that the cowl hides his expression. “Always, chum,” he manages.
Forty-six hours later, Dick is sprawled on his bed, chewing on a pencil while he scowls at his Latin textbook. He isn’t allowed on patrol tonight, since he has a big test tomorrow, and he really just wants to finish this section so he can keep his eyes open tomorrow. Alfred’s busy running comms, which will buy him time.
He hears a faint thud, and it sounds a lot like the knocker on Manor door. Dick frowns, sitting up. It’s 2 a.m., who the heck is showing up at the front door right now? It can’t mean anything good. Maybe Robin’s going to hit the streets tonight after all.
The pencil hits his notebook with a soft thump, and he pads down the hallway, keeping to the shadows as he checks the foyer. Alfred is opening the front door, apparently not the least bit surprised as he greets…Batman? What the heck is going on?
Then he steps aside, and a skinny kid in a ragged red sweatshirt slips past him, arms folded defensively across his narrow chest. Batman nods and leaves, the Batmobile’s engine purring as he leaves.
Dick flies down the stairs, and the kid flinches back. Alfred holds up a hand to warn Dick back.
“Master Dick, I would appreciate if you did not overwhelm our young friend. Master Bruce’s friend has brought him here to stay for a while.”
Dick and the strange boy stare each other down. He’s only a couple years younger than Dick, but they’ve got the same black curls, similar blue eyes, and the kid looks like he can scrap.
“Oh my god,” Dick breathes. “He really did it.”
The boy’s eyes narrow. “Did what?” he snaps.
Dick can feel the grin spreading across his face like syrup. “I kinda told Batman that I wanted a sibling. The old bat actually-” he breaks off laughing, so hard he doubles over. “I didn’t mean he should just drop a kid off in the middle of the night!”
The kid’s scowl deepens, but he looks as confused as he does angry. “I’m not a fucking birthday present. I stole his tires; it was this or juvie.”
Dick beams. “You stole Batman’s tires ? You and I are gonna get along great.” He sticks out a hand. “I’m Dick Grayson. B’s first foster fail.”
The boy squares his shoulders and shakes the offered hand. “Jason Todd,” he mutters.
“Perhaps I should make you both some cocoa while Master Dick goes and wakes Master Bruce?” Alfred gives Dick a look that isn’t nearly as severe as it could be. “It is a rather cold night.”
“Yes please, Alfie!” Dick runs up the stairs, then creeps back down as soon as Jason and Alfred vanish into the kitchen. He practically sprints down to the Batcave, meeting Bruce at the bottom of the stairs and leaping to hug him like a monkey.
“B, you’re the beeeeest! I’m gonna be the best big brother ever!”
Bruce doesn’t even bother trying to explain, just hugs his son closer as he heads up to the Manor.
“You should get another kid.”
The next time it happens, it’s Jason’s fault.
“Gettoff, Dickie!”
“Is a guy not even allowed to hug his own baby brother?” Dick slumps dramatically across the settee, going boneless as Jason tries to push him away. He sniffs, pretending to tear up. “You used to be so cute.”
“You’ve known for like a year and a half, Dickhead! I didn’t use to be anything except skinnier!”
“Almost two years,” Dick corrects primly. “And you definitely used to be cuter. I know these things, because I am older and therefore wiser than you will ever be.”
Jason groans, but they’re interrupted by Bruce. He rests a hand against the library door, watching them with that peaceful expression that’s as good as a smile from him.
Dick springs up off the settee. “Are you done with your meeting?”
“Hn.” It’s an affirmative grunt, and both boys whoop.
“Ice cream time!” Jason cheers.
Dick makes a dash for the door. “I call shotgun!”
Jason flings himself after Dick. “Wait, no, you got it last time!”
“Perks of being the oldest!” Dick sings, not slowing down even slightly.
“You suck!” Jason wails, falling back with Bruce. His foster dad ruffles his hair, and Jason grumbles. “Being the youngest sucks. You should get another kid. But they have to be younger than me, so I don’t have to be the youngest anymore.”
“Hn.” Bruce opens the rear door for him, and Jason climbs in, waiting until Bruce closes the car door to kick the back of Dick’s seat. Dick is too busy basking in his success to care.
Bruce slides into the driver’s seat, checking both boy’s seatbelts. “Jason gets the front seat on the way home,” he says.
“What? No!” Dick cries, but he’s drowned out by Jason’s crow of victory.
A couple days later, Jason and Dick meet Alfred in the pick-up line with a small boy in tow. Alfred assesses the three of them. The youngest boy looks vaguely familiar. His hair is black. His eyes are blue. He is very small for his age. Dick and Jason sandwich him, slightly manic grins on their faces.
“This is Tim. He’s coming home with us,” Jason declares.
Alfred looks down at Tim. The boy seems slightly awed, but unconcerned. “Have you asked your parents for permission?” Alfred asks with a vague sense of dread.
“Oh, they don’t care,” Tim says quickly.
Jason’s smile is a little too sharp. “That’s right. They’re in Nepal. For the next two months.”
“And he’s too old for a nanny,” Dick chimes in. “I asked.”
Alfred opens the rear door. “Well, I was planning to try a new recipe for chocolate cherry cookies. An additional palate would be most helpful.”
Three pairs of blue eyes light up, and the boys clamber into the car. Alfred takes a moment to sigh before he drives the boys home. If they’re right, there is no way he or Bruce will allow Tim to return to an empty house for the next two months. Alfred may as well begin preparing a guest room while the first batch of cookies bakes.
A couple days later, Jason and Dick are sprawled across a couch in the lounge, rewatching the Princess Bride.
“You know,” Jason comments, “It’s kinda funny. I was just saying it would be nice to have a little brother.”
Dick laughs, grabbing another handful of popcorn from the giant bowl on Jason’s lap. “That’s a dangerous game, Jay. I said that once, and you showed up with your tire iron less than two days later.”
Jason grins. “Better watch what we say, or we’ll have a whole manor full of siblings.”
“I should have asked for a little sister instead.”
Jason has seen too much, survived too much in his fifteen years on this earth. He thought he had seen the worst of humanity, but nothing could have prepared him for this level of betrayal. A betrayal that shakes him to the very core, the foundations of his trust cracked and broken.
The pranks had started a month ago. They were all pretty sure Alfred was going to step in and call a halt any day now, so they had to make the most of their time. That meant keeping quiet. That meant making each prank count .
And now BlueJay is dangling upside-down in the middle of Robinson Park, strung up in his own grapple, a sign propped against the tree beneath him. He wriggles, trying to get to the knots, but Robin had tied them, and he already knows it’s going to be a futile effort. It’s just making him spin slowly, and putting on a more entertaining show for his brothers. He knows for a fact they’ll be camped somewhere nearby, laughing themselves sick.
War is hell.
“Free to a good home.” Someone reads the sign aloud.
He recognizes the throaty voice and he groans, giving up on the knots. “Hi, Aunt Ivy.”
“Little birds shouldn’t be up so late, especially with their wings clipped.” She stops in front of him. Or tries. He’s still spinning slowly. “I wasn’t aware I was up to anything nefarious tonight.”
“Brothers suck,” he mutters to the tree bark. “I should have asked for a little sister instead. I bet she’d be nice to me. Maybe I’ll ask B for a little sister for my birthday.”
“I’m an only child, but I somehow doubt sisters are any better.”
Jay sighs. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Mind cutting me down so I can go kick their butts?”
“Hmm.” He’s spun back around to face her, and Ivy leans down, tipping her head to see his face more clearly. He knows it’s red as a tomato under the mask. He’s been hanging here a while. “What are you offering?”
“C’mon, Aunt Ivy!”
“I can’t be seen helping a Bird for nothing.”
“I’ll buy you a fern?”
“I let you go, you let me go.”
“Come oooooon, Ives, you know I can’t!”
“Take it or leave it, BlueJay.”
“I can’t make Batsy do anything, but I’ll move slow.”
“You know, you’re about the same color as these dahlias I’ve been experimenting with…”
“Ugghhhhh. Head my direction next time and I’ll let you get by me.”
“Good enough.” A vine snakes down from the tree, looping around his ankle. Ivy snips through the wires with a set of pruning shears that he’s 99% sure she doesn’t keep around for plants. He half-hopes that the vine will gently lower him to the grass. Instead it flicks him into the air like an errant bug, and he somersaults, barely managing to stick the landing as the head rush hits.
He stumbles, then lifts his hands. “I’m good,” he manages. “All good. Thanks, Ivy, you’re…well, I would say the best, but you just took thorough advantage of me, so you’re actually my least favorite aunt right now.”
She shrugs. “I’m in competition with Harley, and I’m a Rogue. I rarely expect to be at the top of the list. Get out of my park.”
He snaps off a two fingered salute, trying not to weave as he walks away. “Yes ma’am, I got some feathery butts to kick. Tell Aunt Harley I said hi!”
“I will.”
Less than a week later, Batman comes home with a tiny dark-eyed girl. She huddles under Batman’s cape, watching them all carefully. Nightwing, BlueJay, and Red Robin keep their distance at first, trying not to scare her. After a few minutes of assessing them, studying the cave, she slips out into the open.
She pokes Red Robin in the stomach, and smiles as he splutters. She doesn’t say a word, but she relaxes. It seems they’ve passed some kind of test. She pats BlueJay on the head.
“She hasn’t spoken a word,” Batman says. “I don’t think she can. I’m running a DNA test now, to see if we can find her name or family.”
The girl flinches, and latches onto Nightwing’s arm. She twines her fingers through his, leaning against his side. He raises his eyebrows. “Yeah, not sure she’s going anywhere.”
BlueJay shrugs. “I was just saying the other day I wouldn’t mind having a sister. Better than all brothers.”
“I can’t guarantee we’re keeping her, boys-”
“Nope, the adoption curse strikes again.” Nightwing laughs, and wraps an arm around the girl’s shoulders, careful to telegraph his movements so he won’t startle her. She snuggles in happily. “Jay said the magic words. She’s ours now.”
“You gotta be nice to me, though,” BlueJay insists. “That’s the whole point.”
The girl says nothing, but she smiles.
“I wish I had a fun sibling!”
“There’s no way it’s real.”
“I’m telling you, it’s happened every time!” Nightwing insists. “One of us says something about wanting a new sibling, and within the week, one shows up!”
“That’s how we got you,” BlueJay agrees solemnly. “I say one little thing about wanting a younger sibling, and four days later, we met you.”
“You dragged me home and wouldn’t let me leave,” Red Robin says drily. “I think that’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“No, because it’s so specific! I said I wanted a sister, and B brought Black Bat home!”
Nightwing points at BlueJay to emphasize his agreement. “See?”
“I didn’t pick her out. I didn’t even tell B about the conversation with Ivy. I just came home a few days later, and there she was!”
Black Bat lifts the bottom of her mask so she can eat the fries she’s stealing from Nightwing’s bag. “I believe you,” she signs. “Gotham is strange.”
“Right? Weird shit happens here all the time; why not an adoption curse?”
“And that’s why you have to be careful what you say.” Nightwing flicks his sister’s hand away from the Batburger bag. She retaliates and – after a brief scuffle – takes custody of the whole bag. “Otherwise you end up with new siblings who do nothing but torment you and steal your fries.”
Red Robin scoffs. “Obviously magic exists, but an adoption curse is just stupid. There’s nothing scientific about your supposed pattern. You’ve probably said you wanted siblings, or different siblings, a hundred times. You just only remember it when B gets protective over another kid.”
“Well, we’re not risking it. Got too damn many of you already,” BlueJay says. He tries to steal a fry from his sister. He does not succeed. “I remember being an only child, you know. Life was good.”
“We were all only children,” Nightwing protests. “And it sucked. For all of us.”
Red Robin raises his voice, shouting across Gotham’s rooftops. “I wish I had-”
BlueJay tackles him, and they almost roll off the roof. Black Bat grabs them, yanking them back from the edge, and shakes her head at them. Red Robin manages to drag his brother’s hand away from his mouth, craning his head out of reach. “I wish I had a fun sibling! Like a sister who’s actually-”
He’s cut off, grunting as BlueJay shoves him to the roof. “You have fun siblings! You have me! Stop tempting the curse!”
“I bet you twenty bucks,” Red Robin says. “I said the words. Now you can’t say anything to B, or interfere in any way. One month. If we somehow end up with another sibling by then, you win. If nothing happens, I win and there is no curse.”
BlueJay gets in a noogie before he rolls off him, dusting off his knees. “I’ll take that bet, Baby Bird.”
Nightwing shakes his head. “Better tell Agent A to start getting one of the spare rooms ready.”
“Unknown figure in a purple costume, found staking out Cluemaster’s operation. In pursuit.”
“Copy, RR,” Batman confirms. “I’m coming your way.”
“Do you want backup?”
“Negative, BlueJay. Stay in position.”
“Copy that.”
BlueJay returns his attention to his current stakeout, munching on another Taki. A few minutes later, Batman’s voice comes over the comms again.
“Red Robin has sustained a concussion. Returning to the Cave with him now.”
Jay’s eyebrows rise. “What happened?”
“The figure in purple hit him with a brick. She appears to be young, probably still in her teens, wearing a homemade costume.”
BlueJay grins, and eats another Taki. “Imagine that. A whole new baby vigilante in Gotham. We should probably look into that.”
“Shut up, Jay,” Red Robin grumbles, voice muffled. He’s probably curled up in the backseat of the Batmobile. “You don’t know anything.”
“Mm-hmm.” Jay will keep his mouth shut for now. He wants his $20. But he’s also going to call Dick as soon as he knows their little brother is safe, and tell him the curse activated in less than 24 hours this time.
They track Spoiler down and Batman convinces her to team up, rather than trying to continue solo. A week later, she, Red Robin, and Batman have a showdown, and Cluemaster tries to kill the new vigilante.
Spoiler slams the door of the Batmobile, storming across the Cave. “Freaking asshole !” she yells, yanking off her cape and mask. Red Robin’s already unmasked her and they know her identity; there’s not much point trying to hide it. “He’s a shit dad and a shit person! You should’ve let me strangle him!”
Red Robin and Batman follow her, shucking off their own gear. “I won’t let you kill, Spoiler.” Batman’s voice is calm, but firm. “You’re still young. Even if it wasn’t part of my code to prevent killing, I wouldn’t let a child kill their own father. You don’t need that on your conscience.”
She clenches her mask in one fist. “Didn’t seem to have much problem trying to kill his own kid,” she mutters. “Should’ve had the decency to just go get milk like a normal dad. But nooo, Arthur Freaking Brown has to put on a fugly suit and try to pour acid on my face instead. What an ASSHOLE!”
Bruce takes off his gloves, setting them neatly on top of his cowl by the computer. “There are punching bags in the training area,” he says quietly. “When you’re ready, Agent A will have food and a guest room ready upstairs.”
Steph scowls. “I should go home.”
“If you prefer.”
She glares at Tim. “You should’ve left well enough alone, Robbie.” Tim wisely keeps silent, and Steph huffs, stalking off toward the punching bags.
TIm decides not to tell his siblings about the conversation.
It doesn’t make much difference. Steph stays the night, and in the morning all of his siblings are waiting at the breakfast table with the biggest satisfied smirks Tim’s ever seen. Dick has even driven over from his new place in Bludhaven. They say nothing incriminating, determined not to jeopardize their $20, but as Tim and Steph argue over pancakes, he knows he’s already lost.
At least she’s fun, like he asked.
“Yes, Dad”
“Oracle, we’re done for the night. Everyone is safe. Get some sleep.”
“Yes, Dad,” she snarks.
Steph cheers, and Babs groans.
“Shit, I just triggered it, didn’t I?”
“Now you have to accept the bedroom! No more guest room; you’re staying in the family wing now.”
“About time,” Cass agrees.
“I’ll see you at Sunday brunch, O,” Jason grins.
“It’s no use saying I’ve already got a dad, is it?”
“You can have two dads,” Dick says. “You put up a good fight, but they’re not letting you go now.”
“...how does he not have any bio kids?”
“Well, how else am I supposed to get your attention?” Catwoman runs her fingers along the edge of the cowl.
“You don’t need to steal to get my attention,” Batman growls.
“Is that so?” she purrs. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Maybe I’ll-”
“BATMAN!” BlueJay’s voice blares through the earpiece, making Batman wince. “YOUR COMMS!”
Batman closes his eyes as a chorus of gagging and wailing comes over the comms. A merciful god would kill him now, but he’s seen too much of Gotham to believe in such a deity.
Selina giggles, leaning against his side.
“Dis- goos -ting!” Nightwing declares. “I don’t want to hear that from my dad!”
“Honestly,” Steph complains, “Between Brucie and BatCat, how does he not have any bio kids?”
“Spoiler, no!”
“I’m just saying-”
“Red Robin, take her down!”
“Can you imagine the Batglare on a mini-” There’s a thud and a grunt as Red Robin tackles her.
“Spoiler, you’ve doomed us!” Jay wails. “We’re gonna run out of rooms in the family wing at this rate!”
“What the heck did I say?”
“The curse,” Dick moans. “You practically challenged it to a duel.”
Selina is clearly trying not to laugh as she watches Bruce slowly collapse in on himself. She’s not succeeding very well.
“There’s no curse,” he says, in his most exhausted voice. “None of you are a curse. Except right now. Please stop screaming.”
“Then stop getting gross with Catmom in our ears, geez. No one wants to hear you old people being revolting .”
Bruce considers protesting that he’s not even forty yet, but settles for muting his comms instead.
When, eight days later, a dark-haired teenager drops through a portal calling herself Helena Wayne, Selina is the only one surprised. Batman runs a DNA test, but they all know what the result will be. Alfred already has a room ready and waiting.
Less than twelve hours later, a small scowling boy shows up on the steps of Wayne Manor. He is half Helena’s height, and Tim groans when he sees him. “Oh my god, it’s twins.”
Steph stares into the middle distance. “What have I done?” she whispers.
“An aunt would be nice.”
Helena tips her head to one side. “Alright, I can buy the idea of a curse. Something definitely dragged me over here. But how far does it go?”
“I mean, it pulled you all the way from a parallel universe.” Tim steals one of her potato chips. “And Damian here came from Nanda Parbat, so clearly it’s not limited by distance or realities.”
She shakes her head. “No, that’s obvious. I meant does it only work with siblings?”
Steph narrows her eyes. “Huh. That’s a good question.”
The three of them look at each other. Tim shakes his head. “No, we shouldn’t.”
“I mean, we’d have to be really careful about it. But it would be irresponsible not to figure out where the curse’s boundaries are. What if we accidentally set it off without realizing?”
“You make a great point,” Steph agrees. “It’s important science, Tim.”
He frowns up at the ceiling, stealing another potato chip. “It is possible that B just has a habit of adopting kids.”
“So we aim for an adult.”
“We’ve got a few honorary aunts,” Helena says. “I wouldn’t mind a bio aunt.”
Tim and Steph nod slowly.
“Yeah,” Steph says carefully. “An aunt would be nice.”
The next morning at breakfast, B mentions that his cousin Kate called last night. They haven’t spoken in a while, but he invited her over for dinner. “We haven’t seen each other much since my parents died,” he tells his kids, “but we used to visit when we were children. She was more like a big sister than a cousin, and I’d like you all to meet her if you can be here.”
Helena, Tim, and Steph don’t make eye contact with anyone for the rest of the meal.
“You’re not my dad!”
“Don’t say it,” Steph hisses.
“Look at them all,” Tim says in awe. “We would actually run out of rooms in the Manor.”
“What are you talking about?” Damian snaps. “They are imposters. False Robins. They are not coming to the Manor.”
“You know about the curse,” Jason says absently, focused on We Are Robin’s training session below. “The one that dragged you here from Nanda Parbat. Just imagine…”
Damian pales. “Don’t you dare!”
Jason smirks. “Don’t worry, Baby Bat. I’m not stupid.”
“That is still in question.”
"You're not my dad!" Duke yells, his voice echoing around the narrow alley.
"I know." Batman's voice remains calm. "But you are a Robin, and I take care of my Robins."
Duke steps back, crossing his arms. "I'm not gonna stop," he says. "This is my city too, and you've let plenty of kids run around in suits before."
"I know. I'm not ordering you to stop. I'm asking you to join us. Train with us, get a suit with some decent armor, and have back up when you need it."
The fight goes out of Duke's shoulders. "Oh."
"I'm a registered foster parent. I know you have parents, and you love them. I am not trying to replace them. But I can offer you a safe place to stay, where you don't have to hide from your own household. If you prefer, you can speak to my kids before you agree. I understand you might have had some poor experiences with CPP and the foster system before. Many of my children have."
Duke folds his arms a little tighter. "Yeah," he mutters. "I'll talk to 'em."
As Batman leaves the Narrows, his oldest's voice comes over the comms, and he can hear Dick's smile.
“That sounds like a done deal to me, curse or not.”
“There’s no curse.”
“See, you say that, but I just watched Huntress grapple past with a smoothie.”
“None of you are a curse.”
“Awwww. You know, B, when you actually manage to get your head out of your ass, you can say the sweetest things.”
“Hn.”
“I’ll give A a heads up. We can put him next to Steph. The others will just be glad we only ended up with one of the Robin Army actually living under the Manor’s Roof.”
“Miss Harper.”
There’s no way Harper’s getting close to Bruce Wayne tonight. Not through that massive crowd of hangers-on. The whole idea had been stupid. As if getting a ticket to the gala meant she had any chance of actually giving Bruce Wayne a piece of her mind. Harper eyes the massive banquet table. She can at least sneak home some food, so she and Cullen can have a mini feast together tonight.
Keeping one eye on the room, she starts tucking sausage rolls and cookies in her purse. She hesitates over the brownies, unsure if they’ll hold up well enough in the bag. They’ll get chocolate everywhere, but it might be worth it. Then again, she’d like to have a chance of using this bag again someday. There’s plenty of other options. She checks the room again and takes a step toward the cheeses. She’ll still have to wrap them in a napkin or something, but they’re less likely to fall apart in her purse.
“If I may, Miss, skipping the brownies would be a mistake.”
Harper jumps, spinning around. There’s an old balding man in some kind of servant’s uniform standing behind her. She didn’t hear him coming, even as careful as she’s being, and he looks official. She’s going to get kicked out, maybe arrested. This whole evening has been a mistake, start to finish.
“They’re a family recipe,” the man continues, as if he didn’t just catch Harper stealing. “A favorite of Master Bruce and his children. Well worth the mess, if I do say so myself.”
“What mess?” Harper says, then curses herself. Lie better .
“I assure you, no one minds. Master Jason was adopted after Master Bruce’s friend caught him stealing tires. He helped me make this batch.” He smiles at her, like there’s nothing wrong. “Are you the young lady who won a ticket for tonight’s gala?”
Harper glances at the doors, but it’s a long way away, with a lot of people between her and the exits. She has a better chance of charming her way out, which is saying something. “My landlady,” she admits. “She owed me for some electrical work. Paid me with the ticket.”
“Most young people do not find these events entertaining enough to be worth such a trade.”
She folds her arms. “Yeah, well, I thought maybe I could talk to Mr. Wayne. My apartment building’s supposed to get torn down. Was hoping I could talk him into doing something about it. Doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.” Harper scuffs a foot against the floor. “Not like he was going to care about some dump in the Alley anyway.”
“Hmm.” The man tucks his hands behind his back and surveys the room. “Perhaps I could put in a good word for you, Miss…”
She looks over, stunned. “Uh, Row. Harper Row.”
“Miss Harper.” He takes a simple black and white business card from his pocket. There’s nothing on it but a phone number. “This is Master Bruce’s personal line. Call him tomorrow, and he will answer. Don’t forget your brownies.”
Late that evening, when the guests have left, and the younger Waynes are making their way upstairs, Alfred pulls Bruce aside. “Expect a call tomorrow, Master Bruce. A young lady has some rather important concerns regarding her housing situation, and believes you may be able to help.”
“Hn.”
“Be polite to her,” Alfred warns. “I’ve taken a liking to Miss Harper.”
Bruce raises one eyebrow. “Is Harper a first or last name?”
“First, I believe.”
Bruce sighs. “Don’t let Dick and Steph hear you call her that yet. There’ll be no convincing them she isn’t already adopted.”
“Hmm.” Alfred straightens his cuffs. “I was just saying the other day that I wouldn’t mind another grandchild or two.”
“ Alfred. ”
“She fits the type.”
“A magical sibling would be useful.”
“It would be nice to not be the only one with powers…”
“I can’t believe you’ve never been here before,” Dick says as he leads the way into the house. “I’d swear you have.”
“I’ve been in the Cave a couple times for emergencies. Never upstairs.” Zatanna raises her eyebrows as she follows him into the foyer. “Doesn’t seem quite your speed, Boy Wonder.”
He shrugs. “Not really any of our speed, but it’s what Bruce inherited. And thankfully it’s got plenty of space, since he keeps adding to the family.”
She nods. “Right, the curse.”
Dick laughs, glancing over his shoulder as he heads toward the lounge. “You know about the curse?”
She waves at him. “I mean…it’s hard not to notice it on all of you.”
“Wait, what?” Dick stops in his tracks. “Back up, you can see a curse on us?”
Zatanna frowns. “Why are you acting surprised? You’ve talked about it before. I was worried at first, but you seemed so casual about it-”
Dick grabs her hand and drags her through the Manor, flinging open a door off the main hallway. “Emergency meeting!” he announces, as Cullen yelps and falls off one of the couches. “Get all the siblings here!”
Tim throws a cushion at him. “What the hell, Dick?”
“You knew about this!” Zatanna repeats, baffled.
Dick ignores her. “Zatanna can see the curse!”
There’s a collective gasp, and the half-dozen siblings gathered in the room turn to stare at her. Zatanna barely keeps herself from taking a step back.
“Oh my god,” Cullen breathes. “It’s real? Like, actually real?”
“I’m calling everyone,” Tim says, already opening his phone. “Meeting in the lounge in fifteen minutes. It’ll take Duke that long to get back here and change.”
“Do we tell B and Alfred?”
“Alfred already knows,” Jason decides. “I guarantee it. We need solid proof before we tell B. Don’t call them yet.”
Thirteen minutes later, Duke bursts through the door, jeans and t-shirt hastily thrown on. The undersuit of his uniform is still peeking out from under the t-shirt. He stares at Zatanna. “Oh my god, he got another one.”
“What? No!” Zatanna protests.
Duke frowns as he looks her up and down. “Tim said it’s about the curse. I’m seeing a new girl with black hair and blue eyes sitting in the family lounge. What am I not getting?”
“You’re gonna set it off!” Steph grabs his hand and drags him down next to her on one of the couches. “Sit and shush.”
“Zatanna can see the curse!” Dick flourishes his arms at her like he’s the magician presenting a new trick.
“Wait, you’re serious?” Harper’s face screws up as she looks from Dick to Zatanna and back again. “I thought that was just a running joke with you guys.”
Zatanna stared around the room. “Show of hands, how many of you thought the curse wasn’t real?”
Cullen, Harper, Duke, and Babs raise their hands.
Helena shakes her head. “Not after Aunt Kate.”
Steph jabs her in the ribs.
Babs glares at them. “What about Kate?”
Tim sinks deeper into his armchair. “We didn’t know it would work!”
“Lie!” Cass signs.
“We just said-” Tim slaps a hand over Steph’s mouth.
“We wondered if it only worked on siblings,” Helena explains slowly. “So we said something about an aunt, and that night, Aunt Kate called B to reconnect.”
“Oh my god.” Jason buries his face in his hands. “You didn’t tell anyone? Give us some warning! We could have been drowning in aunts by now!”
“Don’t trigger it!” Damian yelps.
Babs grabs the book Jason was reading and slams it shut, cutting everyone off. Jason protests, and she shoves it against his chest, flicking the bookmark she’d placed in it. “Everyone take a deep breath and listen to Zatanna. Z, what are you seeing?”
Zatanna still looks wary, but she clears her throat. “Uh, it’s kind of a fog around you? Or maybe more like smog? It’s not…clean, but it’s not outright evil. It’s been clinging to all of you for as long as I’ve known you.” She pauses. “Actually, maybe not to you, Babs. Or, not as strongly, not until a few years ago. It started showing up around Wally and Roy recently, too, probably because they spend so much time here. I mentioned it to Dick a couple times, but he just joked about everything in Gotham being cursed, or the siblings thing, so I figured you all knew about it and it wasn’t harming anything.”
“Richard, you are a fool!”
Dick barely manages to duck a knife from Damian’s direction. “I know!”
“It’s on me and Harper, too?” Cullen asks.
Zatanna nods.
“Okay, but what is it?” Babs leans forward. “There’s no way it’s actually an adoption curse, right?”
Zatanna shrugs. “It feels like basically everything in Gotham, so it’s hard to say much without an actual spell.”
“Please check.” Jason has his eyes closed and seems to be running through breathing exercises.
The others agree, and Zatanna claps her hands together. “Can I have a volunteer from the audience?”
Everyone points at Dick.
“Pretty sure he’s the one that got us into this mess,” Tim says. “We volunteer him as tribute.”
Zatanna smirks and scoots around to face Dick, sitting on the floor beside her. “Alright, Rob, hold still.” He grumbles, but does as ordered. She holds out her hands, palms facing him. “ Wohs em tahw uoy era .”
A glow builds in her palms, lighting Dick in a haze of blue, and for a moment they can all see it. Swirls of smoky gray drift around him, like a cocoon of dark fog. Zatanna stares it down, then her expression lightens and she turns back to the group, letting the glow dissipate.
“Well, that makes more sense!”
They all stare at her.
“Sorry, how does that make more sense?” Harper’s voice is a little too high.
“It feels like everything in Gotham because it is Gotham. She’s…” she waggles a hand, “claimed you, I guess?”
“Gotham cursed us?” Cullen looks horrified.
Damian and Jason just nod. “That does make more sense,” Damian agrees.
“Not cursed, really. It just feels like a curse because, well, it’s Gotham. Pretty sure it’s more like a blessing or a claim. Like she wrote MINE on you in big black letters. It’s helping keep you all safe and getting what you need.”
“You’re telling me Gotham decided I needed eight dozen siblings because I asked Bruce for a brother once when I was thirteen?”
Zatanna winces. “Kinda?”
“Wait, back up,” Helena holds up a hand. “You’re talking about Gotham like a person.”
“Have you ever heard of a Genius Loci?”
“The spirit of a place,” Damian says. “The place itself, made into a god.”
“Yeah, a lot of old cities have one. Gotham’s on the younger side, but she’s absolutely full of weird stuff, so it’d be more surprising if she didn’t. I met her the first time I showed up to help with a job here. Scared the heck out of me.”
“You met Gotham?”
Zatanna is quickly going from uncomfortable to indignant. “About Jason’s height, long black hair, gray-blue eyes? Half of you look like her. That’s…that’s kind of the point! You have to have met her!” A lot of people are suddenly avoiding eye contact. Zatanna throws up her hands. “Oh my gods. I thought you were supposed to be smart. Anyway, yes, she likes you, she likes having the Bats around, and she probably thinks it’s hilarious to keep sending you new family members. I could probably break the curse if you want, but she’ll be really annoyed. Like telling your grandma you don’t like her cooking.”
“Break it?” Cass frowns.
The room goes quiet.
Zatanna raises her eyebrows. “Right. Okay. I’m going to go find Alfred and get myself a drink, and you can all talk this out by yourselves.”
Dick claps her awkwardly on the shoulder as she leaves.
There’s a few seconds of silence before anyone speaks. Jason finally breaks it. “Gotham’s a bitch,” he says slowly.
“But she’s our bitch.” Cullen’s voice is quiet.
Dick doesn’t have the heart to scold them for their language. He leans back against one of the couches, beside Helena’s legs. “It sounds like she’s looking out for us.”
“I mean…” Duke shrugs. “I know we all call it a curse, but you guys are alright.”
“You are acceptable as siblings,” Damian sniffs.
“You’re alright too, demon.” Steph reaches over to ruffle his hair. He jabs an elbow at her chin in response, and she ducks, almost spilling her container of dried pineapple.
“I know I’m not really one of the siblings-” Babs begins, and Cass pokes her in the side.
“Wrong.”
“I mean, I’ve never really lived here, even if I was Batgirl, and-”
“Wrong. You have a room here. You are my sister. You are family. Gotham says so, and I say so.”
“We all say so,” Helena’s tone is firm.
“ But ,” Babs continues, a little exasperated, “are we forcing anyone into this?”
Cullen is shaking his head before Babs can finish speaking. “No one forced us here. It’s not like you guys kidnapped us or we were brainwashed or something. Stuff just…lined up right.”
“Dad offered to try to help me get home,” Helena agrees. “I chose to stay here. Mom and Dad are both dead in my universe. Gotham dragged me through the portal, but I stayed because I want to be here.”
“Seems more like Gotham is bringing us together when we need each other.” Dick’s voice is soft, and he’s looking at Jason.
Tim clears his throat. “So if we try to break the curse…”
They’re all quiet again.
Harper runs a hand through her hair. “I don’t know about you guys, but it seems kinda shitty to leave our future siblings in the lurch.”
A collective breath is released, and Steph nods. “I’m not mad about Gotham playing CPP.”
“She’s a hell of a lot better at it than the real thing,” Duke agrees.
Jason snorts. “Ain’t that the truth.”
Cass’s smile is sunbeam warm. “Duke was right, earlier,” she signs. “Zatanna fits the type.”
Damian smirks. “A magical sibling would be useful.”
“It would be nice to not be the only one with powers,” Duke says.
A few seconds later, they hear feet pounding down the hallway. The door slams open and Zatanna bursts into the lounge, glaring at them from under her now crooked top hat.
“You brats! Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
Steph cackles, throwing a piece of dried pineapple at her newly claimed sister. “Fifty bucks says Alfred already set aside a bedroom for you.”
Jason suddenly slumps back. “Dammit, I just moved another rank down in age order!”
Jarro and Billy have both moved in by the end of the month. Gotham thinks she’s hilarious.
“Grandpa Bat”
“Lasionycteris noctivagans,” Selina says, combing through Bruce’s hair with her fingers. The scientific name for a silver-haired bat.
He scowls. “The night-wandering bit, perhaps. I’m not that old.”
A smile tugs at her mouth. “Have you looked in a mirror recently, Batsy? You’re getting a little silver at the temples.”
“I am not .”
“With a dozen children and more on the way, I hardly think you can claim to be young. Embrace it.”
He sighs, pulling her closer. “I love them dearly, and they are taking years off my life.”
“Darling, you take years off your own life. They keep you going, and we all know it.”
“I know.”
“And I’m not criticizing.” She winks at her partner. “The silver fox look is going to suit you very well. I can see you now. Grandpa Bat, dandling the littlest kittens on his knee-”
Bruce groans, pushing her off his lap. “If you just cursed one of our children with teen pregnancy, Selina, I swear to the gods-”
Selina falls back on the couch, laughing. “Multiple of our children are adults, darling. And we have many of them. Statistically, it’s going to happen, and sooner rather than later.”
“No need to rush it,” he complains, leaning down to kiss her. “Let me enjoy this part while it lasts.”
Jason has been fidgeting with his fork for six minutes and eighteen seconds. Billy and Cullen have been timing it. He takes a deep breath, and Cullen nudges Billy in the ribs.
Jason clears his throat, and takes another deep breath.
“We have some news we’d like to share.”
Jason, Billy, and Cullen all whip around to look at Dick, sitting near Bruce at the head of the table.
Dick is beaming, and Wally is vibrating. “We’re going to adopt!” Dick announces.
Most of the table cheers, Bruce’s wary expression melts in a genuine smile, and Jason drops his fork.
“And it’s twins,” Wally adds.
“Holy crap!” Jarro screams. “I’m gonna be an uncle!”
“Batman’s gonna be a grandpa!” Billy giggles.
“You bitch!” Everyone turns to stare at Jason as he jabs a finger at Dick. “The curse was supposed to be mine!”
Dick goes blank for a second, then leans forward, watching his brother closely. “Little Wing, is there something you want to tell us?”
Jason’s face flares bright red.
Cullen’s mouth drops open, and he leans forward too. “Is that what you were psyching yourself up for?”
Jason turns on Cullen, but Cass interrupts. “Another nibling?”
Selina bursts out laughing. “Oh, kitten, is this about what I told you the other day?”
“You were my safety net, Selina! There was no way Roy was gonna say no!”
Zatanna’s grin is a little too wide. “Roy?”
Jason flings down his napkin. “I’m gonna propose,” he mutters. “Was just about to tell you all, when Dickie interrupted. Been thinking about it for a while, but Selina told me she triggered the curse the other day talking about grandkids. I figured that was my cue to get off my ass and say something.”
“Ohhh,” Duke says. “You were thinking of Lian.”
Jason gets up, circling the table, and offering his hand to Dick. “Sorry, Dickie. I am really happy for you. You guys are gonna be great dads.”
Dick uses the hand to pull himself to his feet. “So are you, Little Wing,” he whispers. “I’m so proud of you, kiddo. Also, there was never any way Roy was going to say no.”
“True,” Helena says. “You two are disgustingly cute.” Jarro gags in agreement.
Zatanna takes a sip of her coffee. “Roy and Lian have been cursed for years anyway, they’re not going anywhere.”
“Excuse me?” Steph turns so fast her ponytail smacks Tim in the face.
Zatanna waves her coffee cup. “I told you he and Wally are cursed!”
Wally raises his hand. “I’m sorry, this is news to me.”
Zatanna throws a scone at Dick’s head. “You buttfaces! Listen for once in your life!”
“Wait, no,” Tim says, “I do remember you saying something about this.”
“Thank you! Tim’s my favorite now. Gold star for you, Tim.”
“Can I have a crumb of context, please?” Steph begs.
Zatanna sighs and turns to Wally. “You and Roy are family. Have been for longer than I have. The curse doesn’t give a fig about legalities. As far as Gotham and the Waynes are concerned, you’re in, and have been for years. Jay, Selina didn’t have to trigger the curse for you. Lian’s had the blessing, curse, whatever you want to call it, for a while now.”
Jason stands very still, Dick still draped around his shoulders. “Oh.”
Bruce clears his throat, pushing his chair back. “I couldn’t be happier for you all.”
Dick releases Jason just enough to drag Bruce into the hug, then pokes Wally with his foot. “Get in here, Walls. This is for you, too.”
Cass hops up as well, dragging Billy with her, and soon there’s a mob of Waynes crammed into the corner of the dining room, clinging to each other and laughing as they try not to fall over. Alfred, newly recognized great-grandpa, gets dragged to the very middle alongside Bruce and his oldest boys.
Bruce looks down at his boys, pulling them a little closer. “Thank you,” he murmurs.
Dick looks up, prying a hand loose to wipe his eyes. “For?”
“This.” Bruce isn’t entirely sure if he’s thanking Dick or Gotham herself, but Dick’s smile is that of the little boy who first put on the yellow cape and pixie boots, and Bruce wonders how many years are being added to his life by this moment.
Babs is giggling as she’s held upright by a grinning Duke and Steph. Jarro is sitting on Alfred’s shoulders. Damian is reluctantly allowing himself to be crushed between Zatanna and Harper. Bruce has never been prouder of his noisy, messy, cobbled-together family.
“Wait,” Cullen says. “Z, how many other family members has Gotham claimed?”
“Oh my god.” Dick goes a little pale. “How many are being left out of brunches?”
Zatanna smirks. “I’ll start putting together a list.”