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She had a dream.
Blue sky, gentle wind, soft grass, laughter, eyes with the color of the sea, warmth, summer shadow, someone's singing, a loving gaze, tight hugs, smell of the sun, cicadas crying voice, flowing white hair, and her heart was full.
Longing.
How she wished to stay like that forever.
"Mom..."
"I've missed you, my darling."
She also had a dream.
She was a child again, standing alone in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but darkness.
Harsh words, whispering, smoke, run , someone's yelling, dirt, the smell of burning oils, soulless eyes, run , firefly, ashes, the cry of crickets, heavy footsteps, throats so dry and heart aching with every breath, run, run, run .
There was a hole in her heart, and it kept expanding the more she ran.
And yet her chest felt heavy.
“Poor thing, it must have been so hard for you, right?”
She wanted to cry but there were no tears coming out. She had been holding it in for so long that now she didn't know how to cry properly anymore, all she could ever do was stay silent and run away as fast as possible, no time to cry over anything. Though sometimes, when her eyes caught the people passing by on the street, she had a vague thought that maybe she could be normal, that maybe she could be like them: laughing together, eating together, playing together, happy together.
But how could she, when there was nothing that could fill the hole in her heart?
“But it's okay now, mommy is here.”
Her mom suddenly appeared behind her back, her arms circling her to wrap tightly around the child's body, so tight that she couldn't even move or turn around. Though hesitant, she slowly put her small hands on her mom's arms, unsure if it was to reciprocate her hug or shake her away, but the moment their skin touched, the little girl flinched away almost immediately, as they burst into flames. Before she could proceed with what was happening, those burning arms pressed her harder against the body that now no longer looked human. The smell of ash, burning skin, and so much oil made her head spin.
“Why don't you stay here?"
The heat was also starting to affect her, her back so hot that she thought her shirt must have burnt and stuck to her skin, the smell and sound of her hair burning bit by bit, only to stop when they reached her sweaty neck.
"You won't have to carry that thing around while begging to live anymore, doesn't that sound amazing?"
There was smoke now and it was everywhere, her eyes stung so badly that tears started to come out.
"There's nothing to be scared of, let's be together forever, okay, Robin?"
A chill ran down her spine despite the heat.
“And that was when I woke up.”
“You sure have weird dreams.”
She chuckles. “I guess you're right.”
After their last talk, they made a promise (it was actually just Zoro, but she knew he wouldn't take no for an answer): whenever Robin had a nightmare, she would come to him no matter how late the night was.
At first, it was a bit awkward, for both him and the bunny when she sat beside him in his room in the middle of the night, wearing only her shorts and a tank top with her hair loosely hanging over her bare shoulder. But when he saw how stiff her shoulders were, and how her clenched hands were shaking when she put them on her lap, he pulled her to him.
As if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Sometimes they would talk about her nightmare, but other times they'd just talk about how his hair grew out so quickly or how she wished to have a dog as a pet.
“What about cats?”
“Well, I do like cats, but I think I'm more of a dog person.”
He still remembers how her eyes shone with mischief when she stared at him that night.
“You know, Zoro,” she said while patting his head. “Sometimes you look like a big puppy to me.”
“Huh?”
“Just like now, I can see how you're trying to cheer me up without knowing what to do, with your ears folded down.”
She giggled, and he flinched, his neck heating involuntarily. “My ears- damn it, I'm gonna cut them off one of these days, and I'm not a dog! Hey, quit laughing, Robin!”
That ticklish feeling in his chest and the heat from back then was something Zoro could not understand properly, but seeing the bunny laughing so freely in his arms, he thought it didn't matter anymore.
“Zoro, puppy Zoro, are you listening?”
“Huh, uh, yeah,” he pauses. “Wait, what?”
“I see that your mind’s wandering somewhere else again, it's really impressive that you can get lost without even standing up.”
“I don't get lost,” the bear huffs. “And I told you, I’m not a dog.”
The bunny just pats his head and smiles. “Yes, yes, I know.”
“Robin!”
“I'm sorry, you just look too cute with those fluffy ears.”
“You said you want to tell me something about your nightmares, or dreams you've been having the past few days. Was that all?” Zoro catches her hand and glares at her, though his eyes soften visibly when he sees her looking down with her lips pressed together. “Well if you don't wanna talk about them anymore, I won't force you. Though I don't understand why you waited until today to tell me about it. You come here almost every night.”
The bunny shakes her head. “No, it's not like that. It's just, many things are hard to put into words.”
Zoro just stares at her while the bunny leans closer to him, resting her forehead on his shoulder. It's a sign that she wants him to listen, so he decides to wait for her.
“Normally, it's just me and my nightmares, like I told you before, horrible things, terrible words, memories I don't want to remember,” she says. “But this time, for some reason, that “nightmare” keeps showing me strange things before that.”
Robin hesitates for a moment then continues. “The image of my mother and my memories with her are so blurry to me and yet she appeared so vivid in my dream, lively and more happy than ever, maybe even more than when she was alive.”
“And is that a bad thing?” he blurts out.
She lets out a quiet chuckle, so quiet that he can only feel it through her warm breath on his neck. “I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, though it did confuse me. What makes me feel weird is because I,” she pauses briefly before continuing, “I could feel that some part of me wanted to stay in that dream forever.”
Zoro flinches. “You-”
“I know,” she cuts in. “I figured that you'd get mad at me if you found out so I wanted to try understanding it first before telling you.”
"I know how much I long for that feeling, being cared for, shown affection, enveloped in a warm embrace, with a soothing voice telling me it'll be alright. How I long for that perfect happiness, and how I long for that dream to come true.
I also know how hard it is to continue to live knowing that because of me, countless people have to die, and how I loathe myself for bringing only misfortune wherever I go. It would be good to lay down and never wake up again, that way I don't have to deal with this pain any more, that way no one would be hurt just because of my existence.
But no matter how “perfect” that dream was, in the end, it was not real , and if I keep clinging to that "dream", that would be the same as running away from my life, running away from you. And no matter how long I spend thinking, I still don't think that's the right thing to do, I don't think that's the right way to live .”
Robin finally pulls away to look at him, eyes brimming with tears but there's a small smile on her lips.
“That's why I came here today, I'm sorry I took so long to tell you all this,” she says. “Ah, plus, I have someone I treasure over here. Can't let you wander alone and lose your way home, can I?"
The bear is perplexed. He has never seen Robin like this, the way her smile looks like she just let go of something important so she could live on. It's not that Zoro didn't notice the change in the way she acted in the past few days, he just thought that maybe she needed more time to get used to the act of sharing personal stories with him. And why does she think that he would be mad at her over something like this? Why does all of this make his chest feel so heavy and light at the same time? It seems like his brain can't keep up with all this so he decides to give up on thinking for now and just does whatever feels right.
His right hand, the one still holding hers from earlier, moves to intertwine their fingers, he then leans into her, slowly, checking the bunny's reaction, and finally presses his lips on the corner of her eyes like that first time. She flinches a little but doesn't move away or show any sign of distress, so he continues. To her soft eyelids, her cute frowns, her straight nose, her soft cheeks, and to the small part under her ears.
He can feel her fingers tremble a little. “...Zoro?”
The way the bunny calls his name in wonder, and the way her voice goes up at the last syllable makes his heart quicken so he bites her ears as a way of revenge. That makes her let out a small yelp, ears turning red, and he pulls away with a smile.
“Are you trying to eat me?” Robin asks.
“So what if I am? Would you let me eat you?” he says shamelessly, eyes full of mischief.
The bunny pouts, which makes Zoro want to bite her lips now. “That's unfair, Zoro.”
Feeling her body relaxed, that anxious feeling lurking inside him has finally faded away. "You know, I can do it for you.”
She blinks. “Are you really planning to eat me?”
“No, idiot,” he ruffled her hair. “I can do whatever you want me to do. All the things you're longing for, you don't have to give up on them, you can just do them with me.”
Pressing his other hand on her back, the bear pulls her to him. "Let's try each of them, as long as it's with you, I don't mind trying."
“...You're not angry with me?”
“Why would I be? You just needed some time and never broke our promise,” Zoro says, a hand playing with her hair. “Or do you want me to be mad at you?”
Putting their linked hand between them, the bear gently put small kisses on each of her fingers. Many kinds of feelings poured into her heart right at that moment, relief, surprise, panic, overwhelm, adoration, hope, fear, all of them, swirling, then crashing at each other, like waves on the sea, again and again. At the end, the only thing left is her heart, now full with the feeling she was longing for all this time. Happiness.
Ah, this feeling of happiness, it makes her heart ache , but in a good way. In a happy way.
“Oh, and it's also fine if you want me to eat you, I'm a bear after all.” the bear says, as his sharp fang grazes her fingers.
“Then,” the bunny presses her forehead with his. “I want a kiss.”
“Just a kiss?”
“That, and many more,” she says, and proceeds to cover his lips with hers.
And with that, her heart could finally feel full again.