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Jason didn’t want you at first. He didn’t understand you. Why you’d liked him so much despite how cold he was. Despite how damaged he is.
The fact that in his life full of trauma and betrayal, you were there for him. Trying to get closer to him. He didn’t see you that way—romantically. He didn’t let you get closer.
Fast forward, a year later- you moved on. Or so he thought.
And now, Jason just needs you.
Pathetic, isn't it?
Jason is lonely. Drunk. And so, thinking of you, he calls. A brash act done in the state of his intoxication.
“I miss you.” It falls from his lips the second you pick up.
But alas, It was completely silent the moment he spoke those words- though clearly, the line was already through.
It was you.
You were just simply....silent.
On the other side of the phone, it was as if you were instantly on full alert, out of that half awake state of yours when he'd just called you, at 2 AM now.
Though were barely even awake enough to register his name on the screen when the phone buzzed- that voice….it was no mistaking it. That drop you felt in your gut said it all.
"....Wrong person, Jason," you responded, your voice quiet and soft as always- the familiar voice going through to his line, making that warm swirling feeling in his heart grow even more even despite the mess of emotions he was in. The mess of his thoughts, his needs- everything.
Damn it, he almost forgot how much he missed you.
Jason had to hold back from melting right there once he heard that voice of yours that he’d been dreaming of, longing all this while, his jaw clenching and half lidded eyes growing heavier just by that mere moment- as if your voice was enough to put the man to sleep. God knows how long the man hasn't slept well.
But just as Jason’s drunken, already foggy mind was about to drift off again, your voice cut through,
“I’m hanging up,"
And shit- that made an immense wave of panic surge through him, instantly jolting upright again, practically being hit by the wave of intense emotions that rushed through him all at once in that mere second- Were you leaving him? Again? Just like that?
”No—“ No. He immediately blurts out too quickly before he could even fully react, as his eyes widen, his mind finally registering that you’re still there. Just there on the other side of the line- so close and yet so far.
Jason’s desperate. He grips the phone in his hand tighter against his ear.
He can't let you go again.
He needs to hear you.
“Please.” that pathetic tone of voice cut through, a mix of desperation and longing of his.
“Don’t hang up.”
He was practically begging,
the cold, indifferent and collected, infamous Red Hood- Jason Todd.
Begging.
Jason closes his eyes. He’s a mess. He knows that, and he’s sure you know it, too. But he doesn’t care.
He needs you to stay on the phone.
“I need to…” Jason’s voice is tight. Hoarse. He closes his eyes as he tries to find the words. He just needed you on the phone.
He just couldn’t be alone, as selfish as that sounded. Not right now.
“I need to talk to you,” he finally says.
Jason’s on the verge of crying. You could hear that enough from that slightest crack of his voice too after a pause.
This is pathetic.
Jason knows that—he can’t fathom the idea of being this vulnerable…
Except he’s desperate. He doesn’t care anymore. You’re not going to hear the cold and indifferent Jason you knew. This is a different one.
Vulnerable, he is for you and only you.
You paused, trying to suppress the emotions that seemed to chase after your heart again- those suppressed emotions you kept buried deep down for so long- a damn year already.
But it didn't help.
It felt like you were falling for his trap again, you thought, but could it be helped?
For the first time, Jason had already stepped out to reach out to you for the first time on his own already. Without you having to chase after him and beg him to not push you away.
Was that not enough of a change already?
And finally, you gave in. Caved in, like you always have.
You sat upright on your bed, glancing at the clock on the wall- 1:54 AM, the moonlight still seeping in through your dim bedroom.
“Where are you, Jason?” you spoke- your voice like a soothing balm to Jason’s aching heart, stirring as you rubbed your eyes slightly from sleep, slipping out of bed to grab your coat and your keys, already having an idea of where he’d probably be at this hour- his apartment.
The loser didn't have anywhere else to go anyway. That was the truth.
Jason already feels himself getting emotional again from hearing you cave in to him. Again.
”I— I’m in my apartment,” He tells you. His voice was almost raspy. “I— I know this is selfish of me- but….I need you to come over, please, I-” “ I need you. He wants to say. But he can’t.
Jason had always prided himself on being cold and indifferent. Stoic and reserved. Especially after all the other betrayals and bullshit he’d been through, he built a tough layer around him- as if to shield himself from more hurt and pain.
But this was not that man from before.
Jason finds himself leaning back against his chair as his eyes close. His heart thumps heavily in his chest as he desperately wants you to say something. Anything. He misses you.
And deep down,
you knew you did too.
So of course you’d respond, albeit letting out a soft curse and sighing heavily to yourself before you did, grabbing along your stuff and heading out under the night sky towards your car.
“Don’t go anywhere, i’m on my way,”
It was almost as if you knew of the state he was in right now- knew how much of a mess he was.
He was in too much of a daze to really register the fact you’d even answered him.
But finally hearing that you were coming over—God.
Cut forward, a few minutes later- the doorbell rang.
Jason immediately jolts in surprise, his body straightening up on his chair.
He scrambles up from the chair, hastily adjusting the black tank top he’d been wearing. He was sure he at least looked and smelled a little like an alcoholic loser, but he didn’t care.
He moves to open the door, almost immediately upon you knocking.
And then he froze, just like a deer in the headlights.
Jason’s heart is thudding in his chest as his eyes fall upon your face. He just wants to pull you into his arms. He wants to bury his face into the crook of your neck. He wants to breathe in your scent.
He missed you so goddamn much.
Hasn’t he said that a thousand times already?
But he can’t do any of that. So he just stands there, staring at you, his usually cold and indifferent blue eyes looking at you. Except they’re different this time.
They were vulnerable….and soft.
A look you never thought you’d see on him.
“I— come in,” he says- his voice hoarse and slightly strained from the emotions welling up, as he steps aside. He didn’t know what to say to you—he was too damn overwhelmed at the fact that you were right there now in front of him, in his apartment again.
Your hand fisted a slight bit onto your jacket, a sigh leaving you as you finally met his eyes again, nodding your head as you stepped into that apartment of his, taking in those familiar surroundings in the dim lighting of his apartment.
Sure, this definitely wasn't the first time that you came to his apartment- except now, you weren't the one who chased around after him anymore.
It was probably the opposite now.
A clear tension of unspoken words and feelings filled the air as you moved over to the couch, slipping off your jacket, his gaze locked on you through it all- his hand fisting by his sides.
"...So what's going on now, Jason?"
Jason flinched- a little too hard, his gaze flicking back to yours again as he finds himself subconsciously biting his lower lip as if to suppress the emotions welling up.
Straining his mind and suffocating him.
“I…” he starts, but he struggles to continue.
How do I say that I need you? That I miss you?
He walks around the couch until he stops in front of where you sat. He can feel his hands growing clammy and sweaty.
Jason just stands in front of you for a moment, his eyes roaming over your features. He looks at your eyes, your hair, your frame.
You were so goddamn breathtaking. Even as the mere sight of you here again shattered his heart even more.
Jason takes in a shuddery breath as his eyes meet yours again.
He still doesn’t know what to say, though. He feels so many things around you.
Jason’s tongue feels heavy in his throat.
He doesn’t even realise that he’s slowly sinking down onto his knees in front of you.
And it was right at that moment everything seemed to freeze, your own eyes widening at this mere sight.
…what the hell?
“…I miss you,” he starts, his voice sounding strained and raw. He knows he probably looks pathetic.
He’s a grown man on his knees in front of you, as if begging you to stay or maybe come back.
“I… I need you,” he finally says. Jason’s breath hitches again as he can feel his eyes stinging. He’s overwhelmed. He just needs you.
But even then, you just couldn't let yourself give in to him that quickly- not when your heart was already broken and hurt from him.
With a hand fisting on your lap, your jaw clenched, feeling your heart begin to pound again as the thick tension in the air began to rise even more.
"...So you're saying that you're lonely, is that it?”
Shit.
“...I've told you before, Jason. I don't want to be the person you only ever call when you're drunk and lonely at 2 AM,"
You were tired of being played like a toy and being tossed aside like you were nothing right after. And truth was, he didn’t blame you. Not one bit.
But you didn't know of the true feelings he’s kept hidden so long deep beneath.
Jason swallows hard, his heart clenching in his chest at the subtle change in your voice.
He misses you, he loves your voice,
He loves you.
Jason lets out a shaky breath. “I—” he chokes out. “Please,” he pleads.
His body instinctively tries to move closer to you—he doesn’t want to be so damn far away from you.
Jason’s fingers dig into his knees as he tries to stop himself from grabbing you and pulling you to him. That’s all he wants to do. He wants to press his face against your body and pull you as close as he can as he buries his face against your neck.
But he can’t. He doesn’t deserve you.
His bottom lip trembles slightly as an overwhelming feeling of dread and helplessness start to well up in his chest.
Fuck, here it comes again. The feelings he’s desperately shoved beneath his cold facade, threatening to pour out- though this time, it was in front of you.
Jason’s breathing starts to get heavier as he tries to hold himself back. He can’t control his emotions right now, especially in this position.
He wants to cling to you, hug you, kiss you, beg you to love him—he wants to show you how much he loves and needs you.
Your heart ached just as much, your jaw visibly clenching as your hand fisted on your lap- holding back from instinctively pulling him in just like you always did when you pined for him.
“You can’t keep doing this, Jason. Just tell me….what is it that you really want from me?”
And fuck, that did it for him.
Jason closes his eyes, your words hitting him like a knife to the chest as a mixture of frustration and helplessness fills him.
He knows you’re right; he knows this isn’t fair to you.
But he can’t help it. He’s done acting like the cold distant man who doesn’t need anybody in his life.
Because, fuck, he only needs you.
A strangled, pathetic sound leaves his throat as his shoulders begin to shake. It’s so unlike the usual stoic and indifferent man you’re accustomed to.
It all happens too quickly before he could even stop himself again. Everything just began to pour out. He's tired of acting like he doesn't want you- like all he's been doing is shoving you away.
His eyes sting and begin to fill up with tears as he fights with himself. The guilt, the loneliness, the self-deprecating thoughts and the overwhelming need to be with you were eating him alive.
Jason doesn’t mean to let a sob escape him, but he does. He can’t stop his body from shaking, his head hung low.
He’s so stupid. He needs you. He’s a selfish, lonely bastard who desperately wants your love and affection.
His heart clenches in his chest, but he manages to muster up the words.
The words that he really does need to say, after all this while.
He has to say them, after all. This might be his only chance.
“You,” he chokes out. “I-I need you…”
And right at that moment- you froze.
Despite the alcohol still somewhat coursing through him, Leon feels more lucid just by the act of you touching him alone. Every inch of his being is reacting to your touch, needing more of it. His eyes flutter shut as he leans into your touch, like a starved dog.
He needs you.
He needs to have you in his arms.
He needs you to love him.
To want him. To love him back.
He’ll do anything or say anything to get you to stay.
You didn’t quite know what to say or do- that thick uneasy feeling in your heart only growing even more with every passing second, simply staring down at him- though even through his tear-filled eyes, he could see the slightest way your eyes flashed with painful emotions again, clearly holding yourself back.
But just then, as if acting on your own instinct, your hands moved, gently and delicately cupping his face to guide his half-lidded, tear-filled, flushed and wrecked expression back up to meet your eyes. An act that seemed to break the man even more.
Why the hell were you still so damn nice? So damn understanding and gentle with such a pathetic man like him.
“…Jason, ” you spoke- your voice firm yet gentle as always, an attempt to keep him going.
Jason’s breathing is picking up again as he lets himself bask in the feeling of the palms of your hands against his face. He can’t stop the trembling—he’s desperate for this attention you’re giving him.
His mind fogs. He can’t think. He can’t speak. But he tries to.
For you.
Another shaky breath leaves him as he struggles to speak.
“… Please…,” he’s practically begging you now. “Please…don’t go…I-I’m sorry. I’ll change- be better, i promise,” he choked out, struggling to even get the words out- though by this rate, he was too far gone.
Even the pride that's been holding him back from loving you and showing you this side of him all this while can't stop him now.
He’s in too deep.
And finally, right at that moment, your arms moved and wrapped around his large trembling frame, pulling him in, his head resting there nuzzled into your stomach- and you could swear for once, you didn’t see the cold, distant and ruthless Red Hood.
“I-I’m sorry- I hurt you.. I was just… a fucking coward, (name),” He choked out between strangled sobs and whimpers, his large hands practically instantly moving to wrap around your waist, pulling himself in and nuzzling himself even closer, his broad shoulders trembling uncontrollably- fingers practically digging right into your shirt, gripping it so hard like a lifeline.
Like he was afraid even the slightest second, you would slip away from him again.
He shook his head, his low voice sounding absolutely broken like a complete different person, burying himself closer into you forcing his gaze up to lock on you again, tears streaming down his already flushed face, biting down onto his lower lip so hard to suppress the sobs brows knitted into a deep frown of frustration and hurt- not at you, of course, but at himself.
“I didn’t want you to get too close- didn’t understand the way you made me feel… I- was scared of it, of hurting you if you got too close to the damaged person I am,”
But oh well, he still hurt you anyway, didn’t he? In the process of saving his own heart, he broke your own.
And completely shattered himself regardless.
But just then, in his turmoil of emotions spilling, in the moment that his head polluted with thoughts of self-hatred and despair- he felt you lean in, your gentle soft lips meeting his.
And everything completely froze. His heart began to pound, the ache and pain in them mixing and combining with pure warmth, joy, relief and everything at once as he instantly kissed you back, melting in your touch.
But the one final thing on his mind was all but one most of all- love.
Pulling away from the kiss, breathless and panting- he just had to say one more thing.
“I love you, (name)- fuck, I really do- so much…”
See, Jason? Guess it wasn’t so hard after all now, was it?
“I’m never hurting you again- I swear on it.”
And that was a promise he intended to keep. For once, and for all.